so they understand that they can replace most of their suitors with the next guy that comes along.Think of a girl in a bar, she blows guys off because guy after guy is coming up to her.
Once you have the active role in designing your life in all actuality, the girl is the overabundant commodity.
It is easy to blow her off since there are tons of women and having high qualifications for the women you welcome into your world makes a spot in it to be more valuable.
That is why the first thing in my mind when I am talking to a new girl is my only goal is to see what she is like to see if I would want her in my world.
When you are in a conversation with a new girl, remember that exchanges of facts leads to boredom. With practice you can learn to bring a fun element to every conversation that you are in.
Asking yourself questions in your mind often leaves an open loop in your subconscious to come up with an answer.
I frequently ask myself “What is funny about all of this?” when I am in different situations and later find my discoveries to be just that. I tend to notice small observations about what is going on around me than seem to pick up the mood of anything I am in.
“How can I add fun to all of this?” is another good one. You may think of childish associations, or exciting silly things to tilt in to you conversations.
By making the small observations you can establish a new dynamic to the two of you that starts to grow those feelings of couple hood. By looking at the world around you from a team thinking mentality has you both on the same plane and this leads to more rapport.
To capture her attention and get her fully engaged on what is going on, you have to stand out from the dozen of previous conversations she already had before you got there. Most people are living in their uptight world, full of worry and concern. One great way to disrupt this pattern is regularly sliding in points of childish silly topics that really mean nothing at all but are fun to talk about.
That team mentality can start to feel really quickly that it is you and her against the rest of the world. When you are making fun of the silly tie the host is wearing or working on playing a childish prank on a person nearby, you have all of sudden become a team of mayhem.
There is no need to take anything too seriously when you are out. Keep looking around the room. Make fun of things that you spot around you. As soon as she joins you in this you are in a team mentality, looking at the world from a shared perspective.
So take those simple steps to increase the chances of her picking up when you call.
I usually use an activity that we both talked about to get her number. “We totally got to trade numbers so we can figure out a day to XYZ together…”
When you get that phone number, it is time for you to make specific plans that is fun and interesting.
“That is so awesome we both like Latin food, we’ll have to check out that new place in Harvard Square to split an appetizer and see what they are like….”
Whatever it may be. You are not trading number for a non-reason. Why would she want to pick up when you call, just to get to know you more? She’d rather do that while you guys are doing something fun together. So with this added to the equation, she now has a specific reason to pickup you call, to confirm the plans and work out the details.
It’s all about passion, purpose, and self expression. It’s all about maximizing every goddamn nanosecond of the day and engineering it for MAX fun.
It’s about having your favorite songs playing at all times on full blast cuzz it’s just who you are and that’s the way it is. And you fucking love it. (Click title for full story)
Compliance to a simple request can be doubled by the most innocent aspect.
There’s little doubt that friends are easier to persuade than strangers. That emotional connection and shared history is often enough to get the poor wretches doing things they’d rather avoid, like helping us move home.
Forgive the mercenary language, but friendship is a fantastic lever for persuasion and influence, a lever we happily push on every day.
But how much does someone have to like us before we can start to influence them? And, more to the point, can only the most fleeting attraction[private] help us persuade
them to comply with a request?
Mere similarity
Jerry Burger and colleagues at Santa Clara University used a sneaky experimental set-up to test this out (Burger et al., 2001). On arrival at the lab, participants were told the study was about first impressions and were asked to choose 20 adjectives which best described them from a list of 50 supplied.
The idea, they were told, was that they would swap lists with another participant in the experiment, then fill out some more questionnaires. After which, experiment over; back to the student bar. In fact the real test was coming.
The 20 adjectives from the ‘other person’ weren’t really from another person, it was part of the experimental manipulation. By varying the number of adjectives the ‘other person’ had ticked, the researchers were dividing participants into three groups:
Similar: this group thought the other person had ticked 17 of the same adjectives.
Neutral: 10 adjectives matched.
Dissimilar: had only ticked 3 of the same adjectives.
The experimenters were manipulating liking between participants and the ‘other person’ by using what psychologists call the ‘mere similarity’ effect. This is people’s tendency to like others more because of some slight similarity with themselves. It could be a friend in common or something as trivial as their names starting with the same letter.
So, when participants left the lab, what a surprise, the person they thought they had been exchanging self-descriptive adjectives with just happened to be walking down the corridor with them.
Then the moment of truth. In passing the participant was asked for a favour: would they mind reading an 8-page essay and providing a page of feedback?
Compliance doubled
Even this seemingly trivial manipulation of adjectives-in-common had a measurable effect. People who thought they were dissimilar only complied with the request 43% of the time. This went up to 60% in the neutral condition. But in the similar condition, compliance went up to an impressive 77%, almost double the dissimilar condition.
The experimenters also did the same experiment in a couple of other ways but reached the same conclusion. Whether the fleeting attraction was caused by choosing the same adjectives or sitting together silently for a couple of minutes, it was enough to double compliance to a request.
This experiment suggests that fleeting attraction can be remarkably powerful in changing ‘no’ into ‘yes’. We process relatively small requests in an automatic way, using simple rules-of-thumb. When asked for a small favour by a stranger, we make a snap judgment on how much we like them based on trivial information, and this can have a huge influence on our response.
Roam your eye contact around wherever you are. Here in Boston, since people are generally socially standoffish to a point, I have a smile ready for anyone who meets my gaze and holds it to the 2nd second. Once that first second is complete & my smile comes in, I get many of them back, at this I usually say something simple like: “Hi” or “How’s it going.” I have no need for the conversation to go any further or for them even to greet me back… but if they do, then that’s great. Maybe I will have a follow up statement. If it is a girl that I think is cute, I may just follow it up with “Hi, I’m C.J., I don’t think we’ve met yet” since I do like meeting new people in the area and making new friends all the time.
When you are in a venue and comfortable making contact with people around the room, with your head high, this is what you see with high status people. The people with many friends do this since they may already know people there or think they should meet a new person which has come. People with high confidence make eye contact regularly and by holding it for a moment or two shows another person that you may be interested in meeting them. If a woman holds my gaze for a full second, I will smile at her in the next one. Many girls have said how powerful it is when A GUY JUST SMILES AT THEM. A smile shows that you like what you see and that feels good for a girl to receive. She may smile back which is great, walk over and say hi but even if she doesn’t, she may keep checking back to you, looking over at you. Again, she is only going to do this if she wants you to come over. By seeing you walk over from her doing this, she will feel you are communicating on an unspoken level, and that she invited you over so she will be very welcoming once you get there.
Is expressing thanks a powerful motivator or just a social nicety?
[haiku url="http://www.adventuresofattraction.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/gratitude-post22.wma" title="Click here to hear passage"]
According to positive psychologists, saying ‘thank you’ is no longer just good manners, it is also beneficial to the self.
To take the best known examples, studies have suggested that being grateful can improve well-being, physical health, can strengthen social relationships, produce positive emotional states and help us cope with stressful times in our lives.
But we also say thank you because we want the other person to know we value what they’ve done for us and, maybe, encourage them to help us again in the future.
It’s this aspect of gratitude that Adam M. Grant and Francesca Gino examine in a series of new studies published recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Grant & Gino, 2010).
They wanted to see what effect gratitude has on the person who is being thanked. Does it motivate and, if so, is it just by making people feel good, or is it more than that?
Double the help
In the first study 69 participants were asked to provide feedback to a fictitious student called ‘Eric’ on his cover letter for a job application. After sending their feedback through by email, they got a reply from Eric asking for more help with another cover letter.
The twist is that half of them got a thankful reply from Eric and the other half a neutral reply. The experimenters wanted to see what effect this would have on participant’s motivation to give Eric any more help.
As you might expect, those who were thanked by Eric were more willing to provide further assistance. Indeed the effect of ‘thank you’ was quite substantial: while only 32% of participants receiving the neutral email helped with the second letter, when Eric expressed his gratitude, this went up to 66%.
How gratitude works
The idea that saying thank you makes people more likely to help in the future is unsurprising, although the 100% increase is interesting, but what the researchers were interested in was why this happens.
Perhaps Eric’s gratitude made people feel better, or at least less bad? Or perhaps saying thanks boosted the helper’s self-esteem, which in turn motivated them to help again.
In fact the experimenters found that people weren’t providing more help because they felt better or it boosted their self-esteem, but because they appreciated being needed and felt more socially valued when they’d been thanked.
This feeling of social worth helps people get over factors that stop us helping. We are often unsure our help is really wanted and we know that accepting help from others can feel like a failure. The act of saying thank you reassures the helper that their help is valued and motivates them to provide more.
Pass it on
The researchers then wondered whether this effect would extend to other people. Would Eric’s thanks make participants more likely to help a different person?
In a second study Eric’s thanks (or lack of thanks in the control condition) was followed, a day later, by an email from ‘Steven’ asking for similar help. The percentage who offered to help Steven was 25% when they had received no gratitude from Eric, but this shot up to 55% when they had been thanked.
So the boost to participant’s social worth carried over from one day to the next and from one person to the next. Although the overall percentages were slightly lower, Eric’s gratitude still doubled the number of people willing to provide help.
In a third and fourth study the researchers tested their findings face-to-face rather than over email. They reached similar conclusions, with increases in prosocial behavior of 50% in the third study and 15% in the fourth study. These lower percentages show that the effect of gratitude on motivation depends on the situation.
Now, these studies mostly looked at the situation where strangers help each other. It’s likely that the effect of a thank you on prosocial behavior is more powerful on people we don’t know, because strangers are more cautious about helping each other in the first place.
Thank you!
Since, for most of us, expressing our thanks is an everyday occurrence, we tend to think nothing of it. But psychologically it has a very important role to play for both the person giving and the person receiving.
All four studies reveal that gratitude is more than just a social nicety, or a way of making the helper feel good; it reassures others their help was actually appreciated and it encourages further pro-social behavior.
So, a big public thank you to Adam M. Grant and Francesco Gino for this enlightening study, hopefully there’s more to follow.
Hearing man guys having one-up points to counter the cool things girls are telling them, I had to write a brief mention of this.
When she is telling you something to admire and appreciate, rather than counter it with your point that you may feel has equal to greater value, take some time, appreciating her point, praising her points.
Here is the ideal conversational partner:
He actively scans through points made for upcoming questions to ask. He nods in approval at key times.
“Out of respect for you friend, I think you should politely turn me down if she feels I am an interuption. I noticed you as I walked by and didn’t know how else I could meet you, to see if you were cool, if I didn’t say hi.”
I then look expectantly at friend, witing for her expressed approval.
“I am already late, but let’s trade info so we can pick this up another time.”
Both me & target looked to friend for her ok. She gave the ‘ok look’ to her friend.
The trick to avoid TMI is to not reveal anything about yourself until you are asked. I know that may sound deceptive but I don’t think so. In the first few dates (let alone the first date) you are still trying to get to know someone,who they are as a person. If you are curious about something,then ask. If you don’t ask I will assume that you don’t desire to know and I won’t tell you then. If someone knows everything about you after the first date then there is no mystery left.
Start by looking carefully at the person you are meeting. Notice any unusual items such as the person’s manner of talking, or physical features, etc.
Listen carefully to the person’s name and if unsure what you heard, ask the person to spell it. Sometimes I simply repeat the name as if I am test-driving the pronunciation. With some names I may just repeat it because it sounds nice, it is a nice name. They are hearing me play with the pronunciation and will correct me if I don’t have it right. This repetition helps too.
The sound of person’s own name is better than the finest music to their ears. Hearing it spoken off your lips already is doing things to increase rapport and generate those liking feelings for you from a new person. The most effective way I have found to remember a person’s name is to say it at least three times at the beginning of a conversation.
“Yes Erica that is a good point. What I also thought was…”
“If what you’re saying is true Erica, then how would you explain the…”
“Ok Erica, let me ask you this…”
Take a mental picture of the person and the name in your mind’s eye. Sometimes I take a first letter of their name and find the place on their face that is shaped like that. If their name starts with an ‘M’ maybe I can see an ‘M’ in the shape of their eyebrows. If it starts with a ‘D’, maybe I see a ‘D’ in the shape of their mouth and the smile line up their cheek. Whatever it may be this is another way to help solidify a person’s name to their actual face making it come to you more quickly the next time you see them.
First by decoding the body language of her then responding with physical signals that both acknowledge her unspoken messages and accurately reflect your own.
We’re waiting on you. Everyone else is waiting on us. Therefore, by the Transitive Property of Equality, everyone is waiting on you.
Rule 1: Have your shit together. Not only will following Rule 1 get you served quicker in a bar, [private]it’s a good general rule to adopt in life and is especially helpful in Central American border crossing scenarios.
Don’t Whistle
This is an absolute No-No! You whistle at dogs, not people.
Don’t Wave money
Oh, you’ve got a dollar!! I’ll be right over!! Hopefully I won’t break an ankle in my fevered rush to get you your “curz lite.” Well, at least you’re not breaking the next rule.
Don’t yell out the bartender’s first name
There’s something deeply psychologically disturbing about hearing your name called out, turning around and seeing a complete stranger. That’s one of the reasons strippers use stage names. Bartenders should too.
Don’t Say “make it strong!” or “put a lot of liquor in it”
Oh, you’re one of the rare drinkers that like their drink strong! When you say this, you’re assuming I make weak drinks (which is insulting) and you’re assuming that I’ll stiffen this one up for my new best buddy, you. This is the best way to get a weak drink.
Don’t give the ever-expanding drink order
You want a Bud…I’ll go get it. I come back and now you want a margarita. Okay, no prob. I come back, and (oh yeah!) now you want a shot of tequila, too. You really could have told us this all at once. See Rule 1.
Don’t pull the redirect (or the bait ‘n’ switch)
Usually used after the money wave or the whistle, this is when the gentlemen passes his turn to the lady behind him. Yeah, um, don’t do that, okay? Chances are she’s not ready, and your weak attempt at chivalry just cost you your turn. See you in 30 minutes.
Don’t try the confused, lost look
This is usually accompanied by the question “What kind of beer y’all got?” while looking at all the beers we have. You did know you were in a bar, right? You didn’t just appear here, did you? Refer to Rule 1.
(I’d like to add that the people who make you list every beer, usually end up just ordering a bud, making you want to punch them in the throat all that much more.)
Don’t order high maintenance shooters
Example: “Lemme get an Alabama Slammer, a Red Snapper, two kamikazes, a buttery nipple and a lemon drop.” Usually followed by a small tip. People, these shooters are fine by themselves, but there are multiple steps involved with each one. Translation: Time sink. You may get them this time, but you’ll probably be waited on last the next time we see your face. Here’s a clue as to whether or not you’re high maintenance; if two bartenders are working and they see you, and they flip a coin and the loser comes over to take your order, pretty good chance you’re high maintenance.
Don’t assume we know you’re in the band
We know, we know, you’re gonna be really famous, but you’re not there yet, tiger. Tell us you’re in the band and which band you’re in. By the way, if you are in a band and get free/reduced drink prices, feel free to tip, as some bartenders are also in bands! It’s not like we don’t know how it is. Oh, and our bands will smoke your band.
Don’t assume we know you period
Unless, you’ve followed the first “Do” rule below, we don’t remember you. You are one of a thousand faces for us, and when you point at an empty glass or a beer bottle that’s invariably facing away from us; your attempt at a shortcut backfires. Tell us what you want.
Don’t be “The Microbrew Aficionado”
Usually a pseudo-hippy who can’t tip a quarter but can’t bring himself to drink “schwag,” and who has to sample some new berry-wheat-harvest-ale that he heard about at Burning Man. “Do you have the new Vernal-Equinox Special Welcome-Fest?” “Does Anyone?” Here’s your Sam Adams. Go.
Don’t Be “The Daddy Warbucks”
Dressed in classic day-trader wear, this loud, boisterous guy smokes cigars and orders martinis and generally exudes an air of money…until the tip. We hate you.
Don’t be a “Whiney Baby”
Under no circumstances should you ever whine to a bartender when asked to see your ID. Our jobs depend on them, and when we spot a fake/expired ID, don’t argue; we’ve seen and heard it all a million times before, and it will get you absolutely nowhere. If you “don’t have one” or “forgot it,” forget it; you don’t belong out on the town in the first place. That’s the law, plain and simple. If we don’t have the law, the terrorists win. You don’t want the terrorists to win, do you? Bring your ID. Remember Rule 1, from a minute ago?
Don’t tell me the bartender hooks it up cheaper …..bullshit because if he did you wouldn’t be gettin it from me! If you can’t afford the drinks you are ordering then don’t drink!
DO
Tip
Tip heavy right off the bat, and you’re the first person we aim for every time you come up to the bar. Did you get that? Go back and read it again. The word will spread to the other bartenders and you’ll be treated like a prince. It will pay off in better drinks and the occasional free one. I always tip a $5 bill right off the bat, first order. After that it really doesn’t matter
Be patient
All you really need to do to get waited on is make eye contact. We see you, and we’ll get to you before the guy right next to you waving money and whistling. Remember, this isn’t insulin we’re passing out here. If you really need the drink that bad, you’ve got a problem to address, Jack. The meek shall inherit the bar.
Understand
We are human not machines we know you’re there however you are not the only or most important one in the bar.[/private]
I am going to touch upon a part of the brain called: ’Broca’s Region’ before I decide how I am going to tell you the applicable stories to it. This part of the pain is a mechanism that decides when something has become predictable it gets out of our conscious attention and [private] pushed into our psychological background. It does this since it does not require our attention anymore. If you stay predictable, her brain decides her attention doesn’t need to be on you anymore.
In order to stay interesting to your self and the people you are in contact with, it is best to stay as naturally unpredictable as you were born.
A man is strong and reliable with plenty of integrity. An interesting man has these qualities along with being unpredictable, full of interesting conversation and actions. When girls have the feeling that they never know what you’re going to do next it turns out that they really want to know and consistently thinking about you.[/private]
This is said in smirking, tongue-in[private]-cheek sort of way. Another form of capturing the frame or taking thought processes that girls do have and bouncing them back to the girl.
She looks at me sort of dumbfounded. I just grab the door, open it & tell her “get in there kiddo.”
[/private]
When it comes to kissing, I hear a bunch of different comments guys will say to feel her out.
Girls like the mystery and surprise (to a point) and the [private] effects and feelings of chemistry.
Usually I will set it up so that I & the girl are talking, close even, face to face. If it is a loud venue, I do not talk in her ear (she’ll be seeing something over my shoulder that might catch her attention) I talk close to her face so she can hear me, but still face to face. You can see the tension, sexual tension rising by talking this close. At those points you can also detect her receptivity to something like your closeness & even a kiss. Maybe you see she licks her lips to be ready. Good sign. Maybe you see her look from one of your eyes to the other, then to your lips. Good sign. To inspire some of this in her, that is a great announcement via body-language that you’re going to kiss her. Look from one of her eyes to the other, then look to her lips and lick yours. Then keep talking, while watching her. You can gauge her receptivity and still hold off for a moment building her sexual tension, anticipation. This is a teasing sweet spot. Once you can see she isn’t turning away to spite the tension you’ve created, this is the unspoken invitation to kiss her. Sometimes I like to take it a step further. I get my lips close to hers, very close, but I still don’t kiss her yet. I just inhale though my mouth so the closeness causes air to rush over her face. Maybe I just take the tip of my tongue and trace her bottom lip so lightly as if it was the tip of a feather. Her desire will increase tremendously. She so wants the kiss at this point so when I do kiss her, I kiss her good. She’s been built up with the tease so I give her a passion filled, deep-sorta kiss, still breaking it off a little early to keep her wanting more.
…I usually do that early in the night for a couple of reasons.
First, this lubes up the social muscles very well, desensitizing you to any anxiety or care about rejection. It becomes wicked easy just to keep starting conversations with all sorts of people. If any interaction turns out to be not what you like, it is easy to not care about any outcome with one girl, there are plenty you have rapport with in that one place on that night.
Once you start a conversation with one group, it is easy to roll out on a good note “I have to touch base with some people; I will come back in a few to chat.” Then you can roll out of that group of girls and walk directly over to another group of girls. The new girls just saw you walk from another group of girls so this shows you are the sociable guy that women like. The last girls watch you walk into the new set which they are assuming are people you are ‘touching base’ with and it looks as you have already known them.
This indicates a ‘pre-selection value’ to both groups of girls. Now being the sociable guy, it is easy to open some more groups and then come back to groups you have previously opened. As the night goes on, rolling in and out of groups starts to feel like you were already friends, to them and to you. As the night goes on, you are not the clingy guy hoping for some validation from some girls who are talking to, you are the guy who brings a group to a high point of laughing or comparable high, then rolling out leaving them to want more.
Next time you roll back in, they will be trying a little harder to keep you around this time, they don’t want you to leave…they just want some more high points.
Since you have met several groups of people, it is great to be introducing them to each other. “I want you to meet my friends, they will love you.” Yes you just met them, but they are now your friends. As I am introducing groups to each other, I will probably mention a thing or two about each person I learned about “…and this is Lisa who is a yoga instructor in Cambridge..” Since these types of comments get the new people talking to each other with a subject underway.
As the night goes on, and not being the clingy guy but the guy they try to keep around with their group, you get a sit of selection to which girl you want more with. You are not settling for the girl who will come home with you, you are choosing which one you like best. You can shoot lots of subtle feeler questions to each girl you are interested in “What are you doing after the bars close?” to see if she has plans, has to work early tomorrow, or what details let you know useful info.
When we walked back in the bar from the patio, there were two girls standing in the aisle, talking to each other. I simply walked over to them, put my hand to hold an arm of each of them and ask: “Are you guys doing alright, having a good time? Do you have everything you need?” They had big smiles to tell me they were. “Ok good, enjoy yourself.”
So maybe they assumed it was my club or I worked there & was just checking on them, that’s fine. I didn’t say I was with the club, I was just asking if they were having a good time. I left a sleight indication that if they weren’t having a good time, I would see what I could do. That is all totally true.
The vodka chick
Usually I probably wouldn’t suggest walking over right before we were leaving to ask her for a number. I would have suggested you make the suggestion mid conversation, in the moment. In that type of dynamic, I was merely observing you, for notes to give you after since I couldn’t so much tell you that in the moment.
Hired guns will have a standard of polite behavior that is a part of her job. What I saw, was her increasing her interest in you significantly as your conversation progressed. This was more than standard ‘polite to customer’ behavior. As you were joking and showing her tricks and switching subjects in the conversation, her attraction was raising. She was touching you more & the frequency was building up through your conversation. She did have to keep bouncing around the bar every so often to do her promo things, but one of those last times she was standing next to you, her frequency of touching you turned into her leaning over and kissing you on the cheek. She is merely a promo girl, that move was WAY above any necessary ‘polite to customer’ move.
The lap dance comment
I was using this first set to show you that something a little bit outrageous & out of context can be said & the girl doesn’t get offended, just playful. Almost anything is ok
It is very good to keep talking (even standing there for a pause in dialog) until you have an explicit sign, them walking away or asking you to leave. It keeps your social muscles well exercised and by switching topics, you will find one that sparks more interest in the girls or a single girl of the group.
The essence of rolling out once you get a high point is that [private] you should be back. You get to a high point, then rolling out then has them wanting more of you already. This is a great way to start the momentum of them wanting you. Making a habit with telling every group you’ll be back is good. If you find that you are not interested in the group, you do not have to but it is good to be doing that. Remember who you opened & what you talked about than come back in and plow some more.
Rolling in and out gives the felling you are the sociable guy who is not needy, deeper rapport will start to happen, ‘their friend in the club’, yet when you roll back in you can escalate things with your target even more.
With that 3 set at Tavern, you saw me lock in, I took a chair, very comfortable. It would be good for you to pull up a chair or when you roll back in to grab a chair from a nearby table and bring it up to theirs. Then by keeping the conversations going as long as possible, your rapport is growing, they are getting more used to your personality, more comfortable knowing you better. Keep your ears open for points you hear them bring up. Once you can be asking them more details about their topics, they are talking more, getting more invested.
A girl who has spent 30 minutes talking to you will fell like she knows you much better than if she spent 30 minutes listening. At first you have to take up the majority of the talking space, but once you have them gabbing, do what you can to keep them talking. Ask the more details about subjects they like, they get excited about, things they are passionate about.
To better indicate your interest in a particular target of the table, you can switch from doing tricks and telling funny stories to asking about her life, qualifying the girl for you. Find out what she does, what she studies, what in life she has that makes her feel truly alive.
As you get better at watching the women you are talking to and detecting how their feeling and such, you’ll be able to go much further. Things like good timing of when to [private]turn your back on her and engage you attention into something else for a bit. This is great when you detect sparks of attraction in her before they are explicit enough. Just in the moment when she feels emotionally stimulated or in need of validation, it is time to turn away slightly, causing her to lean in a little more. Attraction is just a tool to use. When she pulls you back, you can subtly reward her with a touch on the arm or showing in a subtle way that you are interested in her.. If you can tell her attraction for you has jumped, you can turn your back on her a moment. As you come back, if you go to kiss her, you will see she is more likely to accept the kiss.
“I never learn a thing when I talk about myself. Tell me a thing that makes your toes curl. What do you really desire more than anything. Tell me something that noone else knows about you. What’s the most unusual place you’ve hooked up with a guy? How about with a girl?!? If you were writing cosmo tonight, how would you describe your sexual fantasies?”
Like a cat, you need to keep attention and validation slightly out of the girl’s reach. If she finds everything, to be too easily acquired from you, she will get bored and quickly lose interest. On the other hand, if it feels completely unobtainable she will also lose interest and give up, go on to do something else. You keep these things, just barely out of her reach but continuously entice her in small increments.
Another way to begin the momentum of her curiosity is to pick something about her. Then say “You know what they say about women who….****.” (Whatever I can see about her). But I don’t tell her, I just look at her in a knowing way.
Like sometimes when I am talking to a girl and I pick something she has said with “YOU’ SUCH A Girl.” They’ll be asking what/why but I just smirk at them and turn my head away from them. It will emotionally frustrate them but in a good teasing way. That kind of playful emotional frustration that can lead them to chasing a guy they like.
“If I didn’t have to split now, I’d stay around & make out with you but I gotta go.” Usually gets a funny weird enough reaction. I have seen more than once a girl will use topics very detached from this to keep me hanging around a bit. Once I see this happening, I know I am in a sweet spot.
A girl’s emotional mind really wants to tame a wild guy. Someone who is unpredictable and surprising, who she has to work for, that she could lose at any moment.
When you hear those feeler ‘qualifying questions’ from a girl to you, mark it in your mind is a good sign. She is interested in you enough to want to know more and see more of what you’re like. She might say “So what do you do” as with all the questions, especially the qualifying ones, I use these as opportunities to joke or tease with her. You have her undivided attention; play with it a little bit like she is your little sister. If she asks me “So CJ, what do you do” I might tell her “I’m an ice sculptor. Last night I perfected the cube. You wait; with this tray I’ll be doing 12 next week.” Now I’m not saying you never tell her. I just put it off for the time being in the beginning. There will be an automatic stereotype of some sort attached to every profession there is. By deflecting for the time being avoids this and more indicates your likelihood for joking and being playful AND this also shows that earning her acceptance is not on your list. You know how cool you are, you have no need to give her your verbal resume. I do eventually tell her one of two ways. If she asks a second time in the conversation it shows she is really interested. I may tell her then jump to a story of what I wanted to be when I was a little kid, This is giving her the factual information she wants, still maintaining a better fun theme to what you guys are talking about.
The other thing I may say with many questions I am asked. “Don’t worry, we’ll get to that” sort of thinking. I make a mental bookmark in my head about something she inquired about. Then later after we have continued our current threads of conversation and topics have changed, maybe I bring it back up “You asked before about…”. By doing this, she will feel like she was better listened to. You came back to the point. Still, even at this point, I most likely will let her know what she wanted to know then segue it in a topic that is more fun anyway.[/private]
You are a strong man. Someone who lets themselves feel and react to weak emotions is like Play-doh to [private] the world. This is not a way you’d like to appear, this is not the impression you want a nearby girl to have of you. There’s never any reason to express anger with a girl. You can be firm in how you see things. You can be direct in what you like and dislike. There is no reason for anger or rage. Ever.
To be the man who is faced with extreme reasons for anger to happen it stays calm through all of it shows enormous strength.[/private]
There are two keys in accomplishing this. Knowing what you now know you can use these two keys to instigate almost any change you could imagine in your life. The first brings motivation (it is similar to the pain / pleasure principle). The second makes it a lot easier to follow through. The two key are this: [private]
1. Know what you want MORE. Sure I would like to eat that burger now, but it will really bring me more pleasure, in the long run, to not eat it now. I really want to be healthy MORE than I want that burger.
Now this has to be true for it to work. Do you really, really want to be healthy? Thin? If yes, then considering what you want more, in the moment of deciding, makes it a lot easier to make the right decision.
2. Now that you know your brain is hard-wired for what it thinks is best for you, but it really hasn’t “kept up with the times”. You can relax about it. You don’t have to beat yourself up for being weak, or stupid. You can tell your brain “thank you for looking after me, but I know an even better way”.
That last sentence might seem a bit weird to you… “Thanking your brain”. It might seem simplistic and stupid, but here’s the thing: It works.
Why does it work? Because you do not have to fight yourself anymore.
It releases stress.
You don’t have to feel like your tugging in two different directions… (Like one person said on the blog: there is me, and then there is my brain, and I say we eat something healthy, but my brain says it wants to eat junk food). You know that “you and your brain” really want the same thing… to keep you alive, healthy and well, and that your brain is trying to make you do pleasurable things because, historically, those were the healthy things do to.
You can tell your brain: “thanks, but let’s try it this way today…”
You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes. If you actually try it.
So how do you thank your brain?
It’s easy. Just say it, out loud or just think it. Just say: “thank you brain. You are doing your best. I am grateful for that. Now let’s try this way instead”.
And your brain will say: “okay”.
After that, every time you make the right decision, it will become easier. You get some traction, some momentum. And after a few weeks, you’ll have created new pathways in your brain, ones that actually make it easier for you to make the right decision than the wrong one.
Here’s what to do next: TRY IT!
Decide on a habit you want to change, and the next time you feel the urge, ask yourself what you want more…. Then thank your brain for looking after you, and tell it it’s time to try something new. [/private]
, what is easy and brings her back up to playful vibe: “Ah, getting feisty eh? You know what I would [private] do?!? I’d dress you up in a red PVC devil outfit. Complete with the horns like things and a tail…and some bitch boots with a pitchfork…and your friend here. She’s nice. I’d dress her up in a similar but angel outfit with wings and a furry halo. I’d roll with you guys, one on each arm down the street. Every girl would be jealous of you and every time I was to make a decision…I’d let each one of you fight over which decision is the most fun. Whichever is the most fun, we’d do that. [/private]
“Look, you may not see me as Mr. Right, but if you are nice, I may just be ‘Mr Right Now’.”
The reason I hardly use anything like that is because of the truth of the matter. Sure a woman’s good looks can catch my attention, but it takes much more than that for her to be able to hold it. [private]I have dated plenty of models, strippers and perfect 10s. But, if she is boring, psycho or another version of the crazy cat lady, I have better ways to spend my time. I may subtly indicate something about her has caught my attention, but clearly letting her know I want to know more.
Not only does this qualify the type of high quality woman I want in my life, a woman values what she has caught with the essence of her personality much more than what her good looks (thank her parents) will get her.
It is another part of generating her to be chasing you from the first moment. A woman isn’t about to chase a guy she thinks she has won over because she had some genetic perfection. She is going to work at getting and having the man that her conscious actions and behaviors have earned her. By this, she knows that she can continue her good behavior to keep him around even when she is sick in bed and can’t pretty-up for the day.[/private]
As I’ve said before a single body language cue cannot tell you much but when several cues are all occurring at the same time that have similar meaning, a summary/conclusion can be drawn from this. Great benefits from understanding body language happen when you choose to use more of your own body language to express yourself. Research has shown that nonverbal signals can carry up to five times as much impact as the words spoken. Women especially, frequently roll on the [private]nonverbal messages that they see and hear, often times disregarding the words spoken.
Much of what your body language is doing has to be congruent with what you are saying & how you feel or else most women are able to read the conflict. Knowing the body language cues is very helpful though, since most men aren’t very expressive with their body language by knowing the cues you can turn up the volume of the messages you are sending.
When it comes to the handshake, many men grow up believing a firm one is the only way to go with everybody. In man to man interactions, the integrity and dominance are judged by the handshake. However, with a woman it is a totally different story, many men will still use their ‘firm handshake’ (sometimes too firm) when meeting a woman.
What I have found, in the subtle differences starts with a woman’s perception, is a few changes will establish a few things in her mind about you. Women are not as accustomed to the regularity of handshaking for meeting new people as men are. When it does happen I usually start with a firm (not too firm, just solid contact, all the way around) handshake to her to have the solid essence of my personality. Since there is no need to express dominance on a first meet up with woman (that may come later), I tilt my hand a bit so her hand is in my hand yet on top of mine. This lets her feel safe with the first meet up and since her hand is resting in mine, I do not pull my hand back. I keep talking and let her hand stay in mine as long as she wants to leave it there. She can have comfort in our physical contact and if we keep talking she usually leaves it there a bit longer than handshake might last, indicating to me a pleasant reception.
During a first handshake, I already know that I am the man, the dominant gender of our species. I may later make moves and have statements to remind her of this dominance that she can feel safe in, yet during a first meeting it is already pre-defined.
I also like to see, by the maintained conversation and maintained eye-contact, her feeling no pressure to pull her hand back. I think the extended eye-contact is another factor that she likes yet doesn’t want to interrupt it by pulling her hand back. On first meeting, this alone establishes a lot of comfort with touching and the extended eye contact builds up the sexual tension.[/private]
with her she may give you an insulting response or an angry stare. No matter what, stay strong. This is just another form of the chick’s test.
She may do this to see if you retreat, apologize and slot yourself into the category with all the other wusses she has met before you.
What will attract her the most is standing strong, with no surrender. It’s a joke for cripes sake, can’t she take those?
I may get confused at first since I thought she was bright and would get the joke. I am never apologetic or defensive about having upset her. Her mood will quickly change when she sees that I am not trying to offend anybody, I’m just teasing.
Since she will look insecure if she can’t take a joke, this tension will get her start to smile and laugh. That self confidence will spark the magic feelings of attraction.
There will be times when you are talking to a girl and there are issues that generate a deep rapport for you to share together. That can be good in all, but remember you just met this girl.
When it comes to people you have just met, a great way to connect is [private] establishing and maintaining more of a wide rapport,on many subjects. This is when you have many different subjects that you agree on. This is when you have many perspectives that you see eye to eye on. These are the types of people we end up meeting and feeling like we have known forever.
With all people many factors that started in our childhood never changed throughout our adulthood. We still do still operate on the award/punishment scales. Is she laughing at your jokes? It is time to reward her in some way. Show her you like this. Is she being offhandedly affectionate? There is another time to offhandedly reward her and indicate that you enjoy her.
When you first meet a girl, be it online or in person, as with much of the dynamic, you are going to have to use your first 90 seconds to be amazing, the ‘wow factor.’ Then and still she knows more about what you have to offer to the interaction, and about you as a person, you will have to take out 85 – 90% of the conversation space. (Remember girls hate silences, at first they are all uncomfortable).
As you to get to know each other then the scales seem to even out. My favorite place which you can discover as she tells you more about herself, is when she is taking up most of the talking time and you were just listening. I personally like to listen very much. I learned a lot about people in those places.
As I am listening I am making little notes in my head of topics to revisit and which ones she seems most passionate about that would be fun to talk about in more detail at a later time.
She starts out with such a small percentage because she is warming up to you and learning about your personality. Women are born social creatures. Much of this comes from learning about a person one is speaking with an identifying the points of rapport. She’s also learning which topics and styles seem to get her the most conversational reward as she shares her stories with you.
Guys who do not put this extra effort into a conversation with a girl they just met, I often see them letting it fizzle out and then walking away feeling like they were not liked. This definitely may not be the case and probably isn’t if you were trying to go 50/50 on the conversational talk time. Guys go on to think that a girl did not like them. This could be absolutely the opposite of the case, yet her natural womanly behaviors keep things this way until they are not, when she feels comfortable opening up more to you. I hate to hear guys are thinking that their opener was not clever enough.
The opener is nothing my friend. It is merely a spark to the fire of conversation, to get it going. It is the fire. It is what happens after that initial introduction that decides the connection between two people. (As a side note, I was recently talking to a check friend who made the point that our guy who would not be that hot in a photograph, once he gets her laughing he becomes pretty ‘smokin’.
It is what it is, but I hate to hear guys looking for that bonus prize, that ‘get me laid’ opening statement they can make to a woman. As with you, it takes something more than that which will just catch the attention, you need something that’ll hold her attention and build things up like never before. I hate to talk about these things like this so extreme, but once you’re in the essence of a moment those times will happen.
When it comes that first conversation I would suggest touching upon many different subjects. It is easy and very beneficial to keep changing the subject. You’ll see the ones that spark her up a bit. These you can amplify for a moment while noting in your head what they were. You can bring these to a high point then once you change the subject you can remember which topics to touch back upon.
By covering many different subjects throughout a first conversation you are feeling out which of the many topics you two can have rapport on and which subjects you can keep coming back to. Consistently changing topics rather than talking one to its dying day will keep you evidenced as the interesting guy you really are.
You really are. Think about it think about how many topics you do have interest in. Think about how many things really excite you. If you can briefly touch upon many of these it will do two wonderful things in an early conversation. It will show that you are a passionate guy because you keep talking about the numerous subjects you do get passionate about. Girls are very attracted to a passionate guy. Girls are very attracted to interesting guys with numerous subjects they have interest in.
Once your passion is revealed you will either see her shared passion in such therefore establishing a beginning rapport on the subject or she will just see yours. Even if she does not share the passion which you do she will admire your passion for it. Then once you have covered many topics and out of these found many that you BOTH share a passion about, you rapport is growing wide… across numerous topics. Here is how we find the type of people we can talk about anything with. I bet you can remember hearing of a girl talking about a guy she liked a lot. I bet that is exactly one thing she said about him (we could talk about anything.)
Now this is great, you can just keep talking and talking while switching and changing subjects. You just keep on talking making enough pauses to give her chances to respond. She may not, and you are not dependent on this but while doing this the second you see that something you are talking about happens to spark something in her you can clam up. Clam up so she has a chance to participate in this topic. Then you can help her to elaborate her points. You can ask for elaboration on details she mentions. While listening, it is nice to hold eye contact with a slight grin and nodding through her every word. This will tell her that you are paying good attention to her, intently listening and eager to hear her next passages. Doing this you can remain always ready to jump in and take over the conversation with points you heard and mentally bookmarked whenever needed.
As conversation is moving along you can cause new topics and ask for open-ended questions. I would suggest you commit to never asking any sort of ‘yes/no’ type of questions. With a little practice you can learn to make sure all of your questions are the open-ended type. The types that will inspire her to have long-winded answers are great. This whole time you can listen to her answer while mentally taking notes on details to ask her about.
Often girls will have to elaborate their answers to your creative questions. Other times girls may say something like: “Um… I don’t know.” This may happen because she really does not know an answer. Other times this may happen because she feels on the spot, she hasn’t gotten comfortable enough with you yet to open up and discuss things with you elaborately. Either way, you can clarify the question some.
This not only will give for a more detailed description of what you’re asking but also gives her a few moments to think about the answer to the first question you asked.
Sometimes girls need this. Whereas they might have felt to be put on the spot at first, while listening to you rephrase it they can be gathering an answer.
For example, to get to the core of our passions is often useful to look at our childhood. I may ask her something like: “Do you remember when you were a kid, what it was that you wanted to be when you grew up?”
Many times I find girls frequently do remember what this was. Maybe they love animals and wanted to be a veterinarian. Maybe they thought it would be cool if they were a nurse. If they tell me that they don’t remember I can give them an example of the type of answer I was looking for by giving them my own.
“Aw shucks (I say jokingly) that’s too bad. I find it can be pretty useful to figure out what we were thinking as kids to understand the core of our passions today. When I was in preschool, even before I could read, I still like to play as if I was reading books. The teacher’s aide told me I look like a lawyer so I was convinced her for some time that’s what I would be. I would go home and play mock trial with my parents either being a lawyer or being a judge. As I got older I never much wanted to be a lawyer but I do get a kick out of reading a lot and you find a strange fascination in the logic and reasoning that can be used in the courtroom.”
Nowas I gave my reply I gave very much into it. I was very sincere and told her about things I would play when I was a child. Sometimes by showing example, putting that ‘Umph’ into the reply will be modeling to her what you expected. Then she might be more likely to give you a more passionate answer and think some more about her own childhood.
As you are doing those things in qualifying her, once she passes the little tests you have presented it is time to seize the moment. “Oh my God, you are so cool. How can we make sure we hang out again? This is a lot of fun.”
You can even seize the moment and reward her right away. “That is so awesome!” And then pulled her close to you to kiss her on the cheek. There is never a reason to waste time. Once you detect that moment at hand it is time to seize it. Many guys a lawful themselves out of the park because of too many worry statements were second-guesses. Girls live on a moment to moment basis. When the moment is high and you guys are sharing one they love it to be seized. It feels natural. It feels like a natural connection in the moment of that connection was seized by you both.
Practice talking about racy subjects. Sexual topic should be an easy, free-flowing type of conversation that falls easily from your lips. This is showing that sex is an easy-going topic for you. This will also show that you are somewhat of a seductive person and have plenty of experience with women. They like that. It shows a skilled lover and a man who has been qualified by many girls previously. This will indicate to her that since you have been pre-qualified by many girls before her, she is less work to do. This actually is way more of a weighted qualification because girls never truly know how to properly qualify a guy. They keep trying in many different ways to cover obvious bases but there have been plenty of times before when they have done that and it not work out as they had expected.
“I am not the kind of guy that would just take a girl that caught his attention home the first night and give her a night of pleasure and continuous orgasms. I am not that easy. I see you have real potential to hold my attention but you can at least buy me a few drinks first.”
Another great way to turn up the thermostat for the heat of your interaction is simply to talk about kissing. Let’s say you been talking for five or 10 minutes and felt some genuine rapport developing between the two of you at some point when you are close in proximity during the conversation you can just ask her: “If I were to kiss you, on a scale of 1-10, how do you think I’d rate your kiss?”
At this point not only will she be trying to take pride at a presumed high score, she’s going to imagine kissing you. It will cross her mind at this point in the image is likely to pop in every so often since she started. At this time, I myself, since I was thinking about it as well, might start alternating my gaze from her eyes to her lips every so often. It might be nice to imagine what those lips taste like at this point. Because I do love the woman’s eyes sometimes I find it hypnotic to triangulate my gaze upon her. That is if you alternate from eye to other eye to her lips, this can feel very sensual just making the gaze that way. She will probably notice this too and feel sensuality from your gaze. I remember sometimes while doing this, girls have done either offhanded or explicit moves to get this happening.
Offhandedly they may just move close or get their face closer to yours. Explicitly, yet much less common and seen a girl come right in to kiss me on the lips. A few times when they had done this it seemed like they were distracted for a second as they came in for the kiss and then went on with talking as if they just had to satisfy a sudden craving distraction.
Sometimes hints may work better than anything else. Let her mind play with what you stated but then move on. There is no need to make your coy statements and then stop speaking because you’re waiting for her reaction. “I have a bottle of whipped cream in the fridge. You should come home with me and help me finish it off. The bouncer here reminds me of Jim Gaffigan.”
If you do make a statement and sort of positive her reaction, watch her carefully. If you see in her face and/or body that she isn’t heated up enough for this yet, you can take it away. “We should go back to my place and massage oil onto each other skin. I just picked up this kind that smells and tastes like mangoes.” (but if you do see her face showing anything but eager anticipation…) “No, wait a second. You are pretty tall I don’t think I have enough for your body.”
You see, before you took it away you illustrated a nice semi-sexual picture of imagery and her brain. Women love the imagination since theirs does paint magical pictures. Even if she had a bit of hesitancy to your suggestion, don’t worry, the picture will stay for a while and it will flash back every so often.
As you know, any ‘No’ she says is simply ‘No’. That’s easy. She wont even say it unless it is real But when it comes to subtle hesitations things are different, so I hate to see guys interpreting the worst out of these. If she did find a place to express her minor hesitation, like anything else, it is all a joke until it’s taken seriously. Laugh it off. Laugh heartily and then change the subject. Women are very funny like this when you don’t need to take their comments in a moment to be much at all. Many times she has many rejections. It is to satisfy her need not to look like the stereotypical ‘slut’. Most girls seem to have a need to establish themselves away from the stereotype. I think by laughing it off and not taking it seriously or personally rather, shows the insignificance you find in the stereotype anyways.
This also shows that you take any rejection towards you as kind of a joke. Since girls usually fall into your arms and you understand she is saying what needs to be said to establish herself as a non-slut, all you can do is laugh it off. You heard it, you accept it, you allow her to establish what she needs to (as not having behaviors that would classify her as a ‘slut) but still not taking it too seriously or personally.
Most of the time, I find that girls need to get their protest to be ‘on the record’. Once this is said they feel a little freer to give in to their desires and go with their attraction. I see most often that girls do not want you to stop your pursuit based on this ‘technical rejection’. Now things can go along as you both want. This is why are found laughing it off to be the easiest acceptance of it. You accept the fact she wants her minor protest to be heard but nothing more since it wasn’t an outright ‘No’..
You don’t need to have a smooth transition into some of these things. It may take some practice but often being very comfortable in a major change in tempo of the conversation you’re having can be quite charming to a girl. This can show you have major balls, which is nice.If you have the comfort to adjust the tempo of a conversation from casual then easily slipping in a sexual innuendo shows you are very confident and comfortable with your sexuality. This is very attractive.
21st century has been seen to stifle many people’s free expression of the sexuality inside of them. You don’t have to be a part of that. Being very bold when you first approached her and then bolt throw your interaction shows you are not ‘just another average guy’. Keeping the tension up, and keeping her slightly intimidated is a sweet spot for you both. When you can introduce these dramatic tempo changes to the conversation it goes to reveal that you are person who you never know what to expect from him.
After laying out somewhat of a foundation of that, let me cover a part of the ‘rejection’ topic. There really is no such thing until the woman says “No” or something of that specific nature. This is another reason why I personally prefer open-ended questions and sometimes indicating my desired intents with a statement rather than a question. When you start getting into racy topics (and other topics actually) you will see that any lack of explicit rejection is actually acceptance.
In the case of yes/no questions think of it this way, if you were to say something like: “Do you want to…” and she feels she needs to say “no” to maintain her image as proper and that is what she’ll do. This being said, if you were to say something like: “Let’s go do this…” and she has no reply than she is for the suggestion. If she is specifically and directly not for the suggestion she will go ahead and say something along the lines of indicating that she doesn’t want to or she can’t or it’s not possible for some reason.
Remember that in many cases any lack of negation to your suggestion is a girl’s way of accepting it. To make a suggestion without it being a yes/no question, you can say something like “We should go to my house to smoke hookah and get my cat to chase the laser pointer.” Or something like “We should go back to my place and watch my cat do back flips while you give me a massage.” If she says nothing then your suggestion has generally been accepted. You don’t have to consider her ‘not into it’ unless she says something like “No, that’s not a good idea” or another thing along those lines. The only other time I can think of she may indicate she is not into it if she is not his while you’re on the way were about to leave to then she may indicate it then. Otherwise she is all for it. As a standard, girls don’t normally say something like “Yeah let’s go do that.” They will go along with what they think may be fun until they don’t.
While you are having a great time enjoying each other’s company, you should just presume, as you would with any other friend that she is coming home with you. Don’t go in at all of these unspoken and unfounded expectations of negation where they’re not necessary. Do not make an issue of a non-issue.
Making these random comments with sexual undertones is a part of what I explained as foreplay and my detailed passages about sexy-time. Foreplay should not begin when you decide to get sexually intimate, as an ‘all of a sudden’ event. You should consistently be flirting and sprinkling in seductive comments throughout your conversation with a girl you have a sexual interest in. A girl’s imagination is a beautiful thing.
When our thoughts are brought to sexy places it can start her arousal and maintain it at mild levels way before any touching happens. Doing this consistently and steadily along with a slow teasing physical foreplay can bring the woman to unknown heights in their orgasm.
Girls do want a bold confident man. While many guys try to sneak their way in to an interaction with a girl with crafty, clever lines… if you just go in with your boldness this will make quite an impression in itself.
You can begin your flirting and sensuality and spoken foreplay from the very minute you say hi to a new girl. It is subtle yet this is revealing all your cards on the table in a way. Girls have been hit on since they hit puberty. There is no way for any guy to approach her with intensity in his mind and are not able to see through it. It is much easier if you just cut all of the bullshit. When I approach a girl it is no secret that she caught my attention. I am now talking with her to see what she is like, to see if she can hold my attention, to see if I want more of my time to be spent with this girl. When a guy comes up to a girl unafraid of any ‘risk of rejection’ or what have you, then all of a sudden she sees a shinier apple presented to her.
I have found it to be perfectly fine and very well accepted to have my intentions obvious. It seems like some guys are trying to sneak their way into a girl’s attention and coerce her to the bedroom without her realizing what’s going on. This does not happen, this is not seduction. Recently while at a mall with a friend of mine we decided to go into Spencer gifts. As you’re walking and my friend was telling me that the store now had quite an extensive sex toy selection.
While walking in I saw it was a cute girl was working the register that day so my first sentence to her was: “My friend tells me that this is a sex toy shop nowadays. Is that true?” With this little piece of information I was able to start our conversation on a somewhat sexual level. When she tells me the story is as I suspected I ask her to show me her collection. As we get over to the section of the store I tell her that I was curious about vibrators. I then asked her to tell me which is the best or which is the most popular. She goes on to show me the first model that she thought of. I will not ask her questions of the reasons it was supposedly better than the rest. While she was explaining its features I simply gazed upon her. I looked into her eyes, enjoyed gazing upon her face and neck and listening to the sexual topic she was describing and the sensual way she was describing it.
As she was explaining the features of this first vibrator I went on to ask her:”Does the nice sounding features of this vibrator cause a woman to lose the novelty, enjoyment of the real thing, of a real penis?” With utter sincerity, she went on to tell me with a very sophisticated sounding know-how that this absolutely was not true. “From my perspective, and understanding both, although this is very nice there is nothing like a real penis. There is nothing like skin on skin.” She was getting very sexy and describing this and seemed to want to prolong the conversation so she went and picked up a second model and describe its features. I merely listened and enjoyed the sensuality I was watching come into her as she described the sexual nature of these devices.
A girl enjoys a bold and confident man who has no qualms about touching upon the subjects because then again, by doing this you show her that the subjects are absolutely acceptable in conversations between the two of you. She will know now that she can freely express how she feels about such topics. Forget any ‘risk’ of possible rejection you are thinking. I think you should embrace and dance with these risky topics to get yourself comfortable with them and indicate to her that you are comfortable with her talking of them. Women love sex more than we men do. Once she feels she has established herself past the anti-slut protocol, and these topics have a perfect comfort ability as when shared with you, she will feel like she can enjoy you and her own sexual experience without being (looked down upon.)
I hear and see many guys who think that the minor rejections are something they earned. In essence that is really not the case. You see, women have these built-in automatic rejections to hand out to the general male crowd. Girls want to ensure they have high standards for which man they get with. If they can toss out a simple easy rejection to their approach and he drops the issue, then that was easy. She now filtered through and eliminated a weak sort of man. Girls have the negation to incoming males built-in is an automatic. They have been pursued and approached by men since puberty. Guys have whistled at them from driving by, guys have ‘Cat-Called’ them from the construction site and guys have ogled them on the beach since they grew boobies.
Get over the pride. Hearing these minor statements of rejection is really nothing. If you are subtly and not so subtly indicating your intent, you will see a few things. She will begin thinking about and imagining what sexy-time with you is like. She will see you are bold and candid and comfortable enough to be taking things all the way. And finally, somewhat based on her reaction, you’ll be able to see how much attraction has been built so you can gauge and decide your current actions with this girl and/or future actions with future prospects.
I told you that women are very much on the moment to moment basis and testing you. Personally I think of up several times I’ve stated a firm opinion on one side of the subject. The girl I was speaking with that expressed the opposite side of the same subject. I quickly acknowledged (not discrediting her point) but then went on to further illustrate the reasons why I feel the way I do. I’ve seen more than one case where a girls next comments will be those on the side of the issue that I originally expressed. seems they just throw these things out there to see the resiliance of a potential male in their world.
Life is funny, enjoy it. It is all a joke until it’s taken seriously and only take the part seriously which you wish to be a part of your world. What points a girl makes that you do take seriously is another reward in conversation that will inspire them to grow. Reward the ones that you like to have as a part of your world.
Since the best punishment from childhood on is merely ignoring, ignore all of those that you disagree with. You are merely paying attention to the ones you like therefore showing there a reason to elaborate those points. If she is getting no attention or acknowledgment about the points you don’t like she is very much less likely to elaborate on those. On the ping-pong table she got no pong to her ping.
…Anyways, it all started on my way back into Boston Common from DWTN Crossing, it was sunny, a nice day just to randomly greet people. I said ‘Hi’ to random interesting people I passed, started little 3 min convos, smiled and wave-acknowledged a bunch. I could feed the birds if….
At the moment she came into scene, I was on one side the crosswalk headed back to the commons courtyard. As I stand there, I scan everybody as I always do and I see her. She is an absolute ‘true10′ but without the ‘I hate the world’ look on her face. Out of the 15-20 people on that side of the street, she stuck out to me like a flamingo in a pack of seagulls, but she wasn’t covered in make-up. She wasn’t decked in ‘look-at-me’ clothes, just a [private]pair of jeans and a button down shirt.
That’s what caught my eye the most. She had an ‘agenda-free’ look, no expressions, no mask held up. She was a good 20 years old but had the un-city like innocence on her face. She had model beauty, but naturally.
I have my sunglasses on so I continue to look like I’m scanning as I watch her (my head slowly gazing back and forth, while my eyes were on her). If I wasn’t wearing my sunglasses, I would have checked her out in my peripheral sight while not showing that I noticed her till she was close enough to open.
You know how girls flirt subconsciously with their body language? They fix their hair, their shoes, or position their pose in an attractive way. Speaking in girl speak, I know some off handed body language motions that get them looking.
Girls do get shielded when they know guys are looking at them. When the walk light goes on I casually walk across the crosswalk but I am moving towards where I would be passing next to her.
As we pass each other, to play out as if seeming like I just noticed her, I simply smile and say ‘Hello’ and tilt my head back, greeting-ly. (tonality is key here, and have found the ‘Hello’ gets a lot more responses than the ‘Hi’ because you can draw out the elongated vowels, saying it in a slow sexy tone.)
She says “Hi’ back to me on her way past. I did a swoop around (which I hardly ever do, but she did catch my attention very well). I walk her direction and stop her just on the sidewalk where I started. We are in front of Finagle a Bagel, next to the crosswalk.
“Well, You ARE ugly…” (I said this while smirking, she definitely knows I’m joking) “…but something is drawing me to want to see what you’re like, find out more about you…HI, I’m C.j.” and I stick out my hand.
Now when I stick out my hand to shake a girl’s hand, this isn’t a business meeting. I am not trying to show her I have a firm handshake, I don’t need any alpha over tilt.
I offer her my hand, solid connection then my palm up holding hers in it. I can give her the most welcoming hand shake so she can feel most comfortable right now. She needs to have a first impression before she’ll feel safe following my lead. Or being in the tension I will be creating.
I don’t not pull my hand back after the standard amount of greeting time; it’s easy to leave it there for as long as she wants to leave hers in it. She doesn’t feel like I’m gripping, just matching her pressure. Often we pull our hand back like we do in a regular nice-to-meet you handshake. This hold open is saying to her in Body language: ‘you have caught my attention, I am still curious’ I leave my eyes mostly in hers while her hand is in mine.
We chat, most of my eye contact on her eyes with quick scans every so often, to think of things and not to seem like a staring psycho. Her hand is still in mine. I am not gripping it, I am just open handed lightly solid.
She tells me she is from Russia; I practice my single Russian phrase with her. “Kahk DeeLah” (written phonetically). We chat a little and I notice her friend is standing a few feet behind her. I can tell from this, that she would get pulled by her friend or pull herself from this to not keep her friend waiting.
I tell her of an outdoor salsa class I am headed to later; I give her the time constraint of: “Well, I was going this way…” (She just starts to slowly pull her hand out of mine), “….and I have to feed the birds…” (she didn’t notice how ‘non-pressing’ that is, time-wise.) “…but let me see your cell phone, we can talk later.”
She pulls her phone out as if she was going to punch the number in herself, but I pretended not to notice, and was holding out my hand expectantly. She finally hands me the phone.
The picture on the phone’s screen was probably why she didn’t want to hand me the phone in the first place, but I’ll get into that in a bit.
I punched in my number, called my phone, and then described to my voice mail everything I just learned about this girl in the few minutes we talked. I hang up & tell her that I will call her a little later and walk on my way.
About 30 min later, I text her saying that “I should be finished at 5:00 and will call you then.” Yes, I did text her30 min after meeting her: I planned on keeping this temperature going.
I got her flirty temperature up while we talked. I knew if I was going to manage this I’d need to keep it up. I text in 30 minutes, call an hour later about a same day event.
I know that when you text things like that, they wait and are thinking about you the whole time until you call. She also is ready to talk to you when you call, she will be a little bit more…um how could I say this?… ‘State-prepared.’
I end up getting caught up in other things when I realize it is 5:45, so I call.
I get her voicemail message. Then a recording tells me her voice mailbox is full. Ok, I carry on.
I saved my name into her phone, so if she has caller ID she’ll know that I called. If she calls back – great…. if she flakes – oh well. She caught my attention for a few minutes.
Then at 5 minutes to six I get a text from her:
She says: “Its almost 6!! ”
So I see she got my text. I am guessing she saw my call on ID, but who knows. Now she is telling me by subtext, “ok C.J., call me now, I will answer.”
I call her. I tell her about the salsa in the park and ask where she is at his very moment. She tells me she’s in the Common
“Great, I’m over by the ‘Park St’ staircase, meet me here and we’ll go over to salsa together.”
This is all part of the ‘Assume the Close’ I just told her about the event, expected she would be dying to go, and told her what to do next to come along. (To be continued)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was explaining this to a buddy of mine on a different situation. If she doesn’t want to go, she’ll stop things & indicate it clearly or say it clearly. There is no need to ask her anything. Just lead. If she follows – great, if not – lead to something else.
Hear what she says in words when it comes to her denials. I don’t try to read signals, and tones, and subtext unless they are compliances, unless they are the message I want to hear. Interpretations of subtext are so broad/vague. Guys are not built to read between the lines.
The only: ‘Supposed to’ to define in this interaction are the words. Meanings beyond what is said, while girls get that naturally, if you have learned this, Great. Since the interpretation is open, read the ones you want to hear. (& her seeing which ones you read is a reward to her. She will keep giving back the ones picked up on, the positive ones.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(resume)
So, I Tell her of the good time at the salsa. Then I tell her what her next step is, & that it’s easy on her part. We can go from there….
I sit on the planter next to the stair case and am going through my date book paperwork. I think she is coming with her friend. We can all go the Salsa, I can work them like a two set, and some other dance partner will keep her friend occupied.
When she comes over, She gets my attention & is by herself now. (This is a signal her interest; did she ditch her friend to hang out with me alone?)
I stand up, give her a hug, lean back while holding her arms and check her out (I look from eyes all the way to shoes, then back to eyes. My smile brightens in the scan to be brightest back into her eyes as I start a new thread)
I tell her a bunch of details about the salsa as I put my hand on her lower back to guide her to the direction of the staircase.
And I keep talking, no questions to her are needed here, I just ramble along about my day. Girls are usually nervous at the start of dates and such. They want you to be talking & keeping the spotlight off them till they warm up a bit…..this always works for me.
Don‘t worry about it, after they get talking, they love to ramble on. Then you can ask her open ended questions to keep her rambling. At this point, she’ll interrupt if she has something to tell me.
We walk downstairs to Park St. cut across underground tunnel to Downtown to grab the orange line. I body language vibe her the whole way.
I take her hand into mine (as if I am testing it, in my head) then I toss it down like it was covered in cooties. I do that as I’m talking about something else. I pay no mind to it, but it does get filed in her mind, you’ll see the expression on their faces as you get better at vibing.
As we walk, sometimes I will take her by the shoulders and move her to my right side as we walk. That is the side I prefer her on, and this keeps touching, leadership, and her compliance momentum.
I lead her to the right direction at points with my hand on her lower back. Trust me, when you do this they get the feeling of being protected. Its great touching and comfort all wrapped in one move.
As I passed other cute girls walking by, I smiled at them and said ‘hi’ to some. This reminds this Russian girl I am social to chicks. She sees girls along the way smiling at me and saying hi. These unknown girls will return ‘hi’s and smiles much better because I am walking with a girl and totally non threatening.
They don’t think they have to be defensive to my greetings. I couldn’t be hitting on them since I am with a beautiful girl. And if I was, that’s good too because I must be a prize (pre-selected) walking with her….
I know a bunch of people are thinking that these moves make a girl jealous and will screw up chances with her. Not only does it do the opposite, but has this girl earned any of my affections yet?
While waiting for the orange line, I was leaning one arm on the post and she leaned on the same post facing me, leaning her shoulder. She let her face be near mine while we were talking. She just pulled her hair out of her face, turning her head towards me but close, letting her hair fall on her face again.
I just pushed her hair back off her face, letting my fingertips slightly brush her cheek. She doesn’t break her gaze from mine or move back from my touch at all, so now I know. I let my hand find its way from her cheek and hair to the back of her neck and pulled her to me to kiss.
So I started kissing her there. One five minute open, a text, a re-meetup with a hug… a bit of touching, affection push/pull then ten minutes later a kiss. Things happen that fast when you’re plowing on in the vibe, reading and sending the signals. 93% of communication received comes with Tone, Vibe, and Body Language. It seems like a born-with skill, but this like any clever opener, can be learned and mastered.
It was all about reading her cues and vibing that got her here. If I didn’t kiss her at that moment, she could/would have blocked it later. She was in a moment I could seize.
Now we were getting on the packed train, I know she is coming along to my event. There is no need to keep her entertained, so I sit in one empty seat, she stands by the doors. We just kissed, so I’ll give her a chance to let that sink in. It is very key to give girls little breaks, little takeaways that give her the space to come to you. The break from your attentions let her have something to miss.
We get off the train & walked trying to find the salsa park.
We held hands some, like girl & guy buddies, and then I stopped and got interested in something we were passing. I came back to her to decide to kiss her after looking at her a moment. (I takeaway, then back in with a little escalate in level but then I take away again. This is great at building great tension.)
We traded stories about our life. She told me she was a model. I picked up her hands and asked her
“What, a hand model?” So then I talked about Jergen’s and nail polish ads, while she tried to correct me
“No real model!!” she said
I defended them. “That nail polish models work hard you know. They are just as hardworking as the…”
This just got her laughing and still wanting to correct me.
So we went to the park-salsa, danced a little bit, made out along the way. I would stop her along the walk for a kiss, then she would come at me when I stopped the make out early, pushing her away a little. Sometimes when it would escalate in intensity, I would push her back from then too. We’re out in the world; all I want to do out here is build up tension.
“Not here….” I said. We were on the sidewalk or leaning on a store side. “We have a dance class to get to.”
We went to the salsa for a bit, danced some. She wasn’t really into it. She sat on the bench for a while watching while I danced with the other girls. I kept an eye on her to watch if she was getting bored.
Then we bounced to Copley to walk around. We both were push/pulling the whole walk. I would wander too far ahead then she would call me back. Then she would catch up and keep walking right past me until I caught up with her.
I called her on my cell phone. She answered. I told her to stop. She did. I told her to turn around as I was walking towards her. She did that too.
But when I got to her I looked her in the eyes, held eye contact as I kept walking. I gave her a “hmmpht!’ sound for acknowledgment, joking disregard. This was all very playful, like little kids teasing to be the lead.
She followed me, asked where I was headed next. I turned around, took her hands and started talking about Copley spots like they were fun-park rides… or at least in that excitement I explained with.
We wandered around, between random make-outs, and sat on some park benches talking. At one point she pulled out her compact mirror and was checking her hair or whatever….but for way too long and rude while we’re talking.
I am not down with the vanity thing, she can hit the restroom. I also needed to pull her out of her own head. She was dreaming if she thought she could hold may attention with her looks alone.
I just stood up and walked over to another park bench as I went through my Blackberry checking my email.
She continued to be checking herself in the mirror, yet glancing at me every so often. My takeaway didn’t fully work.
Even after a few minutes went by, she looked absorbed, but girls are always on scan-mode, monitoring things in their peripheral even when they don’t look like it.
I got up from my bench and walked the other direction and behind a structure that you couldn’t see through.
My walking path led me to be right behind her bench. I went there but she wouldn’t see where I was because the structure blocked her view.
I also wanted to finish my email but still keep an eye on her; once she was done in her mirror we could have fun again.
Then I get a text: “Why are you always leaving me?” It was from her.
I just walked up from behind her bench, sat next to her and said: “Relax kid, I’m right here, I was just taking care of my email tasks so I wouldn’t have to worry about them later.”
I told her of where I was going next, which was in Brighton, closer to where I live.
“There in a pizza joint & a few cool clubs.” You always have to frame these ideas as things that are already going on, and she can come along. That keeps the pressure off us both.
Now I don’t get too firm in plans. If I want to hang out with her, if she definitely doesn’t want to go along on the event I chose, I just modify my lead, pick a new place for now.
She said no at first, I told her that we could go there later, and started walking to my train. She followed but it was the train that was going where we said anyway.
This next part is weird, I hardly understand it, but it is how it happened: We went to the Arlington st. Greenline station, and would be taking a ‘B’ line to get where I intended. We talked and chatted and joked and laughed as all the other letter trains came by.
I greeted a few girls there and while walking through the station, nothing direct just easy going ‘hello’s. I was bouncing my attention back and forth from my girl and away to someone/something else. Then a ‘B’ train came.
I stood up, and held my hand behind me for her to take it. She didn’t take it, first time all day of me offering it. She said something about not wanting to to go, but she was up standing and a few steps to the train. “Alright, It was fun meeting you…” as if I was leaving.
She stood there with with a look of the blues in her eye, so I pulled her back to the bench as I sat next to her, looking at her uncertainty and I started laughing. The ‘B’ train took off.
“I am going to the Hookah-bar, and then maybe grab a bite to eat in Brighton. It would be great if you came along, but I have better things to do than hang out in a train station. Why don’t you go home for now, it’s been a long day. You’d have a
great time at these places I am going too; I just have to take the next ‘B’ train that comes through. ”
She had no response so I just went on telling stories and chatting about other things. I explained what the next few steps of mine would be. She stayed engaged in the conversation, and I left some open loops to keep her in curiosity, keep her wanting more.
So I did. I got on the next ‘B’ and she came along. We went to Allston, touched base with a lot of my friends in these places. Then around 10 or so, we talked of going to the playground for a little while.
So far at
this point I have about 4 hours of flirting that led this whole thing to be where it is:
We were
at the bus stop, to go to the playground I intended. She was sitting on the bench, her elbows on her knees, her head on her hands facing down. I was standing up waiting for the bus and she looks up at me and says:
“I am Tired….. I want to go home, or I want you.”
I stopped, I thought about what she just said.
Of course I
was taken aback to what I just heard, but I showed nothing. I looked at her again and said as I would say to anything she would have said that I didn’t hear. “I’m sorry, what was that you said?”
“I am tired. I want to go Home, or I want you.” she repeated verbatim.
I thought for a minute. We had been kissing, I was building up her tension all day by stopping early and the ‘almost kisses’ that drive ‘em crazy. Where I have my face close, my lips close, but I smell her skin, the air rushing over as I inhale.
“Ok… let me check one thing.” I said. I sat down next to her and kissed her like I meant it, a real passionate kiss. I stood up and said “Okay.” and stuck my hand out for a cab.
…upon opening a girl and early in the interaction, she hasn’t rejected the guy who opened her. He can’t take it personally yet because [private] she has no idea what he is like, how fun he is, how exciting he is, and all those things.
She has a certain amount of blocking maneuvers built in. These will weed out the first level of guys; this will qualify the weaker ones out of her scope before she needs to do any serious qualification. It is sort of a time saving technique.
Almost all girls have an auto-responder built in. They are raised to be polite, so of course she will say “It was nice meeting you” as a way to give a hint to end the conversation. She hasn’t said (and most girls wouldn’t say): “I am done talking to you”… so I can take this hint as meaning that I haven’t sparked any/enough interest & attraction yet which is fine.
It is easy to change topics like the signal wasn’t noticed. By frequently changing topics and coming back to touch base on ones talked about is how old friends converse. By keeping this same eye for her signals open, I will see which topics engage her, interest her, excite her & spark attraction in her.
This, in a way, will speed up the amount of rapport felt between you both. When you keep changing topics & find a bunch of them that you agree on, you have rapport on a variety of topics, like old friends. Women don’t need to have their conversations run on a linear structure; they very much operate on a moment to moment basis anyway.
Also by staying in the conversation & changing topics shows a masculine strength. Woman will stay polite as long as possible; it’s part of their social nature. This gives a man the opportunity to find her hot buttons.
If one reads her silly ‘nice meeting…’ as a negative signal and cowers away, they’ve answered a qualification factor very quickly for her. She sees this as a man with not much to offer in depth & variety to his personality, one who had no other interests left quickly, saving her time.
If she walks away, that is an obvious explicit signal. Other than the obvious, there is no (absolute) response expected, it is time to pick & choose.
Yes I keep my eyes and ears open to read the signals women send in subtext and indirectly, but I only respond to the ones that I like. I have heard girls blatantly disagree with an opinion point I have made. I am fine with disagreement, but I will just accept her point and further the reasons I have come to my conclusion. After hearing what I had to say I have heard girls make a second statement, agreeing with my point, as if she had never disagreed just a moment ago. By continuously responding to the ones I like and not the other, I always see the frequency of positive ones picking up. The girl is getting a reward for the positive ones, with them being replied to, while the other ones are just ignored and start to happen less.
Being such social creatures, they seem to have a craving for approval (message sent/message received) to be going one way or the other in any interaction they are in. They will do what seems to keep this happening over other factors so they will keep sending the messages that are getting them a favorable response (which is any response over it being ignored).
….you can easily change her mood, not her mind. Stay non-reactive no matter if you are getting results that differ from what you wanted. Being non-reactive is very attractive. Make sure you are having fun.
If you aren’t having fun, she wont have fun. Girls like to follow the lead and a fun lead is better than anything else.
Ok, I am not trying to over blow my own horn…This is just some of the stuff that goes through my head, getting me into a very fun[private] state. I started out by pushing those ideas in there, then they came habitually, but then the differences can be seen sometimes.
Look at these & trade my name for yours, see what happens to your state
As when C.J. steps into any venue, he is welcomed with the word “unstoppable.” in his thoughts. This rings through his mind as soon as he sees that he is in an environment to be interacting with women.
This word keeps flashing through his thought board: (unstoppable.) This excites him with that: ‘full of life’ juice. He now knows there is no obstacle that can get between him and the goal that he loves the most: fun with women.
He remembers that when he walks into a party, he always projects and ultra fun aura. “Now that he is on the scene, the good times can really start.(Uh oh, did he bring water balloons again?)“
“Where ever I am is the place to be. If nothing else: being in my favorite place seems to be contagious to who I am with.”
“You never know what adventure will be chased when hanging out with a CJ,” some one once told him.
“The world is mine to enjoy.” Since considering that any situation that he is part of the vibe, that is his whole world for the moment I am in it..
This love interaction is merely an ongoing session of batting practice. We are constantly interacting with women on a daily, and ‘throughout the day’ perspective in a positive and self affirming way, it is all preparation.
This is warming up.. so when the great girl comes along he is ready to hit that home run. Flirting with the girl who waits on him at the diner, receptionist, bank tellers… with every female he interacts with. Even the old lady at the grocery store*, he’s being so charming, polite, and establishing a momentary connection. Even and especially if he is not romantically interested in her — and in many cases he will not be — he does take the time to introduce himself and say something to make her smile. Maybe he makes her laugh. Her day will continue slightly better than if she never met him (*have found that playful interactions with children and old people, not only is a whole lot of fun, but seems to catch the attention of nearby HBs)
He also is distinguishing himself from ever every other guy she comes across.
If the waitress serves 100 customers in out day, it is him that she seems to remember next time he comes in. He asked her name, took time to chat with her about her day, and referred her name several times through the conversation. Enjoying the ways to be leaving a positive impression on every female he encounters. It’s amazing what a positive impression you can make simply by introducing yourself, expressing sincere interest in how her day has been going and paying her observation compliments.
When you put forth this positive energy, this is exactly what comes back to you on return. When you are charming and polite to waitress, she is going to give you the best possible service she can think of. Take those fun moments to establish a little connection with the pretty bartender and she will be the one to keep an eye out for you when you need a refill.
He starts out with the understanding. Imagining if every single one of them has a pleasant opinion of him & has heard all the fun stories. As he interacts and this fun comes through, unspokenly, She will be more likely remembering his name next time he visits and will be obviously willing to go the extra mile to help him out, he sees.
When you are constantly eliciting positive reactions from women it does great things to boost your inter-state, your ego and your confidence. And it always seems easy when you are socially lubricated, say, when you’re warmed up. You feel good about your game and always in a constant state of readiness at a moments notice. Keeping this habit regular allows you to be operating at your peak level when the unbelievable bombshell crosses your path.
You have been having friendly interactions with many women throughout the day so, instead of being anxious about talking to the gorgeous bunny just walking in the room, everything just comes naturally. You’ve been in the habit and momentum of regular practice your attitude becomes more relaxed, confident and she’ll pick up on the attitude which will also distinguish you from all the aggressive and over obnoxious men she encounters.
Also by consistently doing this, you are acquiring new knowledge about women in general. Striking up many conversations throughout the day and keeping your detail attention on… you will learn so much about what interests them and as things that bother them. You see patterns and start to form an ‘in general’ field in you mind about women, which is nice. Rapport seems easier to establish as this grows in you.
I’m not so much talking about gaming the hired guns but think of this: When you go out to shop for clothes and the sales girl asks if you need any help, most guys have no intention of meeting people. Some may figure she has other things to attend to …so he just says ‘no thanks’ and moves along (I see this in my people watching.) But this is part of what makes her happy for her day: having interesting and fun people to be of help to.
Moving into the situation is fun with acknowledging her, giving her your friendly smile and just tell her: “right now just browsing the stacks.”
Maybe you compliment her on a positive aspect of her appearance, namely something she is wearing or has done to it to catches attention. That’s the attention she put it there for. “That’s a really nice necklace you’re wearing. You mind if I ask where got it?” It could be anything that shows an interest is taken into how she looks. A pair of earrings, a matching outfit, or unique quality about her shoes. It doesn’t really matter… just to isolate one aspect of her appearance (that she worked on) and flatter about it. As a girl she will be more than happy to tell you where she discovered her ‘key find’ and this is a nice piece to file away for possible future reference.
Ok, Let’s say she bought it during a vacation in Puerto Rico. Now you have a little key point to reference during a future conversation with a woman. “That’s a nice necklace you’re wearing. I was talking to this girl he other day, and she had this cool necklace that she bought Puerto Rico.” Shows you are easygoing with women, and women travelers, which somewhat indicates qualities you have yourself or ones you like in others.
You could have just as easily complement to the sales girl on her hairstyle and said something like: “I really like your hair. A female friend who just moved to town is looking for a good hair salon.” If nothing else it is going to get the sales girl talking, which I think is very valuable skill to have. Learn how to get them talking and keep them furthering their points, show your sincere interest… as you are paying attention to detail she mentions and filing away possible fun-facts for later.
Without any “hired – gun’’ agenda, you will see how this takes a boatload of stress and/or pressure out of the interaction. You are just out shopping and making pleasant conversation with a girl who works there. So what if she is cute. Maybe you will want to take the conversation further and ask about cool shirts or jeans for men. This is part of her job and she will have fun showing you the latest fashions. Another great way to get tips in this area of your life.
It is so easy to be casual, this encounters completely innocent without some of stresses/expectations that want to attach itself to obvious pickup. You are not trying to pick her up, just reminding yourself you’re only lubricating your social gears. If you happen to feel like you really have a chemistry and want to see her again you can always ask for her phone number too.
By keeping this practice active, it all builds upon itself. Once a part of your daily routine, you become so comfortable around women and talking to a woman even for the first time in a day, it becomes something like second nature.
You will end up making great friends this way, and these are the ones who if you pay attention carefully enough, will indicate all the inside tips about girls you been looking for.
When I hear of guys having their ‘score count’ to be a priority, always looking for an SNL or a quick hook up, I know the strikeout ratio is higher on that level. This sort of approach with such a bad ratio of attempts to successes …does seem like it’s going to have a large effect on your self-confidence and inner game. Since the success rate ratio would be the factor having a bad effect, this will cause you to become more desperate for success, maybe becoming seemingly more needy.
On the other hand, by keeping regular chitchat with girls to be part of your habits, when the killer pitch comes your way, you will be ready to hit it out of the park.
An easy way to start the momentum in a subtle way of her chasing you, and [private] chasing your approval of her. this is another key to keeping the sexual tension built. Once you have found some interesting points the two of you have rapport on say something like:
“You seem interesting to me, I might want to get to know you better & see how things go.”
She hasn’t won a place in your life yet. She is still on a moment to moment basis, depending on how well she does. You don’t just let any girl in your life, you have certain qualifications and she has to has to earn her place with you. [/private]
A man that walks tall and handles every situation with ease shows her a major protection when it comes to the rest of the world.
Girls are never quite sure how to properly qualify a man. They have been trying to get their process down since they started dating but after a few mistakes or men that didn’t turn out how they expected continues to refine their qualification process. If a woman sees a man who’s company is valued by other women, she assumes that he has already been pre-qualified on the qualities the women agree on.
When a woman meets a man that she cannot easily have completely simply based on her good looks as the bait, she works for what she can almost have & then appreciates and values her catch much more.
[private]Like anything else we stay fresh at things we keep regular. A musician friend told me today he has to play once or twice a week to stay good at all at it. People skills are the same way. Keeping random conversations to be regular keeps our edge up. We monitor how people react to things; then we know for next time. Everything is practice. We always get a next time; talking to people at the grocery store; stopping by those free events at libraries; going to AA meetings as a visitor and mingling with the crowds. Find a Toastmasters meeting, Hit every open gallery that you can find. There are so many ways to keep meeting new people and stay in practice. Just stay open to learn. Don’t try to be right, life is so full of change on all levels, staying flexible is an asset. [/private]
There are conversational hooks. These are things to sprinkle into conversations that get girls asking you questions. They make for the stories to be more interesting for you to tell with getting asked for more along the way…
…and they are more interesting to hear since they are working with active participation from your conversational partner.
“Then I said, “I got my own theory about enlightenment…but…ah…never mind, I don’t want to bore you with my awesome theory.” She steps closer and says, “Wait, I want to know!” I reply, “I don’t know…it seems like you’re just saying that just to be nice.” She said that she was being really sincere.”
Good conversational hook. Those ways you can phrase things in conversations and stories that get her asking questions, her eager to her more & asking for it. Another great part in keeping the chasing momentum to be in your favor.
“..dont want to bore you with my awesome story.” Has both the indication that it is a really great story and that you might not be telling it unless she asks for more.
I say: “Actually I was just [private] being social. But honey, accusing a stud like myself of hitting on you is not a good way to get me to like you more. Try being yourself,I like that. But don’t expect to get in my pants, I am more than piece of meat for you to enjoy ” [/private]
It works best to generate attraction till you see an even keel of mutual attraction is going on. Stay away from the ‘What do you do?’, ‘Where are you from?’ even the ‘What is your name?’ type of interview questions until a healthy dose of attraction is built up.
Don’t start until you see her showing ways that she is interested in you first. Keep everything a playful vibe; these are all practice people until you see something more. Once you see her signals that she is interested, and then it is okay to be showing her that your interest is of the same level. Regardless of what you feel inside, you should be showing her and equal amount of interest to reward her signals, but nothing more yet.
If she feels like she has won your heart before you guys had a chance to get to know each other, she will think: ‘Game Over’ and move on to the next guy.
As soon as I see her touching me, laughing at my jokes (even the stupid ones) and she is staying around for like 20 minutes or so, then I know there is a sweet spot going on. It’s not till then I start asking her some screening questions: “So what do you do for fun?”
Every time she tells me things about herself that I like, that I am attracted to, I compliment her on those points. This shows her which topics and behaviors get the most reward. She will be increasing these which will ensure a better time for us both.
At this point of learning more about her, I will say: “When I first met you, I wasn’t so sure about you…but now that I get to know you you are pretty interesting. This is usually the point when I begin to increase my playful touching to further reward the amount I like her.
This may start with tapping and poking to high-fives, pushing, butt-bumping and thumb wrestling. After the playful stuff, I may move on to hugging, holding hands like I am mocking a couple, cheek kissing, and picking her up jokingly.[/private]
-she will be open and warm welcoming to your approach -she will think you are hot and want to give you her number[private]
-she will be caught of guard and not know what to do. As the interaction begins, she will take your lead to the tempo. If you decide that you like her, you can direct the way things will go
Hands in pockets looks as if you don’t want to talk or you are hiding something.
When talking to people, keep your hands out visible and show your palms a lot. This shows you have noting to hide and are a safe person to be talking to. Seeing your palms open will put those you are with [private] at ease and will have them more comfortable sharing with you.
“When men lie, their body language can be obvious. women are in tune with this fact, of body language being obvious, so they like to look busy when they are fabricating stories.”
With your hands open and your palms visible, this appears more credible and more open.
In addition to the way people appear, as the frequency of open palm gestures becomes habit the keep much more of their communication to be honest. It is one hand washing the other. Not only will you look more honest, you will become more honest by speaking with your hands open and palms facing who you are talking to more often. Other people seeing these open palms will also put more pressure on them to be truthful witch is a more comfortable space for you both to share.
People also want to share more seeing the palm. Think of a time when after you have made your point, you tilt your palm up to the other person indicating that it is their turn to talk. These subtle signals are responded to so subconsciously, most people don’t realize why they are sharing so much.
[/private]
[private]“You’re sorry that you’re married? You’ve got to slow down girl, I am out here making friends…” (A lot of these types of things need to be said as playful teasing, joking banter. A mischievous smirk during the comment usually takes care of this.) Then to keep the flow going, without batting a lash, let it continue “
(or there is always: “Reeeaallly?!? I though marriage was about happiness, what are you so sorry for?”)[/private]
You are still that incredibly fun, interesting guy that she met. You have so many women that she has no idea if you are going to ask her out at all. You are totally un-needy. She wants you to tell her when and where to meet you. You don’t ask; you direct, since you are a leader.
Mainly, you want to reinforce in her mind…[private]
… that you are still that super fun guy she met, continue building lots of comfort (while keeping
the attraction fires burning), and last, but not least, get her to meet up with you.
The secret to good phone game is to be completely and totally un-needy. In any attractive woman’s life, there have been a million guys who she has her number to and lived to regret it; primarily because they made it a point to constantly ask her out at the slightest opportunity, whenever they had her on the phone. You are not going to be that guy. You are going to be that ultra-cool guy she wants to go out with but doesn’t give her any certainty that you will ever ask her out at all.
When you mention fun things you have in your upcoming plans, as soon as you hear her interest in them, it is so easy to suggest “Totally. I think we have room. You should definitely come along.”
“Our house almost got broken into when I was eight…but my if dad installed some swinging paint cans and some micro machines by the stairs that shit woulda never happened.”
You can either completely makeover your personality in order to impress her, or you can turn the tables and make her [private]do the work. When you put yourself in control of the situation, you are the one who has the power to reject her, because she believes you can have any girl you desire. If you use this method to psych yourself up, you can calm your nerves and loosen up a bit, which will make women actually fight to get your attention.[/private]
I can also see that my enthusiasm for the places I have been does more than [private]…even out the playing field.
“Oh my god! Costa Rica was like a picture perfect paradise you see in picture books. There were monkeys pulling candy wrappers out of the trash and a two foot tall brightly colored parrot in the tree nearby the picnic table we were sitting at..
The people were So friendly. As soon as they hear you trying a few Spanish phrases they make every effort with any English they know. I remember on more than one occasion, when I was asking directions, the people would walk with me most of the way to be able to point out the last stretch of the directions..
There were volcanoes spitting lava over the bay, waterfalls in every neighborhood we visited, and palm trees to coconuts wherever the could see.
The sunset over the bay stuck so hard in my mind, I had to paint what I remembered of it a few years later. It was an ever changing rainbow of opaly colors, shimmering on the water for the whole time we were eating dinner across the street from the beach…”
No matter what they are, facts can be boring. Enthusiasm and colorful pictures painted with your words can be very alluring and the enthusiasm is contagious. When I tell those stories I hear “I wish I was there” all the time.
“Don’t get me wrong, [private] I’m not trying to pick you up I’m just here to meet new people and make new friends. However, when we do hang out, and if we were to really connect, who knows? It could be fate.”[/private]
If you want a first date with a woman, and you pass up random moments to express affection or a skip to receive affection she will see right through you. Keep your detail monitor on her, please. Never let yourself automatically withdraw from her ‘accidental’ touch so to speak. It is time to promote it, to welcome it, to flourish it.
As with all things resembling rejection, upon opening a girl and early in the interaction, she hasn’t rejected the guy who opened her. He can’t take it personally yet because she has no idea what he is like, how fun he is, how exciting he is, and all those things. She has a certain amount of blocking maneuvers built in. These will weed out the first level of guys; this will qualify the weaker ones out of her scope before she needs to do any serious qualification. It is sort of a time saving technique.
Almost all girls have an auto-responder built in. They are raised to be polite, so of course she will say “It was nice meeting you” as a way to give a hint to end the conversation. She hasn’t said (and most girls wouldn’t say): “I am done talking to you”… so I can take this hint as I haven’t sparked any interest/attraction yet which is fine. It is easy to change topics like the signal wasn’t noticed. By frequently changing topics and coming back to touch base on ones talked about is how old friends converse. By keeping this same eye for her signals open, I will see which topics engage her, interest her, excite her & spark attraction in her.
This, in a way, will speed up the amount of rapport felt between you both. When you keep changing topics & find a bunch of them that you agree on, you have rapport on a variety of topics, like old friends. Women don’t need to have their conversations run on a linear structure; they very much operate on a moment to moment basis.
Also by staying in the conversation & changing topics shows a masculine strength. Woman will stay polite as long as possible; it’s part of their social nature. This gives a man the opportunity to find her hot buttons. If one reads her silly ‘nice meeting…’ as a signal and cowers away, they’ve answered a qualification factor very quickly for her. She sees this as a man with not much to offer in depth & variety to his personality, one who had no other interests left quickly, saving her time.
If she walks away, that is an obvious explicit signal. Yes I keep my eyes and ears open to read the signals women send in subtext and indirectly, but I only respond to the ones that I like. I have heard girls blatantly disagree with an opinion point I have made. I am fine with disagreement, but I will just accept her point and further the reasons I have come to my conclusion. After hearing what I had to say I have heard girls make a second statement, agreeing with my point, as if she had never disagreed a moment ago. By continuously responding to the ones I like and not the other, I always see the frequency of positive ones picking up. The girl is getting a reward for the positive ones, with them being replied to, while the other ones are just ignored.
Being such social creatures, they seem to have a craving for approval (or explicit lack of) to be going one way or the other in any interaction they are in.
This is another excellent way to share information in a way that is fun and creates a playful back and forth vibe between the two of you. “I’m fascinated by…” or “I like…”
Remember, start small. Don’t go for the immediate [private] deep topics. Get her talking with you first and get into deep topics later.
Ex. “You know what I really like about NYC? The best pizza in the world. You know what I mean? (if she does, then:) What do you like
about NYC?”
Then once you’re warmed up… “I like girls who have a kinky side…” It is all about the “VIBE” that goes back and forth between you and the woman.
Instead of tirelessly trying to create a deep sense of rapport… simply focus on the back and forth vibe that is occurring between the two of you. Your interaction should be the center of attention….NOT the TOPIC being discussed. I repeat: Your interaction with the woman should be the center of attention… not the topic being discussed.
Ok, from last Wednesday…I decided to log out this clip. I went into the Logan cafe…as I love it there…I figured a quick sandwich and a soda….Some beautiful bunny was leaning on the brochure counter looking as if she is waiting for someone…She was pretty model stat…Good-‘propa-lady’ like dressed on top of a Bally’s body…She held herself well, and when our eye contact was made…She humbly dropped [private] her gaze to the ground…for a couple a seconds…When she looks back up to see if I am still looking…which I was…I scoped her setup head to toes…On her look up she dropped her gaze again then a good 30 seconds before she looked to the side and the brochures…I figured I would say hi….
C.J.: “Hi, I do have a question for you.”
Beautiful Bunny at the Logan cafe: “Sure, what’s that?”
(I pause… pause. I paused for fun…)
C.J.: “Are you single?” (In my emotionless stone cold straight face)
Beautiful Bunnie: “Well, um…”
C.J.: “I’ll take that as a yes…” (I nodded in the grin that I felt creeping on…)
Beautiful Bunnie: (Laughter)
C.J.: “Well, I just happen to know someone that I
think might like you… if you’re more than
just a pretty face, that is… He’s fun and has
great taste, and I think you’d like him… I’d
love to sit down and get your life story, but I’m
on my way somewhere… do you have email?” I asked…
Beautiful Bunnie: “Yes.”
C.J.: Great… (I take out my favorite astronaut pen)… write it down for
me, and I’ll send you an email when I’m in ‘online time’.
I then folded her slip of paper slid it into the breast pocket of my jacket and wished her a good day…[/private]
Since girls have hit puberty, guys have been chasing them in one way or another. Guys grow up thinking they have to buy a woman gifts, take her out to dinner, and earn her approval. Girls on the other hand have had it easy their whole life, so once they meet an interesting guy who is actually a challenge for them to have his attentions, their desire and attraction quickly escalates.
With something as simple as sexual tension, [private] you are taking the role of the pursued party in the interaction. To get this started, you show her sparks of interest and attraction, but never completely. You still do not know if she is cool enough to add to your social circle even, not to mention getting intimate with her. While she never really knows if you are really into her or not, since she is getting mixed messages from you & this keeps her in chasing mode to find out for sure. When she feels a slight interest from you, she wants it to be certain. I see guys who express a ‘clear interest’ in a girl once they first meet her. This will lose her attention quickly and she will walk around to find a more challenging guy.
Consistently giving her these mixed signals causes tension to build to the point where she can only see a release of it would be to get intimate/physical with you. Then she will have the definite answer she has been looking for. Then she will have her uncertainty answered. The conflicting feelings in her that have built this tension are the indication to her that you might be interested, you might be attracted to her but she’s not so sure.
When you first meet a woman you can have great results in trading and building this tension while you playfully watch her chase you in a variety of ways. You see, body language is a powerful force in all of this. You can give her some undivided attention with your eye contact and keeping your gestures to be welcoming to her…and then SUDDENLY you let your attention be grabbed by something else. In the middle of a high point you have generated in her (You got her laughing, or talking about passionate subjects, or she is touching you more frequently), you can cut her off mid sentence and go check on your friends or open another girl who is nearby.
While the girl is talking you can triangulate your gaze (look from eye to eye to mouth to eye to eye…) on her which will indicate a kissing-though in your mind but then quickly find something else to do. Girls pick up on these things so once you have the seed planted, you can bounce your attention to a different subject. Once she has noticed it will be in her thoughts underlying everything else for a while. This in itself indicated your interest for her, but it is not guaranteed.
For most of the time you can give her your shining friendly personality. Reward some of her jokes with your laughs, reward some of her flirts with flirts back but then take them away. You can tease her like a little sister but just enough playful so she want more of this fun razzing you are giving her.
It can be very in-your-favor to be doing things that are opposite of common courtesy.
Much of what I teach is that of ‘capturing the frame’ or showing that you do understand where girls are coming from. To have indications of knowing these will set you apart from most guys right away. You can make it like you are going through the same things she goes through with an average guy, but you are going through those same things with her.
Let me give you an example. “Now just because you bought me a drink doesn’t mean I am sleeping with you tonight.” You see that is a thought that goes through many girls minds every time a guy buys them a drink. Girls are very social creatures and very polite by nature. With human nature often thinking of reciprocity, she thinks that.
Sometimes on a first date with a girl I may say: “Ok but I insist on paying my half, if picked up the whole tab I’d think I’d owe you (as I give her the playful sexual smirk) something else later…” This also takes the wonder of who pays for the first date dynamic. I don’t go through great lengths paying for dates until I know that I want her to be a regular part of my life. Before that, we are just meeting up, feeling each other out and I am seeing if she qualifies to spend any more time with me after this.
Half of capturing this type of frame shows that you do know how girls think but also by playing the part of the one going through these things as if she is chasing you.
Post: #1
“No Kelly, I will NOT have sex with you…”
In high school, I felt that I was, in a way, an outcast, not your standard popular kid in high school. The way I was, was very unique. I actually was voted ‘most unique’ in both junior high and high school. Sure everyone knew of me, but I was always outside the box of normalcy.
Although I never was part of a clique, I would be friends with so many girls, ever since I was young. When I was in High School, I bet people thought I was gay since like the gay dudes, I had a ton of chick friends. Often this would have chicks talking of subjects that they may not discuss in front of other guys or guys they wanted. I never made such a big deal as I listened to their flirts and relationships, I just took notes in my head.
Here is what started how I learned most of the stuff I learned that kicked me into studying, writing & teaching social dynamics now for quite some time.
A huge revelation happened with one of my chick friends. This was, lets say: Kelly. She was a top notch popular girl. She might have liked my punky ways, but we were just friends, she was just one of my chick-friends.
The way people pass notes to kill time in a boring class, I was passing notes with this Kelly. We would usually just write senseless things and try to make each other laugh just to make the the class time go by.
One of the notes I wrote her, all I wrote was: “Kelly, No, no, no, no, no, no, no,….” about ten times. That’s it. That’s all I wrote & I passed it to her.
When I got it back & unfolded it. What she had written back was: “C.J., yes, yes, yes., yes, yes, yes,” about TWENTY times.
Just joking, or so I thought at the time, to make her laugh I wrote “No Kelly, I will NOT have sex with you.”
She took the note, unfolded it and started cracking up laughing, just what I wanted. Then just to play along she looked at me with a turned out, pouty bottom lip.
Kelly was a top notch hott, popular chick with tons of friends and all the guys wanting her. Any and every guy in school would trade a limb just to get 5 minutes in bed with Kelly and she knew it. No guy that knew who she was would think it would be a sane decision to tell her that he would NOT have sex with her, even if he was joking (just in case…ya never know).
At the time, I would have said I’d do anything to screw Kelly, except it was an idea so far out of my realm of believable possibilities, I never even thought of it.
Quote:
At the time I was always trying to screw a chick I hung out with all the time that kind of kept me in the friend zone, but would have sex with me every once in while since I was persistent and always playful about it. I never took things seriously. I never let her rejection get to me, I just laughed it off and tried another time. Staying playful/joking in my pursuits kept is always in an easygoing playful manner.
Like my other chick friends, Kelly & I called each other every so often…what I didn’t really notice at the time is that Kelly started calling me to say hi a bit more often. She turned her flirting up a noticeable notch. Now instead of just chick-friend, or friend-zone type of stuff, she started getting jokingly sexual and a bit demure on me.
At that time, I was still mostly clueless. I didn’t realize what was going on until a time after when I thought through the time-line of everything and put the pieces together.
We stayed friends, talking every once in a great while. I moved out of my parents house and rented a house a few towns away, about 30 minutes. And then came that time she called and wanted to come over for a random nothing reason.
I was clueless, told her to come over, then resumed the stupid silly talk we always do. I still didn’t think a thing…until she was laying back on my couch with squinty bedroom eyes, saying in that coy-playful voice: “C.J., come over here…” Still I was sort of clueless…until I got over to her.
She put both her arms around my neck and pulled me to her. I saw what was happening and just went with it. We fucked that day, in the middle of the afternoon, 2:30 or something. Then at some point after wards while we were lying in afterglow or something, she says to me: “Hey C.J. (with a little giggle) I thought you would not have sex with me.”
Of course, I didn’t say anything to that in the moment but I remembered that note I wrote to her trying to make her laugh. To be honest, I kept it as a trophy for a while after We first wrote it. Although it was joking, I would show my friends: “Look at this note me and Kelly wrote, she wants to bang me so bad…” I just wished that was true when I said it, not knowing a thing.
Wow. I was blown away. At first I thought I was way over-analyzing the situation. I didn’t know exactly but back then I was convinced that she came over to be seductive on me was that I wrote her a letter a time back. I thought the only reason she came over to get me to fuck her was because I told her in a note that I wouldn’t have sex with her. I couldn’t believe she remembered that note. I did.
This sent me into a serious trial and journal phase. I would figure out how to elaborate this concept so I could use it at my beck & call. I would modify it for whatever situation I was in, but the core of it was that I would be indicating to girls that I would not have sex with them.
I would indicate that I didn’t want to date them. I would let them know that they could not have my number.
The core of this whole concept was that I made it clear that I did not want a particular girl, in a joking way and she would start pursuing my attentions. I would do different things to try this out and I would journal my results.
Quote:
By the way, this is one of the biggest suggestions I could make to an aspiring PUA. Start yourself a journal and write down every interaction you possibly can. Have your accounts saturated with details. Every cause and effect should be noted. Write out the different things you say, the different things you do and how she responds. Write out her mood, her receptivity to you, what pissed her off, what made her laugh. I couldn’t think of anything that has helped calibrate me to where I am today.
So as I was doing these things based on the first concept, ideas & concepts about it began to flourish and evolve. I started meeting girls and they were going through great lengths to be chasing me.
I met one girl in a supermarket in Rhode Island. She lived in providence but stared coming to Massachusetts every weekend that I would let her. I met a girl from Florida at a concert in Saugertise NY. We traded numbers, kept in contact until she came up to Massachusetts for a week to hang out with me. This is the same girl who asked me why I wouldn’t kiss her. She kept working to have her way until she got it.
Now it wasn’t about absolute blocking the girl. As I first said, it was all in joking. Then to keep the momentum, it became a game, like dangling the yarn in front of the cat. You dangle it, but pull it out of the cat’s reach before it grabs it. Maybe you let it get a small piece every once in a while.
With a girl, instead of the yarn it was feelings of validation and approval. I would give them small tastes of the good stuff, then take me out of their reach, just barely out of their reach. They always had to work at keeping me interested, which they did. They never felt like I was a sure thing with them.
*There actually are ways on this same core principle that keeps relationships fresh, never boring. It is much different in design, but same concept with different applications. If you kept up with the first part throughout a relationship, a girl would leave you to never have the feeling of security that a relationship provides. I will go into depth of the points that are modified for a relationship, but before that is meeting them and getting them into bed.
Switch that around. Imagine what it would be like if your hott dream girl was always trying to get you into bed. You’d be wicked happy with that on a regular basis, wouldn’t you?
Since guys hit puberty, we go around chasing girls, trying to convince them to be with us. We try to impress them so they’ll let us kiss them. We try to offer a good solid model of a man that looks like a good steady boyfriend, one that she will be with because he is stable. we go around thinking that buying them dinner and impressing them will win their heart.
Those are are very valid points and most of them are useful but since we have been chasing girls since we hit puberty, it is almost like a relief when they are chasing us. A man who is being chased by a girl, a man who feels wanted on a regular basis can focus his efforts and energies on bringing them both to fun places, adventures and experiences that they both will enjoy and never forget.
The same thing happens with a girl. Since she hits puberty, there are guys trying to win them over, all over the place. There are guys bending over backwards to get an indication of their approval. Guys have been going though great pains to be accepted, and hopefully liked by her.
She had to put very little, if any effort into always having a guy at her beck & call. Sure she keeps her looks in order, but she doesn’t have to invest in the interactions to feel like she has won the whole game.
Quote:
You know girls like sex. You also know that people want more of those things they cannot have. What they want most are those things they almost can have but not quite yet, just a hair out of reach.
A girl is actually happier when she is chasing a guy she likes since she never has had to do that her whole life.
Girls are humble creatures by nature. They won’t make a big deal getting things started with a guy, but once a guy gets things rolling and she is comfortable enough, she will chase with hopes higher than that of a dog at a cookout.
So both the guy and the girl are actually happier, from start to every step of the way along the process, when she is chasing him. Once I realized this from much trial and recording results that I went through, it dropped any feeling that this might not be the right dynamic to pursue.
As I have seen in PUA materials, I don’t like the thought of underhanded manipulation in any way. There actually was quite a famous pickup guru that along with his misogynist indications, he always seemed like he was skilled in tricking girls to sleep with them so he could drop them at the curb. I didn’t like that.
I grew up with a single mother and have enormous respect for women. Many women and girls have been a huge part of my life, my whole life. But this whole dynamic of girls in pursuit of a guy was actually what women enjoyed most, so I pursued learning more.
That was over 10 years ago, the learning never stopped and keeps growing as I share with people to this day.
Sept Day GSF
You can treat it as a joke or that you know she must be joking to be worrying about such trivial matters. To achieve the joke, the idea is to build suspense, then mix the serious with the ridiculous.
For example, on a first date she asks: “How long has been since you been on a date?”[private]
Hearing this, I pause & look very serious. “Well, does my mom count? …because she escorted me to the Halloween ball in the third grade.” [/private]
one of your dating ideas — Click here
Creative Date Ideas
Make a movie together—find odd props around the house, then come up with a funny scenario to act out.
Have a backwards date and do everything backwards from what you normally do on a date.
Find a little stream or small river and make boats out of aluminum foil then race them! Bet little things for the winner, such as “if my boat wins you have to hold my hand” or “if my boat wins you have to show me your favorite childhood park” its fun, creative, and competative. Good ice breaker and fun!~Jenn
Put on funny accents and go around town asking for directions to places that don’t exist ~ Mark
Gather a lot of make up. Your date makes you look “pretty”. And you make your date look “pretty”. And take picture and send the pics to your best friend who decides who looks “prettier”. And Have fun!!! ~kay
Dress in all black – buy window paint and go around town drawing funny pictures on your friends cars.
Buy flowers and give them to random people on the street who look like they need a “pick-me-up”
Marshmallow fight
Get a raft and put ii in a pool. Everyone get on the raft and watch “Jaws” projected on the side of the house.
Go out with some clip boards and do a survey in a public place. Use funny questions about how many times people brush their teeth and what they had for dinner.
Make something creative with clay
Cartoon date: Meet at 9am and watch cartoons while eating your favorite kids cereal…must be in your pajamas.
Go panning for gold in a river. Wear a funny hat and act like you really need to find some.
Go to a restaurant—just order appetizers
Go chat with random people and see how long people will talk with you in public place.
Make kites—go to a local park to fly them.
For a Creative group date – Go on a scavenger hunt in your neighborhood to find all the ingredients you need to make cookies. When the cookies are made, take them to a mutual friend or maybe a grandparent.
Go “people watching” at the mall—it can be fun to just sit and talk.
Go on a “Video Scavenger Hunt”
Directions: Each team has a video camera and a list of scenarios to get footage of — Here are a few possible ideas: Interview a complete stranger about something random, find a random stranger and greet them like an old friend, pretend to know them from somewhere, stage a “break up”, yell at each other and draw lots of attention, try on clothing for the opposite sex. As you can tell, this can be a ton of fun, especially when you go back and watch your footage.
Go for a bike ride in your neighborhood—maybe find a tandem bicycle to borrow or rent.
Go to the park and feed the birds
Go to random spots in your hometown and take pictures – Be creative and this date can be a lot of fun.
Go to your local animal shelter and play with the animals—Who knows, you just might find a new friend
Have a “Bring your own topping” waffle party—assign each group member to bring his or her favorite waffle toppings
Make homemade ice cream together
Make Cupcakes together – Decorate them with icing, sprinkles, or anything! Cupcake Liners & Wrappers
Lay trash bags on the floor and eat spaghetti together with your hands.
Find inner tubes and float down a nearby river
Get a role of quarters and have a contest to see who can get the best and most creative item from the 25cent machines (maybe in a shopping mall)
Go to the thrift store with 5 dollars; have a contest to see who can get the best item Or–buy clothing for your date – wear the clothing on the date
Color pictures together—find a fun coloring book or print coloring book pages off of the Internet
Creative finger painting date—put on an apron cuz this can get messy. Find some big paper or maybe a cardboard box and make a masterpiece together.
Blind-Fold Miniature Golf—miniature golf is fun, but it can be even more fun when you add some variations; play a round with blindfolds, then try playing three legged miniature golf (tie your dates left leg to your right leg)
Visit garage sales—Travel around your neighborhood on a Saturday morning and visit the garage sales.
Build a fort together out of blankets and furniture, or make your own haunted house
Take a trip to your local hobby shop – pick out a project to work on for the afternoon—maybe build a boat, or a rocket, something that you can play with!
Make-Your-Own Pizza
Play the game “Bigger or Better”
Directions: Each couple starts with something small—go door to door in your neighborhood asking people to triad you for something bigger or better than the item. At the end of a specified amount of time, gather together as a group and vote on who got the biggest and best item.
Go ice blocking—slide down big hills on a large block of ice. Bring towels to lay on the ice (to sit on).
Make creative outfits for each other out of newspaper, then have a fashion show!
Set up a tent in your front room, sit in the tent and eat dinner on a blanket–build a
fake fire, or roast marshmallows over a candle.
Have a progressive meal
Directions: Select different restaurants around town and go to each one. Order drinks at one, appetizers at another, go somewhere new for the main course, and top it off with your favorite desert in town.
Go on a nature walk and pick up garbage on the way, give a prize for the strangest item found, and for the most garbage collected. Its fun, and your doing service in your community!
Go on a picnic, but choose somewhere extremely random–like on your roof
Read a book together—Choose your favorite childhood story and read aloud
Put on a play – choose a popular story from literature, or a movie
If you or your date are the Creative Musical type – Write a song together
Build a sand castle—this could be at the beach, or even in a sand box
Make your own drive in movie! Borrow or rent a projector and watch a movie in your backyard, or set your TV up in the garage and watch your favorite movies from inside your car.
Wii Olympics — get a group together and have a competition using Wii Sports
Glow sticks in a park – need we say more
Build something together with legos or lincoln Logs
Have a Fondue party – Get a good Fondue recipe (they are all over online) and have a Fondue dinner, or Fondue desserts.
Play dress up—be sure to take lots of pictures
Make life lists together—all the things you want to do before you die – Be creative and help your date come up with some fun things.
Have a Marshmallow eating contest — see who in the group can fit the most mallows in their mouth!
Reverse Trick-or-Treating
Directions: Dress up in your Halloween costume (any time of year) and walk around town with your date knocking on doors. Instead of asking for trick-or-treats, bring treats of your own to hand out.
Play live Clue—This one requires some creativity
Directions: Hand out clues to each individual in the group (location, weapon, killer etc..) ask each other questions to determine the killer. This can be a lot of fun but requires some creativity and preparation.
Have a “LAN Party”—a computer game night with everyone playing at the same place. This can be fun even if you don’t normally enjoy video games—just laugh together and have a good time.
Make a fancy resturant in your apartment/room and have your friends serve you with food you made.
Go to ChuckeCheese or Mcdonalds for dinner. Do activities that would be a kids dream to do. Arcades and Disney movies rock.
Frisbee in the dark with glow sticks and a light up frisbee ~JaNae
Pick a culture of the world and imitate with food, activities, and clothes to match.
Make your date decide.
Directions: make it mysterious for your date–take your ideas to them throughout the week, tell them to just answer the random questions you ask them. For example: red or white (color of flower you bring) fast or slow ( fast food or sit down restaurant) hot or cold (Ice Cream or hot cocoa) – Anything will work. You ask them during the week then during the date reveal to them what they decided. It’s quirky and cute but fun.
Go to an art museum with a date that appreciates art just as much as you do( more fun if that appreciation is minimal) and make fun of the art. Gives time for good one on one convo and you can show off your funny side. If you really do love art thats great too!
Here is a Creative Date Idea – Play paint twister. Make a twister mat using some old plastic (like a tablecloth)– except put paint where the colored dots would be. SO MUCH FUN ~Julie
Have a fancy dinner consisting of breakfast cereal. (Its funner if they see the fancy setting before they know what’s on the menu, then they get a funny surprise). ~ Dani
Build paper airplanes and shoot them down with shotguns. ~Dave
Have a paint war. Get large bath sponges and cut them into baseball size sponges then dip them in buckets of washable paint and go crazy. ~Andy
Kidnapping – this can be fun when done by boy Or girl. A group of guys or girls go out and kidnapp their dates, blind fold them, the whole shabang. Then surprise them by taking them to a cute picnic at the park. Fun if it’s with a group or can be a cute romantic single date. ~ Allyson
Survivor date- double date, select several activities such as a game, puzzles, eating contest etc… and have competition with the other couple to see who is better. You can also play it so that the loser buys desserts. Makes it more interesting. ~ Matt
Make a list of outrageous things on a Bingo card like mullets, scrunchies, spandex pants and hiking boots, etc and walk around Wal Mart trying to find people sporting the items on your bingo cards. Loser has to buy the winner Hot Pockets for dinner ~ Dena
Go to the park and have a picnic. But to mix it up a little have one of your friends come and dance for you (ribbon dancing is always good). It is quite the sight! ~Michelle
Eat lunch in the middle of a round-a-bout. Bring a blanket and a basket, have fun, and watch peoples faces as they circle you ~Aaron Ross
Play hide-and-seek with multiple couples in walmart! You and your date are a team against the other couples! ~ Michael
Buy little tubs and fill them with different colored paint. Have a paint war! ~Kaitlyn
Build a fort in your house using blankets and tables/furniture..etc. Then you can play games, watch a movie, do a coloring book, do a puzzle..anything you want inside the fort.
Find some good skipping rocks, buy some glow sticks, and go to a lake. Take a plastic bag and put the rocks in the bag — break the glow sticks open and pour them into the bag with the rocks — mix it around. by the way you do this at night. Then skip the rocks and see them glowing as they skip across the water. ~ Micah
Go with your date to a movie one night with a big group of friends. Although instead of staying and watcing the movie you and you’r date ditch the rest and go for a walk. Find somewhere calm and quite that would be a great place to be alone. You will of had preset a blanket and a picnic basket at this place all ready for you and your date’s arrivial. Inside the basket should be pizza that you asked to be cut in the shape of a heart and something to drink (simple stuff be creative). You and you’r date will have a great time under the stars cuddled up on a blanket and afterword you’r date will have a fantastic story to tell to their friends who were wondering where in the world you two went. ~ Howi
Go to a party store or a costume store and buy some crazy hats and fake mustaches. Anything to make you look goofy. Then take on a fake accent and a name and go out to a public place and eat. Tell random stories and make yourself look outrageous but not obnoxious. This is super fun because it makes the people around you laugh and cheer up but at the same time you and your date are having a blast being silly. ~ Devi
Go to a store, Ikea works great, and in all the room settings, make up a scenario and act them out. For example, in one room that has a tv, pretend you’re watching a scary movie
When a girl starts giving out a bitch attitude, it is easy to bring her back up to a playful vibe:
“Ah, getting feisty eh? You know what I would [private] do?!? I’d dress you up in a red PVC devil outfit. Complete with the horns like thins and a tail…and some bitch boots with a pitchfork…and your friend here. She’s nice. I’d dress her up in a similar but angel outfit with wings and a furry halo. I’d roll with you guys, one on each arm down the street. Every girl would be jealous of you and every time I was to make a decision…I’d let each one of you fight over which decision is the most fun. Whichever is the most fun, we’d do that.”
Give it a try, it has brought giggles out of the bitchiest girls. Post your results in the comment box below. Let your adventure Continue! [/private]
While I am talking to a new girl and things have found their way to something boring I may ask: “Now that we are talking, I have a question for you. Do you think [private]magic spells work? I never believe in that hocus pocus but just recently I had an amazing thing happen. Hey let me show you something. Give me your hand. Stand up for a second.”
As I lead her up, she stands up. Then I maneuvered my place to be behind her to sit where she was just sitting. “I just stole your seat.”
I am laughing at this point “Nah, I’m just kidding, stay close. I want to try an experiment, I have to go in a second and then you can have your chair back
People love a great story teller! A well told story can captivate someone to experience EVERYTHING as it is told as if they are actually having the experience themselves.
You will find those around you drawn in when you ensure all the basic elements are in place for a well told story.
[private] 1.Every story must have a purpose and should be fitting for the occasion.
2.A good story is fun to tell and fun to hear.
3.The story should have humor and be able to create laughter from the listeners.
4.Consider what you want your listeners to think and feel. Illustrate the events in a way that will induce those feelings.
5.Be animated in your movements.
6.Some exaggeration can be fun, but keep yourself credible.
“Compliment the beautiful on their intelligence, and the intelligent on their beauty.”
-Casanova[/private]
once you have the parts after the conversation is going to be getting you the best results. Then relying on body language for invites to open [private]and more is great.
From what you tell me and what I have seen in you, you have some things to work on before all of that. You need to have some of the in-between details covered so when that dream girl crosses you path, you have everything covered to capture and hold her interest.
By opening girl upon girl without any signal, that is going to keep reducing your anxiety until you are continuously finding yourself in the middle of conversations when you see it was so natural to get in them, you didn’t think twice.
This will also drop your conscious or unconscious desire for a specific outcome to happen in any interaction (they like you, you get a number, you get a date, whatever) which is detected in girls. They are very attracted to a man who they know can take or leave their company so easily since there is another girl waiting to be opened, waiting to enjoy your company.
Having those things so natural changes things in a man. Rather than settle for a girl that will spend time with him, he can have a clear picture of what he wants in a girl he spends the most time with and have exactly that. A man who has his relationships by choice because of who the people are, rather than chance because the work together or will settle, will see every other aspect in his life flourish in many ways.
If you look at the Pyramid of Maslow, the two steps before ‘Self-Actualization’ are in regards to the people in the life of a man. Once those basis are covered and covered well, the top step can have its refinement.
There are always parts throughout the processes that seem like hard work, but I can promise that the reward way-outweighs this work in a million ways.
To keep extinguishing that anxiety you told me of, I want you make a commitment to yourself. You told me you could open groups much better when you were directed or told to.
Throughout your days, you are all around the areas. I want you to start a conversation with 5 new people every day. It does not matter if the conversations last, this need no outcome at all, just the first steps. You can ask directions, ask the time, compliment somebody’s accessories, whatever.
If a conversation flourishes from this, then fantastic. If not, you have made your starting move and have succeed. You can track them in your phone’s memo pad, or write an email to yourself, or jot them down in a piece of paper. For each number, have at least one point about the person that will remind you of the conversation.
Depending on what you do though a day, if you don’t pass 5 new people in a day, go to the mall, the train station, or a place with a bunch of people and make sure your 5 is done.
To make sure you are accountable, then you can shoot me a quick email, with 1-5 listed and a point about each one. That is just to start creating a habit for yourself but we can also use those lists later to bring up points in conversations that you were involved in, to understand the pros and the cons of them.[/private]
Talk to her for a few minutes then walk away and do something else (this is key when [private] you see she is at a high point because of your interaction.
This keeps her wanting more. You can make her want what you have, what you are. Give her a little and then tease her a bit.
Do not make anything easy to get. Stay mysterious.
There is no need to answer questions about work so early. Be vague, especially if you have a really good answer. The most confident people never need to brag. Never give a woman a direct answer.
Play with her a little bit. Answer questions with questions. Get her to commit to something. If she complains or doesn’t like something, turn it up and give it back the way you would to our little sister.
Never give a woman exactly what she asks for. Always send mixed signals. Tell her “let’s be friends” at random times to show her she is in danger of getting stuck in your ‘friend-zone’ and nothing else.
Be unpredictable. Keep mixing it up and changing the patterns. Be distinctive, not boring. As far as showing your interest, take two steps forward then one step back. That would be two steps that indicate your interest to her, with a separate single one to indicate you’re not interested.
Keep up the tension. Like playing poker, always raise & call her bluff. You can lead and move forward very confidently. There is no need to apologize, act apologetic or insecure. Don not try to get any approval or look like you are trying to impress people, especially girls. Softies are for the dryer[/private]
It is okay, this is a good place to indicate your feelings on these things. it is better to have everything on the table than [private] to have her stand you up. This way, you are more likely to go out with her at another time. You can easily tell her something like:
“There’s one thing I hate it is flakey people. You sound like you weren’t sure about this. If you’re not gonna show up, that’s cool but wasting my time is not.”
****************************
To a really gorgeous girl with a super tight, hott body: “You know, you have a really interesting figure.”
[/private]
Cj Clark Piona
3 minutes ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona You can make whatever you dream of happen as turn within your life, full force…and if you appreciate every little success along the way…each piece and part that comes to you, it seems to come in a flourish of over ten-fold than ever expected possible…
2 minutes ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona that is how it has been for me anyways…realizing the beginnings of all of this started for me in fullest force, last spring, February/March 2010 or so…
2 minutes ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona then completely exploded in never-ending waterfall of all I had dreamed of in amounts that bring my to the uncertainty even in emotion, to laugh or cry or shout at the sky HUGE THANK YOU’s to all of the universal higher powers, what I know to be God of my universe, our universe…in fuller force than I ever thought possible. Thank you., and Thank you too Joni. Comments like yours remind me of all of the wondrous windfalls to be more saturated in them, immersed in the feelings
about a minute ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona of appreciation and MORE than my ever-ready nature to share everything and anything I have learned along these lines…to show someone else to have all of this is what makes me feel complete in my purpose…and the sperm who won the race to the egg, that third of a century ago. Thankful.
(click title to read whhole post] strong>To stay present in the moments you are in, you are enjoying yourself as much as possible. By doing this you are ready to be [private]…acting in the moment you are in, anything that comes your way will have a perfectly suited response come to your head with ease. In this way, without caring about any specific outcome of any situation you are in, your real personality can come out and flourish with what is going on around you.
You can always just say what is on your mind, this sincerity grow upon itself and is very attractive to those around you. While you stay detached from any specific outcome from any particular interaction you are in, this grows a confidence that draws people to be near you, to be in your energy.
No matter what happens you can take things as they come. You know that anything that comes your way is fine, all a part of life and you can gauge your responses accordingly. In this you are fully present to everything that is going on around you.
With all the people in around you, it is easy to assume and expect that everyone is your friend. I assume every person that I cross paths with, or I am near has the potential to be a really good friend. I keep this mindset unless/until they do anything to take themselves out of this category. They detect that I am fully enjoying their presence nearby, and their company and this is a contagious feeling that shines like an aura, just to be having it forefront in your mind.
As I look around a place that I am at, I quickly imagine giving them a big hug as if I haven’t seen an old friend in a while. This simple visualization changes my whole demeanor, the energy that I am sending out.
[/private]
I see she is engaged in the conversation and curious. I can use that time of curiosity to my advantage. Sure I will get back to the story at some point, but let’s make sure we have time together later for me to tell her this one and whatever else I may [private]have to offer later.
So I tell her: “Ya totally…..I’ll tell you later. What are you doing after this?”
Then I wait to see if she invites me. The most I might say is “That sounds like fun.”
… friendshipsand romanticrelationships. The study of interpersonal attraction is a major area of [private]research in social psychology. Interpersonal attraction is related to how much we like, love, dislike, or hate someone. It can be viewed as a force acting between two people that tends to draw them together and resist their separation. When measuring interpersonal attraction, one must refer to the qualities of the attracted as well as the qualities of the attractor to achieve predictive accuracy. It is suggested that attraction between people which leads to friendships and romanticrelationships. The study of interpersonal attraction is a major area of research in social psychology. Interpersonal attraction is related to how much we like, love, dislike, or hate someone. It can be viewed as a force acting between two people that tends to draw them together and resist their separation. When measuring interpersonal attraction, one must refer to the qualities of the attracted as well as the qualities of the attractor to achieve predictive accuracy. It is suggested that to determine attraction, personality and situation must be taken into account.
I do something with the first people I see for the day to begin my social momentum for the day. As I was getting closer to the bus stop, I saw two girls. One was facing my direction and the other was facing the first girl, away from me. As I got up to the stop, I simply smiled and said “Hello” to the girl facing me.
“Hello” said the one facing me as her friend turned around to see who she was saying hi to. When the second girl turned, [private] she said “Hi” as well, to which I smiled. As I said, I was just greeting the girls to begin the social momentum for the day. There was nothing striking about them, so I just greeted them and left it at that.
As I got on the bus I could see three seats in a row, each with a girl sitting on the inside seat, leaving the outside one open. A quick scan had me take the seat with the cutest of the three, whom I sat next to.
She was wearing headphones, so I waited a few moments then I turned to her, smiled and asked if she knew which stop it was that the Pru was on (yes I knew this, but I was using the situational questions to feel her out). She explained the stop was Copley so I thanked her, gazed at her face for a moment and smiled. She put her earphones back on and went back to her music. I waited a few more beats of time to go by and I turned to her again.
“What color train is that stop on?” I asked her. She told me ‘green’ then asked me if I was new in town. When a girl asks any question about me, it is a signal of curiosity to know more about me and keep the conversation going.
So I went into my elaborate story of how I am from this area, yet I travel so much. I tell her of my last trip to Puerto Rico lasting 7 months longer than I first thought I would stay, then I went on to tell her about the beauty of the place, the friendliness of the people, the tropical animals and my practice in real-life Spanish.
I talked about the food there, and our conversation transitioned to trading stories about different ethnic restaurants in town. She described a Colombian restaurant she liked (which I noted in my head) and I told her how I love to meet up with friends at different spots to split appetizers. This was about 10 minutes since I first spoke to her.
Our conversation was flowing smoothly, back and forth. I could detect her interest in me and I thought she was cool to talk to. I gauged how many stops were left before I’d have to get off and I said to her: “You seem like you have a really cool energy, it’s a shame we can only enjoy each other’s company for the length of this bus ride.” She expressed agreement in smiles and nodding and small comments. I paused to let it sink in; I even looked away for a moment in thought.
Then I turned back to her. “I wonder what steps we’d need to take to pick this conversation up another time” and I let it sink in while she thought of ways two people could connect later. Trade info, exchange numbers, etc.
Then as if I was hit with a discovery I said. “Ya, we should definitely trade info so we can talk again another time” as I pulled out my cell phone. It never seems awkward when I take baby steps to this type of suggestion, just like the expected normal thing to happen next. I have found that by signaling my way up to the number seemed to be easily accepted and replied well to. It wasn’t an all-of-a-sudden: ‘Let me get your number’ out of nowhere in the conversation. I showed where I was going as if it was the natural next step. I also take the asking for anything out of the picture. I don’t ask for numbers, I suggest we trade information. More even exchange, less pressure.
My favorite part when I do things this way is when I start to suggest, sometimes the girl will have the idea: “Oh ya, give me your number.” Or whatever. This seems to drop the flake factor and have her more invested into waiting for/getting my call too. Not all girls do this, they still are humble feminine creatures but it is cool when they do, usually the outgoing ones.
So I pull out my phone to her.
“What is it?” I asked with my cell phone in hand as I selected ‘new contact’ on my phone.
“Jenna.” She told me.
“No your number. I have to punch that in first, then I can put your name to it.” I said. We hadn’t even traded names yet.
She told me her number; I punched it in and put ‘Jenna’ in the name section. “Ok, I will send you a text right now with my name in it so you can save the number. I’m C.J.” and I sent her a text right then. I could see my call coming through, now knowing it is a real number she gave (we had clicked pretty well so I had no reason to think it wouldn’t be but it is a habit) and she saved the number with my name to it.
We kept chatting and she subtly mentioned her brother & his speaking English. “Where is your family from?” I asked. Even when girls make small subtle points, they are stepping stones for more information, further conversation, getting to know each other better.
“Nicaragua.” She said.
“No kidding, como estas?” I had to ask, practicing my Spanish once again. “You can be my Spanish practice buddy.” (I do usually hint at girls getting stuck in my friend-zone if they don’t play their cards right. Here is another frame that I found by owning it first, I never get stuck in.)
She then told me she was riding the green line too and would be coming with me since her stop was one after mine. We boarded the train, chatting for the ride, when I got to my stop, I took her arm for a small squeeze and told her I would talk to her later.
To keep whatever emotional high she was in from meeting me, I sent her a text about an hour later: “Hey Jenna, now I am all curious about the Colombian place you told me of. We’ll have to go split appetizers when we both have time free. C.J.”
…and 20 minutes later I get her text back: “Definitely! =)”
“It doesn’t have to make sense, it’s just something that happens, it’s like seeing someone for the first time,[private] you could be passing on the street and you look at each other for a few seconds and there is a recognition you both know something. Then they’re gone and it’s too late to do anything about it and you always remember it because it was there and you let it go, and you tell yourself what if I had stopped, what if I had said something, what if…it may only happen a few times in your life” [/private]doesn’t have to make sense
(10-01-2011 10:54 AM)mishazlair Wrote:
Is it generally a good or bad idea to take a girl to a strip club on a date? On one hand it’s a very sexual place which as a whole devalues a particular set of values in a woman. on the other hand… Maybe there are no other hands. What are your thoughts and experiences on this.
The thought rolled around in my head for a while and other prior situations popped up in my mind.
A girl, HBCarSales that I was monogamous w/ years ago, came to me months after dating & asked me to take her to Zachary’s (cheezy strip club on Cape).
From then on, in the times I had mentioned the “I once had a gf that asked me…’ story to other girls, I was surprised to find out the inner-adventurousness in them. (“sounds like fun”, “I want to go to one”, etc) This has frequently been with girls you’d never expect to have these curiosities or girls that never tried these things before.
Then more recently HBbanker of last summer danced on my stripper pole (knowing she was on video too ) after saying she never would do such an outrageous thing.
Then again, she was the same girl who first said she could never do ‘open relationship’ but was fine with it as long as she didn’t hear about other girls. I always made her feel as the only girl on earth in the moments we shared.
Another surprise came with HBLawyer of my FR/LR a few months ago that DSmoothMike was around for that led to this:
A SNH started with stripper pole dancing. You see, it first surprised me when, she was revealing her dream was to dance as a stripper from some leading convo things from me. Upon hearing that, I brought her to my place & let her use my stripper pole. ( like i just posted another quick vid of girl on facebook, link in my sig’ntre.)
Many girls I’ve talked to seem to want to go to something like that once in their life, to see what it’s like.
Others that have a very proper, innocent appearance to the rest of the world have a real dirty side that they keep shielded from rest of world (re:Russian stu/model of Octoberfest this past Sunday. )
Many guys limit themselves & the possibilities by either (wrongly too conservative) assumed expectations …. or their desire to really want a pure, innocent girl.
When girls detect expectation to be ‘good’ in guys they like, girls will display the ‘proper’ behavior & appearance they have been brought up to show most of the world.
Once a girl (even the prim & proper looking ones) knows that no judgement will fall back on her from a guy & her adventurousness is appreciated by him, she can feel truly free with him.
She can feel like she can be truly herself, no matter what & still be accepted and approved of.
She can feel free to drop her need to look proper and dignified by the rest of society’s standards imposed.
On a few different levels, once u show them what is acceptable to your world, a whole new realm of possibilities unfolds.
Once you can clearly (yet subtly at times) indicate that it is ok for her to have a wild side, and sexual freedom is approved and welcomed by you, girls often have wonderful surprises in this department to bring to the table even if they never explored them before…
That being said, strip-club is not a kind of ‘Surprise-date’ to bring a new girl on, but many underlying desires in her can be discovered first in conversation before enjoying these things together.
Only typing what I have time for right now mishazlair, I’d love to fully elaborate about these fun parts of my life & explain what conversations led to what in discussions. Feel free to contact me, my # is in my profile. We’ll do coffee or something
(p.s. I had to star this post, I’ve always had a soft spot for strippers in general & the inner adventurousness in most girls that they never share with the rest of the world until they feel they are allowed)
“I apologize to you if I don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced, awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don’t like the feeling.”
“You’re sitting there, you’re wondering, “Do I have food on my face? Am I eating? Am I talking too much? Are they talking enough? Am I interested? I’m not really interested. Should I play like I’m interested?”
“But I’m not that interested, but I think she might be interested. But do I want to be interested? But now she’s not interested.”
“So now, all of sudden I’m…I’m starting to get interested.”
“And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door? Cause then it’s awkward, it’s like “Well, good night.” Do you do like the ass-out hug? Where you like… you hug each other like this, and the ass sticks out because you’re trying not to get too close.”
“Or do you go right in and just kiss ‘em on the lips or don’t kiss ‘em at all?”
“It’s very difficult trying to read the situation and all the while you’re just really wondering, “Are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions?” And perhaps play a little game called “Just the Tip.”
“Just for a second, just to see how it feels,”
“…or “Ouch Ouch, You’re on My Hair.””
(Wedding Crashers)
Which is part of the reason I never recommend dinner/movie dates. Especially on a first date. How much are you going to learn[private] about this girl while you are both silent in a movie theatre? Ok, dinner? See above.
Just by doing something that you both will have a great time being a part of will increase your bond. Here are a few ideas that stepped above the dinner/movie box:
- Going to a comedy show.
-
- Going to a museum (art, natural history, science, music, cultural, Henry Ford, Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, etc.) or checking out an exhibit at a local art gallery.
- Seeing live music. High energy, heart pumping activities are always a good bet.
- Going on a haunted hay ride a scary attraction. Fear is a big aphrodisiac.
- Going to indoor rock climbing together
- Going to a convention in the area (sci-fi/fantasy, tattoo/piercing, comic book, anime, etc.)
- Going zorbing/sphering. (I think they’re still doing that at Mt. Brighton.)
- Skycoaster is a huge adrenaline rush you can go on tandem to experience together.
- Going on a zip line ride at an area park.
- Museums usually inspire conversations on all sorts of levels. I usually mock couplehood like we are a couple of old folk tourists.
- Going sledding or on a toboggan run. It’s great to feel like a couple of kids together. [/private]
….. it is time for you to make [private] specific plans that is fun and interesting.
“That is so awesome we both like Latin food, we’ll have to check out that new place in Harvard Square to split an appetizer and see what they are like….”
Or whatever. Just making tentative plans will increase her likelihood to pick up the call. rather than just picking up to chat & feel like she has to be making a good impression, she has a logical reason to want to talk to you, to finalize the plans you have started to create. [/private]
In essence I tell Mya that I don’t want to fuck a girl based on appearance, I want to fuck a girl based on what I find inside.
I can look at beautiful woman, but beauty is common. I have dated too many tens/models/strippers than I’d like to admit… but for me to want any sexy-time out of a situation, I need a girl who can entertain my insides.
Since beauty is too common, there are three things I look for. A good personality, a good energy, and a good outlook.”
I look her down then up to her eyes: “You got two out of three, its a good start.”
Then she wants to know which ones she has & which one she is missing. Things turn into a playful cat & mouse as I change the subject.
There is no reason to show off. The most successful people with the greatest achievements talk about them like they are very insignificant.
I have heard different guys’ response to a girl’s questions of “What do you do?” go into a very dramatic long, detailed answer where he thinks he is being subtle about how cool he is, or how prestigious his job is, or how smart he is to have gotten there or how wealthy he is because he did.
This looks very insecure and women are masters at seeing through this type of thing.
Usually with a qualifying type question like that, I am [private]flattered that she is interested enough at this point to want to know more but I still give her a teasing/joking (Obviously BS) answer and spin it back to her, have her qualifying herself to me. “Ya, I have finished school for it and now I am working by scraping the gum off the bottom of seats at movie theaters. Very demanding nowadays…What do you do?”
Or I may tell her “I jump out of cakes at birthday parties.” Or “I am a disposable lighter repairman. 4 years of schooling finally paid off. “
Usually the girl laughs or chuckles to my joke, then goes on to tell me seriously about her career paths. Now this has the momentum generated of her qualifying herself to me, working to win my approval.
When I do get to what I do for work, rather than tell her what it is, I explain to her all the reasons I love what I do. I’ll talk about how I got into it, and how it fulfills me very much. “When I was a kid my dad told me to think of something that I would do all day/every day for nothing. Once I could earn a living doing that, I am successful. At this point, I am as close to that as I can imagine, and the direction I am in, what I have planned gets even better.”
Even as she asks me for details I stay very vague at this point. I spend the time talking about the fulfillment it gives me to help people to their successes, or examples of why I love what I do.
People often get a bad impression of a place for a few reasons. Here are some deflector rays to [private]those reasons:
1. Keep plowing on to dissolve the bitch shield.
The girls here are top notch, or trying to look that way. Girls dress up to their nines to be at these places. Who else is shelling out 20 bucks for a cover charge? It is very LA in that sense. Yes their bitch shields are on extra high.
I always pull high quality girls of these places. Lawyers, Doctors and girls of financial district are these places but there is a different breakdown of interaction.
Even when you see their bitch shield, you just plow on, like you didn’t notice it. Just a dirty look, a bit of a back turn, or a snide comment is built into these girls to come out automatically. By seeing you unaffected, and plowing on, they are not feeling heard yet by you so they will listen to what they have to offer.
Now you have your chance to throw a couple of stacked routines. Yes you monitor how they react, but you don’t show it. You are a good time. If they don’t pick up on it after a few of your ramble…, well, parallel to the ‘Law of Attraction’ states:
You are a roving good time. You are attracted to good times. If she doesn’t warm up and follow your positive vibe, you will notice something/somebody nearby that is in that mode (or will come up to it with you.)
Keep your good mood on & will will attract other party people anyway.
2. Once you get their high point, roll out.
There are a ton of people in the club. You are there to meet everybody, make sure you touch base with all the cool people. They have a similar mode.
Hot Bunnys will meet a bunch of guys throughout the night. Although they don’t do much to re-engage contact. (they do, but its subtle, I’ll talk about that later.) They still want to feel they did some guy-shopping through who’s around tonight.
Or more accurately, they were available to talk to guys who were ‘shopping’ as they went by.
The best way to deal with this is to open them, then plow on to get em to a high point, then be the one to cut it short. There are some great ways to do this, but once you have them engaged, its all pudding.
Are they laughing? That is one of the best high points. Stay while the laughter is high, scan around looking for your friends, then as it starts to die down, kino one of them with a hand on the arm or something and solid eye contact. “Hey, some great people of mine just got here, let me go say ‘Hi’ and I’ll come back in a bit. You HAVE to meet them, they’ll LOVE you.”
(Acting if they are the source of this high point is good too. Maybe it was your jokes, but here is a good laughter. The most wanted commodity by any jokester.)
Now turn around and walk away. Get lost in the club for a few. Open a second set of girls within sight of the first one. The second set will see you walking out of a group of girls to talk to them. They will be very eager to be opened by you.
The first set will think those are the friends you were talking about, although they are just another set of girls you stopped at to say Hi to on your way to meet up with your friends. This tells both sets, you are very preselected, socially, connected in this club.
The thing is, on the first set, even if you don’t roll into another set, you walked away while they were in a high point. As soon as you leave, they will be like “Hey, come back here, you are fun.”
Sometimes they will try to stop you, or just watch you walk away. Either way they are so easy to open after that. Later in the night, as soon as you see them, give a big smile and greet them. The first second they see you, they remember the last thought they had of you was a high point: LAUGHTER!.
For the longest time, I never understood why people had any venue that they DIS-liked. Then a buddy pointed it out to me: “We are the roving party, bringing fun to any place we go. Everyone else can either join in the fun, or sit in their nothingness and watch it go by.”
When asked what they looked for in a potential date, most college students put “physical attractiveness” at the bottom of their list (A. Tesser & M. Brodie study) but that came out is what the students felt they ought to believe.
In many studies in social psychology, opinions of first dates were overwhelmingly influenced by another person’s physical attractiveness. Elaine Walster & associates did a study matching students of a university for blind dates.
Before any of the dates, the students were given personality tests to see what characteristics led to future dates with the same people as the blind date was with. Intelligence, masculinity, feminity, dominance, submission, dependance, independence, sensitivity, sincerity, etc. were al measured yet physical attractiveness was the one determinant of the couple liking each other and planning a second date.
I tell her: “You know what? I’m gonna make you my girlfriend for the next 5 Minutes, I hope you won’t stalk me when we break up. ”
Then I start the plot line for our little shared imagination movie: “Since we only have 5 minutes, we need to [private]make this really good, ok? Good. So girlfriend, how’s your mom? Tell her I said thanks for the birthday gift, but it really didn’t fit. No, don’t tell her that part, I loved it!” as I am laughing with her since it so silly.
To re-engage the scenario, I pick it back up in a few minutes: “Hey girlfriend, I have something to tell you: I’ve been cheating on you…with your best friend.”
She was mockingly defensive: “Oh no! How could you?” and playing along.
“I’m really sorry girlfriend (I continue to call her: “girlfriend” too, not her name. It was fun to stay in character, even if sometimes I used a gay voice to say it. )
“I couldn’t help myself.” I continued “I’m just really sexual… you know that!” as we played charade kiss & make up scenes, to keep the goofiness going. [/private]
So you’ve mastered the art of eye contact and can beckon a romantic prospect with just a few coy glances… but do you really know all there is to know about the fine art of flirting? Just to make sure you’re up to speed, we culled some very surprising information that you can use to your advantage. Read on for some juicy tidbits that may up your meet-cute quotient in no time.
1. Flirting is good for you. Studies show that people who flirt have higher white blood-cell counts, which boost both immunity and health.
2. Think batting your eyelashes is enough? Wrong! All told, scientists say there are 52 “flirting signals” used by humans. Of these, the hair-flip technique is the most common.
3. In some places, flirting is illegal. In Little Rock, AR, an antiquated law is still on the books warning that engaging in playful banter may result in a 30-day jail term. In New York City, another outdated law mandates that men may be fined $25 for gazing lasciviously at a female; a second conviction stipulates the offender wear a pair of blinders whenever he goes out for a walk.
4. Why wait for Friday? Lots of people get their flirt on during their morning commute. A full 62 percent of drivers have flirted with someone in a different vehicle while on the go, and 31 percent of those flirtations, it turns out, resulted in a date.
\
A longtime friend, former wing/roommate once was flirting via hand signals & sign nlaguage. This was car to car, visual in traffic. He ended up getting her number and dating for a short time. She would travel over an hour to come see him.
5. Flirting need not occur face to face. According to the Pew Research Center, 40 percent of people who look for love online say they can easily flirt with someone via email or IM.
6. In the Victorian era, fans were the ultimate playful props that could communicate all sorts of messages. A fan placed near the heart meant “You have won my love.” A half-opened fan pressed to the lips was an invitation, saying, “You may kiss me.” Hiding the eyes behind an open fan meant “I love you,” while opening and closing the fan several times was a chastisement, implying, “You are cruel.” Given how much a fan could come in handy, it’s a shame they ever invented air conditioning.
7. These days, cell phones do the flirting for you. In one survey, half of all mobile phone users have texted flirty messages to keep things interesting while separated from their loveinterest.
8. Watch out; you can overdo it. According to the Social Issues Research Centre, the most common mistake people make when flirting is maintaining too much eye contact.
9. Sometimes, flirty gestures aren’t what they seem to be. Research has shown that men tend to routinely mistake friendly behavior for flirting.
10. Flirting is universal. A woman living in New York City and one in rural Cambodia may not have much in common, but when it comes to attracting a little attention, they both employ the very same move: smiling, arching their eyebrows, then averting their gaze and giggling. Animals flirt, too: birds, reptiles, and even fish have their own way of making romantic advances. The moral of the story: If the simple sea bass can act cute in order to further a romantic agenda, you can, too — so give it a go!
Come to find out, Thursday is the night that has the highest frequency of meeting a new person & hooking up on first meeting.
What the core of it is to be responding to her signals of coming towards you. This is rewarding for her for taking those actions.
You can be sending those things out that have her likely to respond in favorable ways, but then keeping you’re eye on to what she’s responding to know what next best steps are.
While responding to the signals she sends you, it shows her that those are good signals to be sending you, increasing her frequency at it.
This is funny, I have a standard way of doing this, all a part of my GHCY method that goes:
When the check comes I reach my hand for it while saying:
“Oh, I insist on paying my half missy…” (then with a smirk) “Otherwise, I’d feel like I owe you something later.Wink”
And this too comes from growing up with so many girls in my life, there is an unspoken (even when it’s not real) expectation thinking that girl’s feel is upon them when a guy pays for a date.
By saying this single one alone, it half shows you know more about female thinking than most guys on the planet.
On the other side of that same coin, when said playfully/jokingly, it will start the unspoken momentum in your favor and completely UDR (under the radar)
to bust her on. Look at her dress sense, her accessories, her belt matching her shoes, her handbag, her heels, her dorky actions whatever it is to bust on her about. I always turn the tables and keep implying how she is the one screwing up her chances with me.
If she is from outta town and[private] having problems with directions, I can shake my head & say to her: “This relationship just isn’t gonna work out” with a playful smirk.
She fumbles while she is pouring coffee. “This relationship just isn’t gonna work out.” Now this is something as trivial as pouring coffee & I say it with a mischievous, not serious smirk. Although the message is sent, her logical mind knows it can’t be true while her emotional mind isn’t quite sure. Then her emotional mind will trick her logical mind into chasing you some more, just to be sure.
Anything even slightly goofy she does, I shake my head with a playful sigh: “Are you ALWAYS like this?”
[/private]
let the lull in conversation happen. It is okay. This can even be a [private] form of compliance test. Wait until she starts conversation, girl’s nervous energy during silences can work in your favor at this point.
Once I see her trying to invest a little more, I may cut her off, knowing she is attentive. “Ya, hold that thought. What I wanted to ask you and tell you was…” and then continue those fun topics from before or ones like them.
[/private]
Conversation Article 1: Demonstrating Higher Value (DHV)
You cannot brag about yourself. Bragging is demonstrating lower value (DLV), it shows that you are overly cocky, and it just makes it look like you’re trying way to hard to pick them up. However, there is a way of demonstrating higher value (DHV) without bragging about yourself.
One way to DVH your self is by[private] story telling. True stories about your self can create a picture of what it is like to be in your life. When you tell stories about your self, this is demonstrating who and what you are as a person.
Here is some other ways to DHV yourself:
-Being the protector of loved ones
-Being the leader among men
-Being preselected by women
-Being willing to talk about emotions
-Being non needy or outcome dependent
-Not being emotionally affected
-Being socially aware or intelligence
-Doing things that “suitors” wouldn’t do
-Having a strong frame of mind
-Knowing interesting things
-Stimulating a woman’s emotions
-Being socially in demand
-Being able to emotionally correct
-Having a sense of humor
-Well groomed
Now there is one thing that men make a mistake of: Not talking about your ex girlfriend. It’s one thing to talk NICE things about your ex, and another thing to BAD talk about your ex. Talking nice things about your ex shows that you are not being emotionally affected by the break up and that women are preselecting you. You can also talk about your chick friends as well to build on the comfort ability and that women are preselecting you.
Having access to resources is another way to DHV your self. Among your family and friends, you got resources to all kinds. So it’s a good idea to know what your friends and family do for a living, because who knows?…they might be useful.
Today when you go out, I want your energy to be spilling into everything that you do.
We know that high energy people are very attractive and lack of energy ones seem to be often avoided. We see low energy people and feel they would be sucking energy from us but high energy people will fill us with [private]that juice of life!
Project your burst of energy by maximizing your smile to each person you greet & each person who hold your eye contact through a whole second. Like every muscle, the smile is something to exercise into place and you will find it actually makes you feel happier while working this set of muscles out to their fitness. Also people you pass each day will be returning your smiles which adds to this inner-bliss.
Like the smile muscles, workout your laugh muscles. You can laugh and laugh loud and laugh frequently. Keep pushing it. If you hear something a little funny, laugh a little more than you would normally. This becomes an easy habit. When there is nothing to laugh about, you may be laughing about a joke you heard yesterday or an interesting ironic observation you made about where you are that you haven’t shared yet. To be hearing your belly laughter, people will become very curious and you don’t have to explain to them unless you want to.
When they do ask, tell them that you will tell them in a few and talk about something else. Tell them you can’t talk about it yet. Tell them that you will tell them later.
These are comments you have that will also keep people curious about you, keep working these muscles out!
Talk about all the happy events in your life in in the world around you. Talk with excitement and enthusiasm. I can talk with such passion and excitement about a simple meal I had or exclaim very surprised disbelief that I didn’t know a trivia fact my friend recently shared with me.
Expressing this contagious energy and passion about even the little things in your life makes your life very charming, very desirable to know more about and maybe become a part of. Women are very susceptible to the contagious emotions.
Take her along in your enthusiasm and it will be a fun shared place to be together. Help her to unlock her own passion some more by getting very excited about her topics. She will start to associate you with this passion in a very favorable and desired place to be, in those moments.
Sprinkle a little more pep into every interaction you have. Put an extra bounce to your step And a little more animation to the gestures you have when you speak. Since women frequently adjust their feelings and perspectives to be on the same plane of the people they are with, you will find yourself readily surrounded by happy energetic people. These women will associate their emotional high to you and want to be spending more and more time with you, on a more regular basis. You can have more time available for those that are returns of your happy energies.
Once they have started investing their energy into the conversation and you see they are becoming engaged in the conversation then you can take things to the next level.
At that point, it is a good time to [private] notice something about them, anything.
There is a place you can do your goofy cold reads: “It seems like you are the good one and you are the bad one. I’m glad you guys have each other to keep yourselves balanced out. That’s okay, I’ll toss you guys up on my shoulders as my angel and devil whenever I have a dramatic decision to make. We’ll be rolling down the street with each one of you on my arm…anytime there is a decision to be made, each one of you can whisper in my ear and I can see whose suggestion is more tempting.”
[/private]
“Honey don’t worry. If you play your cards right, I may make sure you get added to my ‘to-do” list.”
Kino Escalation
I was trying to find other ways of escalating and I figured something out which really worked out great.
When you are sitting down next to the girl take her hand and hold it between the two of you. Comment about her ring(s) or nails and instead of giving her back her hand, gently place it on your leg. (but don’t stop talking, keep conversation flowing or else you’ll look quite odd)
***It is said that don’t let the girl determine how long you touch her for (ex: arm around shoulder) and that you should be the one to time them***
However, for this method, I would say, let her decide what to do with her hand from there. Look for IOI’s.
1. If she gently takes her hand away while brushing your leg
2. If she leaves her hand there
3. If she moves up your thigh
4. If she squeezing your leg or thumb tap. Etc.
IF she were to quickly pull away, false disqualifiers would be sufficient or light negs. When this happens and you do these, move back as quick as her hand. This is key, because this will look like she is the one who is making the move on you.
“Whoa! You are a feisty one!”
“Hey now, I don’t want your cooties!”
“Hey, hey, hey! Just because we’re clicking doesn’t mean we’re going to fuck later!”
Then continue flow of conversation, go back to what you were talking about, or change subjects then start to build more on comfort. Then try again.
You can actually do this standing up as well. I was talking to Dean about this and he added some nice key points here as well.
Again, take her hand and comment on her ring or nails. Take her hand and place it on your shoulder as you joke around about anything. If she pulls back, again, false disqualifiers and light negs to have the two of you laugh together. Then start to build more on the comfort.
If she complies once you put her hand on your shoulder, place your hand on her lower back and gently pull in. Take her other hand and place it on your other shoulders, then you can begin to talk softly as you gaze deep into her eyes as you go in for the almost kiss or full make out.
You can even use this as a close for the night as well. Place her hand on your shoulder, your hand on her lower back, pull in and give her a cheek kiss goodbye. (The thing is this: Cheek kisses, the lips never touch the cheek. It’s usually cheek to cheek with an air kiss.) If her lips touch your cheek, she is most likely willing to go all the way with the make out. If not, hopefully you have her number already to work on later.
This is all about leading and escalating in kino. Leading shows dominance and the kino escalation creates a sexual vibe. You got to keep talking while you do this so that she won’t know what hit her till it is too late.
Try this out. It’s a lot of fun.
DSmoothMike – Dating Coach Assistant
D as in “Damn” Smooth as in “Butter” Mike as in “The Filippino lover!”
Las Vegas is the world’s adult Disney World. So image being there with a Dating coach guiding you along…scratch that, Image being there with 3-4 coaches!
There is a mansion in Vegas that is creating a buzz in this Seduction “Community”. Yes I said Mansion, 5 bedrooms and baths, fireplaces…yes more than one, POOL! and more!
“Hey hunny, great talking to you, you should come to the after party, AT OUR HOUSE, with a POOL, and Jacuzzi!!” ~C.J. “The Siege” to girls at team pull with JerseyBoy in LA.
Read that quote over again.
Now remeber it. Once you are rolling along in conversation with some new girls, drop that into conversation to see some girl’s eyes light up!
The from there all you have to do is work out logistics to move you all back to the Place wwhen sexy fun is abbout to ahppen.
You see, Siege is there with a single fun outcome in mind that will prioritize the others throughout what is going on. Sure He’ll be enjoying the rest ov=f Vegas, with a particular radar on.
And ALSO rememer, what he is looking to have he gets so once one girl in the group is making out, that feeling transfers to the girl you are talking to with him as your wing.
Then she want’s to making out, this increasing your ability to escalate with her ENPORMOUSLY!!
Then once back to the pad, the girl you are talking to hears/sees sexy time going on with C.J. and his girl. She too want to be having sexy-time since the mere thought of hearing her friend enjoying the pleasures she wants, willl raise her buying temperature like you’d never believe…that is unless you have singed up foro the Vegas Event
This is not your everyday meet-up or weekend boot camp, you and the coaches DO NOT part ways for hours after the outing to your respective hotel rooms. You get a text from a girl after the night is done, there is a coach right there ready to help!
This is a project house weekend in the city that parties 24/7! on Halloween weekend no less!
This isn’t just locals, this is everyone from every where, flying/driving in to party and be naughty!
Guys this is a chance to get out and broaden your horizons! Travel and bring home stories to your friends and even women in your home town. SO when she asks have you traveled your response can be something other than “Yes with my mom and dad, to Disney world, when i was FIVE!
The problem in this are of self-improvement is that there is too many who want to read material for days or months on end and never strp out of their home or their OR their comfort zone then go out with others who do that same thing, and it ends up being “The Blind leading the Blind”
Lets put a stop to that and hit Vegas with coaches and make some memories to last a life time!
Posts: 185
Likes Given: 9
Likes Received: 6 in 5 posts
Joined: Oct 2010
Reputation: 4
Vegas recommendations
There is some people on this forum heading to Vegas, so I thought I’d put in my recommendations and what I’ve learned:
1. Girls at tables won’t talk to you that much.
Well, if it’s tables like Craps or Roulette, they got time to talk after their turn, or during their turn, but when it comes down to card games, they would prefer not to talk, but think up ways on how to win. You can make quick and witty comments to grab her attention then pull her to a different table, but conversation wise, no- they will not talk to you.
2. Girls are easier at the slot machines.
Slot machines are designed so you can take your time with them. There is no pressure or rush to do anything. So they can stop whatever they are doing and talk to you, or play and talk at the same time.
3. Pull them from different parts of the casino.
The casinos have a lot of things to look at, and places to be. Such as bars, clubs, slot machines, tables, or even watching a game together. Pull them to different areas to create small intimate moments that you can expand on later.
4. Pull them to different casinos.
It’s like making small intimate moments inside the casino, you are now making a larger memory to help raise the attraction and comfort. Also, there is open liquor laws in Vegas. Share a drink outside by bridge that connects the Excaliber to the NYC Hotel, or watch the pirate show at the Treasure Island hotel for free.
5. Shopping Malls inside the casino and the Vegas Strip are awesome places to meet women too.
It’s like Day GSF, except you can pull them into the bedroom without leaving your hotel/casino (well, depending on where you are. I recommend Ceasars Palace. A lot of high class and beautiful girls there.)
6. Wednesday night (or was it Thursday?) at the Planet Hollywood Hotel/casino
Strippers on poles and half naked women everywhere. What’s not to enjoy?
7. Vegas has the best strip clubs in America
JUST DO IT
8. The Vegas Effect
Remember, no one REALLY lives in Vegas…and tourists are always more prone for one night stands as opposed to local natives. Why? Because it’s exciting, daring, and fun.
9. Don’t forget the 4 questions to SNL
This actually works a lot better there, I found.
10. Eat your vegetables…
Nothing is more sexy than a man who loves his vegetables.
AND HERE IS YOUR BONUS:
11. If you’re looking for drugs, late night, on the bridge the connects the NYC Hotel and the Excaliber. Dealers usually hang out there.
Overall, guys, have fun. If you’re looking for any other fun places to check out while you’re there, I visited about all the casino’s, so I know where to go.
-DSmoothMike, Assist. to Dating Coach
D as in “Damn” Smooth as in “Butter” Mike as in “The Filippino lover!”
When your arrogance is combined with humor, to be very funny it shows you are having a good time. You have no need to earn any woman’s attention or acceptance or approval. This has to be the fact of all matters with her. You are a [private]strong provider that can stride confidently through the battlefields of life with or without her. However, if she earns your affections then she can come along for the fun you have in store. (Click title for whole article)
If your comments are funny and make people laugh they are very welcome. They are enjoyable even when you are giving a person a hard time about something or teasing them. The tension of uncertainty excites people in such a way that allowed the teasing you may have in store for them.
This strong providing man striving through the battlefields of life needs to be tested by a woman to know how strong their strength is. No matter what a woman presents you with true maintain your composure through all thick and thin will display a valuable guide to her. Getting angry and or upset over meaningless issues reveals insecurity and a person and is unpleasant to be around nonetheless.
Please do yourself a favor and welcome all of her tests. They are indicating that she is interested in you and would like to know more about you. Be charmed by this, and welcome it just make sure you maintain all of your composure throughout all of this. After some time, you will be able to see through them, see what they are and understand where she’s coming from. Remember that you never need to embrace or accept negative energies coming towards you and you can walk away at any time. You are a non-clingy person. “I do not need and negative energy in my world and I can walk away any time it feels less than desirable.”
This girl that I met at 10pm last night, kept me up till 6am today.
Then at 12:30 today, this comes in:
“:) I have not stopped smiling all day, sorry about the latch, hope the rest of ur day goes just as well, I’ll talk to u soon” ~HBScorpio
When I write/post rest of story, you’ll see what I mean when SNL becomes 8 hour love story that needs a sequel to be congruent.
Sure I fall in love like junior high girls get crushes, but 4 some reason the love is real (totally in love with the moments we share(d) & wouldn’t trade those 4 the world.). …..X, Ttyl. CJ
Hey CJ,
Here is the text conversation you asked me to type:
Me: So I was talking to my friend about going to aparty friday
I’ve known her for a while and I think she likes me a little bit
I went to meet her and her friends and when we got to the fratthey wouldn’t let guys in so they just bailed on me
I gave her a little attitude and she said to call her, which I dismissed
Today she texts me:”How are you”
What do you think I should do?
I feel like need to give her a little punishment to her know that this kind of behavior is not acceptable
So what do you think I should do about this girl?
She just texted me asking if I’m mad at her
CJ: Tell her: “What would you do that would make me mad at you?”
Me: She said: “IDK you weren’t responding”
So she’s trying to play coy
What’s next?
CJ: That’s exactly the kind of response I was guessing… like “What DID you do that would make me mad?” Has her thinkingof exactly what it is she did
Me: But what should my response be to her playing coy and saying she doesn’t know?
CJ: No rush, time is on your side
Me: So response for now, let her get back to me with an apology?
CJ:Although she is thinking it(obviously) than that is enough. She already saw that you hold off from getting right back at to her and is trying the two together. Now you can play totally cool and unaffected
You can even play it up a bit: “I’m sure if you had done something, you would make it up to me”
( You don’t need an apology. She might still hold off from admitting outloud she had done something wrong. Even when it happened, if you had played it off like you didn’t care either way she probably wouldn’t have done it. Girls are like that, seeing you cared inspires girls to do wacky things)
Me: Should I text it now or give it like an hour or two
CJ: By not directly saying you were bothered at all shows what she has no effect on you. You have fun wherever you go and she can come along or miss it. Even if she bring up that night, I would talk about something super phenomenal and way more fun than the party she missed cause she went. Give it some time, claim you’ve just been busy.. and gently see how she makes it up to you. You are slightlymore in the zone of her chasing you. Earning your validation, don’t play it too much or she’ll stop trying. You’re just busy and couldn’t get right back to her the second she texted you.
Cj Siege
Is she in a group? Do you know that approaching a girl in a group of friends, will often have her friends trying to block you in her defense. Just to walk up and say: “hey, how have you been?”
Like Subscribe · September 8 at 3:23am near Boston
Cj Siege Her friends instantly assume you guys know each other & she has the deeling you two do too, just maybe she doesn’t remeber your name. She will keep up this polite at first iin case she just doesn’t remeber right away but by that time you can have the conversation off and running to wonderful places.
Saturday at 3:16pm · Like · 1 personLoading….
#1- Push her against a door
Simply look her deep in the eyes for a whole moment, saying nothing. Then grab her and push her back against a door with you coming to the door too, to make a girl sandwich with your body and the door. Press yourself into her and start making out with her aggressively. Enjoy every taste of her like she is a delicious desert. Tell her: “I want to fall inside you.” but still hold off. Once you told her that, the seed has been planted, let her want more of you as long as you can.
This same move can also work against a wall, but you have to be extra careful about pushing her against a hard surface that doesn’t give (it can hurt and break her out of the moment) and a wall makes less of a ”SLAM!” noise than a door does. Be firm not shoving.
Dominant sex move #2- Pull her hair
For foreplay, stand behind her, kissing her neck. First rach up to the back of her head where her hair starts, and pull her hair back. Girls really go crazy for this.
When you’re doing her doggy style (a very dominant position), you can enhance your dominance by pulling her hair as you say dirty words in your low sexy voice to her.
Dominant sex move #3- Push her face into
the floor
Phucking her doggy is very dominant. You are physically above her and she is on her hands and knees. As you’re phucking her doggy style, use your hand to force her head and shoulders into the bed sheets. Sometimes I lay her on her stomach, he legs together. Then from above her I enter her while using my hands on her lower back, lightly pinned to the bed. She can feel total surrender in this.
Dominant sex move #4- Pin her hands down
Once some playful flirts have gone back and forth between you two, throw her onto the bed missionary position and with her hands above her head, forcefully pin them down as you phuck her.
Dominant sex move #5- Fuck her hard, fast,
and deep
Girls like it when you ravish the shit out of them with everything you have, full of passion and energy. Phucking a girl hard, fast, and deep is both dominant and characteristic of a healthy alpha male in full embrace of his masculine energy.
Dominant sex move #6- Kiss her forcefully
take her face and push your tongue in, like you are giving her a forceful tongue penetration. Make the kiss wet, forced, and nasty. Every time a tongue is pushed in their mouth they assocaite that to penetration on them in hotter places.
Dominant sex move #7- Manhandle her into
position
When you want to switch position, (each one is a combination of new sensations for her) don’t tell her nicely. Decide what you want and manuver her that way. You can roughly grab your girl by the legs, arms, waist, or whatever body part to get her moved right and forcefully manhandle her into the next position you want her in.
Girls seeing this strength of character is what hold desirability for a guy. Seeing him change his ways, because of her whims or because of something that hasn’t even been indicated as something she doesn’t like
With most girls, especially that early in a relationship, then knowing they are with is very desired by other women reminds them they have a catch.
They continue to be putting their best foot forward. They continue to keep their actions to be ‘chasing’ so to speak and doing what pleases the man the best they can. Which by the way is part of feminine inherent nature, they like to please the ones they care about.
Yes there is an exception to every rule, but as a general principal, girls follow their biological coding and stay feminine and humble, to be approached.
Now when a dude stares across the bar, or the dance floor, he is broadcasting way too loud and clear and practically begging to be approached by the woman. Sorry buddy, its not going to happen. Get out of your seat, walk over to her and [private]
say hi.
Girls do not approach guys.
I see guys with this on their mind all the time. The other night I was on the bus and this hott girl got on. I was in a conversation with a girl I purposefully sat next to. The hott girl got on the bus and sat down, he sat in the seat facing sideways in front of her. In the way he sat down, I first was convinced he was going to start a conversation. It almost looked as if her knew her…that was until a minute or two went by.
Watching him look over at her, I could tell he wanted to talk to her but he didn’t. In my head I was rooting for him to just say hi, his seat was in front of hers, it was so easy to have some small talk as the bus went along. She probably would love a little chat to make the boredom of the bus ride go by, and if he had some skill, he could easily generate some attraction in the few minutes till one of their stops came up.
Girls do not approach guys. Sure, there are always wonderful exceptions and you will find yourself better off knowing this as a rule. Girls are biologically the passive creature. They are not going to approach you, and they wont respond to your approach if it is way too obvious you are interested in them before knowing them.
Now when a dude stares across the bar, or the dance floor, he is broadcasting way too loud and clear.
Girls do not approach guys.
There are always wonderful exceptions but you will find yourself better knowing this as a rule. Girls are biologically the passive creature. They are not going to approach you, and they wont respond to your approach because it is way too obvious you are interested in them. Do a little eye-contact flirting. Once you get a signal that she is interested, walk on over.
Cj Siege Tell her this: “hey I noticed you from over there & had to come over & say hi. see what ur like…” It doesn’t say more than u mean, nor is it trying too hard to maintain a status of any sort …just clear, direct, honest & to the point. Like any new interaction, yes her beauty has draw you over, but u want to see what she is like before u decide further
2 seconds ago · Like
THIS starts the momentum in exactly the right place, she now knows she hasn’t won you over with her looks alone, you want to see what she is like AND THAT will decide how things go from then on.
(a few comments in reply to a story I recently heard)
[The moral of the story: Have better things to do than meet women.]
Totally and in essence, by indicating that you have better things to do than meet-up with women, this shows you are a very [private] deep, complex, multi-interest/passionate type of guy. This is more of the type of guy girls like to be with. She will not see the value in hanging out with a guy who will drop everything to meet up with her, but will find value in hanging out with a guy who likes her enough to try and make a little time for her.
[You see, he actually made himself much more attractive by doing exactly what he did.]
This is part of the almost-validation that leads girls to be in that wonderful place of being in pursuit of a guy that she likes, not being the pursued. Both the girl and the guy are much happier in these relationship dynamics for the sort-run and the long-run.
A girl has felt pursued by guys her whole life; since puberty. Most guys have been in pursuit of girls since puberty. Once a girl finds a guy she has to work a bit to earn his favor, she appreciates her ‘catch’ much more. Once a guy is being pursued by women, his personal value, self esteem goes to very healthy places. They both can grow much better in this kind of relationship, as people.
[Last, he doesn't present himself as timid or even like he did anything wrong, because he hadn't.]
I see guys getting caught in this trap all the time, taking responsibility for something that wasn’t their fault, to sooth the woman, or so they believe. When the facts can be clearly identified to understand responsibility, it can even free up the pride from its hesitation from apology. I recently had a girl who was texting me & calling me during a time I was involved in a project, which I don’t answer my calls/texts when I am involved in activities.
After calling/texting me every hour or 2, without any response from me, she got pretty bothered. When I was freed up and returned her contact, I could tell she was pretty stirred up, although this was not because of any wrongness of my actions. I clearly stated to her “Although there was nothing I could have/would have done differently, I am sorry you felt that way.”
Based on the facts, I was honest as I could be. There was nothing I would have done differently, yet I had no intention of her getting all bothered. I don’t like it when people in my life are upset, regardless if I had no control of the reasons they are. So yes, I was sorry she was upset. I wasn’t sorry for anything I did or didn’t do, I was simply sorry she got upset over things.
She could hear, based on what I was saying that I had no apologies for my actions, yet I was empathetic enough with her to care how she felt. By what I said, she can clearly understand that I’d like her to be happy, yet I won’t change my routines to make this happen.
[Lowering her value and raising his. As her emotions began to wear on her, he became more valuable because she invested feelings, energy and time into a man who has better things to do than meet some girl]
This is a great explanation. I see guys getting a bit confused to what it means in social dynamics to be ‘higher value’ or ‘lower value.’ It is not so much one simply being a higher value person in a general sense (although this may be a part of what leads to it, I have also seen it have no effect) of social status.
As you can see, she valued spending time with him more than he valued spending time with her in that moment. She valued his company more at that time compared to how much he valued her company. He’d like to spend time with her, but had a few things higher in priority. Rather than value being rated on the general scope of things, it was amount of value time spend with the other meant to a person.
“”Siege, realistically what would it take for you to come out here and do a seminar? Your style is something I know works out in the “bible belt” and that five minute talk on escalation we one of the most influential things on my game I learned during then whole summit. Currently using it!!! So yes I would love to have you out here.”"
You plant seeds to get her number without any possibility of rejection
On my way Saturday and as usual, I did something with the first people I see for the day to begin my social momentum for the day. As I was getting closer to the bus stop, I saw two girls. One was facing my direction and the other was facing the first girl, away from me. As I got up to the stop, I simply smiled and said “Hello” to the girl facing me.
“Hello” said the one facing me as her friend turned around to see who she was saying hi to. When the second girl turned, she said “Hi’ as well, to which I smiled at. As I said, I was just greeting the girls to begin the social momentum for the day. There was not anything striking about them, so I just greeted them and left it at that.
As I got on the bus I could see three seats in a row, each with a girl sitting on the inside seat, leaving the outside one open. A quick scan had me take the seat with the cutest of the three, whom I sat next to.
She was wearing headphones, so I waited a few moments then I turned to her, smiled and asked if she knew which stop it was that the Pru was on (yes I knew this, but I was using the situational questions to feel her out). She explained the stop was Copley so I thanked her, gazed at her face for a moment and smiled. She put her earphones back on and went back to her music. I waited a few more beats of time to go by and I turned to her again.
“What color train is that stop on?” I asked her. She told me ‘green’ then asked me if I was new in town. When a girl asks any question about you, it is a signal of curiosity to know more about you and keep the conversation going.
So I went into my elaborate story of how I am from this area, [private] yet I travel so much. I tell her of my last trip to Puerto Rico lasting 7 months longer than I first thought I would stay, then I went on to tell her about the beauty of the place, the friendliness of the people, the tropical animals and my practice in real-life Spanish.
I talked about the food there, and our conversation transitioned to trading stories about different ethnic restaurants in town. She described a Colombian restaurant she liked (which I noted in my head) and I told her how I love to meet up with friends at different spots to split appetizers. This was about 10 minutes since I first spoke to her.
Our conversation was flowing smoothly, back and forth. I could detect of her interest in me and I thought she was cool to talk to. I gauged how many stops were left before I’d have to get off and I said to her: “You seem like you have a really cool energy, it’s a shame we can only enjoy each other’s company for the length of this bus ride.” She expressed agreement in smiles and nodding and small comments. I paused to let it sink in; I even looked away for a moment in thought.
Then I turned back to her.“I wonder what steps we’d need to take to pick this conversation up another time” and I let it sink in while she thought of ways two people could connect later. Trade info, exchange numbers, etc.
Then as if I was hit with a discovery I said. “Ya, we should definitely trade info so we can talk again another time” as I pulled out my cell phone. It never seems awkward when I take baby steps to this type of suggestion, just like the expected normal thing to happen next. I have found that by signaling my way up to the number seemed to be easily accepted and replied well to. It wasn’t an all-of-a-sudden: ‘Let me get your number’ out of nowhere in the conversation. I showed where I was going as if it was the natural next step. I also take the asking for anything out of the picture. I don’t ask for numbers, I suggest we trade information. More even exchange, less pressure.
My favorite part when I do things this way is when I start to suggest, sometimes the girl will have the idea and say: “Oh ya, give me your number.” Or whatever. This seems to drop the flake factor and have her more invested into waiting for/getting my call too. Not all girls do this, they still are humble feminine creatures but it is cool when they do, usually the outgoing ones.
So I pull out my phone to her.
“What is it?” I asked with my cell phone in hand as I selected ‘new contact’ on my phone.
“Jenna.” She told me.
“No your number. I have to punch that in first, then I can put your name to it.” I said. We hadn’t even traded names yet.
She told me her number; I punched it in and put ‘Jenna’ in the name section. “Ok, I will send you a text right now with my name in it so you can save the number. I’m C.J.” and I sent her a text right then. I could see my call coming through, now knowing it is a real number she gave (we had clicked pretty well so I had no reason to think it wouldn’t be but it is a habit) and she saved the number with my name to it.
We kept chatting and she subtly mentioned her brother & his speaking English. “Where is your family from?” I asked. Even when girls make small subtle points, they are stepping stones for more information, further conversation, getting to know each other better.
“Nicaragua.” She said.
“No kidding, como estas?” I had to ask, practicing my Spanish once again. “You can be my Spanish practice buddy.” (I do usually hint at girls getting stuck in my friend-zone if they don’t play their cards right. Here is another frame that I found by owning it first, I never get stuck in…Yet to keep this type of statement from indicating she doesn’t have a chance, I [/private] ….will pair it with a statement that has a subtle sexual undertone.)
She then told me she was riding the green line too and would be coming with me since her stop was one after mine. We boarded the train, chatting for the ride, when I got to my stop, I took her arm for a small squeeze and told her I would talk to her later.
To keep whatever emotional high she was in from meeting me, I sent her a text about an hour later: “Hey Jenna, now I am all curious about the Colombian place you told me of. We’ll have to go split appetizers when we both have time free. C.J.”
…and 20 minutes later I get her text back: “Definitely! =)”
She will be processing what is being said and some expression will come with her remarks, you can see if she is getting engaged. Once the conversation starts, I watch her body language and overall energy and calibrate to it. It is nice to have energy slightly higher than hers is. Having it close will indicate rapport & being slightly higher will start to raise her energy, raise her vibe of fun because of you there.
After some back and forth [private]…body language flirts had gone back and forth, I stood up and walked across the subway car to where she was.
I saw there is a seat next to her, so I simply said as I was sitting down: “Hey, should we talk. Or continue to flirt from a distance?”
And the conversation was off & running. This is another great part of increasing your calibration. you can send body language signals and read them coming in to you so you can know which girls are receptive to you and which ones are in a zone to be meeting new people that day.
…because they don’t turn off the sexuality… [private]“nice” guys think women will be terrified of their
sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny.
The great part of this is, is that a guy does not have to be a bastard to keep this same attraction switch on. Keep sexual topics flowing freely from your mouth and she will see that sex is an acceptable topic to be discussing with you.
“I hear about all this equal rights talk going on. Did you know that women are capable of NINE different types of orgasms? Guys only get two types that we can have, this ‘nine’ business seems like you got a better end of that deal.”
Saying something like this opens the table for okay-ness to have sex on it and also shows a sexual intelligence that most guys do not have. If you know this much, she will go on to wonder if you know how to give her those nine types.
“Hey honey, don’t worry about it. I’m cocky for a big reason.:
(www.getherchasingyou.com) Maintaining her chasing through texting
For a good example of how well girls respond to playful anything and how the like a masculine dominance express so they feel better about their feminine humility/submissiveness to come forth, there was a recent message banter I thought I could share.
She has actively contacted me every so often. We have hung out but a few times more recently she had to cancel tentative plans because of complications in her life. So a few days ago I get this message:
HBNurse: Hey sweetie whats up with ya ya ya? Do u miss me or do u hate me now? Xo
(I am guessing she is referring to her last need to cancel our tentative plans.)
Me: You are in a neutral limbo status with potential available to you that could put you on the good side in a moment’s notice…that is if you take the right steps.
(Subtextually, I am letting her know that I haven’t totally written her off, but if she wants ot be in good favor with me, there are steps she will need to take. This is another level of that sweet spot to indicate to girls. They do not have total..[/private] …approval yet they are not rejected/dismissed. There is a clear enough indication that her actions in the right way can lead to the rewards she wants. Not too easily obtained, but the potential is within her reach.)
HBNurse: K. I would like right steps obi wan. School ur young jedi…..
(This is great. She is the one to turn it into a game, so to speak. She is following my lead to what I indicated, but giving us the fictional roles of characters in Star Wars. I hear which way she is following my lead and I go with that as well, rewarding her choices that are in the direction I want along the way. Like in child psychology, reward the good behavior you want more of & ignore the negative behaviors to make them go away. Girls work the same way. Good result or bad result they are driven to do those things that get the most attention. )
Me: Ok, Miss Young Skywalker…first step is for you to alert me when you are in my area and have a block of time to do what you want with.
(Here, I am rewarding her following my lead and I will play along with the roles she found. The roles actually will let me be more direct as the game goes along since it is joking, with the real meaning heard underneath. She hits me up every so often with texting banter, but here I am telling her to let me know when she wants to get together & is ready to take more of my direction. I already won’t make plans with her unless I am absolutely certain she will follow through, so when she does what I asked, this is the first step in her making a commitment she will follow through with. )
HBNurse: Yes master…. Then?
(I know she wants to text banter on a sexual level at this point. I will do nothing but vague hints to let her imagination do most of the work. Just like there are ways to build tension and create open loops in texts, tension can be released for her in texts. I see her curiosity and decide to keep it at that at this point. With this game on the table now, later I can simply recall that curiosity in her at a later point with it.)
Me: You will be given the next directions when you have successfully completed the first step…and second step isn’t guaranteed unless it is clear you are ready for more…who knows, you may get second step first time you complete the first one or maybe you won’t get it until the tenth time you have completed the first step…it all depends on the moment & your readyness for more in that moment.
(Here I am telling her that her curiosity will not be satisfied until she completes the first direction I gave her. I won’t even tell her the next steps. Some girls can get release of that tension through sexy talk through even texts. Every girl is different but I like to continuously be building tension, holding off from that release until it can be done physically.)
HBNurse: Yes master… I understand! What will u have me do…
(She heard what I said, but is trying again to get me to give her some sexier talk within the texts. I will vaguely hint at more when I see that my building of more tension will have her wanting that release AND is able/ready to meetup for that release to happen physically. Not only do I repeat what she needs to do to get what she wants… )
Me: Good girl, but listen: <> …it may be different depending on the moment you complete that….depending on the current moment & how ready for more you express you are.
(…I get a little more specific so she knows what factors will increase the likelihood of her getting what she wants.)
HBNurse: Yes master soon ill b ready to complete my training….
(Here she is telling me she heard what I said & is clear. Previously I told her to withhold contacting me until she had a block of time with no constraint but it still is no guarantee.)
Me: Ok, Leave me be until you feel you are ready.
(I know I can call back the theme of this banter at any time later to remind her or re-spark her curiosity…but for now, I will take away this banter until she tells me she has time, or I pick it up to re-spark those things.)
What girls want least is those things they can have too easily. They want those things more that are hard to get. What they want most are those things that are just a hairsbreadth out of their reach, what they can almost have if they figure out the best steps to take. Giving them indication of what those steps might be is a good feeler to see their readiness. As soon as they start to try (getting the chasing going) they will get small rewards with indications of how they can modify their steps to get bigger rewards.
I stay vague about the exact reward possible, just vague hints but am clearer about the steps they need to take…[/private] …to even find out what those rewards might be. I let their imagination do most of the work. It comes up with things closer to what they want, and their never quite sure if they are right anyways.
That uncertainty creates desire in them just to find out what those rewards might be and to know a clearer picture of what they need to do to get them…. is a larger factor in creating desire than anything explicit described anyways.
So it all started at Allston bar/grill, Sunset Grill. I was there a little early to be meeting some friends there for dinner. The waitress gave me a table beeper and I sat at the bar to wait for my friends. I was sitting on the corner of the bar and on the adjacent side of the bar were 4 girls in a row. I eye contacted with a smile the two that were closest to me.
As soon as the girl closest to me got her drink, we talked about her beer a bit. We mad some jokes about beers. To explain her reasons to be out on a weeknight, she says that she and her friends ran the marathon that day, so even though I only partially believe her (based on her delivery) I play along with her joke.
I scan across the row of girls and notice the one farthest from me, the youngest and the cutest of the bunch is doing some eye contact flirting heavily but is much more reserved than the other 3 girls.
The first girl then points out each girl in the row and tells me of something that was significant about them in the marathon simultaneously doing a mini-intro without names. She tells me one girl had a knee go out in the last 2 miles, that she personally had stomach ache during part of the race and small factors about each one during the race. It seems as if she is making the whole thing up, but I play along for playful sake.
At one point she is playing with her phone and I see an engagement/wedding band on the indicator finger. She was wicked fun to talk & joke with, so I just noted it in my head & went on with the convo. My first buddy shows up. After a few minutes of catch up talk, I quickly introduce him in to the girls. I use the same intro the first girl did with me when she introduced me to the group.
I started announcing the group to my buddy as an introduction. “Ya, and these girls ran the marathon today. This girl had a stomach-ache, This girl a knee problem…” I began with…. and the first girl finished my introduction to my buddy with the specifics she told me previously. She finished up the introductions.
Conversation went on with me, my buddy & mostly the girl closest to us and a little less with next girl over and even less with the 3rd girl in the group.( Nothing but gazes from the last girl in the row.) At one point the second girl in the row mentioned her husband offhandedly in a comment so I made my second note in my head. The girls were fun to chat with, so it kept going on for a few minutes until their appetizers came.
As the first 3 girls were eating their appetizers, I saw the last girl in the row, the one making her heavy eye contact flirts. She had no appetizer and was just sitting with her drink. She was blond, very cute & definitely caught my attention. She had a rocker chick vibe which has caught & held my attention more than once. I excused myself from my buddy, walked down the bar to where this last girl was sitting and started talking. I first was [private]talking about the marathon again and this girl mentioned that she didn’t even go, she told me the other things she did that day.
The conversation jumps from that to places she’s worked in the past, her love for snowboarding, her origin of a different state. She tells me of her parents, her studies in school. She also tells me what she loves about her studies although her line of work was nothing even closely related. She is getting really excitedly passionate explaining these things, which I find very attractive. I still wasn’t thinking of her as much more than a cool chick to be talking to at the time. As far kino was concerned, the only touching I do is basic offhanded touches that goes easily in any conversation.
We get pretty involved in conversation as I see her getting more interested. She is turning her chair more away from the bar and more towards me and getting excited about the topics she mentioned that I asked her more about as she was elaborating. She was getting excited in her topics and was fun listening to her telling her stories this way. Seeing her interest and energy raising, I point out my friend who diagonally across the bar to point him out to her. I tell her that I think she is wicked cool but I have to get back to my friend (another way to roll out on a high point), we are waiting for another friend before getting a table.
“Oh we should totally trade contact so we can pick this up another time.” I tell her. She agrees and takes out her phone as I was taking out mine. I tell her my information and tell her to call her number through so I have it for later. Then I select her call, select ‘Add to contacts” and hand her my phone telling her to type in the information so I have it saved. She does this and while I am saving it we get into other conversations.
We then talk more about where she was from, what she studied in college and her love for snowboarding and her 3 month trip in the past winter. The conversation was still rolling along nicely so I stayed in it for a few minutes before getting back to my friend. As I start to walk away from her, I turn back and tell her that my friend and I are waiting for another chick friend and then we are getting a table. I tell her as soon as our other friend arrives that she should join us at the table too. She says it sounds good so I tell her I will let her know when I get buzzed for the table.
I go back to my buddy, our other chick friend arrived and I get buzzed for the table. Before sitting down, I go back to HBsnowboard and tell her I just got buzzed for the table. She tells me she is going to the bathroom and will be over after.
So my two friends and I go sit at our new table. We sit and are chatting and laughing along. This new table was on a totally opposite side of the restaurant but a few minutes later I see HBsnowboard coming in the dining room and making her way over. My buddy and chick friend were on the other side of the table so the available seat was on the bench seating next to me where she sat down.
We all ordered and talk and laugh for the next 2 hours or so. We really were just a table of pals chatting it up over dinner, with a new pal involved. Turns out, this girl was not with the other 3 at the bar, she just met them and were insta-friended by them.
All sorts of things come up in our conversation. When I bring up off handed topics of sex, we talk of wacky places to have sex. Then she tells me that she lost her virginity twice. First was with two other girls, then a different time with a guy. We talk of the way Joey Lauren Adams character in ‘Chasing Amy’ explained concepts related to losing virginity and the differences between girl/boy sex and girl/girl sex.
This new girl fit right in with our conversations and everything went along great. I excused myself at one point after dinner to have a smoke and new girl said she was coming with me to smoke as well. While we were outside, I asked her about the hookah bars nearby. Once I learned she liked them, I told her of my hookah at my house.
She told me of her day & of her two roommates. One was a guy and the other was girl who didn’t really like each other. She told me she was a mediator between the two at times. While we were chatting outside, I asked her what she was doing the next day and she told me nothing. I mentioned going back to my place after dinner to smoke hookah and told her she was welcome to come along. She then remembered she was supposed to meet her guy roommate at a nearby bar for a few but said she would skip that since she was having fun with me and could catch up to him later.
We went back inside, had a few more drinks. My buddy had to leave early since he had an NY trip in the following morning so HBsnowboard, my chick friend and myself stayed for another round chatting and laughing. We all paid the bill, I hugged my chick friend goodbye and HBsnowboard and her exchanged “nice meeting you”s with each other.
I first was ready to shoot back to my place with HBsnowboard to smoke some hookah when she tells me that she now has to go to the nearby bar to check on her guy roommate and touch base with him…this was the same one she decided to skip meeting with earlier when it came up. She tells me this and I say nothing, I just look at her. She then then tells me I can come too if I want.
“Alright, why not. That’s a fun bar, I’ll hang for a little bit.”
Sure I could have let her go or said bye or even tried to give her address or directions to my house but I know from prior experience what happens. Her attraction drops, the rapport is temporarily forgotten and a girl will get wrapped up in a new activity. She will be wrapped in the moments and not make it to after plans. I was having fun & came along to the nearby bar she was meeting her roommate at.
HBsnowboard and I go inside. I go up to the bar ahead of her and order a diet coke. She comes up behind me and orders her drink. We chat some more for a while till she sees her guy roommate across the bar and waves to him. A minute or two later, she tells me she is going over to say hi to him. On her second step away, she tells me I should come too. I tell her ok and let her walk over there by herself. I finish my coke and watch TV for a few minutes where I was.
I do that for her to have the first few minutes with her roommate to catch up with whatever without me there yet. After a few minutes, I wander over to them, sit in the stool on the other side of her and then get introduced. I had some small talk with roommate and let them chat about whatever they were chatting about. When it died down a bit, I pick up conversation with HBsnowboard from topics we talked about earlier in the night. Once she was done with her drink, she indicated she wanted to leave the bar so we said bye to her roommate and went to the bustop to go to my place. I stilll haven’t kissed her at all.
Once we got there, I showed her different things around my place. We talked of where some of the decorating ideas came from and talked about different framed pieces on the walls. At one point while talking about a wall of framed photos, she points to a single one with a sexual theme and says to me: “I like that one”
Hearing her say this, I am watching her face as she does. When she finishes speaking I pull her close and start kissing her for first time, full make out. With many girls I kiss them the first time when we’re already back to my place. Before that it was nothing but offhanded touches in convo and hints dropped by me to them. Enough sexual tension can be built with conversation alone that timing gets to be crucial here. We made out for a few minutes in this hallway. I stopped this after a few and kept talking about the art on the walls and directed her to come with me to see another piece. This piece was in my bedroom. We talked about it for a minute then I pulled her to me again and started kissing her.
With two steps away, I moved us over and fell with her on my bed to keep making out. This went on for about 10 minutes. I was rubbing the sides of her body and rubbing the skin of her back and stomach under her shirt. Once I reached around to unhook her bra, she stopped me, sat up and told me that we just met.
I playfully pushed her back and said “I know it, cut it out.” in a playful smirk. I then stood up, took her hand and said “Come with me.” As I took her back in the living room, I put some music on. I asked if she wanted a glass of water and got her and myself one. We talked for a while and listened to music. She edged her seat on the couch to be tiny bit closer to me so I put my arm around her and started making out again. We made out for a while, and I stopped it to change the radio. I just went easily back into a completely unrelated topic every so often. Then I would bring it back to escalating again.
At one point she half jokingly told me she thought I was a gentleman, that she didn’t expect all this. I told her I never claimed to be gentle with a smirk on my face. I then told her I was attracted to her and asked her: “What’s wrong with that?” She shyly told me nothing. I told her that I didn’t think so either.
A little later I told her I wanted to give each other backrubs. I unfolded the futon and told her I wanted the backrub first. She told me she didn’t think she could do it well and I told her I was open to see what she could do.
I took off my shirt, lied down and she straddled me sitting on my ass. After a few minutes, I told her she wasn’t that good (jokingly but not joking at the same time). I then told her to get off of me so she could lie down and I show her how a backrub is supposed to feel.
She does that, and I start to rub the back of her shirt. After a minute, I tell her to take off the shirt and she does that. As soon as the shirt is off I unhook her bra. Then I rub her back for a while before moving to her sides and teasing the sides of her boobs. I also lean in really close to her, pausing rubbing her back to breath in around her neck and smell her hair so she can feel the air rushing as I can inhale her scents.
She is wearing nylons under her skirt. I go to pull her skirt down and she asks me “What are you doing?”
Rather than explain the obvious, I just tell her. “Take this off” as I press the waist of her skirt to show her what I mean. She does that. Previously doing things like that, I thought I had to continue the thread of giving a harmless backrub. Now understanding how girls think in a moment-to-moment basis, I know once she has gon along with having the skirt off, she is in a new moment with a new objective. Once she has it off, I turn her over to her back and we continue making out of a while. I am in no rush. I enjoy making out with her and I have learned that sometimes the longer amount of time between steps faces less resistance… while sometimes trying to get too many steps in succession increases the likelihood of resistance. This lets me get her really hot with lots of slow sensual touches…I enjoy this. A few more minutes go by & I then feel her hands fiddling with my belt buckle. I show her how it works and then take it off myself.
After 10 minutes or more, I go to pull her nylons down. As I just start to put my fingers under the waist band.[/private] She feels this and takes the nylons and her panties off herself
It is said that 1st two weeks of semester have highest ratio of SNLs, Mmm…So 2nd day girl from my class comes along to improv with me after class, then with me to have wine with me & see my place and one thing leads to another… I love it when a girl is thanking me as she is leaving after sex .
The following day of class (2days later, ystrday) she introduces me to her hott friend, we all meet up for wine last night. When we all get back to my place, of course I suggest a 3 way massage but it never even gets that, right to 3 of us enjoying each other naked…sexual tension within dialog leads to beautiful things [/VIDEO LINK chemistry convo seed to 3some
Being strong in your masculinity reduces any neediness. Needy people suffer from habits of seeking validation from others. Two things must be done to end this habit. The first is to [private]focus your mind on appreciation – stop dwelling on all the stuff you want, and learn to appreciate areas that already satisfy…[private] you. Practice this every day. I recommend you do this during a daily routine like teeth brushing. Go through all the things that are going well and take moments to really feel the gratitude for each one.
Secondly, focus on appreciation when you socialize. Look actively for positive qualities in others, and let them know you noticed. I removed compliments from my vocabulary and just went on to notice what I like about people. They appreciate it more, it is much easier (just noticing) and it is always taken as honest, not contrived.
Also look for positive things about surroundings or situation and talk warmly about them, share them with who you are with. This discussion brings you both to the same page and you can enjoy together.
Also talk about good experiences you have had lately, emphasizing how good it made you feel. Discipline yourself to steer all conversations down this path. In no time, this will transform you from a needy guy, to the type of guy everyone loves to hang with. [/private]
When you are chatting along with a new girl and you feel some clicking happening, you have some common interests. You see attraction running both ways you can ask: “Well let me ask you this. What steps do we have to take to make sure we have a chance to talk again?”
And just let that statement go like a seed regardless of her reaction. A few minutes later you can easily say “You are definitely cooler than I first thought. We totally have to trade contact to pick this up again.”
[private]Being strong in your masculinity reduces any needyness. Needy people suffer from habits of seeking validation from others. Two things must be done to end this habit. The first is to focus your mind on appreciation – stop dwelling on all the stuff you want, and learn to appreciate areas that already satisfy you. Practice this every day. I recommend you do this during a daily routine like teeth brushing. Go through all the things that are going well and take moments to really feel the gratitude for each one.
Secondly, focus on appreciation when you socialize. Look actively for positive qualities in others, and let them know you noticed. I removed compliments from my vocabulary and just went on to notice what I like about people. They appreciate it more, it is much easier (just noticing) and it is always taken as honest, not contrived.
Also look for positive things about surroundings or situation and talk warmly about them, share them with who you are with. This discussion brings you both to the same page and you can enjoy together.
Also talk about good experiences you have had lately, emphasizing how good it made you feel. Discipline yourself to steer all conversations down this path. In no time, this will transform you from a needy guy, to the type of guy everyone loves to hang with.[/private]
If you are trying to fit into the norm in every area of your life, think about this: ‘average guy’ means just like all the rest. What is special about you that would cause her to choose you over any of the other millions of guys on this planet?
A woman’s attraction instincts would be invoked by [private]things such as humor, confidence, attitude way more then anything like looks or money. Of course those things would get a woman’s attention as a guy first walks in the room, once the conversation is started those factors seem to melt away.
Not only do you want to live an “above average” lifestyle, if you are approaching a new woman, being categorized as “average” in the first 90 seconds will shut off any available attraction triggers in her mind. The challenge has ended before it even has started.
When I see or hear of a guy seeing the woman he has interest in and then asking “do you have a boyfriend?” Or something very weak sounding such as: “can I take you out sometime?”… These type of things are indicating that a man has interest in the girl weigh more than well last if he gets to know her and she’s not that cool. She knows this. So many guys approach with these type of questions, that alone will write him off.
Listen, you want to find a girl that not only can catch your attention but can also hold it, right? Yes you should be open to meeting new people, meeting new women to see what they’re like unless not jump steps just yet. Start slow, even slower than that. Make your small moves to learn about the woman and see if she has interesting character to her.
“Beauty without character is like a masterpiece painted on a napkin.”
Then once the initial contact is made in a girl and a guy start to get to know each other, I have seen guys doing things such as buying her gifts, taking her to expensive restaurants and/or doing favors for her to earn her approval. A woman’s gonna find this very unattractive. These type of steps come from a man feels his inner character in real cell is unattractive and may be hiding is I’ll tear your motives are wanting to sleep with her.
Yes, sure, yes please go ahead and do those things once you have gotten to know a girl and she seems really special to you. You have gotten to know her enough to know that those type of rewards as mentioned above have been earned in time with her is rewarding enough to you to give her those things.
At the very beginning and meeting a woman not only do you want to know those things (how cool she is) she also wants to know those about you. Remember that. If she has caught your attention, you can easily bring her and you bolt to be feeling that excitement, tension, and attraction at the very beginning of your meet up. You never have to wonder where you stand with her, you are very sociable a and if anything, she should be curious to know where she stands with you. She should be carriers to know and to earn your time taking her along your adventures. Once you have learned enough about her, of course then you decide it is like to spend more time with her and maybe go through some of the dating rituals (if that is what you choose).
Think of it this way: one relationship is based and built upon two people that enjoy each other’s company very much and they enjoy each other’s personality. Compare that to another relationship whereas a girl decides to hang out with a guy because he buys her gifts, takes her on expensive dates, and does outlandish favors for her. (By the way as a relationship grows favors become a two-way street).
If you are in club with a buttoned shirt & one sleeve unbuttoned, you can ask a nearby girl:
“Hey, I’m meeting a friend in a second and I couldn’t get this button (Point to unbuttoned sleeve), do you think you could … ?”
Then I say: “Thanks, you’re really friendly. Who are you here with tonight?”[/private]
Confidence is one of those things that continues to build upon itself. The more you show it, the more respond to it in ways that increase it within you.
The more confidence you show, the more people receive from you and respect you [private] for.
Speaking confidently is a great first step. Just walking thro ugh the steps at first will cause you to show more confidence causing the cycle I just mentioned to streat building itself up.
Start with your voice. Speak loudly and clearly. You will see people responding to this right away. I tell my students to practice on store clerks. They see a bunch of people.
Really at the point you think you are being too loud, you are still not loud enough.
Go and practice on the people who are already there to be polite to you. You will see right away that they are extra courteous back to you and quick to fill your requests.
Then take that practice and apply it to other new people you meet in the world, you will see another improvement that the response you get will increase the confidence you have inside as a feeling too, [/private]
Being very comfortable talking about the subject with all it’s details in a casual way takes the awkwardness out of the dynamic. You can stay aloof and detached from anyone else’s awkwardness about sex since it is a beneficial part of life and really, it is no big deal. That is what media censorship has done to it, not you.
First off, I want to say…THE FUCKING STRIPPERS HERE ARE FUCKING AMAZING!!! I just went to (and it was voted) the BEST strip club in AMERICA!!! It was called, “Spearmint Rhino”. If you ever, and I mean, EVER go to Vegas, fucking go there. They grind the shit out of your dick as you smack that fine ass. Now, my story:
Before I came in, I gave my [private]cousin and my friend $100 bucks each to spend on me while I game it at the club. Seige taught me that for the club, you do [private] not tip the girl you like. The reason behind it is that you don’t want to be in “working mode” because you’d be nothing more than a mere client trying to taste the forbidden fruit. I taught my friend and cousin a little bit about the stripper game, so they can have a better understanding of what I am doing. I figure, if you go out with you non-lair friends, inform them a little about what you’re going to do, so they won’t fuck it up for you accidentally.
Inside the club, we sat by a corner and this blond Bulgarian stripper approaches me. She sits by my side and get’s close. She explains the Vegas rules of the strip club which is soo much lenient than Boston will ever be. This stripper and I were talking about thrill rides and how it can relate to sex. My friend then decides to let me have the Vegas treatment and bought me 30 minutes in the VIP room. In the VIP room, we got really intimate. One of the rules of the club was that there was no kissing on the lips. I looked at her deep into her eyes and said, “I bet you want to kiss me right now…” She then replies, “I can’t…my boss might be looking.” I look at her in the eyes as she was dancing and said, “Listen, place your hair around my head and it will act like a shield. No one can see you do it.” So she did and we made out some. Then she sits on my lap and says to me, “You are hypnotizing me?” I smiled, “Why? Is it working?”
gmorrocco has been telling me to slow down my patter down a ton, so it can sound more seductive. I really slowed it down for her and been prolonging each syllable, and now I am beginning to see results.
Every time that her boss would walk past, she would start to make out with me again. It truly was grand. She then says, “How long are you staying here?” I replied, “I’m only here till Saturday. Listen, I got my own suite at the new casino, Aria. I do not know what Vegas is REALLY like, maybe you can help show me.” She then said that she would love to. Then I asked her, “If only there was a way I can keep in touch with you.” Then she told me that she would give me her number after the VIP room, because she isn’t allowed to give it out. Then we began talking about psychedelic drugs. We made out again and she began to grind the shit out of my dick. After she was done, she gave me her number and went back into work mode.
Another stripper came by and we began talking. My cousin offered to buy me a dance. I said, “I’m not sure how this chick is. She may be Brazilian, but can she dance?” The Brazilian stripper slaps me on the arm and says, “Trust me, baby, I am one of the best”, I replied, “Then show me what you got, and I’ll make the judgement.” This girl here was extremely good! She really put her heart and soul dancing for me. After the song was done, she asked me if I wanted another. I looked at my cousin and he offered another one. But I said, “This dance was ok-good, but do you REALLY think that she can do better?” She then says, “Fine, I’ll give you good” And for some reason or another, the 2nd time around was fucking spectacular! If you ever seen the movie called, “Showgirls”, she was dancing like that main character in the pool scene. It was fabulous!
Then a former playboy model comes up and starts to talk to us. She had wonderful tits, but ugly lips. It looked like she fell on a hot iron. She gave us a lap dance and just chilled with us the entire night there. My cousin was very smooth keeping her there the entire time. I was observing and all he basically did was look into her eyes, listen, and then repeat back what she was saying. I began doing that with other strippers that came my way. It was working like a charm.
The last stripper my friend got me had was dressed in a school girl outfit. It was pretty hot. I told her that if she wanted to earn that A, she had to do something for me. Cue funky music. This girl really dry humped the shit out of me. She really rode my dick to the heavens and back down again. I began to neg her about how she is not earning that A, which made her work even harder. She put her bra over my head and spent most of the dance on my dick and rubbing her titties all over my face as I roughly motorboated the shit out of them twins! This was by far the best dance I’ve ever had. After the dance, she asked me how I did. I said, “A solid…C” So she dried humped me, then asked me again. I then said, “B-. If you want to earn that A, you really got to try even harder!” So she dry humped me until I creamed. She smiles at me and says, “There you go, professor” and parted ways. After that night, my balls were hurting with all those strippers grinding on my dick.
Then we hit up the Bellagio and won some money.
This is my last day here in Vegas, so I am to go out and make the best of it.
hold eye contact with every girl, longer than her – every time.
When you see a woman that you find attractive and she looks back at you DO NOT LOOK AWAY. Hold that eye contact. That you’re bold and [private]you’re proud about the fact that you were checking her out.. She is a woman, there for you to enjoy, to look at, to talk to, to eventually touch.
For example, when you are walking by stores in a mall, you are looking directly at every woman that crosses your path. Walk into every store, look directly into her eyes of every single woman that you encounter and do not look away until after she does.
To raise your bets, as soon as she has been holding eye contact with you for a whole second, let your smile fade in with second number two. If she smiles back, start taking steps towards her, she has just invited you to come over and say hi.
Once I meet them, my eye contact says: “I am interested in learning more about you, but I am not over powered by your presence in any way. I am soaking it in.” I look directly at them in the conversation and only glance away a few times as I am speaking to remember details of what I am talking about. They have my attention for the moment. As the conversation progresses, I break the eye contact, looking away, talking to other people..allowing myself to be distracted then coming back to look directly at them. This shows I am not needy in any way (and not a psycho).
When it comes to a first date, I don’t look at them very much. I act like they are my best friend. I joke around, I have fun, I make observations of goofy things around us. We are now on a team mentality, looking at the world around us from a shared perspective. Nothing is too serious and this keeps the question in her mind “Does he like me?”
[/private]
[private][private]Uoffhanded affection can come from picking the lint from her clothes, taking the eyelash from her cheek, taking the lint from her chin.
Make no big deal out of this, get it done & keep moving along, keep talking like it’s nothing.[/private]
“You won’t believe what I have in store for you!” I told her.
So once again I see the reason it’s great to maintain some contact with a girl I’ve met that I liked but didn’t go [private]very far at first. It was approx 2 years ago or so I went to a Halloween party with a chick friend of mine who also did improv at the Improv Asylum when I did.
At the party, I was introduced to a bunch of cool new people and even traded numbers with some to stay connected. I was dressed as a woman that year, so the chicks seemed to love teasing me in ways that guys tease chicks or objectify them in a playful way.
There was even more than one occasion through the night where I found it necessary to say “Hey! I am more than just a piece of meat for you to enjoy. I have deep feelings and you have to respect me for those.” Totally joking in the moment, of course, and some chicks would take it even further, continuing the thread in a way I liked. When girls grabbed my stuffed boobs I would grab their real ones in response. They just laughed.
They would have playful comments to say I was just a piece of meat or their toy for the night (which I didn’t mind at all). One girl, let’s say Anna, was acting pretty frisky and even was trying to exert some playful dominance on me. To re-remind her of the man inside the costume, I simply picked her up, her back over one of my arms, her legs draped across the other, the way a parent would carry an infant or a groom would carry his bride across the threshold of the motel room. Somebody snapped a photo of this.
Days later, several of us found & friended each other on facebook and she saw this photo so she tagged herself. We commented here & there on each other posts every once in a while, nothing too constant just little hellos.
It wasn’t until a week or two ago I posted a comment “My dance moves are ok, but show me a stripper pole & I really come alive.”
It was my joke. People could take it how they wanted but I wrote it as two unrelated concepts. I could dance ok, but if I was watching a stripper pole with a stripper on it, I would come ‘alive’, so to speak.
She simply commented “Dude, me too!” to which I went to her FB page and wrote: “I hear a dance-off starting to form. You have no idea what sort of competition you’re up against.”
She commented to my post, saying: “Stiff, no doubt.”
Thank you very much Ms. Anna, for starting the sexual undertoned comments. This is my favorite place to be, inspiring these type of comments in girls with my subtlety, then continuing the ping-pong effect.
Soon after, I then had a post on my own page from a magazine article I recently read that said that Boston had the 3rd highest IQ average in the nation. She went & asked what the first two were. They were Raleigh NC and something else, but I saw her question as a set up for a cocky joke on my part.
“What were the first two?” She asked.
“Brighton and Brighton again, both first and second place.” I replied, since Brighton is my neighborhood I wanted to subtly indicate in a joke that I was responsible for the high IQ here.
She went on to agree, then said “Coincidence? I think not…I mean assuming Allston is part of Brighton…”
With: “Coincidence? I think not…” I could see she got my joke. Once she said: “assuming Allston is a part of Brighton…” I saw that she got my joke, and if she was living in Allston, then she was installing herself into the joke, playing along at my level. I read enough interest in this to take it to the next tiny step up. I sent her a private message.
“I had no idea that we’re practically neighbors. If you weren’t such a mischief maker, I’d think we should do coffee or split appetizers & catch up n’stuff…”
In this, I acknowledged her ‘ping’ of letting me know she lived near me with my ‘pong’ of the “neighbors” in the message to let her know I got the idea. I then was suggesting we should hang out soon with a disqualifier of: “If you weren’t such a mischief maker…”
I already could read into our ping-pong comments that she wanted to hang out. By expressing a small reason why we should not, she instantly tries to overcome it. This generates a tiny bit more attraction with a sleight indication (‘we want more what we cannot have’) and is a good place to begin the momentum of a girl in pursuit of a guy, not the other way around.
So the next ‘ping’ reply she gave me was: “Precisely why we should. Mischief loves company. Or something like that…” Which is great. Rather than me asking her if she wants to hang out, I tell her a tiny silly reason why we should not, and she is the first one to actually say that we should hang out. She could guess that mischief was something I like in a girl, so she is guessing at a way to qualify herself to me, and agreeing with the sexual undertones it carries.
Now that she is the one suggesting we hang out, I can play some more with her. I tell her this: “Ok. Maybe that makes sense if we warn the other neighbors first, just in case. Do you text?”
I still indicate the “Maybe” letting her know she hasn’t won my total approval of the idea yet, keeping her working. “Warning the neighbors” was to continue the mischief theme but in the subtext. I saw I had her number from a time back that I never followed up on, I I wanted to keep her invested in this thread’s momentum so I just asked if she texts.
“Of course. Doesn’t everyone? I have no use for the phone other than texting & email & cool games & stuff.” And signed with a nickname I didn’t previously know of hers and her number. By telling me the nickname, she indicated to me a bit more rapport, so from that time on, I called her that to continue it.
I then shot her a text with my phone. “Although I don’t know what I’m getting into with you. Here is my #. ~C.J.”
Then began the texting banter. She must have been in rhyming mood, because she mentioned something about our names rhyming. That rhyme made me think of an improv game I working to be played at the improv group I regularly am a part of. I told her of it, that is was a scene with a bartender whose customer had a problem that he came in and sang about. The bartender would sing his advice, and they both had to rhyme with each other. So I told her to come to improv.
Then she asks me if they serve drinks at the venue the improv is at. I tell her they don’t but we usually go to Unos for drinks and snacks.
She shows up and participates in the improv some, which is good since I bet she thought it was just a show. When it came time to go to Unos she came right along.
At Unos, I directed her to the corner seat in the booth, then I sat next to her (not across table from her) so I could be in close touching distance. When we were talking it was easy to put my hand on her leg for a moment when I was making a point, or to be touching her regularly throughout the conversation. It was easy to be bouncing from conversation with her, which I kept at a closer face to face distance, to the conversations going around the table with my other friends. Since I saw her look to my lips a few times when we were talking so close, I just leaned in & kissed her to which she kissed back and giggled a little.
We traded stories, I told her of my lifecoaching/dreamcatching gig and she tells me that she had an unfulfilled dream.
“What is it?” I ask
“I want to strip.”
I had to tell her my joke that is true: “When I was a kid, my dad was a firefighter so I always wanted a firefighter pole in may house. Since I have grown up, I settled for a stripper pole to be at my house.
After that the easy kisses just came every so often, so I asked her if she drove that night. She told me that she does drive, but took the T since to avoid the parking. I then told her I would have hit her up for a lift home if she had her car. She started telling me of taking the T back together since both of our areas are on the same color line. Then she cut herself off and suggested we split a cab since we live relatively close with each other. I agreed and conversations of other topics came in and out.
When I stepped out to smoke a butt, an adjustment to the dynamic came to me. Different friends that were there had given me a ride home before. When I got back inside I said to Anna “Sometimes my friend gives me a lift back to my place, I wonder if it would be cheaper for you to take a cab back from my place.”
Her first reply was “Couldn’t he just give me a ride back to my place too?”
I had already though of the possibility of her thinking this so I told her. “It is much easier for me to ask for a ride for you & me back to my place than also be asking for a ride for you, a person they just met first time tonight to a whole other place…taking more time.” It was unspoken, but there is a sleight indication that by asking for this extra favor might have less of a change of being favorably granted.
Girls are great at thinking of all the possibilities in a social situation. If she was to put all the possibilities on the table then it would compare. She may like me to be splitting a cab with her, spending a little more time together. I thought of that, but it wouldn’t be as smooth to get her back to my place in those circumstances. If she denied the suggestion, I may just tell her to take the T back and I will get a ride from my friend. Of course I don’t know for sure, but I bet she considered that last possibility. She agreed that a cab back from my place would make the most sense.
Most of the ride, while she was in the back I spent most of the time during the ride, talking to my friend, making small points to her. So during the ride back, as we passed a road that a turn would lead to her place, she mentioned it this way: “Left” quietly in a playful tone. Although I didn’t know exactly where she lived, I guessed what she was getting at.
“No problem, you can take a cab back from my place.” Thankfully, my buddy didn’t interject by saying he could take her to her house. He might have not even known what she was talking about when she said “Left,” since he does know how to get to my place and thought that’s where we were going.
She said nothing else, so the conversation continued and we arrived at my apartment. I was sort of offering that my buddy comes in too, but thankfully he beat me to the punch. He said he had to run, that he had an early morning tomorrow.
So Anna and I went up to my apartment. She came in very confidently, opposed to how I do notice when girls are sometime a bit hesitant for a few when they are in a guys place their first time. They come in for the tour, settle to the environment as I offer them a drink and get them settled in a comfortable area.
She went on to be playing with my cat. I told her that I thought it was awesome that she got along so well with the cat and the cat liked her. She seemed to spend an extra minute or two playing with the cat after I said that.
She previously told me she had an unfulfilled dream of stripping some day. She had a very tight body, exercised regularly and I could see she had a palm sized ass, still beautiful hip curves. Of course I had to show her the stripper pole I have installed at my place. It has always gotten a playful reception form girls who come over for dinner parties and for other reasons.
She loved it. She started showing off her moves to which I sat back and enjoyed the show. After a few minutes, when she had done a good multi-move sexy routine, she was closer to where I was sitting with her ass in my direction. I simply put a hand on each side of her hips, pulled her down to be sitting next to me, and let the makeout begin.
Things escalated for a while, she kissed her way down my stomach to give me some head, which was actually very good. Since I did want to fuck her, I stopped her at doing this, guided her to be on her back and did some ravishing all over her body to get her more aroused.
I ran my hands and kissed, all over her body. As I was kissing her belly, my hands were up on her boobs. With a quick maneuver with my hand, I unhooked her bra (I would recommend practice on these to be very smooth). I did this while kissing, usually when done quickly and smoothly, girls hardly notice it is coming off (which they like things to be that smooth) until they feel their nipples are being played with.
We play-wrestled around on the futon, making out & playing different ways. Then in a smooth, unbutton and slide down, her pants came off. While kissing her below, she had moans of pleasure but still was gently and playfully resisting and laughing.
She was enjoying what she was feeling, yet didn’t want to surrender to me yet I could tell. I could feel that in her, and wasn’t bothered so I kept repositioning us in different ways through our wrestling, both of us laughing.
Probably to avoid the slut-label girls often think they need to avoid during a first night encounter like this. She pulled her pants back up. Once I first detected this, I took the control. Taking the waistband of her pants, I pulled them all the way up, rezipped and rebuttoned them while saying “Whoa missy, as much as I am attracted to you, we are going way too fast.”
By seizing her hesitation to be my hesitation, I now had more of the control of it. When I resparked sexy-time further, it is more as if her sexy moves had me to reconsider my choice of slowing things down, in a subtle way. Even when she was on top of me and things got hotter and heavier in both of us, she went to stand up for a moment. That is fine, she can let those feelings of me touching her to soak in & her feeling her arousal without me touching her for a moment, building desire in her.
Rather than try to keep things in a state of continuation, I laid my head back and mostly closed my eyes. I was just enjoying her for the moment, we were making out and escalating so now that it paused, I just sat back and enjoyed what was previously going on. Instead of glaring at her in anticipation for more escalation, I was just comfortable. Sure I had my eyes closed but one squinted every so often so I could see what she was doing. That way she didn’t feel like she had my full attention, eagerly awaiting her next move. If things were to end for the night at that point, I was fine. I could see her watching me expectantly, then she picked up a huge carnival stuffed dog of the floor & in a silly way she first pressed it to my chest where I was reclined a bit.
As I opened my eyes and looked at her she let herself down to be on top of me with the stuffed dog between us. (Weird barrier) Then the kissing began again with me pulling out the stuffed animal and we play-wrestled again, letting things escalate further. Then I was the one stopping things, mentioning that I had to get up early tomorrow so we should call her a cab.
She agreed, so I looked up cab companies online & selected one to call. Since she was sitting next to me, while I was waiting for someone to answer, I put my hand on Anna’s back and guided her down to be giving me head again. I heard the taxi guy answer but was a little distracted so I disconnected. She was pretty passionate and enthusiastically going down on me, it was late so I let her finish me to orgasm. I kissed her & told her she did awesome. She told me she had to work the next morning so I picked up the phone to call the cab again, this time giving the guy the addresses.[/private]
…because you run out of things to say. Say anything.
As I tell my students, you are not done until [private]they walk away or they ask you to leave. This is very good practice.
Girls are built to be social creatures and will hardly ask a guy to leave. It can be a good test of yours to push the envelope (you will find it is a lot further than you thought) until they do ask you to leave.
If you have completely run out of things to say, share a trivia fact.
“Do you know which bird it is that can fly backwards?”
“The humming bird.”
Most often they don’t but I am enthusiastically excited when they do.
“Oh my god, that is awesome. Once I was told the answer, I remembered that I did know that hummingbirds can fly backwards but when asked as a question I tried to picture seagulls and pigeons flying backwards. That would never happen. That shows you are a very bright girl, which is cool, maybe if you are cool other ways you can help me study for my ‘underwater basket weaving’ class.”
it is good to show you have an easy going attitude about sex, even sexual topics. It is good to relate this early in an interaction with a new girl. This takes and pressure off of her to be a ‘good girl’ around you.
I find an easy way to work sexual [private]topics into regular conversation is to ask “What is the craziest place that you have ever had sex?” This will partly give the girl the freedom to be discussing sexual topics with you. It is best for you to have a story to tell her back or if she is a little shy at first you can follow the question with a partial story.
“Where is the craziest place you ever had sex? I had one girlfriend who wanted to do it on an airplane bathroom. The setup of the plane was weird so she put a blanket on her lap as I fingered her to the magical ‘O’ while we were flying.” or something like that. The sooner you get to topics like this it will show you are a sexual guy and have her considering you as a possibility to be more than a nice guy to talk to for a while.
You can even segue from sexual topics with “While you (women) can have nine kinds of different orgasms, Us guys are stuck with only 2 different kinds. I don’t think the orgasm distribution was as fair as it should have been.
This will show her you are pretty sexually intelligent and indicates that she would have a variety of adventurous sexual experience with you if she plays her cards right.
Those are good points but the key is to show that discussing sexual topics is just like talking about the weather. When you show your sexual comfort, she will allow herself to be more sexually confident around you.
(Another nice subtly sexual affection you can do on a date, is to take her hand so her arm is across the table or something. Then while you are still talking you can lightly brush your fingertips, with the pressure of a feather, across her inner arm an wrist. A woman’s wrist is so saturated with nerve endings, she will feel sensations down to her toes. This will also show a teasing, sensual touch that you have that she can imagine more of in the bedroom.)[/private]
- Worcester Palladium:
> http://www.thepalladium.net/events.html
- Comcast Center + Bank Of America Pavillion: > HYPERLINK “http://www.livenation.com/browse?category=3&root=10001″ http://www.livenation.com/browse?category=3&root=10001
- Trustthebrain.com
- Songkick.com
Other Places For Dates:
Constantly Updated:
- The Phoenix Event Listing:
> http://m.thephoenix.com/boston/events.aspx#events.aspx?cat=music&title=Music
Weekly:
- Sinatra Sundays @ Lucky’s (617) 892-4224 · Descending the stairs into Lucky’s is like stepping through a portal into a swinging hipster lounge straight out of the ’50s
- “Boston Bowl” Open 24 Hours / Day. Bowling, Arcade, Pool
- Flat Top Johnnie’s for Pool – 1 Kendall Sq Cambridge, MA 02139 (617) 494-9565 www.flattopjohnnys.com
Billiards b*tche$ Nearest Transit:Broadway @ Windsor St (64, 68), Hampshire St @ Clark St (85), Hampshire St @ Windsor St (85) Hours: Mon-Fri 12 pm – 1 am Sat-Sun 3 pm – 1 am
Parking:
Street
- Big City for pool – 138 Brighton Ave (between Harvard Ave & Linden St)
- Kings for bowling – Gourmet fine cuisine, quite surprising for a bowling alley. The food alone will be a mini-memory.(617) 266-2695 · 50 Dalton St · “It’s the nicest bowling alley I’ve ever seen.” … “Combine a fun atmosphere, a air hockey table and bowling
Parks:
- Millennium Park (398 Gardner Street, West Roxbury)
- Belle Isle Marsh Reservation (Bennington Street, East Boston)
- Harbor Islands (Ferry leaves from Long Wharf, Boston
> bostonislands.org / 617-223-8666 Approx 6 dollars to go to Nantasket beach
- Larz Anderson Park (23 Newton Street, Brookline)
- Ringer Park (Allston Street, Allston)
Outdoor Patios:
- Back Bay
> The Rattlesnake (roof deck)
1. 384 Boylston Street / 617-859-8555 / rattesnakebar.com
> Cafeteria (Newbury Street) /
1. 279A Newbury Street / 617-536-2233 / cafeteriaboston.com
- Allston – Brighton
> The Green Briar
1. 304 Washington Street, Brighton / 617-789-4100 / greenbriarpub.com
> Deep Ellum
1. 477 Cambridge St, Allston / 617-787-2337 / deepellum-boston.com
- Harvard Square
> Daedalus (more expensive) Fantastic roof Deck!!
1. 56 ½ Mr. Auburn St, Cambridge / 617-349-0071 / daedalushaharvardsquare.com
> Charlie’s Beer Garden (Boston’s cheapest lobstor roll)
1. 10 Eliot St, Cambridge / 617-492-9646 / charlieskitchen.com
- Waterfront:
> Whiskey Priest (Southie partygoers hot spot)
1. 150 Northern Ave, Boston / 617-826-8111 / thewhiskeypriestpub.com
> Sam’s At Louis (Expensive, well-mannered clientele) 1. 60 Northern Ave, Boston / 617-295-0191 / samsatlouis.com
Summer Drive-In & Open-Air Theatres
- Leicester Drive-In
>1675 Main St, Lecester, MA / 508-892-4400 / lecesterdrivein.net
- Brookline Summer In The Parks Outdoor Film Series
> Free
> Pirate Themes: The Goonies, Hook
> Movies begin at dusk
> Devotion School Field / 345 Harvard St, Brookline /
www.brooklinema.gov
- Sixth Annua Chinatown Films At The Gate
> Free
> August 25 – 28. Movies start at Dusk.
> Classic Kung-Fu + Chinese Language Films
> 10 Hudson Street, Boston / 617-482-2380
- Free Friday Flicks At The Esplanade
> Free
> Mid June – Late August at Dusk
> Hatch Shell / mass.gov/dcr/hatch_events.htm
- Summer In The City: Movies By Moonlight
> Not Free
> Shows start at Dusk
> Friday June 17 – September 2
> Boston Harbor Hotel, Rowes Warf, Boston / bhh.com/special_summer.htm
T-Accessible Beaches:
- Carson Beach
> South Boston.
> Red Line to JFK /UMass
- City Point
> South Boston
> Red Line to Broadway Station, then City Point Buses 9 or 11
- Malibut and Savin Beaches
> Dorchester
> Red Line to Savin Hill, then follow Savin Hill Ave
- Tenean Beach
> Dorchester
> Red Line to Savin Hill then Bus 20
- Boston Harbor Islands
> Island off Boston Harbor
- Castle Island
> Boston Harbor
- Revere Beach
>Blue Line to Revere Beach or Wonderland
…of others is knowing that it is not an exact science, it is just more of a hint.
Many times people will define a person with crossed arms, across their chest as defensive and cautious and many times this can be the case. However, it is not always a definite. They may be [private]cold or pensive or feeling like doing that for a number of other reasons.
The key to understanding common reasons people display certain body language cues is to understand the defined reason as a possibility, still looking for other cues to indicate the accuracy of your guess.
It also is helpful when you see several body language cues all meaning a similar state. The more of them you see, the likelihood is better of you able to read their mood or state of mind in different situations.
The other side of that coin is that by understanding body language, you are better able to communicate non-verbally by directing your body language with the messages you want to send.
It would be best to understand some basics to give you an outline, then understanding variations and more elaborate collections of cues.
Direct eye contact, since the dawn of history has been an indicator of interest and liking of another person. Of course a person in argument will have a similar level of directness to their eye contact, the other clues will explain the difference. If you look at the eyes, around them, how they sit, you can see a ‘smiling eye’ that tells you a bit more of a person’s sincerity to their liking.
Leaning forward towards you is a good indicator of rapport an interest. Once you see another person mirroring some of your gestures or picking up their drink when you pick up yours is again an even higher volume of this rapport and interest in you.
While some people who are actively engaged and listening to what you are saying may be nodding their head, if you see this nodding to be a little hurried, that usually means they are feeling a desire for the topic to be finished or for you to have finished speaking.
Many people will sit with their legs apart when they feel safe and self confident. A woman facing a man she is speaking with will sit this way unconsciously showing her feelings of safety and sexual interest, no guarding herself needed with the man.
When people are showing their open palms during a conversation, this usually is showing trust and interest in the other person’s opinions. When done when sharing opinions, it is generally a signal to their openness to hearing the other person’s point of view. It is very welcoming to see and will cause the other person to feel more open about sharing as well.
With eye contact, there are different levels of gazing and staring. The differences in how a person gazes at another can often tell what they’re thinking.
Women often use the sideways glance as a first signal of romantic interest. Because it is subtle and sly, this allows her to flirt without being obvious. Even if a woman may boldly stare at a guy she has interest in, she will demurely lower her head (to show safety in submitting to him) and tilt her head away from his. By having this available to her, she can hide her explicit flirt with and indication of coy shyness. If she has a prolonged glance over at you, this is a whole new story to unveil.
than anything hiding under the coyness of a shy frame. This is more of an indication of someone who wants to get right down to business. Usually this eye contact held so steady by a woman is an indication of sexual attraction or pure lust. Some girls, less bold but still interested, may give a direct gaze broken up with looks away and returns. At this point, her eye contact is intermittent yet still repetitive. If her gaze lingers on you in the middle of a conversation rather than during the introduction, this may just be showing her interest in the topic you are sharing.
…. that they just met, the woman isn’t really sure or clear that he is interested in her directly. One way to playfully indicate this is to talk about it as future plans. “Oh my God, I am so totally going to start hitting on you in the future because…”
By doing this there is nothing to object to or to reject right now. It is a playful statement you made almost indicating that if she plays her cards right you will get hit on by you. This leaves the potential open without being too direct.
By using this future perspective you can lay [private] a lot of things out just as ‘potential’. “That is so cool! You love food and I love food”. “I love going to all these different new cultural and hole in the wall restaurants around town, we can be food buddies and check these places inside out.” This is no need for any specific logistical details, this is just indicating that if she does play her cards right there is another fun activity the two of you can do together.[/private]
Cool, I’ll just take one point at a time. Let’s start with this. :
Student: “And I insulted this particular girl when I commented on her clothes. I told her that she was wearing all black and told her that if she’s going to a funeral.[private] I should’ve just made a quick comment on it like, “Okay you look nice, but you’re wearing all black, you going to a funeral? =)” with a big smile on my face. Oh yeah I remember what ticked her off, I said after that, “Who dressed you up? your mom?” Then she got pissed. I think I went too much push on that one. ”
You only need one push or one playful insult/tease at a time. Then you can balance it out with a pull or a playful flirt back at her after it.If you have one joke, she’ll take it as playful but if you keep making negative comments about the same thing about her, she is bound to take you too seriously.
Once you have joked about something about her, move on and change the subject unless she gets playfully defensive. If she does get playfully defensive, you can later tease her in the same way but don’t keep giving her shit about her clothes. in different ways, then she’ll take you seriously.
Good experimentation, that is what will teach you the best ways to do all of these things.
…And can tell that she is automatically hesitant although she like you.
I usually say something like this: [private]
“Nah, it’s not about the number. I think you’re a cool person. It will be cool to see each other again.”[/private]
Then closing ratio skyrockets when you get their [private] eyes locked on you before you even approach in the first place.
Girls are attracted and drawn to the alpha look with strong body language.
They can see high self confidence, high self esteem and social status.
They can easily see the leader of a group who is a challenge. This challenge creates intrigue. Be an experienced playa, intelligent and passionate with a lack of insecurity.
You can go through all of your ways, never seeking approval. That can be detected when you have high standards and credibility. [/private]
After I walked Stacy to her car, I was walking around the common when I spotted a girl sitting on the floor with a binder and a highlighter. She lit a cigg, and I took a few steps forward, stopped, and slightly turned my head and asked, “Excuse me, do you have an extra smoke?” She said that she did not and that she only had one more left. I told her that even if you were going to offer me that last one, I wouldn’t take it unless she kept insisting.
[private]
This made her chuckle. I looked at the window of an art store and asked which one was hers. She said that she didn’t have one, but knowing what kind of school that Emerson College is known for, I made a comment about her being an artsy major.
After that, I sat down a few feet away from her. Keeping my distance, I didn’t face her yet, but asked what she was working on. She said that she is at school trying to be a speech therapist. I told her that I stutter and then that lead onto a great conversation. Her exam was about stuttering, actually. I told her about how despite my verbal handicap, I still managed to do everything in the performing arts that I’ve wanted to do. Thus, concluding that stuttering is a emotional/cognitive state.
She agreed to that. I then said that she had a good vibe and all that jazz, then I said to her that we should hang out. At first, she said that if I hang out here a lot, I’ll be sure to see her again. I told her that the chances of us running into each other is pretty slim. However, when we do, it might be fate. Her eyes seemed to brighten up.
Then I asked her to hang out with me again. Asking in statement form, though. Like, “We should go get coffee sometime and just chill in the common”.She looked downward, towards me then said that she has a boyfriend and he would probably not like it.
I smiled and said, “I said, ‘hang out’, not ‘date’.” Now, after I said that, she takes out her phone and said, “Ok, if that’s the fact, then yeah. It would be cool to hang out. Maybe grab a cup of coffee or something.”
I told her about how my apprentice and I go do magic outside on the commons on Sundays or Saturday day. She said that she hangs out there a lot and was hoping to go see me one day. That was nice. We’ve been texting each other since.
~DSM[/private]
“Look< i hate to admit it, but I have caused break-ups on more than one occasion…”
“Ya, I can tell. Your boyfriend already wants me.”
[private]When she is talking about things she is passionate about.
I’ll say it again:
Show genuine excitement and fascination
about the things she talks about.
Some guys ask me & think if they should be acting this. No. There is no need. I see most guys holding in their excitement because they want to look cool and dismissive. That is really not attractive to woman.
Let yourself show the excitement. I can even get truly excited listening to a girl talk about a subject that I have no interest, no knowledge of, just seeing her passion come through.
I see other guys showing little fascination in new topic they really are curoius about. It is like they want to appear like they know it all. That’s not cool either. Let yourself have ther humility of a kid, when it comes to new topics. You will see the most confident men, the are confident enough to show their lack of knowledge in subjects the really don’t know about.
A very intelligent man once captured the idea: “From everything I have learned, the biggest thing it has taught me is that in comparison to what their is out there, how little I really know.”[/private]
…it is best to have your own canned material to fill in spaces in conversations, random tidbits and story lines can be used as practice & to see where the conversations go.
Along with the random trivia I sometimes sprinkle in conversations. Along with that, you could say a joking point like:
“Even snakes are afraid of snakes.” where the girl can take this anywhere.
Or: “Even snakes are afraid of snakes, are you tougher than snakes?.”
Maybe she will just laugh at the joke or maybe she is afraid of snakes as well and tell you why. Maybe she has an interesting story about snakes. Maybe after a bit, you think of an interesting story about snakes.
Simply because the statement is related to fears maybe she’ll tell you that she has a fear of bees or something.
It just is a very silly, unexpected statement to sprinkle somewhere in a conversation to see what happens from there. It shows a kid-like playfulness which is very attractive and this also lets her know that talking about silly stuff is welcome to your world.
[private]“This is an interesting conversation. Its too bad (you/I) have to run. You seem like a cool person. I am almost tempted to suggest we hang out some more…”
“Ya who knows, it could be fun. A good cup of coffee or tea. Which do you prefer?”
“You seem like such a cool person. I get pretty busy during the week & who knows. Sometimes we never get to be in touch…but it would be fun…at least…maybe briefly chat or something like that. What’s the best way to go about it, what do you think?”[/private]
…trying to call you out on something you can play it back to her in exaggeration to make her laugh.
Lets say she says “I can’t believe you just said that!” or ‘Did that’ or whatever.
You can merely say [private] the same thing in a super whiny voice, extra-exaggerated like you are making fun of her. Most of the time, she just sees her comment is ridiculous and will laugh along with you. [/private]
I will tell you that you are to make sure that your clothes [private]fit well and comfortably. You should be wearing clothes that you’re very comfortable in them that are easy to relax in. It is very nice to accessorize well. Get yourself a nice watch, a good belt, a nice pair of shoes but don’t overdo it. One or two carefully chosen accessories that are congruent to your personality will speak chapters. You want these things to accessorize not be superficial distractions.
Women have a better sense of smell than men to make sure your teeth are brushed and your cologne is lightly applied.
A frequent maintenance haircut keeps you looking good and make sure your nails are in order.[private]
you can be saying “I am confident, I am in control and I am the selector.”
You can just be the one to[private] turn away first, walk away to give her some space and let what she has received as your vibe to sink in.
Squint a little bit.
If you see her pull back, you can pull back further. If you see any of her body language indicating that she is ready to walk away, pivot your body and point one of your feet away as if you are about to walk away. Many times, you will see this draw her in closer to keep you around. The subtle signals that come through body language are huge signals that reveal a strong inner belief and strong self confidence.
You can indicate subtle gestures that express power and dominance. You can offhandedly touch the small of her back and this makes her feel protected by you in a subtle way. Cupping her face does this and stroking her hair and head will do the same. [/private]
is a great playful joke to throw in anytime what she says or does can be interpreted with a sexual undertone. Keep it going, it’s a fun momentum.
Those same type of lead in statements that got the [private] “That’s what she said” line can go a bit more mature, making more people laugh at them. They key to humor is the tension, then release, so If you put a little tension on them for ‘objectifying’ you, the most common reaction is a little playful laughter.
…and of course, she later asks herself in her thoughts “I must really want him or I wouldn’t have said such a thing…”[/private]
55% of communication is physiology, otherwise known as body language, and 38% is in ones voice; tonality, tempo, timbre & volume specifically. The other 7% is the words that you use. Since body language is an often talked about subject in the community, [private] and tonality is pretty much common sense to all of us, I’ll be talking specifically about how you can make the MOST out of this last little piece of the puzzle.
If you spend some time going through this whole site and capturing the gems of know-how I have shared in these pages, you will find points on all three parts. Body language, voice (tonality, tempo, timbre, volume), and the words you use.[/private]
A little warm-up before going out on a clubbing night keeps the social wheels well lubed. Open some random people to get the momentum going & maybe you can hook a pivot girl for the night…[private]
Meeting two buddies at Fanueil Hall and we worked our way down the aisle. I need to take a squirt so we went looking for a Bathroom.
Outside of the entry door to the market place was a menu for the restaurant just inside. As we walked closer I saw the girl reading the menu by herself. One of the things we all learned is opening everybody no matter what… just to keep it as habit.
Without seeing her face yet, she could be stump-ugly for all I knew, so I just spun up next to her and started talking: “seen anything good, so far.” Now the thing is I just started talking before either of us saw each other’s face or eye contact or anything.
Before this, I saw she was petite, she had a good top of long blonde hair, and was dressed in fun looking contemp hip cloths. So yes that is what I qualified on up to this point, but there was no 3 second rule, no chance for either of us to start prejudging anything, just talk was going and our opinions would form at the rate of our dialog…
She turns around, turns out to be pretty cute. “Well, yeah it all looks good. Do they serve beer here?” She asks me.
“I would think so..”
“I guess yes, this is Mass, restaurants here can all can serve beer right?” Now that I hear she is from out of town, its time to cut the ‘menu’ thread.
“Oh yeah, where you from?” I ask
“Florida.” Which led to some common ground dialog for us, since I lived in Florida before. She lives in a completely different area but enough to get chatting about..
Listening to bits and pieces of why she is here, we chat it up for few. I saw her alone at the sign and now find out from out of town. On mini Vacation by herself? You know what that means!!! Girls get the Vegas vibe on any vacation. {‘What happens in Mass stays in Mass’ is gonna be going through a FL chick’s head at this point}
“What are you doing? Can I buy you a beer?” she asks.
I tell her: “Yeah. get us a table and order me a diet coke. I can stay for a few minutes..so I’ll be right back.” I hit the the bathroom and find my buds. I tell them I’ll need a few minutes and I’ll reconnect after this girl.
So spike her attraction, mostly listening, watching her talk while scanning her face. Watching her eyes, she sees me scan across her neck, up to her ears. I alternate looking at each of her eyes then down to her lips then to her eyes as I lick my lips, still just listening.
Keeping her talking was just about asking questions about her pleasurable subjects and interrupting her stories of bad things with unrelated random questions of good things. I want her to relate this time to good thoughts, happy thoughts.
We split a plate of some vegetable fra Diavlo and when I bring up the club I’m headed to, she says she wants to go but only has sneakers…
So I ask how long she is in MA for(couple days), then tell her of the next day’s club having the same dress code, so she gives me her number and tells me she’ll get the new shoes she saw that day… now that she has an excuse.., I give her a pinky promise to call & then a hug (at which she pecks my cheek)
My main point of this one, is how easy it is to roll when you don’t even see her much before you start talking. You don’t anticipate anything, she doesn’t either…you both come in talking and things roll as they do, easily.
Sure its like this: If you get talking and she is the type you are looking for: 10+ with an 11 personality(lol), then great, but if not that is great too. She will either be a friend, pivot or she was good practice to keep your momentum going.
As when C.J. steps into any venue, is welcomed with the word “unstoppable.”This rings through his thoughts as soon as he sees that he is in an environment to be interacting with women. This word keeps flashing through his thought board: (unstoppable.) This excites him full of life juice. He now knows there is no obstacle that can get between him and the goal that he loves the most: fun with women. When he walks into a party, [private]he always projects and ultra fun aura. Now that he is on the scene, the good times can really start.
I am thinking in my head: “Where ever I am is the place to be.”
You never know what adventure will be chased when hanging out with a CJ.
“The world is mine to enjoy.”
This love interaction is merely an ongoing session of batting practice. We are constantly interacting with women on a daily, and throughout daily perspective in a positive and self affirming way, it is all preparation. This is warming up so when the rate that comes along you are ready to hit that home run. Flirting with the girl who waits on you at the diner, receptionist, bank tellers… with every female you interact with. Even the old lady at the grocery store, you’re being so charming, polite, and establishing a momentary connection.
Even and especially if you’re not romantically interested in her — and in many cases you will not be — you do take the time to introduce yourself and say something to make her smile. Maybe you make her laugh. Her day will continue slightly better than if she never met you. You also distinguish yourself from ever every other guy she comes across.
If the waitress serves 100 customers in out day, it is you that she will remember next time you come in. You asked her name, took time to chat with her about her day, and referred her name several times through a conversation. Leaving a positive impression on every female you encounter. It’s amazing what a positive impression you can make simply by introducing yourself, expressing sincere interest in how her day has been going and paying her compliments.
When you put forth this positive energy, this is exactly what comes back to you on return. When you are charming and polite to waitress, she is going to give you the best possible service you can think of. Take those fun moments to establish a little connection with the pretty bartender and she will be the one to keep an eye out for you when you need a refill.
Start out with the understanding. Imagine if every single one of them has a pleasant opinion of you & have heard all the fun stories about you. She will be more likely remembering your name next time you visit and will be obviously willing to go the extra mile to help you out. When you are constantly eliciting positive reactions from women it does great things to boost your inter-state, your ego and your confidence. And it always seems easy when you are socially lubricated, say, when you’re warmed up. You feel good about your game and always in a constant state of readiness at a moments notice. Keeping this habit regular allows you to be operating at your peak level when the unbelievable bombshell crosses your path. You have been having friendly interactions with many women throughout the day so, instead of being anxious about talking to the gorgeous bunny just walking in the room, everything just comes naturally. You’ve been in the habit and momentum of regular practice your attitude becomes more relaxed, confident and shall pick up on the attitude which will also distinguish you from all the aggressive and over of obnoxious men she encounters.
Also by consistently doing this, you are acquiring new knowledge about women in general. Striking up many conversations throughout the day and keeping your detail attention on… you will learn so much about what interests them and as things that bother them. You see patterns and start to form an ‘in general’ field in you mind about women, which is nice, rapport seems easier to establish as this grows in you
I’m not so much talking about gaming the hired guns but think of this. When you go out to shop for clothes and the sales girl asks if you need any help, most guys have no intention of meeting people. Some may figure she has other things to attend to …so he just says ‘no thanks’ and moves along. But this is part of what makes her happy for her day having interesting and fun people to be of help to. Moving into the situation is fun with acknowledging her, giving her your friendly smile and just tell her: “right now just browsing the stacks.”
Maybe you compliment her on a positive aspect of her appearance, namely something she is wearing or has done to it. “That’s a really nice necklace you’re wearing. You mind if I ask where got it?” It could be anything that shows an interest is taken into how she looks. A pair of earrings, a matching outfit, or unique quality about her shoes. It doesn’t really matter… just to isolate one aspect of her appearance (that she worked on) and flatter about it. As a girl she will be more than happy to tell you where she discovered her ‘key find’ and this is a nice piece to file away for possible future reference.
Let’s say she bought it during a vacation in Jamaica. Now you have a little key point to reference during a future conversation with a woman. “That’s a nice necklace you’re wearing. I was talking to this girl he other day, and she had this cool necklace that she bought Jamaica.” Shows you are easygoing with women, and women travelers, which somewhat indicates qualities you have or like in others.
You could have just as easily complement to the sales girl on her hairstyle and said something like: “I really like your hair. A female friend is looking for a good hair salon.” If nothing else it is going to get the sales girl talking, which I think is very valuable skill to have. Learn how to get them talking and keep them furthering their points as you are paying attention to detail she mentions and filing away possible gems for later.
Without any “hired – gun’’ agenda, you will see how this takes a boatload of stress and/or pressure out of the interaction. You are just out shopping and making pleasant conversation with a girl who works there. So what if she is cute. Maybe you will want to take the conversation further and ask about cool shirts or jeans for men. This is part of her job and she will have fun showing you the latest fashions. Another great way to get tips in this area of your life. It is so easy to be casual, this encounters completely innocent without some of stresses that want to attach itself. You are not trying to pick her up, just reminding yourself you’re only lubricating your social gears. If you happen to feel like you really have a chemistry and want to see her again you can always ask for her phone number too.
By keeping this practice active, it all builds upon itself. Once a part of your daily routine, you become so comfortable around women and talking to a woman even for the first time in a day becomes something like second nature.
You will end up making great friends this way, and these are the ones who if you pay attention carefully enough will indicate all the inside tips you’ve been looking for. When I hear of guys having their ‘score count’ to be a priority, always looking for an SNL or a quick hook up, I know the strikeout ratio is higher on that level. This sort of approach with such a bad ratio of attempts to success …does seem like it’s going to have a large effect on your self-confidence and inner game. Since the success rate ratio would be the factor having a bad effect, this will cause you to become more desperate for success, maybe seemingly needy. On the other hand, by keeping regular chitchat with girls to be part of your habits, when the killer pitch comes at you you will be ready to hit it out of the park.[/private]
our own body language, our voice, what we are going to do next, we are [private] not focused enough on the other person. Read their signals & give them what they want, That is the key. [/private]
but having one foot pointing away makes it feel like less pressure to her and more casual to you both. A great way to open so she feels no ‘at-first’ pressure is to have [private] your body pointing away; at least your feet are pointing a different direction than where she is. Just turn your head towards her as you speak, your face pointing to her. It is very comfortable that way. This way also seems very spontaneous which women do love spontaneity. When you do sit down next to girls to say hi, you can take away this pressure by saying: “I need to go in a minute, but I wanted to…” (say hi, ask you a question, tell you about something, ect.)
When you do just have your head held in their direction, it is easy to get some interesting conversation going, and resume whatever you had your attention on before. This is a great way to do a little takeaway. This allows her to soak you in a bit; get a feel of your vibe, then start to want more of your attention. [/private]
Creating feelings and emotions subconsciously can be [private] done while elevating your target’s desire for you without even speaking. She can see the benefits of what I have to offer without me showing any self-interest. Every time I give her good attention, I will bust her chops and be teasing her about her insecurities. This will lighten the gravity about what she is insecure about when she is with you. When you are easily joking about them, it is as if they are no big deal to you therefore letting her take them as a lesser deal than she usually does.
Another way to be creating that sexual tension is to be only acting mildly interested in her, to almost indifference (more of this as you see her attraction go up). [/private]
[private]With a woman, it is the moods over the words to be attentive to. You can believe half of what you hear and 75% of what you see in her mood, this too can be faked in a way. Look under the surface as much as you can .[/private]
I turn to her and ask: “Do you know if they sell Playboy here? I only read it for the excellent journalism.” I tell her with my playful smirk.
she can tell I am less than half serious, but not afraid to ask this hott girl a question like that. She started laughing and telling me she was not an avid reader of such publications.
Of course I went on to jokingly describe the wonderful content-rich articles inside, in such an over-exaggerated way. The conversation went off…
[private]We are Men. We are guys whose majority of thinking is Led by their left brains thinking in a linear, logical format that operates on a time line. We are great decision makers, We balance the cost/reward factors well, and use previous results to determine the next best step to take.
[private]I have great points to the reasons why. Not to promote negativity. To be the positive only side to her life and to keep my energy, thoughts positive.
Things like “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Is no skin off the nose and doesn’t take responsibility for the reason.
(This covers thing for the most part, but sometimes women do need to fight…..every once in a while.)
My focus is getting to know others and sharing laughs with them.
If you go through your days like this, keeping your social gears moving on regular basis, you find yourself at totall ease approaching the women that catch your attention.
…so a woman can feel safe so that she can submit to him and mate with him.
A tribal leader conveys his leadership abilities by bonding[private] with the men in the tribe and using that bond to draw out the value that they can contribute.
It is a natural genetic selection process for woman of all species to seek the dominant men who are prepared to be leaders of the pack.
That man is strong, stable and competitive. [/private]
…to be disqualifying yourself from being a possible suitor of hers.
You can use all sorts of ways to indicate this. One very explicit way I may say[private] after she does something I can tease her about.
I will look off to the side as if I am talking to an imaginary person and say loud enough so she hears it: “Ok C.J., note to self: don’t date this girl, she is….”[/private]
So she has heard my mocking reasons to be wary of her.
A few key things I want to point out with this seemingly simple statement :
I never use any “buzzwords” like “date” or “take you out” or “get your number”. These phrases instantly put up a girl’s defenses. I also don’t sound like I’m trying to skirt the issue, though.
I am genuine and that I’m interested in being her friend. I don’t sound like some sketchy guy that she wouldn’t want to trust.
I’m leading her to offer her phone number to continue this. There’s nothing worse than a guy saying, “Can I please have your phone number?”
At time I might suggest: “We totally gotta trade contact” when I am having fun talking to her, she is fun to talk to.
1.Hopes and aspirations
2. Hobbies/interests in general
[private]
3. Music
4. Dreams
5. Romance
6. Friends
7. Travel
8. Vacations
9. Movies
10. Entertainment
Women’s Top Ten Least Favorite Conversation Topics
1.Politics
2. Other dates
3. Past relationships
4. Science fiction
5. Religion
6. Celebrities
7. Science
8. Antiques
9. Money
10. History
Conversation flourish topics:
Glorified gossip – Hollywood, ect.
Childhood memories – Asking questions that get her recalling her childhhod memories. Telling her of your childhood lets her know of your childhood, she will somewhat feel like you guys have known each other longer and letting her imagine the ‘fill in’ details to your history.
Goals and aspirations – Shows her inner drives, and shows her yours. Girls love passion in a guy. Once she sees this, she will be drawn to you. Also hearing the topics she is passionate about will bring her to those passionate states every time you bring them up and the longer you spend talking about them.
Observations about the world around you, about people nearby. This puts you on a team looking at the world together.
What have your recognized about her? Read her a little bit. Talk about the vibe she has, the first impression you got, then the developed opinion. It takes a bit of finesse & maybe practice but to indicate that you didn’t like her very much at first but then as you got to know her a bit better you are starting to like her more. This will boost up the amount she feels it. She will see that her truer self, her inner person is what brought you to a present favorable opinion about her. (There was a social psyche study done by Aronson about this, but I have seen it many times over in practice.)
[private][private]* “When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?”
* “If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would that be? Why?”
* “If you could have any superpower, what would it be”[/private]
I tell her: “Ok, smile if you have no undies on.” and regardless whether she does or not, she always will start smiling which of course, now I have plenty to tease her about.[/private]
First, since you have previously made a good connection for you to disconnect from, this gives her the space, the need to pursue you. When you disconnect properly, [private]you become a commodity that she wants to have more of. When you are the one man who is not groveling for her attentions, you already are standing out from the rest.
This is not harshly pushing her away forever. You are just creating a distance between the 2 of you that looks to her as a distance she can bridge. This sort of distance causes you to become interesting to her.
If you give her a truth disconnect or even bust her on bad behavior she is likely to explain herself or even apologize. Stay observant to the truths around you and those truths about her. Doing this without much opinion added to it is something people realistically look at and adjust their behaviors for a more favorable truth to be revealed about themselves.
If you want to have chemistry with a woman, you both have room to move in; room to move towards each other. If you don’t give her room to move towards you, you won’t have chemistry and that will have you rarely getting success. If you go and fulfill all of a woman’s desires, she has nowhere to go but away.
I see many guys who aren’t giving the girl room to move towards them. If you are always moving towards her she has no room to move towards you. Disconnection gives her room, and a desire for you that is unfulfilled and draws her in your direction. These show difference between you and her and cause her to work for your approval.
Disconnection shows you are a strong, bold interesting man. Disconnection creates controversy which is interesting on every level. Controversy is inherently interesting.
[/private]
“Listen< i am for the thoery to ‘Make awkward sexual advances not war’ so if you play your cards right…” andd then I change the subject letting her curiosity grow.
[private]Asking this as an introduction line, shows that you don’t take the whole ‘pickup scene’ seriously and are joking, just meeting new people. I usually have a mischievous chin when I ask something like this so they see I am joking. This way we can drop the agenda od a pickup and just joke with each other.[/private]
When guys are in an interaction with a woman that they just first met, the woman isn’t really sure or clear that he is interested in her directly. One way to playfully indicate this is to talk about it as future plans. “Oh my God, I am so totally going to start hitting on you in the future because…”By doing this there is nothing to object to or to reject right now. It is a playful statement you…
[private] made almost indicating that if she plays her cards right you will get hit on by you. This leaves the potential open without being too direct.By using this future perspective you can lay a lot of things out just as ‘potential’. “That is so cool! You love food and I love food. I love going to all these different new cultural and hole in the wall restaurants around town, we can be food buddies inside these places out.” This is need any specific logistical details this is just indicating that if she does play cards right there is another fun activity the two of you can do together. [/private]
[private]“Isn’t that pathetic? “ & she asks what do you mean. “When a guy does things like that, you can tell he is probably a nice guy with good intentions. He’d enjoy nothing in the world more than to be with you. But then he goes and gums the whole thing up by kissing your ass like that. What a shame. He doesn’t get it. He has no idea what’s attractive to a woman.”[/private]
Somebody recently was asking me about what signals to look for to let them know that a girl they have just met is interested in them.
There actually are hundreds but the good news is is that they’re all very related in a way of each other. This way when you see something similar you can pretty much read it the same way. Let me start you off with some examples that have been with a girl you first meet.
Does she ask your name? That right there is showing that from whatever has happened between you two up until this point has her interested enough to want [private] to know more.
Does she touch you when she’s talking? Girls don’t touch every man they speak with, so this can pretty much tell you that she sees a green light with friendly affection.
Often when girls see a guy they are interested in they will instantly start to fix their hair or putting themselves in some way. Even though it is pretty blatant, you will often see a girl putting on lip gloss or Chap stick when she catches sight of a guy she’s into.
When a girl is talking to a man she’s interested in, she first will face the man she’s speaking with. After the actual start turn her whole body. By seeing this, I recommend you start to do the same and turn your body to face her as well.
If you’re standing among a group of people in a venue and you see her look up at you for no apparent reason, I think it’s a safe bet she has you on her mind.
[private]It is quite easy to mix in a lot of teasing into the first few minutes of a conversation with a new girl. You can make it very clear that you do not put a mark on any kind of pedestal. As she is telling you different points you can easily say “Oh reeeeallly?” or “Uh-huh” as you would if your little sister was telling you her newest fabrication of fiction.
This is another great way to clearly indicate her that her beauty has no intimidating power over you whatsoever. Obviously she’s going to wonder what makes you so confident, especially since every other guy seems to supplicate her every beck and call.[/private]
Not in a club. This will have her visually scanning the room over your shoulder. Do not lose eye contact. Keep the eye contact. You can be having a good conversation at a kissing [private] distance. At a kissing distance. Very close it can keep the uninterrupted eye contact. You can triangulate your gaze on her while she is talking. While you are talking, keep increasing the length & frequency of your pauses. Look at her lips in the pauses shows her lips are distracting you a bit. This will significantly raise the sexual tension.[/private]
[private]After a few minutes I went by, and you see she is engaged in talking to you & completely facing you, you can stop bantering and start letting her know who you really are. I see many guys continuing on in the major excitement and attraction type talk well after they have her well interested. I think most guys do this because the behavior causes girls to show how attractive they are and this can be quite intoxicating to be receiving this kind of attention. The thing is, once you see the interest engaged you definitely need to start building some lasting rapport. You can always come back to the fun stuff in a little bit. Start talking about points in your real life, challenges you are really facing, about the embarrassment at your last family function. If you hear her mention parts about her family or growing up, ask for more details of the real stuff. These type of topics lead to real connection that is easy to bring back in other conversations later.
[private]with many questions I am asked. “Don’t worry, we’ll get to that” sort of thinking. I make a mental bookmark in my head about something she inquired about. Then later after we have continued our current threads of conversation and topics have changed, maybe I bring it back up “You asked before about…”. By doing this, she will feel like she was better listened to. You came back to the point. Still, even at this point, I most likely will let her know what she wanted to know then segue it in a topic that is more fun anyway.[/private]
[private]When you hear those feeler ‘qualifying questions’ from a girl to you, mark it in your mind is a good sign. She is interested in you enough to want to know more and see more of what you’re like. She might say “So what do you do” as with all the questions, especially the qualifying ones, I use these as opportunities to joke or tease with her. You have her undivided attention; play with it a little bit like she is your little sister. If she asks me “So CJ, what do you do” I might tell her “I’m an ice sculptor. Last night I perfected the cube. You wait; with this tray I’ll be doing 12 next week.” Now I’m not saying you never tell her. I just put it off for the time being in the beginning. There will be an automatic stereotype of some sort attached to every profession there is. By deflecting for the time being avoids this and more indicates your likelihood for joking and being playful AND this also shows that earning her acceptance is not on your list. You know how cool you are, you have no need to give her your verbal resume. I do eventually tell her one of two ways. If she asks a second time in the conversation it shows she is really interested. I may tell her then jump to a story of what I wanted to be when I was a little kid, This is giving her the factual information she wants, still maintaining a better fun theme to what you guys are talking about.[/private]
Another great thing to make sure you keep in mind is that there is never a need to avoid potential conflicts. Being a highly confident and strong man, knows that the best ideas are often presented with counterpoints. This is fine. If it was a boring topic or issue, no one would spend the time trying to oppose it.
Remember that it is okay to have some conflict. Even powerful emotion will raise attraction so her quick spurt of an angry face is not a thing to take seriously. You have just met this girl she is still treating you as a non-person to her world, also seeing how you react under different situations.
If she does give you a quick angry anything in the first few minutes you have met her, take it as a joke. Make a joke of it. You can call her cute for getting all huffy about a silly joke you made. Reach across and sideways hug her as if you are consoling her little tantrum.
If you think about it on the same level, since you just met this girl, you have no reason to care what she thinks yet. She is still a new person to your world and you have not learned enough about her to see if you want her to a friend of yours, If her energy compliments yours.
When meeting new people, there is no reason to really care what they think about me or what I have to offer. They detect this lack of care, this supreme confidence which is really attractive in itself. Since they are not top priority and there is not any reason to worry. Stay focused on the feel good topics you know, those that make you feel good and seem to be contagious to those around you.
Never worry if she sees something in you that might push her away. It always good for you to have the ‘warts & all’ perspective about what you project. If you do welcome her into your world for a longer period of time, she will see those anyways. It shows a higher confidence when a person see’s no big deal in their own faults.
You have some rapport and she already is doing different things to signal to you that she is [private]interested in learning more about you. “I just don’t give my number to chicks that I meet in the world anymore but if I put your name on your number (As I hand her my phone), I would pick it up when you call.“[/private]
“You’re[private] pretty cool. You can help me pick up chicks.”[/private]
This takes the possibility out of her head that I was hitting on her while still putting us on the same team mentality.
[private]“Look man, most guys approach women and bore the HELL out of them. They ask predictable questions and do NOTHING to spark that initial interest. Me, on the other hand, I always communicate with women in a language that immediately challenges them. I tease the crap out of them, but they LOVE it. And I talk about things that are EMOTIONALLY exciting to them. You would call this FLIRTING. Most girls are asking for something more, contact info, to hang out, indicating sexual interest clearly..” [/private]
When you are giving gifts or tensions are actually anything really, give small tastes of each.
You can just be giving enough of a sample to let her know how good something is, and then stopped for a bit so the goodness can soak in, she can enjoy it, and then she can long for it a little.
If you decide to touch on a new way, whether it’s a casual affection for intimate caress, just doing it long enough to let her know how good it is and for it to soak in. Now she can have a chance to enjoy the whole sensation and to feel the whole sensation so can while it fades she will feel the lack of it too
We seem to notice more, and tensions can be fully focused about things that are new to us, that have novelty. At first we will focus more on new mysterious things to try and understand them and figure them out.
These are not like things that we think we already know, take a previous conclusions and quickly move on. This is another reason to keep lethal secrets and just tease her with hints.
…an underlying theme in a girl’s world but also showing that you are[private] making an exception for the girl you just met is easy.
I do this by saying something that has both ideas in it like this:
“Well I just don’t give my number to chicks that I meet in the world anymore…but if I put your name on your number, I would pick it up when you call.” As I hand her my phone.
When you first approach a woman to open her and say hello or something, I usually start off with my body positioned in a very non-threatening way. I heard somebody explaining a technique when women were walking, to walk a bit ahead of them and turn back to start the conversation.
Instead of this, when I see a girl at the same bus stop I am or [private] in the train station, everybody is facing the same way. She may have caught my eye, but I haven’t revealed this to her yet. Maybe I just casually, nonchalantly walk near where she is, positioning myself just a few feet in front of her.
Then is is very inconsequential to gaze around the area. When my eyes land on her, in that moment I begin the conversation. Once she is participation I will slowly turn my body more towards her. This subtly indicates the reward she gets form active participation, my turning around to give her more complete attention.
I have found it very funny to see, that when I delay turning around towards her, girls have make a few extra steps to then be standing in front of me which is nice to see.
In most other types of venues, I will position my body to be next to hers, but pointed a little away from her direction. I can easily turn my head towards her to start talking. As the conversation ensues, I only have to turn my body slightly and it still stays very non-pressure, easy going. If you notice, guys usually sit across the table from people they are close too, while girls like to sit next to people they are close to.
Being next to someone you are speaking with is very easy to turn more to them, tough them at random places through the conversation, and still has an underlying theme of teamwork since you both are viewing the world in front of you from the same perspective.[/private]
“Ahh, I know why I didn’t like you…” where you can take[private] something ridiculously non-important to tease her about. “Your fashion is so close to Miley Cyrus…”
Another way to soften a tease, when you see she takes it too hard “Nah, I ‘m just kidding (as I touch her arm or shoulder) stay close.”[/private]
Another way to begin the momentum of her curiosity is to pick something about her. Then say [private] “You know what they say about women who….****.” (Whatever I can see about her). But I don’t tell her, I just look at her in a knowing way.[/private]
When she asks me for some random supplication, asks me to do something for her,[private] I tell her in an over-exagerrated way: “I can’t do THAT!” to make it seem huger than it is, totally joking.
After conversation is running along & I see her attraction is raised enough to start investing more into the conversation, she tilts the topic to be rambling on about trivial complaints she has.
“Why don’t you keep your mouth shut?” I ask her with a[private] playful smirk. She looks at me with disbelief that I just said that.
“What?” She asks, I guess to see if I will say it again. I said it, she heard it, time to move on.
Instead I just start rambling about a silly topic:
“I heard they’re gonna open a strip mall at Chili’s. Two-for-one appetizers. I’m going to get pizza pockets. And you get the spinach artichoke dip.”
I play mock her voice: “I’m going to get chicken fingers.’’
“ But you’re already getting a chicken Caesar salad.” I tell her in my own voice.
“Ya, but, they’re two different kinds of chicken.” I mock her voice again. She is laughing. I just wanted to change the subject so I ask her: “Have you tried the Ethiopian food in Central Square?”
When she tells me she hasn’t I go into describing how fun it is then I tell her. “I haven’t been there in a while. I’ll go with you, maybe next week & I can teach you what I know so far.”
I say: “Hey! Look at you! That tells me a lot about you.”
“That tells me you’re one of those [private] little spoiled rich girls.” I continue. “I think you’re a daddy’s-girl. You’re a daddy’s girl, aren’t you?”
“Slow down, what’s coming from this?…Oh ya poor little baby. You know what I like to do to poor little babies like you? Go down the street and get seven Mexicans. They can all bang you and satisfy your curiosity.” [/private]
There is no need to take anything too seriously when you are[private] out. Keep looking around the room. Make fun of things that you spot around you. As soon as she joins you in this you are in a team mentality, looking at the world from a shared perspective.
[private]“Somewhere Between Aloof and Instantly in Love. As the law of supply and demand goes, we want to crave your attention before we get it. Once we have it, though, it’s nice to be reminded that you only have eyes for us.”[/private]
Once they have started investing their energy into the conversation then you see they are becoming engaged in the conversation. At that point, it is a good time to [private] notice something about them, anything.
There is a place you can do your goofy cold reads: “It seems like you are the good one and you are the bad one. I’m glad you guys have each other to keep yourselves balanced out. That’s okay, I’ll toss you guys up on my shoulders as my angel and devil whenever I have a dramatic decision to make. We’ll be rolling down the street with each one of you on my arm…anytime there is a decision to be made, each one of you can whisper in my ear and I can see whose suggestion is more tempting.”
” 
~kay
