There was a time in High School when I was in love with a chick that I was her guy friend, her best friend
I was not your standard popular kid in high school. The way I was, was very unique. I actually was voted ‘most unique’ in both junior high and high school.
I would be friends with so many girls, ever since I was young. When I was in High School, I’d bet people thought I was gay since like the gay dudes, I had a ton of chick friends. This is how I learned most of the stuff I learned that kicked me into studying social dynamics for quite some time.
A huge revelation happened with one of my chick friends. The way people pass notes to kill time in a boring class, I was passing notes with this chick friend, Kelly. We would usually just write senseless things and try to make each other laugh just to make the the time go by.
One of the notes I wrote her, all I wrote was: “Kelly, No, no, no, no, no, no, no,….” about ten times. That’s it. That’s all I wrote & I passed it to her. When I got it back & unfolded it. What she had written back was: “C.J., yes, yes, yes., yes, yes, yes,” about TWENTY times.
Just joking, or so I thought at the time, to make her laugh I wrote “No Kelly, I will NOT have sex with you.”
She took the note, unfolded it and started cracking up laughing, just what I wanted. Then just to play along she looked at me with a pouty fat bottom lip. Kelly was a top notch hott, popular chick with tons of friends and all the guys sweating her. Any and every guy in school would trade a limb just to get 5 minute in bed with Kelly and she knew it. No guy that knew who she was would think it would be a sane decision to tell her that he would not have sex with her, even if he was joking (just in case…ya never know) at the time, I would have said I’d do anything to screw Kelly, except it was an idea so far out of my realm of believable possibilities, I never even thought of it.
At the time I was always trying to screw a chick I hung out with all the time that kind of kept me in the friend zone, but would have sex with me every once in while. I was persistent and always playful about it, I never took things seriously.
Since out of all my chick friends, we called each other every so often…what I didn’t really notice at the time is that Kelly started calling me to say hi a bit more often. She turned her flirting up a noticeable notch. Now instead of just chick-friend, or friend-zone type of stuff, she started getting jokingly sexual and a bit demure on me. At that time, I was still mostly clueless. I didn’t realize what was going on until a time after when I thought through the time line of everything and put the pieces together.
We stayed friends, talking every once in a great while. I moved out of my parents house and rented a house a few towns away, about 30 minutes. And then came that time she called and wanted to come over for a random nothing reason. I was clueless, told her to come over, then resumed the stupid silly talk we always do. I still didn’t think a thing…until she was laying back on my couch with squinty bedroom eyes, saying in that coy-playful voice: “C.J., come over here…” Still I was sort of clueless…until I got there. She put both her arms around my neck and pulled me to her. I saw what was happening and just went with it. We fucked that day, in the middle of the afternoon. Then at some point after wards, she says to me: “Hey C.J. (with a little giggle) I thought you weren’t gonna have sex with me.” I didn’t say anything to that but a little later I remembered that note I wrote to her trying to make her laugh. To be honest, I kept it as a trophy for a while. Although it was joking, I would show my friends. “Look at this note me and Kelly wrote, she wants to bang me so bad…”
Wow. I was blown away. At first I thought I was way over analyzing the situation. I don’t know exactly but then I was convinced that the only reason she came over to be seductive on me was that I wrote her a letter a time back. I thought the only reason she came over to get me to fuck her was because I told her in a note that I wouldn’t have sex with her. This sent me into a serious trial and journal phase. I would figure out how to elaborate this concept. I would modify it for whatever situation I was in, but the core of it was that I would be indicating to girls that I would not have sex with them. I would indicate that I didn’t want to date them. I would let them know that they could not have my number.
The core of this whole concept was that I made it clear that I did not want a particular girl, in a joking way and she would start pursuing my attentions. I would do different things to try this out and I would journal my results.
By the way, this is one of the biggest suggestions I could make to an aspiring PUA. Start yourself a journal and write down every interaction you possibly can. Have your accounts saturated with details. Every cause and effect should be noted. Write out the different things you say, the different things you do and how she responds. Write out her mood, her receptivity to you, what pissed her off, what made her laugh. I couldn’t think of anything that has helped calibrate me to where I am today.
So as I was doing these things based on the first concept, things about it began to flourish and evolve. I started meeting girls and they were going through great lengths to be chasing me. I met one girl in a supermarket in Rhode Island. She lived in providence but stared coming to mass every weekend I would let her. I met a girl from Florida at a concert in Saugertise NY. We trade numbers, kept in contact until she came up to Massachusetts for a week to hang out with me. This is the same girl who asked me why I wouldn’t kiss her. She kept working to have her way until she got it.
Now it wasn’t about an absolute blocking of the girl. As I first said, it was all in joking. Then to keep the momentum it became a game, like dangling the yarn in front of the cat. You dangle it, but pull it out of the cat’s reach before it grabs it. Maybe you let it get a small piece every once in a while.
With a girl, instead of the yarn it was feelings of validation and approval. I would give them small tastes of the good stuff, then take me out of their reach, just barely out of their reach. They always had to work at keeping me interested, which they did. They never felt like I was a sure thing with them.
*There actually are ways on this same core principle that keeps relationships fresh, never boring. It is much different in design, but same concept with different applications. If you kept up with the first part throughout a relationship, a girl would leave you to never have the feeling of security that a relationship provides. I will go into depth of the point that are modified for a relationship, but before that is meeting them and getting them into bed. Switch that around. Imagine what it would be like if your hott dream girl was always trying to get you into bed. You’d be wicked happy with that on a regular basis, wouldn’t you?
Of course. Since we hit puberty, we go around chasing girls, trying to convince them to be with us. We try to impress them so they’ll let us kiss them. We try to offer a good solid model of a man that looks like a good steady boyfriend, one that she will be with because he is stable. Those are are very valid points and most of them are useful but since we have been chasing girls since we hit puberty, it is almost like a relief when they are chasing us. A man who is being chased by a girl, a man who feels wanted on a regular basis can focus his efforts and energies on bringing them both to fun places, adventures and experiences that they both will enjoy and never forget.
The same thing happens with a girl. Since she hits puberty, there are guys trying to win them over all over the place. There are guys bending over backwards to get an indication of their approval. Guys have been going though great pains to be accepted, and hopefully liked by her. She had to put very little, if any effort into always having a guy at her beck & call. Sure she keeps her looks in order, but she doesn’t have to invest in the interactions to feel like she has won the whole game.
You know girls like sex. You know that we want more those things we cannot have. We want most those things we almost can have but not quite yet. A girl is actually happier when she is chasing a guy she likes since she never has to do that. Girls are humble creatures by nature. They won’t make a big deal getting things started with a guy, but once a guy gets things rolling and she is comfortable enough, she will chase with hopes higher than that of a dog at a cookout.
So both the guy and the girl are actually happier, from start to every step of the way along the process, when she is chasing him. Once I realized this from much trial and record I went through, it dropped any feeling that this might not be the right dynamic to pursue.
I don’t like the thought of underhanded manipulation in any way. There actually was quite a famous pickup guru that along with his misogynist indications, he always seemed like he was skilled in tricking girls to sleep with them so he could drop them at the curb. I didn’t like that. I grew up with a single mother and have enormous respect for women. Many women and girls have been a huge part of my life, my whole life.
But this whole dynamic was actually what women enjoyed, so I pursued learning more.