Tag Archives: conversation

How to remember names to faces.

Posted by on May 1, 2012 392 comments

Start by looking carefully at the person you are meeting. Notice any unusual items such as the person’s manner of talking, or physical features, etc.

Listen carefully to the person’s name and if unsure what you heard, ask the person to spell it. Sometimes I simply repeat the name as if I am test-driving the pronunciation. With some names I may just repeat it because it sounds nice, it is a nice name. They are hearing me play with the pronunciation and will correct me if I don’t have it right. This repetition helps too.

The sound of person’s own name is better than the finest music to their ears. Hearing it spoken off your lips already is doing things to increase rapport and generate those liking feelings for you from a new person. The most effective way I have found to remember a person’s name is to say it at least three times at the beginning of a conversation.

“Yes Erica that is a good point. What I also thought was…”
“If what you’re saying is true Erica, then how would you explain the…”

“Ok Erica, let me ask you this…”

Take a mental picture of the person and the name in your mind’s eye. Sometimes I take a first letter of their name and find the place on their face that is shaped like that. If their name starts with an ‘M’ maybe I can see an ‘M’ in the shape of their eyebrows. If it starts with a ‘D’, maybe I see a ‘D’ in the shape of their mouth and the smile line up their cheek. Whatever it may be this is another way to help solidify a person’s name to their actual face making it come to you more quickly the next time you see them.

A handshake with a woman

Posted by on April 25, 2012 No comments
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As I’ve said before a single body language cue cannot tell you much but when several cues are all occurring at the same time that have similar meaning, a summary/conclusion can be drawn from this. Great benefits from understanding body language happen when you choose to use more of your own body language to express yourself. Research has shown that nonverbal signals can carry up to five times as much impact as the words spoken. Women especially, frequently roll on the [private]nonverbal messages that they see and hear, often times disregarding the words spoken.

Much of what your body language is doing has to be congruent with what you are saying & how you feel or else most women are able to read the conflict. Knowing the body language cues is very helpful though, since most men aren’t very expressive with their body language  by knowing the cues you can turn up the volume of the messages you are sending.

When it comes to the handshake, many men grow up believing a firm one is the only way to go with everybody. In man to man interactions, the integrity and dominance are judged by the handshake. However, with a woman it is a totally different story, many men will still use their ‘firm handshake’ (sometimes too firm) when meeting a woman.

What I have found, in the subtle differences starts with a woman’s perception, is a few changes will establish a few things in her mind about you. Women are not as accustomed to the regularity of handshaking for meeting new people as men are. When it does happen I usually start with a firm (not too firm, just solid contact, all the way around) handshake to her to have the solid essence of my personality. Since there is no need to express dominance on a first meet up with woman (that may come later), I tilt my hand a bit so her hand is in my hand yet on top of mine. This lets her feel safe with the first meet up and since her hand is resting in mine, I do not pull my hand back. I keep talking and let her hand stay in mine as long as she wants to leave it there. She can have comfort in our physical contact and if we keep talking she usually leaves it there a bit longer than handshake might last, indicating to me a pleasant reception.

During a first handshake, I already know that I am the man, the dominant gender of our species. I may later make moves and have statements to remind her of this dominance that she can feel safe in, yet during a first meeting it is already pre-defined.

I also like to see, by the maintained conversation and maintained eye-contact, her feeling no pressure to pull her hand back. I think the extended eye-contact is another factor that she likes yet doesn’t want to interrupt it by pulling her hand back. On first meeting, this alone establishes a lot of comfort with touching and the extended eye contact builds up the sexual tension.[/private]

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Calling her that first time

Posted by on April 6, 2012 91 comments
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You are still that incredibly fun, interesting guy that she met. You have so many women that she has no idea if you are going to ask her out at all. You are totally un-needy. She wants you to tell her when and where to meet you. You don’t ask; you direct, since you are a leader.

Mainly, you want to reinforce in her mind…[private]

… that you are still that super fun guy she met, continue building lots of comfort (while keeping
the attraction fires burning), and last, but not least, get her to meet up with you.

The secret to good phone game is to be completely and totally un-needy. In any attractive woman’s life, there have been a million guys who she has her number to and lived to regret it; primarily because they made it a point to constantly ask her out at the slightest opportunity, whenever they had her on the phone. You are not going to be that guy. You are going to be that ultra-cool guy she wants to go out with but doesn’t give her any certainty that you will ever ask her out at all.
When you mention fun things you have in your upcoming plans, as soon as you hear her interest in them, it is so easy to suggest “Totally. I think we have room. You should definitely come along.”

“Our house almost got broken into when I was eight…but my if dad installed some swinging paint cans and some micro machines by the stairs that shit woulda never happened.”

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Guys can learn to ‘TRULY’ Listen to a girl, hearing about her, to form deep connection & True Attraction :)

Posted by on April 6, 2012 535 comments
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If a girl spends a 30 minute convo with a new guy, with her spending 90% of the time talking about herself, being truly listened to and appreciated for who she may be, she is going to feel a deepest rapport, attraction, almost an utter craving to learn all about the guy, want to spend more time, want to extend the current moments as long as possible COMPLETE NIGHT VS DAY CONTRAST than her sitting there listening to a guy ramble on about things he thinks is impressing her*, while the majority of the time she is yawning in her thoughts and mostly thinking her own things TOTALLY unrelated to the guy at all, he is making no impact.
On Call or [On Location] via email to cj@adventuresofattraction.com

Some really good connection with a new girl is felt

Posted by on April 5, 2012 771 comments
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“Don’t get me wrong, [private] I’m not trying to pick you up I’m just here to meet new people and make new friends. However, when we do hang out, and if we were to really connect, who knows? It could be fate.”[/private]

Sometimes a random introduction to new person goes quite nicely:

Posted by on April 1, 2012 196 comments

Ok, from last Wednesday…I decided to log out this clip. I went into the Logan cafe…as I love it there…I figured a quick sandwich and a soda….Some beautiful bunny was leaning on the brochure counter looking as if she is waiting for someone…She was pretty model stat…Good-‘propa-lady’ like dressed on top of a Bally’s body…She held herself well, and when our eye contact was made…She humbly dropped [private] her gaze to the ground…for a couple a seconds…When she looks back up to see if I am still looking…which I was…I scoped her setup head to toes…On her look up she dropped her gaze again then a good 30 seconds before she looked to the side and the brochures…I figured I would say hi….


C.J.: “Hi, I do have a question for you.”

Beautiful Bunny at the Logan cafe: “Sure, what’s that?”

(I pause… pause. I paused for fun…)

C.J.: “Are you single?” (In my emotionless stone cold straight face)

Beautiful Bunnie: “Well, um…”

C.J.: “I’ll take that as a yes…” (I nodded in the grin that I felt creeping on…)

Beautiful Bunnie: (Laughter)

C.J.: “Well, I just happen to know someone that I
think might like you… if you’re more than
just a pretty face, that is… He’s fun and has
great taste, and I think you’d like him… I’d
love to sit down and get your life story, but I’m
on my way somewhere… do you have email?” I asked…

Beautiful Bunnie: “Yes.”

C.J.: Great… (I take out my favorite astronaut pen)… write it down for
me, and I’ll send you an email when I’m in ‘online time’. 

I then folded her slip of paper slid it into the breast pocket of my jacket and wished her a good day…[/private]

Stand apart from the rest

Posted by on September 9, 2011 1,053 comments

If you are trying to fit into the norm in every area of your life, think about this: ‘average guy’ means just like all the rest. What is special about you that would cause her to choose you over any of the other millions of guys on this planet?

A woman’s attraction instincts would be invoked by [private]things such as humor, confidence, attitude way more then anything like looks or money. Of course those things would get a woman’s attention as a guy first walks in the room, once the conversation is started those factors seem to melt away.

Not only do you want to live an “above average” lifestyle, if you are approaching a new woman, being categorized as “average” in the first 90 seconds will shut off any available attraction triggers in her mind. The challenge has ended before it even has started.

When I see or hear of a guy seeing the woman he has interest in and then asking “do you have a boyfriend?” Or something very weak sounding such as: “can I take you out sometime?”… These type of things are indicating that a man has interest in the girl weigh more than well last if he gets to know her and she’s not that cool. She knows this. So many guys approach with these type of questions, that alone will write him off.

Listen, you want to find a girl that not only can catch your attention but can also hold it, right? Yes you should be open to meeting new people, meeting new women to see what they’re like unless not jump steps just yet. Start slow, even slower than that. Make your small moves to learn about the woman and see if she has interesting character to her.

“Beauty without character is like a masterpiece painted on a napkin.”

Then once the initial contact is made in a girl and a guy start to get to know each other, I have seen guys doing things such as buying her gifts, taking her to expensive restaurants and/or doing favors for her to earn her approval. A woman’s gonna find this very unattractive. These type of steps come from a man feels his inner character in real cell is unattractive and may be hiding is I’ll tear your motives are wanting to sleep with her.

Yes, sure, yes please go ahead and do those things once you have gotten to know a girl and she seems really special to you. You have gotten to know her enough to know that those type of rewards as mentioned above have been earned in time with her is rewarding enough to you to give her those things.

At the very beginning and meeting a woman not only do you want to know those things (how cool she is) she also wants to know those about you. Remember that. If she has caught your attention, you can easily bring her and you bolt to be feeling that excitement, tension, and attraction at the very beginning of your meet up. You never have to wonder where you stand with her, you are very sociable a and if anything, she should be curious to know where she stands with you. She should be carriers to know and to earn your time taking her along your adventures. Once you have learned enough about her, of course then you decide it is like to spend more time with her and maybe go through some of the dating rituals (if that is what you choose).

Think of it this way: one relationship is based and built upon two people that enjoy each other’s company very much and they enjoy each other’s personality. Compare that to another relationship whereas a girl decides to hang out with a guy because he buys her gifts, takes her on expensive dates, and does outlandish favors for her. (By the way as a relationship grows favors become a two-way street).

If you are in club with a buttoned shirt & one sleeve unbuttoned, you can ask a nearby girl:

“Hey, I’m meeting a friend in a second and I couldn’t get this button (Point to unbuttoned sleeve), do you think you could … ?”

Then I say: “Thanks, you’re really friendly. Who are you here with tonight?”[/private]

Remember there are 3.4 billion women on Earth.

Posted by on August 10, 2011 65 comments

There are plenty of women to talk to. This time around you are just practicing to [private]learn your skills and refine them. Each person you get in a conversation with is just a practice-person, or a practice conversation, so to speak.

This way, you have no reason to worry at all about any particular outcome and can let your personality come forth in full flourish. You can say things that might be lightly shocking. The worst that can possibly happen is you will learn from it. It is a step toward to eventual success and by maintaining this mindset you will find, that a few minutes into a conversation already rolling “Hey this chick is kinda cool and pretty cute, maybe I will like her more than this encounter.”

There are plenty of hott, fun-filled women so this time around you are just practicing, fine tuning your calibration. There are no worries to any specific outcome.

The only possible results are successfully hooking her or a successful lesson.

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copy/paste the text, then click this to send it to yourself later:


You can keep her talking

Posted by on May 17, 2011 677 comments

with your sincere interest in what she is telling you.

There are ways to inspire her to elaborate more of [private] what she is saying.

Try these questions to start off:

“What do you mean by X?”

“What do you think the causes of x are?”

“I don’t understand what you mean yet.”

“Can you give me an example of what you mean?”

“Can you say that a different way? and say more?”

“I am starting to understand you, say that again.”

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It shows that you understand

Posted by on April 14, 2011 66 comments

…an underlying theme in a girl’s world but also showing that you are[private] making an exception for the girl you just met is easy.

I do this by saying something that has both ideas in it like this:

“Well I just don’t give my number to chicks that I meet in the world anymore…but if I put your name on your number, I would pick it up when you call.” As I hand her my phone.

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So once some connection and click is indicated…

Posted by on March 28, 2011 Comments Off

…I can just offer her my arm, and say: “Hey lets go see what adventure is in THAT room.” [private]

Even if she is with her friends I may say, “Hey I’m gonna borrow your friend for a minute.”

Look around the room/venue you are in. Find something cool tho check out. “OMG, look at that over there, let’s go check it out.” and take her hand & start walking. Here you are starting to do things a couple for the moments and can start exploring the nearby world around you as a couple, a team perspective.

Rather than the pressure of getting to know each other better, you can remove any pressure from her & she will learn about you and you about her along the way in more of an offhanded way. It’s a lot more fun & leads to a better rapport, making team memories in the process.

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Re: ‘Thinking that you don’t get it’

Posted by on February 1, 2011 296 comments

It is very good that you have the ability to notice when their attention, engagement in the conversation, attraction may be dropping. Some guys take years to develop that eye and others seem to [private] never understand watching the mood, tempo of the person they are in a conversation with.

With this skill already in your perspective, you will gain the other stuff much easier and much quicker AND be able to adapt it, refine it more comprehensively to the person you are speaking with and the situation you happen to be in during any moment.

Like what you said about his talk, the stuff is very valuable, but remember what he went through and tried before he discovered those things. The body language and subtext, context, calibrations, and much more can be some of the most valuable tools in your toolbox but you still need the words and practice and comfort around them tho fill in the spaces around it. [/private]