I am going to touch upon a part of the brain called: ’Broca’s Region’ before I decide how I am going to tell you the applicable stories to it. This part of the pain is a mechanism that decides when something has become predictable it gets out of our conscious attention and [private] pushed into our psychological background. It does this since it does not require our attention anymore. If you stay predictable, her brain decides her attention doesn’t need to be on you anymore.
In order to stay interesting to your self and the people you are in contact with, it is best to stay as naturally unpredictable as you were born.
A man is strong and reliable with plenty of integrity. An interesting man has these qualities along with being unpredictable, full of interesting conversation and actions. When girls have the feeling that they never know what you’re going to do next it turns out that they really want to know and consistently thinking about you.[/private]
As you get better at watching the women you are talking to and detecting how their feeling and such, you’ll be able to go much further. Things like good timing of when to [private]turn your back on her and engage you attention into something else for a bit. This is great when you detect sparks of attraction in her before they are explicit enough. Just in the moment when she feels emotionally stimulated or in need of validation, it is time to turn away slightly, causing her to lean in a little more. Attraction is just a tool to use. When she pulls you back, you can subtly reward her with a touch on the arm or showing in a subtle way that you are interested in her.. If you can tell her attraction for you has jumped, you can turn your back on her a moment. As you come back, if you go to kiss her, you will see she is more likely to accept the kiss.
“I never learn a thing when I talk about myself. Tell me a thing that makes your toes curl. What do you really desire more than anything. Tell me something that noone else knows about you. What’s the most unusual place you’ve hooked up with a guy? How about with a girl?!? If you were writing cosmo tonight, how would you describe your sexual fantasies?”
Like a cat, you need to keep attention and validation slightly out of the girl’s reach. If she finds everything, to be too easily acquired from you, she will get bored and quickly lose interest. On the other hand, if it feels completely unobtainable she will also lose interest and give up, go on to do something else. You keep these things, just barely out of her reach but continuously entice her in small increments.
Another way to begin the momentum of her curiosity is to pick something about her. Then say “You know what they say about women who….****.” (Whatever I can see about her). But I don’t tell her, I just look at her in a knowing way.
Like sometimes when I am talking to a girl and I pick something she has said with “YOU’ SUCH A Girl.” They’ll be asking what/why but I just smirk at them and turn my head away from them. It will emotionally frustrate them but in a good teasing way. That kind of playful emotional frustration that can lead them to chasing a guy they like.
“If I didn’t have to split now, I’d stay around & make out with you but I gotta go.” Usually gets a funny weird enough reaction. I have seen more than once a girl will use topics very detached from this to keep me hanging around a bit. Once I see this happening, I know I am in a sweet spot.
A girl’s emotional mind really wants to tame a wild guy. Someone who is unpredictable and surprising, who she has to work for, that she could lose at any moment.
When you hear those feeler ‘qualifying questions’ from a girl to you, mark it in your mind is a good sign. She is interested in you enough to want to know more and see more of what you’re like. She might say “So what do you do” as with all the questions, especially the qualifying ones, I use these as opportunities to joke or tease with her. You have her undivided attention; play with it a little bit like she is your little sister. If she asks me “So CJ, what do you do” I might tell her “I’m an ice sculptor. Last night I perfected the cube. You wait; with this tray I’ll be doing 12 next week.” Now I’m not saying you never tell her. I just put it off for the time being in the beginning. There will be an automatic stereotype of some sort attached to every profession there is. By deflecting for the time being avoids this and more indicates your likelihood for joking and being playful AND this also shows that earning her acceptance is not on your list. You know how cool you are, you have no need to give her your verbal resume. I do eventually tell her one of two ways. If she asks a second time in the conversation it shows she is really interested. I may tell her then jump to a story of what I wanted to be when I was a little kid, This is giving her the factual information she wants, still maintaining a better fun theme to what you guys are talking about.
The other thing I may say with many questions I am asked. “Don’t worry, we’ll get to that” sort of thinking. I make a mental bookmark in my head about something she inquired about. Then later after we have continued our current threads of conversation and topics have changed, maybe I bring it back up “You asked before about…”. By doing this, she will feel like she was better listened to. You came back to the point. Still, even at this point, I most likely will let her know what she wanted to know then segue it in a topic that is more fun anyway.[/private]
You are a strong man. Someone who lets themselves feel and react to weak emotions is like Play-doh to [private] the world. This is not a way you’d like to appear, this is not the impression you want a nearby girl to have of you. There’s never any reason to express anger with a girl. You can be firm in how you see things. You can be direct in what you like and dislike. There is no reason for anger or rage. Ever.
To be the man who is faced with extreme reasons for anger to happen it stays calm through all of it shows enormous strength.[/private]
, what is easy and brings her back up to playful vibe: “Ah, getting feisty eh? You know what I would [private] do?!? I’d dress you up in a red PVC devil outfit. Complete with the horns like things and a tail…and some bitch boots with a pitchfork…and your friend here. She’s nice. I’d dress her up in a similar but angel outfit with wings and a furry halo. I’d roll with you guys, one on each arm down the street. Every girl would be jealous of you and every time I was to make a decision…I’d let each one of you fight over which decision is the most fun. Whichever is the most fun, we’d do that. [/private]
“Look, you may not see me as Mr. Right, but if you are nice, I may just be ‘Mr Right Now’.”
The reason I hardly use anything like that is because of the truth of the matter. Sure a woman’s good looks can catch my attention, but it takes much more than that for her to be able to hold it. [private]I have dated plenty of models, strippers and perfect 10s. But, if she is boring, psycho or another version of the crazy cat lady, I have better ways to spend my time. I may subtly indicate something about her has caught my attention, but clearly letting her know I want to know more.
Not only does this qualify the type of high quality woman I want in my life, a woman values what she has caught with the essence of her personality much more than what her good looks (thank her parents) will get her.
It is another part of generating her to be chasing you from the first moment. A woman isn’t about to chase a guy she thinks she has won over because she had some genetic perfection. She is going to work at getting and having the man that her conscious actions and behaviors have earned her. By this, she knows that she can continue her good behavior to keep him around even when she is sick in bed and can’t pretty-up for the day.[/private]
with her she may give you an insulting response or an angry stare. No matter what, stay strong. This is just another form of the chick’s test.
She may do this to see if you retreat, apologize and slot yourself into the category with all the other wusses she has met before you.
What will attract her the most is standing strong, with no surrender. It’s a joke for cripes sake, can’t she take those?
I may get confused at first since I thought she was bright and would get the joke. I am never apologetic or defensive about having upset her. Her mood will quickly change when she sees that I am not trying to offend anybody, I’m just teasing.
Since she will look insecure if she can’t take a joke, this tension will get her start to smile and laugh. That self confidence will spark the magic feelings of attraction.
There will be times when you are talking to a girl and there are issues that generate a deep rapport for you to share together. That can be good in all, but remember you just met this girl.
When it comes to people you have just met, a great way to connect is [private] establishing and maintaining more of a wide rapport,on many subjects. This is when you have many different subjects that you agree on. This is when you have many perspectives that you see eye to eye on. These are the types of people we end up meeting and feeling like we have known forever.
With all people many factors that started in our childhood never changed throughout our adulthood. We still do still operate on the award/punishment scales. Is she laughing at your jokes? It is time to reward her in some way. Show her you like this. Is she being offhandedly affectionate? There is another time to offhandedly reward her and indicate that you enjoy her.
When you first meet a girl, be it online or in person, as with much of the dynamic, you are going to have to use your first 90 seconds to be amazing, the ‘wow factor.’ Then and still she knows more about what you have to offer to the interaction, and about you as a person, you will have to take out 85 – 90% of the conversation space. (Remember girls hate silences, at first they are all uncomfortable).
As you to get to know each other then the scales seem to even out. My favorite place which you can discover as she tells you more about herself, is when she is taking up most of the talking time and you were just listening. I personally like to listen very much. I learned a lot about people in those places.
As I am listening I am making little notes in my head of topics to revisit and which ones she seems most passionate about that would be fun to talk about in more detail at a later time.
She starts out with such a small percentage because she is warming up to you and learning about your personality. Women are born social creatures. Much of this comes from learning about a person one is speaking with an identifying the points of rapport. She’s also learning which topics and styles seem to get her the most conversational reward as she shares her stories with you.
Guys who do not put this extra effort into a conversation with a girl they just met, I often see them letting it fizzle out and then walking away feeling like they were not liked. This definitely may not be the case and probably isn’t if you were trying to go 50/50 on the conversational talk time. Guys go on to think that a girl did not like them. This could be absolutely the opposite of the case, yet her natural womanly behaviors keep things this way until they are not, when she feels comfortable opening up more to you. I hate to hear guys are thinking that their opener was not clever enough.
The opener is nothing my friend. It is merely a spark to the fire of conversation, to get it going. It is the fire. It is what happens after that initial introduction that decides the connection between two people. (As a side note, I was recently talking to a check friend who made the point that our guy who would not be that hot in a photograph, once he gets her laughing he becomes pretty ‘smokin’.
It is what it is, but I hate to hear guys looking for that bonus prize, that ‘get me laid’ opening statement they can make to a woman. As with you, it takes something more than that which will just catch the attention, you need something that’ll hold her attention and build things up like never before. I hate to talk about these things like this so extreme, but once you’re in the essence of a moment those times will happen.
When it comes that first conversation I would suggest touching upon many different subjects. It is easy and very beneficial to keep changing the subject. You’ll see the ones that spark her up a bit. These you can amplify for a moment while noting in your head what they were. You can bring these to a high point then once you change the subject you can remember which topics to touch back upon.
By covering many different subjects throughout a first conversation you are feeling out which of the many topics you two can have rapport on and which subjects you can keep coming back to. Consistently changing topics rather than talking one to its dying day will keep you evidenced as the interesting guy you really are.
You really are. Think about it think about how many topics you do have interest in. Think about how many things really excite you. If you can briefly touch upon many of these it will do two wonderful things in an early conversation. It will show that you are a passionate guy because you keep talking about the numerous subjects you do get passionate about. Girls are very attracted to a passionate guy. Girls are very attracted to interesting guys with numerous subjects they have interest in.
Once your passion is revealed you will either see her shared passion in such therefore establishing a beginning rapport on the subject or she will just see yours. Even if she does not share the passion which you do she will admire your passion for it. Then once you have covered many topics and out of these found many that you BOTH share a passion about, you rapport is growing wide… across numerous topics. Here is how we find the type of people we can talk about anything with. I bet you can remember hearing of a girl talking about a guy she liked a lot. I bet that is exactly one thing she said about him (we could talk about anything.)
Now this is great, you can just keep talking and talking while switching and changing subjects. You just keep on talking making enough pauses to give her chances to respond. She may not, and you are not dependent on this but while doing this the second you see that something you are talking about happens to spark something in her you can clam up. Clam up so she has a chance to participate in this topic. Then you can help her to elaborate her points. You can ask for elaboration on details she mentions. While listening, it is nice to hold eye contact with a slight grin and nodding through her every word. This will tell her that you are paying good attention to her, intently listening and eager to hear her next passages. Doing this you can remain always ready to jump in and take over the conversation with points you heard and mentally bookmarked whenever needed.
As conversation is moving along you can cause new topics and ask for open-ended questions. I would suggest you commit to never asking any sort of ‘yes/no’ type of questions. With a little practice you can learn to make sure all of your questions are the open-ended type. The types that will inspire her to have long-winded answers are great. This whole time you can listen to her answer while mentally taking notes on details to ask her about.
Often girls will have to elaborate their answers to your creative questions. Other times girls may say something like: “Um… I don’t know.” This may happen because she really does not know an answer. Other times this may happen because she feels on the spot, she hasn’t gotten comfortable enough with you yet to open up and discuss things with you elaborately. Either way, you can clarify the question some.
This not only will give for a more detailed description of what you’re asking but also gives her a few moments to think about the answer to the first question you asked.
Sometimes girls need this. Whereas they might have felt to be put on the spot at first, while listening to you rephrase it they can be gathering an answer.
For example, to get to the core of our passions is often useful to look at our childhood. I may ask her something like: “Do you remember when you were a kid, what it was that you wanted to be when you grew up?”
Many times I find girls frequently do remember what this was. Maybe they love animals and wanted to be a veterinarian. Maybe they thought it would be cool if they were a nurse. If they tell me that they don’t remember I can give them an example of the type of answer I was looking for by giving them my own.
“Aw shucks (I say jokingly) that’s too bad. I find it can be pretty useful to figure out what we were thinking as kids to understand the core of our passions today. When I was in preschool, even before I could read, I still like to play as if I was reading books. The teacher’s aide told me I look like a lawyer so I was convinced her for some time that’s what I would be. I would go home and play mock trial with my parents either being a lawyer or being a judge. As I got older I never much wanted to be a lawyer but I do get a kick out of reading a lot and you find a strange fascination in the logic and reasoning that can be used in the courtroom.”
Nowas I gave my reply I gave very much into it. I was very sincere and told her about things I would play when I was a child. Sometimes by showing example, putting that ‘Umph’ into the reply will be modeling to her what you expected. Then she might be more likely to give you a more passionate answer and think some more about her own childhood.
As you are doing those things in qualifying her, once she passes the little tests you have presented it is time to seize the moment. “Oh my God, you are so cool. How can we make sure we hang out again? This is a lot of fun.”
You can even seize the moment and reward her right away. “That is so awesome!” And then pulled her close to you to kiss her on the cheek. There is never a reason to waste time. Once you detect that moment at hand it is time to seize it. Many guys a lawful themselves out of the park because of too many worry statements were second-guesses. Girls live on a moment to moment basis. When the moment is high and you guys are sharing one they love it to be seized. It feels natural. It feels like a natural connection in the moment of that connection was seized by you both.
Practice talking about racy subjects. Sexual topic should be an easy, free-flowing type of conversation that falls easily from your lips. This is showing that sex is an easy-going topic for you. This will also show that you are somewhat of a seductive person and have plenty of experience with women. They like that. It shows a skilled lover and a man who has been qualified by many girls previously. This will indicate to her that since you have been pre-qualified by many girls before her, she is less work to do. This actually is way more of a weighted qualification because girls never truly know how to properly qualify a guy. They keep trying in many different ways to cover obvious bases but there have been plenty of times before when they have done that and it not work out as they had expected.
“I am not the kind of guy that would just take a girl that caught his attention home the first night and give her a night of pleasure and continuous orgasms. I am not that easy. I see you have real potential to hold my attention but you can at least buy me a few drinks first.”
Another great way to turn up the thermostat for the heat of your interaction is simply to talk about kissing. Let’s say you been talking for five or 10 minutes and felt some genuine rapport developing between the two of you at some point when you are close in proximity during the conversation you can just ask her: “If I were to kiss you, on a scale of 1-10, how do you think I’d rate your kiss?”
At this point not only will she be trying to take pride at a presumed high score, she’s going to imagine kissing you. It will cross her mind at this point in the image is likely to pop in every so often since she started. At this time, I myself, since I was thinking about it as well, might start alternating my gaze from her eyes to her lips every so often. It might be nice to imagine what those lips taste like at this point. Because I do love the woman’s eyes sometimes I find it hypnotic to triangulate my gaze upon her. That is if you alternate from eye to other eye to her lips, this can feel very sensual just making the gaze that way. She will probably notice this too and feel sensuality from your gaze. I remember sometimes while doing this, girls have done either offhanded or explicit moves to get this happening.
Offhandedly they may just move close or get their face closer to yours. Explicitly, yet much less common and seen a girl come right in to kiss me on the lips. A few times when they had done this it seemed like they were distracted for a second as they came in for the kiss and then went on with talking as if they just had to satisfy a sudden craving distraction.
Sometimes hints may work better than anything else. Let her mind play with what you stated but then move on. There is no need to make your coy statements and then stop speaking because you’re waiting for her reaction. “I have a bottle of whipped cream in the fridge. You should come home with me and help me finish it off. The bouncer here reminds me of Jim Gaffigan.”
If you do make a statement and sort of positive her reaction, watch her carefully. If you see in her face and/or body that she isn’t heated up enough for this yet, you can take it away. “We should go back to my place and massage oil onto each other skin. I just picked up this kind that smells and tastes like mangoes.” (but if you do see her face showing anything but eager anticipation…) “No, wait a second. You are pretty tall I don’t think I have enough for your body.”
You see, before you took it away you illustrated a nice semi-sexual picture of imagery and her brain. Women love the imagination since theirs does paint magical pictures. Even if she had a bit of hesitancy to your suggestion, don’t worry, the picture will stay for a while and it will flash back every so often.
As you know, any ‘No’ she says is simply ‘No’. That’s easy. She wont even say it unless it is real But when it comes to subtle hesitations things are different, so I hate to see guys interpreting the worst out of these. If she did find a place to express her minor hesitation, like anything else, it is all a joke until it’s taken seriously. Laugh it off. Laugh heartily and then change the subject. Women are very funny like this when you don’t need to take their comments in a moment to be much at all. Many times she has many rejections. It is to satisfy her need not to look like the stereotypical ‘slut’. Most girls seem to have a need to establish themselves away from the stereotype. I think by laughing it off and not taking it seriously or personally rather, shows the insignificance you find in the stereotype anyways.
This also shows that you take any rejection towards you as kind of a joke. Since girls usually fall into your arms and you understand she is saying what needs to be said to establish herself as a non-slut, all you can do is laugh it off. You heard it, you accept it, you allow her to establish what she needs to (as not having behaviors that would classify her as a ‘slut) but still not taking it too seriously or personally.
Most of the time, I find that girls need to get their protest to be ‘on the record’. Once this is said they feel a little freer to give in to their desires and go with their attraction. I see most often that girls do not want you to stop your pursuit based on this ‘technical rejection’. Now things can go along as you both want. This is why are found laughing it off to be the easiest acceptance of it. You accept the fact she wants her minor protest to be heard but nothing more since it wasn’t an outright ‘No’..
You don’t need to have a smooth transition into some of these things. It may take some practice but often being very comfortable in a major change in tempo of the conversation you’re having can be quite charming to a girl. This can show you have major balls, which is nice.If you have the comfort to adjust the tempo of a conversation from casual then easily slipping in a sexual innuendo shows you are very confident and comfortable with your sexuality. This is very attractive.
21st century has been seen to stifle many people’s free expression of the sexuality inside of them. You don’t have to be a part of that. Being very bold when you first approached her and then bolt throw your interaction shows you are not ‘just another average guy’. Keeping the tension up, and keeping her slightly intimidated is a sweet spot for you both. When you can introduce these dramatic tempo changes to the conversation it goes to reveal that you are person who you never know what to expect from him.
After laying out somewhat of a foundation of that, let me cover a part of the ‘rejection’ topic. There really is no such thing until the woman says “No” or something of that specific nature. This is another reason why I personally prefer open-ended questions and sometimes indicating my desired intents with a statement rather than a question. When you start getting into racy topics (and other topics actually) you will see that any lack of explicit rejection is actually acceptance.
In the case of yes/no questions think of it this way, if you were to say something like: “Do you want to…” and she feels she needs to say “no” to maintain her image as proper and that is what she’ll do. This being said, if you were to say something like: “Let’s go do this…” and she has no reply than she is for the suggestion. If she is specifically and directly not for the suggestion she will go ahead and say something along the lines of indicating that she doesn’t want to or she can’t or it’s not possible for some reason.
Remember that in many cases any lack of negation to your suggestion is a girl’s way of accepting it. To make a suggestion without it being a yes/no question, you can say something like “We should go to my house to smoke hookah and get my cat to chase the laser pointer.” Or something like “We should go back to my place and watch my cat do back flips while you give me a massage.” If she says nothing then your suggestion has generally been accepted. You don’t have to consider her ‘not into it’ unless she says something like “No, that’s not a good idea” or another thing along those lines. The only other time I can think of she may indicate she is not into it if she is not his while you’re on the way were about to leave to then she may indicate it then. Otherwise she is all for it. As a standard, girls don’t normally say something like “Yeah let’s go do that.” They will go along with what they think may be fun until they don’t.
While you are having a great time enjoying each other’s company, you should just presume, as you would with any other friend that she is coming home with you. Don’t go in at all of these unspoken and unfounded expectations of negation where they’re not necessary. Do not make an issue of a non-issue.
Making these random comments with sexual undertones is a part of what I explained as foreplay and my detailed passages about sexy-time. Foreplay should not begin when you decide to get sexually intimate, as an ‘all of a sudden’ event. You should consistently be flirting and sprinkling in seductive comments throughout your conversation with a girl you have a sexual interest in. A girl’s imagination is a beautiful thing.
When our thoughts are brought to sexy places it can start her arousal and maintain it at mild levels way before any touching happens. Doing this consistently and steadily along with a slow teasing physical foreplay can bring the woman to unknown heights in their orgasm.
Girls do want a bold confident man. While many guys try to sneak their way in to an interaction with a girl with crafty, clever lines… if you just go in with your boldness this will make quite an impression in itself.
You can begin your flirting and sensuality and spoken foreplay from the very minute you say hi to a new girl. It is subtle yet this is revealing all your cards on the table in a way. Girls have been hit on since they hit puberty. There is no way for any guy to approach her with intensity in his mind and are not able to see through it. It is much easier if you just cut all of the bullshit. When I approach a girl it is no secret that she caught my attention. I am now talking with her to see what she is like, to see if she can hold my attention, to see if I want more of my time to be spent with this girl. When a guy comes up to a girl unafraid of any ‘risk of rejection’ or what have you, then all of a sudden she sees a shinier apple presented to her.
I have found it to be perfectly fine and very well accepted to have my intentions obvious. It seems like some guys are trying to sneak their way into a girl’s attention and coerce her to the bedroom without her realizing what’s going on. This does not happen, this is not seduction. Recently while at a mall with a friend of mine we decided to go into Spencer gifts. As you’re walking and my friend was telling me that the store now had quite an extensive sex toy selection.
While walking in I saw it was a cute girl was working the register that day so my first sentence to her was: “My friend tells me that this is a sex toy shop nowadays. Is that true?” With this little piece of information I was able to start our conversation on a somewhat sexual level. When she tells me the story is as I suspected I ask her to show me her collection. As we get over to the section of the store I tell her that I was curious about vibrators. I then asked her to tell me which is the best or which is the most popular. She goes on to show me the first model that she thought of. I will not ask her questions of the reasons it was supposedly better than the rest. While she was explaining its features I simply gazed upon her. I looked into her eyes, enjoyed gazing upon her face and neck and listening to the sexual topic she was describing and the sensual way she was describing it.
As she was explaining the features of this first vibrator I went on to ask her:”Does the nice sounding features of this vibrator cause a woman to lose the novelty, enjoyment of the real thing, of a real penis?” With utter sincerity, she went on to tell me with a very sophisticated sounding know-how that this absolutely was not true. “From my perspective, and understanding both, although this is very nice there is nothing like a real penis. There is nothing like skin on skin.” She was getting very sexy and describing this and seemed to want to prolong the conversation so she went and picked up a second model and describe its features. I merely listened and enjoyed the sensuality I was watching come into her as she described the sexual nature of these devices.
A girl enjoys a bold and confident man who has no qualms about touching upon the subjects because then again, by doing this you show her that the subjects are absolutely acceptable in conversations between the two of you. She will know now that she can freely express how she feels about such topics. Forget any ‘risk’ of possible rejection you are thinking. I think you should embrace and dance with these risky topics to get yourself comfortable with them and indicate to her that you are comfortable with her talking of them. Women love sex more than we men do. Once she feels she has established herself past the anti-slut protocol, and these topics have a perfect comfort ability as when shared with you, she will feel like she can enjoy you and her own sexual experience without being (looked down upon.)
I hear and see many guys who think that the minor rejections are something they earned. In essence that is really not the case. You see, women have these built-in automatic rejections to hand out to the general male crowd. Girls want to ensure they have high standards for which man they get with. If they can toss out a simple easy rejection to their approach and he drops the issue, then that was easy. She now filtered through and eliminated a weak sort of man. Girls have the negation to incoming males built-in is an automatic. They have been pursued and approached by men since puberty. Guys have whistled at them from driving by, guys have ‘Cat-Called’ them from the construction site and guys have ogled them on the beach since they grew boobies.
Get over the pride. Hearing these minor statements of rejection is really nothing. If you are subtly and not so subtly indicating your intent, you will see a few things. She will begin thinking about and imagining what sexy-time with you is like. She will see you are bold and candid and comfortable enough to be taking things all the way. And finally, somewhat based on her reaction, you’ll be able to see how much attraction has been built so you can gauge and decide your current actions with this girl and/or future actions with future prospects.
I told you that women are very much on the moment to moment basis and testing you. Personally I think of up several times I’ve stated a firm opinion on one side of the subject. The girl I was speaking with that expressed the opposite side of the same subject. I quickly acknowledged (not discrediting her point) but then went on to further illustrate the reasons why I feel the way I do. I’ve seen more than one case where a girls next comments will be those on the side of the issue that I originally expressed. seems they just throw these things out there to see the resiliance of a potential male in their world.
Life is funny, enjoy it. It is all a joke until it’s taken seriously and only take the part seriously which you wish to be a part of your world. What points a girl makes that you do take seriously is another reward in conversation that will inspire them to grow. Reward the ones that you like to have as a part of your world.
Since the best punishment from childhood on is merely ignoring, ignore all of those that you disagree with. You are merely paying attention to the ones you like therefore showing there a reason to elaborate those points. If she is getting no attention or acknowledgment about the points you don’t like she is very much less likely to elaborate on those. On the ping-pong table she got no pong to her ping.
…Anyways, it all started on my way back into Boston Common from DWTN Crossing, it was sunny, a nice day just to randomly greet people. I said ‘Hi’ to random interesting people I passed, started little 3 min convos, smiled and wave-acknowledged a bunch. I could feed the birds if….
At the moment she came into scene, I was on one side the crosswalk headed back to the commons courtyard. As I stand there, I scan everybody as I always do and I see her. She is an absolute ‘true10′ but without the ‘I hate the world’ look on her face. Out of the 15-20 people on that side of the street, she stuck out to me like a flamingo in a pack of seagulls, but she wasn’t covered in make-up. She wasn’t decked in ‘look-at-me’ clothes, just a [private]pair of jeans and a button down shirt.
That’s what caught my eye the most. She had an ‘agenda-free’ look, no expressions, no mask held up. She was a good 20 years old but had the un-city like innocence on her face. She had model beauty, but naturally.
I have my sunglasses on so I continue to look like I’m scanning as I watch her (my head slowly gazing back and forth, while my eyes were on her). If I wasn’t wearing my sunglasses, I would have checked her out in my peripheral sight while not showing that I noticed her till she was close enough to open.
You know how girls flirt subconsciously with their body language? They fix their hair, their shoes, or position their pose in an attractive way. Speaking in girl speak, I know some off handed body language motions that get them looking.
Girls do get shielded when they know guys are looking at them. When the walk light goes on I casually walk across the crosswalk but I am moving towards where I would be passing next to her.
As we pass each other, to play out as if seeming like I just noticed her, I simply smile and say ‘Hello’ and tilt my head back, greeting-ly. (tonality is key here, and have found the ‘Hello’ gets a lot more responses than the ‘Hi’ because you can draw out the elongated vowels, saying it in a slow sexy tone.)
She says “Hi’ back to me on her way past. I did a swoop around (which I hardly ever do, but she did catch my attention very well). I walk her direction and stop her just on the sidewalk where I started. We are in front of Finagle a Bagel, next to the crosswalk.
“Well, You ARE ugly…” (I said this while smirking, she definitely knows I’m joking) “…but something is drawing me to want to see what you’re like, find out more about you…HI, I’m C.j.” and I stick out my hand.
Now when I stick out my hand to shake a girl’s hand, this isn’t a business meeting. I am not trying to show her I have a firm handshake, I don’t need any alpha over tilt.
I offer her my hand, solid connection then my palm up holding hers in it. I can give her the most welcoming hand shake so she can feel most comfortable right now. She needs to have a first impression before she’ll feel safe following my lead. Or being in the tension I will be creating.
I don’t not pull my hand back after the standard amount of greeting time; it’s easy to leave it there for as long as she wants to leave hers in it. She doesn’t feel like I’m gripping, just matching her pressure. Often we pull our hand back like we do in a regular nice-to-meet you handshake. This hold open is saying to her in Body language: ‘you have caught my attention, I am still curious’ I leave my eyes mostly in hers while her hand is in mine.
We chat, most of my eye contact on her eyes with quick scans every so often, to think of things and not to seem like a staring psycho. Her hand is still in mine. I am not gripping it, I am just open handed lightly solid.
She tells me she is from Russia; I practice my single Russian phrase with her. “Kahk DeeLah” (written phonetically). We chat a little and I notice her friend is standing a few feet behind her. I can tell from this, that she would get pulled by her friend or pull herself from this to not keep her friend waiting.
I tell her of an outdoor salsa class I am headed to later; I give her the time constraint of: “Well, I was going this way…” (She just starts to slowly pull her hand out of mine), “….and I have to feed the birds…” (she didn’t notice how ‘non-pressing’ that is, time-wise.) “…but let me see your cell phone, we can talk later.”
She pulls her phone out as if she was going to punch the number in herself, but I pretended not to notice, and was holding out my hand expectantly. She finally hands me the phone.
The picture on the phone’s screen was probably why she didn’t want to hand me the phone in the first place, but I’ll get into that in a bit.
I punched in my number, called my phone, and then described to my voice mail everything I just learned about this girl in the few minutes we talked. I hang up & tell her that I will call her a little later and walk on my way.
About 30 min later, I text her saying that “I should be finished at 5:00 and will call you then.” Yes, I did text her30 min after meeting her: I planned on keeping this temperature going.
I got her flirty temperature up while we talked. I knew if I was going to manage this I’d need to keep it up. I text in 30 minutes, call an hour later about a same day event.
I know that when you text things like that, they wait and are thinking about you the whole time until you call. She also is ready to talk to you when you call, she will be a little bit more…um how could I say this?… ‘State-prepared.’
I end up getting caught up in other things when I realize it is 5:45, so I call.
I get her voicemail message. Then a recording tells me her voice mailbox is full. Ok, I carry on.
I saved my name into her phone, so if she has caller ID she’ll know that I called. If she calls back – great…. if she flakes – oh well. She caught my attention for a few minutes.
Then at 5 minutes to six I get a text from her:
She says: “Its almost 6!! ”
So I see she got my text. I am guessing she saw my call on ID, but who knows. Now she is telling me by subtext, “ok C.J., call me now, I will answer.”
I call her. I tell her about the salsa in the park and ask where she is at his very moment. She tells me she’s in the Common
“Great, I’m over by the ‘Park St’ staircase, meet me here and we’ll go over to salsa together.”
This is all part of the ‘Assume the Close’ I just told her about the event, expected she would be dying to go, and told her what to do next to come along. (To be continued)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was explaining this to a buddy of mine on a different situation. If she doesn’t want to go, she’ll stop things & indicate it clearly or say it clearly. There is no need to ask her anything. Just lead. If she follows – great, if not – lead to something else.
Hear what she says in words when it comes to her denials. I don’t try to read signals, and tones, and subtext unless they are compliances, unless they are the message I want to hear. Interpretations of subtext are so broad/vague. Guys are not built to read between the lines.
The only: ‘Supposed to’ to define in this interaction are the words. Meanings beyond what is said, while girls get that naturally, if you have learned this, Great. Since the interpretation is open, read the ones you want to hear. (& her seeing which ones you read is a reward to her. She will keep giving back the ones picked up on, the positive ones.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(resume)
So, I Tell her of the good time at the salsa. Then I tell her what her next step is, & that it’s easy on her part. We can go from there….
I sit on the planter next to the stair case and am going through my date book paperwork. I think she is coming with her friend. We can all go the Salsa, I can work them like a two set, and some other dance partner will keep her friend occupied.
When she comes over, She gets my attention & is by herself now. (This is a signal her interest; did she ditch her friend to hang out with me alone?)
I stand up, give her a hug, lean back while holding her arms and check her out (I look from eyes all the way to shoes, then back to eyes. My smile brightens in the scan to be brightest back into her eyes as I start a new thread)
I tell her a bunch of details about the salsa as I put my hand on her lower back to guide her to the direction of the staircase.
And I keep talking, no questions to her are needed here, I just ramble along about my day. Girls are usually nervous at the start of dates and such. They want you to be talking & keeping the spotlight off them till they warm up a bit…..this always works for me.
Don‘t worry about it, after they get talking, they love to ramble on. Then you can ask her open ended questions to keep her rambling. At this point, she’ll interrupt if she has something to tell me.
We walk downstairs to Park St. cut across underground tunnel to Downtown to grab the orange line. I body language vibe her the whole way.
I take her hand into mine (as if I am testing it, in my head) then I toss it down like it was covered in cooties. I do that as I’m talking about something else. I pay no mind to it, but it does get filed in her mind, you’ll see the expression on their faces as you get better at vibing.
As we walk, sometimes I will take her by the shoulders and move her to my right side as we walk. That is the side I prefer her on, and this keeps touching, leadership, and her compliance momentum.
I lead her to the right direction at points with my hand on her lower back. Trust me, when you do this they get the feeling of being protected. Its great touching and comfort all wrapped in one move.
As I passed other cute girls walking by, I smiled at them and said ‘hi’ to some. This reminds this Russian girl I am social to chicks. She sees girls along the way smiling at me and saying hi. These unknown girls will return ‘hi’s and smiles much better because I am walking with a girl and totally non threatening.
They don’t think they have to be defensive to my greetings. I couldn’t be hitting on them since I am with a beautiful girl. And if I was, that’s good too because I must be a prize (pre-selected) walking with her….
I know a bunch of people are thinking that these moves make a girl jealous and will screw up chances with her. Not only does it do the opposite, but has this girl earned any of my affections yet?
While waiting for the orange line, I was leaning one arm on the post and she leaned on the same post facing me, leaning her shoulder. She let her face be near mine while we were talking. She just pulled her hair out of her face, turning her head towards me but close, letting her hair fall on her face again.
I just pushed her hair back off her face, letting my fingertips slightly brush her cheek. She doesn’t break her gaze from mine or move back from my touch at all, so now I know. I let my hand find its way from her cheek and hair to the back of her neck and pulled her to me to kiss.
So I started kissing her there. One five minute open, a text, a re-meetup with a hug… a bit of touching, affection push/pull then ten minutes later a kiss. Things happen that fast when you’re plowing on in the vibe, reading and sending the signals. 93% of communication received comes with Tone, Vibe, and Body Language. It seems like a born-with skill, but this like any clever opener, can be learned and mastered.
It was all about reading her cues and vibing that got her here. If I didn’t kiss her at that moment, she could/would have blocked it later. She was in a moment I could seize.
Now we were getting on the packed train, I know she is coming along to my event. There is no need to keep her entertained, so I sit in one empty seat, she stands by the doors. We just kissed, so I’ll give her a chance to let that sink in. It is very key to give girls little breaks, little takeaways that give her the space to come to you. The break from your attentions let her have something to miss.
We get off the train & walked trying to find the salsa park.
We held hands some, like girl & guy buddies, and then I stopped and got interested in something we were passing. I came back to her to decide to kiss her after looking at her a moment. (I takeaway, then back in with a little escalate in level but then I take away again. This is great at building great tension.)
We traded stories about our life. She told me she was a model. I picked up her hands and asked her
“What, a hand model?” So then I talked about Jergen’s and nail polish ads, while she tried to correct me
“No real model!!” she said
I defended them. “That nail polish models work hard you know. They are just as hardworking as the…”
This just got her laughing and still wanting to correct me.
So we went to the park-salsa, danced a little bit, made out along the way. I would stop her along the walk for a kiss, then she would come at me when I stopped the make out early, pushing her away a little. Sometimes when it would escalate in intensity, I would push her back from then too. We’re out in the world; all I want to do out here is build up tension.
“Not here….” I said. We were on the sidewalk or leaning on a store side. “We have a dance class to get to.”
We went to the salsa for a bit, danced some. She wasn’t really into it. She sat on the bench for a while watching while I danced with the other girls. I kept an eye on her to watch if she was getting bored.
Then we bounced to Copley to walk around. We both were push/pulling the whole walk. I would wander too far ahead then she would call me back. Then she would catch up and keep walking right past me until I caught up with her.
I called her on my cell phone. She answered. I told her to stop. She did. I told her to turn around as I was walking towards her. She did that too.
But when I got to her I looked her in the eyes, held eye contact as I kept walking. I gave her a “hmmpht!’ sound for acknowledgment, joking disregard. This was all very playful, like little kids teasing to be the lead.
She followed me, asked where I was headed next. I turned around, took her hands and started talking about Copley spots like they were fun-park rides… or at least in that excitement I explained with.
We wandered around, between random make-outs, and sat on some park benches talking. At one point she pulled out her compact mirror and was checking her hair or whatever….but for way too long and rude while we’re talking.
I am not down with the vanity thing, she can hit the restroom. I also needed to pull her out of her own head. She was dreaming if she thought she could hold may attention with her looks alone.
I just stood up and walked over to another park bench as I went through my Blackberry checking my email.
She continued to be checking herself in the mirror, yet glancing at me every so often. My takeaway didn’t fully work.
Even after a few minutes went by, she looked absorbed, but girls are always on scan-mode, monitoring things in their peripheral even when they don’t look like it.
I got up from my bench and walked the other direction and behind a structure that you couldn’t see through.
My walking path led me to be right behind her bench. I went there but she wouldn’t see where I was because the structure blocked her view.
I also wanted to finish my email but still keep an eye on her; once she was done in her mirror we could have fun again.
Then I get a text: “Why are you always leaving me?” It was from her.
I just walked up from behind her bench, sat next to her and said: “Relax kid, I’m right here, I was just taking care of my email tasks so I wouldn’t have to worry about them later.”
I told her of where I was going next, which was in Brighton, closer to where I live.
“There in a pizza joint & a few cool clubs.” You always have to frame these ideas as things that are already going on, and she can come along. That keeps the pressure off us both.
Now I don’t get too firm in plans. If I want to hang out with her, if she definitely doesn’t want to go along on the event I chose, I just modify my lead, pick a new place for now.
She said no at first, I told her that we could go there later, and started walking to my train. She followed but it was the train that was going where we said anyway.
This next part is weird, I hardly understand it, but it is how it happened: We went to the Arlington st. Greenline station, and would be taking a ‘B’ line to get where I intended. We talked and chatted and joked and laughed as all the other letter trains came by.
I greeted a few girls there and while walking through the station, nothing direct just easy going ‘hello’s. I was bouncing my attention back and forth from my girl and away to someone/something else. Then a ‘B’ train came.
I stood up, and held my hand behind me for her to take it. She didn’t take it, first time all day of me offering it. She said something about not wanting to to go, but she was up standing and a few steps to the train. “Alright, It was fun meeting you…” as if I was leaving.
She stood there with with a look of the blues in her eye, so I pulled her back to the bench as I sat next to her, looking at her uncertainty and I started laughing. The ‘B’ train took off.
“I am going to the Hookah-bar, and then maybe grab a bite to eat in Brighton. It would be great if you came along, but I have better things to do than hang out in a train station. Why don’t you go home for now, it’s been a long day. You’d have a
great time at these places I am going too; I just have to take the next ‘B’ train that comes through. ”
She had no response so I just went on telling stories and chatting about other things. I explained what the next few steps of mine would be. She stayed engaged in the conversation, and I left some open loops to keep her in curiosity, keep her wanting more.
So I did. I got on the next ‘B’ and she came along. We went to Allston, touched base with a lot of my friends in these places. Then around 10 or so, we talked of going to the playground for a little while.
So far at
this point I have about 4 hours of flirting that led this whole thing to be where it is:
We were
at the bus stop, to go to the playground I intended. She was sitting on the bench, her elbows on her knees, her head on her hands facing down. I was standing up waiting for the bus and she looks up at me and says:
“I am Tired….. I want to go home, or I want you.”
I stopped, I thought about what she just said.
Of course I
was taken aback to what I just heard, but I showed nothing. I looked at her again and said as I would say to anything she would have said that I didn’t hear. “I’m sorry, what was that you said?”
“I am tired. I want to go Home, or I want you.” she repeated verbatim.
I thought for a minute. We had been kissing, I was building up her tension all day by stopping early and the ‘almost kisses’ that drive ‘em crazy. Where I have my face close, my lips close, but I smell her skin, the air rushing over as I inhale.
“Ok… let me check one thing.” I said. I sat down next to her and kissed her like I meant it, a real passionate kiss. I stood up and said “Okay.” and stuck my hand out for a cab.
….you can easily change her mood, not her mind. Stay non-reactive no matter if you are getting results that differ from what you wanted. Being non-reactive is very attractive. Make sure you are having fun.
If you aren’t having fun, she wont have fun. Girls like to follow the lead and a fun lead is better than anything else.
An easy way to start the momentum in a subtle way of her chasing you, and [private] chasing your approval of her. this is another key to keeping the sexual tension built. Once you have found some interesting points the two of you have rapport on say something like:
“You seem interesting to me, I might want to get to know you better & see how things go.”
She hasn’t won a place in your life yet. She is still on a moment to moment basis, depending on how well she does. You don’t just let any girl in your life, you have certain qualifications and she has to has to earn her place with you. [/private]
A man that walks tall and handles every situation with ease shows her a major protection when it comes to the rest of the world.
Girls are never quite sure how to properly qualify a man. They have been trying to get their process down since they started dating but after a few mistakes or men that didn’t turn out how they expected continues to refine their qualification process. If a woman sees a man who’s company is valued by other women, she assumes that he has already been pre-qualified on the qualities the women agree on.
When a woman meets a man that she cannot easily have completely simply based on her good looks as the bait, she works for what she can almost have & then appreciates and values her catch much more.
I say: “Actually I was just [private] being social. But honey, accusing a stud like myself of hitting on you is not a good way to get me to like you more. Try being yourself,I like that. But don’t expect to get in my pants, I am more than piece of meat for you to enjoy ” [/private]
It works best to generate attraction till you see an even keel of mutual attraction is going on. Stay away from the ‘What do you do?’, ‘Where are you from?’ even the ‘What is your name?’ type of interview questions until a healthy dose of attraction is built up.
Don’t start until you see her showing ways that she is interested in you first. Keep everything a playful vibe; these are all practice people until you see something more. Once you see her signals that she is interested, and then it is okay to be showing her that your interest is of the same level. Regardless of what you feel inside, you should be showing her and equal amount of interest to reward her signals, but nothing more yet.
If she feels like she has won your heart before you guys had a chance to get to know each other, she will think: ‘Game Over’ and move on to the next guy.
As soon as I see her touching me, laughing at my jokes (even the stupid ones) and she is staying around for like 20 minutes or so, then I know there is a sweet spot going on. It’s not till then I start asking her some screening questions: “So what do you do for fun?”
Every time she tells me things about herself that I like, that I am attracted to, I compliment her on those points. This shows her which topics and behaviors get the most reward. She will be increasing these which will ensure a better time for us both.
At this point of learning more about her, I will say: “When I first met you, I wasn’t so sure about you…but now that I get to know you you are pretty interesting. This is usually the point when I begin to increase my playful touching to further reward the amount I like her.
This may start with tapping and poking to high-fives, pushing, butt-bumping and thumb wrestling. After the playful stuff, I may move on to hugging, holding hands like I am mocking a couple, cheek kissing, and picking her up jokingly.[/private]
-she will be open and warm welcoming to your approach -she will think you are hot and want to give you her number[private]
-she will be caught of guard and not know what to do. As the interaction begins, she will take your lead to the tempo. If you decide that you like her, you can direct the way things will go
[private]“You’re sorry that you’re married? You’ve got to slow down girl, I am out here making friends…” (A lot of these types of things need to be said as playful teasing, joking banter. A mischievous smirk during the comment usually takes care of this.) Then to keep the flow going, without batting a lash, let it continue “
(or there is always: “Reeeaallly?!? I though marriage was about happiness, what are you so sorry for?”)[/private]
You are still that incredibly fun, interesting guy that she met. You have so many women that she has no idea if you are going to ask her out at all. You are totally un-needy. She wants you to tell her when and where to meet you. You don’t ask; you direct, since you are a leader.
Mainly, you want to reinforce in her mind…[private]
… that you are still that super fun guy she met, continue building lots of comfort (while keeping
the attraction fires burning), and last, but not least, get her to meet up with you.
The secret to good phone game is to be completely and totally un-needy. In any attractive woman’s life, there have been a million guys who she has her number to and lived to regret it; primarily because they made it a point to constantly ask her out at the slightest opportunity, whenever they had her on the phone. You are not going to be that guy. You are going to be that ultra-cool guy she wants to go out with but doesn’t give her any certainty that you will ever ask her out at all.
When you mention fun things you have in your upcoming plans, as soon as you hear her interest in them, it is so easy to suggest “Totally. I think we have room. You should definitely come along.”
“Our house almost got broken into when I was eight…but my if dad installed some swinging paint cans and some micro machines by the stairs that shit woulda never happened.”
You see, we never really know what is considered totally acceptable or not until we put it out there. I see some guys dtaying headstrong on maintaining what they do, have done to maintain an alpha strength while asking for okayness before they proceed.
It is actually stronger, more alpha, to have to confidence to do what you do and enough confidence once you see things may not be received as you thought and apologize for the reception.
It can be as easy as explaining you motivation, that what was misinterpreted is not what you intended and you are sorry it was taken that way.
“Don’t get me wrong, [private] I’m not trying to pick you up I’m just here to meet new people and make new friends. However, when we do hang out, and if we were to really connect, who knows? It could be fate.”[/private]
If you want a first date with a woman, and you pass up random moments to express affection or a skip to receive affection she will see right through you. Keep your detail monitor on her, please. Never let yourself automatically withdraw from her ‘accidental’ touch so to speak. It is time to promote it, to welcome it, to flourish it.
As with all things resembling rejection, upon opening a girl and early in the interaction, she hasn’t rejected the guy who opened her. He can’t take it personally yet because she has no idea what he is like, how fun he is, how exciting he is, and all those things. She has a certain amount of blocking maneuvers built in. These will weed out the first level of guys; this will qualify the weaker ones out of her scope before she needs to do any serious qualification. It is sort of a time saving technique.
Almost all girls have an auto-responder built in. They are raised to be polite, so of course she will say “It was nice meeting you” as a way to give a hint to end the conversation. She hasn’t said (and most girls wouldn’t say): “I am done talking to you”… so I can take this hint as I haven’t sparked any interest/attraction yet which is fine. It is easy to change topics like the signal wasn’t noticed. By frequently changing topics and coming back to touch base on ones talked about is how old friends converse. By keeping this same eye for her signals open, I will see which topics engage her, interest her, excite her & spark attraction in her.
This, in a way, will speed up the amount of rapport felt between you both. When you keep changing topics & find a bunch of them that you agree on, you have rapport on a variety of topics, like old friends. Women don’t need to have their conversations run on a linear structure; they very much operate on a moment to moment basis.
Also by staying in the conversation & changing topics shows a masculine strength. Woman will stay polite as long as possible; it’s part of their social nature. This gives a man the opportunity to find her hot buttons. If one reads her silly ‘nice meeting…’ as a signal and cowers away, they’ve answered a qualification factor very quickly for her. She sees this as a man with not much to offer in depth & variety to his personality, one who had no other interests left quickly, saving her time.
If she walks away, that is an obvious explicit signal. Yes I keep my eyes and ears open to read the signals women send in subtext and indirectly, but I only respond to the ones that I like. I have heard girls blatantly disagree with an opinion point I have made. I am fine with disagreement, but I will just accept her point and further the reasons I have come to my conclusion. After hearing what I had to say I have heard girls make a second statement, agreeing with my point, as if she had never disagreed a moment ago. By continuously responding to the ones I like and not the other, I always see the frequency of positive ones picking up. The girl is getting a reward for the positive ones, with them being replied to, while the other ones are just ignored.
Being such social creatures, they seem to have a craving for approval (or explicit lack of) to be going one way or the other in any interaction they are in.
Ok, from last Wednesday…I decided to log out this clip. I went into the Logan cafe…as I love it there…I figured a quick sandwich and a soda….Some beautiful bunny was leaning on the brochure counter looking as if she is waiting for someone…She was pretty model stat…Good-‘propa-lady’ like dressed on top of a Bally’s body…She held herself well, and when our eye contact was made…She humbly dropped [private] her gaze to the ground…for a couple a seconds…When she looks back up to see if I am still looking…which I was…I scoped her setup head to toes…On her look up she dropped her gaze again then a good 30 seconds before she looked to the side and the brochures…I figured I would say hi….
C.J.: “Hi, I do have a question for you.”
Beautiful Bunny at the Logan cafe: “Sure, what’s that?”
(I pause… pause. I paused for fun…)
C.J.: “Are you single?” (In my emotionless stone cold straight face)
Beautiful Bunnie: “Well, um…”
C.J.: “I’ll take that as a yes…” (I nodded in the grin that I felt creeping on…)
Beautiful Bunnie: (Laughter)
C.J.: “Well, I just happen to know someone that I
think might like you… if you’re more than
just a pretty face, that is… He’s fun and has
great taste, and I think you’d like him… I’d
love to sit down and get your life story, but I’m
on my way somewhere… do you have email?” I asked…
Beautiful Bunnie: “Yes.”
C.J.: Great… (I take out my favorite astronaut pen)… write it down for
me, and I’ll send you an email when I’m in ‘online time’.
I then folded her slip of paper slid it into the breast pocket of my jacket and wished her a good day…[/private]
Since girls have hit puberty, guys have been chasing them in one way or another. Guys grow up thinking they have to buy a woman gifts, take her out to dinner, and earn her approval. Girls on the other hand have had it easy their whole life, so once they meet an interesting guy who is actually a challenge for them to have his attentions, their desire and attraction quickly escalates.
With something as simple as sexual tension, [private] you are taking the role of the pursued party in the interaction. To get this started, you show her sparks of interest and attraction, but never completely. You still do not know if she is cool enough to add to your social circle even, not to mention getting intimate with her. While she never really knows if you are really into her or not, since she is getting mixed messages from you & this keeps her in chasing mode to find out for sure. When she feels a slight interest from you, she wants it to be certain. I see guys who express a ‘clear interest’ in a girl once they first meet her. This will lose her attention quickly and she will walk around to find a more challenging guy.
Consistently giving her these mixed signals causes tension to build to the point where she can only see a release of it would be to get intimate/physical with you. Then she will have the definite answer she has been looking for. Then she will have her uncertainty answered. The conflicting feelings in her that have built this tension are the indication to her that you might be interested, you might be attracted to her but she’s not so sure.
When you first meet a woman you can have great results in trading and building this tension while you playfully watch her chase you in a variety of ways. You see, body language is a powerful force in all of this. You can give her some undivided attention with your eye contact and keeping your gestures to be welcoming to her…and then SUDDENLY you let your attention be grabbed by something else. In the middle of a high point you have generated in her (You got her laughing, or talking about passionate subjects, or she is touching you more frequently), you can cut her off mid sentence and go check on your friends or open another girl who is nearby.
While the girl is talking you can triangulate your gaze (look from eye to eye to mouth to eye to eye…) on her which will indicate a kissing-though in your mind but then quickly find something else to do. Girls pick up on these things so once you have the seed planted, you can bounce your attention to a different subject. Once she has noticed it will be in her thoughts underlying everything else for a while. This in itself indicated your interest for her, but it is not guaranteed.
For most of the time you can give her your shining friendly personality. Reward some of her jokes with your laughs, reward some of her flirts with flirts back but then take them away. You can tease her like a little sister but just enough playful so she want more of this fun razzing you are giving her.
It can be very in-your-favor to be doing things that are opposite of common courtesy.
Much of what I teach is that of ‘capturing the frame’ or showing that you do understand where girls are coming from. To have indications of knowing these will set you apart from most guys right away. You can make it like you are going through the same things she goes through with an average guy, but you are going through those same things with her.
Let me give you an example. “Now just because you bought me a drink doesn’t mean I am sleeping with you tonight.” You see that is a thought that goes through many girls minds every time a guy buys them a drink. Girls are very social creatures and very polite by nature. With human nature often thinking of reciprocity, she thinks that.
Sometimes on a first date with a girl I may say: “Ok but I insist on paying my half, if picked up the whole tab I’d think I’d owe you (as I give her the playful sexual smirk) something else later…” This also takes the wonder of who pays for the first date dynamic. I don’t go through great lengths paying for dates until I know that I want her to be a regular part of my life. Before that, we are just meeting up, feeling each other out and I am seeing if she qualifies to spend any more time with me after this.
Half of capturing this type of frame shows that you do know how girls think but also by playing the part of the one going through these things as if she is chasing you.
Post: #1
“No Kelly, I will NOT have sex with you…”
In high school, I felt that I was, in a way, an outcast, not your standard popular kid in high school. The way I was, was very unique. I actually was voted ‘most unique’ in both junior high and high school. Sure everyone knew of me, but I was always outside the box of normalcy.
Although I never was part of a clique, I would be friends with so many girls, ever since I was young. When I was in High School, I bet people thought I was gay since like the gay dudes, I had a ton of chick friends. Often this would have chicks talking of subjects that they may not discuss in front of other guys or guys they wanted. I never made such a big deal as I listened to their flirts and relationships, I just took notes in my head.
Here is what started how I learned most of the stuff I learned that kicked me into studying, writing & teaching social dynamics now for quite some time.
A huge revelation happened with one of my chick friends. This was, lets say: Kelly. She was a top notch popular girl. She might have liked my punky ways, but we were just friends, she was just one of my chick-friends.
The way people pass notes to kill time in a boring class, I was passing notes with this Kelly. We would usually just write senseless things and try to make each other laugh just to make the the class time go by.
One of the notes I wrote her, all I wrote was: “Kelly, No, no, no, no, no, no, no,….” about ten times. That’s it. That’s all I wrote & I passed it to her.
When I got it back & unfolded it. What she had written back was: “C.J., yes, yes, yes., yes, yes, yes,” about TWENTY times.
Just joking, or so I thought at the time, to make her laugh I wrote “No Kelly, I will NOT have sex with you.”
She took the note, unfolded it and started cracking up laughing, just what I wanted. Then just to play along she looked at me with a turned out, pouty bottom lip.
Kelly was a top notch hott, popular chick with tons of friends and all the guys wanting her. Any and every guy in school would trade a limb just to get 5 minutes in bed with Kelly and she knew it. No guy that knew who she was would think it would be a sane decision to tell her that he would NOT have sex with her, even if he was joking (just in case…ya never know).
At the time, I would have said I’d do anything to screw Kelly, except it was an idea so far out of my realm of believable possibilities, I never even thought of it.
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At the time I was always trying to screw a chick I hung out with all the time that kind of kept me in the friend zone, but would have sex with me every once in while since I was persistent and always playful about it. I never took things seriously. I never let her rejection get to me, I just laughed it off and tried another time. Staying playful/joking in my pursuits kept is always in an easygoing playful manner.
Like my other chick friends, Kelly & I called each other every so often…what I didn’t really notice at the time is that Kelly started calling me to say hi a bit more often. She turned her flirting up a noticeable notch. Now instead of just chick-friend, or friend-zone type of stuff, she started getting jokingly sexual and a bit demure on me.
At that time, I was still mostly clueless. I didn’t realize what was going on until a time after when I thought through the time-line of everything and put the pieces together.
We stayed friends, talking every once in a great while. I moved out of my parents house and rented a house a few towns away, about 30 minutes. And then came that time she called and wanted to come over for a random nothing reason.
I was clueless, told her to come over, then resumed the stupid silly talk we always do. I still didn’t think a thing…until she was laying back on my couch with squinty bedroom eyes, saying in that coy-playful voice: “C.J., come over here…” Still I was sort of clueless…until I got over to her.
She put both her arms around my neck and pulled me to her. I saw what was happening and just went with it. We fucked that day, in the middle of the afternoon, 2:30 or something. Then at some point after wards while we were lying in afterglow or something, she says to me: “Hey C.J. (with a little giggle) I thought you would not have sex with me.”
Of course, I didn’t say anything to that in the moment but I remembered that note I wrote to her trying to make her laugh. To be honest, I kept it as a trophy for a while after We first wrote it. Although it was joking, I would show my friends: “Look at this note me and Kelly wrote, she wants to bang me so bad…” I just wished that was true when I said it, not knowing a thing.
Wow. I was blown away. At first I thought I was way over-analyzing the situation. I didn’t know exactly but back then I was convinced that she came over to be seductive on me was that I wrote her a letter a time back. I thought the only reason she came over to get me to fuck her was because I told her in a note that I wouldn’t have sex with her. I couldn’t believe she remembered that note. I did.
This sent me into a serious trial and journal phase. I would figure out how to elaborate this concept so I could use it at my beck & call. I would modify it for whatever situation I was in, but the core of it was that I would be indicating to girls that I would not have sex with them.
I would indicate that I didn’t want to date them. I would let them know that they could not have my number.
The core of this whole concept was that I made it clear that I did not want a particular girl, in a joking way and she would start pursuing my attentions. I would do different things to try this out and I would journal my results.
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By the way, this is one of the biggest suggestions I could make to an aspiring PUA. Start yourself a journal and write down every interaction you possibly can. Have your accounts saturated with details. Every cause and effect should be noted. Write out the different things you say, the different things you do and how she responds. Write out her mood, her receptivity to you, what pissed her off, what made her laugh. I couldn’t think of anything that has helped calibrate me to where I am today.
So as I was doing these things based on the first concept, ideas & concepts about it began to flourish and evolve. I started meeting girls and they were going through great lengths to be chasing me.
I met one girl in a supermarket in Rhode Island. She lived in providence but stared coming to Massachusetts every weekend that I would let her. I met a girl from Florida at a concert in Saugertise NY. We traded numbers, kept in contact until she came up to Massachusetts for a week to hang out with me. This is the same girl who asked me why I wouldn’t kiss her. She kept working to have her way until she got it.
Now it wasn’t about absolute blocking the girl. As I first said, it was all in joking. Then to keep the momentum, it became a game, like dangling the yarn in front of the cat. You dangle it, but pull it out of the cat’s reach before it grabs it. Maybe you let it get a small piece every once in a while.
With a girl, instead of the yarn it was feelings of validation and approval. I would give them small tastes of the good stuff, then take me out of their reach, just barely out of their reach. They always had to work at keeping me interested, which they did. They never felt like I was a sure thing with them.
*There actually are ways on this same core principle that keeps relationships fresh, never boring. It is much different in design, but same concept with different applications. If you kept up with the first part throughout a relationship, a girl would leave you to never have the feeling of security that a relationship provides. I will go into depth of the points that are modified for a relationship, but before that is meeting them and getting them into bed.
Switch that around. Imagine what it would be like if your hott dream girl was always trying to get you into bed. You’d be wicked happy with that on a regular basis, wouldn’t you?
Since guys hit puberty, we go around chasing girls, trying to convince them to be with us. We try to impress them so they’ll let us kiss them. We try to offer a good solid model of a man that looks like a good steady boyfriend, one that she will be with because he is stable. we go around thinking that buying them dinner and impressing them will win their heart.
Those are are very valid points and most of them are useful but since we have been chasing girls since we hit puberty, it is almost like a relief when they are chasing us. A man who is being chased by a girl, a man who feels wanted on a regular basis can focus his efforts and energies on bringing them both to fun places, adventures and experiences that they both will enjoy and never forget.
The same thing happens with a girl. Since she hits puberty, there are guys trying to win them over, all over the place. There are guys bending over backwards to get an indication of their approval. Guys have been going though great pains to be accepted, and hopefully liked by her.
She had to put very little, if any effort into always having a guy at her beck & call. Sure she keeps her looks in order, but she doesn’t have to invest in the interactions to feel like she has won the whole game.
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You know girls like sex. You also know that people want more of those things they cannot have. What they want most are those things they almost can have but not quite yet, just a hair out of reach.
A girl is actually happier when she is chasing a guy she likes since she never has had to do that her whole life.
Girls are humble creatures by nature. They won’t make a big deal getting things started with a guy, but once a guy gets things rolling and she is comfortable enough, she will chase with hopes higher than that of a dog at a cookout.
So both the guy and the girl are actually happier, from start to every step of the way along the process, when she is chasing him. Once I realized this from much trial and recording results that I went through, it dropped any feeling that this might not be the right dynamic to pursue.
As I have seen in PUA materials, I don’t like the thought of underhanded manipulation in any way. There actually was quite a famous pickup guru that along with his misogynist indications, he always seemed like he was skilled in tricking girls to sleep with them so he could drop them at the curb. I didn’t like that.
I grew up with a single mother and have enormous respect for women. Many women and girls have been a huge part of my life, my whole life. But this whole dynamic of girls in pursuit of a guy was actually what women enjoyed most, so I pursued learning more.
That was over 10 years ago, the learning never stopped and keeps growing as I share with people to this day.
Sept Day GSF
You can treat it as a joke or that you know she must be joking to be worrying about such trivial matters. To achieve the joke, the idea is to build suspense, then mix the serious with the ridiculous.
For example, on a first date she asks: “How long has been since you been on a date?”[private]
Hearing this, I pause & look very serious. “Well, does my mom count? …because she escorted me to the Halloween ball in the third grade.” [/private]
one of your dating ideas — Click here
Creative Date Ideas
Make a movie together—find odd props around the house, then come up with a funny scenario to act out.
Have a backwards date and do everything backwards from what you normally do on a date.
Find a little stream or small river and make boats out of aluminum foil then race them! Bet little things for the winner, such as “if my boat wins you have to hold my hand” or “if my boat wins you have to show me your favorite childhood park” its fun, creative, and competative. Good ice breaker and fun!~Jenn
Put on funny accents and go around town asking for directions to places that don’t exist ~ Mark
Gather a lot of make up. Your date makes you look “pretty”. And you make your date look “pretty”. And take picture and send the pics to your best friend who decides who looks “prettier”. And Have fun!!! ~kay
Dress in all black – buy window paint and go around town drawing funny pictures on your friends cars.
Buy flowers and give them to random people on the street who look like they need a “pick-me-up”
Marshmallow fight
Get a raft and put ii in a pool. Everyone get on the raft and watch “Jaws” projected on the side of the house.
Go out with some clip boards and do a survey in a public place. Use funny questions about how many times people brush their teeth and what they had for dinner.
Make something creative with clay
Cartoon date: Meet at 9am and watch cartoons while eating your favorite kids cereal…must be in your pajamas.
Go panning for gold in a river. Wear a funny hat and act like you really need to find some.
Go to a restaurant—just order appetizers
Go chat with random people and see how long people will talk with you in public place.
Make kites—go to a local park to fly them.
For a Creative group date – Go on a scavenger hunt in your neighborhood to find all the ingredients you need to make cookies. When the cookies are made, take them to a mutual friend or maybe a grandparent.
Go “people watching” at the mall—it can be fun to just sit and talk.
Go on a “Video Scavenger Hunt”
Directions: Each team has a video camera and a list of scenarios to get footage of — Here are a few possible ideas: Interview a complete stranger about something random, find a random stranger and greet them like an old friend, pretend to know them from somewhere, stage a “break up”, yell at each other and draw lots of attention, try on clothing for the opposite sex. As you can tell, this can be a ton of fun, especially when you go back and watch your footage.
Go for a bike ride in your neighborhood—maybe find a tandem bicycle to borrow or rent.
Go to the park and feed the birds
Go to random spots in your hometown and take pictures – Be creative and this date can be a lot of fun.
Go to your local animal shelter and play with the animals—Who knows, you just might find a new friend
Have a “Bring your own topping” waffle party—assign each group member to bring his or her favorite waffle toppings
Make homemade ice cream together
Make Cupcakes together – Decorate them with icing, sprinkles, or anything! Cupcake Liners & Wrappers
Lay trash bags on the floor and eat spaghetti together with your hands.
Find inner tubes and float down a nearby river
Get a role of quarters and have a contest to see who can get the best and most creative item from the 25cent machines (maybe in a shopping mall)
Go to the thrift store with 5 dollars; have a contest to see who can get the best item Or–buy clothing for your date – wear the clothing on the date
Color pictures together—find a fun coloring book or print coloring book pages off of the Internet
Creative finger painting date—put on an apron cuz this can get messy. Find some big paper or maybe a cardboard box and make a masterpiece together.
Blind-Fold Miniature Golf—miniature golf is fun, but it can be even more fun when you add some variations; play a round with blindfolds, then try playing three legged miniature golf (tie your dates left leg to your right leg)
Visit garage sales—Travel around your neighborhood on a Saturday morning and visit the garage sales.
Build a fort together out of blankets and furniture, or make your own haunted house
Take a trip to your local hobby shop – pick out a project to work on for the afternoon—maybe build a boat, or a rocket, something that you can play with!
Make-Your-Own Pizza
Play the game “Bigger or Better”
Directions: Each couple starts with something small—go door to door in your neighborhood asking people to triad you for something bigger or better than the item. At the end of a specified amount of time, gather together as a group and vote on who got the biggest and best item.
Go ice blocking—slide down big hills on a large block of ice. Bring towels to lay on the ice (to sit on).
Make creative outfits for each other out of newspaper, then have a fashion show!
Set up a tent in your front room, sit in the tent and eat dinner on a blanket–build a
fake fire, or roast marshmallows over a candle.
Have a progressive meal
Directions: Select different restaurants around town and go to each one. Order drinks at one, appetizers at another, go somewhere new for the main course, and top it off with your favorite desert in town.
Go on a nature walk and pick up garbage on the way, give a prize for the strangest item found, and for the most garbage collected. Its fun, and your doing service in your community!
Go on a picnic, but choose somewhere extremely random–like on your roof
Read a book together—Choose your favorite childhood story and read aloud
Put on a play – choose a popular story from literature, or a movie
If you or your date are the Creative Musical type – Write a song together
Build a sand castle—this could be at the beach, or even in a sand box
Make your own drive in movie! Borrow or rent a projector and watch a movie in your backyard, or set your TV up in the garage and watch your favorite movies from inside your car.
Wii Olympics — get a group together and have a competition using Wii Sports
Glow sticks in a park – need we say more
Build something together with legos or lincoln Logs
Have a Fondue party – Get a good Fondue recipe (they are all over online) and have a Fondue dinner, or Fondue desserts.
Play dress up—be sure to take lots of pictures
Make life lists together—all the things you want to do before you die – Be creative and help your date come up with some fun things.
Have a Marshmallow eating contest — see who in the group can fit the most mallows in their mouth!
Reverse Trick-or-Treating
Directions: Dress up in your Halloween costume (any time of year) and walk around town with your date knocking on doors. Instead of asking for trick-or-treats, bring treats of your own to hand out.
Play live Clue—This one requires some creativity
Directions: Hand out clues to each individual in the group (location, weapon, killer etc..) ask each other questions to determine the killer. This can be a lot of fun but requires some creativity and preparation.
Have a “LAN Party”—a computer game night with everyone playing at the same place. This can be fun even if you don’t normally enjoy video games—just laugh together and have a good time.
Make a fancy resturant in your apartment/room and have your friends serve you with food you made.
Go to ChuckeCheese or Mcdonalds for dinner. Do activities that would be a kids dream to do. Arcades and Disney movies rock.
Frisbee in the dark with glow sticks and a light up frisbee ~JaNae
Pick a culture of the world and imitate with food, activities, and clothes to match.
Make your date decide.
Directions: make it mysterious for your date–take your ideas to them throughout the week, tell them to just answer the random questions you ask them. For example: red or white (color of flower you bring) fast or slow ( fast food or sit down restaurant) hot or cold (Ice Cream or hot cocoa) – Anything will work. You ask them during the week then during the date reveal to them what they decided. It’s quirky and cute but fun.
Go to an art museum with a date that appreciates art just as much as you do( more fun if that appreciation is minimal) and make fun of the art. Gives time for good one on one convo and you can show off your funny side. If you really do love art thats great too!
Here is a Creative Date Idea – Play paint twister. Make a twister mat using some old plastic (like a tablecloth)– except put paint where the colored dots would be. SO MUCH FUN ~Julie
Have a fancy dinner consisting of breakfast cereal. (Its funner if they see the fancy setting before they know what’s on the menu, then they get a funny surprise). ~ Dani
Build paper airplanes and shoot them down with shotguns. ~Dave
Have a paint war. Get large bath sponges and cut them into baseball size sponges then dip them in buckets of washable paint and go crazy. ~Andy
Kidnapping – this can be fun when done by boy Or girl. A group of guys or girls go out and kidnapp their dates, blind fold them, the whole shabang. Then surprise them by taking them to a cute picnic at the park. Fun if it’s with a group or can be a cute romantic single date. ~ Allyson
Survivor date- double date, select several activities such as a game, puzzles, eating contest etc… and have competition with the other couple to see who is better. You can also play it so that the loser buys desserts. Makes it more interesting. ~ Matt
Make a list of outrageous things on a Bingo card like mullets, scrunchies, spandex pants and hiking boots, etc and walk around Wal Mart trying to find people sporting the items on your bingo cards. Loser has to buy the winner Hot Pockets for dinner ~ Dena
Go to the park and have a picnic. But to mix it up a little have one of your friends come and dance for you (ribbon dancing is always good). It is quite the sight! ~Michelle
Eat lunch in the middle of a round-a-bout. Bring a blanket and a basket, have fun, and watch peoples faces as they circle you ~Aaron Ross
Play hide-and-seek with multiple couples in walmart! You and your date are a team against the other couples! ~ Michael
Buy little tubs and fill them with different colored paint. Have a paint war! ~Kaitlyn
Build a fort in your house using blankets and tables/furniture..etc. Then you can play games, watch a movie, do a coloring book, do a puzzle..anything you want inside the fort.
Find some good skipping rocks, buy some glow sticks, and go to a lake. Take a plastic bag and put the rocks in the bag — break the glow sticks open and pour them into the bag with the rocks — mix it around. by the way you do this at night. Then skip the rocks and see them glowing as they skip across the water. ~ Micah
Go with your date to a movie one night with a big group of friends. Although instead of staying and watcing the movie you and you’r date ditch the rest and go for a walk. Find somewhere calm and quite that would be a great place to be alone. You will of had preset a blanket and a picnic basket at this place all ready for you and your date’s arrivial. Inside the basket should be pizza that you asked to be cut in the shape of a heart and something to drink (simple stuff be creative). You and you’r date will have a great time under the stars cuddled up on a blanket and afterword you’r date will have a fantastic story to tell to their friends who were wondering where in the world you two went. ~ Howi
Go to a party store or a costume store and buy some crazy hats and fake mustaches. Anything to make you look goofy. Then take on a fake accent and a name and go out to a public place and eat. Tell random stories and make yourself look outrageous but not obnoxious. This is super fun because it makes the people around you laugh and cheer up but at the same time you and your date are having a blast being silly. ~ Devi
Go to a store, Ikea works great, and in all the room settings, make up a scenario and act them out. For example, in one room that has a tv, pretend you’re watching a scary movie
When a girl starts giving out a bitch attitude, it is easy to bring her back up to a playful vibe:
“Ah, getting feisty eh? You know what I would [private] do?!? I’d dress you up in a red PVC devil outfit. Complete with the horns like thins and a tail…and some bitch boots with a pitchfork…and your friend here. She’s nice. I’d dress her up in a similar but angel outfit with wings and a furry halo. I’d roll with you guys, one on each arm down the street. Every girl would be jealous of you and every time I was to make a decision…I’d let each one of you fight over which decision is the most fun. Whichever is the most fun, we’d do that.”
Give it a try, it has brought giggles out of the bitchiest girls. Post your results in the comment box below. Let your adventure Continue! [/private]
While I am talking to a new girl and things have found their way to something boring I may ask: “Now that we are talking, I have a question for you. Do you think [private]magic spells work? I never believe in that hocus pocus but just recently I had an amazing thing happen. Hey let me show you something. Give me your hand. Stand up for a second.”
As I lead her up, she stands up. Then I maneuvered my place to be behind her to sit where she was just sitting. “I just stole your seat.”
I am laughing at this point “Nah, I’m just kidding, stay close. I want to try an experiment, I have to go in a second and then you can have your chair back
once you have the parts after the conversation is going to be getting you the best results. Then relying on body language for invites to open [private]and more is great.
From what you tell me and what I have seen in you, you have some things to work on before all of that. You need to have some of the in-between details covered so when that dream girl crosses you path, you have everything covered to capture and hold her interest.
By opening girl upon girl without any signal, that is going to keep reducing your anxiety until you are continuously finding yourself in the middle of conversations when you see it was so natural to get in them, you didn’t think twice.
This will also drop your conscious or unconscious desire for a specific outcome to happen in any interaction (they like you, you get a number, you get a date, whatever) which is detected in girls. They are very attracted to a man who they know can take or leave their company so easily since there is another girl waiting to be opened, waiting to enjoy your company.
Having those things so natural changes things in a man. Rather than settle for a girl that will spend time with him, he can have a clear picture of what he wants in a girl he spends the most time with and have exactly that. A man who has his relationships by choice because of who the people are, rather than chance because the work together or will settle, will see every other aspect in his life flourish in many ways.
If you look at the Pyramid of Maslow, the two steps before ‘Self-Actualization’ are in regards to the people in the life of a man. Once those basis are covered and covered well, the top step can have its refinement.
There are always parts throughout the processes that seem like hard work, but I can promise that the reward way-outweighs this work in a million ways.
To keep extinguishing that anxiety you told me of, I want you make a commitment to yourself. You told me you could open groups much better when you were directed or told to.
Throughout your days, you are all around the areas. I want you to start a conversation with 5 new people every day. It does not matter if the conversations last, this need no outcome at all, just the first steps. You can ask directions, ask the time, compliment somebody’s accessories, whatever.
If a conversation flourishes from this, then fantastic. If not, you have made your starting move and have succeed. You can track them in your phone’s memo pad, or write an email to yourself, or jot them down in a piece of paper. For each number, have at least one point about the person that will remind you of the conversation.
Depending on what you do though a day, if you don’t pass 5 new people in a day, go to the mall, the train station, or a place with a bunch of people and make sure your 5 is done.
To make sure you are accountable, then you can shoot me a quick email, with 1-5 listed and a point about each one. That is just to start creating a habit for yourself but we can also use those lists later to bring up points in conversations that you were involved in, to understand the pros and the cons of them.[/private]
Talk to her for a few minutes then walk away and do something else (this is key when [private] you see she is at a high point because of your interaction.
This keeps her wanting more. You can make her want what you have, what you are. Give her a little and then tease her a bit.
Do not make anything easy to get. Stay mysterious.
There is no need to answer questions about work so early. Be vague, especially if you have a really good answer. The most confident people never need to brag. Never give a woman a direct answer.
Play with her a little bit. Answer questions with questions. Get her to commit to something. If she complains or doesn’t like something, turn it up and give it back the way you would to our little sister.
Never give a woman exactly what she asks for. Always send mixed signals. Tell her “let’s be friends” at random times to show her she is in danger of getting stuck in your ‘friend-zone’ and nothing else.
Be unpredictable. Keep mixing it up and changing the patterns. Be distinctive, not boring. As far as showing your interest, take two steps forward then one step back. That would be two steps that indicate your interest to her, with a separate single one to indicate you’re not interested.
Keep up the tension. Like playing poker, always raise & call her bluff. You can lead and move forward very confidently. There is no need to apologize, act apologetic or insecure. Don not try to get any approval or look like you are trying to impress people, especially girls. Softies are for the dryer[/private]
It is okay, this is a good place to indicate your feelings on these things. it is better to have everything on the table than [private] to have her stand you up. This way, you are more likely to go out with her at another time. You can easily tell her something like:
“There’s one thing I hate it is flakey people. You sound like you weren’t sure about this. If you’re not gonna show up, that’s cool but wasting my time is not.”
****************************
To a really gorgeous girl with a super tight, hott body: “You know, you have a really interesting figure.”
[/private]
Cj Clark Piona
3 minutes ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona You can make whatever you dream of happen as turn within your life, full force…and if you appreciate every little success along the way…each piece and part that comes to you, it seems to come in a flourish of over ten-fold than ever expected possible…
2 minutes ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona that is how it has been for me anyways…realizing the beginnings of all of this started for me in fullest force, last spring, February/March 2010 or so…
2 minutes ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona then completely exploded in never-ending waterfall of all I had dreamed of in amounts that bring my to the uncertainty even in emotion, to laugh or cry or shout at the sky HUGE THANK YOU’s to all of the universal higher powers, what I know to be God of my universe, our universe…in fuller force than I ever thought possible. Thank you., and Thank you too Joni. Comments like yours remind me of all of the wondrous windfalls to be more saturated in them, immersed in the feelings
about a minute ago · Like
Cj Clark Piona of appreciation and MORE than my ever-ready nature to share everything and anything I have learned along these lines…to show someone else to have all of this is what makes me feel complete in my purpose…and the sperm who won the race to the egg, that third of a century ago. Thankful.
There is no reason to show off. The most successful people with the greatest achievements talk about them like they are very insignificant.
I have heard different guys’ response to a girl’s questions of “What do you do?” go into a very dramatic long, detailed answer where he thinks he is being subtle about how cool he is, or how prestigious his job is, or how smart he is to have gotten there or how wealthy he is because he did.
This looks very insecure and women are masters at seeing through this type of thing.
Usually with a qualifying type question like that, I am [private]flattered that she is interested enough at this point to want to know more but I still give her a teasing/joking (Obviously BS) answer and spin it back to her, have her qualifying herself to me. “Ya, I have finished school for it and now I am working by scraping the gum off the bottom of seats at movie theaters. Very demanding nowadays…What do you do?”
Or I may tell her “I jump out of cakes at birthday parties.” Or “I am a disposable lighter repairman. 4 years of schooling finally paid off. “
Usually the girl laughs or chuckles to my joke, then goes on to tell me seriously about her career paths. Now this has the momentum generated of her qualifying herself to me, working to win my approval.
When I do get to what I do for work, rather than tell her what it is, I explain to her all the reasons I love what I do. I’ll talk about how I got into it, and how it fulfills me very much. “When I was a kid my dad told me to think of something that I would do all day/every day for nothing. Once I could earn a living doing that, I am successful. At this point, I am as close to that as I can imagine, and the direction I am in, what I have planned gets even better.”
Even as she asks me for details I stay very vague at this point. I spend the time talking about the fulfillment it gives me to help people to their successes, or examples of why I love what I do.
I tell her: “You know what? I’m gonna make you my girlfriend for the next 5 Minutes, I hope you won’t stalk me when we break up. ”
Then I start the plot line for our little shared imagination movie: “Since we only have 5 minutes, we need to [private]make this really good, ok? Good. So girlfriend, how’s your mom? Tell her I said thanks for the birthday gift, but it really didn’t fit. No, don’t tell her that part, I loved it!” as I am laughing with her since it so silly.
To re-engage the scenario, I pick it back up in a few minutes: “Hey girlfriend, I have something to tell you: I’ve been cheating on you…with your best friend.”
She was mockingly defensive: “Oh no! How could you?” and playing along.
“I’m really sorry girlfriend (I continue to call her: “girlfriend” too, not her name. It was fun to stay in character, even if sometimes I used a gay voice to say it. )
“I couldn’t help myself.” I continued “I’m just really sexual… you know that!” as we played charade kiss & make up scenes, to keep the goofiness going. [/private]
let the lull in conversation happen. It is okay. This can even be a [private] form of compliance test. Wait until she starts conversation, girl’s nervous energy during silences can work in your favor at this point.
Once I see her trying to invest a little more, I may cut her off, knowing she is attentive. “Ya, hold that thought. What I wanted to ask you and tell you was…” and then continue those fun topics from before or ones like them.
[/private]
Conversation Article 1: Demonstrating Higher Value (DHV)
You cannot brag about yourself. Bragging is demonstrating lower value (DLV), it shows that you are overly cocky, and it just makes it look like you’re trying way to hard to pick them up. However, there is a way of demonstrating higher value (DHV) without bragging about yourself.
One way to DVH your self is by[private] story telling. True stories about your self can create a picture of what it is like to be in your life. When you tell stories about your self, this is demonstrating who and what you are as a person.
Here is some other ways to DHV yourself:
-Being the protector of loved ones
-Being the leader among men
-Being preselected by women
-Being willing to talk about emotions
-Being non needy or outcome dependent
-Not being emotionally affected
-Being socially aware or intelligence
-Doing things that “suitors” wouldn’t do
-Having a strong frame of mind
-Knowing interesting things
-Stimulating a woman’s emotions
-Being socially in demand
-Being able to emotionally correct
-Having a sense of humor
-Well groomed
Now there is one thing that men make a mistake of: Not talking about your ex girlfriend. It’s one thing to talk NICE things about your ex, and another thing to BAD talk about your ex. Talking nice things about your ex shows that you are not being emotionally affected by the break up and that women are preselecting you. You can also talk about your chick friends as well to build on the comfort ability and that women are preselecting you.
Having access to resources is another way to DHV your self. Among your family and friends, you got resources to all kinds. So it’s a good idea to know what your friends and family do for a living, because who knows?…they might be useful.
When your arrogance is combined with humor, to be very funny it shows you are having a good time. You have no need to earn any woman’s attention or acceptance or approval. This has to be the fact of all matters with her. You are a [private]strong provider that can stride confidently through the battlefields of life with or without her. However, if she earns your affections then she can come along for the fun you have in store. (Click title for whole article)
If your comments are funny and make people laugh they are very welcome. They are enjoyable even when you are giving a person a hard time about something or teasing them. The tension of uncertainty excites people in such a way that allowed the teasing you may have in store for them.
This strong providing man striving through the battlefields of life needs to be tested by a woman to know how strong their strength is. No matter what a woman presents you with true maintain your composure through all thick and thin will display a valuable guide to her. Getting angry and or upset over meaningless issues reveals insecurity and a person and is unpleasant to be around nonetheless.
Please do yourself a favor and welcome all of her tests. They are indicating that she is interested in you and would like to know more about you. Be charmed by this, and welcome it just make sure you maintain all of your composure throughout all of this. After some time, you will be able to see through them, see what they are and understand where she’s coming from. Remember that you never need to embrace or accept negative energies coming towards you and you can walk away at any time. You are a non-clingy person. “I do not need and negative energy in my world and I can walk away any time it feels less than desirable.”
#1- Push her against a door
Simply look her deep in the eyes for a whole moment, saying nothing. Then grab her and push her back against a door with you coming to the door too, to make a girl sandwich with your body and the door. Press yourself into her and start making out with her aggressively. Enjoy every taste of her like she is a delicious desert. Tell her: “I want to fall inside you.” but still hold off. Once you told her that, the seed has been planted, let her want more of you as long as you can.
This same move can also work against a wall, but you have to be extra careful about pushing her against a hard surface that doesn’t give (it can hurt and break her out of the moment) and a wall makes less of a ”SLAM!” noise than a door does. Be firm not shoving.
Dominant sex move #2- Pull her hair
For foreplay, stand behind her, kissing her neck. First rach up to the back of her head where her hair starts, and pull her hair back. Girls really go crazy for this.
When you’re doing her doggy style (a very dominant position), you can enhance your dominance by pulling her hair as you say dirty words in your low sexy voice to her.
Dominant sex move #3- Push her face into
the floor
Phucking her doggy is very dominant. You are physically above her and she is on her hands and knees. As you’re phucking her doggy style, use your hand to force her head and shoulders into the bed sheets. Sometimes I lay her on her stomach, he legs together. Then from above her I enter her while using my hands on her lower back, lightly pinned to the bed. She can feel total surrender in this.
Dominant sex move #4- Pin her hands down
Once some playful flirts have gone back and forth between you two, throw her onto the bed missionary position and with her hands above her head, forcefully pin them down as you phuck her.
Dominant sex move #5- Fuck her hard, fast,
and deep
Girls like it when you ravish the shit out of them with everything you have, full of passion and energy. Phucking a girl hard, fast, and deep is both dominant and characteristic of a healthy alpha male in full embrace of his masculine energy.
Dominant sex move #6- Kiss her forcefully
take her face and push your tongue in, like you are giving her a forceful tongue penetration. Make the kiss wet, forced, and nasty. Every time a tongue is pushed in their mouth they assocaite that to penetration on them in hotter places.
Dominant sex move #7- Manhandle her into
position
When you want to switch position, (each one is a combination of new sensations for her) don’t tell her nicely. Decide what you want and manuver her that way. You can roughly grab your girl by the legs, arms, waist, or whatever body part to get her moved right and forcefully manhandle her into the next position you want her in.
Girls seeing this strength of character is what hold desirability for a guy. Seeing him change his ways, because of her whims or because of something that hasn’t even been indicated as something she doesn’t like
With most girls, especially that early in a relationship, then knowing they are with is very desired by other women reminds them they have a catch.
They continue to be putting their best foot forward. They continue to keep their actions to be ‘chasing’ so to speak and doing what pleases the man the best they can. Which by the way is part of feminine inherent nature, they like to please the ones they care about.
Yes there is an exception to every rule, but as a general principal, girls follow their biological coding and stay feminine and humble, to be approached.
Now when a dude stares across the bar, or the dance floor, he is broadcasting way too loud and clear and practically begging to be approached by the woman. Sorry buddy, its not going to happen. Get out of your seat, walk over to her and [private]
say hi.
Girls do not approach guys.
I see guys with this on their mind all the time. The other night I was on the bus and this hott girl got on. I was in a conversation with a girl I purposefully sat next to. The hott girl got on the bus and sat down, he sat in the seat facing sideways in front of her. In the way he sat down, I first was convinced he was going to start a conversation. It almost looked as if her knew her…that was until a minute or two went by.
Watching him look over at her, I could tell he wanted to talk to her but he didn’t. In my head I was rooting for him to just say hi, his seat was in front of hers, it was so easy to have some small talk as the bus went along. She probably would love a little chat to make the boredom of the bus ride go by, and if he had some skill, he could easily generate some attraction in the few minutes till one of their stops came up.
Girls do not approach guys. Sure, there are always wonderful exceptions and you will find yourself better off knowing this as a rule. Girls are biologically the passive creature. They are not going to approach you, and they wont respond to your approach if it is way too obvious you are interested in them before knowing them.
Now when a dude stares across the bar, or the dance floor, he is broadcasting way too loud and clear.
Girls do not approach guys.
There are always wonderful exceptions but you will find yourself better knowing this as a rule. Girls are biologically the passive creature. They are not going to approach you, and they wont respond to your approach because it is way too obvious you are interested in them. Do a little eye-contact flirting. Once you get a signal that she is interested, walk on over.
Cj Siege Tell her this: “hey I noticed you from over there & had to come over & say hi. see what ur like…” It doesn’t say more than u mean, nor is it trying too hard to maintain a status of any sort …just clear, direct, honest & to the point. Like any new interaction, yes her beauty has draw you over, but u want to see what she is like before u decide further
2 seconds ago · Like
THIS starts the momentum in exactly the right place, she now knows she hasn’t won you over with her looks alone, you want to see what she is like AND THAT will decide how things go from then on.
(a few comments in reply to a story I recently heard)
[The moral of the story: Have better things to do than meet women.]
Totally and in essence, by indicating that you have better things to do than meet-up with women, this shows you are a very [private] deep, complex, multi-interest/passionate type of guy. This is more of the type of guy girls like to be with. She will not see the value in hanging out with a guy who will drop everything to meet up with her, but will find value in hanging out with a guy who likes her enough to try and make a little time for her.
[You see, he actually made himself much more attractive by doing exactly what he did.]
This is part of the almost-validation that leads girls to be in that wonderful place of being in pursuit of a guy that she likes, not being the pursued. Both the girl and the guy are much happier in these relationship dynamics for the sort-run and the long-run.
A girl has felt pursued by guys her whole life; since puberty. Most guys have been in pursuit of girls since puberty. Once a girl finds a guy she has to work a bit to earn his favor, she appreciates her ‘catch’ much more. Once a guy is being pursued by women, his personal value, self esteem goes to very healthy places. They both can grow much better in this kind of relationship, as people.
[Last, he doesn't present himself as timid or even like he did anything wrong, because he hadn't.]
I see guys getting caught in this trap all the time, taking responsibility for something that wasn’t their fault, to sooth the woman, or so they believe. When the facts can be clearly identified to understand responsibility, it can even free up the pride from its hesitation from apology. I recently had a girl who was texting me & calling me during a time I was involved in a project, which I don’t answer my calls/texts when I am involved in activities.
After calling/texting me every hour or 2, without any response from me, she got pretty bothered. When I was freed up and returned her contact, I could tell she was pretty stirred up, although this was not because of any wrongness of my actions. I clearly stated to her “Although there was nothing I could have/would have done differently, I am sorry you felt that way.”
Based on the facts, I was honest as I could be. There was nothing I would have done differently, yet I had no intention of her getting all bothered. I don’t like it when people in my life are upset, regardless if I had no control of the reasons they are. So yes, I was sorry she was upset. I wasn’t sorry for anything I did or didn’t do, I was simply sorry she got upset over things.
She could hear, based on what I was saying that I had no apologies for my actions, yet I was empathetic enough with her to care how she felt. By what I said, she can clearly understand that I’d like her to be happy, yet I won’t change my routines to make this happen.
[Lowering her value and raising his. As her emotions began to wear on her, he became more valuable because she invested feelings, energy and time into a man who has better things to do than meet some girl]
This is a great explanation. I see guys getting a bit confused to what it means in social dynamics to be ‘higher value’ or ‘lower value.’ It is not so much one simply being a higher value person in a general sense (although this may be a part of what leads to it, I have also seen it have no effect) of social status.
As you can see, she valued spending time with him more than he valued spending time with her in that moment. She valued his company more at that time compared to how much he valued her company. He’d like to spend time with her, but had a few things higher in priority. Rather than value being rated on the general scope of things, it was amount of value time spend with the other meant to a person.
She will be processing what is being said and some expression will come with her remarks, you can see if she is getting engaged. Once the conversation starts, I watch her body language and overall energy and calibrate to it. It is nice to have energy slightly higher than hers is. Having it close will indicate rapport & being slightly higher will start to raise her energy, raise her vibe of fun because of you there.
(question from 1-on-1 dating skill coaching session)
You never know if the boyfriend is real. Seeing you continue on in conversation when this is mentioned by a girl shows great confidence and[private] no neediness for specific outcome. You can enjoy the moment and move on after. If it was an automatic things that girls say when approached by new guys, then it will dissolve as she gets to know you better. If is is a real boyfriend and she has been thinking of leaving him anyways then you might be who she wants. If she has a real boyfriend but you do enjoy her company, she might be a great friend to be out places with. That will be enjoyable time and if you open other girls, she wont’s care and the other girls already see you as a girl-friendly guy, or pre-selected by women, so to speak. (F10) [/private]
…because they don’t turn off the sexuality… [private]“nice” guys think women will be terrified of their
sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny.
The great part of this is, is that a guy does not have to be a bastard to keep this same attraction switch on. Keep sexual topics flowing freely from your mouth and she will see that sex is an acceptable topic to be discussing with you.
“I hear about all this equal rights talk going on. Did you know that women are capable of NINE different types of orgasms? Guys only get two types that we can have, this ‘nine’ business seems like you got a better end of that deal.”
Saying something like this opens the table for okay-ness to have sex on it and also shows a sexual intelligence that most guys do not have. If you know this much, she will go on to wonder if you know how to give her those nine types.
“Hey honey, don’t worry about it. I’m cocky for a big reason.:
(www.getherchasingyou.com) Maintaining her chasing through texting
For a good example of how well girls respond to playful anything and how the like a masculine dominance express so they feel better about their feminine humility/submissiveness to come forth, there was a recent message banter I thought I could share.
She has actively contacted me every so often. We have hung out but a few times more recently she had to cancel tentative plans because of complications in her life. So a few days ago I get this message:
HBNurse: Hey sweetie whats up with ya ya ya? Do u miss me or do u hate me now? Xo
(I am guessing she is referring to her last need to cancel our tentative plans.)
Me: You are in a neutral limbo status with potential available to you that could put you on the good side in a moment’s notice…that is if you take the right steps.
(Subtextually, I am letting her know that I haven’t totally written her off, but if she wants ot be in good favor with me, there are steps she will need to take. This is another level of that sweet spot to indicate to girls. They do not have total..[/private] …approval yet they are not rejected/dismissed. There is a clear enough indication that her actions in the right way can lead to the rewards she wants. Not too easily obtained, but the potential is within her reach.)
HBNurse: K. I would like right steps obi wan. School ur young jedi…..
(This is great. She is the one to turn it into a game, so to speak. She is following my lead to what I indicated, but giving us the fictional roles of characters in Star Wars. I hear which way she is following my lead and I go with that as well, rewarding her choices that are in the direction I want along the way. Like in child psychology, reward the good behavior you want more of & ignore the negative behaviors to make them go away. Girls work the same way. Good result or bad result they are driven to do those things that get the most attention. )
Me: Ok, Miss Young Skywalker…first step is for you to alert me when you are in my area and have a block of time to do what you want with.
(Here, I am rewarding her following my lead and I will play along with the roles she found. The roles actually will let me be more direct as the game goes along since it is joking, with the real meaning heard underneath. She hits me up every so often with texting banter, but here I am telling her to let me know when she wants to get together & is ready to take more of my direction. I already won’t make plans with her unless I am absolutely certain she will follow through, so when she does what I asked, this is the first step in her making a commitment she will follow through with. )
HBNurse: Yes master…. Then?
(I know she wants to text banter on a sexual level at this point. I will do nothing but vague hints to let her imagination do most of the work. Just like there are ways to build tension and create open loops in texts, tension can be released for her in texts. I see her curiosity and decide to keep it at that at this point. With this game on the table now, later I can simply recall that curiosity in her at a later point with it.)
Me: You will be given the next directions when you have successfully completed the first step…and second step isn’t guaranteed unless it is clear you are ready for more…who knows, you may get second step first time you complete the first one or maybe you won’t get it until the tenth time you have completed the first step…it all depends on the moment & your readyness for more in that moment.
(Here I am telling her that her curiosity will not be satisfied until she completes the first direction I gave her. I won’t even tell her the next steps. Some girls can get release of that tension through sexy talk through even texts. Every girl is different but I like to continuously be building tension, holding off from that release until it can be done physically.)
HBNurse: Yes master… I understand! What will u have me do…
(She heard what I said, but is trying again to get me to give her some sexier talk within the texts. I will vaguely hint at more when I see that my building of more tension will have her wanting that release AND is able/ready to meetup for that release to happen physically. Not only do I repeat what she needs to do to get what she wants… )
Me: Good girl, but listen: <> …it may be different depending on the moment you complete that….depending on the current moment & how ready for more you express you are.
(…I get a little more specific so she knows what factors will increase the likelihood of her getting what she wants.)
HBNurse: Yes master soon ill b ready to complete my training….
(Here she is telling me she heard what I said & is clear. Previously I told her to withhold contacting me until she had a block of time with no constraint but it still is no guarantee.)
Me: Ok, Leave me be until you feel you are ready.
(I know I can call back the theme of this banter at any time later to remind her or re-spark her curiosity…but for now, I will take away this banter until she tells me she has time, or I pick it up to re-spark those things.)
What girls want least is those things they can have too easily. They want those things more that are hard to get. What they want most are those things that are just a hairsbreadth out of their reach, what they can almost have if they figure out the best steps to take. Giving them indication of what those steps might be is a good feeler to see their readiness. As soon as they start to try (getting the chasing going) they will get small rewards with indications of how they can modify their steps to get bigger rewards.
I stay vague about the exact reward possible, just vague hints but am clearer about the steps they need to take…[/private] …to even find out what those rewards might be. I let their imagination do most of the work. It comes up with things closer to what they want, and their never quite sure if they are right anyways.
That uncertainty creates desire in them just to find out what those rewards might be and to know a clearer picture of what they need to do to get them…. is a larger factor in creating desire than anything explicit described anyways.
So it all started at Allston bar/grill, Sunset Grill. I was there a little early to be meeting some friends there for dinner. The waitress gave me a table beeper and I sat at the bar to wait for my friends. I was sitting on the corner of the bar and on the adjacent side of the bar were 4 girls in a row. I eye contacted with a smile the two that were closest to me.
As soon as the girl closest to me got her drink, we talked about her beer a bit. We mad some jokes about beers. To explain her reasons to be out on a weeknight, she says that she and her friends ran the marathon that day, so even though I only partially believe her (based on her delivery) I play along with her joke.
I scan across the row of girls and notice the one farthest from me, the youngest and the cutest of the bunch is doing some eye contact flirting heavily but is much more reserved than the other 3 girls.
The first girl then points out each girl in the row and tells me of something that was significant about them in the marathon simultaneously doing a mini-intro without names. She tells me one girl had a knee go out in the last 2 miles, that she personally had stomach ache during part of the race and small factors about each one during the race. It seems as if she is making the whole thing up, but I play along for playful sake.
At one point she is playing with her phone and I see an engagement/wedding band on the indicator finger. She was wicked fun to talk & joke with, so I just noted it in my head & went on with the convo. My first buddy shows up. After a few minutes of catch up talk, I quickly introduce him in to the girls. I use the same intro the first girl did with me when she introduced me to the group.
I started announcing the group to my buddy as an introduction. “Ya, and these girls ran the marathon today. This girl had a stomach-ache, This girl a knee problem…” I began with…. and the first girl finished my introduction to my buddy with the specifics she told me previously. She finished up the introductions.
Conversation went on with me, my buddy & mostly the girl closest to us and a little less with next girl over and even less with the 3rd girl in the group.( Nothing but gazes from the last girl in the row.) At one point the second girl in the row mentioned her husband offhandedly in a comment so I made my second note in my head. The girls were fun to chat with, so it kept going on for a few minutes until their appetizers came.
As the first 3 girls were eating their appetizers, I saw the last girl in the row, the one making her heavy eye contact flirts. She had no appetizer and was just sitting with her drink. She was blond, very cute & definitely caught my attention. She had a rocker chick vibe which has caught & held my attention more than once. I excused myself from my buddy, walked down the bar to where this last girl was sitting and started talking. I first was [private]talking about the marathon again and this girl mentioned that she didn’t even go, she told me the other things she did that day.
The conversation jumps from that to places she’s worked in the past, her love for snowboarding, her origin of a different state. She tells me of her parents, her studies in school. She also tells me what she loves about her studies although her line of work was nothing even closely related. She is getting really excitedly passionate explaining these things, which I find very attractive. I still wasn’t thinking of her as much more than a cool chick to be talking to at the time. As far kino was concerned, the only touching I do is basic offhanded touches that goes easily in any conversation.
We get pretty involved in conversation as I see her getting more interested. She is turning her chair more away from the bar and more towards me and getting excited about the topics she mentioned that I asked her more about as she was elaborating. She was getting excited in her topics and was fun listening to her telling her stories this way. Seeing her interest and energy raising, I point out my friend who diagonally across the bar to point him out to her. I tell her that I think she is wicked cool but I have to get back to my friend (another way to roll out on a high point), we are waiting for another friend before getting a table.
“Oh we should totally trade contact so we can pick this up another time.” I tell her. She agrees and takes out her phone as I was taking out mine. I tell her my information and tell her to call her number through so I have it for later. Then I select her call, select ‘Add to contacts” and hand her my phone telling her to type in the information so I have it saved. She does this and while I am saving it we get into other conversations.
We then talk more about where she was from, what she studied in college and her love for snowboarding and her 3 month trip in the past winter. The conversation was still rolling along nicely so I stayed in it for a few minutes before getting back to my friend. As I start to walk away from her, I turn back and tell her that my friend and I are waiting for another chick friend and then we are getting a table. I tell her as soon as our other friend arrives that she should join us at the table too. She says it sounds good so I tell her I will let her know when I get buzzed for the table.
I go back to my buddy, our other chick friend arrived and I get buzzed for the table. Before sitting down, I go back to HBsnowboard and tell her I just got buzzed for the table. She tells me she is going to the bathroom and will be over after.
So my two friends and I go sit at our new table. We sit and are chatting and laughing along. This new table was on a totally opposite side of the restaurant but a few minutes later I see HBsnowboard coming in the dining room and making her way over. My buddy and chick friend were on the other side of the table so the available seat was on the bench seating next to me where she sat down.
We all ordered and talk and laugh for the next 2 hours or so. We really were just a table of pals chatting it up over dinner, with a new pal involved. Turns out, this girl was not with the other 3 at the bar, she just met them and were insta-friended by them.
All sorts of things come up in our conversation. When I bring up off handed topics of sex, we talk of wacky places to have sex. Then she tells me that she lost her virginity twice. First was with two other girls, then a different time with a guy. We talk of the way Joey Lauren Adams character in ‘Chasing Amy’ explained concepts related to losing virginity and the differences between girl/boy sex and girl/girl sex.
This new girl fit right in with our conversations and everything went along great. I excused myself at one point after dinner to have a smoke and new girl said she was coming with me to smoke as well. While we were outside, I asked her about the hookah bars nearby. Once I learned she liked them, I told her of my hookah at my house.
She told me of her day & of her two roommates. One was a guy and the other was girl who didn’t really like each other. She told me she was a mediator between the two at times. While we were chatting outside, I asked her what she was doing the next day and she told me nothing. I mentioned going back to my place after dinner to smoke hookah and told her she was welcome to come along. She then remembered she was supposed to meet her guy roommate at a nearby bar for a few but said she would skip that since she was having fun with me and could catch up to him later.
We went back inside, had a few more drinks. My buddy had to leave early since he had an NY trip in the following morning so HBsnowboard, my chick friend and myself stayed for another round chatting and laughing. We all paid the bill, I hugged my chick friend goodbye and HBsnowboard and her exchanged “nice meeting you”s with each other.
I first was ready to shoot back to my place with HBsnowboard to smoke some hookah when she tells me that she now has to go to the nearby bar to check on her guy roommate and touch base with him…this was the same one she decided to skip meeting with earlier when it came up. She tells me this and I say nothing, I just look at her. She then then tells me I can come too if I want.
“Alright, why not. That’s a fun bar, I’ll hang for a little bit.”
Sure I could have let her go or said bye or even tried to give her address or directions to my house but I know from prior experience what happens. Her attraction drops, the rapport is temporarily forgotten and a girl will get wrapped up in a new activity. She will be wrapped in the moments and not make it to after plans. I was having fun & came along to the nearby bar she was meeting her roommate at.
HBsnowboard and I go inside. I go up to the bar ahead of her and order a diet coke. She comes up behind me and orders her drink. We chat some more for a while till she sees her guy roommate across the bar and waves to him. A minute or two later, she tells me she is going over to say hi to him. On her second step away, she tells me I should come too. I tell her ok and let her walk over there by herself. I finish my coke and watch TV for a few minutes where I was.
I do that for her to have the first few minutes with her roommate to catch up with whatever without me there yet. After a few minutes, I wander over to them, sit in the stool on the other side of her and then get introduced. I had some small talk with roommate and let them chat about whatever they were chatting about. When it died down a bit, I pick up conversation with HBsnowboard from topics we talked about earlier in the night. Once she was done with her drink, she indicated she wanted to leave the bar so we said bye to her roommate and went to the bustop to go to my place. I stilll haven’t kissed her at all.
Once we got there, I showed her different things around my place. We talked of where some of the decorating ideas came from and talked about different framed pieces on the walls. At one point while talking about a wall of framed photos, she points to a single one with a sexual theme and says to me: “I like that one”
Hearing her say this, I am watching her face as she does. When she finishes speaking I pull her close and start kissing her for first time, full make out. With many girls I kiss them the first time when we’re already back to my place. Before that it was nothing but offhanded touches in convo and hints dropped by me to them. Enough sexual tension can be built with conversation alone that timing gets to be crucial here. We made out for a few minutes in this hallway. I stopped this after a few and kept talking about the art on the walls and directed her to come with me to see another piece. This piece was in my bedroom. We talked about it for a minute then I pulled her to me again and started kissing her.
With two steps away, I moved us over and fell with her on my bed to keep making out. This went on for about 10 minutes. I was rubbing the sides of her body and rubbing the skin of her back and stomach under her shirt. Once I reached around to unhook her bra, she stopped me, sat up and told me that we just met.
I playfully pushed her back and said “I know it, cut it out.” in a playful smirk. I then stood up, took her hand and said “Come with me.” As I took her back in the living room, I put some music on. I asked if she wanted a glass of water and got her and myself one. We talked for a while and listened to music. She edged her seat on the couch to be tiny bit closer to me so I put my arm around her and started making out again. We made out for a while, and I stopped it to change the radio. I just went easily back into a completely unrelated topic every so often. Then I would bring it back to escalating again.
At one point she half jokingly told me she thought I was a gentleman, that she didn’t expect all this. I told her I never claimed to be gentle with a smirk on my face. I then told her I was attracted to her and asked her: “What’s wrong with that?” She shyly told me nothing. I told her that I didn’t think so either.
A little later I told her I wanted to give each other backrubs. I unfolded the futon and told her I wanted the backrub first. She told me she didn’t think she could do it well and I told her I was open to see what she could do.
I took off my shirt, lied down and she straddled me sitting on my ass. After a few minutes, I told her she wasn’t that good (jokingly but not joking at the same time). I then told her to get off of me so she could lie down and I show her how a backrub is supposed to feel.
She does that, and I start to rub the back of her shirt. After a minute, I tell her to take off the shirt and she does that. As soon as the shirt is off I unhook her bra. Then I rub her back for a while before moving to her sides and teasing the sides of her boobs. I also lean in really close to her, pausing rubbing her back to breath in around her neck and smell her hair so she can feel the air rushing as I can inhale her scents.
She is wearing nylons under her skirt. I go to pull her skirt down and she asks me “What are you doing?”
Rather than explain the obvious, I just tell her. “Take this off” as I press the waist of her skirt to show her what I mean. She does that. Previously doing things like that, I thought I had to continue the thread of giving a harmless backrub. Now understanding how girls think in a moment-to-moment basis, I know once she has gon along with having the skirt off, she is in a new moment with a new objective. Once she has it off, I turn her over to her back and we continue making out of a while. I am in no rush. I enjoy making out with her and I have learned that sometimes the longer amount of time between steps faces less resistance… while sometimes trying to get too many steps in succession increases the likelihood of resistance. This lets me get her really hot with lots of slow sensual touches…I enjoy this. A few more minutes go by & I then feel her hands fiddling with my belt buckle. I show her how it works and then take it off myself.
After 10 minutes or more, I go to pull her nylons down. As I just start to put my fingers under the waist band.[/private] She feels this and takes the nylons and her panties off herself
Being strong in your masculinity reduces any neediness. Needy people suffer from habits of seeking validation from others. Two things must be done to end this habit. The first is to [private]focus your mind on appreciation – stop dwelling on all the stuff you want, and learn to appreciate areas that already satisfy…[private] you. Practice this every day. I recommend you do this during a daily routine like teeth brushing. Go through all the things that are going well and take moments to really feel the gratitude for each one.
Secondly, focus on appreciation when you socialize. Look actively for positive qualities in others, and let them know you noticed. I removed compliments from my vocabulary and just went on to notice what I like about people. They appreciate it more, it is much easier (just noticing) and it is always taken as honest, not contrived.
Also look for positive things about surroundings or situation and talk warmly about them, share them with who you are with. This discussion brings you both to the same page and you can enjoy together.
Also talk about good experiences you have had lately, emphasizing how good it made you feel. Discipline yourself to steer all conversations down this path. In no time, this will transform you from a needy guy, to the type of guy everyone loves to hang with. [/private]
[private]Being strong in your masculinity reduces any needyness. Needy people suffer from habits of seeking validation from others. Two things must be done to end this habit. The first is to focus your mind on appreciation – stop dwelling on all the stuff you want, and learn to appreciate areas that already satisfy you. Practice this every day. I recommend you do this during a daily routine like teeth brushing. Go through all the things that are going well and take moments to really feel the gratitude for each one.
Secondly, focus on appreciation when you socialize. Look actively for positive qualities in others, and let them know you noticed. I removed compliments from my vocabulary and just went on to notice what I like about people. They appreciate it more, it is much easier (just noticing) and it is always taken as honest, not contrived.
Also look for positive things about surroundings or situation and talk warmly about them, share them with who you are with. This discussion brings you both to the same page and you can enjoy together.
Also talk about good experiences you have had lately, emphasizing how good it made you feel. Discipline yourself to steer all conversations down this path. In no time, this will transform you from a needy guy, to the type of guy everyone loves to hang with.[/private]
If you are trying to fit into the norm in every area of your life, think about this: ‘average guy’ means just like all the rest. What is special about you that would cause her to choose you over any of the other millions of guys on this planet?
A woman’s attraction instincts would be invoked by [private]things such as humor, confidence, attitude way more then anything like looks or money. Of course those things would get a woman’s attention as a guy first walks in the room, once the conversation is started those factors seem to melt away.
Not only do you want to live an “above average” lifestyle, if you are approaching a new woman, being categorized as “average” in the first 90 seconds will shut off any available attraction triggers in her mind. The challenge has ended before it even has started.
When I see or hear of a guy seeing the woman he has interest in and then asking “do you have a boyfriend?” Or something very weak sounding such as: “can I take you out sometime?”… These type of things are indicating that a man has interest in the girl weigh more than well last if he gets to know her and she’s not that cool. She knows this. So many guys approach with these type of questions, that alone will write him off.
Listen, you want to find a girl that not only can catch your attention but can also hold it, right? Yes you should be open to meeting new people, meeting new women to see what they’re like unless not jump steps just yet. Start slow, even slower than that. Make your small moves to learn about the woman and see if she has interesting character to her.
“Beauty without character is like a masterpiece painted on a napkin.”
Then once the initial contact is made in a girl and a guy start to get to know each other, I have seen guys doing things such as buying her gifts, taking her to expensive restaurants and/or doing favors for her to earn her approval. A woman’s gonna find this very unattractive. These type of steps come from a man feels his inner character in real cell is unattractive and may be hiding is I’ll tear your motives are wanting to sleep with her.
Yes, sure, yes please go ahead and do those things once you have gotten to know a girl and she seems really special to you. You have gotten to know her enough to know that those type of rewards as mentioned above have been earned in time with her is rewarding enough to you to give her those things.
At the very beginning and meeting a woman not only do you want to know those things (how cool she is) she also wants to know those about you. Remember that. If she has caught your attention, you can easily bring her and you bolt to be feeling that excitement, tension, and attraction at the very beginning of your meet up. You never have to wonder where you stand with her, you are very sociable a and if anything, she should be curious to know where she stands with you. She should be carriers to know and to earn your time taking her along your adventures. Once you have learned enough about her, of course then you decide it is like to spend more time with her and maybe go through some of the dating rituals (if that is what you choose).
Think of it this way: one relationship is based and built upon two people that enjoy each other’s company very much and they enjoy each other’s personality. Compare that to another relationship whereas a girl decides to hang out with a guy because he buys her gifts, takes her on expensive dates, and does outlandish favors for her. (By the way as a relationship grows favors become a two-way street).
If you are in club with a buttoned shirt & one sleeve unbuttoned, you can ask a nearby girl:
“Hey, I’m meeting a friend in a second and I couldn’t get this button (Point to unbuttoned sleeve), do you think you could … ?”
Then I say: “Thanks, you’re really friendly. Who are you here with tonight?”[/private]
Being very comfortable talking about the subject with all it’s details in a casual way takes the awkwardness out of the dynamic. You can stay aloof and detached from anyone else’s awkwardness about sex since it is a beneficial part of life and really, it is no big deal. That is what media censorship has done to it, not you.
[private][private]Uoffhanded affection can come from picking the lint from her clothes, taking the eyelash from her cheek, taking the lint from her chin.
Make no big deal out of this, get it done & keep moving along, keep talking like it’s nothing.[/private]
it is good to show you have an easy going attitude about sex, even sexual topics. It is good to relate this early in an interaction with a new girl. This takes and pressure off of her to be a ‘good girl’ around you.
I find an easy way to work sexual [private]topics into regular conversation is to ask “What is the craziest place that you have ever had sex?” This will partly give the girl the freedom to be discussing sexual topics with you. It is best for you to have a story to tell her back or if she is a little shy at first you can follow the question with a partial story.
“Where is the craziest place you ever had sex? I had one girlfriend who wanted to do it on an airplane bathroom. The setup of the plane was weird so she put a blanket on her lap as I fingered her to the magical ‘O’ while we were flying.” or something like that. The sooner you get to topics like this it will show you are a sexual guy and have her considering you as a possibility to be more than a nice guy to talk to for a while.
You can even segue from sexual topics with “While you (women) can have nine kinds of different orgasms, Us guys are stuck with only 2 different kinds. I don’t think the orgasm distribution was as fair as it should have been.
This will show her you are pretty sexually intelligent and indicates that she would have a variety of adventurous sexual experience with you if she plays her cards right.
Those are good points but the key is to show that discussing sexual topics is just like talking about the weather. When you show your sexual comfort, she will allow herself to be more sexually confident around you.
(Another nice subtly sexual affection you can do on a date, is to take her hand so her arm is across the table or something. Then while you are still talking you can lightly brush your fingertips, with the pressure of a feather, across her inner arm an wrist. A woman’s wrist is so saturated with nerve endings, she will feel sensations down to her toes. This will also show a teasing, sensual touch that you have that she can imagine more of in the bedroom.)[/private]
…. that they just met, the woman isn’t really sure or clear that he is interested in her directly. One way to playfully indicate this is to talk about it as future plans. “Oh my God, I am so totally going to start hitting on you in the future because…”
By doing this there is nothing to object to or to reject right now. It is a playful statement you made almost indicating that if she plays her cards right you will get hit on by you. This leaves the potential open without being too direct.
By using this future perspective you can lay [private] a lot of things out just as ‘potential’. “That is so cool! You love food and I love food”. “I love going to all these different new cultural and hole in the wall restaurants around town, we can be food buddies and check these places inside out.” This is no need for any specific logistical details, this is just indicating that if she does play her cards right there is another fun activity the two of you can do together.[/private]
Then closing ratio skyrockets when you get their [private] eyes locked on you before you even approach in the first place.
Girls are attracted and drawn to the alpha look with strong body language.
They can see high self confidence, high self esteem and social status.
They can easily see the leader of a group who is a challenge. This challenge creates intrigue. Be an experienced playa, intelligent and passionate with a lack of insecurity.
You can go through all of your ways, never seeking approval. That can be detected when you have high standards and credibility. [/private]
[private]When she is talking about things she is passionate about.
I’ll say it again:
Show genuine excitement and fascination
about the things she talks about.
Some guys ask me & think if they should be acting this. No. There is no need. I see most guys holding in their excitement because they want to look cool and dismissive. That is really not attractive to woman.
Let yourself show the excitement. I can even get truly excited listening to a girl talk about a subject that I have no interest, no knowledge of, just seeing her passion come through.
I see other guys showing little fascination in new topic they really are curoius about. It is like they want to appear like they know it all. That’s not cool either. Let yourself have ther humility of a kid, when it comes to new topics. You will see the most confident men, the are confident enough to show their lack of knowledge in subjects the really don’t know about.
A very intelligent man once captured the idea: “From everything I have learned, the biggest thing it has taught me is that in comparison to what their is out there, how little I really know.”[/private]
Letter from student after discussion of girls in his life. I asked him to re-write the ideas we discussed so he will have his imagination working to structure the ideas to his own life and I can see how well he understands what we talked about.
“I haven’t defined my relationship with Anna,[private] so that’s good. When other girls (Jenny, Amy) see Anna with me or admiring me, they will see me as a high value commodity. They will have the need to not screw things up with me.
You can off-handedly admit you’re dating girls, but don’t mention other girls’ names. It’s possible to have an open relationship with one “main.” Also you can just have several that you see regularly.
After my band plays, I’ll tell all of them that I will give them a call when I’m done packing up. I will give whoever I want to hang with a call and let them know what bar/party I’m going to.
What do I need to do/say to a girl to have an open relationship? Should I wait till she gives me the “talk?”"”
**************************
How I replied:
> I haven’t defined my relationship with Anna, so that’s good.
Well, you have & that’s good. You introduced her as your friend. Girls hear that stuff and note that in their head. I have many time introduced girls that I hook up with as my friend. That keeps them understanding that .there are no guarantees with you and they were lucky to have the intimate time with you and maybe if they continue to be a beneficial part to your life, they may get more.
Sometimes when girls do want more they will drift but as long as they have certain bases covered in their mind (spending enough time, how time spent, etc) covers what they want for themselves, then that is ok too.
If you have already introduced her as your friend, you probably wont have to cover that again. Most girls will take the label they heard and leave it there.
When other
> girls (Jenny, Amy) see Anna with me or admiring me, they will see me as a
> high value commodity.
Yes, a guy who is wanted by other girls is instantly a guy they want more than your average guy. It shows he is a guy valued by other women, that other women want to spend time with him and the reasons the other women made this decision must be a good one if they already made it.
They will have the need to not screw things up with
> me.
They see that if they do, you have your choice of women to pick from so they will be working to be the best choice you have to choose from.
>
> You can off-handedly admit you’re dating girls, but don’t mention other
> girls’ names.
Yes girls don’t mind when guys are dating other girls, as long as they feel like star of the show when she and guy are together. It is fine to offhandedly refer to this fact sparingly. They will hear it and make a note in their head. ..yet I recommend there is never a reason to mention any other girls specifically when with a one girl.
It’s possible to have an open relationship with one “main.”
It is possible that way and it is also possible to have several regulars to your life, although it can get complicated managing time and not mixing up details about each. There are also ways to avoid doing that though.
> Also you can just have several that you see regularly.
> After my band plays, I’ll tell all of them that I will give them a call when
> I’m done packing up. I will give whoever I want to hang with a call and let
> them know what bar/party I’m going to.
> What do I need to do/say to a girl to have an open relationship?
Should I
> wait till she gives me the “talk?”
No, it is easier to have subtle but honest iindications prior to the talk. This way a new girl is accomidating to your needs and wants as the time you guys know each other goes on. Then it isn’t a “”I want this X or I want somebody who can give me this X in a relationship.”"
you can be saying “I am confident, I am in control and I am the selector.”
You can just be the one to[private] turn away first, walk away to give her some space and let what she has received as your vibe to sink in.
Squint a little bit.
If you see her pull back, you can pull back further. If you see any of her body language indicating that she is ready to walk away, pivot your body and point one of your feet away as if you are about to walk away. Many times, you will see this draw her in closer to keep you around. The subtle signals that come through body language are huge signals that reveal a strong inner belief and strong self confidence.
You can indicate subtle gestures that express power and dominance. You can offhandedly touch the small of her back and this makes her feel protected by you in a subtle way. Cupping her face does this and stroking her hair and head will do the same. [/private]
I turn to her and ask: “Do you know if they sell Playboy here? I only read it for the excellent journalism.” I tell her with my playful smirk.
she can tell I am less than half serious, but not afraid to ask this hott girl a question like that. She started laughing and telling me she was not an avid reader of such publications.
Of course I went on to jokingly describe the wonderful content-rich articles inside, in such an over-exaggerated way. The conversation went off…
…so a woman can feel safe so that she can submit to him and mate with him.
A tribal leader conveys his leadership abilities by bonding[private] with the men in the tribe and using that bond to draw out the value that they can contribute.
It is a natural genetic selection process for woman of all species to seek the dominant men who are prepared to be leaders of the pack.
That man is strong, stable and competitive. [/private]
…to be disqualifying yourself from being a possible suitor of hers.
You can use all sorts of ways to indicate this. One very explicit way I may say[private] after she does something I can tease her about.
I will look off to the side as if I am talking to an imaginary person and say loud enough so she hears it: “Ok C.J., note to self: don’t date this girl, she is….”[/private]
So she has heard my mocking reasons to be wary of her.
[private]It is quite easy to mix in a lot of teasing into the first few minutes of a conversation with a new girl. You can make it very clear that you do not put a mark on any kind of pedestal. As she is telling you different points you can easily say “Oh reeeeallly?” or “Uh-huh” as you would if your little sister was telling you her newest fabrication of fiction.
This is another great way to clearly indicate her that her beauty has no intimidating power over you whatsoever. Obviously she’s going to wonder what makes you so confident, especially since every other guy seems to supplicate her every beck and call.[/private]
Yes, although I fully believe that women should vote, have equal opportunities in work etc, and make the same money for the same work (which they still do not) I think that non-specific feminism and PC left a lot of people unsure about the best ways to express their gender ID properly.
When a girl is with a guy who is expressing his masculinity best, strong but safe, she feels safer expressing her feminine submissiveness more completely. She feels like she can put down the facade that the rest of the world has convinced her she needs to keep up.
When we are hanging out, I want her to feel like her true relaxed self will be treated tenderly to allow her true self to come out fully.
Examples:
Siege Wrote:
The car door one is such an uncommon, yet only slight extra step, this in itself stands out enough in her mind to let her true feminine self out even more. Sure some girls fail to reach over to unlock the guys door, but I think that is because they really don’t expect it and don’t know what to do.
Siege Wrote:
Regular doors have variables for me too:
When it comes to opening doors, I don’t usually do this with a new venue or unknown new place. Maybe it is my biological protection instinct kicking in, but I be the one first in to an unknown place, checking out the vibe and leading us in. I take each situation with a fresh eye to gauge it, but girls don’t call me un-gentlemanly about this.
(If she did, with a mischievous grin, I might playfully say something like: “What you’ve got here is definitely a man, if you’re looking for something more gentle than that…you’re looking in the wrong place.” like I am teasing/laughing at her for not seeing the obvious difference. )
This does drastically differ when we are going to a more formal event, one she has dressed up nice and prettied herself up more for. In those cases, I am opening the door for her so the room at the event (people turn their head when new people enter a place) has a first look at her before me. It feels like I am showing off her beauty,presenting her to the room. I like it & so does she.
Siege Wrote:
True gender ID and reciprocation of this slipped so far through the cracks in the last 20 years (looking at history), I won’t make a big serious deal of her not really knowing what to do or how to respond. Most girls enjoy the natural feel of it all and are eager to learn things to please a man they are with that they like.
Siege Wrote about ordering for a woman at at restaurant:
Totally. This is why I am having a little conversation before we order. I find out what she is having…not ordering what I think she will be eating. Even something that small (such as ordering for her) increases early feelings of couple-hood before we are a couple in the true respect. A little conversation puts us on the same page, then my ordering has her feeling cared for.
Liking her to have that feeling since I do care for the people that come into my world. I think of them in the highest respect unless (or until) they say/do things that teach me they do not have this place in my life.
Once I know what she wants, when the waitress comes over I will tell of what I will be having and then say: “…and she would like to have….” Or even: “..and the lady would like to have…” adding a little more finesse to it. Sometimes I even say it in a smirking way, depending on the girl and the situation. Girls love being called a lady and this reinforces another positive aspect of the whole thing. She gets a quick shot of ‘feel good’ just hearing that said… in addition to feeling cared for and protected in a subtle way.
Post: #20
Gentleman
Yes, although I fully believe that women should vote, have equal opportunities in work etc, and make the same money for the same work (which they still do not) I think that non-specific feminism and PC left a lot of people unsure about the best ways to express their gender ID properly.
When a girl is with a guy who is expressing his masculinity best, strong but safe, she feels safer expressing her feminine submissiveness more completely. She feels like she can put down the facade that the rest of the world has convinced her she needs to keep up.
When we are hanging out, I want her to feel like her true relaxed self will be treated tenderly to allow her true self to come out fully.
Like in these:
Dangles Wrote:
Every girl I’ve ever loved has had the privilege of having her doors opened for her whenever I had the chance. This isn’t just my actual lovers, but the girls I love ( I use the term love very loosely) in my life also. I’ll open their car door if it isn’t too inconvenient for me, that is one example. You don’t trip over yourself to get to the door for them, but I think it is a very nice thing to do when you can.
Siege Wrote:
The car door one is such an uncommon, yet only slight extra step, this in itself stands out enough in her mind to let her true feminine self out even more. Sure some girls fail to reach over to unlock the guys door, but I think that is because they really don’t expect it and don’t know what to do.
If she didn’t reach over that first time, I may just say “It is nice when you reach over to unlock my door when you get in…” or something along that message. I look at her when I say it and I don’t even wait for her reply much. She may or may not have something to say but I know she hears the message when we are eye to eye.
Or maybe before that, I make a knock on the window and stand there pointing to the the lock with a look like she should have known better. “What are ya, born in a barn, kid?” serious enough but joking like I know she knows better, just forgot.
Siege Wrote:
Regular doors have variables for me too:
When it comes to opening doors, I don’t usually do this with a new venue or unknown new place. Maybe it is my biological protection instinct kicking in, but I be the one first in to an unknown place, checking out the vibe and leading us in. I take each situation with a fresh eye to gauge it, but girls don’t call me un-gentlemanly about this.
(If she did, with a mischievous grin, I might playfully say something like: “What you’ve got here is definitely a man, if you’re looking for something more gentle than that…you’re looking in the wrong place.” like I am teasing/laughing at her for not seeing the obvious difference. )
This does drastically differ when we are going to a more formal event, one she has dressed up nice and prettied herself up more for. In those cases, I am opening the door for her so the room at the event (people turn their head when new people enter a place) has a first look at her before me. It feels like I am showing off her beauty,presenting her to the room. I like it & so does she.
Siege Wrote:
True gender ID and reciprocation of this slipped so far through the cracks in the last 20 years (looking at history), I won’t make a big serious deal of her not really knowing what to do or how to respond. Most girls enjoy the natural feel of it all and are eager to learn things to please a man they are with that they like.
It isn’t till the next time she forgets to reach over I might take as an indication of forgetfulness that loses her the privilege of having her door opened by me.
Dangles Wrote:
Another thing I used to do was order for my girlfriend when possible. I do it for my sister too when I can. That is obviously an alpha thing to do so I’m not questioning it, I’m just citing another example of something I think makes a gentleman (if the girl is OK with you doing it, you are just an asshole if you do it for a power trip)
Siege Wrote:
Totally. This is why I am having a little conversation before we order. I find out what she is having…not ordering what I think she will be eating. Even something that small (such as ordering for her) increases early feelings of couple-hood before we are a couple in the true respect. A little conversation puts us on the same page, then my ordering has her feeling cared for.
Liking her to have that feeling since I do care for the people that come into my world. I think of them in the highest respect unless (or until) they say/do things that teach me they do not have this place in my life.
Once I know what she wants, when the waitress comes over I will tell of what I will be having and then say: “…and she would like to have….” Or even: “..and the lady would like to have…” adding a little more finesse to it. Sometimes I even say it in a smirking way, depending on the girl and the situation. Girls love being called a lady and this reinforces another positive aspect of the whole thing. She gets a quick shot of ‘feel good’ just hearing that said… in addition to feeling cared for and protected in a subtle way.
Siege Wrote:
Not only is this masculine, this also makes her feel protected:
Dangles Wrote:
Another example of something I think makes a gentleman is when I take a girl on a hike, through an icy area , or any bad terrain in life really I try and hold her hand and make sure she doesn’t fall. I’m sure on my feet and I want to keep her safe.
Siege Wrote:
…whether it is on a hike, icy area or missing puddles. I usually offer her the hand in these situations. Most often they take it and like it but if they think they are fine with managing the terrain for now, no problem. I did my part for the moment, maybe I’ll just offer at the next one so she knows the hand is there for her.
Thinking about unspoken thank-you’s, if she has driven an hour to come eat dinner with me, I might make a point to pull out her chair. I always put in a little extra to show my thanks for the extra she has done and we’re both happier about it.
She gets a tiny reward & feelings of being appreciated for taking those extra steps & is more likely to take them again and take more extra steps in the future.
Not in a club. This will have her visually scanning the room over your shoulder. Do not lose eye contact. Keep the eye contact. You can be having a good conversation at a kissing [private] distance. At a kissing distance. Very close it can keep the uninterrupted eye contact. You can triangulate your gaze on her while she is talking. While you are talking, keep increasing the length & frequency of your pauses. Look at her lips in the pauses shows her lips are distracting you a bit. This will significantly raise the sexual tension.[/private]
When you first approach a woman to open her and say hello or something, I usually start off with my body positioned in a very non-threatening way. I heard somebody explaining a technique when women were walking, to walk a bit ahead of them and turn back to start the conversation.
Instead of this, when I see a girl at the same bus stop I am or [private] in the train station, everybody is facing the same way. She may have caught my eye, but I haven’t revealed this to her yet. Maybe I just casually, nonchalantly walk near where she is, positioning myself just a few feet in front of her.
Then is is very inconsequential to gaze around the area. When my eyes land on her, in that moment I begin the conversation. Once she is participation I will slowly turn my body more towards her. This subtly indicates the reward she gets form active participation, my turning around to give her more complete attention.
I have found it very funny to see, that when I delay turning around towards her, girls have make a few extra steps to then be standing in front of me which is nice to see.
In most other types of venues, I will position my body to be next to hers, but pointed a little away from her direction. I can easily turn my head towards her to start talking. As the conversation ensues, I only have to turn my body slightly and it still stays very non-pressure, easy going. If you notice, guys usually sit across the table from people they are close too, while girls like to sit next to people they are close to.
Being next to someone you are speaking with is very easy to turn more to them, tough them at random places through the conversation, and still has an underlying theme of teamwork since you both are viewing the world in front of you from the same perspective.[/private]
When she asks me for some random supplication, asks me to do something for her,[private] I tell her in an over-exagerrated way: “I can’t do THAT!” to make it seem huger than it is, totally joking.
After conversation is running along & I see her attraction is raised enough to start investing more into the conversation, she tilts the topic to be rambling on about trivial complaints she has.
“Why don’t you keep your mouth shut?” I ask her with a[private] playful smirk. She looks at me with disbelief that I just said that.
“What?” She asks, I guess to see if I will say it again. I said it, she heard it, time to move on.
Instead I just start rambling about a silly topic:
“I heard they’re gonna open a strip mall at Chili’s. Two-for-one appetizers. I’m going to get pizza pockets. And you get the spinach artichoke dip.”
I play mock her voice: “I’m going to get chicken fingers.’’
“ But you’re already getting a chicken Caesar salad.” I tell her in my own voice.
“Ya, but, they’re two different kinds of chicken.” I mock her voice again. She is laughing. I just wanted to change the subject so I ask her: “Have you tried the Ethiopian food in Central Square?”
When she tells me she hasn’t I go into describing how fun it is then I tell her. “I haven’t been there in a while. I’ll go with you, maybe next week & I can teach you what I know so far.”
I will at some point, this minute may or may not be it, go on some sort of rambling tangent tirade about what I have agreed/disagreed with on the feminism movement. Right now I’m going to go ahead and touch on a few points on where I stand at this point about holding doors.
Men should open doors
I have two sides to this one[private]. Sometimes it is just enough to hold the door open behind you. Other times, I do agree that the system of holding the door open and stepping aside so the woman can enter it is applicable to the situation.
If a woman friend of mine and I are going to a place that we have not been before, be it restaurant, dance club, museum, bank… or random public places, I generally enter the place first. Then I will hold the door open behind me for my female friend.
The reason I’m guessing is this: Maybe it’s part of my male biological encoding or something hardwired in my subconscious circuitry. We men have been metaphorically beaten down in many ways by feminism and appeal to gentlemanly behaviors, two concepts that often contradict each other.
I am the one who can enter new territory to make sure it is safe, safe enough for my female friend. We as guys are the more protective of the two genders. This is the responsibility of having some of our characteristics to be stronger. The least I can do is make sure a new area is safe, safe enough for my female friend before she enters the new territory.
No I don’t really worry too much about safety of public places, but this is the best way I can explain why it is my habit now. On the other hand, however, take a wedding reception or a dance ball or a political fund-raising function, things change. In these cases we both have put on some really nice clothes but the girl has taken a lot of effort choosing a very special dress, doing her hair in its best looking ways, doing her makeup in a demurely yet classy way.
Yes, in these situations I am more than happy to open the door for my female friend to have her enter first. I’d like to present her to the room we are coming in. When new people enter a room, many people already in there all turn their head to see who is coming in. Me? I just threw together a two bit tux and made sure that there are no boogers in my eye. I love it when girls get all fancy dressed up and when we are out at an occasion such as these, I want to show her off. She is much pleasing to all the heads turned, seeing us come in. Also, girls like to have these pleasing gazes on them while we pretty much don’t care. Think about it.
The next one I think of is again more related to higher class ‘shi-shi’ functions. That is: pulling out a chair at the dinner table. Generally I am doing this to make sure the chairs aren’t broken or covered in hot sauce that she might get on her clothes. (Do you see?) See how the level of event does have a factor in some of my behavior? See I am much less likely to do this at a neighborhood burger joint or something like that. True, usually those places have fixed seating whether it be booths or whatever, that is where I’m coming from.[/private]
I say: “Hey! Look at you! That tells me a lot about you.”
“That tells me you’re one of those [private] little spoiled rich girls.” I continue. “I think you’re a daddy’s-girl. You’re a daddy’s girl, aren’t you?”
“Slow down, what’s coming from this?…Oh ya poor little baby. You know what I like to do to poor little babies like you? Go down the street and get seven Mexicans. They can all bang you and satisfy your curiosity.” [/private]
get in a conversation right away with the first people you see. Having such an immediacy to be talking, it looks as if friends were expecting you. [private]Stay in conversation with somebody the whole night. Staff, patrons and plow on to keep conversations going. Bounce from group to group then you can start introducing people you met that night to each other. You have become the most sociable guy in the club.
“I don’t like it when girls [private]drink so I’d rather you didn’t. I’m starting to think you are cool & don’t really want to see you sloppy.”
This indicates a fatherly/protective nature and also shows that you are not looking to have her judgment hindered…since you know you are a catch.
Then I tell her “If you really want a drink, why don’t you go tool some other guy, then you can come back and you can have some more conversation with the most interesting guy in this place.” [/private]
…that she is interested and then it is time to start qualifying her.
By her asking you qualifying questions, this is a subtle signal of [private]interest in itself.
To answer her questions through jokes and sarcasm will keep you an uncovered mystery she wants to know more about, but she will still answer the same questions she has just asked you. [/private]
[private]I’ll escalate. I may slap her on the ass and tell her to get away if she’s being bratty (of course, with a big smile on my face and NOT emotionally reactive.)[/private]
…I can just offer her my arm, and say: “Hey lets go see what adventure is in THAT room.” [private]
Even if she is with her friends I may say, “Hey I’m gonna borrow your friend for a minute.”
Look around the room/venue you are in. Find something cool tho check out. “OMG, look at that over there, let’s go check it out.” and take her hand & start walking. Here you are starting to do things a couple for the moments and can start exploring the nearby world around you as a couple, a team perspective.
Rather than the pressure of getting to know each other better, you can remove any pressure from her & she will learn about you and you about her along the way in more of an offhanded way. It’s a lot more fun & leads to a better rapport, making team memories in the process.
[private]When I see a group of people I am interested in, I will start by raising my glass and giving a “cheers” to everyone looking my way. I usually walk around a venue like I own it, because in my world, I do own it. Not so much the club, but the atmosphere is mine to be in the moment, I am in them. I’ll ask people if they’re having a good time and making sure everyone is having fun. They may assume I am the club owner, but I really am just interested that they are having a good time and if there is anything I can do to improve the time they are having.[/private]
The reason I hardly use anything of a direct compliment of beauty is because of the truth of the matter. It takes way more than beauty for me to want a girl more than one night. That’s just me personally.
Sure a woman’s good looks can [private]catch my attention, but it takes much more than that for her to be able to hold it. I have dated plenty of models, strippers and perfect 10s but if she is boring, psycho or another version of the crazy cat lady, I have better ways to spend my time.
I always want to see what she is like first. I may subtly indicate something about her has caught my attention, but clearly letting her know I want to know much more before my final decisions are made..
Not only does this qualify the type of high quality woman I want in my life, a woman values what she has caught with the essence of her personality much more than what her good looks (thank her parents) will get her. “Hey, you seemed to have a good energy about ya, I wanted to say ‘Hi’ to see what you’re like.”
It is another part of generating her to be chasing you from the first moment. A woman isn’t about to chase a guy she thinks she has won over because she had been blessed with some genetic perfection. She is going to work at getting and having the man that her conscious actions and behaviors have earned her. By this, she knows that she can continue her good behavior to keep him around even when she is sick in bed and can’t pretty-up for the day.
That’s just from my experience & preference. Guys get their successes in all sorts of ways…”Hey, with 3.4 billion women on Earth, there is no absolute method, just formulas for best results.”
(Yes, sometimes I do use the “I thought you’re cute & wanted to say hi” but I don’t do more than that since ‘cute’ can relate to more than her looks…and “Beauty without personality is like a masterpiece painted on a napkin” The reason I say ‘thought’ is that it was my first impression and now by talking I am checking if she lives up to my guess, but that’s just me.)[/private]
to show and express his sexuality, his masculinity in its true form.
By building up her excitement and passion with you while keeping your obtained-ability to be slightly out of her reach…for her to not know for sure, this is key. Keeping you slightly out of her reach to fully capture, keeps her attraction switches to be fully on.
[private]
People always want more what they cannot have, but what they want most is what they almost can have, but not quite yet. When it is just barely out of their reach, they see what reward they will get if they work just a little bit harder. While she is thinking she can almost have you, this keeps her in full pursuit.
If you are too easy to get, she is going to lose interest and chase a different prize. If you are too hard to catch, her efforts are going to show her no results so then she would chase somebody who she thinks she can catch.
By keeping her in that ‘almost’ state keeps her chasing and each time you give her a tiny bit more of you, she feels a big reward from that. Like dangling a piece of string for a cat, almost within reach so it plays. Every so often it catches a piece of the string with a claw but it is pulled away so it wants it more, it beefs up its strategy. It keeps playing, it keeps chasing.
[/private]
[private]If you are trying to fit into the norm in every area of your life, think about this: ‘average guy’ means just like all the rest. What is special about you that would cause her to choose you over any of the other millions of guys on this planet?
A woman’s attraction instincts would be raised by things such as humor, confidence, and attitude way more than anything like looks or money. Of course those things would get a woman’s attention as a guy first walks in the room, once the conversation and started those other superficial factors seem to melt away.
Another great part of ‘socializing with the club’ or opening many groups was using the jealousy factor a step further with girls. My buddies used to love when I did this next part because it seemed as if someone was always getting laid the nights I did this.
Back when I lived in a place where it was easier to be bringing a bunch of people back to my place, late at night, and not be bothering any neighbors, this was great. As the night at the club was getting closer to when the club would close. I would ask a group of girls (that I been touching base with all night) what they were doing after the clubs closed. Usually they have no plans except maybe an all-night diner.Read more »
Into the first few minutes of a conversation with a new girl. You can make it very clear that you do not put a mark on any kind of pedestal. As she is telling you different points you can easily say “Oh reeeeallly?” or
“Uh-huh” as you would if your little sister was telling you her newest fabrication of fiction.
This is another great way to clearly indicate her that her beauty has no intimidating power of you whatsoever. Obviously she’s going to wonder what makes you so confident, especially since every other guy seems to supplicate her every beck and call.
After a few minutes went by, and you see she is engaged in talking to you & completely facing you, you can stop bantering and start letting her know who you really are. I see many guys continuing on in the major excitement and attraction type talk well after they have her well interested.
I think most guys do this because the behavior causes girls to show how attractive they are and this can be quite intoxicating to be receiving this kind of attention. The thing is, once you see the interest engaged you definitely need to start building some lasting rapport. Sprinkle in the teasing every so often since it is exciting and tha twill show you are unpredictable.
Start talking about points in your real life, challenges you are really facing, about the embarrassment at your last family function. If you hear her mention parts about her family or growing up, ask for more details of the real stuff. These type of topics lead to real connection that is easy to pick up later.
when interacting with new girls the goal is NOT to avoid potential conflict. It is good to act and indicate you are okay with having some conflict. Sometimes girls use this as one of their chick-tests to see how supplicating you are. She may not even feel strongly about an issue she is pressing, she may just be seeing how committed you are to your own views. If you can be strong against a sleight disagreement in options, how are you going to pioneer the two of you through the world?
When you have a strong identity, a strong sense of self, [private]you don’t worry about what she thinks. A strong man, a leader will freely hear any opposing views to his own views, he is comfortable with this. You have come to your conclusions and values from a very careful cost/reward process in your head. The mood swing of a beautiful woman cannot sway this judgment, she needs to know that. She will respect you more and therefore be more attracted.
Hearing any and all opposing views is very good to this. You can even rephrase what they have said with how they came to their conclusion: “I Hear that you feel X about Y and that is because of A, B, and C.”
Then they hear that you clearly heard them, yet no indication that you would change your perspective without the credible enough information that brought you to your first conclusion.
When a girl tells me these things, she is clear to know that her opinions and thoughts are not my top priority. She has to earn a place in my perspective and still have credible information for me to work with.
I think about what I like and what makes me feel good before worrying about her concerns of this nature. Women are built to be socially accommodating. Helping a man that she like enjoy himself does make her feel very good in itself. When she has proven herself to be up to speed, she will get some of the taking care of come back to her.
I don’t spend every moment to moment in our interactions trying to connect with her. It is okay to disconnect every so often. I am never worried that she might see something in me that might push her away. It is better for her to see such things so there are no surprises later. More than a trivial factor about a man that is a turn off, his confidence with his whole package is more attractive than anything else. Show yourself, warts and all.
[/private]
When she sees that [private] a guy’s life is exciting, she works to feel special to him or that she has earned his attention. Women value what they work for much more than what their looks have made available to them. If she has taken steps to gain her rewards, then she is rewarded for what she does, not her luck in the gene pool.[/private]
“I’ve got the greatest idea, we’re gonna love it.”
And ways to surprise her. Girls love playful surprises.
Girls love fun surprises and they love for guys to have all the details covered without asking them for ideas, then they can come along and just have a good time without her worrying if you’ll like her idea.
Team mentality or couple-hood dates are good. Ones where you are doing things together (not movies, no convo or playful flirting can happen all 2 hours of it.)
“As I mentioned before I have gone out with this girl 4 times now & I do enjoy her company but I’m not really into her physically. She’s just not my type, looks-wise, which is really too bad because she has great qualities. I met her at a meetup speed-dating event. She’s 42.
I worry that I am leading her on by not being upfront with her & I was planning on telling her there’s no spark. After talking with you today I don’t think I will do that.
Why do I think she likes me?
Invites me over to her place, we meet there twice before going out.
She asked about me & my family, very interested
On our third data she said “ok, I have some third date questions, what about your past relationships? you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want” or something like that.
Talks about future
I can tell by the way she looks at me or comments on my looks.
I didn’t sleep with her or anything like that, although I get the feeling she is open to that. In the past two weeks I feel like she has been filling a void in my life, (a relationship void?) I like going to dinner or a movie with her (she is well off financially & pays her way) also she is a psychologist & she is very interesting.
So I am a bit conflicted here. I would like to keep her as a friend & in the past this has not worked out. So I am wondering what you think? Thanks.
Letter #2
SO I just talked to her & we agreed to meet up on Sunday. She is inviting me over to her place for dinner or whatever unless I want to do something else. I do feel a little strange about this whole thing. When I called her tonight she said “I just had a feeling you would call tonight” She jokingly tells me how Brookline is the capital of single woman in their 40′s (maybe she’s not kidding). She definitely is into me & yet I feel only that she is a only friend. So yes, I’m glad I didn’t say anything about there not being a spark & all that. I hope I can go over there Sunday & we both just have a good time. I feel like if we have sex then everything changes & it would be that much harder to tell her I only want to be friends. She is an physiologist & when she started asking me about past relationships I kind of opened up a little about past anxiety issues & she is totally cool with that. I know she would make a nice friend so yes, I am a bit conflicted. I hope this doesn’t turn into an awkward situations on Sunday. It’s funny, here I should be excited this woman has invited me over for a nice time, movie, dinner, talking whatever & I feel so conflicted it’s like I’m not even looking forward to it. I would appreciate any thoughts you might have on this. Thanks.
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My Reply:
Ok Hawthorne, I’ll cover these[private] but it helps me understand what you are understanding when you explain back to me things I explain to you. That way I know better if I was clear and spoke of all the thoughts in my head about a topic (people frequently do not say everything in their thoughts about a topic. It is common to assume people know the thoughts we are having when talking).
I do not expect you to do exactly anything I tell you of, they are just suggestions of what I think of when I hear of your situations. No matter what you decide to do in any situation, I know how well I expressed my thoughts to you and how well you understand them. This helps for better teaching which leads to better learning.
In addition to that, in case you do decide to use ideas I tell you of, rewriting them in your own words solidifies the ideas in your mind to have them readily available in any situation that comes up similar that you chose to utilize them. (‘Own words’ engages the imagination)
Yes her comments do subtly indicate what you told me that you suspect of how she feels about you. Remember, the only parts you are responsible to show that you know are the facts laid on the table, not any possible interpretation of what can be read between the lines.
By the things she expresses being subtle, you can express things subtly too and no-one has to feel awkward, and this will also increase the likelihood that she will want to continue friendship with you since no embarrassment happens as if she said “Let’s be bf/gf” and you said “I’m not attracted to you in that way.”
As I explained on the phone You can mention early that you do love hanging out with her & why. At a separate time (before or after or even same time…whatever feels right), you can also offhandedly say you are casually dating girls (no need to be specific). At other times in the convo, you can even reiterate other reasons she is great to hang out with and mention fun things in the future you can be doing together (first free Friday MFA for example or whatever).
Mention those things in the future will subtly reenforce that you are serious about enjoying hanging out with her (now & in future) and not just saying so to be nice. This is great because although she heard what you say about casually dating or other women in your life, she can focus on enjoying the thoughts and plans of fun things in the future.
Even after you touch upon those topics, (you explain the value you have in her as a friend) don’t think sex is out of the question. Once you have placed all of your cards on the table, you were completely honest, if you do have sex, you were clear about what you want from the relationship. She knows that and is free to have sex too if that is what you both want in the moment.
Many girls like to have ‘friends with benefits’ and people like that in their life too. Especially if she isn’t in another relationship and knows where you stand, she can be clear about what is going on and make her choices knowing everything there is to know.
There is no ‘telling her one thing, so you can have sex’ as many guys may do. It can be surprising how often just the truth clears things up with no ‘smoke & mirrors. Not all girls have to have a committed monogamous partner in their life. If they really like the guy, as it seems she does like you, girls make compromises to have him at the level he likes. Personally, I have found girls at that age to be more likely to be OK with that, since they are (maybe) as not under the feeling they have to get married and have kids since their life has taken a direction without those up to this point. They seem to not need status-quo as much, but still enjoy good company in their life.
Every girl is different about this but I have found from previously dating girls her age, that some of them are perfectly fine even with an open relationship. The last girl of that age might have detected that is what I usually want from previous offhanded & subtle indications from conversations we had…but she was the one to bring it up first as a possible label to our relationship.
Regarding your closing thoughts, I see you have a lot to look forward to. Those types of relationships can be fulfilling on many levels for both involved. It seems the only thing you would have to feel conflicted about,…you have easy things to say to her to eliminate any negative feelings.
You are being true to yourself, and true to her. No matter what she wants before knowing what you want, she will respect you all the more for being honest about where you are, what you want too.
…and this doesn’t require any reading between her lines to have to give her an explicit denial, you can use what you have detected with your intuition and casually explain to her where things are at, pretty much in the same way but clearer.
Just being able to read through those things and send non-awkward massages back is what girls (and us as guys too) feel as chemistry, even on a friendship level….it really is a click.
But that’s just the way I see it from what you have told me so far and thinking of related experiences I have had & seen.
~C.J.
p.s. An additional value about you rewriting your synthesis of ideas in your own words: When done before a situation, this creates a sketch of a game-plan to be better in the mind to call parts up when they feel most appropriate. By rewriting them, they get better solidified to mind so they don’t have to be concentrated on so much until the times are right to say/do what you say/do when you say/do it.
You are more ready when the moments are upon you.
Like in other things as well, by taking some time to write out a sketch of a plan of what you would do when in a social situation with her, you don’t have to follow your plan in any exact order that you predicted, but you have ideas better in place when those times come up. …In addition to that, when similar things come up in the future, you already have an understanding of what to do next. [/private]
“You better cut the pizza into four pieces because I’m not hungry enough to eat six.”
Most guys sit there and try to impress the new girls they are talking to.
Girls can see through this like it is[private] a neon sign.
Stay strong in all of your values and opinions expressed, regardless if she disagrees. i hear guys switching their opinions to match the girl’s and try to build rapport on this.
Girls are incredibly socially intelligent and can see right through this. You are boring her and she finds that sort of behavior to be the opposite of attractive.
AND do not try and qualify your opinion.
I have seen more than once a girl use their contradictory opinion just as a test to then come right around to my way of thinking.
Ex.
Me: I thought Pirates of Caribbean was a great movie.
Her: I thought it was a stupid movie.
Now At this point I have seen numerous guys change their opinion to match the girls and hopefully gain rapport from this. It doesn’t happen that way. Instead I stay firm in my belief in whatever it is and explain how I came to the conclusion.
Me: I thought Pirates of Caribbean was a great movie.
Her: I thought it was a stupid movie.
Me: ya, I think Johnny Deppp is an incredible actor. he captured that character better than anybody I can think of. he even loooked like he had a hint of crazy underneath it all.
On top of that some of the scenery was absolutely gorgeous. The Boats were beautiful, the sunsets,,,and the cat & mouse he played with that girl was very endearing..
Her: Ya I though it was a really good movie too.
I just gave you an example but on more than one occasion I see girl listening to the reasons I have come to my conclusions and then side with me, regardless of what their previos answer was.
That is what told me it must be a chick test of some sort. After seeing guys get weak and change their opionions to match the girls, it seems like they sometimes say things to test your sincerity and to see your strength.
A few nights ago I was listing in to the conversation of a couple that was sitting next to me at the bar. The guy mentioned his one of his favorite drinks was a Mai Tai and the girl said:
Her: “I hate those. My dad loves them them. Do you like them?”
He then went on to qualify what he was he saying: “Well it depends on where you get one…”
I was screaming in my head for him to be strong. A. girls will have opposing viewpoints to test the man’s strength and the sincerity of what he is saying.
B. Girls are attracted to guys with similar qualities to those they say in their dad, even if they say they don’t like it. It triggers an internal subconscious attraction of what they think an ideal man/mate should be, based on how they grew up to learn what the world is about.
First impressions are what everything else about you, a perspective of you is built upon. They say that the first [private] 90 seconds defines what this impression is. With good body language you can have a pre-show to this and then your consistent solid body language will solidify the good first impression. With nothing more than Body Language you can indicate you are a very relaxed person, very comfortable in your own skin and comfortable in any environment you are in.
Building rapport or building a bond comes with conversations that maintain 80-90% of eye contact. To chin up & sleight head tilt back during question & greeting indicates a relaxed surfer status of relaxedness.[/private]
…so I have to ask her if she’s working with security tonight. She tells me [private]she is not what starts laughing when I tell her she had that authoritative security looked tonight. I then asked her if she do some crazy flying judo kick to anyone who stepped out of line. A few salsa moves get things close enough for me to run my fingers through the back of her hair. Within two minutes of this I converse with her close, face close instead of talking to her ear in a kiss can happen.[/private]
…thank you very much.” I have said to a distracted girl more than once
There is great value in creating and maintaining curiosity in the girl about you. This is part of starting, building and maintaining the momentum of her chasing you, in pursuit of you. Fact of the matter is, [private] that both the girl and the guy are truly happier this way. A girl has been pursued her whole life, since she hit puberty. Guys have been pursuing women since puberty too.
until she has shown you that she is cool & you like her for reasons I have learned.
First dates should be easy-going time to get to know each other. I think paying for dinners & stuff indicates she has this privilege from you without earning it. She will think you are basically paying for time with her, so I usually go to free stuff. If I like what I have learned so far about her, it is something [private] small like coffee & I pay, I would just tell her: “I got this one, you get the next one.” To keep us on more of an even level, indicating a future date too.
A few ideas that are free are:
Museum of Science – Library pass
New England Aquarium – Library Pass
Museum of Fine Arts – Library pass
MFA Wednesdays from 4 – 9:45
Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum – Library pass at Copley Sq, Jamaica plain & West Roxbury
Castle Island – for walking around, getting to know each other
Blue Hills Picnic – in mild weather
Stargazing Fridays 8:30 PM at Museum of Science (Gilliland Observatory Hotline 617-589-0267)
On the museums with library passes, it shows a resourceful guy, & it doesn’t put the vibe of economy into the whole first date scenario. These are just a few ideas for you to mull over. Museums and walking around are a little different from the standard dating routine, taking the pressure off & it is more like you are a couple, exploring something together, like you already know each other in a sense.
[/private]
So I went out and met up with my NY buddy. He’s great to hang with, great conversationalist, and he lets me push him in or pull him into sets.
Just to increase the number of sets I open, I tried to do the: ‘Give $200 to your buddy who pays you $20 each time you open.’ This was great because it took ‘my pre-judgement of sets’ out of the equation. I didn’t care (as much) what the girl looked like, I was just running routine to get my 20 bucks.!
(I thought it was weird at first, but Dave would come up to me mid set and say: “Here’s that $20 I owe ya.” so I could just intro him in.)
Well that is the mindset. I would have my goal as I entered as $20, but of course I would stay in good sets, eject from the not-so, and make a few regular chick-friends in the process.
One of the last stops we made was where the Christian Science building is. Behind it there is a circle of water shooters all pointed to the center. As Dave and I walked up, I scanned the people sitting around it on the surrounding wall.
As we came in and looked at it, talked about the kids running through it, I turned to a blonde (who is behind me, since that is why I chose to stop walking here) sitting in the the sun and asked “Almost ready to run through?” I asked her. She laughed and said ”no way,”
“Okay good” as I start to empty my pockets into my backpack. “We need you to watch this stuff as we run through.” meaning Dave and myself. There was another brunette sitting about 10 feet away on the other side of the blonde. They don’t know each other, just two separate girls as far as I know, so far.
As the blond and I were talking and I see the brunette behind blonde, looking at me as I was speaking to the blonde, so I start to smile to the brunette every so often while I’m talking.
Then me and Dave run through the fountains, horse around with some of the kids playing, then make it back to the wall and somewhat dry off.
I have a new Iron Maiden shirt in my back pack so I can change out of my button down to put on a dry shirt. I re-open the conversation with the blond to take a picture of Dave and me. Then to show her how to use the camera I take a picture of her and Dave. Then she takes our picture and I get an idea:
I open the brunette by asking her to take a picture of Dave, me, and Blonde. I almost looked for another set to merge, but this felt good so far.
The brunette went back to her place by herself. While us 3 are chatting… just random comments between Dave, Blonde and myself.
At one point I ask the brunette if she’s ready to run through. When she says no I just swat my hand in her direction as if she’s no fun. “Forget you then..” I say in smiles to her but turn to Dave and the blond who are just chilling at this point to resume with them. At this point Dave is laying back and blonde is in her iPod.
While I sat down & looked next to me at blond and saw her pull the iPod earphone out of her ear as if I was talking and she couldn’t hear. I wasn’t saying anything yet but just took the cue and started rambling about the fountain.
In learning that she was a pharmacist and had a long day of training from her pharmacy, it was cool and all but I wasn’t hooked yet. I did see brunette looking over every once in a while, so the first little attention fade blonde gave me, I rolled off, stood up walked a few steps to the brunette and opened her.
Now this 2nd girl was great. First I saw how eager she was to my open after rolling out of the other set. Turns out although she was a little less stereotype good looking as the blond could be pegged for, this brunette really caught my attention, was more interesting and we had some good commonalities.
I told her how “I was going to stop last second and let Dave run it by himself, but as I got closer …it actually looks like a lot of fun”
We small talked until I heard. I gave her a ‘what should he do’ story. She was giving answers of: “I don’t know that could be tricky…”
I started to turn away a little bit, then turned back as I thought of something: “You know I would’ve agreed with you but one point my buddy brought up was how people expect opportunity to land in their lap, but a lot of times it lands just near by (as I am signaling towards the other side of the blond where I was sitting) and you just have to notice it to seize it.” as I motion to myself.
She nodded yes then asked me “What do you do?” I gave her some jokes, then told her being a (my name) is a full time job. I told her of moving here and some places where I’ve lived. She lived in a different part of the cape as I did, but we agreed on factors of it. She then jumped from there telling me what she does. I think she was excited to share it, who wouldn’t be…
“What?!, Your a Dolphin trainer?? I can’t hang out with you, I do Improv and you’ll always be trying to upstage me with your fish.” I started to get up as If I was really leaving because of this. Not stand but turn my body and put my feet like I was, while straightening up.
“From Falmouth to Boston, eh?” I laughed.
“What part of the cape did you live in,”She asked. Love it! She reinvests herself with something to get me talking. I start to tell her then cut myself off. “I wasn’t sure at first, but you seem like you have a cool energy, MIGHT make a good friend….” I just look perplexed at her like I’m trying to size her up right now and as if she is supposed to reply.
She shifts a bit in her seat. “Its a shame Dave and I have to go, my swing dance class starts soon…” I pause an look as if I am thinking something over. ..
“Alright (in agreeing tone) do you have a cell phone?” Its next to her, she shows me. I take it from her to punch in my number, “I’ll give you my number, since my phone is all the way over there.”I point to my backpack.she takes it back to put it on: ‘new contact.’ .
“Yeah, but I won’t call you.” at least she’s honest. “Ok then lets do this,” (as if it was any different that what I was already going to do.)
“I’ll call your number through, and tell my voicemail what your like so far.” So I do call it through and describe her in the most teasing way with what I knew about her. “Here is *****’s number. Adventurous enough to swim with dolphins, but too ‘scaredy-cat’ to run through the sprinkler, figure that out.”
As I get up I tell her I’ll call her tomorrow since my weekend gets crazy. “Maybe you can come along, or we’ll grab lunch next week.”
Funny thing was. As I walked to get my bag where Dave was sitting (he still hadn’t plowed on with blondie, she was a bit too reserved conversationally) and it was the first time I saw how it was okay to number close two girls in sight of each other. ”You seem like you’d be kinda cool if we picked this up on day you haven’t had 8 hours of training. You better give me your number if you want to pick this up another day…”
“Yeah it was long.” She tells me, so I take out my cell.
“What is it?” and she gave me her number.
Look. I don’t know if either of them are going to be my type of girl, I don’t know them well enough, but I probably wont call the blonde. She was boring, and I only asked # to see what she would say. I was curious to how strong that jealousy thing inside of girls does work. I’m sure it works different with different girls.
These were two 1 sets we merged, and Dave wasn’t playing.
Blonde didn’t make it to want to call her again, & we’ll see how dolphin chick makes it in the next round.
” 
~kay
