…Anyways, it all started on my way back into Boston Common from DWTN Crossing, it was sunny, a nice day just to randomly greet people. I said ‘Hi’ to random interesting people I passed, started little 3 min convos, smiled and wave-acknowledged a bunch. I could feed the birds if….
At the moment she came into scene, I was on one side the crosswalk headed back to the commons courtyard. As I stand there, I scan everybody as I always do and I see her. She is an absolute ‘true10′ but without the ‘I hate the world’ look on her face. Out of the 15-20 people on that side of the street, she stuck out to me like a flamingo in a pack of seagulls, but she wasn’t covered in make-up. She wasn’t decked in ‘look-at-me’ clothes, just a [private]pair of jeans and a button down shirt.
That’s what caught my eye the most. She had an ‘agenda-free’ look, no expressions, no mask held up. She was a good 20 years old but had the un-city like innocence on her face. She had model beauty, but naturally.
I have my sunglasses on so I continue to look like I’m scanning as I watch her (my head slowly gazing back and forth, while my eyes were on her). If I wasn’t wearing my sunglasses, I would have checked her out in my peripheral sight while not showing that I noticed her till she was close enough to open.
You know how girls flirt subconsciously with their body language? They fix their hair, their shoes, or position their pose in an attractive way. Speaking in girl speak, I know some off handed body language motions that get them looking.
Girls do get shielded when they know guys are looking at them. When the walk light goes on I casually walk across the crosswalk but I am moving towards where I would be passing next to her.
As we pass each other, to play out as if seeming like I just noticed her, I simply smile and say ‘Hello’ and tilt my head back, greeting-ly. (tonality is key here, and have found the ‘Hello’ gets a lot more responses than the ‘Hi’ because you can draw out the elongated vowels, saying it in a slow sexy tone.)
She says “Hi’ back to me on her way past. I did a swoop around (which I hardly ever do, but she did catch my attention very well). I walk her direction and stop her just on the sidewalk where I started. We are in front of Finagle a Bagel, next to the crosswalk.
“Well, You ARE ugly…” (I said this while smirking, she definitely knows I’m joking) “…but something is drawing me to want to see what you’re like, find out more about you…HI, I’m C.j.” and I stick out my hand.
Now when I stick out my hand to shake a girl’s hand, this isn’t a business meeting. I am not trying to show her I have a firm handshake, I don’t need any alpha over tilt.
I offer her my hand, solid connection then my palm up holding hers in it. I can give her the most welcoming hand shake so she can feel most comfortable right now. She needs to have a first impression before she’ll feel safe following my lead. Or being in the tension I will be creating.
I don’t not pull my hand back after the standard amount of greeting time; it’s easy to leave it there for as long as she wants to leave hers in it. She doesn’t feel like I’m gripping, just matching her pressure. Often we pull our hand back like we do in a regular nice-to-meet you handshake. This hold open is saying to her in Body language: ‘you have caught my attention, I am still curious’ I leave my eyes mostly in hers while her hand is in mine.
We chat, most of my eye contact on her eyes with quick scans every so often, to think of things and not to seem like a staring psycho. Her hand is still in mine. I am not gripping it, I am just open handed lightly solid.
She tells me she is from Russia; I practice my single Russian phrase with her. “Kahk DeeLah” (written phonetically). We chat a little and I notice her friend is standing a few feet behind her. I can tell from this, that she would get pulled by her friend or pull herself from this to not keep her friend waiting.
I tell her of an outdoor salsa class I am headed to later; I give her the time constraint of: “Well, I was going this way…” (She just starts to slowly pull her hand out of mine), “….and I have to feed the birds…” (she didn’t notice how ‘non-pressing’ that is, time-wise.) “…but let me see your cell phone, we can talk later.”
She pulls her phone out as if she was going to punch the number in herself, but I pretended not to notice, and was holding out my hand expectantly. She finally hands me the phone.
The picture on the phone’s screen was probably why she didn’t want to hand me the phone in the first place, but I’ll get into that in a bit.
I punched in my number, called my phone, and then described to my voice mail everything I just learned about this girl in the few minutes we talked. I hang up & tell her that I will call her a little later and walk on my way.
About 30 min later, I text her saying that “I should be finished at 5:00 and will call you then.” Yes, I did text her30 min after meeting her: I planned on keeping this temperature going.
I got her flirty temperature up while we talked. I knew if I was going to manage this I’d need to keep it up. I text in 30 minutes, call an hour later about a same day event.
I know that when you text things like that, they wait and are thinking about you the whole time until you call. She also is ready to talk to you when you call, she will be a little bit more…um how could I say this?… ‘State-prepared.’
I end up getting caught up in other things when I realize it is 5:45, so I call.
I get her voicemail message. Then a recording tells me her voice mailbox is full. Ok, I carry on.
I saved my name into her phone, so if she has caller ID she’ll know that I called. If she calls back – great…. if she flakes – oh well. She caught my attention for a few minutes.
Then at 5 minutes to six I get a text from her:
She says: “Its almost 6!! ”
So I see she got my text. I am guessing she saw my call on ID, but who knows. Now she is telling me by subtext, “ok C.J., call me now, I will answer.”
I call her. I tell her about the salsa in the park and ask where she is at his very moment. She tells me she’s in the Common
“Great, I’m over by the ‘Park St’ staircase, meet me here and we’ll go over to salsa together.”
This is all part of the ‘Assume the Close’ I just told her about the event, expected she would be dying to go, and told her what to do next to come along. (To be continued)
I was explaining this to a buddy of mine on a different situation. If she doesn’t want to go, she’ll stop things & indicate it clearly or say it clearly. There is no need to ask her anything. Just lead. If she follows – great, if not – lead to something else.
Hear what she says in words when it comes to her denials. I don’t try to read signals, and tones, and subtext unless they are compliances, unless they are the message I want to hear. Interpretations of subtext are so broad/vague. Guys are not built to read between the lines.
The only: ‘Supposed to’ to define in this interaction are the words. Meanings beyond what is said, while girls get that naturally, if you have learned this, Great. Since the interpretation is open, read the ones you want to hear. (& her seeing which ones you read is a reward to her. She will keep giving back the ones picked up on, the positive ones.)
So, I Tell her of the good time at the salsa. Then I tell her what her next step is, & that it’s easy on her part. We can go from there….
I sit on the planter next to the stair case and am going through my date book paperwork. I think she is coming with her friend. We can all go the Salsa, I can work them like a two set, and some other dance partner will keep her friend occupied.
When she comes over, She gets my attention & is by herself now. (This is a signal her interest; did she ditch her friend to hang out with me alone?)
I stand up, give her a hug, lean back while holding her arms and check her out (I look from eyes all the way to shoes, then back to eyes. My smile brightens in the scan to be brightest back into her eyes as I start a new thread)
I tell her a bunch of details about the salsa as I put my hand on her lower back to guide her to the direction of the staircase.
And I keep talking, no questions to her are needed here, I just ramble along about my day. Girls are usually nervous at the start of dates and such. They want you to be talking & keeping the spotlight off them till they warm up a bit…..this always works for me.
Don‘t worry about it, after they get talking, they love to ramble on. Then you can ask her open ended questions to keep her rambling. At this point, she’ll interrupt if she has something to tell me.
We walk downstairs to Park St. cut across underground tunnel to Downtown to grab the orange line. I body language vibe her the whole way.
I take her hand into mine (as if I am testing it, in my head) then I toss it down like it was covered in cooties. I do that as I’m talking about something else. I pay no mind to it, but it does get filed in her mind, you’ll see the expression on their faces as you get better at vibing.
As we walk, sometimes I will take her by the shoulders and move her to my right side as we walk. That is the side I prefer her on, and this keeps touching, leadership, and her compliance momentum.
I lead her to the right direction at points with my hand on her lower back. Trust me, when you do this they get the feeling of being protected. Its great touching and comfort all wrapped in one move.
As I passed other cute girls walking by, I smiled at them and said ‘hi’ to some. This reminds this Russian girl I am social to chicks. She sees girls along the way smiling at me and saying hi. These unknown girls will return ‘hi’s and smiles much better because I am walking with a girl and totally non threatening.
They don’t think they have to be defensive to my greetings. I couldn’t be hitting on them since I am with a beautiful girl. And if I was, that’s good too because I must be a prize (pre-selected) walking with her….
I know a bunch of people are thinking that these moves make a girl jealous and will screw up chances with her. Not only does it do the opposite, but has this girl earned any of my affections yet?
While waiting for the orange line, I was leaning one arm on the post and she leaned on the same post facing me, leaning her shoulder. She let her face be near mine while we were talking. She just pulled her hair out of her face, turning her head towards me but close, letting her hair fall on her face again.
I just pushed her hair back off her face, letting my fingertips slightly brush her cheek. She doesn’t break her gaze from mine or move back from my touch at all, so now I know. I let my hand find its way from her cheek and hair to the back of her neck and pulled her to me to kiss.
So I started kissing her there. One five minute open, a text, a re-meetup with a hug… a bit of touching, affection push/pull then ten minutes later a kiss. Things happen that fast when you’re plowing on in the vibe, reading and sending the signals. 93% of communication received comes with Tone, Vibe, and Body Language. It seems like a born-with skill, but this like any clever opener, can be learned and mastered.
It was all about reading her cues and vibing that got her here. If I didn’t kiss her at that moment, she could/would have blocked it later. She was in a moment I could seize.
Now we were getting on the packed train, I know she is coming along to my event. There is no need to keep her entertained, so I sit in one empty seat, she stands by the doors. We just kissed, so I’ll give her a chance to let that sink in. It is very key to give girls little breaks, little takeaways that give her the space to come to you. The break from your attentions let her have something to miss.
We get off the train & walked trying to find the salsa park.
We held hands some, like girl & guy buddies, and then I stopped and got interested in something we were passing. I came back to her to decide to kiss her after looking at her a moment. (I takeaway, then back in with a little escalate in level but then I take away again. This is great at building great tension.)
We traded stories about our life. She told me she was a model. I picked up her hands and asked her
“What, a hand model?” So then I talked about Jergen’s and nail polish ads, while she tried to correct me
“No real model!!” she said
I defended them. “That nail polish models work hard you know. They are just as hardworking as the…”
This just got her laughing and still wanting to correct me.
So we went to the park-salsa, danced a little bit, made out along the way. I would stop her along the walk for a kiss, then she would come at me when I stopped the make out early, pushing her away a little. Sometimes when it would escalate in intensity, I would push her back from then too. We’re out in the world; all I want to do out here is build up tension.
“Not here….” I said. We were on the sidewalk or leaning on a store side. “We have a dance class to get to.”
We went to the salsa for a bit, danced some. She wasn’t really into it. She sat on the bench for a while watching while I danced with the other girls. I kept an eye on her to watch if she was getting bored.
Then we bounced to Copley to walk around. We both were push/pulling the whole walk. I would wander too far ahead then she would call me back. Then she would catch up and keep walking right past me until I caught up with her.
I called her on my cell phone. She answered. I told her to stop. She did. I told her to turn around as I was walking towards her. She did that too.
But when I got to her I looked her in the eyes, held eye contact as I kept walking. I gave her a “hmmpht!’ sound for acknowledgment, joking disregard. This was all very playful, like little kids teasing to be the lead.
She followed me, asked where I was headed next. I turned around, took her hands and started talking about Copley spots like they were fun-park rides… or at least in that excitement I explained with.
We wandered around, between random make-outs, and sat on some park benches talking. At one point she pulled out her compact mirror and was checking her hair or whatever….but for way too long and rude while we’re talking.
I am not down with the vanity thing, she can hit the restroom. I also needed to pull her out of her own head. She was dreaming if she thought she could hold may attention with her looks alone.
I just stood up and walked over to another park bench as I went through my Blackberry checking my email.
She continued to be checking herself in the mirror, yet glancing at me every so often. My takeaway didn’t fully work.
Even after a few minutes went by, she looked absorbed, but girls are always on scan-mode, monitoring things in their peripheral even when they don’t look like it.
I got up from my bench and walked the other direction and behind a structure that you couldn’t see through.
My walking path led me to be right behind her bench. I went there but she wouldn’t see where I was because the structure blocked her view.
I also wanted to finish my email but still keep an eye on her; once she was done in her mirror we could have fun again.
Then I get a text: “Why are you always leaving me?” It was from her.
I just walked up from behind her bench, sat next to her and said: “Relax kid, I’m right here, I was just taking care of my email tasks so I wouldn’t have to worry about them later.”
I told her of where I was going next, which was in Brighton, closer to where I live.
“There in a pizza joint & a few cool clubs.” You always have to frame these ideas as things that are already going on, and she can come along. That keeps the pressure off us both.
Now I don’t get too firm in plans. If I want to hang out with her, if she definitely doesn’t want to go along on the event I chose, I just modify my lead, pick a new place for now.
She said no at first, I told her that we could go there later, and started walking to my train. She followed but it was the train that was going where we said anyway.
This next part is weird, I hardly understand it, but it is how it happened: We went to the Arlington st. Greenline station, and would be taking a ‘B’ line to get where I intended. We talked and chatted and joked and laughed as all the other letter trains came by.
I greeted a few girls there and while walking through the station, nothing direct just easy going ‘hello’s. I was bouncing my attention back and forth from my girl and away to someone/something else. Then a ‘B’ train came.
I stood up, and held my hand behind me for her to take it. She didn’t take it, first time all day of me offering it. She said something about not wanting to to go, but she was up standing and a few steps to the train. “Alright, It was fun meeting you…” as if I was leaving.
She stood there with with a look of the blues in her eye, so I pulled her back to the bench as I sat next to her, looking at her uncertainty and I started laughing. The ‘B’ train took off.
“I am going to the Hookah-bar, and then maybe grab a bite to eat in Brighton. It would be great if you came along, but I have better things to do than hang out in a train station. Why don’t you go home for now, it’s been a long day. You’d have a
great time at these places I am going too; I just have to take the next ‘B’ train that comes through. ”
She had no response so I just went on telling stories and chatting about other things. I explained what the next few steps of mine would be. She stayed engaged in the conversation, and I left some open loops to keep her in curiosity, keep her wanting more.
So I did. I got on the next ‘B’ and she came along. We went to Allston, touched base with a lot of my friends in these places. Then around 10 or so, we talked of going to the playground for a little while.
So far at
this point I have about 4 hours of flirting that led this whole thing to be where it is:
at the bus stop, to go to the playground I intended. She was sitting on the bench, her elbows on her knees, her head on her hands facing down. I was standing up waiting for the bus and she looks up at me and says:
“I am Tired….. I want to go home, or I want you.”
I stopped, I thought about what she just said.
Of course I
was taken aback to what I just heard, but I showed nothing. I looked at her again and said as I would say to anything she would have said that I didn’t hear. “I’m sorry, what was that you said?”
“I am tired. I want to go Home, or I want you.” she repeated verbatim.
I thought for a minute. We had been kissing, I was building up her tension all day by stopping early and the ‘almost kisses’ that drive ‘em crazy. Where I have my face close, my lips close, but I smell her skin, the air rushing over as I inhale.
“Ok… let me check one thing.” I said. I sat down next to her and kissed her like I meant it, a real passionate kiss. I stood up and said “Okay.” and stuck my hand out for a cab.