Yes a part of it is having your eyes open to looking for those incoming flirts too. Don’t worry, like any other muscle, it grows with use.
It started when I noticed these & acted upon them in my own life, but yet again I see these things happen with guys I coach all the time and I see how they don’t notice them coming at them.
With my pointing them out and their remembering the move they saw, but not understanding the signal, they identify them more as time goes on.
The second half of all of that is the clear recognition and the action upon it. It doesn’t even have to be witty or clever or anything, just responded to.
It doesn’t matter if you joking is really silly or you stutter a reply or the content of what you say to her at all. It is just responding in any way, that is all.
Then she knows you detected her flirt, and she was successful in her small coy move to get your attention. This is a time to let her have her winning glory. To reward her small moves will encourage more of them and give her those good feelings you have for then coming at you.
Sitting or standing close to you is a good indicator that some interest is going on, maybe leading to attraction. The closer they put themselves in relation to where you are indicates in the increased level of liking they have for you.
You will also see her turn her body more toward you in a body-facing manner as her attraction increases. As you two are talking, does she reach to touch you during certain points? Her attraction magnets have been turned up even more.
In the same way you would see her preening herself as a good indicator if how she is starting to feel attraction-wise, if she’s playing with her hair, necklace, rings in a fidgety way it usually means she likes you.
Giggling and general giddiness tells you this too. I love to hear a woman laugh at jokes that aren’t so funny since sometime girls laugh harder at the guys they like. That extra laughter, when you pick up on it, is more of a sign that she is attracted and not because of your world class humor.
There will be times when you are talking to a girl and there are issues that generate a deep rapport for you to share together. That can be good in all, but remember you just met this girl.
When it comes to people you have just met, a great way to connect is [private] establishing and maintaining more of a wide rapport,on many subjects. This is when you have many different subjects that you agree on. This is when you have many perspectives that you see eye to eye on. These are the types of people we end up meeting and feeling like we have known forever.
With all people many factors that started in our childhood never changed throughout our adulthood. We still do still operate on the award/punishment scales. Is she laughing at your jokes? It is time to reward her in some way. Show her you like this. Is she being offhandedly affectionate? There is another time to offhandedly reward her and indicate that you enjoy her.
When you first meet a girl, be it online or in person, as with much of the dynamic, you are going to have to use your first 90 seconds to be amazing, the ‘wow factor.’ Then and still she knows more about what you have to offer to the interaction, and about you as a person, you will have to take out 85 – 90% of the conversation space. (Remember girls hate silences, at first they are all uncomfortable).
As you to get to know each other then the scales seem to even out. My favorite place which you can discover as she tells you more about herself, is when she is taking up most of the talking time and you were just listening. I personally like to listen very much. I learned a lot about people in those places.
As I am listening I am making little notes in my head of topics to revisit and which ones she seems most passionate about that would be fun to talk about in more detail at a later time.
She starts out with such a small percentage because she is warming up to you and learning about your personality. Women are born social creatures. Much of this comes from learning about a person one is speaking with an identifying the points of rapport. She’s also learning which topics and styles seem to get her the most conversational reward as she shares her stories with you.
Guys who do not put this extra effort into a conversation with a girl they just met, I often see them letting it fizzle out and then walking away feeling like they were not liked. This definitely may not be the case and probably isn’t if you were trying to go 50/50 on the conversational talk time. Guys go on to think that a girl did not like them. This could be absolutely the opposite of the case, yet her natural womanly behaviors keep things this way until they are not, when she feels comfortable opening up more to you. I hate to hear guys are thinking that their opener was not clever enough.
The opener is nothing my friend. It is merely a spark to the fire of conversation, to get it going. It is the fire. It is what happens after that initial introduction that decides the connection between two people. (As a side note, I was recently talking to a check friend who made the point that our guy who would not be that hot in a photograph, once he gets her laughing he becomes pretty ‘smokin’.
It is what it is, but I hate to hear guys looking for that bonus prize, that ‘get me laid’ opening statement they can make to a woman. As with you, it takes something more than that which will just catch the attention, you need something that’ll hold her attention and build things up like never before. I hate to talk about these things like this so extreme, but once you’re in the essence of a moment those times will happen.
When it comes that first conversation I would suggest touching upon many different subjects. It is easy and very beneficial to keep changing the subject. You’ll see the ones that spark her up a bit. These you can amplify for a moment while noting in your head what they were. You can bring these to a high point then once you change the subject you can remember which topics to touch back upon.
By covering many different subjects throughout a first conversation you are feeling out which of the many topics you two can have rapport on and which subjects you can keep coming back to. Consistently changing topics rather than talking one to its dying day will keep you evidenced as the interesting guy you really are.
You really are. Think about it think about how many topics you do have interest in. Think about how many things really excite you. If you can briefly touch upon many of these it will do two wonderful things in an early conversation. It will show that you are a passionate guy because you keep talking about the numerous subjects you do get passionate about. Girls are very attracted to a passionate guy. Girls are very attracted to interesting guys with numerous subjects they have interest in.
Once your passion is revealed you will either see her shared passion in such therefore establishing a beginning rapport on the subject or she will just see yours. Even if she does not share the passion which you do she will admire your passion for it. Then once you have covered many topics and out of these found many that you BOTH share a passion about, you rapport is growing wide… across numerous topics. Here is how we find the type of people we can talk about anything with. I bet you can remember hearing of a girl talking about a guy she liked a lot. I bet that is exactly one thing she said about him (we could talk about anything.)
Now this is great, you can just keep talking and talking while switching and changing subjects. You just keep on talking making enough pauses to give her chances to respond. She may not, and you are not dependent on this but while doing this the second you see that something you are talking about happens to spark something in her you can clam up. Clam up so she has a chance to participate in this topic. Then you can help her to elaborate her points. You can ask for elaboration on details she mentions. While listening, it is nice to hold eye contact with a slight grin and nodding through her every word. This will tell her that you are paying good attention to her, intently listening and eager to hear her next passages. Doing this you can remain always ready to jump in and take over the conversation with points you heard and mentally bookmarked whenever needed.
As conversation is moving along you can cause new topics and ask for open-ended questions. I would suggest you commit to never asking any sort of ‘yes/no’ type of questions. With a little practice you can learn to make sure all of your questions are the open-ended type. The types that will inspire her to have long-winded answers are great. This whole time you can listen to her answer while mentally taking notes on details to ask her about.
Often girls will have to elaborate their answers to your creative questions. Other times girls may say something like: “Um… I don’t know.” This may happen because she really does not know an answer. Other times this may happen because she feels on the spot, she hasn’t gotten comfortable enough with you yet to open up and discuss things with you elaborately. Either way, you can clarify the question some.
This not only will give for a more detailed description of what you’re asking but also gives her a few moments to think about the answer to the first question you asked.
Sometimes girls need this. Whereas they might have felt to be put on the spot at first, while listening to you rephrase it they can be gathering an answer.
For example, to get to the core of our passions is often useful to look at our childhood. I may ask her something like: “Do you remember when you were a kid, what it was that you wanted to be when you grew up?”
Many times I find girls frequently do remember what this was. Maybe they love animals and wanted to be a veterinarian. Maybe they thought it would be cool if they were a nurse. If they tell me that they don’t remember I can give them an example of the type of answer I was looking for by giving them my own.
“Aw shucks (I say jokingly) that’s too bad. I find it can be pretty useful to figure out what we were thinking as kids to understand the core of our passions today. When I was in preschool, even before I could read, I still like to play as if I was reading books. The teacher’s aide told me I look like a lawyer so I was convinced her for some time that’s what I would be. I would go home and play mock trial with my parents either being a lawyer or being a judge. As I got older I never much wanted to be a lawyer but I do get a kick out of reading a lot and you find a strange fascination in the logic and reasoning that can be used in the courtroom.”
Nowas I gave my reply I gave very much into it. I was very sincere and told her about things I would play when I was a child. Sometimes by showing example, putting that ‘Umph’ into the reply will be modeling to her what you expected. Then she might be more likely to give you a more passionate answer and think some more about her own childhood.
As you are doing those things in qualifying her, once she passes the little tests you have presented it is time to seize the moment. “Oh my God, you are so cool. How can we make sure we hang out again? This is a lot of fun.”
You can even seize the moment and reward her right away. “That is so awesome!” And then pulled her close to you to kiss her on the cheek. There is never a reason to waste time. Once you detect that moment at hand it is time to seize it. Many guys a lawful themselves out of the park because of too many worry statements were second-guesses. Girls live on a moment to moment basis. When the moment is high and you guys are sharing one they love it to be seized. It feels natural. It feels like a natural connection in the moment of that connection was seized by you both.
Practice talking about racy subjects. Sexual topic should be an easy, free-flowing type of conversation that falls easily from your lips. This is showing that sex is an easy-going topic for you. This will also show that you are somewhat of a seductive person and have plenty of experience with women. They like that. It shows a skilled lover and a man who has been qualified by many girls previously. This will indicate to her that since you have been pre-qualified by many girls before her, she is less work to do. This actually is way more of a weighted qualification because girls never truly know how to properly qualify a guy. They keep trying in many different ways to cover obvious bases but there have been plenty of times before when they have done that and it not work out as they had expected.
“I am not the kind of guy that would just take a girl that caught his attention home the first night and give her a night of pleasure and continuous orgasms. I am not that easy. I see you have real potential to hold my attention but you can at least buy me a few drinks first.”
Another great way to turn up the thermostat for the heat of your interaction is simply to talk about kissing. Let’s say you been talking for five or 10 minutes and felt some genuine rapport developing between the two of you at some point when you are close in proximity during the conversation you can just ask her: “If I were to kiss you, on a scale of 1-10, how do you think I’d rate your kiss?”
At this point not only will she be trying to take pride at a presumed high score, she’s going to imagine kissing you. It will cross her mind at this point in the image is likely to pop in every so often since she started. At this time, I myself, since I was thinking about it as well, might start alternating my gaze from her eyes to her lips every so often. It might be nice to imagine what those lips taste like at this point. Because I do love the woman’s eyes sometimes I find it hypnotic to triangulate my gaze upon her. That is if you alternate from eye to other eye to her lips, this can feel very sensual just making the gaze that way. She will probably notice this too and feel sensuality from your gaze. I remember sometimes while doing this, girls have done either offhanded or explicit moves to get this happening.
Offhandedly they may just move close or get their face closer to yours. Explicitly, yet much less common and seen a girl come right in to kiss me on the lips. A few times when they had done this it seemed like they were distracted for a second as they came in for the kiss and then went on with talking as if they just had to satisfy a sudden craving distraction.
Sometimes hints may work better than anything else. Let her mind play with what you stated but then move on. There is no need to make your coy statements and then stop speaking because you’re waiting for her reaction. “I have a bottle of whipped cream in the fridge. You should come home with me and help me finish it off. The bouncer here reminds me of Jim Gaffigan.”
If you do make a statement and sort of positive her reaction, watch her carefully. If you see in her face and/or body that she isn’t heated up enough for this yet, you can take it away. “We should go back to my place and massage oil onto each other skin. I just picked up this kind that smells and tastes like mangoes.” (but if you do see her face showing anything but eager anticipation…) “No, wait a second. You are pretty tall I don’t think I have enough for your body.”
You see, before you took it away you illustrated a nice semi-sexual picture of imagery and her brain. Women love the imagination since theirs does paint magical pictures. Even if she had a bit of hesitancy to your suggestion, don’t worry, the picture will stay for a while and it will flash back every so often.
As you know, any ‘No’ she says is simply ‘No’. That’s easy. She wont even say it unless it is real But when it comes to subtle hesitations things are different, so I hate to see guys interpreting the worst out of these. If she did find a place to express her minor hesitation, like anything else, it is all a joke until it’s taken seriously. Laugh it off. Laugh heartily and then change the subject. Women are very funny like this when you don’t need to take their comments in a moment to be much at all. Many times she has many rejections. It is to satisfy her need not to look like the stereotypical ‘slut’. Most girls seem to have a need to establish themselves away from the stereotype. I think by laughing it off and not taking it seriously or personally rather, shows the insignificance you find in the stereotype anyways.
This also shows that you take any rejection towards you as kind of a joke. Since girls usually fall into your arms and you understand she is saying what needs to be said to establish herself as a non-slut, all you can do is laugh it off. You heard it, you accept it, you allow her to establish what she needs to (as not having behaviors that would classify her as a ‘slut) but still not taking it too seriously or personally.
Most of the time, I find that girls need to get their protest to be ‘on the record’. Once this is said they feel a little freer to give in to their desires and go with their attraction. I see most often that girls do not want you to stop your pursuit based on this ‘technical rejection’. Now things can go along as you both want. This is why are found laughing it off to be the easiest acceptance of it. You accept the fact she wants her minor protest to be heard but nothing more since it wasn’t an outright ‘No’..
You don’t need to have a smooth transition into some of these things. It may take some practice but often being very comfortable in a major change in tempo of the conversation you’re having can be quite charming to a girl. This can show you have major balls, which is nice.If you have the comfort to adjust the tempo of a conversation from casual then easily slipping in a sexual innuendo shows you are very confident and comfortable with your sexuality. This is very attractive.
21st century has been seen to stifle many people’s free expression of the sexuality inside of them. You don’t have to be a part of that. Being very bold when you first approached her and then bolt throw your interaction shows you are not ‘just another average guy’. Keeping the tension up, and keeping her slightly intimidated is a sweet spot for you both. When you can introduce these dramatic tempo changes to the conversation it goes to reveal that you are person who you never know what to expect from him.
After laying out somewhat of a foundation of that, let me cover a part of the ‘rejection’ topic. There really is no such thing until the woman says “No” or something of that specific nature. This is another reason why I personally prefer open-ended questions and sometimes indicating my desired intents with a statement rather than a question. When you start getting into racy topics (and other topics actually) you will see that any lack of explicit rejection is actually acceptance.
In the case of yes/no questions think of it this way, if you were to say something like: “Do you want to…” and she feels she needs to say “no” to maintain her image as proper and that is what she’ll do. This being said, if you were to say something like: “Let’s go do this…” and she has no reply than she is for the suggestion. If she is specifically and directly not for the suggestion she will go ahead and say something along the lines of indicating that she doesn’t want to or she can’t or it’s not possible for some reason.
Remember that in many cases any lack of negation to your suggestion is a girl’s way of accepting it. To make a suggestion without it being a yes/no question, you can say something like “We should go to my house to smoke hookah and get my cat to chase the laser pointer.” Or something like “We should go back to my place and watch my cat do back flips while you give me a massage.” If she says nothing then your suggestion has generally been accepted. You don’t have to consider her ‘not into it’ unless she says something like “No, that’s not a good idea” or another thing along those lines. The only other time I can think of she may indicate she is not into it if she is not his while you’re on the way were about to leave to then she may indicate it then. Otherwise she is all for it. As a standard, girls don’t normally say something like “Yeah let’s go do that.” They will go along with what they think may be fun until they don’t.
While you are having a great time enjoying each other’s company, you should just presume, as you would with any other friend that she is coming home with you. Don’t go in at all of these unspoken and unfounded expectations of negation where they’re not necessary. Do not make an issue of a non-issue.
Making these random comments with sexual undertones is a part of what I explained as foreplay and my detailed passages about sexy-time. Foreplay should not begin when you decide to get sexually intimate, as an ‘all of a sudden’ event. You should consistently be flirting and sprinkling in seductive comments throughout your conversation with a girl you have a sexual interest in. A girl’s imagination is a beautiful thing.
When our thoughts are brought to sexy places it can start her arousal and maintain it at mild levels way before any touching happens. Doing this consistently and steadily along with a slow teasing physical foreplay can bring the woman to unknown heights in their orgasm.
Girls do want a bold confident man. While many guys try to sneak their way in to an interaction with a girl with crafty, clever lines… if you just go in with your boldness this will make quite an impression in itself.
You can begin your flirting and sensuality and spoken foreplay from the very minute you say hi to a new girl. It is subtle yet this is revealing all your cards on the table in a way. Girls have been hit on since they hit puberty. There is no way for any guy to approach her with intensity in his mind and are not able to see through it. It is much easier if you just cut all of the bullshit. When I approach a girl it is no secret that she caught my attention. I am now talking with her to see what she is like, to see if she can hold my attention, to see if I want more of my time to be spent with this girl. When a guy comes up to a girl unafraid of any ‘risk of rejection’ or what have you, then all of a sudden she sees a shinier apple presented to her.
I have found it to be perfectly fine and very well accepted to have my intentions obvious. It seems like some guys are trying to sneak their way into a girl’s attention and coerce her to the bedroom without her realizing what’s going on. This does not happen, this is not seduction. Recently while at a mall with a friend of mine we decided to go into Spencer gifts. As you’re walking and my friend was telling me that the store now had quite an extensive sex toy selection.
While walking in I saw it was a cute girl was working the register that day so my first sentence to her was: “My friend tells me that this is a sex toy shop nowadays. Is that true?” With this little piece of information I was able to start our conversation on a somewhat sexual level. When she tells me the story is as I suspected I ask her to show me her collection. As we get over to the section of the store I tell her that I was curious about vibrators. I then asked her to tell me which is the best or which is the most popular. She goes on to show me the first model that she thought of. I will not ask her questions of the reasons it was supposedly better than the rest. While she was explaining its features I simply gazed upon her. I looked into her eyes, enjoyed gazing upon her face and neck and listening to the sexual topic she was describing and the sensual way she was describing it.
As she was explaining the features of this first vibrator I went on to ask her:”Does the nice sounding features of this vibrator cause a woman to lose the novelty, enjoyment of the real thing, of a real penis?” With utter sincerity, she went on to tell me with a very sophisticated sounding know-how that this absolutely was not true. “From my perspective, and understanding both, although this is very nice there is nothing like a real penis. There is nothing like skin on skin.” She was getting very sexy and describing this and seemed to want to prolong the conversation so she went and picked up a second model and describe its features. I merely listened and enjoyed the sensuality I was watching come into her as she described the sexual nature of these devices.
A girl enjoys a bold and confident man who has no qualms about touching upon the subjects because then again, by doing this you show her that the subjects are absolutely acceptable in conversations between the two of you. She will know now that she can freely express how she feels about such topics. Forget any ‘risk’ of possible rejection you are thinking. I think you should embrace and dance with these risky topics to get yourself comfortable with them and indicate to her that you are comfortable with her talking of them. Women love sex more than we men do. Once she feels she has established herself past the anti-slut protocol, and these topics have a perfect comfort ability as when shared with you, she will feel like she can enjoy you and her own sexual experience without being (looked down upon.)
I hear and see many guys who think that the minor rejections are something they earned. In essence that is really not the case. You see, women have these built-in automatic rejections to hand out to the general male crowd. Girls want to ensure they have high standards for which man they get with. If they can toss out a simple easy rejection to their approach and he drops the issue, then that was easy. She now filtered through and eliminated a weak sort of man. Girls have the negation to incoming males built-in is an automatic. They have been pursued and approached by men since puberty. Guys have whistled at them from driving by, guys have ‘Cat-Called’ them from the construction site and guys have ogled them on the beach since they grew boobies.
Get over the pride. Hearing these minor statements of rejection is really nothing. If you are subtly and not so subtly indicating your intent, you will see a few things. She will begin thinking about and imagining what sexy-time with you is like. She will see you are bold and candid and comfortable enough to be taking things all the way. And finally, somewhat based on her reaction, you’ll be able to see how much attraction has been built so you can gauge and decide your current actions with this girl and/or future actions with future prospects.
I told you that women are very much on the moment to moment basis and testing you. Personally I think of up several times I’ve stated a firm opinion on one side of the subject. The girl I was speaking with that expressed the opposite side of the same subject. I quickly acknowledged (not discrediting her point) but then went on to further illustrate the reasons why I feel the way I do. I’ve seen more than one case where a girls next comments will be those on the side of the issue that I originally expressed. seems they just throw these things out there to see the resiliance of a potential male in their world.
Life is funny, enjoy it. It is all a joke until it’s taken seriously and only take the part seriously which you wish to be a part of your world. What points a girl makes that you do take seriously is another reward in conversation that will inspire them to grow. Reward the ones that you like to have as a part of your world.
Since the best punishment from childhood on is merely ignoring, ignore all of those that you disagree with. You are merely paying attention to the ones you like therefore showing there a reason to elaborate those points. If she is getting no attention or acknowledgment about the points you don’t like she is very much less likely to elaborate on those. On the ping-pong table she got no pong to her ping.
You are still that incredibly fun, interesting guy that she met. You have so many women that she has no idea if you are going to ask her out at all. You are totally un-needy. She wants you to tell her when and where to meet you. You don’t ask; you direct, since you are a leader.
Mainly, you want to reinforce in her mind…[private]
… that you are still that super fun guy she met, continue building lots of comfort (while keeping
the attraction fires burning), and last, but not least, get her to meet up with you.
The secret to good phone game is to be completely and totally un-needy. In any attractive woman’s life, there have been a million guys who she has her number to and lived to regret it; primarily because they made it a point to constantly ask her out at the slightest opportunity, whenever they had her on the phone. You are not going to be that guy. You are going to be that ultra-cool guy she wants to go out with but doesn’t give her any certainty that you will ever ask her out at all.
When you mention fun things you have in your upcoming plans, as soon as you hear her interest in them, it is so easy to suggest “Totally. I think we have room. You should definitely come along.”
“Our house almost got broken into when I was eight…but my if dad installed some swinging paint cans and some micro machines by the stairs that shit woulda never happened.”
You see, we never really know what is considered totally acceptable or not until we put it out there. I see some guys dtaying headstrong on maintaining what they do, have done to maintain an alpha strength while asking for okayness before they proceed.
It is actually stronger, more alpha, to have to confidence to do what you do and enough confidence once you see things may not be received as you thought and apologize for the reception.
It can be as easy as explaining you motivation, that what was misinterpreted is not what you intended and you are sorry it was taken that way.
If you want a first date with a woman, and you pass up random moments to express affection or a skip to receive affection she will see right through you. Keep your detail monitor on her, please. Never let yourself automatically withdraw from her ‘accidental’ touch so to speak. It is time to promote it, to welcome it, to flourish it.
…what you have are beams of your powerful energy coming from your eyes, out to the world. If you practice maintaining eye contact with [private] every person (non-person to your world yet) that you pass in a day’s travel, you will see they are most often averting their eye contact first.
They are the first to break it, you are just scanning the people you pass to see which ones look interesting enough to say hi to or something. The people that do hold it for a through a whole second and into the next moment, maybe they are interesting. A simple ‘hi’ will start you off to have the answer to that question. Any girl that holds this eye contact, I will smile at and any guy that holds it I greet “Hey what’s up?”
By practicing your eye contact with everyone you pass will strengthen this in you. Guys that hold it get a greeting or the tilt head back a bit greeting and the girls get a smile. keep practicing this with all non-people to your world that you pass in a day and it will get stronger, more naturally regular. You get like a juice, a motivation from these tiny moments of connection throughout a day. [/private]
Ok, from last Wednesday…I decided to log out this clip. I went into the Logan cafe…as I love it there…I figured a quick sandwich and a soda….Some beautiful bunny was leaning on the brochure counter looking as if she is waiting for someone…She was pretty model stat…Good-‘propa-lady’ like dressed on top of a Bally’s body…She held herself well, and when our eye contact was made…She humbly dropped [private] her gaze to the ground…for a couple a seconds…When she looks back up to see if I am still looking…which I was…I scoped her setup head to toes…On her look up she dropped her gaze again then a good 30 seconds before she looked to the side and the brochures…I figured I would say hi….
C.J.: “Hi, I do have a question for you.”
Beautiful Bunny at the Logan cafe: “Sure, what’s that?”
(I pause… pause. I paused for fun…)
C.J.: “Are you single?” (In my emotionless stone cold straight face)
Beautiful Bunnie: “Well, um…”
C.J.: “I’ll take that as a yes…” (I nodded in the grin that I felt creeping on…)
Beautiful Bunnie: (Laughter)
C.J.: “Well, I just happen to know someone that I
think might like you… if you’re more than
just a pretty face, that is… He’s fun and has
great taste, and I think you’d like him… I’d
love to sit down and get your life story, but I’m
on my way somewhere… do you have email?” I asked…
Beautiful Bunnie: “Yes.”
C.J.: Great… (I take out my favorite astronaut pen)… write it down for
me, and I’ll send you an email when I’m in ‘online time’.
I then folded her slip of paper slid it into the breast pocket of my jacket and wished her a good day…[/private]
Talk to her for a few minutes then walk away and do something else (this is key when [private] you see she is at a high point because of your interaction.
This keeps her wanting more. You can make her want what you have, what you are. Give her a little and then tease her a bit.
Do not make anything easy to get. Stay mysterious.
There is no need to answer questions about work so early. Be vague, especially if you have a really good answer. The most confident people never need to brag. Never give a woman a direct answer.
Play with her a little bit. Answer questions with questions. Get her to commit to something. If she complains or doesn’t like something, turn it up and give it back the way you would to our little sister.
Never give a woman exactly what she asks for. Always send mixed signals. Tell her “let’s be friends” at random times to show her she is in danger of getting stuck in your ‘friend-zone’ and nothing else.
Be unpredictable. Keep mixing it up and changing the patterns. Be distinctive, not boring. As far as showing your interest, take two steps forward then one step back. That would be two steps that indicate your interest to her, with a separate single one to indicate you’re not interested.
Keep up the tension. Like playing poker, always raise & call her bluff. You can lead and move forward very confidently. There is no need to apologize, act apologetic or insecure. Don not try to get any approval or look like you are trying to impress people, especially girls. Softies are for the dryer[/private]
I do something with the first people I see for the day to begin my social momentum for the day. As I was getting closer to the bus stop, I saw two girls. One was facing my direction and the other was facing the first girl, away from me. As I got up to the stop, I simply smiled and said “Hello” to the girl facing me.
“Hello” said the one facing me as her friend turned around to see who she was saying hi to. When the second girl turned, [private] she said “Hi” as well, to which I smiled. As I said, I was just greeting the girls to begin the social momentum for the day. There was nothing striking about them, so I just greeted them and left it at that.
As I got on the bus I could see three seats in a row, each with a girl sitting on the inside seat, leaving the outside one open. A quick scan had me take the seat with the cutest of the three, whom I sat next to.
She was wearing headphones, so I waited a few moments then I turned to her, smiled and asked if she knew which stop it was that the Pru was on (yes I knew this, but I was using the situational questions to feel her out). She explained the stop was Copley so I thanked her, gazed at her face for a moment and smiled. She put her earphones back on and went back to her music. I waited a few more beats of time to go by and I turned to her again.
“What color train is that stop on?” I asked her. She told me ‘green’ then asked me if I was new in town. When a girl asks any question about me, it is a signal of curiosity to know more about me and keep the conversation going.
So I went into my elaborate story of how I am from this area, yet I travel so much. I tell her of my last trip to Puerto Rico lasting 7 months longer than I first thought I would stay, then I went on to tell her about the beauty of the place, the friendliness of the people, the tropical animals and my practice in real-life Spanish.
I talked about the food there, and our conversation transitioned to trading stories about different ethnic restaurants in town. She described a Colombian restaurant she liked (which I noted in my head) and I told her how I love to meet up with friends at different spots to split appetizers. This was about 10 minutes since I first spoke to her.
Our conversation was flowing smoothly, back and forth. I could detect her interest in me and I thought she was cool to talk to. I gauged how many stops were left before I’d have to get off and I said to her: “You seem like you have a really cool energy, it’s a shame we can only enjoy each other’s company for the length of this bus ride.” She expressed agreement in smiles and nodding and small comments. I paused to let it sink in; I even looked away for a moment in thought.
Then I turned back to her. “I wonder what steps we’d need to take to pick this conversation up another time” and I let it sink in while she thought of ways two people could connect later. Trade info, exchange numbers, etc.
Then as if I was hit with a discovery I said. “Ya, we should definitely trade info so we can talk again another time” as I pulled out my cell phone. It never seems awkward when I take baby steps to this type of suggestion, just like the expected normal thing to happen next. I have found that by signaling my way up to the number seemed to be easily accepted and replied well to. It wasn’t an all-of-a-sudden: ‘Let me get your number’ out of nowhere in the conversation. I showed where I was going as if it was the natural next step. I also take the asking for anything out of the picture. I don’t ask for numbers, I suggest we trade information. More even exchange, less pressure.
My favorite part when I do things this way is when I start to suggest, sometimes the girl will have the idea: “Oh ya, give me your number.” Or whatever. This seems to drop the flake factor and have her more invested into waiting for/getting my call too. Not all girls do this, they still are humble feminine creatures but it is cool when they do, usually the outgoing ones.
So I pull out my phone to her.
“What is it?” I asked with my cell phone in hand as I selected ‘new contact’ on my phone.
“Jenna.” She told me.
“No your number. I have to punch that in first, then I can put your name to it.” I said. We hadn’t even traded names yet.
She told me her number; I punched it in and put ‘Jenna’ in the name section. “Ok, I will send you a text right now with my name in it so you can save the number. I’m C.J.” and I sent her a text right then. I could see my call coming through, now knowing it is a real number she gave (we had clicked pretty well so I had no reason to think it wouldn’t be but it is a habit) and she saved the number with my name to it.
We kept chatting and she subtly mentioned her brother & his speaking English. “Where is your family from?” I asked. Even when girls make small subtle points, they are stepping stones for more information, further conversation, getting to know each other better.
“Nicaragua.” She said.
“No kidding, como estas?” I had to ask, practicing my Spanish once again. “You can be my Spanish practice buddy.” (I do usually hint at girls getting stuck in my friend-zone if they don’t play their cards right. Here is another frame that I found by owning it first, I never get stuck in.)
She then told me she was riding the green line too and would be coming with me since her stop was one after mine. We boarded the train, chatting for the ride, when I got to my stop, I took her arm for a small squeeze and told her I would talk to her later.
To keep whatever emotional high she was in from meeting me, I sent her a text about an hour later: “Hey Jenna, now I am all curious about the Colombian place you told me of. We’ll have to go split appetizers when we both have time free. C.J.”
…and 20 minutes later I get her text back: “Definitely! =)”
I tell her: “You know what? I’m gonna make you my girlfriend for the next 5 Minutes, I hope you won’t stalk me when we break up. ”
Then I start the plot line for our little shared imagination movie: “Since we only have 5 minutes, we need to [private]make this really good, ok? Good. So girlfriend, how’s your mom? Tell her I said thanks for the birthday gift, but it really didn’t fit. No, don’t tell her that part, I loved it!” as I am laughing with her since it so silly.
To re-engage the scenario, I pick it back up in a few minutes: “Hey girlfriend, I have something to tell you: I’ve been cheating on you…with your best friend.”
She was mockingly defensive: “Oh no! How could you?” and playing along.
“I’m really sorry girlfriend (I continue to call her: “girlfriend” too, not her name. It was fun to stay in character, even if sometimes I used a gay voice to say it. )
“I couldn’t help myself.” I continued “I’m just really sexual… you know that!” as we played charade kiss & make up scenes, to keep the goofiness going. [/private]
I turned to look out the train window as I saw a girl looking at me in the reflection. I locked eyes with her and at the 2nd second of duration had come, as I usually do I started to smile. She looked like a kid caught looking in the xmas closet and averted her gaze, turned her head like I busted her.
If ‘under the radar’ girl coded signals were sent..or if any was, but. A few minutes later I talked to the friend sitting close to me. She seemed very open and eager to be drawn into conversation.
FOLEY
It doesn’t have to, it’s something
that happens. It’s like seeing a person
you never saw before — you could be
passing on the street — you look at
each other and for a few seconds,
there’s a kind of recognition. Like
you both know something. But then the
next moment the person’s gone, and
it’s too late to do anything about it,
but you remember it because it was
right there and you let it go, and you
think, “What if I had stopped and said
something?” It might happen only a
few times in your life.
She will be processing what is being said and some expression will come with her remarks, you can see if she is getting engaged. Once the conversation starts, I watch her body language and overall energy and calibrate to it. It is nice to have energy slightly higher than hers is. Having it close will indicate rapport & being slightly higher will start to raise her energy, raise her vibe of fun because of you there.
(www.getherchasingyou.com) Maintaining her chasing through texting
For a good example of how well girls respond to playful anything and how the like a masculine dominance express so they feel better about their feminine humility/submissiveness to come forth, there was a recent message banter I thought I could share.
She has actively contacted me every so often. We have hung out but a few times more recently she had to cancel tentative plans because of complications in her life. So a few days ago I get this message:
HBNurse: Hey sweetie whats up with ya ya ya? Do u miss me or do u hate me now? Xo
(I am guessing she is referring to her last need to cancel our tentative plans.)
Me: You are in a neutral limbo status with potential available to you that could put you on the good side in a moment’s notice…that is if you take the right steps.
(Subtextually, I am letting her know that I haven’t totally written her off, but if she wants ot be in good favor with me, there are steps she will need to take. This is another level of that sweet spot to indicate to girls. They do not have total..[/private] …approval yet they are not rejected/dismissed. There is a clear enough indication that her actions in the right way can lead to the rewards she wants. Not too easily obtained, but the potential is within her reach.)
HBNurse: K. I would like right steps obi wan. School ur young jedi…..
(This is great. She is the one to turn it into a game, so to speak. She is following my lead to what I indicated, but giving us the fictional roles of characters in Star Wars. I hear which way she is following my lead and I go with that as well, rewarding her choices that are in the direction I want along the way. Like in child psychology, reward the good behavior you want more of & ignore the negative behaviors to make them go away. Girls work the same way. Good result or bad result they are driven to do those things that get the most attention. )
Me: Ok, Miss Young Skywalker…first step is for you to alert me when you are in my area and have a block of time to do what you want with.
(Here, I am rewarding her following my lead and I will play along with the roles she found. The roles actually will let me be more direct as the game goes along since it is joking, with the real meaning heard underneath. She hits me up every so often with texting banter, but here I am telling her to let me know when she wants to get together & is ready to take more of my direction. I already won’t make plans with her unless I am absolutely certain she will follow through, so when she does what I asked, this is the first step in her making a commitment she will follow through with. )
HBNurse: Yes master…. Then?
(I know she wants to text banter on a sexual level at this point. I will do nothing but vague hints to let her imagination do most of the work. Just like there are ways to build tension and create open loops in texts, tension can be released for her in texts. I see her curiosity and decide to keep it at that at this point. With this game on the table now, later I can simply recall that curiosity in her at a later point with it.)
Me: You will be given the next directions when you have successfully completed the first step…and second step isn’t guaranteed unless it is clear you are ready for more…who knows, you may get second step first time you complete the first one or maybe you won’t get it until the tenth time you have completed the first step…it all depends on the moment & your readyness for more in that moment.
(Here I am telling her that her curiosity will not be satisfied until she completes the first direction I gave her. I won’t even tell her the next steps. Some girls can get release of that tension through sexy talk through even texts. Every girl is different but I like to continuously be building tension, holding off from that release until it can be done physically.)
HBNurse: Yes master… I understand! What will u have me do…
(She heard what I said, but is trying again to get me to give her some sexier talk within the texts. I will vaguely hint at more when I see that my building of more tension will have her wanting that release AND is able/ready to meetup for that release to happen physically. Not only do I repeat what she needs to do to get what she wants… )
Me: Good girl, but listen: <> …it may be different depending on the moment you complete that….depending on the current moment & how ready for more you express you are.
(…I get a little more specific so she knows what factors will increase the likelihood of her getting what she wants.)
HBNurse: Yes master soon ill b ready to complete my training….
(Here she is telling me she heard what I said & is clear. Previously I told her to withhold contacting me until she had a block of time with no constraint but it still is no guarantee.)
Me: Ok, Leave me be until you feel you are ready.
(I know I can call back the theme of this banter at any time later to remind her or re-spark her curiosity…but for now, I will take away this banter until she tells me she has time, or I pick it up to re-spark those things.)
What girls want least is those things they can have too easily. They want those things more that are hard to get. What they want most are those things that are just a hairsbreadth out of their reach, what they can almost have if they figure out the best steps to take. Giving them indication of what those steps might be is a good feeler to see their readiness. As soon as they start to try (getting the chasing going) they will get small rewards with indications of how they can modify their steps to get bigger rewards.
I stay vague about the exact reward possible, just vague hints but am clearer about the steps they need to take…[/private] …to even find out what those rewards might be. I let their imagination do most of the work. It comes up with things closer to what they want, and their never quite sure if they are right anyways.
That uncertainty creates desire in them just to find out what those rewards might be and to know a clearer picture of what they need to do to get them…. is a larger factor in creating desire than anything explicit described anyways.
So it all started at Allston bar/grill, Sunset Grill. I was there a little early to be meeting some friends there for dinner. The waitress gave me a table beeper and I sat at the bar to wait for my friends. I was sitting on the corner of the bar and on the adjacent side of the bar were 4 girls in a row. I eye contacted with a smile the two that were closest to me.
As soon as the girl closest to me got her drink, we talked about her beer a bit. We mad some jokes about beers. To explain her reasons to be out on a weeknight, she says that she and her friends ran the marathon that day, so even though I only partially believe her (based on her delivery) I play along with her joke.
I scan across the row of girls and notice the one farthest from me, the youngest and the cutest of the bunch is doing some eye contact flirting heavily but is much more reserved than the other 3 girls.
The first girl then points out each girl in the row and tells me of something that was significant about them in the marathon simultaneously doing a mini-intro without names. She tells me one girl had a knee go out in the last 2 miles, that she personally had stomach ache during part of the race and small factors about each one during the race. It seems as if she is making the whole thing up, but I play along for playful sake.
At one point she is playing with her phone and I see an engagement/wedding band on the indicator finger. She was wicked fun to talk & joke with, so I just noted it in my head & went on with the convo. My first buddy shows up. After a few minutes of catch up talk, I quickly introduce him in to the girls. I use the same intro the first girl did with me when she introduced me to the group.
I started announcing the group to my buddy as an introduction. “Ya, and these girls ran the marathon today. This girl had a stomach-ache, This girl a knee problem…” I began with…. and the first girl finished my introduction to my buddy with the specifics she told me previously. She finished up the introductions.
Conversation went on with me, my buddy & mostly the girl closest to us and a little less with next girl over and even less with the 3rd girl in the group.( Nothing but gazes from the last girl in the row.) At one point the second girl in the row mentioned her husband offhandedly in a comment so I made my second note in my head. The girls were fun to chat with, so it kept going on for a few minutes until their appetizers came.
As the first 3 girls were eating their appetizers, I saw the last girl in the row, the one making her heavy eye contact flirts. She had no appetizer and was just sitting with her drink. She was blond, very cute & definitely caught my attention. She had a rocker chick vibe which has caught & held my attention more than once. I excused myself from my buddy, walked down the bar to where this last girl was sitting and started talking. I first was [private]talking about the marathon again and this girl mentioned that she didn’t even go, she told me the other things she did that day.
The conversation jumps from that to places she’s worked in the past, her love for snowboarding, her origin of a different state. She tells me of her parents, her studies in school. She also tells me what she loves about her studies although her line of work was nothing even closely related. She is getting really excitedly passionate explaining these things, which I find very attractive. I still wasn’t thinking of her as much more than a cool chick to be talking to at the time. As far kino was concerned, the only touching I do is basic offhanded touches that goes easily in any conversation.
We get pretty involved in conversation as I see her getting more interested. She is turning her chair more away from the bar and more towards me and getting excited about the topics she mentioned that I asked her more about as she was elaborating. She was getting excited in her topics and was fun listening to her telling her stories this way. Seeing her interest and energy raising, I point out my friend who diagonally across the bar to point him out to her. I tell her that I think she is wicked cool but I have to get back to my friend (another way to roll out on a high point), we are waiting for another friend before getting a table.
“Oh we should totally trade contact so we can pick this up another time.” I tell her. She agrees and takes out her phone as I was taking out mine. I tell her my information and tell her to call her number through so I have it for later. Then I select her call, select ‘Add to contacts” and hand her my phone telling her to type in the information so I have it saved. She does this and while I am saving it we get into other conversations.
We then talk more about where she was from, what she studied in college and her love for snowboarding and her 3 month trip in the past winter. The conversation was still rolling along nicely so I stayed in it for a few minutes before getting back to my friend. As I start to walk away from her, I turn back and tell her that my friend and I are waiting for another chick friend and then we are getting a table. I tell her as soon as our other friend arrives that she should join us at the table too. She says it sounds good so I tell her I will let her know when I get buzzed for the table.
I go back to my buddy, our other chick friend arrived and I get buzzed for the table. Before sitting down, I go back to HBsnowboard and tell her I just got buzzed for the table. She tells me she is going to the bathroom and will be over after.
So my two friends and I go sit at our new table. We sit and are chatting and laughing along. This new table was on a totally opposite side of the restaurant but a few minutes later I see HBsnowboard coming in the dining room and making her way over. My buddy and chick friend were on the other side of the table so the available seat was on the bench seating next to me where she sat down.
We all ordered and talk and laugh for the next 2 hours or so. We really were just a table of pals chatting it up over dinner, with a new pal involved. Turns out, this girl was not with the other 3 at the bar, she just met them and were insta-friended by them.
All sorts of things come up in our conversation. When I bring up off handed topics of sex, we talk of wacky places to have sex. Then she tells me that she lost her virginity twice. First was with two other girls, then a different time with a guy. We talk of the way Joey Lauren Adams character in ‘Chasing Amy’ explained concepts related to losing virginity and the differences between girl/boy sex and girl/girl sex.
This new girl fit right in with our conversations and everything went along great. I excused myself at one point after dinner to have a smoke and new girl said she was coming with me to smoke as well. While we were outside, I asked her about the hookah bars nearby. Once I learned she liked them, I told her of my hookah at my house.
She told me of her day & of her two roommates. One was a guy and the other was girl who didn’t really like each other. She told me she was a mediator between the two at times. While we were chatting outside, I asked her what she was doing the next day and she told me nothing. I mentioned going back to my place after dinner to smoke hookah and told her she was welcome to come along. She then remembered she was supposed to meet her guy roommate at a nearby bar for a few but said she would skip that since she was having fun with me and could catch up to him later.
We went back inside, had a few more drinks. My buddy had to leave early since he had an NY trip in the following morning so HBsnowboard, my chick friend and myself stayed for another round chatting and laughing. We all paid the bill, I hugged my chick friend goodbye and HBsnowboard and her exchanged “nice meeting you”s with each other.
I first was ready to shoot back to my place with HBsnowboard to smoke some hookah when she tells me that she now has to go to the nearby bar to check on her guy roommate and touch base with him…this was the same one she decided to skip meeting with earlier when it came up. She tells me this and I say nothing, I just look at her. She then then tells me I can come too if I want.
“Alright, why not. That’s a fun bar, I’ll hang for a little bit.”
Sure I could have let her go or said bye or even tried to give her address or directions to my house but I know from prior experience what happens. Her attraction drops, the rapport is temporarily forgotten and a girl will get wrapped up in a new activity. She will be wrapped in the moments and not make it to after plans. I was having fun & came along to the nearby bar she was meeting her roommate at.
HBsnowboard and I go inside. I go up to the bar ahead of her and order a diet coke. She comes up behind me and orders her drink. We chat some more for a while till she sees her guy roommate across the bar and waves to him. A minute or two later, she tells me she is going over to say hi to him. On her second step away, she tells me I should come too. I tell her ok and let her walk over there by herself. I finish my coke and watch TV for a few minutes where I was.
I do that for her to have the first few minutes with her roommate to catch up with whatever without me there yet. After a few minutes, I wander over to them, sit in the stool on the other side of her and then get introduced. I had some small talk with roommate and let them chat about whatever they were chatting about. When it died down a bit, I pick up conversation with HBsnowboard from topics we talked about earlier in the night. Once she was done with her drink, she indicated she wanted to leave the bar so we said bye to her roommate and went to the bustop to go to my place. I stilll haven’t kissed her at all.
Once we got there, I showed her different things around my place. We talked of where some of the decorating ideas came from and talked about different framed pieces on the walls. At one point while talking about a wall of framed photos, she points to a single one with a sexual theme and says to me: “I like that one”
Hearing her say this, I am watching her face as she does. When she finishes speaking I pull her close and start kissing her for first time, full make out. With many girls I kiss them the first time when we’re already back to my place. Before that it was nothing but offhanded touches in convo and hints dropped by me to them. Enough sexual tension can be built with conversation alone that timing gets to be crucial here. We made out for a few minutes in this hallway. I stopped this after a few and kept talking about the art on the walls and directed her to come with me to see another piece. This piece was in my bedroom. We talked about it for a minute then I pulled her to me again and started kissing her.
With two steps away, I moved us over and fell with her on my bed to keep making out. This went on for about 10 minutes. I was rubbing the sides of her body and rubbing the skin of her back and stomach under her shirt. Once I reached around to unhook her bra, she stopped me, sat up and told me that we just met.
I playfully pushed her back and said “I know it, cut it out.” in a playful smirk. I then stood up, took her hand and said “Come with me.” As I took her back in the living room, I put some music on. I asked if she wanted a glass of water and got her and myself one. We talked for a while and listened to music. She edged her seat on the couch to be tiny bit closer to me so I put my arm around her and started making out again. We made out for a while, and I stopped it to change the radio. I just went easily back into a completely unrelated topic every so often. Then I would bring it back to escalating again.
At one point she half jokingly told me she thought I was a gentleman, that she didn’t expect all this. I told her I never claimed to be gentle with a smirk on my face. I then told her I was attracted to her and asked her: “What’s wrong with that?” She shyly told me nothing. I told her that I didn’t think so either.
A little later I told her I wanted to give each other backrubs. I unfolded the futon and told her I wanted the backrub first. She told me she didn’t think she could do it well and I told her I was open to see what she could do.
I took off my shirt, lied down and she straddled me sitting on my ass. After a few minutes, I told her she wasn’t that good (jokingly but not joking at the same time). I then told her to get off of me so she could lie down and I show her how a backrub is supposed to feel.
She does that, and I start to rub the back of her shirt. After a minute, I tell her to take off the shirt and she does that. As soon as the shirt is off I unhook her bra. Then I rub her back for a while before moving to her sides and teasing the sides of her boobs. I also lean in really close to her, pausing rubbing her back to breath in around her neck and smell her hair so she can feel the air rushing as I can inhale her scents.
She is wearing nylons under her skirt. I go to pull her skirt down and she asks me “What are you doing?”
Rather than explain the obvious, I just tell her. “Take this off” as I press the waist of her skirt to show her what I mean. She does that. Previously doing things like that, I thought I had to continue the thread of giving a harmless backrub. Now understanding how girls think in a moment-to-moment basis, I know once she has gon along with having the skirt off, she is in a new moment with a new objective. Once she has it off, I turn her over to her back and we continue making out of a while. I am in no rush. I enjoy making out with her and I have learned that sometimes the longer amount of time between steps faces less resistance… while sometimes trying to get too many steps in succession increases the likelihood of resistance. This lets me get her really hot with lots of slow sensual touches…I enjoy this. A few more minutes go by & I then feel her hands fiddling with my belt buckle. I show her how it works and then take it off myself.
After 10 minutes or more, I go to pull her nylons down. As I just start to put my fingers under the waist band.[/private] She feels this and takes the nylons and her panties off herself
Yes badboy style (you don’t care if she stays or goes, there’s another girl right behind her), but I see it as very Alpha & Leading more than aggressive.
You are clear about showing what you want and making the moves to have it. You do this while still monitoring (just in ‘monitoring her’ in mind, don’t look as if you are waiting to see her validation to continue) her ‘reply’s’ of unspoken messages to your ‘sends’ of unspoken messages.
Her lack of showing any resistance to your lead is her signal that she doesn’t have you in the ‘No Interest’ category, so far. She is agreeable going along with her lead & feels safe in your care.
(*Ex. Definitely pull her in by her stomach/waist if she’s giving strong non-verbal signals of interest. Body language is where a girl can feel free letting you know she’s curious about you.)
Take her hand and princess twirl her, look her down (all the way to shoes) and up.
While your eyes are on their way up…. push your grin into a bright eyed smile if you are enjoying what you see.
This is showing that now that you have seen her whole package, you like what you see. So far she is pleasing to you enough for you to be dancing with her, which is a great 1-on-1 time to get to know each other better.
I might even say: “Alright.” (in the tonality) as if I just jokingly agreed to a favor for her before I pull her somewhere.
“Now lets see how you dance.” (This is letting her know she has to qualify…at least be adventerous enough to try.)
I would lead her by hand at least a few steps to a open space on the floor, and dance with her for a while. We can talk & learn tidbits about each other & get a sense of the general vibe of how we work together.
If she dances well, & follows your touching (her escalation), I might lead her again off dance floor, so we can talk so more, more in depth.
I have found monitoring is to keep the level of your showing interest to match hers, after she sees you doing this… let it sink in with a pause (not too long at a club) and bounce her back with a Hook touch her some more (to gauge her reaction) and reward her compliance to you with affection. Your affection should be gradually escalating the levels of her response.
hold eye contact with every girl, longer than her – every time.
When you see a woman that you find attractive and she looks back at you DO NOT LOOK AWAY. Hold that eye contact. That you’re bold and [private]you’re proud about the fact that you were checking her out.. She is a woman, there for you to enjoy, to look at, to talk to, to eventually touch.
For example, when you are walking by stores in a mall, you are looking directly at every woman that crosses your path. Walk into every store, look directly into her eyes of every single woman that you encounter and do not look away until after she does.
To raise your bets, as soon as she has been holding eye contact with you for a whole second, let your smile fade in with second number two. If she smiles back, start taking steps towards her, she has just invited you to come over and say hi.
Once I meet them, my eye contact says: “I am interested in learning more about you, but I am not over powered by your presence in any way. I am soaking it in.” I look directly at them in the conversation and only glance away a few times as I am speaking to remember details of what I am talking about. They have my attention for the moment. As the conversation progresses, I break the eye contact, looking away, talking to other people..allowing myself to be distracted then coming back to look directly at them. This shows I am not needy in any way (and not a psycho).
When it comes to a first date, I don’t look at them very much. I act like they are my best friend. I joke around, I have fun, I make observations of goofy things around us. We are now on a team mentality, looking at the world around us from a shared perspective. Nothing is too serious and this keeps the question in her mind “Does he like me?”
[/private]
“You won’t believe what I have in store for you!” I told her.
So once again I see the reason it’s great to maintain some contact with a girl I’ve met that I liked but didn’t go [private]very far at first. It was approx 2 years ago or so I went to a Halloween party with a chick friend of mine who also did improv at the Improv Asylum when I did.
At the party, I was introduced to a bunch of cool new people and even traded numbers with some to stay connected. I was dressed as a woman that year, so the chicks seemed to love teasing me in ways that guys tease chicks or objectify them in a playful way.
There was even more than one occasion through the night where I found it necessary to say “Hey! I am more than just a piece of meat for you to enjoy. I have deep feelings and you have to respect me for those.” Totally joking in the moment, of course, and some chicks would take it even further, continuing the thread in a way I liked. When girls grabbed my stuffed boobs I would grab their real ones in response. They just laughed.
They would have playful comments to say I was just a piece of meat or their toy for the night (which I didn’t mind at all). One girl, let’s say Anna, was acting pretty frisky and even was trying to exert some playful dominance on me. To re-remind her of the man inside the costume, I simply picked her up, her back over one of my arms, her legs draped across the other, the way a parent would carry an infant or a groom would carry his bride across the threshold of the motel room. Somebody snapped a photo of this.
Days later, several of us found & friended each other on facebook and she saw this photo so she tagged herself. We commented here & there on each other posts every once in a while, nothing too constant just little hellos.
It wasn’t until a week or two ago I posted a comment “My dance moves are ok, but show me a stripper pole & I really come alive.”
It was my joke. People could take it how they wanted but I wrote it as two unrelated concepts. I could dance ok, but if I was watching a stripper pole with a stripper on it, I would come ‘alive’, so to speak.
She simply commented “Dude, me too!” to which I went to her FB page and wrote: “I hear a dance-off starting to form. You have no idea what sort of competition you’re up against.”
She commented to my post, saying: “Stiff, no doubt.”
Thank you very much Ms. Anna, for starting the sexual undertoned comments. This is my favorite place to be, inspiring these type of comments in girls with my subtlety, then continuing the ping-pong effect.
Soon after, I then had a post on my own page from a magazine article I recently read that said that Boston had the 3rd highest IQ average in the nation. She went & asked what the first two were. They were Raleigh NC and something else, but I saw her question as a set up for a cocky joke on my part.
“What were the first two?” She asked.
“Brighton and Brighton again, both first and second place.” I replied, since Brighton is my neighborhood I wanted to subtly indicate in a joke that I was responsible for the high IQ here.
She went on to agree, then said “Coincidence? I think not…I mean assuming Allston is part of Brighton…”
With: “Coincidence? I think not…” I could see she got my joke. Once she said: “assuming Allston is a part of Brighton…” I saw that she got my joke, and if she was living in Allston, then she was installing herself into the joke, playing along at my level. I read enough interest in this to take it to the next tiny step up. I sent her a private message.
“I had no idea that we’re practically neighbors. If you weren’t such a mischief maker, I’d think we should do coffee or split appetizers & catch up n’stuff…”
In this, I acknowledged her ‘ping’ of letting me know she lived near me with my ‘pong’ of the “neighbors” in the message to let her know I got the idea. I then was suggesting we should hang out soon with a disqualifier of: “If you weren’t such a mischief maker…”
I already could read into our ping-pong comments that she wanted to hang out. By expressing a small reason why we should not, she instantly tries to overcome it. This generates a tiny bit more attraction with a sleight indication (‘we want more what we cannot have’) and is a good place to begin the momentum of a girl in pursuit of a guy, not the other way around.
So the next ‘ping’ reply she gave me was: “Precisely why we should. Mischief loves company. Or something like that…” Which is great. Rather than me asking her if she wants to hang out, I tell her a tiny silly reason why we should not, and she is the first one to actually say that we should hang out. She could guess that mischief was something I like in a girl, so she is guessing at a way to qualify herself to me, and agreeing with the sexual undertones it carries.
Now that she is the one suggesting we hang out, I can play some more with her. I tell her this: “Ok. Maybe that makes sense if we warn the other neighbors first, just in case. Do you text?”
I still indicate the “Maybe” letting her know she hasn’t won my total approval of the idea yet, keeping her working. “Warning the neighbors” was to continue the mischief theme but in the subtext. I saw I had her number from a time back that I never followed up on, I I wanted to keep her invested in this thread’s momentum so I just asked if she texts.
“Of course. Doesn’t everyone? I have no use for the phone other than texting & email & cool games & stuff.” And signed with a nickname I didn’t previously know of hers and her number. By telling me the nickname, she indicated to me a bit more rapport, so from that time on, I called her that to continue it.
I then shot her a text with my phone. “Although I don’t know what I’m getting into with you. Here is my #. ~C.J.”
Then began the texting banter. She must have been in rhyming mood, because she mentioned something about our names rhyming. That rhyme made me think of an improv game I working to be played at the improv group I regularly am a part of. I told her of it, that is was a scene with a bartender whose customer had a problem that he came in and sang about. The bartender would sing his advice, and they both had to rhyme with each other. So I told her to come to improv.
Then she asks me if they serve drinks at the venue the improv is at. I tell her they don’t but we usually go to Unos for drinks and snacks.
She shows up and participates in the improv some, which is good since I bet she thought it was just a show. When it came time to go to Unos she came right along.
At Unos, I directed her to the corner seat in the booth, then I sat next to her (not across table from her) so I could be in close touching distance. When we were talking it was easy to put my hand on her leg for a moment when I was making a point, or to be touching her regularly throughout the conversation. It was easy to be bouncing from conversation with her, which I kept at a closer face to face distance, to the conversations going around the table with my other friends. Since I saw her look to my lips a few times when we were talking so close, I just leaned in & kissed her to which she kissed back and giggled a little.
We traded stories, I told her of my lifecoaching/dreamcatching gig and she tells me that she had an unfulfilled dream.
“What is it?” I ask
“I want to strip.”
I had to tell her my joke that is true: “When I was a kid, my dad was a firefighter so I always wanted a firefighter pole in may house. Since I have grown up, I settled for a stripper pole to be at my house.
After that the easy kisses just came every so often, so I asked her if she drove that night. She told me that she does drive, but took the T since to avoid the parking. I then told her I would have hit her up for a lift home if she had her car. She started telling me of taking the T back together since both of our areas are on the same color line. Then she cut herself off and suggested we split a cab since we live relatively close with each other. I agreed and conversations of other topics came in and out.
When I stepped out to smoke a butt, an adjustment to the dynamic came to me. Different friends that were there had given me a ride home before. When I got back inside I said to Anna “Sometimes my friend gives me a lift back to my place, I wonder if it would be cheaper for you to take a cab back from my place.”
Her first reply was “Couldn’t he just give me a ride back to my place too?”
I had already though of the possibility of her thinking this so I told her. “It is much easier for me to ask for a ride for you & me back to my place than also be asking for a ride for you, a person they just met first time tonight to a whole other place…taking more time.” It was unspoken, but there is a sleight indication that by asking for this extra favor might have less of a change of being favorably granted.
Girls are great at thinking of all the possibilities in a social situation. If she was to put all the possibilities on the table then it would compare. She may like me to be splitting a cab with her, spending a little more time together. I thought of that, but it wouldn’t be as smooth to get her back to my place in those circumstances. If she denied the suggestion, I may just tell her to take the T back and I will get a ride from my friend. Of course I don’t know for sure, but I bet she considered that last possibility. She agreed that a cab back from my place would make the most sense.
Most of the ride, while she was in the back I spent most of the time during the ride, talking to my friend, making small points to her. So during the ride back, as we passed a road that a turn would lead to her place, she mentioned it this way: “Left” quietly in a playful tone. Although I didn’t know exactly where she lived, I guessed what she was getting at.
“No problem, you can take a cab back from my place.” Thankfully, my buddy didn’t interject by saying he could take her to her house. He might have not even known what she was talking about when she said “Left,” since he does know how to get to my place and thought that’s where we were going.
She said nothing else, so the conversation continued and we arrived at my apartment. I was sort of offering that my buddy comes in too, but thankfully he beat me to the punch. He said he had to run, that he had an early morning tomorrow.
So Anna and I went up to my apartment. She came in very confidently, opposed to how I do notice when girls are sometime a bit hesitant for a few when they are in a guys place their first time. They come in for the tour, settle to the environment as I offer them a drink and get them settled in a comfortable area.
She went on to be playing with my cat. I told her that I thought it was awesome that she got along so well with the cat and the cat liked her. She seemed to spend an extra minute or two playing with the cat after I said that.
She previously told me she had an unfulfilled dream of stripping some day. She had a very tight body, exercised regularly and I could see she had a palm sized ass, still beautiful hip curves. Of course I had to show her the stripper pole I have installed at my place. It has always gotten a playful reception form girls who come over for dinner parties and for other reasons.
She loved it. She started showing off her moves to which I sat back and enjoyed the show. After a few minutes, when she had done a good multi-move sexy routine, she was closer to where I was sitting with her ass in my direction. I simply put a hand on each side of her hips, pulled her down to be sitting next to me, and let the makeout begin.
Things escalated for a while, she kissed her way down my stomach to give me some head, which was actually very good. Since I did want to fuck her, I stopped her at doing this, guided her to be on her back and did some ravishing all over her body to get her more aroused.
I ran my hands and kissed, all over her body. As I was kissing her belly, my hands were up on her boobs. With a quick maneuver with my hand, I unhooked her bra (I would recommend practice on these to be very smooth). I did this while kissing, usually when done quickly and smoothly, girls hardly notice it is coming off (which they like things to be that smooth) until they feel their nipples are being played with.
We play-wrestled around on the futon, making out & playing different ways. Then in a smooth, unbutton and slide down, her pants came off. While kissing her below, she had moans of pleasure but still was gently and playfully resisting and laughing.
She was enjoying what she was feeling, yet didn’t want to surrender to me yet I could tell. I could feel that in her, and wasn’t bothered so I kept repositioning us in different ways through our wrestling, both of us laughing.
Probably to avoid the slut-label girls often think they need to avoid during a first night encounter like this. She pulled her pants back up. Once I first detected this, I took the control. Taking the waistband of her pants, I pulled them all the way up, rezipped and rebuttoned them while saying “Whoa missy, as much as I am attracted to you, we are going way too fast.”
By seizing her hesitation to be my hesitation, I now had more of the control of it. When I resparked sexy-time further, it is more as if her sexy moves had me to reconsider my choice of slowing things down, in a subtle way. Even when she was on top of me and things got hotter and heavier in both of us, she went to stand up for a moment. That is fine, she can let those feelings of me touching her to soak in & her feeling her arousal without me touching her for a moment, building desire in her.
Rather than try to keep things in a state of continuation, I laid my head back and mostly closed my eyes. I was just enjoying her for the moment, we were making out and escalating so now that it paused, I just sat back and enjoyed what was previously going on. Instead of glaring at her in anticipation for more escalation, I was just comfortable. Sure I had my eyes closed but one squinted every so often so I could see what she was doing. That way she didn’t feel like she had my full attention, eagerly awaiting her next move. If things were to end for the night at that point, I was fine. I could see her watching me expectantly, then she picked up a huge carnival stuffed dog of the floor & in a silly way she first pressed it to my chest where I was reclined a bit.
As I opened my eyes and looked at her she let herself down to be on top of me with the stuffed dog between us. (Weird barrier) Then the kissing began again with me pulling out the stuffed animal and we play-wrestled again, letting things escalate further. Then I was the one stopping things, mentioning that I had to get up early tomorrow so we should call her a cab.
She agreed, so I looked up cab companies online & selected one to call. Since she was sitting next to me, while I was waiting for someone to answer, I put my hand on Anna’s back and guided her down to be giving me head again. I heard the taxi guy answer but was a little distracted so I disconnected. She was pretty passionate and enthusiastically going down on me, it was late so I let her finish me to orgasm. I kissed her & told her she did awesome. She told me she had to work the next morning so I picked up the phone to call the cab again, this time giving the guy the addresses.[/private]
…of others is knowing that it is not an exact science, it is just more of a hint.
Many times people will define a person with crossed arms, across their chest as defensive and cautious and many times this can be the case. However, it is not always a definite. They may be [private]cold or pensive or feeling like doing that for a number of other reasons.
The key to understanding common reasons people display certain body language cues is to understand the defined reason as a possibility, still looking for other cues to indicate the accuracy of your guess.
It also is helpful when you see several body language cues all meaning a similar state. The more of them you see, the likelihood is better of you able to read their mood or state of mind in different situations.
The other side of that coin is that by understanding body language, you are better able to communicate non-verbally by directing your body language with the messages you want to send.
It would be best to understand some basics to give you an outline, then understanding variations and more elaborate collections of cues.
Direct eye contact, since the dawn of history has been an indicator of interest and liking of another person. Of course a person in argument will have a similar level of directness to their eye contact, the other clues will explain the difference. If you look at the eyes, around them, how they sit, you can see a ‘smiling eye’ that tells you a bit more of a person’s sincerity to their liking.
Leaning forward towards you is a good indicator of rapport an interest. Once you see another person mirroring some of your gestures or picking up their drink when you pick up yours is again an even higher volume of this rapport and interest in you.
While some people who are actively engaged and listening to what you are saying may be nodding their head, if you see this nodding to be a little hurried, that usually means they are feeling a desire for the topic to be finished or for you to have finished speaking.
Many people will sit with their legs apart when they feel safe and self confident. A woman facing a man she is speaking with will sit this way unconsciously showing her feelings of safety and sexual interest, no guarding herself needed with the man.
When people are showing their open palms during a conversation, this usually is showing trust and interest in the other person’s opinions. When done when sharing opinions, it is generally a signal to their openness to hearing the other person’s point of view. It is very welcoming to see and will cause the other person to feel more open about sharing as well.
With eye contact, there are different levels of gazing and staring. The differences in how a person gazes at another can often tell what they’re thinking.
Women often use the sideways glance as a first signal of romantic interest. Because it is subtle and sly, this allows her to flirt without being obvious. Even if a woman may boldly stare at a guy she has interest in, she will demurely lower her head (to show safety in submitting to him) and tilt her head away from his. By having this available to her, she can hide her explicit flirt with and indication of coy shyness. If she has a prolonged glance over at you, this is a whole new story to unveil.
than anything hiding under the coyness of a shy frame. This is more of an indication of someone who wants to get right down to business. Usually this eye contact held so steady by a woman is an indication of sexual attraction or pure lust. Some girls, less bold but still interested, may give a direct gaze broken up with looks away and returns. At this point, her eye contact is intermittent yet still repetitive. If her gaze lingers on you in the middle of a conversation rather than during the introduction, this may just be showing her interest in the topic you are sharing.
Then closing ratio skyrockets when you get their [private] eyes locked on you before you even approach in the first place.
Girls are attracted and drawn to the alpha look with strong body language.
They can see high self confidence, high self esteem and social status.
They can easily see the leader of a group who is a challenge. This challenge creates intrigue. Be an experienced playa, intelligent and passionate with a lack of insecurity.
You can go through all of your ways, never seeking approval. That can be detected when you have high standards and credibility. [/private]
“I remember a time when u made me cum, missionary! I couldnt beleive it! Owww! It was something about the way we moved, the shape of ur #! Good times….. Xo”
It has nothing to do with the shape of anything. It was the fact that when a man treats a woman’s body like a finely tuned instrument, magic can happen.
See the posts under category ‘sexy-time’ if you want some tips of how to do this.
A little warm-up before going out on a clubbing night keeps the social wheels well lubed. Open some random people to get the momentum going & maybe you can hook a pivot girl for the night…[private]
Meeting two buddies at Fanueil Hall and we worked our way down the aisle. I need to take a squirt so we went looking for a Bathroom.
Outside of the entry door to the market place was a menu for the restaurant just inside. As we walked closer I saw the girl reading the menu by herself. One of the things we all learned is opening everybody no matter what… just to keep it as habit.
Without seeing her face yet, she could be stump-ugly for all I knew, so I just spun up next to her and started talking: “seen anything good, so far.” Now the thing is I just started talking before either of us saw each other’s face or eye contact or anything.
Before this, I saw she was petite, she had a good top of long blonde hair, and was dressed in fun looking contemp hip cloths. So yes that is what I qualified on up to this point, but there was no 3 second rule, no chance for either of us to start prejudging anything, just talk was going and our opinions would form at the rate of our dialog…
She turns around, turns out to be pretty cute. “Well, yeah it all looks good. Do they serve beer here?” She asks me.
“I would think so..”
“I guess yes, this is Mass, restaurants here can all can serve beer right?” Now that I hear she is from out of town, its time to cut the ‘menu’ thread.
“Oh yeah, where you from?” I ask
“Florida.” Which led to some common ground dialog for us, since I lived in Florida before. She lives in a completely different area but enough to get chatting about..
Listening to bits and pieces of why she is here, we chat it up for few. I saw her alone at the sign and now find out from out of town. On mini Vacation by herself? You know what that means!!! Girls get the Vegas vibe on any vacation. {‘What happens in Mass stays in Mass’ is gonna be going through a FL chick’s head at this point}
“What are you doing? Can I buy you a beer?” she asks.
I tell her: “Yeah. get us a table and order me a diet coke. I can stay for a few minutes..so I’ll be right back.” I hit the the bathroom and find my buds. I tell them I’ll need a few minutes and I’ll reconnect after this girl.
So spike her attraction, mostly listening, watching her talk while scanning her face. Watching her eyes, she sees me scan across her neck, up to her ears. I alternate looking at each of her eyes then down to her lips then to her eyes as I lick my lips, still just listening.
Keeping her talking was just about asking questions about her pleasurable subjects and interrupting her stories of bad things with unrelated random questions of good things. I want her to relate this time to good thoughts, happy thoughts.
We split a plate of some vegetable fra Diavlo and when I bring up the club I’m headed to, she says she wants to go but only has sneakers…
So I ask how long she is in MA for(couple days), then tell her of the next day’s club having the same dress code, so she gives me her number and tells me she’ll get the new shoes she saw that day… now that she has an excuse.., I give her a pinky promise to call & then a hug (at which she pecks my cheek)
My main point of this one, is how easy it is to roll when you don’t even see her much before you start talking. You don’t anticipate anything, she doesn’t either…you both come in talking and things roll as they do, easily.
Sure its like this: If you get talking and she is the type you are looking for: 10+ with an 11 personality(lol), then great, but if not that is great too. She will either be a friend, pivot or she was good practice to keep your momentum going.
An important factor to decoding body language of others is knowing that it is not an exact science, it is just more of a hint or series of hints. Many times people will define a person with crossed arms, across their chest as defensive and cautious and many times this may be the case. However, it is not always a definite. They may be cold or pensive or feeling like doing that for a number of other reasons.
[private]
The key to understanding common reasons people display certain body language cues is to understand the defined reason as a possibility, still looking for other cues to indicate the accuracy of your guess. It also is helpful when you see several body language cues all meaning a similar state. The more of them you see, the likelihood is better of you able to read their mood or state of mind in different situations.
The other side of that coin is that by understanding body language, you are better able to communicate non-verbally by directing your body language with the messages you want to send.
It would be best to understand some basics to give you an outline, then understanding variations and more elaborate collections of cues. Direct eye contact, since the dawn of history has been an indicator of interest and liking of another person. Of course a person in argument will have a similar level of directness to their eye contact; the other clues will explain the difference. If you look at the eyes, around them, how they sit, you can see a ‘smiling eye’ that tells you a bit more of a person’s sincerity to their liking of what they are looking at.
Seeing her leaning forward towards you is a good indicator of rapport an interest. Once you see another person mirroring some of your gestures or picking up their drink when you pick up yours is again an even higher volume of this rapport and interest in you. While some people who are actively engaged and listening to what you are saying may be nodding their head to show interest. If you see this nodding to be a little hurried, that usually means they are feeling a desire for the topic to be finished or for you to have finished speaking.
Many people will sit with their legs apart when they feel safe and self confident. A woman facing a man she is speaking with will sit this way unconsciously showing her feelings of safety and sexual interest, no guarding needed with the man.
When people are showing their open palms during a conversation, this usually is showing trust and interest in the other person’s opinions. When done when sharing opinions, it is generally a signal to their openness to hearing the other person’s point of view. It is very welcoming to see and will cause the other person to feel more open about sharing as well.
With eye contact, there are different levels of gazing and staring. The differences in how a person gazes at another can often tell what they’re thinking. Women often use the sideways glance as a first signal of romantic interest. Because it is subtle and sly, this allows her to flirt without being obvious. Even if a woman may boldly stare at a guy she has interest in, she will demurely lower her head (to show safety in submitting to him) and tilt her head away from his. By having this available to her, she can hide her explicit flirt with and her indication of coy shyness. If she has a prolonged glance over at you, this is a whole new story to unveil.
A prolonged glance is more overt than anything hiding under the coyness of a shy frame. This is more of an indication of someone who wants to get right down to business. Usually this eye contact held so steady by a woman is an indication of sexual attraction or pure lust. Some girls, less bold but still interested, may give a direct gaze broken up with looks away and returns the gaze back at you. At this point, her eye contact is intermittent yet still repetitive. (If her gaze lingers on you in the middle of a conversation rather than during the introduction, this may just be showing her interest in the topic you are sharing.)[/private]
Somebody recently was asking me about what signals to look for to let them know that a girl they have just met is interested in them.
There actually are hundreds but the good news is is that they’re all very related in a way of each other. This way when you see something similar you can pretty much read it the same way. Let me start you off with some examples that have been with a girl you first meet.
Does she ask your name? That right there is showing that from whatever has happened between you two up until this point has her interested enough to want [private] to know more.
Does she touch you when she’s talking? Girls don’t touch every man they speak with, so this can pretty much tell you that she sees a green light with friendly affection.
Often when girls see a guy they are interested in they will instantly start to fix their hair or putting themselves in some way. Even though it is pretty blatant, you will often see a girl putting on lip gloss or Chap stick when she catches sight of a guy she’s into.
When a girl is talking to a man she’s interested in, she first will face the man she’s speaking with. After the actual start turn her whole body. By seeing this, I recommend you start to do the same and turn your body to face her as well.
If you’re standing among a group of people in a venue and you see her look up at you for no apparent reason, I think it’s a safe bet she has you on her mind.
After conversation is running along & I see her attraction is raised enough to start investing more into the conversation, she tilts the topic to be rambling on about trivial complaints she has.
“Why don’t you keep your mouth shut?” I ask her with a[private] playful smirk. She looks at me with disbelief that I just said that.
“What?” She asks, I guess to see if I will say it again. I said it, she heard it, time to move on.
Instead I just start rambling about a silly topic:
“I heard they’re gonna open a strip mall at Chili’s. Two-for-one appetizers. I’m going to get pizza pockets. And you get the spinach artichoke dip.”
I play mock her voice: “I’m going to get chicken fingers.’’
“ But you’re already getting a chicken Caesar salad.” I tell her in my own voice.
“Ya, but, they’re two different kinds of chicken.” I mock her voice again. She is laughing. I just wanted to change the subject so I ask her: “Have you tried the Ethiopian food in Central Square?”
When she tells me she hasn’t I go into describing how fun it is then I tell her. “I haven’t been there in a while. I’ll go with you, maybe next week & I can teach you what I know so far.”
…that she is interested and then it is time to start qualifying her.
By her asking you qualifying questions, this is a subtle signal of [private]interest in itself.
To answer her questions through jokes and sarcasm will keep you an uncovered mystery she wants to know more about, but she will still answer the same questions she has just asked you. [/private]
[private]“Hey knucklehead, show’s over here, thank you very much.” There is great value in creating and maintaining curiosity in the girl about you. This is part of starting, building and maintaining the momentum of her chasing you, in pursuit of you. Fact of the matter is, is that both the girl and the guy are truly happier this way. A girl has been pursued her whole life, since she hit puberty. Guys have been pursuing women since puberty too. She actually feels refreshed when she is pursuing the attentions of a man, and vice-versa. A point recently brought up that is an excellent factor in this is maintaining her curiosity about you. An example is the ‘open loop’ factor. By opening a curious thread, then marking it and saving it for later will leave her curious to know more from you. Here, like this: Let say we are talking about a random topic. I may interject the topic with a statement like this. “By the way, I’ve noticed something about you. I’ll tell you about that in one moment, but before I do…” Then I continue what we were talking about before I interjected that point. Now here curiosity is left open, like an open loop. On some of these she may not need to know th rest where you can bring it up later, but best bet, since it is about her, she will have this question ringing in her head quite a bit. She may let the current topic finish out, but often, since it is about her, she will try to cut things off and get you to tell her the rest. Now you have a sweet spot. You can continue to tease her, holding off the answer, treating her like your little sister that wants that last candy bar you got. You can continue to redirect back to the original topic, trying to keep her actively engaged & participating, even though the open loop will be ringing in her head. Based on her persistence, I may praise her “I like a girl who knows what she wants and actively pursues it until she gets it.” There is some subtext, some underlying meaning to making that statement to her. As she gets frustrated you can hug across her shoulders as if you are jokingly consoling her frustration. “Patience, sweetheart, best things come to those who are patient.” If you can alternate your reasons and format of putting her off, you can gauge when a good time to close the loop would be, to tell her the rest of the idea. As with other kinds of beneficial teasing, as long as you can hold her off, it will be a playful spot holding her want of some thing from you. This also is subtly showing her that you are a teasing like person and will keep her wanting more in other, more intimate situations.[/private]
I see a lot of guys asking questions about how it can be and how it is so easy to just kiss a girl. In the same way as many of the other things I’ve told you about, this begins with the momentum started and then[private] built upon. If you can keep touching and easy-going affection to be regular from the get go, then the case ends up being no problem at all.
When I meet new people, new girls during conversation I am actively touching them. I may make a point and touch them briefly on the arm.
If you look how many European people are very touchy throughout the conversation, you’ll understand that it’s not as big a deal as many guys assume.
Even if she says or does something playfully mischievous, I may a lightly whacked her arm or honk her nose. After some time to the conversation with me randomly touching her to make points, the actual act of us touching each other is no big deal. It’s easy-going, without any pressure, just like old friends would act.
Without having this from the get-go, many guys find that leaning in for a kiss is such a big move, a big jump. It would be this way unless you’ve been touching her all throughout your interaction so touching and your closeness is no big deal, you’ll find it’s much easier to have that point when leaning and just a little bit closer is very very easy.
In another bit I will cover is the ways to build up her sexual tension enough so that she is very much craving your kiss, but before that I want to express that if you’re touching and easy-going affection is no big deal, it’s a much smaller jump when you want to kiss her.
Touch her, touch her, touch her. Friendly affections is so easygoing when you start right at the beginning. While your talking, touch her arm when you are making a point. Touch her back when you are making a point.
When you guys are crossing the street together, put your hand on her lower back. This will give her feelings of safety and comfort, jus tin your touch alone. When you are entering a new venue or walking through a crowded one, put your hand on her lower back to guide her. This gives girls a very comfortable feeling of being protected and looked out for.
If I see a girl with a heavy sweatshirt in an indoor venue that’s not cold, I may tease her and make fun of her in a playful way that she is overdressed. Right after this, I may pull her sweatshirt zipper down a few inches, teasingly. On more than one occasion I see a girl will decide it isn’t cold and take the sweatshirt off to be more comfortable.
as if you known her longer. You both will feel it and a little lean in to be talking close will not be awkward nor too much of a surprise for her to deny you about.
Not having a guy orgasm (yet) during a sexual encounter does leave a heavy open loop in a girl. All the girl talk I grew up with hearing & still hear from chick-friends, tells me a huge satisfaction to a girls sexual experience is when the guy orgasms. They feel a major part is missing. Girls grow up yearning to please people, especially the guy they are with.
By continuously holding off my own orgasm, I usually use this loop in a single night to keep her coming back to me wanting more over and over again – allowing me to bring her to higher and higher orgasms with each attempt she has to try & make me come.
This creates a reward pattern of her coming to me sexually, wanting me regularly. Also with having the opportunity to bring her to major heights in climax that she may have never had before or definitely isn’t used to, that will stay on her mind and have her back for more repeatedly.
Learning through practice (yes it does take practice to not give in, but it is SO worth it), the discipline to hold yourself off from orgasm can be incredibly valuable.
A huge part of being able to make that happen, like other sexual magic, all starts in a girls mind & emotions before anything else….and carrying everything else along its way.
One thing I found that works with any girl to increase the volume of their magical moment, and also maintains the momentum of getting her to be chasing you, even sexually, starts with that discipline I just mentioned.
I like to tease a girl until she is begging to have me inside of her. Like many parts of her in pursuit of the guy, it is both satisfying for the girl & the guy. I love to hear a girl begging for my cock to be inside of her and to hear her begging for more all along the way.
Previously, I have written posts about a slow teasing pattern that works in oral sex on a girl, so this one is about intercourse teasing.
To lay out the groundwork, I can start explaining from the point when you both are naked. Let’s say she is naked and lying on her back, she is ready to take you inside of her. You are naked and perched above her.
Use this moment to your advantage, do not put your cock in yet. Take the tip of it and rub all around her vaginal lips, down one side then up the other. Tracing circles and patterns around her clitoris with the tip makes her feel all sorts of different feelings.
Maybe you go to making out a little bit along with this, then brush across those vaginal lips from side to side with just the tip of your cock.
I do this, I ask: “Does that feel good?” She always says ‘yes’
At this point I still will not enter her at all; I am now playing all around her vagina just with the tip of my cock. This is getting her very aroused, wet and super turned on with desire for more. From everything she knows about sex from past experiences, this is the time that she knows she would normally have a cock inside of her already, but it hasn’t happened yet. She wants it more because of this.
As I said, most of the magic a girl will feel starts in her mind and her emotions, so I playfully talk to her this whole time. I tell her that she feels good to me, that she is so wet, that she feels hot (the touching my tip can feel); I feel the heat of her pussy.
Since I know what main thought is on her mind, I capture that and tell her “I want to feel inside you so bad.” She will be thinking: (Me too, Now do it already!!)
Sometimes a girl will say right away “Then put it in!” or “Me too.”, something on that same idea. I still do not penetrate her yet. Even though she just said that to me, I will still ask her “Do you want me to?”
She’ll say yes & I say “Then say ‘please’.” This whole time I am still tickling her pussy with the tip of my cock. Sometimes she will try to get it easy and just say “Please” but that still isn’t enough.
“No Hun, tell me to put my cock in you please” as I am still tickling and teasing her with the tip of my cock. Up and down both sides of her vaginal lips, across them back and forth and the tip even between her lips, feeling her wetness but not inserted at all. I keep doing this while kissing her neck sometimes until she says what I asked her to say.
Once she says what I asked her to say: “C.J. Please put your cock in me.” I will put about ½ of an inch in. This 1/2 inch is going in and out, sometimes rubbing up and down her lips but only this ½ inch, rubbing her wetness all over the sides of her lips too.
“Ok, but just a little bit.” I tell her. (“A game called ‘just the tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels.” ~WC) She will feel this wetness on more area of her vagina; the coolness of the air where she is wet will let her feel her wetness more, turning her on even more. I will do this for a little while since the longer you can do this the more desire for a cock to be in her will totally increase.
Every minute you are teasing is cranking up her desire enormously.
After a few minutes of this I will ask her “Does that feel good?” Which she will tell me: “Yes.” I confirm her ‘yes’ by telling her “So good” which she very much likes to hear. Then I will ask her “Do you want me to be inside of you more…deeper?”
If she just says: “Yes” I will tell her again: “Then ask me.”
If she just asks without the please, once again I will tell her to say the whole sentence, adding ‘please’ to it. She usually will be letting herself ask in moans of pleasure: “Go deeper, please.”
Once she complies with my request to ask a certain way, I will comply with her request to go a little deeper. Still this time I will enter her more but only a whole inch of my cock will enter her. The in and out motion, but of only the first inch of the cock, that’s it. I will put in an inch for a bit, take it completely out so it rubs her front lips a lot, this is affecting her clitoris, then back in her.
“That’s all for now.” I will go back to rubbing up and down the lips, only putting my cock an inch in, then taking it back out.
Rubbing up and down her lips and across, side to side, is making vibrations that will be tickling her clitoris while indicating the possibility of the whole cock in her which she wants so much more at this point. The longer this is done, the more this will increase her desire, AND increasing her climax when she finally gets it.
With this being said to her, and the holding back, spoken and physical teasing is what engages her mind and emotions to be on the same wavelength as her body, increasing what her body feels. Every time you pull completely out, and hold outside of her for a moment or two, she is feeling the sensations she just felt with a cock in her as pleasure but now those feelings are fading.
She likes those feelings & she wants more. Not only is this significantly turning the volume way up on her desire, it is revealing a man with great discipline which she will be very attractive to her. She has had plenty of experience with men who want her and want sex with her and want to be fully inserted and pounding away. Many guys want to jackhammer her, spoo on her belly and pass out.
From her experience with men who want to get her to bed and get right down to business right away, by doing this has you sticking out in her mind already. Then when the sexy-time is over, even days later she will be daydreaming, recalling the encounter, wanting more. I have had girls tell me this idea in different ways on numerous occasions. (I still have ex’s message me sexy thoughts and tell me of ‘last nights dream’ every so often)
So for each step, I ask her if she wants more, I get her in the habit of asking me with ‘please’. As her desire grows she will start asking the whole request on her own just because I showed her what she needs to do to get more but I still hold off for a while with only 1 & ½ inches in her. She just learned what will get her more of what she wants right now; her desire is up so high she will start emphatically begging.
Each time you can hold off. As she is asking for more on her own, you can hold off longer & she will ask over and over, it will get her sexually begging. This is a place both the guy and the girl are happier and getting more fulfillment. She is getting positive results from her actions you directed her to which is a reward. It showed her that her behavior is rewarding her. By seeing that: when she does what you want, she gets what she wants, she remembers this.
As you slowly progress going deeper in ½ inch increments, you will see her moving her body in ways to get you deeper. She may even wrap her lags around your hips to pull you in. The more you can hold off, even resisting these moves with your strength; she will try harder and try different ways, till the sex becomes a play wrestling game.
I will continuously remind her: “Not yet honey” if she tries to pull me in without asking. She is asking in a voice of desperation, wanting cock in her, and making moves to get more. This is a fantastic momentum to be in and maintained as long as you can. The longer you can hold each step to be, before advancing to the next one will be building up her desire like steam under pressure.
The longer you hold off, the larger her orgasm will be too. By small increments of more, continued in that way for as long as possible builds this pressure up. Each step is a mere 1/2 more held at that level as log as possible… slowly giving her what she is wanting. Her desire increases with each step.
Once you do get to that place where you are all the way inside of her, pelvis to pelvis, I would not just start the in-and-out, jackhammer routine. By staying inside her all the way, if you can tilt your pelvis in a rocking motion over hers (tilting forward & back), you will be stimulating her clitoris with a whole cock inside of her. Also when your pelvis pivots down, it aims your cock up to her G-spot, very nice. This doesn’t normally happen from regular sex.
If every guy she has ever been with has given her only the jackhammer routine (which most do, so I hear), sure it feels good for her to a point, but not as much as with feelings like this. This is 3 different forms of stimulation at the same time for her. As women can have 9 different types of orgasms to our 2, by combining a few of their types will make a larger orgasm (clitoral, depth & g-spot sensations simultaneously).
To keep variety of sensations for her, even in the rocking, I will take my cock completely out of her. I then will pause for a moment or two while I am kissing her to let the feelings she just had in her pussy sink in and her desire to rise again. Sometimes coming completely out of her, then back in. This will alternate the feelings of cock deep inside of her with touching cock to the lips that will jiggle her clitoris a bit (I have heard grapevine talk from friends of girls I hooked up with that mentioned this ‘completely out’ part has magic on its own), then do a pivot to stimulate her G-spot.
Alternating these sensations for her will give her an orgasm on a wider, larger level. When the cock is out and playing with her lips I will use it like a finger, making circles around her clitoris.
Then other times I take the cock completely out of her to pause, then I just play with her lips with the tip of my cock as I did before. Again this is going to be tickling her clitoris, and teasing her to want your cock inside of her even more since she just had those feelings and wants them again.
Although other things can be done with a girlfriend that is more comfortable on the trust level and all of that, I have found this to bring a girl to orgasm almost every time, even with a first night encounter (SNL) with a girl.
There has been more than one girl who has told me that she only can come when she gets oral or girls that have said they only come when they are on top. In both of these types of situations, I have brought them to orgasm in a way they didn’t know was possible for them – missionary position with me on top. Although it may not be my favorite position for sex, I do know there is something very fulfilling for her in another sense, in addition to stimulation, from face to face intercourse with her on the bottom.
[/private]
After a few minutes go went by, and you see she is engaged in talking to you & completely facing you, you can stop[private] bantering and start letting her know who you really are.
I see many guys continuing on in the major excitement and attraction type talk well after they have her well interested.
I think most guys do this because the behavior causes girls to show how attractive they are and this can be quite intoxicating to be receiving this kind of attention. The thing is, once you see the interest engaged you definitely need to start building some lasting rapport.
You can always come back to the fun stuff in a little bit. Start talking about points in your real life, challenges you are really facing, about the embarrassment at your last family function. If you hear her mention parts about her family or growing up, ask for more details of the real stuff. These type of topics lead to real connection that is easy to bring back in other conversations later.[/private]
“I’ve got the greatest idea, we’re gonna love it.”
And ways to surprise her. Girls love playful surprises.
Girls love fun surprises and they love for guys to have all the details covered without asking them for ideas, then they can come along and just have a good time without her worrying if you’ll like her idea.
Team mentality or couple-hood dates are good. Ones where you are doing things together (not movies, no convo or playful flirting can happen all 2 hours of it.)
smiling, open palms, slight forward lean, direct body orientation towards you,nodding her head, touching you, making original points of hers related to what you are talking about…
As far as it goes. You will get the hang of reading girl-cues and it will serve you wonders like a magic code.They are key in the whole open to lay process.
You learn starter, openers, but you gotta be ‘EYE-OPEN’ to these cues. Its like a hidden language that once you learn to read it, you learn to send it & they respond to yours better than anything you can say.
So I went out and met up with my NY buddy. He’s great to hang with, great conversationalist, and he lets me push him in or pull him into sets.
Just to increase the number of sets I open, I tried to do the: ‘Give $200 to your buddy who pays you $20 each time you open.’ This was great because it took ‘my pre-judgement of sets’ out of the equation. I didn’t care (as much) what the girl looked like, I was just running routine to get my 20 bucks.!
(I thought it was weird at first, but Dave would come up to me mid set and say: “Here’s that $20 I owe ya.” so I could just intro him in.)
Well that is the mindset. I would have my goal as I entered as $20, but of course I would stay in good sets, eject from the not-so, and make a few regular chick-friends in the process.
One of the last stops we made was where the Christian Science building is. Behind it there is a circle of water shooters all pointed to the center. As Dave and I walked up, I scanned the people sitting around it on the surrounding wall.
As we came in and looked at it, talked about the kids running through it, I turned to a blonde (who is behind me, since that is why I chose to stop walking here) sitting in the the sun and asked “Almost ready to run through?” I asked her. She laughed and said ”no way,”
“Okay good” as I start to empty my pockets into my backpack. “We need you to watch this stuff as we run through.” meaning Dave and myself. There was another brunette sitting about 10 feet away on the other side of the blonde. They don’t know each other, just two separate girls as far as I know, so far.
As the blond and I were talking and I see the brunette behind blonde, looking at me as I was speaking to the blonde, so I start to smile to the brunette every so often while I’m talking.
Then me and Dave run through the fountains, horse around with some of the kids playing, then make it back to the wall and somewhat dry off.
I have a new Iron Maiden shirt in my back pack so I can change out of my button down to put on a dry shirt. I re-open the conversation with the blond to take a picture of Dave and me. Then to show her how to use the camera I take a picture of her and Dave. Then she takes our picture and I get an idea:
I open the brunette by asking her to take a picture of Dave, me, and Blonde. I almost looked for another set to merge, but this felt good so far.
The brunette went back to her place by herself. While us 3 are chatting… just random comments between Dave, Blonde and myself.
At one point I ask the brunette if she’s ready to run through. When she says no I just swat my hand in her direction as if she’s no fun. “Forget you then..” I say in smiles to her but turn to Dave and the blond who are just chilling at this point to resume with them. At this point Dave is laying back and blonde is in her iPod.
While I sat down & looked next to me at blond and saw her pull the iPod earphone out of her ear as if I was talking and she couldn’t hear. I wasn’t saying anything yet but just took the cue and started rambling about the fountain.
In learning that she was a pharmacist and had a long day of training from her pharmacy, it was cool and all but I wasn’t hooked yet. I did see brunette looking over every once in a while, so the first little attention fade blonde gave me, I rolled off, stood up walked a few steps to the brunette and opened her.
Now this 2nd girl was great. First I saw how eager she was to my open after rolling out of the other set. Turns out although she was a little less stereotype good looking as the blond could be pegged for, this brunette really caught my attention, was more interesting and we had some good commonalities.
I told her how “I was going to stop last second and let Dave run it by himself, but as I got closer …it actually looks like a lot of fun”
We small talked until I heard. I gave her a ‘what should he do’ story. She was giving answers of: “I don’t know that could be tricky…”
I started to turn away a little bit, then turned back as I thought of something: “You know I would’ve agreed with you but one point my buddy brought up was how people expect opportunity to land in their lap, but a lot of times it lands just near by (as I am signaling towards the other side of the blond where I was sitting) and you just have to notice it to seize it.” as I motion to myself.
She nodded yes then asked me “What do you do?” I gave her some jokes, then told her being a (my name) is a full time job. I told her of moving here and some places where I’ve lived. She lived in a different part of the cape as I did, but we agreed on factors of it. She then jumped from there telling me what she does. I think she was excited to share it, who wouldn’t be…
“What?!, Your a Dolphin trainer?? I can’t hang out with you, I do Improv and you’ll always be trying to upstage me with your fish.” I started to get up as If I was really leaving because of this. Not stand but turn my body and put my feet like I was, while straightening up.
“From Falmouth to Boston, eh?” I laughed.
“What part of the cape did you live in,”She asked. Love it! She reinvests herself with something to get me talking. I start to tell her then cut myself off. “I wasn’t sure at first, but you seem like you have a cool energy, MIGHT make a good friend….” I just look perplexed at her like I’m trying to size her up right now and as if she is supposed to reply.
She shifts a bit in her seat. “Its a shame Dave and I have to go, my swing dance class starts soon…” I pause an look as if I am thinking something over. ..
“Alright (in agreeing tone) do you have a cell phone?” Its next to her, she shows me. I take it from her to punch in my number, “I’ll give you my number, since my phone is all the way over there.”I point to my backpack.she takes it back to put it on: ‘new contact.’ .
“Yeah, but I won’t call you.” at least she’s honest. “Ok then lets do this,” (as if it was any different that what I was already going to do.)
“I’ll call your number through, and tell my voicemail what your like so far.” So I do call it through and describe her in the most teasing way with what I knew about her. “Here is *****’s number. Adventurous enough to swim with dolphins, but too ‘scaredy-cat’ to run through the sprinkler, figure that out.”
As I get up I tell her I’ll call her tomorrow since my weekend gets crazy. “Maybe you can come along, or we’ll grab lunch next week.”
Funny thing was. As I walked to get my bag where Dave was sitting (he still hadn’t plowed on with blondie, she was a bit too reserved conversationally) and it was the first time I saw how it was okay to number close two girls in sight of each other. ”You seem like you’d be kinda cool if we picked this up on day you haven’t had 8 hours of training. You better give me your number if you want to pick this up another day…”
“Yeah it was long.” She tells me, so I take out my cell.
“What is it?” and she gave me her number.
Look. I don’t know if either of them are going to be my type of girl, I don’t know them well enough, but I probably wont call the blonde. She was boring, and I only asked # to see what she would say. I was curious to how strong that jealousy thing inside of girls does work. I’m sure it works different with different girls.
These were two 1 sets we merged, and Dave wasn’t playing.
Blonde didn’t make it to want to call her again, & we’ll see how dolphin chick makes it in the next round.
