Although I have a bunch to share on all different levels of LMR, in different situations, let me start with this:
3. The third drove to my house from over an hour away to spend the night. As she laid in my bed, she interrupted my kissing her neck to say, “If you trying to get it in, it’s not gonna work.”
She drove the hour to get to you. She planned on spending the night. Not only has she invested the hour driving, she planned on sleeping over. The sex was prevalent in her mind already and another good place to capture the frame.
Staying with ‘Observation without evaluation’ of the facts on the table to what you say out loud makes it easier.
All you were doing was kissing her neck and SHE jumped things to sex. Instantly I would have read what she said as obvious as what she implied.
She interrupted my kissing her neck to say, “If you trying to get it in, it’s not gonna work.”
Reply: “Whoa missy, slow it down. All we’re doing is playfully kissing and all you can think about is sex. I am not that easy, I was just enjoying your neck.”
I like to get girls very worked up, very aroused, then stop for a break while it sinks in. This gives her desire a chance to build up incredibly. everything that was happening has a chance to soak in, now the absence of it shows her what she like better. Maybe I can see she is getting wicked aroused from just kissing her neck so I will return the arousal I am getting for her showing I am aroused too but then I stop and stand up.
“I’m getting a glass of water, do you want one?”
Usually she staring at me with shocked, pie plate eyes, maybe she beckons me to come back to her. “Ok, in a minute, I’ll be right back.” She see a great discipline in this and feels her desire to spite the man’s discipline.
When I come back, I would maybe sit in a nearby chair finishing my water, chatting about another silly subject. Then when I come back to her, the desire has grown enough to want me back in bed with her emphatically.
This shows a great discipline and that while she is in those high moments, she could lose your direct interest in escalating as much as she has.
Usually at the first sign of any LMR from a girl, I will stop the make out right away and move to do something else. I will frame her as the one pursuing escalations and show her that by stopping the momentum, she may lose it all in those moments.
With any type of LMR comment, I just agree with her: “Totally. You are going way to fast for me, you just had me lost in the moment for a second. Thanks for reminding me. ” and I stand up to check my email or something. Then I show her, she was one going too fast and ‘almost had me going further than I want yet’.
From that first LMR, this shows her a small takeaway to decide, that the affections she was enjoying are taken away form her resistance (which may just be her anti-slut reflex kicking in). This takeaway happens rather than a reward of a guy just trying harder. If she wants to resist this moment we are both enjoying, it will go away so if she likes what is happening she better do what she can to keep it going.
It is another great part of generating and maintaining the momentum of her doing the chasing. It is much easier to tease her to her largest orgasms when she is the one trying to escalate things to sex any time there is an intimate opportunity.
Yes a part of it is having your eyes open to looking for those incoming flirts too. Don’t worry, like any other muscle, it grows with use.
It started when I noticed these & acted upon them in my own life, but yet again I see these things happen with guys I coach all the time and I see how they don’t notice them coming at them.
With my pointing them out and their remembering the move they saw, but not understanding the signal, they identify them more as time goes on.
The second half of all of that is the clear recognition and the action upon it. It doesn’t even have to be witty or clever or anything, just responded to.
It doesn’t matter if you joking is really silly or you stutter a reply or the content of what you say to her at all. It is just responding in any way, that is all.
Then she knows you detected her flirt, and she was successful in her small coy move to get your attention. This is a time to let her have her winning glory. To reward her small moves will encourage more of them and give her those good feelings you have for then coming at you.
“I noticed you from over there & wanted to come over to see what your like. Hi, I’m (name).”
She hasn’t won all the cards because she is beautiful, you still want to see what she is like to see where things are going. By expressing this, she is most likely to be wanting to put her best foot forward, make a good impression on you to earn your liking.
Then upon a few minutes of small talk, if she does seem cool, you can say “You seem to have a really fun energy, we should totally trade contact.”
This gives her the opportunity to participate in the direction, be it number, email or Facebook which doesn’t really matter, since this info trade is simply to hang out later.
If she doesn’t suggest a type, it is easy enough to pull out your phone right after saying this and asking how she spells her name.
Understanding both sides of the[private] fight or fight reflex starts by calling fear to be ‘courage.’ I thought about it different ways like that. Naturally we all have, in our biology, something that has been referred to as a ‘flight or flight’ response. That being the case, that is all the feeling in my chest was and can be identified with. Initially it was a feeling that was not defined in my head to what it was. When we as human beings have these sorts of feelings that we don’t understand, we do what is necessary to make them go away.
The easiest way, which many of us do before we learn the other side of it, is to do something that makes the feeling go away. In this case this would be avoiding the approach. The feelings subsides and we have relief, therefore we do the same thing next time since this is what we learned will reward us (by making the feeling go away). On the other side of this coin, is that it goes away with the opposite response too (of approaching her), yet the opposite response can bring us some bonuses.
Back when I first noticed this feeling in myself and saw my first reaction was to avoid the interaction & I identified the result. I asked myself “I enjoy social interactions, why would I avoid this?” and I went on to take action to change my habit. Every time that feeling would hit me, I would work with it and walk towards the people I saw, thinking of a nice greeting for that particular moment.
After some time went by with me taking those same actions consciously (walking toward them) every time I felt a feeling, some new habit started to form within me. I didn’t realize it at first since those feelings didn’t come to me every time a similar situation happened but when I did; I was consciously taking the action that opposed my first instinct…which was to avoid the people. My conscious action had me directing my steps to make sure I had an opportunity to greet them in some way and start a conversation. Then there came a point when I saw my ‘conscious competence’, my new habit of knowing what I wanted to do and doing it, turning into ‘unconscious competence’.
Yes, exactly! Every one does grow higher and faster and in a more enjoyable way working in the positives. We also have the driving factors that motivate our behavior…i.e. Taking actions that avoid negatives versus taking actions that are pursuing positives.
While it is much more productive and leads to higher successes to be taking actions to be pursuing positives, these also don’t lose momentum the way the other side does. On the positive side, the pleasure of successes further motivates to continue while motivating a person to continuously set higher goals.
The ‘avoiding negative’ structure has a person to stop pushing once they feel the negative has been avoided.
Why it is more enjoyable is all the feelings that come from imagining the successes, each step further in the direction and the glory felt achieving every mini goal within a larger one.
The reason, I had to switch for a brief moment to the negative was for a quick contrast. Before that I given you dozens of different positive reinforcements. These were structures for positive self-reinforcements, literally laying out of the ‘truth without observations’ to help extinguish any limiting beliefs that the mind makes up without facts to back them up and tools to use right away that left no negative result to be expected. Also much of these, I explained in different ways to help make them more clearer in that present moment.
Between each of those I tried to push you into immediate action. The highest amount of learning happens when you are in the experience yourself, having real ‘speed-of-life’ results to be in that you can grow from each time. Each time I tried to push you, you would actively search for a way to avoid it. That is how a limiting habit starts to form. You make excuses. Then for your mind to avoid any cognitive dissonance (which is being debated within a person subconsciously as well), your mind makes you take the actions to back up what you just said, leading to less action in that particular case.
Your lack of action, in the moment led me to give you a new example, tool, re-enforcement to use as fuel to get up and take action. You would reply with a new excuse of why you were not taking the action. Then your mind would justify it by backing up what you just said by limiting you action to have it congruent with what you just told me (and heard yourself say out loud).
Out loud. You see that is part of the reason I have you state things out loud in their most beneficial way.
There is not a person in the world that we believe more than ourselves. Once we are saying things, first in out head, then hearing ourselves say it out loud, we start to believe it more than anything else that comes our way.
So the pattern was happening like this. We would discuss some things to get you ready. What to say, why it is a ‘same or better’ only type of result to expect in the situation, positive reinforcement, structure for what to do for some self positive reinforcement. Then I would direct you to get up and take steps. You would give me excuse why you would not. your mind would make you not take the actions to justify what you said.
If you take the actions I direct you to, right away, all of the preceding things gets a reward from you taking the actions. You are then in a conversation that anything good can now happen. That is reward, reinforcing you taking the positive actions then getting a small reward for doing so.
But you were still not taking the actions I would direct you too, ((which is the first absolute necessity for quickest successful results to start happening)) for you getting the dramatic improvement and results I know you will be getting. I know this from years of doing this, with years of study related to social psychology, experimentation in millions of ways, studies throughout learning/memory branch of psychology and endless amount of hours observing real world actions/results.
After seeing the pattern starting to form that way (reward for negative action) I had to stop it in its tracks. I was giving you tools, quick state improving exercises and directions of what to do in that exact moment.
In response to that, you were making excuses, then taking action to back up your claim. By me giving you those positive reinforcements, and self positive reinforcements after the first run, your mind was getting a reward in a different way for not taking the action.
The positive reinforcements generate good feelings within us. That is a great thing to do right before opening a set, we come in with a great state. Although your mind was getting a reward on a small scale, that is less rewarding than what is available throughout a conversation with a new girl ….but it is a reward no less. If we continued to do this, it would be rewarding a pattern in you that does not get real life positive results with the girls.
At that point the pattern had to broken to get any actions from you happening. I had to disrupt the pattern and mix up a few things to start a new one before that one went on any longer. First I stand up to see if you model what I did (which you did at first) then directed you to take the steps again. Now that you are standing, you can just walk over. …But you did not.
I first picked up the glass of water as I stood up. This was for me to take a sip if you just started taking the steps over to the girls but also to have it in my hand if you did not.
Since you did not start taking steps, you started making more excuses and re-justifying your lack of action.
I had to do something else to break the pattern. That is when I held it over your head, telling you I was about to pour. Logically, I would not really pour water on your head but I had to have you actively imaging that happening for it to be breaking the previous thought/action patterns that were happening in your mind.
You were imagining what would happen, how bad it would be for me to pour water on you in that situation and understanding the reasons why it would happen, your lack of action.
This was the introduction of a contrast happening in the mind. Once you had that fully thought of, the other side of the equation, I could quickly switch back to examples of reward of taking action…or contrasting it again with actions on the positive side.
To get the reward quickly seen coming from action within your mind (without you hesitating again on the old pattern) and avoid the possibility of you hesitating again, I had to open that first set of girls and introduce you in. For it to work, you need to have the time sequence of action to reward come quickly, especially right at first to get the ball rolling….to generate the momentum in the right direction.
Now although I can do those things of breaking patterns within a mind to install or establish new patterns right away (thank my experiences with Anthony Robbins foundation when I lived in San Diego in 99) the real magic in the attraction/seduction/pickup comes after this. All the good stuff I love to teach best happens after the open.
That being said, when I give you directions, I need you to take them. That way I can give you further tools to direct interactions to their best possible places. You can trust that from the amount of experience, I have seen a million things done in all sorts of ways and will be directing you in the ways to get you your best results. When I tell you to open a set of girls and then roll right from that one to the next group nearby, you need to open the set of girls and then walk over to the second set to open them as well.
Since I explained to you exactly what to do more than once (since you were trying to over-intellectualize your way out of it), I had you repeat back to me what you would be doing to make sure you were clear, which you did several times. Repeating that back out loud is great. It makes a comitment in our mind that is harder to forget
From that point I need you to be taking the steps you just told me you would be taking, not back to our table after you just open the first set. This was the previous (negative) pattern trying to get some of that feeling of reward on the tiny scale again without the actions being taken. It wanted more reinforcement without actions taken to earn it.
None of what you did was a mistake, per se. You see that because of it, what can be identified quickly from as to keep it from happening again. Once I can show you what was going on & with that identification to be clear in your mind, you too are in a better place to avoid it from happening again. When I give you instructions, I need you to take them so we can get to the best, most effective, faster result generating stuff as soon as possible. This is what you would want & what I do want the most… to have you getting those dramatic results quickly.
You know my biggest love in all of this is to see the dramatic results in the guys I help. I know what steps need to be taken to get those results but I need a guy willing to take the steps. Don’t worry, along with what happened last night, there are many other ways to install productive habits and positive/productive thought patterns over previously repeated negative ones. Approach anxiety will come up a bunch of different ways, it still happens in many seasoned guys so there are dozens of ways to extinguish it quickly (or use it to your advantage) and just keep rolling.
Those feelings can be used for what they really are in their best ways. The fight/flight instinct can be used to fuel your best wit to come out, your sharpest calibration, your best game to flourish…you just have to seize it as soon as it comes up to direct it to those places for what you want to happen anyways. By sitting there & avoiding action, it becomes the fright reflex in your body… If in the exact moment you feel it, that you start taking those steps toward the cause of the feelings, they will be motivating those best qualities in you to be at their highest.
Which ever way you go with it at it’s first indication of being in you, that will grow. Similar to “assume the best and you will get closest to the best, but assume the worst and you will get closest to that too” as in what is going on within yourself and what responses you are getting from girls…but yes that is a whole other chapter so I will go into those when you are taking the steps that get you to those situations as they arise.
You are paid in full so far as we agreed to exchange of time for time…this next part is just an explanation of what happens:
(((( Another reason I charge, even the minimal amounts as I do compared to what I put into it all… for putting in so much work into committed blocks of time is that once guys are ready to take all the steps I direct they hire me for a chunk. This not only shows me their commitment is as high as mine for seeing that dramatic progress in their life, this reinforces the commitment within them. This reinforced commitment pushes the action in of itself, which works best for both of us involved.
I see all the time the differences in taking the steps needed to make major things happen. Once a guy invests some money for my time, he does everything necessary to get the most of his money. Since I am already putting more time into them outside of the chunk we set up and do put as much as possible into the time to maximize its effectiveness, I feel we are more on the same plane of amount of effort put in and desire to see the results possible. ))))
((((Even when it came to the guy we had spoke about that I recently worked with for those dramatic results, there was a switch, an increase in motivation for that reason. Although we first started a bunch of months ago, at first that also was just a trade of time for time like you & I are doing.
I don’t know much about video editing, so he was helping me put together an audition video for a project I was asked to be a part of from a casting company.
From our beginning stuff, he saw what was possible in the progress from the starter seeds I gave him. It wasn’t until a month or 2 ago he decided to sign on for chunks of my focused time. . That is when we could both put our ‘all’ into everything we do together and he started getting much more major results of girls asking for his number, asking him for dates, kissing him in clubs and phucking after a few hours.))))
There are other ways to seize our internal motivation and cancel our outcome dependency or goal driven nature to let our whole mind be more ok with just working on the process and the steps between it. This is much better than our mind wanting perfect results every time. When our internal mind can take this off its priority list, our behaviors are much more attractive to women in the subtle things they can detect about us.
Next time we go out together I can show you how one of these structures works. That is a way, to get our mind focused on something other than wanting a specific result from an interaction before we are in it. This also helps to snuff out the approach anxiety since our subconscious has a different goal point in mind. It keeps our conscious thoughts from caring what really happens in any interaction we are in.
Having those to factors canceled, we find we are well into a conversation before we even realize to decide if we want to hang out with the girl again. It makes it much easier to decide on a case by case basis depending on the girl spoken with, to decide if she is cute, there is chemistry whatever….also is much easier to be planting those seeds to get her chasing when we really don’t care if she like us or not in a romantic way.
“Let d’Adventure Continue”
~C.J. ‘The Siege’
** [[Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance. They do this by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and actions.[2] Dissonance is also reduced by justifying, blaming, and denying. It is one of the most influential and extensively studied theories in social psychology.
People are biased to think of their choices as correct, despite any contrary evidence. This bias gives dissonance theory its predictive power, shedding light on otherwise puzzling irrational and destructive behavior.
A classical example of this idea (and the origin of the expression “sour grapes”) is expressed in the fable The Fox and the Grapes by Aesop (ca. 620–564 BCE). In the story, a fox sees some high-hanging grapes and wishes to eat them. When the fox is unable to think of a way to reach them, he surmises that the grapes are probably not worth eating, as they must not be ripe or that they are sour. This example follows a pattern: one desires something, finds it unattainable, and reduces one’s dissonance by criticizing it. Jon Elster calls this pattern “adaptive preference formation.”[1] (en.wikipedia.org)]]
Is expressing thanks a powerful motivator or just a social nicety?
[haiku url="http://www.adventuresofattraction.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/gratitude-post22.wma" title="Click here to hear passage"]
According to positive psychologists, saying ‘thank you’ is no longer just good manners, it is also beneficial to the self.
To take the best known examples, studies have suggested that being grateful can improve well-being, physical health, can strengthen social relationships, produce positive emotional states and help us cope with stressful times in our lives.
But we also say thank you because we want the other person to know we value what they’ve done for us and, maybe, encourage them to help us again in the future.
It’s this aspect of gratitude that Adam M. Grant and Francesca Gino examine in a series of new studies published recently in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Grant & Gino, 2010).
They wanted to see what effect gratitude has on the person who is being thanked. Does it motivate and, if so, is it just by making people feel good, or is it more than that?
Double the help
In the first study 69 participants were asked to provide feedback to a fictitious student called ‘Eric’ on his cover letter for a job application. After sending their feedback through by email, they got a reply from Eric asking for more help with another cover letter.
The twist is that half of them got a thankful reply from Eric and the other half a neutral reply. The experimenters wanted to see what effect this would have on participant’s motivation to give Eric any more help.
As you might expect, those who were thanked by Eric were more willing to provide further assistance. Indeed the effect of ‘thank you’ was quite substantial: while only 32% of participants receiving the neutral email helped with the second letter, when Eric expressed his gratitude, this went up to 66%.
How gratitude works
The idea that saying thank you makes people more likely to help in the future is unsurprising, although the 100% increase is interesting, but what the researchers were interested in was why this happens.
Perhaps Eric’s gratitude made people feel better, or at least less bad? Or perhaps saying thanks boosted the helper’s self-esteem, which in turn motivated them to help again.
In fact the experimenters found that people weren’t providing more help because they felt better or it boosted their self-esteem, but because they appreciated being needed and felt more socially valued when they’d been thanked.
This feeling of social worth helps people get over factors that stop us helping. We are often unsure our help is really wanted and we know that accepting help from others can feel like a failure. The act of saying thank you reassures the helper that their help is valued and motivates them to provide more.
Pass it on
The researchers then wondered whether this effect would extend to other people. Would Eric’s thanks make participants more likely to help a different person?
In a second study Eric’s thanks (or lack of thanks in the control condition) was followed, a day later, by an email from ‘Steven’ asking for similar help. The percentage who offered to help Steven was 25% when they had received no gratitude from Eric, but this shot up to 55% when they had been thanked.
So the boost to participant’s social worth carried over from one day to the next and from one person to the next. Although the overall percentages were slightly lower, Eric’s gratitude still doubled the number of people willing to provide help.
In a third and fourth study the researchers tested their findings face-to-face rather than over email. They reached similar conclusions, with increases in prosocial behavior of 50% in the third study and 15% in the fourth study. These lower percentages show that the effect of gratitude on motivation depends on the situation.
Now, these studies mostly looked at the situation where strangers help each other. It’s likely that the effect of a thank you on prosocial behavior is more powerful on people we don’t know, because strangers are more cautious about helping each other in the first place.
Thank you!
Since, for most of us, expressing our thanks is an everyday occurrence, we tend to think nothing of it. But psychologically it has a very important role to play for both the person giving and the person receiving.
All four studies reveal that gratitude is more than just a social nicety, or a way of making the helper feel good; it reassures others their help was actually appreciated and it encourages further pro-social behavior.
So, a big public thank you to Adam M. Grant and Francesco Gino for this enlightening study, hopefully there’s more to follow.
Start by looking carefully at the person you are meeting. Notice any unusual items such as the person’s manner of talking, or physical features, etc.
Listen carefully to the person’s name and if unsure what you heard, ask the person to spell it. Sometimes I simply repeat the name as if I am test-driving the pronunciation. With some names I may just repeat it because it sounds nice, it is a nice name. They are hearing me play with the pronunciation and will correct me if I don’t have it right. This repetition helps too.
The sound of person’s own name is better than the finest music to their ears. Hearing it spoken off your lips already is doing things to increase rapport and generate those liking feelings for you from a new person. The most effective way I have found to remember a person’s name is to say it at least three times at the beginning of a conversation.
“Yes Erica that is a good point. What I also thought was…”
“If what you’re saying is true Erica, then how would you explain the…”
“Ok Erica, let me ask you this…”
Take a mental picture of the person and the name in your mind’s eye. Sometimes I take a first letter of their name and find the place on their face that is shaped like that. If their name starts with an ‘M’ maybe I can see an ‘M’ in the shape of their eyebrows. If it starts with a ‘D’, maybe I see a ‘D’ in the shape of their mouth and the smile line up their cheek. Whatever it may be this is another way to help solidify a person’s name to their actual face making it come to you more quickly the next time you see them.
I am going to touch upon a part of the brain called: ’Broca’s Region’ before I decide how I am going to tell you the applicable stories to it. This part of the pain is a mechanism that decides when something has become predictable it gets out of our conscious attention and [private] pushed into our psychological background. It does this since it does not require our attention anymore. If you stay predictable, her brain decides her attention doesn’t need to be on you anymore.
In order to stay interesting to your self and the people you are in contact with, it is best to stay as naturally unpredictable as you were born.
A man is strong and reliable with plenty of integrity. An interesting man has these qualities along with being unpredictable, full of interesting conversation and actions. When girls have the feeling that they never know what you’re going to do next it turns out that they really want to know and consistently thinking about you.[/private]
…I usually do that early in the night for a couple of reasons.
First, this lubes up the social muscles very well, desensitizing you to any anxiety or care about rejection. It becomes wicked easy just to keep starting conversations with all sorts of people. If any interaction turns out to be not what you like, it is easy to not care about any outcome with one girl, there are plenty you have rapport with in that one place on that night.
Once you start a conversation with one group, it is easy to roll out on a good note “I have to touch base with some people; I will come back in a few to chat.” Then you can roll out of that group of girls and walk directly over to another group of girls. The new girls just saw you walk from another group of girls so this shows you are the sociable guy that women like. The last girls watch you walk into the new set which they are assuming are people you are ‘touching base’ with and it looks as you have already known them.
This indicates a ‘pre-selection value’ to both groups of girls. Now being the sociable guy, it is easy to open some more groups and then come back to groups you have previously opened. As the night goes on, rolling in and out of groups starts to feel like you were already friends, to them and to you. As the night goes on, you are not the clingy guy hoping for some validation from some girls who are talking to, you are the guy who brings a group to a high point of laughing or comparable high, then rolling out leaving them to want more.
Next time you roll back in, they will be trying a little harder to keep you around this time, they don’t want you to leave…they just want some more high points.
Since you have met several groups of people, it is great to be introducing them to each other. “I want you to meet my friends, they will love you.” Yes you just met them, but they are now your friends. As I am introducing groups to each other, I will probably mention a thing or two about each person I learned about “…and this is Lisa who is a yoga instructor in Cambridge..” Since these types of comments get the new people talking to each other with a subject underway.
As the night goes on, and not being the clingy guy but the guy they try to keep around with their group, you get a sit of selection to which girl you want more with. You are not settling for the girl who will come home with you, you are choosing which one you like best. You can shoot lots of subtle feeler questions to each girl you are interested in “What are you doing after the bars close?” to see if she has plans, has to work early tomorrow, or what details let you know useful info.
When we walked back in the bar from the patio, there were two girls standing in the aisle, talking to each other. I simply walked over to them, put my hand to hold an arm of each of them and ask: “Are you guys doing alright, having a good time? Do you have everything you need?” They had big smiles to tell me they were. “Ok good, enjoy yourself.”
So maybe they assumed it was my club or I worked there & was just checking on them, that’s fine. I didn’t say I was with the club, I was just asking if they were having a good time. I left a sleight indication that if they weren’t having a good time, I would see what I could do. That is all totally true.
The vodka chick
Usually I probably wouldn’t suggest walking over right before we were leaving to ask her for a number. I would have suggested you make the suggestion mid conversation, in the moment. In that type of dynamic, I was merely observing you, for notes to give you after since I couldn’t so much tell you that in the moment.
Hired guns will have a standard of polite behavior that is a part of her job. What I saw, was her increasing her interest in you significantly as your conversation progressed. This was more than standard ‘polite to customer’ behavior. As you were joking and showing her tricks and switching subjects in the conversation, her attraction was raising. She was touching you more & the frequency was building up through your conversation. She did have to keep bouncing around the bar every so often to do her promo things, but one of those last times she was standing next to you, her frequency of touching you turned into her leaning over and kissing you on the cheek. She is merely a promo girl, that move was WAY above any necessary ‘polite to customer’ move.
The lap dance comment
I was using this first set to show you that something a little bit outrageous & out of context can be said & the girl doesn’t get offended, just playful. Almost anything is ok
As you get better at watching the women you are talking to and detecting how their feeling and such, you’ll be able to go much further. Things like good timing of when to [private]turn your back on her and engage you attention into something else for a bit. This is great when you detect sparks of attraction in her before they are explicit enough. Just in the moment when she feels emotionally stimulated or in need of validation, it is time to turn away slightly, causing her to lean in a little more. Attraction is just a tool to use. When she pulls you back, you can subtly reward her with a touch on the arm or showing in a subtle way that you are interested in her.. If you can tell her attraction for you has jumped, you can turn your back on her a moment. As you come back, if you go to kiss her, you will see she is more likely to accept the kiss.
“I never learn a thing when I talk about myself. Tell me a thing that makes your toes curl. What do you really desire more than anything. Tell me something that noone else knows about you. What’s the most unusual place you’ve hooked up with a guy? How about with a girl?!? If you were writing cosmo tonight, how would you describe your sexual fantasies?”
Like a cat, you need to keep attention and validation slightly out of the girl’s reach. If she finds everything, to be too easily acquired from you, she will get bored and quickly lose interest. On the other hand, if it feels completely unobtainable she will also lose interest and give up, go on to do something else. You keep these things, just barely out of her reach but continuously entice her in small increments.
Another way to begin the momentum of her curiosity is to pick something about her. Then say “You know what they say about women who….****.” (Whatever I can see about her). But I don’t tell her, I just look at her in a knowing way.
Like sometimes when I am talking to a girl and I pick something she has said with “YOU’ SUCH A Girl.” They’ll be asking what/why but I just smirk at them and turn my head away from them. It will emotionally frustrate them but in a good teasing way. That kind of playful emotional frustration that can lead them to chasing a guy they like.
“If I didn’t have to split now, I’d stay around & make out with you but I gotta go.” Usually gets a funny weird enough reaction. I have seen more than once a girl will use topics very detached from this to keep me hanging around a bit. Once I see this happening, I know I am in a sweet spot.
A girl’s emotional mind really wants to tame a wild guy. Someone who is unpredictable and surprising, who she has to work for, that she could lose at any moment.
When you hear those feeler ‘qualifying questions’ from a girl to you, mark it in your mind is a good sign. She is interested in you enough to want to know more and see more of what you’re like. She might say “So what do you do” as with all the questions, especially the qualifying ones, I use these as opportunities to joke or tease with her. You have her undivided attention; play with it a little bit like she is your little sister. If she asks me “So CJ, what do you do” I might tell her “I’m an ice sculptor. Last night I perfected the cube. You wait; with this tray I’ll be doing 12 next week.” Now I’m not saying you never tell her. I just put it off for the time being in the beginning. There will be an automatic stereotype of some sort attached to every profession there is. By deflecting for the time being avoids this and more indicates your likelihood for joking and being playful AND this also shows that earning her acceptance is not on your list. You know how cool you are, you have no need to give her your verbal resume. I do eventually tell her one of two ways. If she asks a second time in the conversation it shows she is really interested. I may tell her then jump to a story of what I wanted to be when I was a little kid, This is giving her the factual information she wants, still maintaining a better fun theme to what you guys are talking about.
The other thing I may say with many questions I am asked. “Don’t worry, we’ll get to that” sort of thinking. I make a mental bookmark in my head about something she inquired about. Then later after we have continued our current threads of conversation and topics have changed, maybe I bring it back up “You asked before about…”. By doing this, she will feel like she was better listened to. You came back to the point. Still, even at this point, I most likely will let her know what she wanted to know then segue it in a topic that is more fun anyway.[/private]
You are a strong man. Someone who lets themselves feel and react to weak emotions is like Play-doh to [private] the world. This is not a way you’d like to appear, this is not the impression you want a nearby girl to have of you. There’s never any reason to express anger with a girl. You can be firm in how you see things. You can be direct in what you like and dislike. There is no reason for anger or rage. Ever.
To be the man who is faced with extreme reasons for anger to happen it stays calm through all of it shows enormous strength.[/private]
There are two keys in accomplishing this. Knowing what you now know you can use these two keys to instigate almost any change you could imagine in your life. The first brings motivation (it is similar to the pain / pleasure principle). The second makes it a lot easier to follow through. The two key are this: [private]
1. Know what you want MORE. Sure I would like to eat that burger now, but it will really bring me more pleasure, in the long run, to not eat it now. I really want to be healthy MORE than I want that burger.
Now this has to be true for it to work. Do you really, really want to be healthy? Thin? If yes, then considering what you want more, in the moment of deciding, makes it a lot easier to make the right decision.
2. Now that you know your brain is hard-wired for what it thinks is best for you, but it really hasn’t “kept up with the times”. You can relax about it. You don’t have to beat yourself up for being weak, or stupid. You can tell your brain “thank you for looking after me, but I know an even better way”.
That last sentence might seem a bit weird to you… “Thanking your brain”. It might seem simplistic and stupid, but here’s the thing: It works.
Why does it work? Because you do not have to fight yourself anymore.
It releases stress.
You don’t have to feel like your tugging in two different directions… (Like one person said on the blog: there is me, and then there is my brain, and I say we eat something healthy, but my brain says it wants to eat junk food). You know that “you and your brain” really want the same thing… to keep you alive, healthy and well, and that your brain is trying to make you do pleasurable things because, historically, those were the healthy things do to.
You can tell your brain: “thanks, but let’s try it this way today…”
You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes. If you actually try it.
So how do you thank your brain?
It’s easy. Just say it, out loud or just think it. Just say: “thank you brain. You are doing your best. I am grateful for that. Now let’s try this way instead”.
And your brain will say: “okay”.
After that, every time you make the right decision, it will become easier. You get some traction, some momentum. And after a few weeks, you’ll have created new pathways in your brain, ones that actually make it easier for you to make the right decision than the wrong one.
Here’s what to do next: TRY IT!
Decide on a habit you want to change, and the next time you feel the urge, ask yourself what you want more…. Then thank your brain for looking after you, and tell it it’s time to try something new. [/private]
, what is easy and brings her back up to playful vibe: “Ah, getting feisty eh? You know what I would [private] do?!? I’d dress you up in a red PVC devil outfit. Complete with the horns like things and a tail…and some bitch boots with a pitchfork…and your friend here. She’s nice. I’d dress her up in a similar but angel outfit with wings and a furry halo. I’d roll with you guys, one on each arm down the street. Every girl would be jealous of you and every time I was to make a decision…I’d let each one of you fight over which decision is the most fun. Whichever is the most fun, we’d do that. [/private]
“Look, you may not see me as Mr. Right, but if you are nice, I may just be ‘Mr Right Now’.”
The reason I hardly use anything like that is because of the truth of the matter. Sure a woman’s good looks can catch my attention, but it takes much more than that for her to be able to hold it. [private]I have dated plenty of models, strippers and perfect 10s. But, if she is boring, psycho or another version of the crazy cat lady, I have better ways to spend my time. I may subtly indicate something about her has caught my attention, but clearly letting her know I want to know more.
Not only does this qualify the type of high quality woman I want in my life, a woman values what she has caught with the essence of her personality much more than what her good looks (thank her parents) will get her.
It is another part of generating her to be chasing you from the first moment. A woman isn’t about to chase a guy she thinks she has won over because she had some genetic perfection. She is going to work at getting and having the man that her conscious actions and behaviors have earned her. By this, she knows that she can continue her good behavior to keep him around even when she is sick in bed and can’t pretty-up for the day.[/private]
As I’ve said before a single body language cue cannot tell you much but when several cues are all occurring at the same time that have similar meaning, a summary/conclusion can be drawn from this. Great benefits from understanding body language happen when you choose to use more of your own body language to express yourself. Research has shown that nonverbal signals can carry up to five times as much impact as the words spoken. Women especially, frequently roll on the [private]nonverbal messages that they see and hear, often times disregarding the words spoken.
Much of what your body language is doing has to be congruent with what you are saying & how you feel or else most women are able to read the conflict. Knowing the body language cues is very helpful though, since most men aren’t very expressive with their body language by knowing the cues you can turn up the volume of the messages you are sending.
When it comes to the handshake, many men grow up believing a firm one is the only way to go with everybody. In man to man interactions, the integrity and dominance are judged by the handshake. However, with a woman it is a totally different story, many men will still use their ‘firm handshake’ (sometimes too firm) when meeting a woman.
What I have found, in the subtle differences starts with a woman’s perception, is a few changes will establish a few things in her mind about you. Women are not as accustomed to the regularity of handshaking for meeting new people as men are. When it does happen I usually start with a firm (not too firm, just solid contact, all the way around) handshake to her to have the solid essence of my personality. Since there is no need to express dominance on a first meet up with woman (that may come later), I tilt my hand a bit so her hand is in my hand yet on top of mine. This lets her feel safe with the first meet up and since her hand is resting in mine, I do not pull my hand back. I keep talking and let her hand stay in mine as long as she wants to leave it there. She can have comfort in our physical contact and if we keep talking she usually leaves it there a bit longer than handshake might last, indicating to me a pleasant reception.
During a first handshake, I already know that I am the man, the dominant gender of our species. I may later make moves and have statements to remind her of this dominance that she can feel safe in, yet during a first meeting it is already pre-defined.
I also like to see, by the maintained conversation and maintained eye-contact, her feeling no pressure to pull her hand back. I think the extended eye-contact is another factor that she likes yet doesn’t want to interrupt it by pulling her hand back. On first meeting, this alone establishes a lot of comfort with touching and the extended eye contact builds up the sexual tension.[/private]
with her she may give you an insulting response or an angry stare. No matter what, stay strong. This is just another form of the chick’s test.
She may do this to see if you retreat, apologize and slot yourself into the category with all the other wusses she has met before you.
What will attract her the most is standing strong, with no surrender. It’s a joke for cripes sake, can’t she take those?
I may get confused at first since I thought she was bright and would get the joke. I am never apologetic or defensive about having upset her. Her mood will quickly change when she sees that I am not trying to offend anybody, I’m just teasing.
Since she will look insecure if she can’t take a joke, this tension will get her start to smile and laugh. That self confidence will spark the magic feelings of attraction.
There will be times when you are talking to a girl and there are issues that generate a deep rapport for you to share together. That can be good in all, but remember you just met this girl.
When it comes to people you have just met, a great way to connect is [private] establishing and maintaining more of a wide rapport,on many subjects. This is when you have many different subjects that you agree on. This is when you have many perspectives that you see eye to eye on. These are the types of people we end up meeting and feeling like we have known forever.
With all people many factors that started in our childhood never changed throughout our adulthood. We still do still operate on the award/punishment scales. Is she laughing at your jokes? It is time to reward her in some way. Show her you like this. Is she being offhandedly affectionate? There is another time to offhandedly reward her and indicate that you enjoy her.
When you first meet a girl, be it online or in person, as with much of the dynamic, you are going to have to use your first 90 seconds to be amazing, the ‘wow factor.’ Then and still she knows more about what you have to offer to the interaction, and about you as a person, you will have to take out 85 – 90% of the conversation space. (Remember girls hate silences, at first they are all uncomfortable).
As you to get to know each other then the scales seem to even out. My favorite place which you can discover as she tells you more about herself, is when she is taking up most of the talking time and you were just listening. I personally like to listen very much. I learned a lot about people in those places.
As I am listening I am making little notes in my head of topics to revisit and which ones she seems most passionate about that would be fun to talk about in more detail at a later time.
She starts out with such a small percentage because she is warming up to you and learning about your personality. Women are born social creatures. Much of this comes from learning about a person one is speaking with an identifying the points of rapport. She’s also learning which topics and styles seem to get her the most conversational reward as she shares her stories with you.
Guys who do not put this extra effort into a conversation with a girl they just met, I often see them letting it fizzle out and then walking away feeling like they were not liked. This definitely may not be the case and probably isn’t if you were trying to go 50/50 on the conversational talk time. Guys go on to think that a girl did not like them. This could be absolutely the opposite of the case, yet her natural womanly behaviors keep things this way until they are not, when she feels comfortable opening up more to you. I hate to hear guys are thinking that their opener was not clever enough.
The opener is nothing my friend. It is merely a spark to the fire of conversation, to get it going. It is the fire. It is what happens after that initial introduction that decides the connection between two people. (As a side note, I was recently talking to a check friend who made the point that our guy who would not be that hot in a photograph, once he gets her laughing he becomes pretty ‘smokin’.
It is what it is, but I hate to hear guys looking for that bonus prize, that ‘get me laid’ opening statement they can make to a woman. As with you, it takes something more than that which will just catch the attention, you need something that’ll hold her attention and build things up like never before. I hate to talk about these things like this so extreme, but once you’re in the essence of a moment those times will happen.
When it comes that first conversation I would suggest touching upon many different subjects. It is easy and very beneficial to keep changing the subject. You’ll see the ones that spark her up a bit. These you can amplify for a moment while noting in your head what they were. You can bring these to a high point then once you change the subject you can remember which topics to touch back upon.
By covering many different subjects throughout a first conversation you are feeling out which of the many topics you two can have rapport on and which subjects you can keep coming back to. Consistently changing topics rather than talking one to its dying day will keep you evidenced as the interesting guy you really are.
You really are. Think about it think about how many topics you do have interest in. Think about how many things really excite you. If you can briefly touch upon many of these it will do two wonderful things in an early conversation. It will show that you are a passionate guy because you keep talking about the numerous subjects you do get passionate about. Girls are very attracted to a passionate guy. Girls are very attracted to interesting guys with numerous subjects they have interest in.
Once your passion is revealed you will either see her shared passion in such therefore establishing a beginning rapport on the subject or she will just see yours. Even if she does not share the passion which you do she will admire your passion for it. Then once you have covered many topics and out of these found many that you BOTH share a passion about, you rapport is growing wide… across numerous topics. Here is how we find the type of people we can talk about anything with. I bet you can remember hearing of a girl talking about a guy she liked a lot. I bet that is exactly one thing she said about him (we could talk about anything.)
Now this is great, you can just keep talking and talking while switching and changing subjects. You just keep on talking making enough pauses to give her chances to respond. She may not, and you are not dependent on this but while doing this the second you see that something you are talking about happens to spark something in her you can clam up. Clam up so she has a chance to participate in this topic. Then you can help her to elaborate her points. You can ask for elaboration on details she mentions. While listening, it is nice to hold eye contact with a slight grin and nodding through her every word. This will tell her that you are paying good attention to her, intently listening and eager to hear her next passages. Doing this you can remain always ready to jump in and take over the conversation with points you heard and mentally bookmarked whenever needed.
As conversation is moving along you can cause new topics and ask for open-ended questions. I would suggest you commit to never asking any sort of ‘yes/no’ type of questions. With a little practice you can learn to make sure all of your questions are the open-ended type. The types that will inspire her to have long-winded answers are great. This whole time you can listen to her answer while mentally taking notes on details to ask her about.
Often girls will have to elaborate their answers to your creative questions. Other times girls may say something like: “Um… I don’t know.” This may happen because she really does not know an answer. Other times this may happen because she feels on the spot, she hasn’t gotten comfortable enough with you yet to open up and discuss things with you elaborately. Either way, you can clarify the question some.
This not only will give for a more detailed description of what you’re asking but also gives her a few moments to think about the answer to the first question you asked.
Sometimes girls need this. Whereas they might have felt to be put on the spot at first, while listening to you rephrase it they can be gathering an answer.
For example, to get to the core of our passions is often useful to look at our childhood. I may ask her something like: “Do you remember when you were a kid, what it was that you wanted to be when you grew up?”
Many times I find girls frequently do remember what this was. Maybe they love animals and wanted to be a veterinarian. Maybe they thought it would be cool if they were a nurse. If they tell me that they don’t remember I can give them an example of the type of answer I was looking for by giving them my own.
“Aw shucks (I say jokingly) that’s too bad. I find it can be pretty useful to figure out what we were thinking as kids to understand the core of our passions today. When I was in preschool, even before I could read, I still like to play as if I was reading books. The teacher’s aide told me I look like a lawyer so I was convinced her for some time that’s what I would be. I would go home and play mock trial with my parents either being a lawyer or being a judge. As I got older I never much wanted to be a lawyer but I do get a kick out of reading a lot and you find a strange fascination in the logic and reasoning that can be used in the courtroom.”
Nowas I gave my reply I gave very much into it. I was very sincere and told her about things I would play when I was a child. Sometimes by showing example, putting that ‘Umph’ into the reply will be modeling to her what you expected. Then she might be more likely to give you a more passionate answer and think some more about her own childhood.
As you are doing those things in qualifying her, once she passes the little tests you have presented it is time to seize the moment. “Oh my God, you are so cool. How can we make sure we hang out again? This is a lot of fun.”
You can even seize the moment and reward her right away. “That is so awesome!” And then pulled her close to you to kiss her on the cheek. There is never a reason to waste time. Once you detect that moment at hand it is time to seize it. Many guys a lawful themselves out of the park because of too many worry statements were second-guesses. Girls live on a moment to moment basis. When the moment is high and you guys are sharing one they love it to be seized. It feels natural. It feels like a natural connection in the moment of that connection was seized by you both.
Practice talking about racy subjects. Sexual topic should be an easy, free-flowing type of conversation that falls easily from your lips. This is showing that sex is an easy-going topic for you. This will also show that you are somewhat of a seductive person and have plenty of experience with women. They like that. It shows a skilled lover and a man who has been qualified by many girls previously. This will indicate to her that since you have been pre-qualified by many girls before her, she is less work to do. This actually is way more of a weighted qualification because girls never truly know how to properly qualify a guy. They keep trying in many different ways to cover obvious bases but there have been plenty of times before when they have done that and it not work out as they had expected.
“I am not the kind of guy that would just take a girl that caught his attention home the first night and give her a night of pleasure and continuous orgasms. I am not that easy. I see you have real potential to hold my attention but you can at least buy me a few drinks first.”
Another great way to turn up the thermostat for the heat of your interaction is simply to talk about kissing. Let’s say you been talking for five or 10 minutes and felt some genuine rapport developing between the two of you at some point when you are close in proximity during the conversation you can just ask her: “If I were to kiss you, on a scale of 1-10, how do you think I’d rate your kiss?”
At this point not only will she be trying to take pride at a presumed high score, she’s going to imagine kissing you. It will cross her mind at this point in the image is likely to pop in every so often since she started. At this time, I myself, since I was thinking about it as well, might start alternating my gaze from her eyes to her lips every so often. It might be nice to imagine what those lips taste like at this point. Because I do love the woman’s eyes sometimes I find it hypnotic to triangulate my gaze upon her. That is if you alternate from eye to other eye to her lips, this can feel very sensual just making the gaze that way. She will probably notice this too and feel sensuality from your gaze. I remember sometimes while doing this, girls have done either offhanded or explicit moves to get this happening.
Offhandedly they may just move close or get their face closer to yours. Explicitly, yet much less common and seen a girl come right in to kiss me on the lips. A few times when they had done this it seemed like they were distracted for a second as they came in for the kiss and then went on with talking as if they just had to satisfy a sudden craving distraction.
Sometimes hints may work better than anything else. Let her mind play with what you stated but then move on. There is no need to make your coy statements and then stop speaking because you’re waiting for her reaction. “I have a bottle of whipped cream in the fridge. You should come home with me and help me finish it off. The bouncer here reminds me of Jim Gaffigan.”
If you do make a statement and sort of positive her reaction, watch her carefully. If you see in her face and/or body that she isn’t heated up enough for this yet, you can take it away. “We should go back to my place and massage oil onto each other skin. I just picked up this kind that smells and tastes like mangoes.” (but if you do see her face showing anything but eager anticipation…) “No, wait a second. You are pretty tall I don’t think I have enough for your body.”
You see, before you took it away you illustrated a nice semi-sexual picture of imagery and her brain. Women love the imagination since theirs does paint magical pictures. Even if she had a bit of hesitancy to your suggestion, don’t worry, the picture will stay for a while and it will flash back every so often.
As you know, any ‘No’ she says is simply ‘No’. That’s easy. She wont even say it unless it is real But when it comes to subtle hesitations things are different, so I hate to see guys interpreting the worst out of these. If she did find a place to express her minor hesitation, like anything else, it is all a joke until it’s taken seriously. Laugh it off. Laugh heartily and then change the subject. Women are very funny like this when you don’t need to take their comments in a moment to be much at all. Many times she has many rejections. It is to satisfy her need not to look like the stereotypical ‘slut’. Most girls seem to have a need to establish themselves away from the stereotype. I think by laughing it off and not taking it seriously or personally rather, shows the insignificance you find in the stereotype anyways.
This also shows that you take any rejection towards you as kind of a joke. Since girls usually fall into your arms and you understand she is saying what needs to be said to establish herself as a non-slut, all you can do is laugh it off. You heard it, you accept it, you allow her to establish what she needs to (as not having behaviors that would classify her as a ‘slut) but still not taking it too seriously or personally.
Most of the time, I find that girls need to get their protest to be ‘on the record’. Once this is said they feel a little freer to give in to their desires and go with their attraction. I see most often that girls do not want you to stop your pursuit based on this ‘technical rejection’. Now things can go along as you both want. This is why are found laughing it off to be the easiest acceptance of it. You accept the fact she wants her minor protest to be heard but nothing more since it wasn’t an outright ‘No’..
You don’t need to have a smooth transition into some of these things. It may take some practice but often being very comfortable in a major change in tempo of the conversation you’re having can be quite charming to a girl. This can show you have major balls, which is nice.If you have the comfort to adjust the tempo of a conversation from casual then easily slipping in a sexual innuendo shows you are very confident and comfortable with your sexuality. This is very attractive.
21st century has been seen to stifle many people’s free expression of the sexuality inside of them. You don’t have to be a part of that. Being very bold when you first approached her and then bolt throw your interaction shows you are not ‘just another average guy’. Keeping the tension up, and keeping her slightly intimidated is a sweet spot for you both. When you can introduce these dramatic tempo changes to the conversation it goes to reveal that you are person who you never know what to expect from him.
After laying out somewhat of a foundation of that, let me cover a part of the ‘rejection’ topic. There really is no such thing until the woman says “No” or something of that specific nature. This is another reason why I personally prefer open-ended questions and sometimes indicating my desired intents with a statement rather than a question. When you start getting into racy topics (and other topics actually) you will see that any lack of explicit rejection is actually acceptance.
In the case of yes/no questions think of it this way, if you were to say something like: “Do you want to…” and she feels she needs to say “no” to maintain her image as proper and that is what she’ll do. This being said, if you were to say something like: “Let’s go do this…” and she has no reply than she is for the suggestion. If she is specifically and directly not for the suggestion she will go ahead and say something along the lines of indicating that she doesn’t want to or she can’t or it’s not possible for some reason.
Remember that in many cases any lack of negation to your suggestion is a girl’s way of accepting it. To make a suggestion without it being a yes/no question, you can say something like “We should go to my house to smoke hookah and get my cat to chase the laser pointer.” Or something like “We should go back to my place and watch my cat do back flips while you give me a massage.” If she says nothing then your suggestion has generally been accepted. You don’t have to consider her ‘not into it’ unless she says something like “No, that’s not a good idea” or another thing along those lines. The only other time I can think of she may indicate she is not into it if she is not his while you’re on the way were about to leave to then she may indicate it then. Otherwise she is all for it. As a standard, girls don’t normally say something like “Yeah let’s go do that.” They will go along with what they think may be fun until they don’t.
While you are having a great time enjoying each other’s company, you should just presume, as you would with any other friend that she is coming home with you. Don’t go in at all of these unspoken and unfounded expectations of negation where they’re not necessary. Do not make an issue of a non-issue.
Making these random comments with sexual undertones is a part of what I explained as foreplay and my detailed passages about sexy-time. Foreplay should not begin when you decide to get sexually intimate, as an ‘all of a sudden’ event. You should consistently be flirting and sprinkling in seductive comments throughout your conversation with a girl you have a sexual interest in. A girl’s imagination is a beautiful thing.
When our thoughts are brought to sexy places it can start her arousal and maintain it at mild levels way before any touching happens. Doing this consistently and steadily along with a slow teasing physical foreplay can bring the woman to unknown heights in their orgasm.
Girls do want a bold confident man. While many guys try to sneak their way in to an interaction with a girl with crafty, clever lines… if you just go in with your boldness this will make quite an impression in itself.
You can begin your flirting and sensuality and spoken foreplay from the very minute you say hi to a new girl. It is subtle yet this is revealing all your cards on the table in a way. Girls have been hit on since they hit puberty. There is no way for any guy to approach her with intensity in his mind and are not able to see through it. It is much easier if you just cut all of the bullshit. When I approach a girl it is no secret that she caught my attention. I am now talking with her to see what she is like, to see if she can hold my attention, to see if I want more of my time to be spent with this girl. When a guy comes up to a girl unafraid of any ‘risk of rejection’ or what have you, then all of a sudden she sees a shinier apple presented to her.
I have found it to be perfectly fine and very well accepted to have my intentions obvious. It seems like some guys are trying to sneak their way into a girl’s attention and coerce her to the bedroom without her realizing what’s going on. This does not happen, this is not seduction. Recently while at a mall with a friend of mine we decided to go into Spencer gifts. As you’re walking and my friend was telling me that the store now had quite an extensive sex toy selection.
While walking in I saw it was a cute girl was working the register that day so my first sentence to her was: “My friend tells me that this is a sex toy shop nowadays. Is that true?” With this little piece of information I was able to start our conversation on a somewhat sexual level. When she tells me the story is as I suspected I ask her to show me her collection. As we get over to the section of the store I tell her that I was curious about vibrators. I then asked her to tell me which is the best or which is the most popular. She goes on to show me the first model that she thought of. I will not ask her questions of the reasons it was supposedly better than the rest. While she was explaining its features I simply gazed upon her. I looked into her eyes, enjoyed gazing upon her face and neck and listening to the sexual topic she was describing and the sensual way she was describing it.
As she was explaining the features of this first vibrator I went on to ask her:”Does the nice sounding features of this vibrator cause a woman to lose the novelty, enjoyment of the real thing, of a real penis?” With utter sincerity, she went on to tell me with a very sophisticated sounding know-how that this absolutely was not true. “From my perspective, and understanding both, although this is very nice there is nothing like a real penis. There is nothing like skin on skin.” She was getting very sexy and describing this and seemed to want to prolong the conversation so she went and picked up a second model and describe its features. I merely listened and enjoyed the sensuality I was watching come into her as she described the sexual nature of these devices.
A girl enjoys a bold and confident man who has no qualms about touching upon the subjects because then again, by doing this you show her that the subjects are absolutely acceptable in conversations between the two of you. She will know now that she can freely express how she feels about such topics. Forget any ‘risk’ of possible rejection you are thinking. I think you should embrace and dance with these risky topics to get yourself comfortable with them and indicate to her that you are comfortable with her talking of them. Women love sex more than we men do. Once she feels she has established herself past the anti-slut protocol, and these topics have a perfect comfort ability as when shared with you, she will feel like she can enjoy you and her own sexual experience without being (looked down upon.)
I hear and see many guys who think that the minor rejections are something they earned. In essence that is really not the case. You see, women have these built-in automatic rejections to hand out to the general male crowd. Girls want to ensure they have high standards for which man they get with. If they can toss out a simple easy rejection to their approach and he drops the issue, then that was easy. She now filtered through and eliminated a weak sort of man. Girls have the negation to incoming males built-in is an automatic. They have been pursued and approached by men since puberty. Guys have whistled at them from driving by, guys have ‘Cat-Called’ them from the construction site and guys have ogled them on the beach since they grew boobies.
Get over the pride. Hearing these minor statements of rejection is really nothing. If you are subtly and not so subtly indicating your intent, you will see a few things. She will begin thinking about and imagining what sexy-time with you is like. She will see you are bold and candid and comfortable enough to be taking things all the way. And finally, somewhat based on her reaction, you’ll be able to see how much attraction has been built so you can gauge and decide your current actions with this girl and/or future actions with future prospects.
I told you that women are very much on the moment to moment basis and testing you. Personally I think of up several times I’ve stated a firm opinion on one side of the subject. The girl I was speaking with that expressed the opposite side of the same subject. I quickly acknowledged (not discrediting her point) but then went on to further illustrate the reasons why I feel the way I do. I’ve seen more than one case where a girls next comments will be those on the side of the issue that I originally expressed. seems they just throw these things out there to see the resiliance of a potential male in their world.
Life is funny, enjoy it. It is all a joke until it’s taken seriously and only take the part seriously which you wish to be a part of your world. What points a girl makes that you do take seriously is another reward in conversation that will inspire them to grow. Reward the ones that you like to have as a part of your world.
Since the best punishment from childhood on is merely ignoring, ignore all of those that you disagree with. You are merely paying attention to the ones you like therefore showing there a reason to elaborate those points. If she is getting no attention or acknowledgment about the points you don’t like she is very much less likely to elaborate on those. On the ping-pong table she got no pong to her ping.
…Anyways, it all started on my way back into Boston Common from DWTN Crossing, it was sunny, a nice day just to randomly greet people. I said ‘Hi’ to random interesting people I passed, started little 3 min convos, smiled and wave-acknowledged a bunch. I could feed the birds if….
At the moment she came into scene, I was on one side the crosswalk headed back to the commons courtyard. As I stand there, I scan everybody as I always do and I see her. She is an absolute ‘true10′ but without the ‘I hate the world’ look on her face. Out of the 15-20 people on that side of the street, she stuck out to me like a flamingo in a pack of seagulls, but she wasn’t covered in make-up. She wasn’t decked in ‘look-at-me’ clothes, just a [private]pair of jeans and a button down shirt.
That’s what caught my eye the most. She had an ‘agenda-free’ look, no expressions, no mask held up. She was a good 20 years old but had the un-city like innocence on her face. She had model beauty, but naturally.
I have my sunglasses on so I continue to look like I’m scanning as I watch her (my head slowly gazing back and forth, while my eyes were on her). If I wasn’t wearing my sunglasses, I would have checked her out in my peripheral sight while not showing that I noticed her till she was close enough to open.
You know how girls flirt subconsciously with their body language? They fix their hair, their shoes, or position their pose in an attractive way. Speaking in girl speak, I know some off handed body language motions that get them looking.
Girls do get shielded when they know guys are looking at them. When the walk light goes on I casually walk across the crosswalk but I am moving towards where I would be passing next to her.
As we pass each other, to play out as if seeming like I just noticed her, I simply smile and say ‘Hello’ and tilt my head back, greeting-ly. (tonality is key here, and have found the ‘Hello’ gets a lot more responses than the ‘Hi’ because you can draw out the elongated vowels, saying it in a slow sexy tone.)
She says “Hi’ back to me on her way past. I did a swoop around (which I hardly ever do, but she did catch my attention very well). I walk her direction and stop her just on the sidewalk where I started. We are in front of Finagle a Bagel, next to the crosswalk.
“Well, You ARE ugly…” (I said this while smirking, she definitely knows I’m joking) “…but something is drawing me to want to see what you’re like, find out more about you…HI, I’m C.j.” and I stick out my hand.
Now when I stick out my hand to shake a girl’s hand, this isn’t a business meeting. I am not trying to show her I have a firm handshake, I don’t need any alpha over tilt.
I offer her my hand, solid connection then my palm up holding hers in it. I can give her the most welcoming hand shake so she can feel most comfortable right now. She needs to have a first impression before she’ll feel safe following my lead. Or being in the tension I will be creating.
I don’t not pull my hand back after the standard amount of greeting time; it’s easy to leave it there for as long as she wants to leave hers in it. She doesn’t feel like I’m gripping, just matching her pressure. Often we pull our hand back like we do in a regular nice-to-meet you handshake. This hold open is saying to her in Body language: ‘you have caught my attention, I am still curious’ I leave my eyes mostly in hers while her hand is in mine.
We chat, most of my eye contact on her eyes with quick scans every so often, to think of things and not to seem like a staring psycho. Her hand is still in mine. I am not gripping it, I am just open handed lightly solid.
She tells me she is from Russia; I practice my single Russian phrase with her. “Kahk DeeLah” (written phonetically). We chat a little and I notice her friend is standing a few feet behind her. I can tell from this, that she would get pulled by her friend or pull herself from this to not keep her friend waiting.
I tell her of an outdoor salsa class I am headed to later; I give her the time constraint of: “Well, I was going this way…” (She just starts to slowly pull her hand out of mine), “….and I have to feed the birds…” (she didn’t notice how ‘non-pressing’ that is, time-wise.) “…but let me see your cell phone, we can talk later.”
She pulls her phone out as if she was going to punch the number in herself, but I pretended not to notice, and was holding out my hand expectantly. She finally hands me the phone.
The picture on the phone’s screen was probably why she didn’t want to hand me the phone in the first place, but I’ll get into that in a bit.
I punched in my number, called my phone, and then described to my voice mail everything I just learned about this girl in the few minutes we talked. I hang up & tell her that I will call her a little later and walk on my way.
About 30 min later, I text her saying that “I should be finished at 5:00 and will call you then.” Yes, I did text her30 min after meeting her: I planned on keeping this temperature going.
I got her flirty temperature up while we talked. I knew if I was going to manage this I’d need to keep it up. I text in 30 minutes, call an hour later about a same day event.
I know that when you text things like that, they wait and are thinking about you the whole time until you call. She also is ready to talk to you when you call, she will be a little bit more…um how could I say this?… ‘State-prepared.’
I end up getting caught up in other things when I realize it is 5:45, so I call.
I get her voicemail message. Then a recording tells me her voice mailbox is full. Ok, I carry on.
I saved my name into her phone, so if she has caller ID she’ll know that I called. If she calls back – great…. if she flakes – oh well. She caught my attention for a few minutes.
Then at 5 minutes to six I get a text from her:
She says: “Its almost 6!! ”
So I see she got my text. I am guessing she saw my call on ID, but who knows. Now she is telling me by subtext, “ok C.J., call me now, I will answer.”
I call her. I tell her about the salsa in the park and ask where she is at his very moment. She tells me she’s in the Common
“Great, I’m over by the ‘Park St’ staircase, meet me here and we’ll go over to salsa together.”
This is all part of the ‘Assume the Close’ I just told her about the event, expected she would be dying to go, and told her what to do next to come along. (To be continued)
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I was explaining this to a buddy of mine on a different situation. If she doesn’t want to go, she’ll stop things & indicate it clearly or say it clearly. There is no need to ask her anything. Just lead. If she follows – great, if not – lead to something else.
Hear what she says in words when it comes to her denials. I don’t try to read signals, and tones, and subtext unless they are compliances, unless they are the message I want to hear. Interpretations of subtext are so broad/vague. Guys are not built to read between the lines.
The only: ‘Supposed to’ to define in this interaction are the words. Meanings beyond what is said, while girls get that naturally, if you have learned this, Great. Since the interpretation is open, read the ones you want to hear. (& her seeing which ones you read is a reward to her. She will keep giving back the ones picked up on, the positive ones.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(resume)
So, I Tell her of the good time at the salsa. Then I tell her what her next step is, & that it’s easy on her part. We can go from there….
I sit on the planter next to the stair case and am going through my date book paperwork. I think she is coming with her friend. We can all go the Salsa, I can work them like a two set, and some other dance partner will keep her friend occupied.
When she comes over, She gets my attention & is by herself now. (This is a signal her interest; did she ditch her friend to hang out with me alone?)
I stand up, give her a hug, lean back while holding her arms and check her out (I look from eyes all the way to shoes, then back to eyes. My smile brightens in the scan to be brightest back into her eyes as I start a new thread)
I tell her a bunch of details about the salsa as I put my hand on her lower back to guide her to the direction of the staircase.
And I keep talking, no questions to her are needed here, I just ramble along about my day. Girls are usually nervous at the start of dates and such. They want you to be talking & keeping the spotlight off them till they warm up a bit…..this always works for me.
Don‘t worry about it, after they get talking, they love to ramble on. Then you can ask her open ended questions to keep her rambling. At this point, she’ll interrupt if she has something to tell me.
We walk downstairs to Park St. cut across underground tunnel to Downtown to grab the orange line. I body language vibe her the whole way.
I take her hand into mine (as if I am testing it, in my head) then I toss it down like it was covered in cooties. I do that as I’m talking about something else. I pay no mind to it, but it does get filed in her mind, you’ll see the expression on their faces as you get better at vibing.
As we walk, sometimes I will take her by the shoulders and move her to my right side as we walk. That is the side I prefer her on, and this keeps touching, leadership, and her compliance momentum.
I lead her to the right direction at points with my hand on her lower back. Trust me, when you do this they get the feeling of being protected. Its great touching and comfort all wrapped in one move.
As I passed other cute girls walking by, I smiled at them and said ‘hi’ to some. This reminds this Russian girl I am social to chicks. She sees girls along the way smiling at me and saying hi. These unknown girls will return ‘hi’s and smiles much better because I am walking with a girl and totally non threatening.
They don’t think they have to be defensive to my greetings. I couldn’t be hitting on them since I am with a beautiful girl. And if I was, that’s good too because I must be a prize (pre-selected) walking with her….
I know a bunch of people are thinking that these moves make a girl jealous and will screw up chances with her. Not only does it do the opposite, but has this girl earned any of my affections yet?
While waiting for the orange line, I was leaning one arm on the post and she leaned on the same post facing me, leaning her shoulder. She let her face be near mine while we were talking. She just pulled her hair out of her face, turning her head towards me but close, letting her hair fall on her face again.
I just pushed her hair back off her face, letting my fingertips slightly brush her cheek. She doesn’t break her gaze from mine or move back from my touch at all, so now I know. I let my hand find its way from her cheek and hair to the back of her neck and pulled her to me to kiss.
So I started kissing her there. One five minute open, a text, a re-meetup with a hug… a bit of touching, affection push/pull then ten minutes later a kiss. Things happen that fast when you’re plowing on in the vibe, reading and sending the signals. 93% of communication received comes with Tone, Vibe, and Body Language. It seems like a born-with skill, but this like any clever opener, can be learned and mastered.
It was all about reading her cues and vibing that got her here. If I didn’t kiss her at that moment, she could/would have blocked it later. She was in a moment I could seize.
Now we were getting on the packed train, I know she is coming along to my event. There is no need to keep her entertained, so I sit in one empty seat, she stands by the doors. We just kissed, so I’ll give her a chance to let that sink in. It is very key to give girls little breaks, little takeaways that give her the space to come to you. The break from your attentions let her have something to miss.
We get off the train & walked trying to find the salsa park.
We held hands some, like girl & guy buddies, and then I stopped and got interested in something we were passing. I came back to her to decide to kiss her after looking at her a moment. (I takeaway, then back in with a little escalate in level but then I take away again. This is great at building great tension.)
We traded stories about our life. She told me she was a model. I picked up her hands and asked her
“What, a hand model?” So then I talked about Jergen’s and nail polish ads, while she tried to correct me
“No real model!!” she said
I defended them. “That nail polish models work hard you know. They are just as hardworking as the…”
This just got her laughing and still wanting to correct me.
So we went to the park-salsa, danced a little bit, made out along the way. I would stop her along the walk for a kiss, then she would come at me when I stopped the make out early, pushing her away a little. Sometimes when it would escalate in intensity, I would push her back from then too. We’re out in the world; all I want to do out here is build up tension.
“Not here….” I said. We were on the sidewalk or leaning on a store side. “We have a dance class to get to.”
We went to the salsa for a bit, danced some. She wasn’t really into it. She sat on the bench for a while watching while I danced with the other girls. I kept an eye on her to watch if she was getting bored.
Then we bounced to Copley to walk around. We both were push/pulling the whole walk. I would wander too far ahead then she would call me back. Then she would catch up and keep walking right past me until I caught up with her.
I called her on my cell phone. She answered. I told her to stop. She did. I told her to turn around as I was walking towards her. She did that too.
But when I got to her I looked her in the eyes, held eye contact as I kept walking. I gave her a “hmmpht!’ sound for acknowledgment, joking disregard. This was all very playful, like little kids teasing to be the lead.
She followed me, asked where I was headed next. I turned around, took her hands and started talking about Copley spots like they were fun-park rides… or at least in that excitement I explained with.
We wandered around, between random make-outs, and sat on some park benches talking. At one point she pulled out her compact mirror and was checking her hair or whatever….but for way too long and rude while we’re talking.
I am not down with the vanity thing, she can hit the restroom. I also needed to pull her out of her own head. She was dreaming if she thought she could hold may attention with her looks alone.
I just stood up and walked over to another park bench as I went through my Blackberry checking my email.
She continued to be checking herself in the mirror, yet glancing at me every so often. My takeaway didn’t fully work.
Even after a few minutes went by, she looked absorbed, but girls are always on scan-mode, monitoring things in their peripheral even when they don’t look like it.
I got up from my bench and walked the other direction and behind a structure that you couldn’t see through.
My walking path led me to be right behind her bench. I went there but she wouldn’t see where I was because the structure blocked her view.
I also wanted to finish my email but still keep an eye on her; once she was done in her mirror we could have fun again.
Then I get a text: “Why are you always leaving me?” It was from her.
I just walked up from behind her bench, sat next to her and said: “Relax kid, I’m right here, I was just taking care of my email tasks so I wouldn’t have to worry about them later.”
I told her of where I was going next, which was in Brighton, closer to where I live.
“There in a pizza joint & a few cool clubs.” You always have to frame these ideas as things that are already going on, and she can come along. That keeps the pressure off us both.
Now I don’t get too firm in plans. If I want to hang out with her, if she definitely doesn’t want to go along on the event I chose, I just modify my lead, pick a new place for now.
She said no at first, I told her that we could go there later, and started walking to my train. She followed but it was the train that was going where we said anyway.
This next part is weird, I hardly understand it, but it is how it happened: We went to the Arlington st. Greenline station, and would be taking a ‘B’ line to get where I intended. We talked and chatted and joked and laughed as all the other letter trains came by.
I greeted a few girls there and while walking through the station, nothing direct just easy going ‘hello’s. I was bouncing my attention back and forth from my girl and away to someone/something else. Then a ‘B’ train came.
I stood up, and held my hand behind me for her to take it. She didn’t take it, first time all day of me offering it. She said something about not wanting to to go, but she was up standing and a few steps to the train. “Alright, It was fun meeting you…” as if I was leaving.
She stood there with with a look of the blues in her eye, so I pulled her back to the bench as I sat next to her, looking at her uncertainty and I started laughing. The ‘B’ train took off.
“I am going to the Hookah-bar, and then maybe grab a bite to eat in Brighton. It would be great if you came along, but I have better things to do than hang out in a train station. Why don’t you go home for now, it’s been a long day. You’d have a
great time at these places I am going too; I just have to take the next ‘B’ train that comes through. ”
She had no response so I just went on telling stories and chatting about other things. I explained what the next few steps of mine would be. She stayed engaged in the conversation, and I left some open loops to keep her in curiosity, keep her wanting more.
So I did. I got on the next ‘B’ and she came along. We went to Allston, touched base with a lot of my friends in these places. Then around 10 or so, we talked of going to the playground for a little while.
So far at
this point I have about 4 hours of flirting that led this whole thing to be where it is:
We were
at the bus stop, to go to the playground I intended. She was sitting on the bench, her elbows on her knees, her head on her hands facing down. I was standing up waiting for the bus and she looks up at me and says:
“I am Tired….. I want to go home, or I want you.”
I stopped, I thought about what she just said.
Of course I
was taken aback to what I just heard, but I showed nothing. I looked at her again and said as I would say to anything she would have said that I didn’t hear. “I’m sorry, what was that you said?”
“I am tired. I want to go Home, or I want you.” she repeated verbatim.
I thought for a minute. We had been kissing, I was building up her tension all day by stopping early and the ‘almost kisses’ that drive ‘em crazy. Where I have my face close, my lips close, but I smell her skin, the air rushing over as I inhale.
“Ok… let me check one thing.” I said. I sat down next to her and kissed her like I meant it, a real passionate kiss. I stood up and said “Okay.” and stuck my hand out for a cab.
So we can talk about how to take a skill you know nothing about and make you a master. Let’s outline this. The best way I have heard to explain a concept is from the NLP crowd. It’s easy and basic with only four steps. You can break each one up as much as you would like but we’ll have something to build from. [private]
….you can easily change her mood, not her mind. Stay non-reactive no matter if you are getting results that differ from what you wanted. Being non-reactive is very attractive. Make sure you are having fun.
If you aren’t having fun, she wont have fun. Girls like to follow the lead and a fun lead is better than anything else.
Ok, I am not trying to over blow my own horn…This is just some of the stuff that goes through my head, getting me into a very fun[private] state. I started out by pushing those ideas in there, then they came habitually, but then the differences can be seen sometimes.
Look at these & trade my name for yours, see what happens to your state
As when C.J. steps into any venue, he is welcomed with the word “unstoppable.” in his thoughts. This rings through his mind as soon as he sees that he is in an environment to be interacting with women.
This word keeps flashing through his thought board: (unstoppable.) This excites him with that: ‘full of life’ juice. He now knows there is no obstacle that can get between him and the goal that he loves the most: fun with women.
He remembers that when he walks into a party, he always projects and ultra fun aura. “Now that he is on the scene, the good times can really start.(Uh oh, did he bring water balloons again?)“
“Where ever I am is the place to be. If nothing else: being in my favorite place seems to be contagious to who I am with.”
“You never know what adventure will be chased when hanging out with a CJ,” some one once told him.
“The world is mine to enjoy.” Since considering that any situation that he is part of the vibe, that is his whole world for the moment I am in it..
This love interaction is merely an ongoing session of batting practice. We are constantly interacting with women on a daily, and ‘throughout the day’ perspective in a positive and self affirming way, it is all preparation.
This is warming up.. so when the great girl comes along he is ready to hit that home run. Flirting with the girl who waits on him at the diner, receptionist, bank tellers… with every female he interacts with. Even the old lady at the grocery store*, he’s being so charming, polite, and establishing a momentary connection. Even and especially if he is not romantically interested in her — and in many cases he will not be — he does take the time to introduce himself and say something to make her smile. Maybe he makes her laugh. Her day will continue slightly better than if she never met him (*have found that playful interactions with children and old people, not only is a whole lot of fun, but seems to catch the attention of nearby HBs)
He also is distinguishing himself from ever every other guy she comes across.
If the waitress serves 100 customers in out day, it is him that she seems to remember next time he comes in. He asked her name, took time to chat with her about her day, and referred her name several times through the conversation. Enjoying the ways to be leaving a positive impression on every female he encounters. It’s amazing what a positive impression you can make simply by introducing yourself, expressing sincere interest in how her day has been going and paying her observation compliments.
When you put forth this positive energy, this is exactly what comes back to you on return. When you are charming and polite to waitress, she is going to give you the best possible service she can think of. Take those fun moments to establish a little connection with the pretty bartender and she will be the one to keep an eye out for you when you need a refill.
He starts out with the understanding. Imagining if every single one of them has a pleasant opinion of him & has heard all the fun stories. As he interacts and this fun comes through, unspokenly, She will be more likely remembering his name next time he visits and will be obviously willing to go the extra mile to help him out, he sees.
When you are constantly eliciting positive reactions from women it does great things to boost your inter-state, your ego and your confidence. And it always seems easy when you are socially lubricated, say, when you’re warmed up. You feel good about your game and always in a constant state of readiness at a moments notice. Keeping this habit regular allows you to be operating at your peak level when the unbelievable bombshell crosses your path.
You have been having friendly interactions with many women throughout the day so, instead of being anxious about talking to the gorgeous bunny just walking in the room, everything just comes naturally. You’ve been in the habit and momentum of regular practice your attitude becomes more relaxed, confident and she’ll pick up on the attitude which will also distinguish you from all the aggressive and over obnoxious men she encounters.
Also by consistently doing this, you are acquiring new knowledge about women in general. Striking up many conversations throughout the day and keeping your detail attention on… you will learn so much about what interests them and as things that bother them. You see patterns and start to form an ‘in general’ field in you mind about women, which is nice. Rapport seems easier to establish as this grows in you.
I’m not so much talking about gaming the hired guns but think of this: When you go out to shop for clothes and the sales girl asks if you need any help, most guys have no intention of meeting people. Some may figure she has other things to attend to …so he just says ‘no thanks’ and moves along (I see this in my people watching.) But this is part of what makes her happy for her day: having interesting and fun people to be of help to.
Moving into the situation is fun with acknowledging her, giving her your friendly smile and just tell her: “right now just browsing the stacks.”
Maybe you compliment her on a positive aspect of her appearance, namely something she is wearing or has done to it to catches attention. That’s the attention she put it there for. “That’s a really nice necklace you’re wearing. You mind if I ask where got it?” It could be anything that shows an interest is taken into how she looks. A pair of earrings, a matching outfit, or unique quality about her shoes. It doesn’t really matter… just to isolate one aspect of her appearance (that she worked on) and flatter about it. As a girl she will be more than happy to tell you where she discovered her ‘key find’ and this is a nice piece to file away for possible future reference.
Ok, Let’s say she bought it during a vacation in Puerto Rico. Now you have a little key point to reference during a future conversation with a woman. “That’s a nice necklace you’re wearing. I was talking to this girl he other day, and she had this cool necklace that she bought Puerto Rico.” Shows you are easygoing with women, and women travelers, which somewhat indicates qualities you have yourself or ones you like in others.
You could have just as easily complement to the sales girl on her hairstyle and said something like: “I really like your hair. A female friend who just moved to town is looking for a good hair salon.” If nothing else it is going to get the sales girl talking, which I think is very valuable skill to have. Learn how to get them talking and keep them furthering their points, show your sincere interest… as you are paying attention to detail she mentions and filing away possible fun-facts for later.
Without any “hired – gun’’ agenda, you will see how this takes a boatload of stress and/or pressure out of the interaction. You are just out shopping and making pleasant conversation with a girl who works there. So what if she is cute. Maybe you will want to take the conversation further and ask about cool shirts or jeans for men. This is part of her job and she will have fun showing you the latest fashions. Another great way to get tips in this area of your life.
It is so easy to be casual, this encounters completely innocent without some of stresses/expectations that want to attach itself to obvious pickup. You are not trying to pick her up, just reminding yourself you’re only lubricating your social gears. If you happen to feel like you really have a chemistry and want to see her again you can always ask for her phone number too.
By keeping this practice active, it all builds upon itself. Once a part of your daily routine, you become so comfortable around women and talking to a woman even for the first time in a day, it becomes something like second nature.
You will end up making great friends this way, and these are the ones who if you pay attention carefully enough, will indicate all the inside tips about girls you been looking for.
When I hear of guys having their ‘score count’ to be a priority, always looking for an SNL or a quick hook up, I know the strikeout ratio is higher on that level. This sort of approach with such a bad ratio of attempts to successes …does seem like it’s going to have a large effect on your self-confidence and inner game. Since the success rate ratio would be the factor having a bad effect, this will cause you to become more desperate for success, maybe becoming seemingly more needy.
On the other hand, by keeping regular chitchat with girls to be part of your habits, when the killer pitch comes your way, you will be ready to hit it out of the park.
An easy way to start the momentum in a subtle way of her chasing you, and [private] chasing your approval of her. this is another key to keeping the sexual tension built. Once you have found some interesting points the two of you have rapport on say something like:
“You seem interesting to me, I might want to get to know you better & see how things go.”
She hasn’t won a place in your life yet. She is still on a moment to moment basis, depending on how well she does. You don’t just let any girl in your life, you have certain qualifications and she has to has to earn her place with you. [/private]
Even if this thought is not for her, she will think of you as a potential boyfriend for[private] one of her single girl friends. Women love to find guys for their friends because they know the importance of quality male companionship is in a woman’s life. If you are continuously keeping this in mind when you are in the company of any woman you can find yourself being set-up with a really great girl. Always put your best foot forward even if you are not attracted to a particular girl you are talking to.
A man that walks tall and handles every situation with ease shows her a major protection when it comes to the rest of the world.
Girls are never quite sure how to properly qualify a man. They have been trying to get their process down since they started dating but after a few mistakes or men that didn’t turn out how they expected continues to refine their qualification process. If a woman sees a man who’s company is valued by other women, she assumes that he has already been pre-qualified on the qualities the women agree on.
When a woman meets a man that she cannot easily have completely simply based on her good looks as the bait, she works for what she can almost have & then appreciates and values her catch much more.
[private]Like anything else we stay fresh at things we keep regular. A musician friend told me today he has to play once or twice a week to stay good at all at it. People skills are the same way. Keeping random conversations to be regular keeps our edge up. We monitor how people react to things; then we know for next time. Everything is practice. We always get a next time; talking to people at the grocery store; stopping by those free events at libraries; going to AA meetings as a visitor and mingling with the crowds. Find a Toastmasters meeting, Hit every open gallery that you can find. There are so many ways to keep meeting new people and stay in practice. Just stay open to learn. Don’t try to be right, life is so full of change on all levels, staying flexible is an asset. [/private]
I say: “Actually I was just [private] being social. But honey, accusing a stud like myself of hitting on you is not a good way to get me to like you more. Try being yourself,I like that. But don’t expect to get in my pants, I am more than piece of meat for you to enjoy ” [/private]
It works best to generate attraction till you see an even keel of mutual attraction is going on. Stay away from the ‘What do you do?’, ‘Where are you from?’ even the ‘What is your name?’ type of interview questions until a healthy dose of attraction is built up.
Don’t start until you see her showing ways that she is interested in you first. Keep everything a playful vibe; these are all practice people until you see something more. Once you see her signals that she is interested, and then it is okay to be showing her that your interest is of the same level. Regardless of what you feel inside, you should be showing her and equal amount of interest to reward her signals, but nothing more yet.
If she feels like she has won your heart before you guys had a chance to get to know each other, she will think: ‘Game Over’ and move on to the next guy.
As soon as I see her touching me, laughing at my jokes (even the stupid ones) and she is staying around for like 20 minutes or so, then I know there is a sweet spot going on. It’s not till then I start asking her some screening questions: “So what do you do for fun?”
Every time she tells me things about herself that I like, that I am attracted to, I compliment her on those points. This shows her which topics and behaviors get the most reward. She will be increasing these which will ensure a better time for us both.
At this point of learning more about her, I will say: “When I first met you, I wasn’t so sure about you…but now that I get to know you you are pretty interesting. This is usually the point when I begin to increase my playful touching to further reward the amount I like her.
This may start with tapping and poking to high-fives, pushing, butt-bumping and thumb wrestling. After the playful stuff, I may move on to hugging, holding hands like I am mocking a couple, cheek kissing, and picking her up jokingly.[/private]
Keep at it, Journaling is a great tool for gaining the controls in designing your own life…Once we have the Thoughts, Ideas and Emotions labeled up with words, our minds can work pretty well with them.
And of course journaling events you will find new things you didn’t realize until you re-thought them a bit later and yourself is bout of everything that was going on while it happened.
It may work for you. I have found this other part helpful: [private] To journal events with actions you’d change/improve once you knew the ‘after’ information. By taking the time to organize the thoughts to journal a fictional account of what happened and what you would have done (as if you had)you now have these thoughts laid out in your head in order, so if something similar comes up you will think of it this way, almost like a preplan….it’s pretty cool.
Living life rather than letting life live you…
Yeah this system works well, I have quit smoking, installed new habits, extinguished old habits with this structure: “The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.”
I don’t know…See if you can teach it back to me!!! xo.cj
Why do we go after pleasure and try to avoid pain?
It seems so obvious, doesn’t it? Pleasure is pleasurable and pain is painful. Doh!
And what controls these feelings of pleasure and pain?
Your brain, of course.
And why does it do it…?
Here is why: Because it knows you will go for pleasure and try to avoid pain. And so, as an organ of survival, it drives you to do the things that are good for you. Yes, the things that are good for you are pleasurable.
WHAT? What did you say? So why do we overeat? Smoke? And all of those other bad things?
This is really important, so pay attention.
In your brain, there is a pleasure system. When you do things that are good for the organism (that’s you), there’s a reward mechanism that releases specific neurotransmitters in your brain that makes you feel good.
For thousands of years, these systems worked really well. Think about it: Sweet things found in nature — like fruits and berries — are good for you. Bitter things are usually poisonous.
And when you’re in good shape and you run around in the forest — you feel good — a lot of those rewarding neurotransmitters are released when your body is moving.
And eating — when there wasn’t the abundant supply of food that we have today, getting sugars and fats meant getting energy… crucial for survival, of course, and so your brain rewards the organism for it.
Do you see? The primitive part of your brain, the part that has kept you and your forefathers alive, is rewarding you for doing the things it thinks is best for you.
So What About Alcohol and Tobacco? And Other Drugs?
Ok, let’s take a tiny detour.
Can you remember the first time you had a sip of beer? Not very nice. Your first cigarette? Your first glass of whiskey? Cognac? All pretty bad experiences, I bet. But today, you’re hooked on some of these. You like them. No, you love them. They give you a great rush and they relax you, and you don’t want to live without them.
You know they are bad for you, of course (and maybe some more than others).
So why is your brain telling you not to quit? (At least the emotional part of it?) Why does it feel so good?
I’m not going to tell you that I understand addiction. Nobody really does. But we have some good theories. And here is one:
Your brain has a reward system that releases dopamine (a neurotransmitter) when you do something that is good for you (see http://www.addictionscience.net/ASNreport01.htm for a more scientific treatise on this). Drugs, like alcohol and tobacco, short-circuit the reward system of the brain. They directly push the buttons of the reward system, and so your brain gets a rush of dopamine. And you take a delight in doing whatever it was you were doing at the time you got rewarded — like sipping merlot or smoking a cigarette.
What does this mean for you?
For one thing, it means that if you do want to quit smoking, for example, that you accept and acknowledge that some parts of you are actually hard wired to sabotage your efforts. Your brain obviously wants you to do what it thinks is best for you — such as some of these negative behaviors. You are a thinking, reflecting human being and you know it’s not good for you. But sorry, the reward system was there first. It developed long before the logical reasoning of your frontal lobes, which in evolutionary light can be seen as addendums to your brain. The reward system is deeper, lower down, and has a lot of say. It is there to keep you alive and kicking.
-she will be open and warm welcoming to your approach -she will think you are hot and want to give you her number[private]
-she will be caught of guard and not know what to do. As the interaction begins, she will take your lead to the tempo. If you decide that you like her, you can direct the way things will go
Hands in pockets looks as if you don’t want to talk or you are hiding something.
When talking to people, keep your hands out visible and show your palms a lot. This shows you have noting to hide and are a safe person to be talking to. Seeing your palms open will put those you are with [private] at ease and will have them more comfortable sharing with you.
“When men lie, their body language can be obvious. women are in tune with this fact, of body language being obvious, so they like to look busy when they are fabricating stories.”
With your hands open and your palms visible, this appears more credible and more open.
In addition to the way people appear, as the frequency of open palm gestures becomes habit the keep much more of their communication to be honest. It is one hand washing the other. Not only will you look more honest, you will become more honest by speaking with your hands open and palms facing who you are talking to more often. Other people seeing these open palms will also put more pressure on them to be truthful witch is a more comfortable space for you both to share.
People also want to share more seeing the palm. Think of a time when after you have made your point, you tilt your palm up to the other person indicating that it is their turn to talk. These subtle signals are responded to so subconsciously, most people don’t realize why they are sharing so much.
[/private]
[private]“You’re sorry that you’re married? You’ve got to slow down girl, I am out here making friends…” (A lot of these types of things need to be said as playful teasing, joking banter. A mischievous smirk during the comment usually takes care of this.) Then to keep the flow going, without batting a lash, let it continue “
(or there is always: “Reeeaallly?!? I though marriage was about happiness, what are you so sorry for?”)[/private]
You are still that incredibly fun, interesting guy that she met. You have so many women that she has no idea if you are going to ask her out at all. You are totally un-needy. She wants you to tell her when and where to meet you. You don’t ask; you direct, since you are a leader.
Mainly, you want to reinforce in her mind…[private]
… that you are still that super fun guy she met, continue building lots of comfort (while keeping
the attraction fires burning), and last, but not least, get her to meet up with you.
The secret to good phone game is to be completely and totally un-needy. In any attractive woman’s life, there have been a million guys who she has her number to and lived to regret it; primarily because they made it a point to constantly ask her out at the slightest opportunity, whenever they had her on the phone. You are not going to be that guy. You are going to be that ultra-cool guy she wants to go out with but doesn’t give her any certainty that you will ever ask her out at all.
When you mention fun things you have in your upcoming plans, as soon as you hear her interest in them, it is so easy to suggest “Totally. I think we have room. You should definitely come along.”
“Our house almost got broken into when I was eight…but my if dad installed some swinging paint cans and some micro machines by the stairs that shit woulda never happened.”
You can either completely makeover your personality in order to impress her, or you can turn the tables and make her [private]do the work. When you put yourself in control of the situation, you are the one who has the power to reject her, because she believes you can have any girl you desire. If you use this method to psych yourself up, you can calm your nerves and loosen up a bit, which will make women actually fight to get your attention.[/private]
I can also see that my enthusiasm for the places I have been does more than [private]…even out the playing field.
“Oh my god! Costa Rica was like a picture perfect paradise you see in picture books. There were monkeys pulling candy wrappers out of the trash and a two foot tall brightly colored parrot in the tree nearby the picnic table we were sitting at..
The people were So friendly. As soon as they hear you trying a few Spanish phrases they make every effort with any English they know. I remember on more than one occasion, when I was asking directions, the people would walk with me most of the way to be able to point out the last stretch of the directions..
There were volcanoes spitting lava over the bay, waterfalls in every neighborhood we visited, and palm trees to coconuts wherever the could see.
The sunset over the bay stuck so hard in my mind, I had to paint what I remembered of it a few years later. It was an ever changing rainbow of opaly colors, shimmering on the water for the whole time we were eating dinner across the street from the beach…”
No matter what they are, facts can be boring. Enthusiasm and colorful pictures painted with your words can be very alluring and the enthusiasm is contagious. When I tell those stories I hear “I wish I was there” all the time.
“Don’t get me wrong, [private] I’m not trying to pick you up I’m just here to meet new people and make new friends. However, when we do hang out, and if we were to really connect, who knows? It could be fate.”[/private]
If you want a first date with a woman, and you pass up random moments to express affection or a skip to receive affection she will see right through you. Keep your detail monitor on her, please. Never let yourself automatically withdraw from her ‘accidental’ touch so to speak. It is time to promote it, to welcome it, to flourish it.
As with all things resembling rejection, upon opening a girl and early in the interaction, she hasn’t rejected the guy who opened her. He can’t take it personally yet because she has no idea what he is like, how fun he is, how exciting he is, and all those things. She has a certain amount of blocking maneuvers built in. These will weed out the first level of guys; this will qualify the weaker ones out of her scope before she needs to do any serious qualification. It is sort of a time saving technique.
Almost all girls have an auto-responder built in. They are raised to be polite, so of course she will say “It was nice meeting you” as a way to give a hint to end the conversation. She hasn’t said (and most girls wouldn’t say): “I am done talking to you”… so I can take this hint as I haven’t sparked any interest/attraction yet which is fine. It is easy to change topics like the signal wasn’t noticed. By frequently changing topics and coming back to touch base on ones talked about is how old friends converse. By keeping this same eye for her signals open, I will see which topics engage her, interest her, excite her & spark attraction in her.
This, in a way, will speed up the amount of rapport felt between you both. When you keep changing topics & find a bunch of them that you agree on, you have rapport on a variety of topics, like old friends. Women don’t need to have their conversations run on a linear structure; they very much operate on a moment to moment basis.
Also by staying in the conversation & changing topics shows a masculine strength. Woman will stay polite as long as possible; it’s part of their social nature. This gives a man the opportunity to find her hot buttons. If one reads her silly ‘nice meeting…’ as a signal and cowers away, they’ve answered a qualification factor very quickly for her. She sees this as a man with not much to offer in depth & variety to his personality, one who had no other interests left quickly, saving her time.
If she walks away, that is an obvious explicit signal. Yes I keep my eyes and ears open to read the signals women send in subtext and indirectly, but I only respond to the ones that I like. I have heard girls blatantly disagree with an opinion point I have made. I am fine with disagreement, but I will just accept her point and further the reasons I have come to my conclusion. After hearing what I had to say I have heard girls make a second statement, agreeing with my point, as if she had never disagreed a moment ago. By continuously responding to the ones I like and not the other, I always see the frequency of positive ones picking up. The girl is getting a reward for the positive ones, with them being replied to, while the other ones are just ignored.
Being such social creatures, they seem to have a craving for approval (or explicit lack of) to be going one way or the other in any interaction they are in.
…what you have are beams of your powerful energy coming from your eyes, out to the world. If you practice maintaining eye contact with [private] every person (non-person to your world yet) that you pass in a day’s travel, you will see they are most often averting their eye contact first.
They are the first to break it, you are just scanning the people you pass to see which ones look interesting enough to say hi to or something. The people that do hold it for a through a whole second and into the next moment, maybe they are interesting. A simple ‘hi’ will start you off to have the answer to that question. Any girl that holds this eye contact, I will smile at and any guy that holds it I greet “Hey what’s up?”
By practicing your eye contact with everyone you pass will strengthen this in you. Guys that hold it get a greeting or the tilt head back a bit greeting and the girls get a smile. keep practicing this with all non-people to your world that you pass in a day and it will get stronger, more naturally regular. You get like a juice, a motivation from these tiny moments of connection throughout a day. [/private]
This is another excellent way to share information in a way that is fun and creates a playful back and forth vibe between the two of you. “I’m fascinated by…” or “I like…”
Remember, start small. Don’t go for the immediate [private] deep topics. Get her talking with you first and get into deep topics later.
Ex. “You know what I really like about NYC? The best pizza in the world. You know what I mean? (if she does, then:) What do you like
about NYC?”
Then once you’re warmed up… “I like girls who have a kinky side…” It is all about the “VIBE” that goes back and forth between you and the woman.
Instead of tirelessly trying to create a deep sense of rapport… simply focus on the back and forth vibe that is occurring between the two of you. Your interaction should be the center of attention….NOT the TOPIC being discussed. I repeat: Your interaction with the woman should be the center of attention… not the topic being discussed.
Ok, from last Wednesday…I decided to log out this clip. I went into the Logan cafe…as I love it there…I figured a quick sandwich and a soda….Some beautiful bunny was leaning on the brochure counter looking as if she is waiting for someone…She was pretty model stat…Good-‘propa-lady’ like dressed on top of a Bally’s body…She held herself well, and when our eye contact was made…She humbly dropped [private] her gaze to the ground…for a couple a seconds…When she looks back up to see if I am still looking…which I was…I scoped her setup head to toes…On her look up she dropped her gaze again then a good 30 seconds before she looked to the side and the brochures…I figured I would say hi….
C.J.: “Hi, I do have a question for you.”
Beautiful Bunny at the Logan cafe: “Sure, what’s that?”
(I pause… pause. I paused for fun…)
C.J.: “Are you single?” (In my emotionless stone cold straight face)
Beautiful Bunnie: “Well, um…”
C.J.: “I’ll take that as a yes…” (I nodded in the grin that I felt creeping on…)
Beautiful Bunnie: (Laughter)
C.J.: “Well, I just happen to know someone that I
think might like you… if you’re more than
just a pretty face, that is… He’s fun and has
great taste, and I think you’d like him… I’d
love to sit down and get your life story, but I’m
on my way somewhere… do you have email?” I asked…
Beautiful Bunnie: “Yes.”
C.J.: Great… (I take out my favorite astronaut pen)… write it down for
me, and I’ll send you an email when I’m in ‘online time’.
I then folded her slip of paper slid it into the breast pocket of my jacket and wished her a good day…[/private]
Since girls have hit puberty, guys have been chasing them in one way or another. Guys grow up thinking they have to buy a woman gifts, take her out to dinner, and earn her approval. Girls on the other hand have had it easy their whole life, so once they meet an interesting guy who is actually a challenge for them to have his attentions, their desire and attraction quickly escalates.
With something as simple as sexual tension, [private] you are taking the role of the pursued party in the interaction. To get this started, you show her sparks of interest and attraction, but never completely. You still do not know if she is cool enough to add to your social circle even, not to mention getting intimate with her. While she never really knows if you are really into her or not, since she is getting mixed messages from you & this keeps her in chasing mode to find out for sure. When she feels a slight interest from you, she wants it to be certain. I see guys who express a ‘clear interest’ in a girl once they first meet her. This will lose her attention quickly and she will walk around to find a more challenging guy.
Consistently giving her these mixed signals causes tension to build to the point where she can only see a release of it would be to get intimate/physical with you. Then she will have the definite answer she has been looking for. Then she will have her uncertainty answered. The conflicting feelings in her that have built this tension are the indication to her that you might be interested, you might be attracted to her but she’s not so sure.
When you first meet a woman you can have great results in trading and building this tension while you playfully watch her chase you in a variety of ways. You see, body language is a powerful force in all of this. You can give her some undivided attention with your eye contact and keeping your gestures to be welcoming to her…and then SUDDENLY you let your attention be grabbed by something else. In the middle of a high point you have generated in her (You got her laughing, or talking about passionate subjects, or she is touching you more frequently), you can cut her off mid sentence and go check on your friends or open another girl who is nearby.
While the girl is talking you can triangulate your gaze (look from eye to eye to mouth to eye to eye…) on her which will indicate a kissing-though in your mind but then quickly find something else to do. Girls pick up on these things so once you have the seed planted, you can bounce your attention to a different subject. Once she has noticed it will be in her thoughts underlying everything else for a while. This in itself indicated your interest for her, but it is not guaranteed.
For most of the time you can give her your shining friendly personality. Reward some of her jokes with your laughs, reward some of her flirts with flirts back but then take them away. You can tease her like a little sister but just enough playful so she want more of this fun razzing you are giving her.
It can be very in-your-favor to be doing things that are opposite of common courtesy.
Much of what I teach is that of ‘capturing the frame’ or showing that you do understand where girls are coming from. To have indications of knowing these will set you apart from most guys right away. You can make it like you are going through the same things she goes through with an average guy, but you are going through those same things with her.
Let me give you an example. “Now just because you bought me a drink doesn’t mean I am sleeping with you tonight.” You see that is a thought that goes through many girls minds every time a guy buys them a drink. Girls are very social creatures and very polite by nature. With human nature often thinking of reciprocity, she thinks that.
Sometimes on a first date with a girl I may say: “Ok but I insist on paying my half, if picked up the whole tab I’d think I’d owe you (as I give her the playful sexual smirk) something else later…” This also takes the wonder of who pays for the first date dynamic. I don’t go through great lengths paying for dates until I know that I want her to be a regular part of my life. Before that, we are just meeting up, feeling each other out and I am seeing if she qualifies to spend any more time with me after this.
Half of capturing this type of frame shows that you do know how girls think but also by playing the part of the one going through these things as if she is chasing you.
The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. In the context of interpersonal relationships, ‘the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component’.[1]
Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
Passion – Which encompasses drives connected to both limerence and sexual attraction.
Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other.
‘The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other’.[2] Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements.
Contents
[hide]
1 Forms of love
2 Criticism
3 See also
4 References
5 Further Reading
[edit] Forms of love
Combinations of intimacy, passion, commitment Intimacy Passion Commitment
Nonlove
Liking/friendship
x
Infatuated love
x
Empty love
x
Romantic love
x
x
Companionate love
x
x
Fatuous love
x
x
Consummate love
x
x
x
Triangular Theory of Love.gif
The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle, interact with each other and with the actions they produce so as to form seven different kinds of love experiences (nonlove is not represented). The size of the triangle functions to represent the “amount” of love – the bigger the triangle, the greater the love. The shape of the triangle functions to represent the “style” of love, which may vary over the course of the relationship:
Nonlove ‘refers simply to the absence of all three components of love. Nonlove characterizes the large majority of our personal relationships, which are simply casual interactions’.[3]
Liking/friendship is ‘used here in a nontrivial sense. Rather, it refers to the set of feelings one experiences in relationships that can truly be characterized as friendship. One feels closeness, bondedness, and warmth toward the other, without feelings of intense passion or long-term commitment’.[4]
Infatuated love: ‘infatuation results from the experiencing of passionate arousal in the absence of intimacy and decision/commitment…like Tennov’s limerance’.[5] Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.
Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses’ relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form, indicating ‘how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term relationship…[but] the beginning rather than the end’.[6]
Romantic love ‘derives from a combination of the intimate and passionate components of love…romantic lovers are not only drawn physically to each other but are also bonded emotionally’[7] – bonded both intimately and passionately, but without sustaining commitment.
Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. ‘This type of love is observed in long-term marriages where passion is no longer present’[8] but where a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship.
Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage – ‘fatuous in the sense that a commitment is made on the basis of passion without the stabilizing influence of intimate involvement’.[9]
Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple.” According to Sternberg, these couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they cannot imagine themselves happier over the long-term with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties gracefully, and each delight in the relationship with one other.[10] However, Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. “Without expression,” he warns, “even the greatest of loves can die”.[11] Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.
You can treat it as a joke or that you know she must be joking to be worrying about such trivial matters. To achieve the joke, the idea is to build suspense, then mix the serious with the ridiculous.
For example, on a first date she asks: “How long has been since you been on a date?”[private]
Hearing this, I pause & look very serious. “Well, does my mom count? …because she escorted me to the Halloween ball in the third grade.” [/private]
When a girl starts giving out a bitch attitude, it is easy to bring her back up to a playful vibe:
“Ah, getting feisty eh? You know what I would [private] do?!? I’d dress you up in a red PVC devil outfit. Complete with the horns like thins and a tail…and some bitch boots with a pitchfork…and your friend here. She’s nice. I’d dress her up in a similar but angel outfit with wings and a furry halo. I’d roll with you guys, one on each arm down the street. Every girl would be jealous of you and every time I was to make a decision…I’d let each one of you fight over which decision is the most fun. Whichever is the most fun, we’d do that.”
Give it a try, it has brought giggles out of the bitchiest girls. Post your results in the comment box below. Let your adventure Continue! [/private]
While I am talking to a new girl and things have found their way to something boring I may ask: “Now that we are talking, I have a question for you. Do you think [private]magic spells work? I never believe in that hocus pocus but just recently I had an amazing thing happen. Hey let me show you something. Give me your hand. Stand up for a second.”
As I lead her up, she stands up. Then I maneuvered my place to be behind her to sit where she was just sitting. “I just stole your seat.”
I am laughing at this point “Nah, I’m just kidding, stay close. I want to try an experiment, I have to go in a second and then you can have your chair back
People love a great story teller! A well told story can captivate someone to experience EVERYTHING as it is told as if they are actually having the experience themselves.
You will find those around you drawn in when you ensure all the basic elements are in place for a well told story.
[private] 1.Every story must have a purpose and should be fitting for the occasion.
2.A good story is fun to tell and fun to hear.
3.The story should have humor and be able to create laughter from the listeners.
4.Consider what you want your listeners to think and feel. Illustrate the events in a way that will induce those feelings.
5.Be animated in your movements.
6.Some exaggeration can be fun, but keep yourself credible.
“Compliment the beautiful on their intelligence, and the intelligent on their beauty.”
-Casanova[/private]
once you have the parts after the conversation is going to be getting you the best results. Then relying on body language for invites to open [private]and more is great.
From what you tell me and what I have seen in you, you have some things to work on before all of that. You need to have some of the in-between details covered so when that dream girl crosses you path, you have everything covered to capture and hold her interest.
By opening girl upon girl without any signal, that is going to keep reducing your anxiety until you are continuously finding yourself in the middle of conversations when you see it was so natural to get in them, you didn’t think twice.
This will also drop your conscious or unconscious desire for a specific outcome to happen in any interaction (they like you, you get a number, you get a date, whatever) which is detected in girls. They are very attracted to a man who they know can take or leave their company so easily since there is another girl waiting to be opened, waiting to enjoy your company.
Having those things so natural changes things in a man. Rather than settle for a girl that will spend time with him, he can have a clear picture of what he wants in a girl he spends the most time with and have exactly that. A man who has his relationships by choice because of who the people are, rather than chance because the work together or will settle, will see every other aspect in his life flourish in many ways.
If you look at the Pyramid of Maslow, the two steps before ‘Self-Actualization’ are in regards to the people in the life of a man. Once those basis are covered and covered well, the top step can have its refinement.
There are always parts throughout the processes that seem like hard work, but I can promise that the reward way-outweighs this work in a million ways.
To keep extinguishing that anxiety you told me of, I want you make a commitment to yourself. You told me you could open groups much better when you were directed or told to.
Throughout your days, you are all around the areas. I want you to start a conversation with 5 new people every day. It does not matter if the conversations last, this need no outcome at all, just the first steps. You can ask directions, ask the time, compliment somebody’s accessories, whatever.
If a conversation flourishes from this, then fantastic. If not, you have made your starting move and have succeed. You can track them in your phone’s memo pad, or write an email to yourself, or jot them down in a piece of paper. For each number, have at least one point about the person that will remind you of the conversation.
Depending on what you do though a day, if you don’t pass 5 new people in a day, go to the mall, the train station, or a place with a bunch of people and make sure your 5 is done.
To make sure you are accountable, then you can shoot me a quick email, with 1-5 listed and a point about each one. That is just to start creating a habit for yourself but we can also use those lists later to bring up points in conversations that you were involved in, to understand the pros and the cons of them.[/private]
Talk to her for a few minutes then walk away and do something else (this is key when [private] you see she is at a high point because of your interaction.
This keeps her wanting more. You can make her want what you have, what you are. Give her a little and then tease her a bit.
Do not make anything easy to get. Stay mysterious.
There is no need to answer questions about work so early. Be vague, especially if you have a really good answer. The most confident people never need to brag. Never give a woman a direct answer.
Play with her a little bit. Answer questions with questions. Get her to commit to something. If she complains or doesn’t like something, turn it up and give it back the way you would to our little sister.
Never give a woman exactly what she asks for. Always send mixed signals. Tell her “let’s be friends” at random times to show her she is in danger of getting stuck in your ‘friend-zone’ and nothing else.
Be unpredictable. Keep mixing it up and changing the patterns. Be distinctive, not boring. As far as showing your interest, take two steps forward then one step back. That would be two steps that indicate your interest to her, with a separate single one to indicate you’re not interested.
Keep up the tension. Like playing poker, always raise & call her bluff. You can lead and move forward very confidently. There is no need to apologize, act apologetic or insecure. Don not try to get any approval or look like you are trying to impress people, especially girls. Softies are for the dryer[/private]
It is okay, this is a good place to indicate your feelings on these things. it is better to have everything on the table than [private] to have her stand you up. This way, you are more likely to go out with her at another time. You can easily tell her something like:
“There’s one thing I hate it is flakey people. You sound like you weren’t sure about this. If you’re not gonna show up, that’s cool but wasting my time is not.”
****************************
To a really gorgeous girl with a super tight, hott body: “You know, you have a really interesting figure.”
[/private]
Cj Clark Piona
3 minutes ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona You can make whatever you dream of happen as turn within your life, full force…and if you appreciate every little success along the way…each piece and part that comes to you, it seems to come in a flourish of over ten-fold than ever expected possible…
2 minutes ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona that is how it has been for me anyways…realizing the beginnings of all of this started for me in fullest force, last spring, February/March 2010 or so…
2 minutes ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona then completely exploded in never-ending waterfall of all I had dreamed of in amounts that bring my to the uncertainty even in emotion, to laugh or cry or shout at the sky HUGE THANK YOU’s to all of the universal higher powers, what I know to be God of my universe, our universe…in fuller force than I ever thought possible. Thank you., and Thank you too Joni. Comments like yours remind me of all of the wondrous windfalls to be more saturated in them, immersed in the feelings
about a minute ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona of appreciation and MORE than my ever-ready nature to share everything and anything I have learned along these lines…to show someone else to have all of this is what makes me feel complete in my purpose…and the sperm who won the race to the egg, that third of a century ago. Thankful.
(click title to read whhole post] strong>To stay present in the moments you are in, you are enjoying yourself as much as possible. By doing this you are ready to be [private]…acting in the moment you are in, anything that comes your way will have a perfectly suited response come to your head with ease. In this way, without caring about any specific outcome of any situation you are in, your real personality can come out and flourish with what is going on around you.
You can always just say what is on your mind, this sincerity grow upon itself and is very attractive to those around you. While you stay detached from any specific outcome from any particular interaction you are in, this grows a confidence that draws people to be near you, to be in your energy.
No matter what happens you can take things as they come. You know that anything that comes your way is fine, all a part of life and you can gauge your responses accordingly. In this you are fully present to everything that is going on around you.
With all the people in around you, it is easy to assume and expect that everyone is your friend. I assume every person that I cross paths with, or I am near has the potential to be a really good friend. I keep this mindset unless/until they do anything to take themselves out of this category. They detect that I am fully enjoying their presence nearby, and their company and this is a contagious feeling that shines like an aura, just to be having it forefront in your mind.
As I look around a place that I am at, I quickly imagine giving them a big hug as if I haven’t seen an old friend in a while. This simple visualization changes my whole demeanor, the energy that I am sending out.
[/private]
There are plenty of women to talk to. This time around you are just practicing to learn your skills and refine them.
Each person you get in a conversation with is just a practice-person.
This way, you have no reason to worry at all about any particular outcome and can let your personality come forth in full flourish.
You can even say things that might be lightly shocking. The worst that can possibly happen is that you will learn from it.
It is a step toward eventual success and by maintaining this mindset you will find, that a few minutes into a conversation already rolling “Hey this chick is kinda cool and pretty cute, maybe I will like her more than this encounter.”
There are plenty of hott, fun-filled women so this time around you are just practicing, fine tuning your calibration.
There are no worries to any specific outcome.
The only possible results are successfully hooking her or a successful lesson.
The mindset that Siege is talking about was so important for my development. When I started viewing each set as a way of pushing myself and improving, the outcome of the interaction became less and less important. And as a bonus, the less I cared about the outcome, the more relaxed I was in set and was able to be myself.
I love the attitude that Siege describes in the second half of the quote. its so… natural/realistic/genuine. Isnt that how genuine social interactions are supposed to be? ~Ender
… friendshipsand romanticrelationships. The study of interpersonal attraction is a major area of [private]research in social psychology. Interpersonal attraction is related to how much we like, love, dislike, or hate someone. It can be viewed as a force acting between two people that tends to draw them together and resist their separation. When measuring interpersonal attraction, one must refer to the qualities of the attracted as well as the qualities of the attractor to achieve predictive accuracy. It is suggested that attraction between people which leads to friendships and romanticrelationships. The study of interpersonal attraction is a major area of research in social psychology. Interpersonal attraction is related to how much we like, love, dislike, or hate someone. It can be viewed as a force acting between two people that tends to draw them together and resist their separation. When measuring interpersonal attraction, one must refer to the qualities of the attracted as well as the qualities of the attractor to achieve predictive accuracy. It is suggested that to determine attraction, personality and situation must be taken into account.
In essence I tell Mya that I don’t want to fuck a girl based on appearance, I want to fuck a girl based on what I find inside.
I can look at beautiful woman, but beauty is common. I have dated too many tens/models/strippers than I’d like to admit… but for me to want any sexy-time out of a situation, I need a girl who can entertain my insides.
Since beauty is too common, there are three things I look for. A good personality, a good energy, and a good outlook.”
I look her down then up to her eyes: “You got two out of three, its a good start.”
Then she wants to know which ones she has & which one she is missing. Things turn into a playful cat & mouse as I change the subject.
There is no reason to show off. The most successful people with the greatest achievements talk about them like they are very insignificant.
I have heard different guys’ response to a girl’s questions of “What do you do?” go into a very dramatic long, detailed answer where he thinks he is being subtle about how cool he is, or how prestigious his job is, or how smart he is to have gotten there or how wealthy he is because he did.
This looks very insecure and women are masters at seeing through this type of thing.
Usually with a qualifying type question like that, I am [private]flattered that she is interested enough at this point to want to know more but I still give her a teasing/joking (Obviously BS) answer and spin it back to her, have her qualifying herself to me. “Ya, I have finished school for it and now I am working by scraping the gum off the bottom of seats at movie theaters. Very demanding nowadays…What do you do?”
Or I may tell her “I jump out of cakes at birthday parties.” Or “I am a disposable lighter repairman. 4 years of schooling finally paid off. “
Usually the girl laughs or chuckles to my joke, then goes on to tell me seriously about her career paths. Now this has the momentum generated of her qualifying herself to me, working to win my approval.
When I do get to what I do for work, rather than tell her what it is, I explain to her all the reasons I love what I do. I’ll talk about how I got into it, and how it fulfills me very much. “When I was a kid my dad told me to think of something that I would do all day/every day for nothing. Once I could earn a living doing that, I am successful. At this point, I am as close to that as I can imagine, and the direction I am in, what I have planned gets even better.”
Even as she asks me for details I stay very vague at this point. I spend the time talking about the fulfillment it gives me to help people to their successes, or examples of why I love what I do.
I tell her: “You know what? I’m gonna make you my girlfriend for the next 5 Minutes, I hope you won’t stalk me when we break up. ”
Then I start the plot line for our little shared imagination movie: “Since we only have 5 minutes, we need to [private]make this really good, ok? Good. So girlfriend, how’s your mom? Tell her I said thanks for the birthday gift, but it really didn’t fit. No, don’t tell her that part, I loved it!” as I am laughing with her since it so silly.
To re-engage the scenario, I pick it back up in a few minutes: “Hey girlfriend, I have something to tell you: I’ve been cheating on you…with your best friend.”
She was mockingly defensive: “Oh no! How could you?” and playing along.
“I’m really sorry girlfriend (I continue to call her: “girlfriend” too, not her name. It was fun to stay in character, even if sometimes I used a gay voice to say it. )
“I couldn’t help myself.” I continued “I’m just really sexual… you know that!” as we played charade kiss & make up scenes, to keep the goofiness going. [/private]
to bust her on. Look at her dress sense, her accessories, her belt matching her shoes, her handbag, her heels, her dorky actions whatever it is to bust on her about. I always turn the tables and keep implying how she is the one screwing up her chances with me.
If she is from outta town and[private] having problems with directions, I can shake my head & say to her: “This relationship just isn’t gonna work out” with a playful smirk.
She fumbles while she is pouring coffee. “This relationship just isn’t gonna work out.” Now this is something as trivial as pouring coffee & I say it with a mischievous, not serious smirk. Although the message is sent, her logical mind knows it can’t be true while her emotional mind isn’t quite sure. Then her emotional mind will trick her logical mind into chasing you some more, just to be sure.
Anything even slightly goofy she does, I shake my head with a playful sigh: “Are you ALWAYS like this?”
[/private]
let the lull in conversation happen. It is okay. This can even be a [private] form of compliance test. Wait until she starts conversation, girl’s nervous energy during silences can work in your favor at this point.
Once I see her trying to invest a little more, I may cut her off, knowing she is attentive. “Ya, hold that thought. What I wanted to ask you and tell you was…” and then continue those fun topics from before or ones like them.
[/private]
Today when you go out, I want your energy to be spilling into everything that you do.
We know that high energy people are very attractive and lack of energy ones seem to be often avoided. We see low energy people and feel they would be sucking energy from us but high energy people will fill us with [private]that juice of life!
Project your burst of energy by maximizing your smile to each person you greet & each person who hold your eye contact through a whole second. Like every muscle, the smile is something to exercise into place and you will find it actually makes you feel happier while working this set of muscles out to their fitness. Also people you pass each day will be returning your smiles which adds to this inner-bliss.
Like the smile muscles, workout your laugh muscles. You can laugh and laugh loud and laugh frequently. Keep pushing it. If you hear something a little funny, laugh a little more than you would normally. This becomes an easy habit. When there is nothing to laugh about, you may be laughing about a joke you heard yesterday or an interesting ironic observation you made about where you are that you haven’t shared yet. To be hearing your belly laughter, people will become very curious and you don’t have to explain to them unless you want to.
When they do ask, tell them that you will tell them in a few and talk about something else. Tell them you can’t talk about it yet. Tell them that you will tell them later.
These are comments you have that will also keep people curious about you, keep working these muscles out!
Talk about all the happy events in your life in in the world around you. Talk with excitement and enthusiasm. I can talk with such passion and excitement about a simple meal I had or exclaim very surprised disbelief that I didn’t know a trivia fact my friend recently shared with me.
Expressing this contagious energy and passion about even the little things in your life makes your life very charming, very desirable to know more about and maybe become a part of. Women are very susceptible to the contagious emotions.
Take her along in your enthusiasm and it will be a fun shared place to be together. Help her to unlock her own passion some more by getting very excited about her topics. She will start to associate you with this passion in a very favorable and desired place to be, in those moments.
Sprinkle a little more pep into every interaction you have. Put an extra bounce to your step And a little more animation to the gestures you have when you speak. Since women frequently adjust their feelings and perspectives to be on the same plane of the people they are with, you will find yourself readily surrounded by happy energetic people. These women will associate their emotional high to you and want to be spending more and more time with you, on a more regular basis. You can have more time available for those that are returns of your happy energies.
When your arrogance is combined with humor, to be very funny it shows you are having a good time. You have no need to earn any woman’s attention or acceptance or approval. This has to be the fact of all matters with her. You are a [private]strong provider that can stride confidently through the battlefields of life with or without her. However, if she earns your affections then she can come along for the fun you have in store. (Click title for whole article)
If your comments are funny and make people laugh they are very welcome. They are enjoyable even when you are giving a person a hard time about something or teasing them. The tension of uncertainty excites people in such a way that allowed the teasing you may have in store for them.
This strong providing man striving through the battlefields of life needs to be tested by a woman to know how strong their strength is. No matter what a woman presents you with true maintain your composure through all thick and thin will display a valuable guide to her. Getting angry and or upset over meaningless issues reveals insecurity and a person and is unpleasant to be around nonetheless.
Please do yourself a favor and welcome all of her tests. They are indicating that she is interested in you and would like to know more about you. Be charmed by this, and welcome it just make sure you maintain all of your composure throughout all of this. After some time, you will be able to see through them, see what they are and understand where she’s coming from. Remember that you never need to embrace or accept negative energies coming towards you and you can walk away at any time. You are a non-clingy person. “I do not need and negative energy in my world and I can walk away any time it feels less than desirable.”
What you pay the most attention[private] to does determine your reality. Your attention in the light and your intention is where you are pointing it. [/private]
#1- Push her against a door
Simply look her deep in the eyes for a whole moment, saying nothing. Then grab her and push her back against a door with you coming to the door too, to make a girl sandwich with your body and the door. Press yourself into her and start making out with her aggressively. Enjoy every taste of her like she is a delicious desert. Tell her: “I want to fall inside you.” but still hold off. Once you told her that, the seed has been planted, let her want more of you as long as you can.
This same move can also work against a wall, but you have to be extra careful about pushing her against a hard surface that doesn’t give (it can hurt and break her out of the moment) and a wall makes less of a ”SLAM!” noise than a door does. Be firm not shoving.
Dominant sex move #2- Pull her hair
For foreplay, stand behind her, kissing her neck. First rach up to the back of her head where her hair starts, and pull her hair back. Girls really go crazy for this.
When you’re doing her doggy style (a very dominant position), you can enhance your dominance by pulling her hair as you say dirty words in your low sexy voice to her.
Dominant sex move #3- Push her face into
the floor
Phucking her doggy is very dominant. You are physically above her and she is on her hands and knees. As you’re phucking her doggy style, use your hand to force her head and shoulders into the bed sheets. Sometimes I lay her on her stomach, he legs together. Then from above her I enter her while using my hands on her lower back, lightly pinned to the bed. She can feel total surrender in this.
Dominant sex move #4- Pin her hands down
Once some playful flirts have gone back and forth between you two, throw her onto the bed missionary position and with her hands above her head, forcefully pin them down as you phuck her.
Dominant sex move #5- Fuck her hard, fast,
and deep
Girls like it when you ravish the shit out of them with everything you have, full of passion and energy. Phucking a girl hard, fast, and deep is both dominant and characteristic of a healthy alpha male in full embrace of his masculine energy.
Dominant sex move #6- Kiss her forcefully
take her face and push your tongue in, like you are giving her a forceful tongue penetration. Make the kiss wet, forced, and nasty. Every time a tongue is pushed in their mouth they assocaite that to penetration on them in hotter places.
Dominant sex move #7- Manhandle her into
position
When you want to switch position, (each one is a combination of new sensations for her) don’t tell her nicely. Decide what you want and manuver her that way. You can roughly grab your girl by the legs, arms, waist, or whatever body part to get her moved right and forcefully manhandle her into the next position you want her in.
Yes there is an exception to every rule, but as a general principal, girls follow their biological coding and stay feminine and humble, to be approached.
Now when a dude stares across the bar, or the dance floor, he is broadcasting way too loud and clear and practically begging to be approached by the woman. Sorry buddy, its not going to happen. Get out of your seat, walk over to her and [private]
say hi.
Girls do not approach guys.
I see guys with this on their mind all the time. The other night I was on the bus and this hott girl got on. I was in a conversation with a girl I purposefully sat next to. The hott girl got on the bus and sat down, he sat in the seat facing sideways in front of her. In the way he sat down, I first was convinced he was going to start a conversation. It almost looked as if her knew her…that was until a minute or two went by.
Watching him look over at her, I could tell he wanted to talk to her but he didn’t. In my head I was rooting for him to just say hi, his seat was in front of hers, it was so easy to have some small talk as the bus went along. She probably would love a little chat to make the boredom of the bus ride go by, and if he had some skill, he could easily generate some attraction in the few minutes till one of their stops came up.
Girls do not approach guys. Sure, there are always wonderful exceptions and you will find yourself better off knowing this as a rule. Girls are biologically the passive creature. They are not going to approach you, and they wont respond to your approach if it is way too obvious you are interested in them before knowing them.
Now when a dude stares across the bar, or the dance floor, he is broadcasting way too loud and clear.
Girls do not approach guys.
There are always wonderful exceptions but you will find yourself better knowing this as a rule. Girls are biologically the passive creature. They are not going to approach you, and they wont respond to your approach because it is way too obvious you are interested in them. Do a little eye-contact flirting. Once you get a signal that she is interested, walk on over.
If you notice a group of 2 or 3 women near the bar area, you can pretend to [private]spontaneously notice them and wander over to see what they’re like.
Start with hello. You just wandered over because you thought they look interesting and had to find out. [/private]
There are plenty of women to talk to. This time around you are just [private]practicing to learn your skills and refine them. Each person you get in a conversation with is just a practice-person.
This way, you have no reason to worry at all about any particular outcome and can let your personality come forth in full flourish. You can say things that might be lightly shocking. The worst that can possibly happen is that you will learn from it. It is a step toward eventual success and by maintaining this mindset you will find, that a few minutes into a conversation already rolling “Hey this chick is kinda cool and pretty cute, maybe I will like her more than this encounter.”
There are plenty of hott, fun-filled women so this time around you are just practicing, fine tuning your calibration. There are no worries to any specific outcome.
The only possible results are successfully hooking her or a successful lesson. [private]
Cj Siege Tell her this: “hey I noticed you from over there & had to come over & say hi. see what ur like…” It doesn’t say more than u mean, nor is it trying too hard to maintain a status of any sort …just clear, direct, honest & to the point. Like any new interaction, yes her beauty has draw you over, but u want to see what she is like before u decide further
2 seconds ago · Like
THIS starts the momentum in exactly the right place, she now knows she hasn’t won you over with her looks alone, you want to see what she is like AND THAT will decide how things go from then on.
(a few comments in reply to a story I recently heard)
[The moral of the story: Have better things to do than meet women.]
Totally and in essence, by indicating that you have better things to do than meet-up with women, this shows you are a very [private] deep, complex, multi-interest/passionate type of guy. This is more of the type of guy girls like to be with. She will not see the value in hanging out with a guy who will drop everything to meet up with her, but will find value in hanging out with a guy who likes her enough to try and make a little time for her.
[You see, he actually made himself much more attractive by doing exactly what he did.]
This is part of the almost-validation that leads girls to be in that wonderful place of being in pursuit of a guy that she likes, not being the pursued. Both the girl and the guy are much happier in these relationship dynamics for the sort-run and the long-run.
A girl has felt pursued by guys her whole life; since puberty. Most guys have been in pursuit of girls since puberty. Once a girl finds a guy she has to work a bit to earn his favor, she appreciates her ‘catch’ much more. Once a guy is being pursued by women, his personal value, self esteem goes to very healthy places. They both can grow much better in this kind of relationship, as people.
[Last, he doesn't present himself as timid or even like he did anything wrong, because he hadn't.]
I see guys getting caught in this trap all the time, taking responsibility for something that wasn’t their fault, to sooth the woman, or so they believe. When the facts can be clearly identified to understand responsibility, it can even free up the pride from its hesitation from apology. I recently had a girl who was texting me & calling me during a time I was involved in a project, which I don’t answer my calls/texts when I am involved in activities.
After calling/texting me every hour or 2, without any response from me, she got pretty bothered. When I was freed up and returned her contact, I could tell she was pretty stirred up, although this was not because of any wrongness of my actions. I clearly stated to her “Although there was nothing I could have/would have done differently, I am sorry you felt that way.”
Based on the facts, I was honest as I could be. There was nothing I would have done differently, yet I had no intention of her getting all bothered. I don’t like it when people in my life are upset, regardless if I had no control of the reasons they are. So yes, I was sorry she was upset. I wasn’t sorry for anything I did or didn’t do, I was simply sorry she got upset over things.
She could hear, based on what I was saying that I had no apologies for my actions, yet I was empathetic enough with her to care how she felt. By what I said, she can clearly understand that I’d like her to be happy, yet I won’t change my routines to make this happen.
[Lowering her value and raising his. As her emotions began to wear on her, he became more valuable because she invested feelings, energy and time into a man who has better things to do than meet some girl]
This is a great explanation. I see guys getting a bit confused to what it means in social dynamics to be ‘higher value’ or ‘lower value.’ It is not so much one simply being a higher value person in a general sense (although this may be a part of what leads to it, I have also seen it have no effect) of social status.
As you can see, she valued spending time with him more than he valued spending time with her in that moment. She valued his company more at that time compared to how much he valued her company. He’d like to spend time with her, but had a few things higher in priority. Rather than value being rated on the general scope of things, it was amount of value time spend with the other meant to a person.
She will be processing what is being said and some expression will come with her remarks, you can see if she is getting engaged. Once the conversation starts, I watch her body language and overall energy and calibrate to it. It is nice to have energy slightly higher than hers is. Having it close will indicate rapport & being slightly higher will start to raise her energy, raise her vibe of fun because of you there.
After some back and forth [private]…body language flirts had gone back and forth, I stood up and walked across the subway car to where she was.
I saw there is a seat next to her, so I simply said as I was sitting down: “Hey, should we talk. Or continue to flirt from a distance?”
And the conversation was off & running. This is another great part of increasing your calibration. you can send body language signals and read them coming in to you so you can know which girls are receptive to you and which ones are in a zone to be meeting new people that day.
…because they don’t turn off the sexuality… [private]“nice” guys think women will be terrified of their
sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny.
The great part of this is, is that a guy does not have to be a bastard to keep this same attraction switch on. Keep sexual topics flowing freely from your mouth and she will see that sex is an acceptable topic to be discussing with you.
“I hear about all this equal rights talk going on. Did you know that women are capable of NINE different types of orgasms? Guys only get two types that we can have, this ‘nine’ business seems like you got a better end of that deal.”
Saying something like this opens the table for okay-ness to have sex on it and also shows a sexual intelligence that most guys do not have. If you know this much, she will go on to wonder if you know how to give her those nine types.
“Hey honey, don’t worry about it. I’m cocky for a big reason.:
Being strong in your masculinity reduces any neediness. Needy people suffer from habits of seeking validation from others. Two things must be done to end this habit. The first is to [private]focus your mind on appreciation – stop dwelling on all the stuff you want, and learn to appreciate areas that already satisfy…[private] you. Practice this every day. I recommend you do this during a daily routine like teeth brushing. Go through all the things that are going well and take moments to really feel the gratitude for each one.
Secondly, focus on appreciation when you socialize. Look actively for positive qualities in others, and let them know you noticed. I removed compliments from my vocabulary and just went on to notice what I like about people. They appreciate it more, it is much easier (just noticing) and it is always taken as honest, not contrived.
Also look for positive things about surroundings or situation and talk warmly about them, share them with who you are with. This discussion brings you both to the same page and you can enjoy together.
Also talk about good experiences you have had lately, emphasizing how good it made you feel. Discipline yourself to steer all conversations down this path. In no time, this will transform you from a needy guy, to the type of guy everyone loves to hang with. [/private]
If you are trying to fit into the norm in every area of your life, think about this: ‘average guy’ means just like all the rest. What is special about you that would cause her to choose you over any of the other millions of guys on this planet?
A woman’s attraction instincts would be invoked by [private]things such as humor, confidence, attitude way more then anything like looks or money. Of course those things would get a woman’s attention as a guy first walks in the room, once the conversation is started those factors seem to melt away.
Not only do you want to live an “above average” lifestyle, if you are approaching a new woman, being categorized as “average” in the first 90 seconds will shut off any available attraction triggers in her mind. The challenge has ended before it even has started.
When I see or hear of a guy seeing the woman he has interest in and then asking “do you have a boyfriend?” Or something very weak sounding such as: “can I take you out sometime?”… These type of things are indicating that a man has interest in the girl weigh more than well last if he gets to know her and she’s not that cool. She knows this. So many guys approach with these type of questions, that alone will write him off.
Listen, you want to find a girl that not only can catch your attention but can also hold it, right? Yes you should be open to meeting new people, meeting new women to see what they’re like unless not jump steps just yet. Start slow, even slower than that. Make your small moves to learn about the woman and see if she has interesting character to her.
“Beauty without character is like a masterpiece painted on a napkin.”
Then once the initial contact is made in a girl and a guy start to get to know each other, I have seen guys doing things such as buying her gifts, taking her to expensive restaurants and/or doing favors for her to earn her approval. A woman’s gonna find this very unattractive. These type of steps come from a man feels his inner character in real cell is unattractive and may be hiding is I’ll tear your motives are wanting to sleep with her.
Yes, sure, yes please go ahead and do those things once you have gotten to know a girl and she seems really special to you. You have gotten to know her enough to know that those type of rewards as mentioned above have been earned in time with her is rewarding enough to you to give her those things.
At the very beginning and meeting a woman not only do you want to know those things (how cool she is) she also wants to know those about you. Remember that. If she has caught your attention, you can easily bring her and you bolt to be feeling that excitement, tension, and attraction at the very beginning of your meet up. You never have to wonder where you stand with her, you are very sociable a and if anything, she should be curious to know where she stands with you. She should be carriers to know and to earn your time taking her along your adventures. Once you have learned enough about her, of course then you decide it is like to spend more time with her and maybe go through some of the dating rituals (if that is what you choose).
Think of it this way: one relationship is based and built upon two people that enjoy each other’s company very much and they enjoy each other’s personality. Compare that to another relationship whereas a girl decides to hang out with a guy because he buys her gifts, takes her on expensive dates, and does outlandish favors for her. (By the way as a relationship grows favors become a two-way street).
If you are in club with a buttoned shirt & one sleeve unbuttoned, you can ask a nearby girl:
“Hey, I’m meeting a friend in a second and I couldn’t get this button (Point to unbuttoned sleeve), do you think you could … ?”
Then I say: “Thanks, you’re really friendly. Who are you here with tonight?”[/private]
hold eye contact with every girl, longer than her – every time.
When you see a woman that you find attractive and she looks back at you DO NOT LOOK AWAY. Hold that eye contact. That you’re bold and [private]you’re proud about the fact that you were checking her out.. She is a woman, there for you to enjoy, to look at, to talk to, to eventually touch.
For example, when you are walking by stores in a mall, you are looking directly at every woman that crosses your path. Walk into every store, look directly into her eyes of every single woman that you encounter and do not look away until after she does.
To raise your bets, as soon as she has been holding eye contact with you for a whole second, let your smile fade in with second number two. If she smiles back, start taking steps towards her, she has just invited you to come over and say hi.
Once I meet them, my eye contact says: “I am interested in learning more about you, but I am not over powered by your presence in any way. I am soaking it in.” I look directly at them in the conversation and only glance away a few times as I am speaking to remember details of what I am talking about. They have my attention for the moment. As the conversation progresses, I break the eye contact, looking away, talking to other people..allowing myself to be distracted then coming back to look directly at them. This shows I am not needy in any way (and not a psycho).
When it comes to a first date, I don’t look at them very much. I act like they are my best friend. I joke around, I have fun, I make observations of goofy things around us. We are now on a team mentality, looking at the world around us from a shared perspective. Nothing is too serious and this keeps the question in her mind “Does he like me?”
[/private]
There are plenty of women to talk to. This time around you are just practicing to [private]learn your skills and refine them. Each person you get in a conversation with is just a practice-person, or a practice conversation, so to speak.
This way, you have no reason to worry at all about any particular outcome and can let your personality come forth in full flourish. You can say things that might be lightly shocking. The worst that can possibly happen is you will learn from it. It is a step toward to eventual success and by maintaining this mindset you will find, that a few minutes into a conversation already rolling “Hey this chick is kinda cool and pretty cute, maybe I will like her more than this encounter.”
There are plenty of hott, fun-filled women so this time around you are just practicing, fine tuning your calibration. There are no worries to any specific outcome.
The only possible results are successfully hooking her or a successful lesson.
[/private]
copy/paste the text, then click this to send it to yourself later:
…because you run out of things to say. Say anything.
As I tell my students, you are not done until [private]they walk away or they ask you to leave. This is very good practice.
Girls are built to be social creatures and will hardly ask a guy to leave. It can be a good test of yours to push the envelope (you will find it is a lot further than you thought) until they do ask you to leave.
If you have completely run out of things to say, share a trivia fact.
“Do you know which bird it is that can fly backwards?”
“The humming bird.”
Most often they don’t but I am enthusiastically excited when they do.
“Oh my god, that is awesome. Once I was told the answer, I remembered that I did know that hummingbirds can fly backwards but when asked as a question I tried to picture seagulls and pigeons flying backwards. That would never happen. That shows you are a very bright girl, which is cool, maybe if you are cool other ways you can help me study for my ‘underwater basket weaving’ class.”
…of others is knowing that it is not an exact science, it is just more of a hint.
Many times people will define a person with crossed arms, across their chest as defensive and cautious and many times this can be the case. However, it is not always a definite. They may be [private]cold or pensive or feeling like doing that for a number of other reasons.
The key to understanding common reasons people display certain body language cues is to understand the defined reason as a possibility, still looking for other cues to indicate the accuracy of your guess.
It also is helpful when you see several body language cues all meaning a similar state. The more of them you see, the likelihood is better of you able to read their mood or state of mind in different situations.
The other side of that coin is that by understanding body language, you are better able to communicate non-verbally by directing your body language with the messages you want to send.
It would be best to understand some basics to give you an outline, then understanding variations and more elaborate collections of cues.
Direct eye contact, since the dawn of history has been an indicator of interest and liking of another person. Of course a person in argument will have a similar level of directness to their eye contact, the other clues will explain the difference. If you look at the eyes, around them, how they sit, you can see a ‘smiling eye’ that tells you a bit more of a person’s sincerity to their liking.
Leaning forward towards you is a good indicator of rapport an interest. Once you see another person mirroring some of your gestures or picking up their drink when you pick up yours is again an even higher volume of this rapport and interest in you.
While some people who are actively engaged and listening to what you are saying may be nodding their head, if you see this nodding to be a little hurried, that usually means they are feeling a desire for the topic to be finished or for you to have finished speaking.
Many people will sit with their legs apart when they feel safe and self confident. A woman facing a man she is speaking with will sit this way unconsciously showing her feelings of safety and sexual interest, no guarding herself needed with the man.
When people are showing their open palms during a conversation, this usually is showing trust and interest in the other person’s opinions. When done when sharing opinions, it is generally a signal to their openness to hearing the other person’s point of view. It is very welcoming to see and will cause the other person to feel more open about sharing as well.
With eye contact, there are different levels of gazing and staring. The differences in how a person gazes at another can often tell what they’re thinking.
Women often use the sideways glance as a first signal of romantic interest. Because it is subtle and sly, this allows her to flirt without being obvious. Even if a woman may boldly stare at a guy she has interest in, she will demurely lower her head (to show safety in submitting to him) and tilt her head away from his. By having this available to her, she can hide her explicit flirt with and indication of coy shyness. If she has a prolonged glance over at you, this is a whole new story to unveil.
than anything hiding under the coyness of a shy frame. This is more of an indication of someone who wants to get right down to business. Usually this eye contact held so steady by a woman is an indication of sexual attraction or pure lust. Some girls, less bold but still interested, may give a direct gaze broken up with looks away and returns. At this point, her eye contact is intermittent yet still repetitive. If her gaze lingers on you in the middle of a conversation rather than during the introduction, this may just be showing her interest in the topic you are sharing.
enjoying the present moment, saying what is on your mind…
Always be very mindful of the environment you are in. Stay conscious of the present moment very carefully. No matter how much you see, there is always more you haven’t noticed yet. Look for it & be aware to see it. Consciously and aware at all times is very helpful
Staying conscious and aware of what you are thinking, gives you more control of [private] it. Sometimes you can just watch the thoughts go by and wonder what made you think them. If they are positive you can see how to make them grow. If they are negative, you can see how credible the evidence is that they are based on. You need to always know everything that you think feel and believe.
Stay ever aware of your here and now. Stay mindful of the people in your life, stay mindful of the people in your present environment at all times, out in the world. You are focused and alive in this present moment and aware of everyone that passes.
Stay focused and present in your moment at all times. Stay forever aware of the words that you say to yourself and what you say to others. This helps you to stay fully alive and present at all times. You are awake and alert, and awake to what is happening around you. Stay interested and aware of everything that is going on around you. Stay keenly aware of every sight, sound and scent around you.
[/private]
…. that they just met, the woman isn’t really sure or clear that he is interested in her directly. One way to playfully indicate this is to talk about it as future plans. “Oh my God, I am so totally going to start hitting on you in the future because…”
By doing this there is nothing to object to or to reject right now. It is a playful statement you made almost indicating that if she plays her cards right you will get hit on by you. This leaves the potential open without being too direct.
By using this future perspective you can lay [private] a lot of things out just as ‘potential’. “That is so cool! You love food and I love food”. “I love going to all these different new cultural and hole in the wall restaurants around town, we can be food buddies and check these places inside out.” This is no need for any specific logistical details, this is just indicating that if she does play her cards right there is another fun activity the two of you can do together.[/private]
Then closing ratio skyrockets when you get their [private] eyes locked on you before you even approach in the first place.
Girls are attracted and drawn to the alpha look with strong body language.
They can see high self confidence, high self esteem and social status.
They can easily see the leader of a group who is a challenge. This challenge creates intrigue. Be an experienced playa, intelligent and passionate with a lack of insecurity.
You can go through all of your ways, never seeking approval. That can be detected when you have high standards and credibility. [/private]
After I walked Stacy to her car, I was walking around the common when I spotted a girl sitting on the floor with a binder and a highlighter. She lit a cigg, and I took a few steps forward, stopped, and slightly turned my head and asked, “Excuse me, do you have an extra smoke?” She said that she did not and that she only had one more left. I told her that even if you were going to offer me that last one, I wouldn’t take it unless she kept insisting.
[private]
This made her chuckle. I looked at the window of an art store and asked which one was hers. She said that she didn’t have one, but knowing what kind of school that Emerson College is known for, I made a comment about her being an artsy major.
After that, I sat down a few feet away from her. Keeping my distance, I didn’t face her yet, but asked what she was working on. She said that she is at school trying to be a speech therapist. I told her that I stutter and then that lead onto a great conversation. Her exam was about stuttering, actually. I told her about how despite my verbal handicap, I still managed to do everything in the performing arts that I’ve wanted to do. Thus, concluding that stuttering is a emotional/cognitive state.
She agreed to that. I then said that she had a good vibe and all that jazz, then I said to her that we should hang out. At first, she said that if I hang out here a lot, I’ll be sure to see her again. I told her that the chances of us running into each other is pretty slim. However, when we do, it might be fate. Her eyes seemed to brighten up.
Then I asked her to hang out with me again. Asking in statement form, though. Like, “We should go get coffee sometime and just chill in the common”.She looked downward, towards me then said that she has a boyfriend and he would probably not like it.
I smiled and said, “I said, ‘hang out’, not ‘date’.” Now, after I said that, she takes out her phone and said, “Ok, if that’s the fact, then yeah. It would be cool to hang out. Maybe grab a cup of coffee or something.”
I told her about how my apprentice and I go do magic outside on the commons on Sundays or Saturday day. She said that she hangs out there a lot and was hoping to go see me one day. That was nice. We’ve been texting each other since.
~DSM[/private]
“Look< i hate to admit it, but I have caused break-ups on more than one occasion…”
“Ya, I can tell. Your boyfriend already wants me.”
restaurant or repaired a car somewhere, pay no attention if [private]she overpaid.
Don’t question what she paid and don’t assert that she got ripped off.
If she tells you ahead of time about a purchase she is going to make, go ahead and tell her what values you know to help her out, but after it is done leave it alone. [/private]
you can be saying “I am confident, I am in control and I am the selector.”
You can just be the one to[private] turn away first, walk away to give her some space and let what she has received as your vibe to sink in.
Squint a little bit.
If you see her pull back, you can pull back further. If you see any of her body language indicating that she is ready to walk away, pivot your body and point one of your feet away as if you are about to walk away. Many times, you will see this draw her in closer to keep you around. The subtle signals that come through body language are huge signals that reveal a strong inner belief and strong self confidence.
You can indicate subtle gestures that express power and dominance. You can offhandedly touch the small of her back and this makes her feel protected by you in a subtle way. Cupping her face does this and stroking her hair and head will do the same. [/private]
A little warm-up before going out on a clubbing night keeps the social wheels well lubed. Open some random people to get the momentum going & maybe you can hook a pivot girl for the night…[private]
Meeting two buddies at Fanueil Hall and we worked our way down the aisle. I need to take a squirt so we went looking for a Bathroom.
Outside of the entry door to the market place was a menu for the restaurant just inside. As we walked closer I saw the girl reading the menu by herself. One of the things we all learned is opening everybody no matter what… just to keep it as habit.
Without seeing her face yet, she could be stump-ugly for all I knew, so I just spun up next to her and started talking: “seen anything good, so far.” Now the thing is I just started talking before either of us saw each other’s face or eye contact or anything.
Before this, I saw she was petite, she had a good top of long blonde hair, and was dressed in fun looking contemp hip cloths. So yes that is what I qualified on up to this point, but there was no 3 second rule, no chance for either of us to start prejudging anything, just talk was going and our opinions would form at the rate of our dialog…
She turns around, turns out to be pretty cute. “Well, yeah it all looks good. Do they serve beer here?” She asks me.
“I would think so..”
“I guess yes, this is Mass, restaurants here can all can serve beer right?” Now that I hear she is from out of town, its time to cut the ‘menu’ thread.
“Oh yeah, where you from?” I ask
“Florida.” Which led to some common ground dialog for us, since I lived in Florida before. She lives in a completely different area but enough to get chatting about..
Listening to bits and pieces of why she is here, we chat it up for few. I saw her alone at the sign and now find out from out of town. On mini Vacation by herself? You know what that means!!! Girls get the Vegas vibe on any vacation. {‘What happens in Mass stays in Mass’ is gonna be going through a FL chick’s head at this point}
“What are you doing? Can I buy you a beer?” she asks.
I tell her: “Yeah. get us a table and order me a diet coke. I can stay for a few minutes..so I’ll be right back.” I hit the the bathroom and find my buds. I tell them I’ll need a few minutes and I’ll reconnect after this girl.
So spike her attraction, mostly listening, watching her talk while scanning her face. Watching her eyes, she sees me scan across her neck, up to her ears. I alternate looking at each of her eyes then down to her lips then to her eyes as I lick my lips, still just listening.
Keeping her talking was just about asking questions about her pleasurable subjects and interrupting her stories of bad things with unrelated random questions of good things. I want her to relate this time to good thoughts, happy thoughts.
We split a plate of some vegetable fra Diavlo and when I bring up the club I’m headed to, she says she wants to go but only has sneakers…
So I ask how long she is in MA for(couple days), then tell her of the next day’s club having the same dress code, so she gives me her number and tells me she’ll get the new shoes she saw that day… now that she has an excuse.., I give her a pinky promise to call & then a hug (at which she pecks my cheek)
My main point of this one, is how easy it is to roll when you don’t even see her much before you start talking. You don’t anticipate anything, she doesn’t either…you both come in talking and things roll as they do, easily.
Sure its like this: If you get talking and she is the type you are looking for: 10+ with an 11 personality(lol), then great, but if not that is great too. She will either be a friend, pivot or she was good practice to keep your momentum going.
As when C.J. steps into any venue, is welcomed with the word “unstoppable.”This rings through his thoughts as soon as he sees that he is in an environment to be interacting with women. This word keeps flashing through his thought board: (unstoppable.) This excites him full of life juice. He now knows there is no obstacle that can get between him and the goal that he loves the most: fun with women. When he walks into a party, [private]he always projects and ultra fun aura. Now that he is on the scene, the good times can really start.
I am thinking in my head: “Where ever I am is the place to be.”
You never know what adventure will be chased when hanging out with a CJ.
“The world is mine to enjoy.”
This love interaction is merely an ongoing session of batting practice. We are constantly interacting with women on a daily, and throughout daily perspective in a positive and self affirming way, it is all preparation. This is warming up so when the rate that comes along you are ready to hit that home run. Flirting with the girl who waits on you at the diner, receptionist, bank tellers… with every female you interact with. Even the old lady at the grocery store, you’re being so charming, polite, and establishing a momentary connection.
Even and especially if you’re not romantically interested in her — and in many cases you will not be — you do take the time to introduce yourself and say something to make her smile. Maybe you make her laugh. Her day will continue slightly better than if she never met you. You also distinguish yourself from ever every other guy she comes across.
If the waitress serves 100 customers in out day, it is you that she will remember next time you come in. You asked her name, took time to chat with her about her day, and referred her name several times through a conversation. Leaving a positive impression on every female you encounter. It’s amazing what a positive impression you can make simply by introducing yourself, expressing sincere interest in how her day has been going and paying her compliments.
When you put forth this positive energy, this is exactly what comes back to you on return. When you are charming and polite to waitress, she is going to give you the best possible service you can think of. Take those fun moments to establish a little connection with the pretty bartender and she will be the one to keep an eye out for you when you need a refill.
Start out with the understanding. Imagine if every single one of them has a pleasant opinion of you & have heard all the fun stories about you. She will be more likely remembering your name next time you visit and will be obviously willing to go the extra mile to help you out. When you are constantly eliciting positive reactions from women it does great things to boost your inter-state, your ego and your confidence. And it always seems easy when you are socially lubricated, say, when you’re warmed up. You feel good about your game and always in a constant state of readiness at a moments notice. Keeping this habit regular allows you to be operating at your peak level when the unbelievable bombshell crosses your path. You have been having friendly interactions with many women throughout the day so, instead of being anxious about talking to the gorgeous bunny just walking in the room, everything just comes naturally. You’ve been in the habit and momentum of regular practice your attitude becomes more relaxed, confident and shall pick up on the attitude which will also distinguish you from all the aggressive and over of obnoxious men she encounters.
Also by consistently doing this, you are acquiring new knowledge about women in general. Striking up many conversations throughout the day and keeping your detail attention on… you will learn so much about what interests them and as things that bother them. You see patterns and start to form an ‘in general’ field in you mind about women, which is nice, rapport seems easier to establish as this grows in you
I’m not so much talking about gaming the hired guns but think of this. When you go out to shop for clothes and the sales girl asks if you need any help, most guys have no intention of meeting people. Some may figure she has other things to attend to …so he just says ‘no thanks’ and moves along. But this is part of what makes her happy for her day having interesting and fun people to be of help to. Moving into the situation is fun with acknowledging her, giving her your friendly smile and just tell her: “right now just browsing the stacks.”
Maybe you compliment her on a positive aspect of her appearance, namely something she is wearing or has done to it. “That’s a really nice necklace you’re wearing. You mind if I ask where got it?” It could be anything that shows an interest is taken into how she looks. A pair of earrings, a matching outfit, or unique quality about her shoes. It doesn’t really matter… just to isolate one aspect of her appearance (that she worked on) and flatter about it. As a girl she will be more than happy to tell you where she discovered her ‘key find’ and this is a nice piece to file away for possible future reference.
Let’s say she bought it during a vacation in Jamaica. Now you have a little key point to reference during a future conversation with a woman. “That’s a nice necklace you’re wearing. I was talking to this girl he other day, and she had this cool necklace that she bought Jamaica.” Shows you are easygoing with women, and women travelers, which somewhat indicates qualities you have or like in others.
You could have just as easily complement to the sales girl on her hairstyle and said something like: “I really like your hair. A female friend is looking for a good hair salon.” If nothing else it is going to get the sales girl talking, which I think is very valuable skill to have. Learn how to get them talking and keep them furthering their points as you are paying attention to detail she mentions and filing away possible gems for later.
Without any “hired – gun’’ agenda, you will see how this takes a boatload of stress and/or pressure out of the interaction. You are just out shopping and making pleasant conversation with a girl who works there. So what if she is cute. Maybe you will want to take the conversation further and ask about cool shirts or jeans for men. This is part of her job and she will have fun showing you the latest fashions. Another great way to get tips in this area of your life. It is so easy to be casual, this encounters completely innocent without some of stresses that want to attach itself. You are not trying to pick her up, just reminding yourself you’re only lubricating your social gears. If you happen to feel like you really have a chemistry and want to see her again you can always ask for her phone number too.
By keeping this practice active, it all builds upon itself. Once a part of your daily routine, you become so comfortable around women and talking to a woman even for the first time in a day becomes something like second nature.
You will end up making great friends this way, and these are the ones who if you pay attention carefully enough will indicate all the inside tips you’ve been looking for. When I hear of guys having their ‘score count’ to be a priority, always looking for an SNL or a quick hook up, I know the strikeout ratio is higher on that level. This sort of approach with such a bad ratio of attempts to success …does seem like it’s going to have a large effect on your self-confidence and inner game. Since the success rate ratio would be the factor having a bad effect, this will cause you to become more desperate for success, maybe seemingly needy. On the other hand, by keeping regular chitchat with girls to be part of your habits, when the killer pitch comes at you you will be ready to hit it out of the park.[/private]
our own body language, our voice, what we are going to do next, we are [private] not focused enough on the other person. Read their signals & give them what they want, That is the key. [/private]
but having one foot pointing away makes it feel like less pressure to her and more casual to you both. A great way to open so she feels no ‘at-first’ pressure is to have [private] your body pointing away; at least your feet are pointing a different direction than where she is. Just turn your head towards her as you speak, your face pointing to her. It is very comfortable that way. This way also seems very spontaneous which women do love spontaneity. When you do sit down next to girls to say hi, you can take away this pressure by saying: “I need to go in a minute, but I wanted to…” (say hi, ask you a question, tell you about something, ect.)
When you do just have your head held in their direction, it is easy to get some interesting conversation going, and resume whatever you had your attention on before. This is a great way to do a little takeaway. This allows her to soak you in a bit; get a feel of your vibe, then start to want more of your attention. [/private]
Creating feelings and emotions subconsciously can be [private] done while elevating your target’s desire for you without even speaking. She can see the benefits of what I have to offer without me showing any self-interest. Every time I give her good attention, I will bust her chops and be teasing her about her insecurities. This will lighten the gravity about what she is insecure about when she is with you. When you are easily joking about them, it is as if they are no big deal to you therefore letting her take them as a lesser deal than she usually does.
Another way to be creating that sexual tension is to be only acting mildly interested in her, to almost indifference (more of this as you see her attraction go up). [/private]
[private]We are Men. We are guys whose majority of thinking is Led by their left brains thinking in a linear, logical format that operates on a time line. We are great decision makers, We balance the cost/reward factors well, and use previous results to determine the next best step to take.
Be interested in remembering each person’s name. Think about that. Think of how valuable it is to you [private] remembering each person’s name. Always having the name of people you are with on the tip of your tongue is very charming and another quality of a great leader.
When someone tells you the name, listen attentively and if unsure what it is, ask for a spelling even if it is basic. Tom can be spelled Thom and taking this simple step will further etch the name into your mind.
Usually it is easy to think of an association to something you are already familiar with. Maybe you know somebody else with that name or a movie star, character with that name. These associations can lead to some playful teasing and nicknaming.
You can visualize their name with your imagination by substituting the name with a silly picture. Think of examples like these:
Heather – Rhymes with ‘feather so you can picture a walking feather in front of you.
Ruth – Baby Ruth candy bar
Cindy – The girl version of Dee Snyder who is all about ‘sin’, Cindy becomes Sin-Dee
Bill – A thousand dollar bill with his face on it instead.
Anna – can be ‘Anna-Banana’ for a funny mental cartoon
Linking the silly picture to the person’s name with their face in it can give you the associations between each. Studies have found that our imagination is the top factor in making lasting memories so be as silly as you want.
Saying their name throughout the conversation makes a new imprint on your memory and a quick flash of the picture you created, for you to pull up in your mind will have amazing results. [/private]
[private]I have great points to the reasons why. Not to promote negativity. To be the positive only side to her life and to keep my energy, thoughts positive.
Things like “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Is no skin off the nose and doesn’t take responsibility for the reason.
(This covers thing for the most part, but sometimes women do need to fight…..every once in a while.)
My focus is getting to know others and sharing laughs with them.
If you go through your days like this, keeping your social gears moving on regular basis, you find yourself at totall ease approaching the women that catch your attention.
A few key things I want to point out with this seemingly simple statement :
I never use any “buzzwords” like “date” or “take you out” or “get your number”. These phrases instantly put up a girl’s defenses. I also don’t sound like I’m trying to skirt the issue, though.
I am genuine and that I’m interested in being her friend. I don’t sound like some sketchy guy that she wouldn’t want to trust.
I’m leading her to offer her phone number to continue this. There’s nothing worse than a guy saying, “Can I please have your phone number?”
At time I might suggest: “We totally gotta trade contact” when I am having fun talking to her, she is fun to talk to.
First, since you have previously made a good connection for you to disconnect from, this gives her the space, the need to pursue you. When you disconnect properly, [private]you become a commodity that she wants to have more of. When you are the one man who is not groveling for her attentions, you already are standing out from the rest.
This is not harshly pushing her away forever. You are just creating a distance between the 2 of you that looks to her as a distance she can bridge. This sort of distance causes you to become interesting to her.
If you give her a truth disconnect or even bust her on bad behavior she is likely to explain herself or even apologize. Stay observant to the truths around you and those truths about her. Doing this without much opinion added to it is something people realistically look at and adjust their behaviors for a more favorable truth to be revealed about themselves.
If you want to have chemistry with a woman, you both have room to move in; room to move towards each other. If you don’t give her room to move towards you, you won’t have chemistry and that will have you rarely getting success. If you go and fulfill all of a woman’s desires, she has nowhere to go but away.
I see many guys who aren’t giving the girl room to move towards them. If you are always moving towards her she has no room to move towards you. Disconnection gives her room, and a desire for you that is unfulfilled and draws her in your direction. These show difference between you and her and cause her to work for your approval.
Disconnection shows you are a strong, bold interesting man. Disconnection creates controversy which is interesting on every level. Controversy is inherently interesting.
[/private]
“Listen< i am for the thoery to ‘Make awkward sexual advances not war’ so if you play your cards right…” andd then I change the subject letting her curiosity grow.
[private]“Isn’t that pathetic? “ & she asks what do you mean. “When a guy does things like that, you can tell he is probably a nice guy with good intentions. He’d enjoy nothing in the world more than to be with you. But then he goes and gums the whole thing up by kissing your ass like that. What a shame. He doesn’t get it. He has no idea what’s attractive to a woman.”[/private]
Somebody recently was asking me about what signals to look for to let them know that a girl they have just met is interested in them.
There actually are hundreds but the good news is is that they’re all very related in a way of each other. This way when you see something similar you can pretty much read it the same way. Let me start you off with some examples that have been with a girl you first meet.
Does she ask your name? That right there is showing that from whatever has happened between you two up until this point has her interested enough to want [private] to know more.
Does she touch you when she’s talking? Girls don’t touch every man they speak with, so this can pretty much tell you that she sees a green light with friendly affection.
Often when girls see a guy they are interested in they will instantly start to fix their hair or putting themselves in some way. Even though it is pretty blatant, you will often see a girl putting on lip gloss or Chap stick when she catches sight of a guy she’s into.
When a girl is talking to a man she’s interested in, she first will face the man she’s speaking with. After the actual start turn her whole body. By seeing this, I recommend you start to do the same and turn your body to face her as well.
If you’re standing among a group of people in a venue and you see her look up at you for no apparent reason, I think it’s a safe bet she has you on her mind.
[private]It is quite easy to mix in a lot of teasing into the first few minutes of a conversation with a new girl. You can make it very clear that you do not put a mark on any kind of pedestal. As she is telling you different points you can easily say “Oh reeeeallly?” or “Uh-huh” as you would if your little sister was telling you her newest fabrication of fiction.
This is another great way to clearly indicate her that her beauty has no intimidating power over you whatsoever. Obviously she’s going to wonder what makes you so confident, especially since every other guy seems to supplicate her every beck and call.[/private]
Not in a club. This will have her visually scanning the room over your shoulder. Do not lose eye contact. Keep the eye contact. You can be having a good conversation at a kissing [private] distance. At a kissing distance. Very close it can keep the uninterrupted eye contact. You can triangulate your gaze on her while she is talking. While you are talking, keep increasing the length & frequency of your pauses. Look at her lips in the pauses shows her lips are distracting you a bit. This will significantly raise the sexual tension.[/private]
[private]After a few minutes I went by, and you see she is engaged in talking to you & completely facing you, you can stop bantering and start letting her know who you really are. I see many guys continuing on in the major excitement and attraction type talk well after they have her well interested. I think most guys do this because the behavior causes girls to show how attractive they are and this can be quite intoxicating to be receiving this kind of attention. The thing is, once you see the interest engaged you definitely need to start building some lasting rapport. You can always come back to the fun stuff in a little bit. Start talking about points in your real life, challenges you are really facing, about the embarrassment at your last family function. If you hear her mention parts about her family or growing up, ask for more details of the real stuff. These type of topics lead to real connection that is easy to bring back in other conversations later.
[private]When you hear those feeler ‘qualifying questions’ from a girl to you, mark it in your mind is a good sign. She is interested in you enough to want to know more and see more of what you’re like. She might say “So what do you do” as with all the questions, especially the qualifying ones, I use these as opportunities to joke or tease with her. You have her undivided attention; play with it a little bit like she is your little sister. If she asks me “So CJ, what do you do” I might tell her “I’m an ice sculptor. Last night I perfected the cube. You wait; with this tray I’ll be doing 12 next week.” Now I’m not saying you never tell her. I just put it off for the time being in the beginning. There will be an automatic stereotype of some sort attached to every profession there is. By deflecting for the time being avoids this and more indicates your likelihood for joking and being playful AND this also shows that earning her acceptance is not on your list. You know how cool you are, you have no need to give her your verbal resume. I do eventually tell her one of two ways. If she asks a second time in the conversation it shows she is really interested. I may tell her then jump to a story of what I wanted to be when I was a little kid, This is giving her the factual information she wants, still maintaining a better fun theme to what you guys are talking about.[/private]
Another great thing to make sure you keep in mind is that there is never a need to avoid potential conflicts. Being a highly confident and strong man, knows that the best ideas are often presented with counterpoints. This is fine. If it was a boring topic or issue, no one would spend the time trying to oppose it.
Remember that it is okay to have some conflict. Even powerful emotion will raise attraction so her quick spurt of an angry face is not a thing to take seriously. You have just met this girl she is still treating you as a non-person to her world, also seeing how you react under different situations.
If she does give you a quick angry anything in the first few minutes you have met her, take it as a joke. Make a joke of it. You can call her cute for getting all huffy about a silly joke you made. Reach across and sideways hug her as if you are consoling her little tantrum.
If you think about it on the same level, since you just met this girl, you have no reason to care what she thinks yet. She is still a new person to your world and you have not learned enough about her to see if you want her to a friend of yours, If her energy compliments yours.
When meeting new people, there is no reason to really care what they think about me or what I have to offer. They detect this lack of care, this supreme confidence which is really attractive in itself. Since they are not top priority and there is not any reason to worry. Stay focused on the feel good topics you know, those that make you feel good and seem to be contagious to those around you.
Never worry if she sees something in you that might push her away. It always good for you to have the ‘warts & all’ perspective about what you project. If you do welcome her into your world for a longer period of time, she will see those anyways. It shows a higher confidence when a person see’s no big deal in their own faults.
“You’re[private] pretty cool. You can help me pick up chicks.”[/private]
This takes the possibility out of her head that I was hitting on her while still putting us on the same team mentality.
[private]“Look man, most guys approach women and bore the HELL out of them. They ask predictable questions and do NOTHING to spark that initial interest. Me, on the other hand, I always communicate with women in a language that immediately challenges them. I tease the crap out of them, but they LOVE it. And I talk about things that are EMOTIONALLY exciting to them. You would call this FLIRTING. Most girls are asking for something more, contact info, to hang out, indicating sexual interest clearly..” [/private]
When you are giving gifts or tensions are actually anything really, give small tastes of each.
You can just be giving enough of a sample to let her know how good something is, and then stopped for a bit so the goodness can soak in, she can enjoy it, and then she can long for it a little.
If you decide to touch on a new way, whether it’s a casual affection for intimate caress, just doing it long enough to let her know how good it is and for it to soak in. Now she can have a chance to enjoy the whole sensation and to feel the whole sensation so can while it fades she will feel the lack of it too
We seem to notice more, and tensions can be fully focused about things that are new to us, that have novelty. At first we will focus more on new mysterious things to try and understand them and figure them out.
These are not like things that we think we already know, take a previous conclusions and quickly move on. This is another reason to keep lethal secrets and just tease her with hints.
…an underlying theme in a girl’s world but also showing that you are[private] making an exception for the girl you just met is easy.
I do this by saying something that has both ideas in it like this:
“Well I just don’t give my number to chicks that I meet in the world anymore…but if I put your name on your number, I would pick it up when you call.” As I hand her my phone.
When you first approach a woman to open her and say hello or something, I usually start off with my body positioned in a very non-threatening way. I heard somebody explaining a technique when women were walking, to walk a bit ahead of them and turn back to start the conversation.
Instead of this, when I see a girl at the same bus stop I am or [private] in the train station, everybody is facing the same way. She may have caught my eye, but I haven’t revealed this to her yet. Maybe I just casually, nonchalantly walk near where she is, positioning myself just a few feet in front of her.
Then is is very inconsequential to gaze around the area. When my eyes land on her, in that moment I begin the conversation. Once she is participation I will slowly turn my body more towards her. This subtly indicates the reward she gets form active participation, my turning around to give her more complete attention.
I have found it very funny to see, that when I delay turning around towards her, girls have make a few extra steps to then be standing in front of me which is nice to see.
In most other types of venues, I will position my body to be next to hers, but pointed a little away from her direction. I can easily turn my head towards her to start talking. As the conversation ensues, I only have to turn my body slightly and it still stays very non-pressure, easy going. If you notice, guys usually sit across the table from people they are close too, while girls like to sit next to people they are close to.
Being next to someone you are speaking with is very easy to turn more to them, tough them at random places through the conversation, and still has an underlying theme of teamwork since you both are viewing the world in front of you from the same perspective.[/private]
“Ahh, I know why I didn’t like you…” where you can take[private] something ridiculously non-important to tease her about. “Your fashion is so close to Miley Cyrus…”
Another way to soften a tease, when you see she takes it too hard “Nah, I ‘m just kidding (as I touch her arm or shoulder) stay close.”[/private]
Another way to begin the momentum of her curiosity is to pick something about her. Then say [private] “You know what they say about women who….****.” (Whatever I can see about her). But I don’t tell her, I just look at her in a knowing way.[/private]
When she asks me for some random supplication, asks me to do something for her,[private] I tell her in an over-exagerrated way: “I can’t do THAT!” to make it seem huger than it is, totally joking.
…your fancy for the moment WILL NOT GET YOU KILLED.
Something that is in your survival instinct may give you the sensation for a second but since your logical mind can overcome the instinctual pattern.
Do this with [private]a few really deep breaths will kick in your parasympathetic nervous system.
That is what calms us in times of stress so we look and feel the reality of a situation.
There is a jackpot of reward, available and to be gained by just starting things off with a simple: ‘Hello, how are ya. My name’s XXXX”
And since you have this amazing power to calibrate the risk taking strategies, it is time to start valuing successes and not caring about failures since they don’t actually hurt you anyway.
Anytime you look to the future, remember the successes over any failures and imagine a future filled with successes instead. Successes such as those in tenfold.
[/private]
After conversation is running along & I see her attraction is raised enough to start investing more into the conversation, she tilts the topic to be rambling on about trivial complaints she has.
“Why don’t you keep your mouth shut?” I ask her with a[private] playful smirk. She looks at me with disbelief that I just said that.
“What?” She asks, I guess to see if I will say it again. I said it, she heard it, time to move on.
Instead I just start rambling about a silly topic:
“I heard they’re gonna open a strip mall at Chili’s. Two-for-one appetizers. I’m going to get pizza pockets. And you get the spinach artichoke dip.”
I play mock her voice: “I’m going to get chicken fingers.’’
“ But you’re already getting a chicken Caesar salad.” I tell her in my own voice.
“Ya, but, they’re two different kinds of chicken.” I mock her voice again. She is laughing. I just wanted to change the subject so I ask her: “Have you tried the Ethiopian food in Central Square?”
When she tells me she hasn’t I go into describing how fun it is then I tell her. “I haven’t been there in a while. I’ll go with you, maybe next week & I can teach you what I know so far.”
I say: “Hey! Look at you! That tells me a lot about you.”
“That tells me you’re one of those [private] little spoiled rich girls.” I continue. “I think you’re a daddy’s-girl. You’re a daddy’s girl, aren’t you?”
“Slow down, what’s coming from this?…Oh ya poor little baby. You know what I like to do to poor little babies like you? Go down the street and get seven Mexicans. They can all bang you and satisfy your curiosity.” [/private]
There is no need to take anything too seriously when you are[private] out. Keep looking around the room. Make fun of things that you spot around you. As soon as she joins you in this you are in a team mentality, looking at the world from a shared perspective.
[private]“Somewhere Between Aloof and Instantly in Love. As the law of supply and demand goes, we want to crave your attention before we get it. Once we have it, though, it’s nice to be reminded that you only have eyes for us.”[/private]
Once they have started investing their energy into the conversation then you see they are becoming engaged in the conversation. At that point, it is a good time to [private] notice something about them, anything.
There is a place you can do your goofy cold reads: “It seems like you are the good one and you are the bad one. I’m glad you guys have each other to keep yourselves balanced out. That’s okay, I’ll toss you guys up on my shoulders as my angel and devil whenever I have a dramatic decision to make. We’ll be rolling down the street with each one of you on my arm…anytime there is a decision to be made, each one of you can whisper in my ear and I can see whose suggestion is more tempting.”
get in a conversation right away with the first people you see. Having such an immediacy to be talking, it looks as if friends were expecting you. [private]Stay in conversation with somebody the whole night. Staff, patrons and plow on to keep conversations going. Bounce from group to group then you can start introducing people you met that night to each other. You have become the most sociable guy in the club.
…that she is interested and then it is time to start qualifying her.
By her asking you qualifying questions, this is a subtle signal of [private]interest in itself.
To answer her questions through jokes and sarcasm will keep you an uncovered mystery she wants to know more about, but she will still answer the same questions she has just asked you. [/private]
One way to do this is offhanded comments that show you know her perspective.
You can keep it playful and joking, just say something like this:
“There was a [private]gay bartender that was giving me free drinks. Do you think he liked me or do you think he liked me/liked me?”
Using that phrase ‘liked me or liked me/liked me’ has been a girl term for many years defining the difference between a friendship liking a person has versus a liking that may be more. It is a subtle and joking way to indicate that you do ‘get it’ and know where women are coming from.
“Was it a date or was it a date-date?” is another example how girls are saying more between the lines. Have a good time, each thing you try gives you more concrete results to modify your techniques to your personality and to the situation you are in. [/private]
[private]“Hey knucklehead, show’s over here, thank you very much.” There is great value in creating and maintaining curiosity in the girl about you. This is part of starting, building and maintaining the momentum of her chasing you, in pursuit of you. Fact of the matter is, is that both the girl and the guy are truly happier this way. A girl has been pursued her whole life, since she hit puberty. Guys have been pursuing women since puberty too. She actually feels refreshed when she is pursuing the attentions of a man, and vice-versa. A point recently brought up that is an excellent factor in this is maintaining her curiosity about you. An example is the ‘open loop’ factor. By opening a curious thread, then marking it and saving it for later will leave her curious to know more from you. Here, like this: Let say we are talking about a random topic. I may interject the topic with a statement like this. “By the way, I’ve noticed something about you. I’ll tell you about that in one moment, but before I do…” Then I continue what we were talking about before I interjected that point. Now here curiosity is left open, like an open loop. On some of these she may not need to know th rest where you can bring it up later, but best bet, since it is about her, she will have this question ringing in her head quite a bit. She may let the current topic finish out, but often, since it is about her, she will try to cut things off and get you to tell her the rest. Now you have a sweet spot. You can continue to tease her, holding off the answer, treating her like your little sister that wants that last candy bar you got. You can continue to redirect back to the original topic, trying to keep her actively engaged & participating, even though the open loop will be ringing in her head. Based on her persistence, I may praise her “I like a girl who knows what she wants and actively pursues it until she gets it.” There is some subtext, some underlying meaning to making that statement to her. As she gets frustrated you can hug across her shoulders as if you are jokingly consoling her frustration. “Patience, sweetheart, best things come to those who are patient.” If you can alternate your reasons and format of putting her off, you can gauge when a good time to close the loop would be, to tell her the rest of the idea. As with other kinds of beneficial teasing, as long as you can hold her off, it will be a playful spot holding her want of some thing from you. This also is subtly showing her that you are a teasing like person and will keep her wanting more in other, more intimate situations.[/private]
over the phone, you can indicate you’d like to see her without any pressure involved. [private]
“Hey it was great talking to ya. I’ll tell you what, I’m real busy. I’ve got a lot going on but I’d love to see if we could get together, get a cup of coffee. Maybe you could catch my attention. Coffee is great too because if you are boring or psycho I can escape politely.”
By saying this indicates you are a busy guy with a lot going on in your life. Although you are busy, you’d like to take a short block of time to see what she is like, to see if you’d like to have her in your life regularly. The ‘boring or psycho’ joke is thrown in to show that you think of similar things that women do when they go on first dates, capturing the frame and owning it for yourself. [/private]
[private]I’ll escalate. I may slap her on the ass and tell her to get away if she’s being bratty (of course, with a big smile on my face and NOT emotionally reactive.)[/private]
…I can just offer her my arm, and say: “Hey lets go see what adventure is in THAT room.” [private]
Even if she is with her friends I may say, “Hey I’m gonna borrow your friend for a minute.”
Look around the room/venue you are in. Find something cool tho check out. “OMG, look at that over there, let’s go check it out.” and take her hand & start walking. Here you are starting to do things a couple for the moments and can start exploring the nearby world around you as a couple, a team perspective.
Rather than the pressure of getting to know each other better, you can remove any pressure from her & she will learn about you and you about her along the way in more of an offhanded way. It’s a lot more fun & leads to a better rapport, making team memories in the process.
I see a lot of guys asking questions about how it can be and how it is so easy to just kiss a girl. In the same way as many of the other things I’ve told you about, this begins with the momentum started and then[private] built upon. If you can keep touching and easy-going affection to be regular from the get go, then the case ends up being no problem at all.
When I meet new people, new girls during conversation I am actively touching them. I may make a point and touch them briefly on the arm.
If you look how many European people are very touchy throughout the conversation, you’ll understand that it’s not as big a deal as many guys assume.
Even if she says or does something playfully mischievous, I may a lightly whacked her arm or honk her nose. After some time to the conversation with me randomly touching her to make points, the actual act of us touching each other is no big deal. It’s easy-going, without any pressure, just like old friends would act.
Without having this from the get-go, many guys find that leaning in for a kiss is such a big move, a big jump. It would be this way unless you’ve been touching her all throughout your interaction so touching and your closeness is no big deal, you’ll find it’s much easier to have that point when leaning and just a little bit closer is very very easy.
In another bit I will cover is the ways to build up her sexual tension enough so that she is very much craving your kiss, but before that I want to express that if you’re touching and easy-going affection is no big deal, it’s a much smaller jump when you want to kiss her.
Touch her, touch her, touch her. Friendly affections is so easygoing when you start right at the beginning. While your talking, touch her arm when you are making a point. Touch her back when you are making a point.
When you guys are crossing the street together, put your hand on her lower back. This will give her feelings of safety and comfort, jus tin your touch alone. When you are entering a new venue or walking through a crowded one, put your hand on her lower back to guide her. This gives girls a very comfortable feeling of being protected and looked out for.
If I see a girl with a heavy sweatshirt in an indoor venue that’s not cold, I may tease her and make fun of her in a playful way that she is overdressed. Right after this, I may pull her sweatshirt zipper down a few inches, teasingly. On more than one occasion I see a girl will decide it isn’t cold and take the sweatshirt off to be more comfortable.
as if you known her longer. You both will feel it and a little lean in to be talking close will not be awkward nor too much of a surprise for her to deny you about.
[private]When I see a group of people I am interested in, I will start by raising my glass and giving a “cheers” to everyone looking my way. I usually walk around a venue like I own it, because in my world, I do own it. Not so much the club, but the atmosphere is mine to be in the moment, I am in them. I’ll ask people if they’re having a good time and making sure everyone is having fun. They may assume I am the club owner, but I really am just interested that they are having a good time and if there is anything I can do to improve the time they are having.[/private]
The reason I hardly use anything of a direct compliment of beauty is because of the truth of the matter. It takes way more than beauty for me to want a girl more than one night. That’s just me personally.
Sure a woman’s good looks can [private]catch my attention, but it takes much more than that for her to be able to hold it. I have dated plenty of models, strippers and perfect 10s but if she is boring, psycho or another version of the crazy cat lady, I have better ways to spend my time.
I always want to see what she is like first. I may subtly indicate something about her has caught my attention, but clearly letting her know I want to know much more before my final decisions are made..
Not only does this qualify the type of high quality woman I want in my life, a woman values what she has caught with the essence of her personality much more than what her good looks (thank her parents) will get her. “Hey, you seemed to have a good energy about ya, I wanted to say ‘Hi’ to see what you’re like.”
It is another part of generating her to be chasing you from the first moment. A woman isn’t about to chase a guy she thinks she has won over because she had been blessed with some genetic perfection. She is going to work at getting and having the man that her conscious actions and behaviors have earned her. By this, she knows that she can continue her good behavior to keep him around even when she is sick in bed and can’t pretty-up for the day.
That’s just from my experience & preference. Guys get their successes in all sorts of ways…”Hey, with 3.4 billion women on Earth, there is no absolute method, just formulas for best results.”
(Yes, sometimes I do use the “I thought you’re cute & wanted to say hi” but I don’t do more than that since ‘cute’ can relate to more than her looks…and “Beauty without personality is like a masterpiece painted on a napkin” The reason I say ‘thought’ is that it was my first impression and now by talking I am checking if she lives up to my guess, but that’s just me.)[/private]
“Appreciation of things as they are allows us [private]to experience joy and satisfaction in what is currently available. It also supports a feeling of being free from rules and expectations, allowing us to appreciate what is and to create what we want”.
to show and express his sexuality, his masculinity in its true form.
By building up her excitement and passion with you while keeping your obtained-ability to be slightly out of her reach…for her to not know for sure, this is key. Keeping you slightly out of her reach to fully capture, keeps her attraction switches to be fully on.
[private]
People always want more what they cannot have, but what they want most is what they almost can have, but not quite yet. When it is just barely out of their reach, they see what reward they will get if they work just a little bit harder. While she is thinking she can almost have you, this keeps her in full pursuit.
If you are too easy to get, she is going to lose interest and chase a different prize. If you are too hard to catch, her efforts are going to show her no results so then she would chase somebody who she thinks she can catch.
By keeping her in that ‘almost’ state keeps her chasing and each time you give her a tiny bit more of you, she feels a big reward from that. Like dangling a piece of string for a cat, almost within reach so it plays. Every so often it catches a piece of the string with a claw but it is pulled away so it wants it more, it beefs up its strategy. It keeps playing, it keeps chasing.
[/private]
Heather announces “This is Jodie, she’s my princess….the coolest!”
Telling Jodie my name, I go on to [private] introduce myself, the group-hug them both. Then I ask Jodie what she likes best about Heather is? She tells me Heather looks out for her friends before looking out for herself, that she can make a party out of a board meeting, and that she is the sweetest girl ever.
“That’s sounds about right.” I tell them. “I like a party girl who takes care of who she loves.” and I give them both a high-five. In that simple move I have found out what I like to be in a girl to be in my life.
I showed how much I do like that and kept the playful affection to be easy going [/private]
[private]If you are trying to fit into the norm in every area of your life, think about this: ‘average guy’ means just like all the rest. What is special about you that would cause her to choose you over any of the other millions of guys on this planet?
A woman’s attraction instincts would be raised by things such as humor, confidence, and attitude way more than anything like looks or money. Of course those things would get a woman’s attention as a guy first walks in the room, once the conversation and started those other superficial factors seem to melt away.
…momentum while at a nightclub was that I asked her if she likes old landmarks. “You know those that have been there forever and you feel like you’re in an old Scorcese movie?” She tell me: “Yes” and I say: “Me too.”
Since I was casually watching our drinks, [private]
we finished them at the exact same time. Then I showed her in my expression that a phenomenal idea just popped in my head: “Have you heard of the Enormous Room?…That is exactly the type of place we were discussing, let’s go check it out. It’s right around the corner. Aw, what the hell. If we don’t like it, we can come right back, I’ll leave my tab open.”
All I did was to suggest something that I pre-qualified as an interest we shared. Ten minutes later we were splitting a combo appetizer plate, sitting on the bench-couches in the enormous room.
[/private]
Not having a guy orgasm during a sexual encounter does leave a heavy open loop in a girl. Usually I use this loop in a single night to keep her coming back to me wanting more, allowing me to bring her to higher and higher orgasms with each attempt she has.
This creates a reward pattern of her coming at me sexually. Also with having the opportunity to bring her to major heights in climax that she may have never had before or definitely isn’t used to, that will stay on her mind and have her back for more repeatedly. [private]
Learning through practice, the discipline to hold yourself off from orgasm can be incredibly valuable. Although I hear a lot of buzz about ‘getting a girl to have a squirting orgasm’ recently, not every girl will let that happen in her body. I read a paper bound book about squirting years ago and have seen that it can be amazingly satisfying for a girl. The only sticking point, is that a girl has to be totally willing and wanting for it to happen. A huge part of being able to make that happen, like other sexual magic, all starts in a girls mind & emotions before anything else….and carrying everything along its way.
One thing I found that works with any girl to increase the volume of their magical moment, and also maintains the momentum of her to be in pursuit of the guy, starts with that discipline I just mentioned. I like to tease a girl until she is begging to have me inside of her. Like many parts of her in pursuit of the guy, it is both satisfying for the girl & the guy. I love to hear a girl begging for my cock to be inside of her.
I have written posts about a slow teasing pattern that works in oral sex on a girl, so this is about intercourse teasing. To lay out the groundwork, I can start explaining from the point when you both are naked. Let’s say she is naked and lying on her back, she is ready to take you inside of her. You are naked and perched in a way above her.
I do not put my cock in yet. I take the tip of it and rub all around her vaginal lips, down one side then up the other. Maybe her I go to making out a little bit again, then brush across those lips from side to side with just the tip of my cock. “Does that feel good?” I may ask. At this point I will not enter her at all, I am now playing all around her vagina just with the tip. This is getting her very aroused, wet and super turned on in desire. From everything she knows about sex, this is the time she knows she should have a cock inside of her, but it hasn’t happened yet. She wants it.
As I said, most of the magic a girl will feel starts in her mind and her emotions so I playfully talk to her this whole time. I tell her she feels good, that she is so wet, that she feels hot, I feel the heat of her pussy. Since I know what a main thought is on her mind, I capture that and tell her “I want to feel inside you so bad.”
Sometimes a girl will say right away “Then put it in!” or something. I do not. Even though she just said that I will still ask her “Do you want me to?” She’ll say yes & I say “Then say please.” This whole time I am still tickling her pussy with the tip of my cock. Sometimes she will try to get it easy and just say “Please” but that still isn’t enough.
“No hun, tell me to put my cock in you please” as I am still tickling and teasing her with the tip of my cock. Up and down both sides of her vaginal lips, across them back and forth and the tip even between her lips, feeling her wetness but not inserted at all. I keep doing this while kissing her neck sometimes until she says what I asked her to say.
Once she says that I put about ½ of an inch in, still rubbing up and down her lips but inserting this ½ inch and pulling out, rubbing her wetness all over the sides of her lips too. “Ok, but just a little bit.” (a game called ‘just the tip, just for a second, to see how it feels.) She will feel this wetness; the coolness of the air where she is wet will let her feel her wetness, turning her on even more. I will do this for a little while since the longer you can do this the more desire for a cock in her will totally increase.
After a few minutes of this I will ask her “Does that feel good?” Which she will tell me “Yes.”
I confirm what she said by telling her “So good” which she very much like to hear. Then I will ask her “Do you want me in you more?”
When she says “Yes” I will instruct her again: “Then ask me.”
If she just asks without the please, once again I will tell her to say the whole sentence, adding ‘please’ to it. Once she complies with my request to ask a certain way, I will comply with her request. Still this time I will enter her more but only a whole inch of my cock will enter her. I will put in an inch, take it completely out so it rubs her front lips a lot, this is affecting her clitoris. “That’s all for now.” I will go back to rubbing up and down the lips, then only putting my cock an inch in. Rubbing up and down her lips and across, side to side, is making vibrations that will be tickling her clitoris while indicating the possibility of the whole cock in her which she wants so much more at this point. The longer this is done, the more this will increase her desire, and increasing her climax when she finally gets it.
With the things said, and the holding back, this teasing is what engages her mind and emotions to be on the same wavelength as her body, increasing what her body feels. Every time you pull completely out, and hold outside of her for a moment, she is feeling the sensations she just felt with a cock in her but now those feelings are fading. She likes those feelings, she wants more. Not only is this significantly turning the volume way up on her desire, it is showing a man with great discipline which she will be very attractive to her.
From her experience with men who want to get her to bed and get right down to business right away, doing this has you sticking out in her mind already. Then when the sexy-time is over, even days later she will be daydreaming, recalling the encounter, wanting more.
So for each step, I ask her if she wants more, I get her in the habit of asking me with please. As her desire grows she will start asking just because you showed her what gets her more, then held off for a while with only 1 & ½ inches in her. She knows what will get her more; her desire is up so high she will start emotionally begging. Each time you can hold off. As she is asking for more on her own, you can hold off longer & she will ask over and over, it will get her sexually begging. This is a place both the guy and the girl are happier and getting more fulfillment.
As you progress in ½ inch increments, you will see her moving her body in ways to get you deeper. She may even wrap her lags around your hips to pull you in. The more you can hold off, even resisting these moves with your strength; she will try harder and try different ways, till the sex becomes a play wrestling game. I will continuously remind her: “Not yet honey” if she tries to pull me in without asking. She is asking you in a voice of desperation, wanting your cock in her, and making moves to get more. This is fantastic momentum to be in and maintain as long as possible. The longer you can hold each step to be, before advancing to the next one will be building up a steam like pressure. The longer you hold off, the larger her orgasm will be.
Once you do get to that place where you are all the way inside of her, pelvis to pelvis, I would not just take up the in-and-out, jackhammer routine. If you can tilt your pelvis in a rocking motion over hers, you will be stimulating her clitoris with a whole cock inside of her. This doesn’t normally happen. If every guy she has ever been with has given her the jackhammer routine, sure it feels good to a point, but not as in depth with feelings as this.
To keep variety in the rocking, I will take my cock completely out of her. I then will pause for a moment to let the feelings she just had sink in and her desire to rise again. Sometimes coming completely out of her, then back in will alternate the deep feelings of cock with the lips that will jiggle her clitoris a bit. Alternating these sensations for her will give her an orgasm on a wider, larger level.
Then other times, taking the cock completely out of her, pausing, then just play with her lips with the tip of your cock as you did before. Again this is going to be tickling her clitoris, and teasing her to want your cock inside of her even more since she just had those feelings and wants them again.
Although other things can be done with a girlfriend that is more comfortable on the trust level and all of that, I have found this to work almost every time, even with a first night with a girl. There has been more than one girl who has told me that she only can come when she gets oral & girls have said they only come when they are on top. In both of these types of situations, I have brought them to orgasm in a way they didn’t know was possible, missionary position with me on top. Although it may not be my favorite position for sex, I do know there is something very fulfilling for her on another sense from face to face intercourse with her on the bottom.[/private]
Another great part of ‘socializing with the club’ or opening many groups was using the jealousy factor a step further with girls. My buddies used to love when I did this next part because it seemed as if someone was always getting laid the nights I did this.
Back when I lived in a place where it was easier to be bringing a bunch of people back to my place, late at night, and not be bothering any neighbors, this was great. As the night at the club was getting closer to when the club would close. I would ask a group of girls (that I been touching base with all night) what they were doing after the clubs closed. Usually they have no plans except maybe an all-night diner.Read more »
[private]When you first approach a woman to open her and say hello or something, I usually start off with my body positioned in a very non-threatening way. Neil Strauss had a technique explaining when women were walking, to walk a bit ahead of them and turn back to start the conversation. I myself found this a little dorky unless the context of the moment was very natural.
Instead of this, when I see a girl at the same bus stop I am at or in the train station, everybody is facing the same way. She may have caught my eye, but I haven’t revealed this to her yet. Maybe I just casually, nonchalantly walk near where she is, positioning herself just a few feet in front of her.
After a few minutes go went by, and you see she is engaged in talking to you & completely facing you, you can stop[private] bantering and start letting her know who you really are.
I see many guys continuing on in the major excitement and attraction type talk well after they have her well interested.
I think most guys do this because the behavior causes girls to show how attractive they are and this can be quite intoxicating to be receiving this kind of attention. The thing is, once you see the interest engaged you definitely need to start building some lasting rapport.
You can always come back to the fun stuff in a little bit. Start talking about points in your real life, challenges you are really facing, about the embarrassment at your last family function. If you hear her mention parts about her family or growing up, ask for more details of the real stuff. These type of topics lead to real connection that is easy to bring back in other conversations later.[/private]
Into the first few minutes of a conversation with a new girl. You can make it very clear that you do not put a mark on any kind of pedestal. As she is telling you different points you can easily say “Oh reeeeallly?” or
“Uh-huh” as you would if your little sister was telling you her newest fabrication of fiction.
This is another great way to clearly indicate her that her beauty has no intimidating power of you whatsoever. Obviously she’s going to wonder what makes you so confident, especially since every other guy seems to supplicate her every beck and call.
After a few minutes went by, and you see she is engaged in talking to you & completely facing you, you can stop bantering and start letting her know who you really are. I see many guys continuing on in the major excitement and attraction type talk well after they have her well interested.
I think most guys do this because the behavior causes girls to show how attractive they are and this can be quite intoxicating to be receiving this kind of attention. The thing is, once you see the interest engaged you definitely need to start building some lasting rapport. Sprinkle in the teasing every so often since it is exciting and tha twill show you are unpredictable.
Start talking about points in your real life, challenges you are really facing, about the embarrassment at your last family function. If you hear her mention parts about her family or growing up, ask for more details of the real stuff. These type of topics lead to real connection that is easy to pick up later.
when interacting with new girls the goal is NOT to avoid potential conflict. It is good to act and indicate you are okay with having some conflict. Sometimes girls use this as one of their chick-tests to see how supplicating you are. She may not even feel strongly about an issue she is pressing, she may just be seeing how committed you are to your own views. If you can be strong against a sleight disagreement in options, how are you going to pioneer the two of you through the world?
When you have a strong identity, a strong sense of self, [private]you don’t worry about what she thinks. A strong man, a leader will freely hear any opposing views to his own views, he is comfortable with this. You have come to your conclusions and values from a very careful cost/reward process in your head. The mood swing of a beautiful woman cannot sway this judgment, she needs to know that. She will respect you more and therefore be more attracted.
Hearing any and all opposing views is very good to this. You can even rephrase what they have said with how they came to their conclusion: “I Hear that you feel X about Y and that is because of A, B, and C.”
Then they hear that you clearly heard them, yet no indication that you would change your perspective without the credible enough information that brought you to your first conclusion.
When a girl tells me these things, she is clear to know that her opinions and thoughts are not my top priority. She has to earn a place in my perspective and still have credible information for me to work with.
I think about what I like and what makes me feel good before worrying about her concerns of this nature. Women are built to be socially accommodating. Helping a man that she like enjoy himself does make her feel very good in itself. When she has proven herself to be up to speed, she will get some of the taking care of come back to her.
I don’t spend every moment to moment in our interactions trying to connect with her. It is okay to disconnect every so often. I am never worried that she might see something in me that might push her away. It is better for her to see such things so there are no surprises later. More than a trivial factor about a man that is a turn off, his confidence with his whole package is more attractive than anything else. Show yourself, warts and all.
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When she sees that [private] a guy’s life is exciting, she works to feel special to him or that she has earned his attention. Women value what they work for much more than what their looks have made available to them. If she has taken steps to gain her rewards, then she is rewarded for what she does, not her luck in the gene pool.[/private]
[private]We do own our successes as well as our failures in order to live life to the fullest and be very happy. Sometimes we need to get out from between our ears and see ourselves realistically. We need to cultivate our own humility & surrender to increase our self esteem…
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You can set your mental alarm clock. I have seen this work in myself and a variety of people I have shared this with, very successfully.
To start out…[private] …when you go to bed, tell yourself to awaken at a certain hour and see how close you awaken to the time you established.
If you fail for a time, don’t be discouraged. You will probably be surprised & impressed by how well you do. If you have an urgent time to be up, tell yourself a time that is an hour before your alarm clock is set to see how you do. As with anything else, this takes a little practice, but everybody is very surprised at how well this works.
One major tip:you must instantly arise at the appointed time or your self will discover you do not really mean what you told your mind to do.
Continue until you have acquired the ability to awaken at any desired hour without the aid of an alarm clock.
This is another great factor in increasing your will power and taking control of the master computer we all call our mind.
“Are you eating all of of that tonight?” I ask. She starts laughing so the conversation [private] goes from there.
Once the conversation went along but a bit boring, I simply brought back the grocery store jokes: “Can you give me a ride in your cart?” She tells me she can if I can get myself to be in there. I am glad to see her playing along with my jokes so I ask her: “How much for you to push me around in our cart and push me around while I grab the stuff that I need?”
She just tells me she doesn’t know so I suggest a trade of services. “Maybe if you you promise a good ride later, then I can available for dinner at 6.75 per hour which includes provocative conversation at no extra charge.”[/private]
You always keep your attitude as positive as it is. You do not react. Do Not REACT. You have several ways to handle them. While staying in your own world, you can just easily start a new frame, once you have handled it to be extinguished.
I like to apply to it as if [private] she is being amusing. Whatever going on Amuses me even more. Life is funny. There is nothing that cant be laughed at to begin with. If it is not a laughing matter, you can discover this as time goes by with it. It is always better to misinterpret it as funny, and then adjust you interpretation if you find it appropriate. It is always better to misinterpret it as funny then find seriousness in it RATHER than take it seriously and find it funny afterward.
It is too hard to bring humor in after it has taken a non-funny theme first.
You are a ProActive person. You do not react. If you chose to respond in the same mode a person sent a message, it is because you have heard everything and CHOSEN to ProSpond this way. Only this way. Finalized.
Anything I say, I say because it adds to my reality. If it doesn’t, I do not participate. Thats it. I choose. I decide and BECOME.
The girl with the nice well-defined ass & rock and roll hair. I passed her, she turned to me and I saw the first indicator. As I went to the milk, I turned around to walk back. She had turned her head to see me again and to let me see her so I would approach her so I had to [private] stop. “Hi. As I passed I thought you looked cool, but then I realized I would never know unless I stopped and said hi. Hi, I’m C.J. I just got out of class & I figured I better stop by here to pick up some cereal and hand lotion.”
As I checked out, I saw her down an aisle with her daughter. I walked down the aisle and said “hi I’m C.J. I thought you looked cool as I passed by you except I realized that I’d never know if you really were unless I came over to say hi.”
I considered that she might have a man, maybe a father to her daughter but I would never know unless I stopped and said hi. That way I could realize she is cool, we click and I get to enjoy that rock and roll attitude with the nice ass on a first hand basis. Even if she had a father to the daughter, she showed obvious interest and may have to be discreet which is fine with me.
As a real go getter, I know that I will never know the possibilities of what ‘could happen’ unless I make that painless walk over. This tells me everything I need to know. It is not even a pride issue. I need to feel out the prospects to know if they qualify to hang out with me more.
…then everybody who sees this is going to want to meet him too…he must be cool, & they want to feel included.
Goal: Girls are to smile… a smile as in “Mmm, nice to meet this guy, I could meet him”
INJECT that [private] fun like its going out of business. I’m not talking go and dance around like some sort of flaming ponce. No. Go up, casual… Say “What’s up… you guys look fun… blah.. blah – well, I’m off to see my friends… later”
The key is CASUAL. You want NOTHING from them in return. You arenot LOOKING for anything… You’re just putting yourself out there. Then go to next group.[/private]
First impressions are what everything else about you, a perspective of you is built upon. They say that the first [private] 90 seconds defines what this impression is. With good body language you can have a pre-show to this and then your consistent solid body language will solidify the good first impression. With nothing more than Body Language you can indicate you are a very relaxed person, very comfortable in your own skin and comfortable in any environment you are in.
Building rapport or building a bond comes with conversations that maintain 80-90% of eye contact. To chin up & sleight head tilt back during question & greeting indicates a relaxed surfer status of relaxedness.[/private]
…so I have to ask her if she’s working with security tonight. She tells me [private]she is not what starts laughing when I tell her she had that authoritative security looked tonight. I then asked her if she do some crazy flying judo kick to anyone who stepped out of line. A few salsa moves get things close enough for me to run my fingers through the back of her hair. Within two minutes of this I converse with her close, face close instead of talking to her ear in a kiss can happen.[/private]
…thank you very much.” I have said to a distracted girl more than once
There is great value in creating and maintaining curiosity in the girl about you. This is part of starting, building and maintaining the momentum of her chasing you, in pursuit of you. Fact of the matter is, [private] that both the girl and the guy are truly happier this way. A girl has been pursued her whole life, since she hit puberty. Guys have been pursuing women since puberty too.
As far as it goes. You will get the hang of reading girl-cues and it will serve you wonders like a magic code.They are key in the whole open to lay process.
You learn starter, openers, but you gotta be ‘EYE-OPEN’ to these cues. Its like a hidden language that once you learn to read it, you learn to send it & they respond to yours better than anything you can say.
until she has shown you that she is cool & you like her for reasons I have learned.
First dates should be easy-going time to get to know each other. I think paying for dinners & stuff indicates she has this privilege from you without earning it. She will think you are basically paying for time with her, so I usually go to free stuff. If I like what I have learned so far about her, it is something [private] small like coffee & I pay, I would just tell her: “I got this one, you get the next one.” To keep us on more of an even level, indicating a future date too.
A few ideas that are free are:
Museum of Science – Library pass
New England Aquarium – Library Pass
Museum of Fine Arts – Library pass
MFA Wednesdays from 4 – 9:45
Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum – Library pass at Copley Sq, Jamaica plain & West Roxbury
Castle Island – for walking around, getting to know each other
Blue Hills Picnic – in mild weather
Stargazing Fridays 8:30 PM at Museum of Science (Gilliland Observatory Hotline 617-589-0267)
On the museums with library passes, it shows a resourceful guy, & it doesn’t put the vibe of economy into the whole first date scenario. These are just a few ideas for you to mull over. Museums and walking around are a little different from the standard dating routine, taking the pressure off & it is more like you are a couple, exploring something together, like you already know each other in a sense.
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So I went out and met up with my NY buddy. He’s great to hang with, great conversationalist, and he lets me push him in or pull him into sets.
Just to increase the number of sets I open, I tried to do the: ‘Give $200 to your buddy who pays you $20 each time you open.’ This was great because it took ‘my pre-judgement of sets’ out of the equation. I didn’t care (as much) what the girl looked like, I was just running routine to get my 20 bucks.!
(I thought it was weird at first, but Dave would come up to me mid set and say: “Here’s that $20 I owe ya.” so I could just intro him in.)
Well that is the mindset. I would have my goal as I entered as $20, but of course I would stay in good sets, eject from the not-so, and make a few regular chick-friends in the process.
One of the last stops we made was where the Christian Science building is. Behind it there is a circle of water shooters all pointed to the center. As Dave and I walked up, I scanned the people sitting around it on the surrounding wall.
As we came in and looked at it, talked about the kids running through it, I turned to a blonde (who is behind me, since that is why I chose to stop walking here) sitting in the the sun and asked “Almost ready to run through?” I asked her. She laughed and said ”no way,”
“Okay good” as I start to empty my pockets into my backpack. “We need you to watch this stuff as we run through.” meaning Dave and myself. There was another brunette sitting about 10 feet away on the other side of the blonde. They don’t know each other, just two separate girls as far as I know, so far.
As the blond and I were talking and I see the brunette behind blonde, looking at me as I was speaking to the blonde, so I start to smile to the brunette every so often while I’m talking.
Then me and Dave run through the fountains, horse around with some of the kids playing, then make it back to the wall and somewhat dry off.
I have a new Iron Maiden shirt in my back pack so I can change out of my button down to put on a dry shirt. I re-open the conversation with the blond to take a picture of Dave and me. Then to show her how to use the camera I take a picture of her and Dave. Then she takes our picture and I get an idea:
I open the brunette by asking her to take a picture of Dave, me, and Blonde. I almost looked for another set to merge, but this felt good so far.
The brunette went back to her place by herself. While us 3 are chatting… just random comments between Dave, Blonde and myself.
At one point I ask the brunette if she’s ready to run through. When she says no I just swat my hand in her direction as if she’s no fun. “Forget you then..” I say in smiles to her but turn to Dave and the blond who are just chilling at this point to resume with them. At this point Dave is laying back and blonde is in her iPod.
While I sat down & looked next to me at blond and saw her pull the iPod earphone out of her ear as if I was talking and she couldn’t hear. I wasn’t saying anything yet but just took the cue and started rambling about the fountain.
In learning that she was a pharmacist and had a long day of training from her pharmacy, it was cool and all but I wasn’t hooked yet. I did see brunette looking over every once in a while, so the first little attention fade blonde gave me, I rolled off, stood up walked a few steps to the brunette and opened her.
Now this 2nd girl was great. First I saw how eager she was to my open after rolling out of the other set. Turns out although she was a little less stereotype good looking as the blond could be pegged for, this brunette really caught my attention, was more interesting and we had some good commonalities.
I told her how “I was going to stop last second and let Dave run it by himself, but as I got closer …it actually looks like a lot of fun”
We small talked until I heard. I gave her a ‘what should he do’ story. She was giving answers of: “I don’t know that could be tricky…”
I started to turn away a little bit, then turned back as I thought of something: “You know I would’ve agreed with you but one point my buddy brought up was how people expect opportunity to land in their lap, but a lot of times it lands just near by (as I am signaling towards the other side of the blond where I was sitting) and you just have to notice it to seize it.” as I motion to myself.
She nodded yes then asked me “What do you do?” I gave her some jokes, then told her being a (my name) is a full time job. I told her of moving here and some places where I’ve lived. She lived in a different part of the cape as I did, but we agreed on factors of it. She then jumped from there telling me what she does. I think she was excited to share it, who wouldn’t be…
“What?!, Your a Dolphin trainer?? I can’t hang out with you, I do Improv and you’ll always be trying to upstage me with your fish.” I started to get up as If I was really leaving because of this. Not stand but turn my body and put my feet like I was, while straightening up.
“From Falmouth to Boston, eh?” I laughed.
“What part of the cape did you live in,”She asked. Love it! She reinvests herself with something to get me talking. I start to tell her then cut myself off. “I wasn’t sure at first, but you seem like you have a cool energy, MIGHT make a good friend….” I just look perplexed at her like I’m trying to size her up right now and as if she is supposed to reply.
She shifts a bit in her seat. “Its a shame Dave and I have to go, my swing dance class starts soon…” I pause an look as if I am thinking something over. ..
“Alright (in agreeing tone) do you have a cell phone?” Its next to her, she shows me. I take it from her to punch in my number, “I’ll give you my number, since my phone is all the way over there.”I point to my backpack.she takes it back to put it on: ‘new contact.’ .
“Yeah, but I won’t call you.” at least she’s honest. “Ok then lets do this,” (as if it was any different that what I was already going to do.)
“I’ll call your number through, and tell my voicemail what your like so far.” So I do call it through and describe her in the most teasing way with what I knew about her. “Here is *****’s number. Adventurous enough to swim with dolphins, but too ‘scaredy-cat’ to run through the sprinkler, figure that out.”
As I get up I tell her I’ll call her tomorrow since my weekend gets crazy. “Maybe you can come along, or we’ll grab lunch next week.”
Funny thing was. As I walked to get my bag where Dave was sitting (he still hadn’t plowed on with blondie, she was a bit too reserved conversationally) and it was the first time I saw how it was okay to number close two girls in sight of each other. ”You seem like you’d be kinda cool if we picked this up on day you haven’t had 8 hours of training. You better give me your number if you want to pick this up another day…”
“Yeah it was long.” She tells me, so I take out my cell.
“What is it?” and she gave me her number.
Look. I don’t know if either of them are going to be my type of girl, I don’t know them well enough, but I probably wont call the blonde. She was boring, and I only asked # to see what she would say. I was curious to how strong that jealousy thing inside of girls does work. I’m sure it works different with different girls.
These were two 1 sets we merged, and Dave wasn’t playing.
Blonde didn’t make it to want to call her again, & we’ll see how dolphin chick makes it in the next round.
The instinct to paper over weaknesses in our argument is wrong—so long as we counter criticism.
Every argument has at least two sides, even if sometimes, we’re not prepared to admit it. But in the heat of battle many people present their own side of the argument as though there’s no alternative.
You don’t have to go far [private]online to find numerous examples of just that; take your pick of the issues from climate change to the Middle East. The instinct is to avoid drawing attention to weaknesses for fear of undermining our own point of view.
Counter-arguments
Over the years psychologists have compared one-sided and two-sided arguments to see which are the most persuasive in different contexts. Daniel O’Keefe at the University of Illionois collected together the results of 107 different studies on sidedness and persuasion conducted over 50 years which, between them, recruited 20,111 participants (O’Keefe, 1999, Communication Yearbook, 22, pp. 209-249).
The results of this meta-analysis provide persuasive reading. What he found across different types of persuasive messages and with varied audiences, was that two-sided arguments are more persuasive than their one-sided equivalents.
There’s one big proviso to this: when presenting the opposing view it’s vital to raise counter-arguments. Two-sided arguments which don’t refute the opposing view can be significantly less persuasive than a comparable one-sided argument.
This is probably where the common fear of raising opposing arguments comes from. We instinctively understand that the safest course is to present only our own side, otherwise we risk losing traction with the audience.
But if we bring up opposing arguments, then shoot them down, not only is the audience more likely to be swayed, we also see a boost in our credibility.
In his paper Daniel O’Keefe looks at whether there are exceptions to this general rule of using a two-sided argument in persuasion.
Sympathetic audience: it was thought that one-sided arguments are more effective if the audience is already sympathetic, i.e. when preaching to the converted. O’Keefe found no evidence for this; even a sympathetic audience is more convinced by a two-sided argument.
Low educational level: nowadays this would be called ‘dumbing down’. Again O’Keefe found no evidence that people with lower educational levels are more persuaded by a one-sided message.
Advertising messages: this is the one exception to the rule about refuting the other side’s arguments. O’Keefe found that it doesn’t matter whether advertisers bring up counter-arguments or not, it makes little difference to audience persuasion. Perhaps this is because we still know it’s advertising, so we ignore the advertisers attempts to present a balanced argument.
Triumph of reason
Overall this is a nice conclusion, in that not only is a balanced argument more appealing morally, it is also more persuasive. And it doesn’t matter whether counter-arguments are introduced at the start, the end, or mixed in; as long as they are refuted, we are more likely to persuade the audience.
So, no matter how hard-line you are on a particular issue, remember that people aren’t idiots, they know there are two sides to every story and they’ll discount your message unless you acknowledge and counter the other side.
” 
