We’re waiting on you. Everyone else is waiting on us. Therefore, by the Transitive Property of Equality, everyone is waiting on you.
Rule 1: Have your shit together. Not only will following Rule 1 get you served quicker in a bar, [private]it’s a good general rule to adopt in life and is especially helpful in Central American border crossing scenarios.
Don’t Whistle
This is an absolute No-No! You whistle at dogs, not people.
Don’t Wave money
Oh, you’ve got a dollar!! I’ll be right over!! Hopefully I won’t break an ankle in my fevered rush to get you your “curz lite.” Well, at least you’re not breaking the next rule.
Don’t yell out the bartender’s first name
There’s something deeply psychologically disturbing about hearing your name called out, turning around and seeing a complete stranger. That’s one of the reasons strippers use stage names. Bartenders should too.
Don’t Say “make it strong!” or “put a lot of liquor in it”
Oh, you’re one of the rare drinkers that like their drink strong! When you say this, you’re assuming I make weak drinks (which is insulting) and you’re assuming that I’ll stiffen this one up for my new best buddy, you. This is the best way to get a weak drink.
Don’t give the ever-expanding drink order
You want a Bud…I’ll go get it. I come back and now you want a margarita. Okay, no prob. I come back, and (oh yeah!) now you want a shot of tequila, too. You really could have told us this all at once. See Rule 1.
Don’t pull the redirect (or the bait ‘n’ switch)
Usually used after the money wave or the whistle, this is when the gentlemen passes his turn to the lady behind him. Yeah, um, don’t do that, okay? Chances are she’s not ready, and your weak attempt at chivalry just cost you your turn. See you in 30 minutes.
Don’t try the confused, lost look
This is usually accompanied by the question “What kind of beer y’all got?” while looking at all the beers we have. You did know you were in a bar, right? You didn’t just appear here, did you? Refer to Rule 1.
(I’d like to add that the people who make you list every beer, usually end up just ordering a bud, making you want to punch them in the throat all that much more.)
Don’t order high maintenance shooters
Example: “Lemme get an Alabama Slammer, a Red Snapper, two kamikazes, a buttery nipple and a lemon drop.” Usually followed by a small tip. People, these shooters are fine by themselves, but there are multiple steps involved with each one. Translation: Time sink. You may get them this time, but you’ll probably be waited on last the next time we see your face. Here’s a clue as to whether or not you’re high maintenance; if two bartenders are working and they see you, and they flip a coin and the loser comes over to take your order, pretty good chance you’re high maintenance.
Don’t assume we know you’re in the band
We know, we know, you’re gonna be really famous, but you’re not there yet, tiger. Tell us you’re in the band and which band you’re in. By the way, if you are in a band and get free/reduced drink prices, feel free to tip, as some bartenders are also in bands! It’s not like we don’t know how it is. Oh, and our bands will smoke your band.
Don’t assume we know you period
Unless, you’ve followed the first “Do” rule below, we don’t remember you. You are one of a thousand faces for us, and when you point at an empty glass or a beer bottle that’s invariably facing away from us; your attempt at a shortcut backfires. Tell us what you want.
Don’t be “The Microbrew Aficionado”
Usually a pseudo-hippy who can’t tip a quarter but can’t bring himself to drink “schwag,” and who has to sample some new berry-wheat-harvest-ale that he heard about at Burning Man. “Do you have the new Vernal-Equinox Special Welcome-Fest?” “Does Anyone?” Here’s your Sam Adams. Go.
Don’t Be “The Daddy Warbucks”
Dressed in classic day-trader wear, this loud, boisterous guy smokes cigars and orders martinis and generally exudes an air of money…until the tip. We hate you.
Don’t be a “Whiney Baby”
Under no circumstances should you ever whine to a bartender when asked to see your ID. Our jobs depend on them, and when we spot a fake/expired ID, don’t argue; we’ve seen and heard it all a million times before, and it will get you absolutely nowhere. If you “don’t have one” or “forgot it,” forget it; you don’t belong out on the town in the first place. That’s the law, plain and simple. If we don’t have the law, the terrorists win. You don’t want the terrorists to win, do you? Bring your ID. Remember Rule 1, from a minute ago?
Don’t tell me the bartender hooks it up cheaper …..bullshit because if he did you wouldn’t be gettin it from me! If you can’t afford the drinks you are ordering then don’t drink!
DO
Tip
Tip heavy right off the bat, and you’re the first person we aim for every time you come up to the bar. Did you get that? Go back and read it again. The word will spread to the other bartenders and you’ll be treated like a prince. It will pay off in better drinks and the occasional free one. I always tip a $5 bill right off the bat, first order. After that it really doesn’t matter
Be patient
All you really need to do to get waited on is make eye contact. We see you, and we’ll get to you before the guy right next to you waving money and whistling. Remember, this isn’t insulin we’re passing out here. If you really need the drink that bad, you’ve got a problem to address, Jack. The meek shall inherit the bar.
Understand
We are human not machines we know you’re there however you are not the only or most important one in the bar.[/private]
Do not try and force a feminine energy to make decisions. She looks to you for that.
Sure, she will offer her[private] input at times but really, at the heart of the matter, she likes to follow a good lead. She finds comfort in that.
Yes we all have a good balance of feminine and masculine energies within us but she does not want to maginfy her masculine.
This is your masculine gift of clarity and decisivenss. Embrace your gift. Understand that you were born with a mind that operates more on the linear, logical plane than anything else.
If she is pushed into this, she will do it yet she will become chronically sharp, angular in her approach, very un-feminine like her nature. This will be an uncomfortable place for her and for yóu if you truly embrace yóur masculinity. From cornering herself into what she feels forced to be, she will be distrustful of love at it’s root. From the forced place of it, she will cease to surrender to his love and instead fill the void. She will, in essence, become her own man. [/private]
I am going to touch upon a part of the brain called: ’Broca’s Region’ before I decide how I am going to tell you the applicable stories to it. This part of the pain is a mechanism that decides when something has become predictable it gets out of our conscious attention and [private] pushed into our psychological background. It does this since it does not require our attention anymore. If you stay predictable, her brain decides her attention doesn’t need to be on you anymore.
In order to stay interesting to your self and the people you are in contact with, it is best to stay as naturally unpredictable as you were born.
A man is strong and reliable with plenty of integrity. An interesting man has these qualities along with being unpredictable, full of interesting conversation and actions. When girls have the feeling that they never know what you’re going to do next it turns out that they really want to know and consistently thinking about you.[/private]
This is said in smirking, tongue-in[private]-cheek sort of way. Another form of capturing the frame or taking thought processes that girls do have and bouncing them back to the girl.
She looks at me sort of dumbfounded. I just grab the door, open it & tell her “get in there kiddo.”
[/private]
This is a seemingly simple, yet very effective way to building rapport on a fast pace. When I hear a girl tell me points about herself. I repeat them once over in my head just after she says them. I am nodding and actively listening when she is talking to me to keep her engaged in her dialog, yet every time I hear a specific point she tells me about herself, I make a note of it in my head.
Once a conversation is happening, the person you are speaking with has turned their attention to be on you completely. A few moments later when topics have changed a couple of times, when you refer to something she said earlier, she will feel truly listened to.
If she told you of a crazy cocktail she had last year on vacation, later when you are at the bar together you can ask the bartender if he knows how to make that specific drink.
When it comes to kissing, I hear a bunch of different comments guys will say to feel her out.
Girls like the mystery and surprise (to a point) and the [private] effects and feelings of chemistry.
Usually I will set it up so that I & the girl are talking, close even, face to face. If it is a loud venue, I do not talk in her ear (she’ll be seeing something over my shoulder that might catch her attention) I talk close to her face so she can hear me, but still face to face. You can see the tension, sexual tension rising by talking this close. At those points you can also detect her receptivity to something like your closeness & even a kiss. Maybe you see she licks her lips to be ready. Good sign. Maybe you see her look from one of your eyes to the other, then to your lips. Good sign. To inspire some of this in her, that is a great announcement via body-language that you’re going to kiss her. Look from one of her eyes to the other, then look to her lips and lick yours. Then keep talking, while watching her. You can gauge her receptivity and still hold off for a moment building her sexual tension, anticipation. This is a teasing sweet spot. Once you can see she isn’t turning away to spite the tension you’ve created, this is the unspoken invitation to kiss her. Sometimes I like to take it a step further. I get my lips close to hers, very close, but I still don’t kiss her yet. I just inhale though my mouth so the closeness causes air to rush over her face. Maybe I just take the tip of my tongue and trace her bottom lip so lightly as if it was the tip of a feather. Her desire will increase tremendously. She so wants the kiss at this point so when I do kiss her, I kiss her good. She’s been built up with the tease so I give her a passion filled, deep-sorta kiss, still breaking it off a little early to keep her wanting more.
Eye seduction starts with extending gazing that eventually starts [private] roaming across her face. Throughout the gaze, eyes never leave her face. A passing train couldn’t distract your eye contact is the ultimate caress. Drop your eyes a bit like you are squinting at a painting. This will give you those bedroom eyes that are very arousing. Tilt your head down, let your focus relax.[/private]
…I usually do that early in the night for a couple of reasons.
First, this lubes up the social muscles very well, desensitizing you to any anxiety or care about rejection. It becomes wicked easy just to keep starting conversations with all sorts of people. If any interaction turns out to be not what you like, it is easy to not care about any outcome with one girl, there are plenty you have rapport with in that one place on that night.
Once you start a conversation with one group, it is easy to roll out on a good note “I have to touch base with some people; I will come back in a few to chat.” Then you can roll out of that group of girls and walk directly over to another group of girls. The new girls just saw you walk from another group of girls so this shows you are the sociable guy that women like. The last girls watch you walk into the new set which they are assuming are people you are ‘touching base’ with and it looks as you have already known them.
This indicates a ‘pre-selection value’ to both groups of girls. Now being the sociable guy, it is easy to open some more groups and then come back to groups you have previously opened. As the night goes on, rolling in and out of groups starts to feel like you were already friends, to them and to you. As the night goes on, you are not the clingy guy hoping for some validation from some girls who are talking to, you are the guy who brings a group to a high point of laughing or comparable high, then rolling out leaving them to want more.
Next time you roll back in, they will be trying a little harder to keep you around this time, they don’t want you to leave…they just want some more high points.
Since you have met several groups of people, it is great to be introducing them to each other. “I want you to meet my friends, they will love you.” Yes you just met them, but they are now your friends. As I am introducing groups to each other, I will probably mention a thing or two about each person I learned about “…and this is Lisa who is a yoga instructor in Cambridge..” Since these types of comments get the new people talking to each other with a subject underway.
As the night goes on, and not being the clingy guy but the guy they try to keep around with their group, you get a sit of selection to which girl you want more with. You are not settling for the girl who will come home with you, you are choosing which one you like best. You can shoot lots of subtle feeler questions to each girl you are interested in “What are you doing after the bars close?” to see if she has plans, has to work early tomorrow, or what details let you know useful info.
When we walked back in the bar from the patio, there were two girls standing in the aisle, talking to each other. I simply walked over to them, put my hand to hold an arm of each of them and ask: “Are you guys doing alright, having a good time? Do you have everything you need?” They had big smiles to tell me they were. “Ok good, enjoy yourself.”
So maybe they assumed it was my club or I worked there & was just checking on them, that’s fine. I didn’t say I was with the club, I was just asking if they were having a good time. I left a sleight indication that if they weren’t having a good time, I would see what I could do. That is all totally true.
The vodka chick
Usually I probably wouldn’t suggest walking over right before we were leaving to ask her for a number. I would have suggested you make the suggestion mid conversation, in the moment. In that type of dynamic, I was merely observing you, for notes to give you after since I couldn’t so much tell you that in the moment.
Hired guns will have a standard of polite behavior that is a part of her job. What I saw, was her increasing her interest in you significantly as your conversation progressed. This was more than standard ‘polite to customer’ behavior. As you were joking and showing her tricks and switching subjects in the conversation, her attraction was raising. She was touching you more & the frequency was building up through your conversation. She did have to keep bouncing around the bar every so often to do her promo things, but one of those last times she was standing next to you, her frequency of touching you turned into her leaning over and kissing you on the cheek. She is merely a promo girl, that move was WAY above any necessary ‘polite to customer’ move.
The lap dance comment
I was using this first set to show you that something a little bit outrageous & out of context can be said & the girl doesn’t get offended, just playful. Almost anything is ok
It is very good to keep talking (even standing there for a pause in dialog) until you have an explicit sign, them walking away or asking you to leave. It keeps your social muscles well exercised and by switching topics, you will find one that sparks more interest in the girls or a single girl of the group.
The essence of rolling out once you get a high point is that [private] you should be back. You get to a high point, then rolling out then has them wanting more of you already. This is a great way to start the momentum of them wanting you. Making a habit with telling every group you’ll be back is good. If you find that you are not interested in the group, you do not have to but it is good to be doing that. Remember who you opened & what you talked about than come back in and plow some more.
Rolling in and out gives the felling you are the sociable guy who is not needy, deeper rapport will start to happen, ‘their friend in the club’, yet when you roll back in you can escalate things with your target even more.
With that 3 set at Tavern, you saw me lock in, I took a chair, very comfortable. It would be good for you to pull up a chair or when you roll back in to grab a chair from a nearby table and bring it up to theirs. Then by keeping the conversations going as long as possible, your rapport is growing, they are getting more used to your personality, more comfortable knowing you better. Keep your ears open for points you hear them bring up. Once you can be asking them more details about their topics, they are talking more, getting more invested.
A girl who has spent 30 minutes talking to you will fell like she knows you much better than if she spent 30 minutes listening. At first you have to take up the majority of the talking space, but once you have them gabbing, do what you can to keep them talking. Ask the more details about subjects they like, they get excited about, things they are passionate about.
To better indicate your interest in a particular target of the table, you can switch from doing tricks and telling funny stories to asking about her life, qualifying the girl for you. Find out what she does, what she studies, what in life she has that makes her feel truly alive.
As you get better at watching the women you are talking to and detecting how their feeling and such, you’ll be able to go much further. Things like good timing of when to [private]turn your back on her and engage you attention into something else for a bit. This is great when you detect sparks of attraction in her before they are explicit enough. Just in the moment when she feels emotionally stimulated or in need of validation, it is time to turn away slightly, causing her to lean in a little more. Attraction is just a tool to use. When she pulls you back, you can subtly reward her with a touch on the arm or showing in a subtle way that you are interested in her.. If you can tell her attraction for you has jumped, you can turn your back on her a moment. As you come back, if you go to kiss her, you will see she is more likely to accept the kiss.
“I never learn a thing when I talk about myself. Tell me a thing that makes your toes curl. What do you really desire more than anything. Tell me something that noone else knows about you. What’s the most unusual place you’ve hooked up with a guy? How about with a girl?!? If you were writing cosmo tonight, how would you describe your sexual fantasies?”
Like a cat, you need to keep attention and validation slightly out of the girl’s reach. If she finds everything, to be too easily acquired from you, she will get bored and quickly lose interest. On the other hand, if it feels completely unobtainable she will also lose interest and give up, go on to do something else. You keep these things, just barely out of her reach but continuously entice her in small increments.
Another way to begin the momentum of her curiosity is to pick something about her. Then say “You know what they say about women who….****.” (Whatever I can see about her). But I don’t tell her, I just look at her in a knowing way.
Like sometimes when I am talking to a girl and I pick something she has said with “YOU’ SUCH A Girl.” They’ll be asking what/why but I just smirk at them and turn my head away from them. It will emotionally frustrate them but in a good teasing way. That kind of playful emotional frustration that can lead them to chasing a guy they like.
“If I didn’t have to split now, I’d stay around & make out with you but I gotta go.” Usually gets a funny weird enough reaction. I have seen more than once a girl will use topics very detached from this to keep me hanging around a bit. Once I see this happening, I know I am in a sweet spot.
A girl’s emotional mind really wants to tame a wild guy. Someone who is unpredictable and surprising, who she has to work for, that she could lose at any moment.
When you hear those feeler ‘qualifying questions’ from a girl to you, mark it in your mind is a good sign. She is interested in you enough to want to know more and see more of what you’re like. She might say “So what do you do” as with all the questions, especially the qualifying ones, I use these as opportunities to joke or tease with her. You have her undivided attention; play with it a little bit like she is your little sister. If she asks me “So CJ, what do you do” I might tell her “I’m an ice sculptor. Last night I perfected the cube. You wait; with this tray I’ll be doing 12 next week.” Now I’m not saying you never tell her. I just put it off for the time being in the beginning. There will be an automatic stereotype of some sort attached to every profession there is. By deflecting for the time being avoids this and more indicates your likelihood for joking and being playful AND this also shows that earning her acceptance is not on your list. You know how cool you are, you have no need to give her your verbal resume. I do eventually tell her one of two ways. If she asks a second time in the conversation it shows she is really interested. I may tell her then jump to a story of what I wanted to be when I was a little kid, This is giving her the factual information she wants, still maintaining a better fun theme to what you guys are talking about.
The other thing I may say with many questions I am asked. “Don’t worry, we’ll get to that” sort of thinking. I make a mental bookmark in my head about something she inquired about. Then later after we have continued our current threads of conversation and topics have changed, maybe I bring it back up “You asked before about…”. By doing this, she will feel like she was better listened to. You came back to the point. Still, even at this point, I most likely will let her know what she wanted to know then segue it in a topic that is more fun anyway.[/private]
You are a strong man. Someone who lets themselves feel and react to weak emotions is like Play-doh to [private] the world. This is not a way you’d like to appear, this is not the impression you want a nearby girl to have of you. There’s never any reason to express anger with a girl. You can be firm in how you see things. You can be direct in what you like and dislike. There is no reason for anger or rage. Ever.
To be the man who is faced with extreme reasons for anger to happen it stays calm through all of it shows enormous strength.[/private]
There are two keys in accomplishing this. Knowing what you now know you can use these two keys to instigate almost any change you could imagine in your life. The first brings motivation (it is similar to the pain / pleasure principle). The second makes it a lot easier to follow through. The two key are this: [private]
1. Know what you want MORE. Sure I would like to eat that burger now, but it will really bring me more pleasure, in the long run, to not eat it now. I really want to be healthy MORE than I want that burger.
Now this has to be true for it to work. Do you really, really want to be healthy? Thin? If yes, then considering what you want more, in the moment of deciding, makes it a lot easier to make the right decision.
2. Now that you know your brain is hard-wired for what it thinks is best for you, but it really hasn’t “kept up with the times”. You can relax about it. You don’t have to beat yourself up for being weak, or stupid. You can tell your brain “thank you for looking after me, but I know an even better way”.
That last sentence might seem a bit weird to you… “Thanking your brain”. It might seem simplistic and stupid, but here’s the thing: It works.
Why does it work? Because you do not have to fight yourself anymore.
It releases stress.
You don’t have to feel like your tugging in two different directions… (Like one person said on the blog: there is me, and then there is my brain, and I say we eat something healthy, but my brain says it wants to eat junk food). You know that “you and your brain” really want the same thing… to keep you alive, healthy and well, and that your brain is trying to make you do pleasurable things because, historically, those were the healthy things do to.
You can tell your brain: “thanks, but let’s try it this way today…”
You’ll be amazed at the difference it makes. If you actually try it.
So how do you thank your brain?
It’s easy. Just say it, out loud or just think it. Just say: “thank you brain. You are doing your best. I am grateful for that. Now let’s try this way instead”.
And your brain will say: “okay”.
After that, every time you make the right decision, it will become easier. You get some traction, some momentum. And after a few weeks, you’ll have created new pathways in your brain, ones that actually make it easier for you to make the right decision than the wrong one.
Here’s what to do next: TRY IT!
Decide on a habit you want to change, and the next time you feel the urge, ask yourself what you want more…. Then thank your brain for looking after you, and tell it it’s time to try something new. [/private]
Stay mindful of your environment. Stay very conscious of every present moment that comes through your life. Stay consciously aware at all times and consciously aware of what you are thinking, feeling and believing. Stay ever aware of your [/private]‘Here & Now’ and stay mindful of the people in your life for whatever duration they are in it. Stay focused and alive in this present moment and every one that passes through. Staying focused in the present at all times allows you to most effectively work with what you have around you.
Staying aware of the words you say to yourself give you a more accurate reading on what you believe with an opportunity to modify these things to suit what you want them to be.
Staying fully alive and present in all times keeps you fully awake and alert to the opportunities that you are in, within each moment. With you staying interested and aware of everything that is going on increases your calibration to the present moment in very beneficial ways.
Even think of what it means to be keenly aware of every sight, sound and scent around you. These sort of things help to ground you in the present moment.
, what is easy and brings her back up to playful vibe: “Ah, getting feisty eh? You know what I would [private] do?!? I’d dress you up in a red PVC devil outfit. Complete with the horns like things and a tail…and some bitch boots with a pitchfork…and your friend here. She’s nice. I’d dress her up in a similar but angel outfit with wings and a furry halo. I’d roll with you guys, one on each arm down the street. Every girl would be jealous of you and every time I was to make a decision…I’d let each one of you fight over which decision is the most fun. Whichever is the most fun, we’d do that. [/private]
“Look, you may not see me as Mr. Right, but if you are nice, I may just be ‘Mr Right Now’.”
The reason I hardly use anything like that is because of the truth of the matter. Sure a woman’s good looks can catch my attention, but it takes much more than that for her to be able to hold it. [private]I have dated plenty of models, strippers and perfect 10s. But, if she is boring, psycho or another version of the crazy cat lady, I have better ways to spend my time. I may subtly indicate something about her has caught my attention, but clearly letting her know I want to know more.
Not only does this qualify the type of high quality woman I want in my life, a woman values what she has caught with the essence of her personality much more than what her good looks (thank her parents) will get her.
It is another part of generating her to be chasing you from the first moment. A woman isn’t about to chase a guy she thinks she has won over because she had some genetic perfection. She is going to work at getting and having the man that her conscious actions and behaviors have earned her. By this, she knows that she can continue her good behavior to keep him around even when she is sick in bed and can’t pretty-up for the day.[/private]
As I’ve said before a single body language cue cannot tell you much but when several cues are all occurring at the same time that have similar meaning, a summary/conclusion can be drawn from this. Great benefits from understanding body language happen when you choose to use more of your own body language to express yourself. Research has shown that nonverbal signals can carry up to five times as much impact as the words spoken. Women especially, frequently roll on the [private]nonverbal messages that they see and hear, often times disregarding the words spoken.
Much of what your body language is doing has to be congruent with what you are saying & how you feel or else most women are able to read the conflict. Knowing the body language cues is very helpful though, since most men aren’t very expressive with their body language by knowing the cues you can turn up the volume of the messages you are sending.
When it comes to the handshake, many men grow up believing a firm one is the only way to go with everybody. In man to man interactions, the integrity and dominance are judged by the handshake. However, with a woman it is a totally different story, many men will still use their ‘firm handshake’ (sometimes too firm) when meeting a woman.
What I have found, in the subtle differences starts with a woman’s perception, is a few changes will establish a few things in her mind about you. Women are not as accustomed to the regularity of handshaking for meeting new people as men are. When it does happen I usually start with a firm (not too firm, just solid contact, all the way around) handshake to her to have the solid essence of my personality. Since there is no need to express dominance on a first meet up with woman (that may come later), I tilt my hand a bit so her hand is in my hand yet on top of mine. This lets her feel safe with the first meet up and since her hand is resting in mine, I do not pull my hand back. I keep talking and let her hand stay in mine as long as she wants to leave it there. She can have comfort in our physical contact and if we keep talking she usually leaves it there a bit longer than handshake might last, indicating to me a pleasant reception.
During a first handshake, I already know that I am the man, the dominant gender of our species. I may later make moves and have statements to remind her of this dominance that she can feel safe in, yet during a first meeting it is already pre-defined.
I also like to see, by the maintained conversation and maintained eye-contact, her feeling no pressure to pull her hand back. I think the extended eye-contact is another factor that she likes yet doesn’t want to interrupt it by pulling her hand back. On first meeting, this alone establishes a lot of comfort with touching and the extended eye contact builds up the sexual tension.[/private]
During the Spring, I realized that I got a family reunion in Las Vegas after Christmas, so I thought that I would study hard core and get this down before the end of the year. While I am in Vegas, I made myself a mission.
MY MISSION:
I got 6 days to game and get laid in Vegas.
Here is what I’ve done so far:
I learned how to perform inner game, SNL, night game, and day game. I have learned different techniques, strategies, even read books on how to better your life. From all that I have learned, I will put them all to good work within the 6 days I have to get laid in Vegas.
What I’m going to do for the following entries is state some top lessons that I have learned from “The Seige”.
Since the spring time, I’ve been the protege of the Seige. He has been teaching me small things here and there, giving me advice anytime and everywhere I needed it. Then I decided to ask him for one on one coaching because I wanted to be the BEST PUA that I can be. When I told him about my mission, he was intrigued and decided to take me under his wing. The overall thing that he has been teaching me is how to attract women to you. How to have the women chase after you, than you chase after them. There is so much that I have learned from him alone, but I’ll try to cover as much as I can.[private]
The first thing he taught me was that there are 4 steps in seduction:
1) You cannot seduce what you cannot approach.
2) You have to create the attraction, like bait to a fish.
3) Comfortability creates a positive surrounding.
4) What more can I say to this step?
Now with those four steps, I realized that there are 4 questions to ask for a SNL (Same Night Lay) with a following statement:
1) Who are you here with?
2) How did you get here?
3) What are your plans for tomorrow?
4) What are you doing after this?
Statement: “We should go (anything)”
1) You want to know who she is here with because you’d like to know if she is has friends who might be a CB or if she has a bf or not. Anyways, you just want to know who she is with so you can plan the four steps successfully.
2) You want to know if she came with friends or by herself. If she came by herself, she is prone more to either go home with you, or you go home with her.
3) You want to know if she has plans for the morning or not. If she has plans, she is most likely not to have time to fuck that night.
4-and the statement) You want to know if she has plans with her friends or not. If not, recommend something enticing, something that would catch her interest, then seduce her.
Of course, these are questions that SHOULDN’T be asked all at once, but once every so often. I, personally, would ask them in that particular order, because I think that all those questions can tie in with the next one later on. Kind of like sprinkles of spice upon the broth.
Within these steps are mini steps into seduction. Such as ways of approaching and ways of making yourself stick out in a positive way. Here are some favorite things that I have learned:
APPROACH:
NIGHT GAME
One of my favorite lines is the, “Sorry I’m late” then go on from there. You’d be surprised at how many women play along with this. The one that I’ve been trying out is the straight forward method, “I know it’s a bit random…but…I know that if I don’t talk to you now…I might regret it later” This line gets a lot of positive results when I open with that line. However, the best line would probably have to be, “Hello, my name is Michael”. After you open, “lock in” as quick as you can. Make yourself comfortable, and continue conversation as much as you can. Position yourself at an angle towards her as you talk. However, have her earn your attention by body flirtation. Look at her, away, body towards her, then away. The push and pull method, basically. Before you approach, what you can do if you spot a girl looking your way, you can wave to no one, to make it look like you’re the popular guy. Either that, or raise your glass to her. If she raises back, then begin the approach. Use your best judgement.
DAY GAME
When approaching during the day game, it’s always a good idea to approach from her view. Either from an angle, or directly. However, if she is walking, you probably don’t want to stop her, because she is probably in a rush to get nowhere.
Seige taught me, which works very well was to walk in front of them and talk to them from behind your shoulder. If the topic of conversation good enough, then she would walk a bit faster to catch up with you one on one. Or you can speed it up a bit by slowly lowering your voice and she would have to catch up to talk to you. If it’s the retailer that you want, bullshit your question about a certain item, then quickly change the subject to something more personal. But I’ll save that game for another post.
ATTRACTION:
You build up the attraction the moment you begin your approach. One of the key elements that you need is to remember that you need to start to build the sexual tension along with the friendship. “Why friendship?” you may ask, but girls are more open to those they consider friends than strangers.
If the sexual tension is not at level with the friendship, you will creep them away. Most girls do not want to be labeled as a “slut”, and they will reject you on the spot if they spy that notion in you.
If the friendship is not at the same level as the sexual tension, you will be locked in the “friend zone” and will probably see your dream girl fucked by a total douche bag.
Having the friendship at the SAME level as the sexual tension is the best solution that makes everyone happy. Girls would not feel like a slut, and you got a hole you can fuck.
What you can do to start initiating the sexual tension is by expressing to them that they might be in danger of being in YOUR friend zone. Why is this? It’s because girls want to fuck the guys they cannot have. This is a “game” for them. It’s a tad ironic.
Kino is used to to create attraction by the slightest touch. However, YOU should be the one to control it. The reason is because prolonging the touch can either make her feel uncomfortable or you are just giving her way too much attention and she might get bored of you quick. To limit your time touching can create a “want” with the girl. She will begin to miss the touch and try to earn the touch again. It’s like a dog or a cat. They LOVED to be pet. They would do stuff to try to get the positive recognition. Even people love the physical touch and would do things to get the positive, physical reaction.
Listening is key to attraction. Listen to what she has to say. Repeat what she has said to signify that you get the idea that she was trying to portray. After you do so, keep the conversation flowing.
Befriending her friends can really create an attraction with the girl. Because the girls friends mean a lot to them. If they can accept you, it would be easier for her to accept you. Then the attraction will be stronger. And don’t feel afraid to interject and ask if you can borrow the girl for a moment to talk to one on one, but staying in the friends view so they can check up on her.
Another thing that can lead to attraction is NEVER giving straight answers. It’s like, you’re “batman” in a speed dating event. All the girls want to know WHO the Batman is…but he would probably not say who is that handsome man behind that mask…unless you’re Catwoman. Here is one of my examples:
Girl: So…what do you do for work?
Me: I’m a professional eye winker.
Girl: A what?
Me: (wink)
Girl: (laughs)
Girl: So, how old are you?
Me: Does age really matter?
Girl: I’m 23
Me: Good for you. Want a cookie?
Girl: Come on, please tell me!
Me: It doesn’t matter, because as an Asian guy, I can be 90 years old and still look this young and sexy.
Girl: So are you 90?
Me: No, I’m 100. (wink)
KEEP THEM GUESSING!!!
COMFORTABILITY:
Asking personal questions such as, “When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?” This is my personal favorite question to ask. You can talk a lot about this topic alone. And get to know them quicker.
Here are the top ten topics of conversations that women like:
1 ) Hobbies/ interests
2 ) Music
3 ) Dreams
4 ) Romance
5 ) Hopes
6 ) Friends
7 ) Goals
8 ) Travel
9 ) Movies
10) Entertainment
Here are the top ten LEAST favorite topics of discussion:
This was actually a survey that The Seige had found somewhere. I looked it up and confirmed it. I even tried all 20 out.
Another thing about comfortability is that you can actually create a strong sexual tension depending on how you use your words, topics, and how much kino you apply.
A quick way to start building the sexual tension is by talking about sex. Yes…that’s right…sex. They can get really hot by talking about your knowledge about sex. Don’t talk about you with other partners, but the subject of sex. Here is an example:
Me: You know what I think is unfair? How you girls have about 9 different types of orgasms while men only have two.
Girl: What? Are you really talking about this? What kind of a line is that?!
Me: Hey, who said that sex was such a taboo subject?
Girl: Uh…no one
Me: I’m not afraid to talk about it, it’s a natural thing! Are you afraid to talk about it?
Girl: No, I’m not.
Me: Alright then…where was the craziest place you’ve ever had sex in?
Girl: What?! I’m not going to tell you that!
Me: Because you’re afraid, that’s why.
Girl: I’m not afraid!
Me: Yeah you are! You wouldn’t even-
Girl: In a plane.
During this conversation, I could tell that she was getting off at the fact that I knew that there was 9 types of orgasms that women can have. She was so taken back by it, she pinned her back to the wall and leaned in closer to my face. Her arms began to drop towards her knees and her smile grew a few inches wider. She even whispered, “in a plane” directly into my ear. The sexual tension was there and it was getting hotter by the minute. After this conversation, I leaned in and kissed her.
Of course, you cannot have this conversation without having her feel comfortable around you first.
Another thing is that only talk about “happy things”. So IF she ever brings something bad up, such as a bad day at work, bad dates, or even gossip about people, reroute the conversation. This will make the comfortability with you stronger. From then on, she will only think of you as a person who makes “happy moments”.
Example:
Me: I think it’s unfair for chicks to get 9 different types of orgasms and men only 2.
Girl: Oh yeah? Well, I think that it’s unfair that we, girls, bleed once a month!
Me: Don’t you have chick friends to talk about this with? With me, we only talk about happy stuff.
Girl: Hey, you brought it up.
Me: Yeah, but I’m talking about sex. You’re talking about something else, period.
(we both laugh)
From then on, every time we saw each other, we always bring up good things and create an awesome connection because there is no negativity between us.
Laughter is a sign of comfortability. Once you get her laughing, continue the momentum. Then at its high point, make an excuse to exit. “I have to go check up on my friends for a minute, I’ll be back”. Don’t worry! When you come back, the comfortability will STILL be there. If she was comfortable with you around then, why wouldn’t she later? Besides, when you come back, you can start it off from the high point that you left at. She will start to miss you and her feelings would have a moment to sink in. When you come back. you will start off stronger and at the high point that you left off at.
Seduction:
Seduction is the last step into making it. Seduction is very much like planting a seed of love in the girls mind. What you want to do is create an idea, a grand idea of how it would be like to be intimate with you.
One way to initiate seduction is what is called a “Triangular Gaze”. The triangular gaze is a way that you look at the girl: Left eye, right eye, lips, repeat. Then ever so slightly, give your lips a little lick. This will plant a notion in their mind about kissing you.
Another way of going about seduction are minimal actions that can lead into something bigger. Such as prolonging your kino or talking about sex. Even the push and pull can become a sexual desire. Negs can create a sexual tension too.
A conversation from the other night at a bar:
Me: Oh my God, you are so sweet! You’re just like a cookie! I just want to dip you in milk and then eat you out!
Girl: (laughs out loud) What?
Her body language after I said that just opened up. Her body was pointed directly at me, tilted her head and with the most charming laugh ever. Comments like these can really set the mood. Another thing you can do is subtly remind her that SHE is DANGER of being in YOUR friend zone. Like guys, girls who are interested in you DON’T want to be in YOUR friend zone.
A conversation some time ago:
Me: I can’t believe how well we’re clicking! But just so you know, just because we’re getting close does not mean that we’re going to have sex.
Girl: Hahaha, I never had that notion in my head
Me: Maybe you did and just didn’t know it yet.
After a change of topics, we made out in the very end until her friends came by and drove her home because she had plans the following morning.
But it’s the idea that got her thinking about making out with me that helped trigger the ending result. Like I said before, girls want a guy who is a challenge to her. Guys that they CANNOT have are the ones that they WANT the most.
Some side notes:
Prolonging your glance in her eyes can really create a strong sexual bond between the two of you. Add this to the triangular gaze and it will worked like a charm.
Actions are just as powerful than the words that compliment the actions, and vise versa. If you use kino well, learn how to use your words to be just as strong in order to get to your end result faster. Or if you know how to talk the talk, then learn how to use kino to the extent of your words.
The coaches give you tools of trade. It’s not about how much knowledge you know…but on how well you perform them.
There is so much more that I have learned from the Seige, but I cannot place them all down on paper. I’ve learned so much from him that if I wrote it down, I might as well make a book out of it.
People use booze as a social crutch all the time, but once you take that out of the equation, there can be[private] serious progress that sticks in the mind to be developed further for future interactions…that is in that way everything learned starts becoming a natural habit and these habits developing with each step..
Keeping you alert & your wit on naturally will keep your game at highest function-ability in any given moment at hand.
…and girls detect even a couple of drinks in a guy instantly, making them take what is going on less seriously sometimes.
…And there is no booze in daygame and other venues when they feel they meet guys because of fate and the luck of chemistry, so to speak.
with her she may give you an insulting response or an angry stare. No matter what, stay strong. This is just another form of the chick’s test.
She may do this to see if you retreat, apologize and slot yourself into the category with all the other wusses she has met before you.
What will attract her the most is standing strong, with no surrender. It’s a joke for cripes sake, can’t she take those?
I may get confused at first since I thought she was bright and would get the joke. I am never apologetic or defensive about having upset her. Her mood will quickly change when she sees that I am not trying to offend anybody, I’m just teasing.
Since she will look insecure if she can’t take a joke, this tension will get her start to smile and laugh. That self confidence will spark the magic feelings of attraction.
There will be times when you are talking to a girl and there are issues that generate a deep rapport for you to share together. That can be good in all, but remember you just met this girl.
When it comes to people you have just met, a great way to connect is [private] establishing and maintaining more of a wide rapport,on many subjects. This is when you have many different subjects that you agree on. This is when you have many perspectives that you see eye to eye on. These are the types of people we end up meeting and feeling like we have known forever.
With all people many factors that started in our childhood never changed throughout our adulthood. We still do still operate on the award/punishment scales. Is she laughing at your jokes? It is time to reward her in some way. Show her you like this. Is she being offhandedly affectionate? There is another time to offhandedly reward her and indicate that you enjoy her.
When you first meet a girl, be it online or in person, as with much of the dynamic, you are going to have to use your first 90 seconds to be amazing, the ‘wow factor.’ Then and still she knows more about what you have to offer to the interaction, and about you as a person, you will have to take out 85 – 90% of the conversation space. (Remember girls hate silences, at first they are all uncomfortable).
As you to get to know each other then the scales seem to even out. My favorite place which you can discover as she tells you more about herself, is when she is taking up most of the talking time and you were just listening. I personally like to listen very much. I learned a lot about people in those places.
As I am listening I am making little notes in my head of topics to revisit and which ones she seems most passionate about that would be fun to talk about in more detail at a later time.
She starts out with such a small percentage because she is warming up to you and learning about your personality. Women are born social creatures. Much of this comes from learning about a person one is speaking with an identifying the points of rapport. She’s also learning which topics and styles seem to get her the most conversational reward as she shares her stories with you.
Guys who do not put this extra effort into a conversation with a girl they just met, I often see them letting it fizzle out and then walking away feeling like they were not liked. This definitely may not be the case and probably isn’t if you were trying to go 50/50 on the conversational talk time. Guys go on to think that a girl did not like them. This could be absolutely the opposite of the case, yet her natural womanly behaviors keep things this way until they are not, when she feels comfortable opening up more to you. I hate to hear guys are thinking that their opener was not clever enough.
The opener is nothing my friend. It is merely a spark to the fire of conversation, to get it going. It is the fire. It is what happens after that initial introduction that decides the connection between two people. (As a side note, I was recently talking to a check friend who made the point that our guy who would not be that hot in a photograph, once he gets her laughing he becomes pretty ‘smokin’.
It is what it is, but I hate to hear guys looking for that bonus prize, that ‘get me laid’ opening statement they can make to a woman. As with you, it takes something more than that which will just catch the attention, you need something that’ll hold her attention and build things up like never before. I hate to talk about these things like this so extreme, but once you’re in the essence of a moment those times will happen.
When it comes that first conversation I would suggest touching upon many different subjects. It is easy and very beneficial to keep changing the subject. You’ll see the ones that spark her up a bit. These you can amplify for a moment while noting in your head what they were. You can bring these to a high point then once you change the subject you can remember which topics to touch back upon.
By covering many different subjects throughout a first conversation you are feeling out which of the many topics you two can have rapport on and which subjects you can keep coming back to. Consistently changing topics rather than talking one to its dying day will keep you evidenced as the interesting guy you really are.
You really are. Think about it think about how many topics you do have interest in. Think about how many things really excite you. If you can briefly touch upon many of these it will do two wonderful things in an early conversation. It will show that you are a passionate guy because you keep talking about the numerous subjects you do get passionate about. Girls are very attracted to a passionate guy. Girls are very attracted to interesting guys with numerous subjects they have interest in.
Once your passion is revealed you will either see her shared passion in such therefore establishing a beginning rapport on the subject or she will just see yours. Even if she does not share the passion which you do she will admire your passion for it. Then once you have covered many topics and out of these found many that you BOTH share a passion about, you rapport is growing wide… across numerous topics. Here is how we find the type of people we can talk about anything with. I bet you can remember hearing of a girl talking about a guy she liked a lot. I bet that is exactly one thing she said about him (we could talk about anything.)
Now this is great, you can just keep talking and talking while switching and changing subjects. You just keep on talking making enough pauses to give her chances to respond. She may not, and you are not dependent on this but while doing this the second you see that something you are talking about happens to spark something in her you can clam up. Clam up so she has a chance to participate in this topic. Then you can help her to elaborate her points. You can ask for elaboration on details she mentions. While listening, it is nice to hold eye contact with a slight grin and nodding through her every word. This will tell her that you are paying good attention to her, intently listening and eager to hear her next passages. Doing this you can remain always ready to jump in and take over the conversation with points you heard and mentally bookmarked whenever needed.
As conversation is moving along you can cause new topics and ask for open-ended questions. I would suggest you commit to never asking any sort of ‘yes/no’ type of questions. With a little practice you can learn to make sure all of your questions are the open-ended type. The types that will inspire her to have long-winded answers are great. This whole time you can listen to her answer while mentally taking notes on details to ask her about.
Often girls will have to elaborate their answers to your creative questions. Other times girls may say something like: “Um… I don’t know.” This may happen because she really does not know an answer. Other times this may happen because she feels on the spot, she hasn’t gotten comfortable enough with you yet to open up and discuss things with you elaborately. Either way, you can clarify the question some.
This not only will give for a more detailed description of what you’re asking but also gives her a few moments to think about the answer to the first question you asked.
Sometimes girls need this. Whereas they might have felt to be put on the spot at first, while listening to you rephrase it they can be gathering an answer.
For example, to get to the core of our passions is often useful to look at our childhood. I may ask her something like: “Do you remember when you were a kid, what it was that you wanted to be when you grew up?”
Many times I find girls frequently do remember what this was. Maybe they love animals and wanted to be a veterinarian. Maybe they thought it would be cool if they were a nurse. If they tell me that they don’t remember I can give them an example of the type of answer I was looking for by giving them my own.
“Aw shucks (I say jokingly) that’s too bad. I find it can be pretty useful to figure out what we were thinking as kids to understand the core of our passions today. When I was in preschool, even before I could read, I still like to play as if I was reading books. The teacher’s aide told me I look like a lawyer so I was convinced her for some time that’s what I would be. I would go home and play mock trial with my parents either being a lawyer or being a judge. As I got older I never much wanted to be a lawyer but I do get a kick out of reading a lot and you find a strange fascination in the logic and reasoning that can be used in the courtroom.”
Nowas I gave my reply I gave very much into it. I was very sincere and told her about things I would play when I was a child. Sometimes by showing example, putting that ‘Umph’ into the reply will be modeling to her what you expected. Then she might be more likely to give you a more passionate answer and think some more about her own childhood.
As you are doing those things in qualifying her, once she passes the little tests you have presented it is time to seize the moment. “Oh my God, you are so cool. How can we make sure we hang out again? This is a lot of fun.”
You can even seize the moment and reward her right away. “That is so awesome!” And then pulled her close to you to kiss her on the cheek. There is never a reason to waste time. Once you detect that moment at hand it is time to seize it. Many guys a lawful themselves out of the park because of too many worry statements were second-guesses. Girls live on a moment to moment basis. When the moment is high and you guys are sharing one they love it to be seized. It feels natural. It feels like a natural connection in the moment of that connection was seized by you both.
Practice talking about racy subjects. Sexual topic should be an easy, free-flowing type of conversation that falls easily from your lips. This is showing that sex is an easy-going topic for you. This will also show that you are somewhat of a seductive person and have plenty of experience with women. They like that. It shows a skilled lover and a man who has been qualified by many girls previously. This will indicate to her that since you have been pre-qualified by many girls before her, she is less work to do. This actually is way more of a weighted qualification because girls never truly know how to properly qualify a guy. They keep trying in many different ways to cover obvious bases but there have been plenty of times before when they have done that and it not work out as they had expected.
“I am not the kind of guy that would just take a girl that caught his attention home the first night and give her a night of pleasure and continuous orgasms. I am not that easy. I see you have real potential to hold my attention but you can at least buy me a few drinks first.”
Another great way to turn up the thermostat for the heat of your interaction is simply to talk about kissing. Let’s say you been talking for five or 10 minutes and felt some genuine rapport developing between the two of you at some point when you are close in proximity during the conversation you can just ask her: “If I were to kiss you, on a scale of 1-10, how do you think I’d rate your kiss?”
At this point not only will she be trying to take pride at a presumed high score, she’s going to imagine kissing you. It will cross her mind at this point in the image is likely to pop in every so often since she started. At this time, I myself, since I was thinking about it as well, might start alternating my gaze from her eyes to her lips every so often. It might be nice to imagine what those lips taste like at this point. Because I do love the woman’s eyes sometimes I find it hypnotic to triangulate my gaze upon her. That is if you alternate from eye to other eye to her lips, this can feel very sensual just making the gaze that way. She will probably notice this too and feel sensuality from your gaze. I remember sometimes while doing this, girls have done either offhanded or explicit moves to get this happening.
Offhandedly they may just move close or get their face closer to yours. Explicitly, yet much less common and seen a girl come right in to kiss me on the lips. A few times when they had done this it seemed like they were distracted for a second as they came in for the kiss and then went on with talking as if they just had to satisfy a sudden craving distraction.
Sometimes hints may work better than anything else. Let her mind play with what you stated but then move on. There is no need to make your coy statements and then stop speaking because you’re waiting for her reaction. “I have a bottle of whipped cream in the fridge. You should come home with me and help me finish it off. The bouncer here reminds me of Jim Gaffigan.”
If you do make a statement and sort of positive her reaction, watch her carefully. If you see in her face and/or body that she isn’t heated up enough for this yet, you can take it away. “We should go back to my place and massage oil onto each other skin. I just picked up this kind that smells and tastes like mangoes.” (but if you do see her face showing anything but eager anticipation…) “No, wait a second. You are pretty tall I don’t think I have enough for your body.”
You see, before you took it away you illustrated a nice semi-sexual picture of imagery and her brain. Women love the imagination since theirs does paint magical pictures. Even if she had a bit of hesitancy to your suggestion, don’t worry, the picture will stay for a while and it will flash back every so often.
As you know, any ‘No’ she says is simply ‘No’. That’s easy. She wont even say it unless it is real But when it comes to subtle hesitations things are different, so I hate to see guys interpreting the worst out of these. If she did find a place to express her minor hesitation, like anything else, it is all a joke until it’s taken seriously. Laugh it off. Laugh heartily and then change the subject. Women are very funny like this when you don’t need to take their comments in a moment to be much at all. Many times she has many rejections. It is to satisfy her need not to look like the stereotypical ‘slut’. Most girls seem to have a need to establish themselves away from the stereotype. I think by laughing it off and not taking it seriously or personally rather, shows the insignificance you find in the stereotype anyways.
This also shows that you take any rejection towards you as kind of a joke. Since girls usually fall into your arms and you understand she is saying what needs to be said to establish herself as a non-slut, all you can do is laugh it off. You heard it, you accept it, you allow her to establish what she needs to (as not having behaviors that would classify her as a ‘slut) but still not taking it too seriously or personally.
Most of the time, I find that girls need to get their protest to be ‘on the record’. Once this is said they feel a little freer to give in to their desires and go with their attraction. I see most often that girls do not want you to stop your pursuit based on this ‘technical rejection’. Now things can go along as you both want. This is why are found laughing it off to be the easiest acceptance of it. You accept the fact she wants her minor protest to be heard but nothing more since it wasn’t an outright ‘No’..
You don’t need to have a smooth transition into some of these things. It may take some practice but often being very comfortable in a major change in tempo of the conversation you’re having can be quite charming to a girl. This can show you have major balls, which is nice.If you have the comfort to adjust the tempo of a conversation from casual then easily slipping in a sexual innuendo shows you are very confident and comfortable with your sexuality. This is very attractive.
21st century has been seen to stifle many people’s free expression of the sexuality inside of them. You don’t have to be a part of that. Being very bold when you first approached her and then bolt throw your interaction shows you are not ‘just another average guy’. Keeping the tension up, and keeping her slightly intimidated is a sweet spot for you both. When you can introduce these dramatic tempo changes to the conversation it goes to reveal that you are person who you never know what to expect from him.
After laying out somewhat of a foundation of that, let me cover a part of the ‘rejection’ topic. There really is no such thing until the woman says “No” or something of that specific nature. This is another reason why I personally prefer open-ended questions and sometimes indicating my desired intents with a statement rather than a question. When you start getting into racy topics (and other topics actually) you will see that any lack of explicit rejection is actually acceptance.
In the case of yes/no questions think of it this way, if you were to say something like: “Do you want to…” and she feels she needs to say “no” to maintain her image as proper and that is what she’ll do. This being said, if you were to say something like: “Let’s go do this…” and she has no reply than she is for the suggestion. If she is specifically and directly not for the suggestion she will go ahead and say something along the lines of indicating that she doesn’t want to or she can’t or it’s not possible for some reason.
Remember that in many cases any lack of negation to your suggestion is a girl’s way of accepting it. To make a suggestion without it being a yes/no question, you can say something like “We should go to my house to smoke hookah and get my cat to chase the laser pointer.” Or something like “We should go back to my place and watch my cat do back flips while you give me a massage.” If she says nothing then your suggestion has generally been accepted. You don’t have to consider her ‘not into it’ unless she says something like “No, that’s not a good idea” or another thing along those lines. The only other time I can think of she may indicate she is not into it if she is not his while you’re on the way were about to leave to then she may indicate it then. Otherwise she is all for it. As a standard, girls don’t normally say something like “Yeah let’s go do that.” They will go along with what they think may be fun until they don’t.
While you are having a great time enjoying each other’s company, you should just presume, as you would with any other friend that she is coming home with you. Don’t go in at all of these unspoken and unfounded expectations of negation where they’re not necessary. Do not make an issue of a non-issue.
Making these random comments with sexual undertones is a part of what I explained as foreplay and my detailed passages about sexy-time. Foreplay should not begin when you decide to get sexually intimate, as an ‘all of a sudden’ event. You should consistently be flirting and sprinkling in seductive comments throughout your conversation with a girl you have a sexual interest in. A girl’s imagination is a beautiful thing.
When our thoughts are brought to sexy places it can start her arousal and maintain it at mild levels way before any touching happens. Doing this consistently and steadily along with a slow teasing physical foreplay can bring the woman to unknown heights in their orgasm.
Girls do want a bold confident man. While many guys try to sneak their way in to an interaction with a girl with crafty, clever lines… if you just go in with your boldness this will make quite an impression in itself.
You can begin your flirting and sensuality and spoken foreplay from the very minute you say hi to a new girl. It is subtle yet this is revealing all your cards on the table in a way. Girls have been hit on since they hit puberty. There is no way for any guy to approach her with intensity in his mind and are not able to see through it. It is much easier if you just cut all of the bullshit. When I approach a girl it is no secret that she caught my attention. I am now talking with her to see what she is like, to see if she can hold my attention, to see if I want more of my time to be spent with this girl. When a guy comes up to a girl unafraid of any ‘risk of rejection’ or what have you, then all of a sudden she sees a shinier apple presented to her.
I have found it to be perfectly fine and very well accepted to have my intentions obvious. It seems like some guys are trying to sneak their way into a girl’s attention and coerce her to the bedroom without her realizing what’s going on. This does not happen, this is not seduction. Recently while at a mall with a friend of mine we decided to go into Spencer gifts. As you’re walking and my friend was telling me that the store now had quite an extensive sex toy selection.
While walking in I saw it was a cute girl was working the register that day so my first sentence to her was: “My friend tells me that this is a sex toy shop nowadays. Is that true?” With this little piece of information I was able to start our conversation on a somewhat sexual level. When she tells me the story is as I suspected I ask her to show me her collection. As we get over to the section of the store I tell her that I was curious about vibrators. I then asked her to tell me which is the best or which is the most popular. She goes on to show me the first model that she thought of. I will not ask her questions of the reasons it was supposedly better than the rest. While she was explaining its features I simply gazed upon her. I looked into her eyes, enjoyed gazing upon her face and neck and listening to the sexual topic she was describing and the sensual way she was describing it.
As she was explaining the features of this first vibrator I went on to ask her:”Does the nice sounding features of this vibrator cause a woman to lose the novelty, enjoyment of the real thing, of a real penis?” With utter sincerity, she went on to tell me with a very sophisticated sounding know-how that this absolutely was not true. “From my perspective, and understanding both, although this is very nice there is nothing like a real penis. There is nothing like skin on skin.” She was getting very sexy and describing this and seemed to want to prolong the conversation so she went and picked up a second model and describe its features. I merely listened and enjoyed the sensuality I was watching come into her as she described the sexual nature of these devices.
A girl enjoys a bold and confident man who has no qualms about touching upon the subjects because then again, by doing this you show her that the subjects are absolutely acceptable in conversations between the two of you. She will know now that she can freely express how she feels about such topics. Forget any ‘risk’ of possible rejection you are thinking. I think you should embrace and dance with these risky topics to get yourself comfortable with them and indicate to her that you are comfortable with her talking of them. Women love sex more than we men do. Once she feels she has established herself past the anti-slut protocol, and these topics have a perfect comfort ability as when shared with you, she will feel like she can enjoy you and her own sexual experience without being (looked down upon.)
I hear and see many guys who think that the minor rejections are something they earned. In essence that is really not the case. You see, women have these built-in automatic rejections to hand out to the general male crowd. Girls want to ensure they have high standards for which man they get with. If they can toss out a simple easy rejection to their approach and he drops the issue, then that was easy. She now filtered through and eliminated a weak sort of man. Girls have the negation to incoming males built-in is an automatic. They have been pursued and approached by men since puberty. Guys have whistled at them from driving by, guys have ‘Cat-Called’ them from the construction site and guys have ogled them on the beach since they grew boobies.
Get over the pride. Hearing these minor statements of rejection is really nothing. If you are subtly and not so subtly indicating your intent, you will see a few things. She will begin thinking about and imagining what sexy-time with you is like. She will see you are bold and candid and comfortable enough to be taking things all the way. And finally, somewhat based on her reaction, you’ll be able to see how much attraction has been built so you can gauge and decide your current actions with this girl and/or future actions with future prospects.
I told you that women are very much on the moment to moment basis and testing you. Personally I think of up several times I’ve stated a firm opinion on one side of the subject. The girl I was speaking with that expressed the opposite side of the same subject. I quickly acknowledged (not discrediting her point) but then went on to further illustrate the reasons why I feel the way I do. I’ve seen more than one case where a girls next comments will be those on the side of the issue that I originally expressed. seems they just throw these things out there to see the resiliance of a potential male in their world.
Life is funny, enjoy it. It is all a joke until it’s taken seriously and only take the part seriously which you wish to be a part of your world. What points a girl makes that you do take seriously is another reward in conversation that will inspire them to grow. Reward the ones that you like to have as a part of your world.
Since the best punishment from childhood on is merely ignoring, ignore all of those that you disagree with. You are merely paying attention to the ones you like therefore showing there a reason to elaborate those points. If she is getting no attention or acknowledgment about the points you don’t like she is very much less likely to elaborate on those. On the ping-pong table she got no pong to her ping.
…Anyways, it all started on my way back into Boston Common from DWTN Crossing, it was sunny, a nice day just to randomly greet people. I said ‘Hi’ to random interesting people I passed, started little 3 min convos, smiled and wave-acknowledged a bunch. I could feed the birds if….
At the moment she came into scene, I was on one side the crosswalk headed back to the commons courtyard. As I stand there, I scan everybody as I always do and I see her. She is an absolute ‘true10′ but without the ‘I hate the world’ look on her face. Out of the 15-20 people on that side of the street, she stuck out to me like a flamingo in a pack of seagulls, but she wasn’t covered in make-up. She wasn’t decked in ‘look-at-me’ clothes, just a [private]pair of jeans and a button down shirt.
That’s what caught my eye the most. She had an ‘agenda-free’ look, no expressions, no mask held up. She was a good 20 years old but had the un-city like innocence on her face. She had model beauty, but naturally.
I have my sunglasses on so I continue to look like I’m scanning as I watch her (my head slowly gazing back and forth, while my eyes were on her). If I wasn’t wearing my sunglasses, I would have checked her out in my peripheral sight while not showing that I noticed her till she was close enough to open.
You know how girls flirt subconsciously with their body language? They fix their hair, their shoes, or position their pose in an attractive way. Speaking in girl speak, I know some off handed body language motions that get them looking.
Girls do get shielded when they know guys are looking at them. When the walk light goes on I casually walk across the crosswalk but I am moving towards where I would be passing next to her.
As we pass each other, to play out as if seeming like I just noticed her, I simply smile and say ‘Hello’ and tilt my head back, greeting-ly. (tonality is key here, and have found the ‘Hello’ gets a lot more responses than the ‘Hi’ because you can draw out the elongated vowels, saying it in a slow sexy tone.)
She says “Hi’ back to me on her way past. I did a swoop around (which I hardly ever do, but she did catch my attention very well). I walk her direction and stop her just on the sidewalk where I started. We are in front of Finagle a Bagel, next to the crosswalk.
“Well, You ARE ugly…” (I said this while smirking, she definitely knows I’m joking) “…but something is drawing me to want to see what you’re like, find out more about you…HI, I’m C.j.” and I stick out my hand.
Now when I stick out my hand to shake a girl’s hand, this isn’t a business meeting. I am not trying to show her I have a firm handshake, I don’t need any alpha over tilt.
I offer her my hand, solid connection then my palm up holding hers in it. I can give her the most welcoming hand shake so she can feel most comfortable right now. She needs to have a first impression before she’ll feel safe following my lead. Or being in the tension I will be creating.
I don’t not pull my hand back after the standard amount of greeting time; it’s easy to leave it there for as long as she wants to leave hers in it. She doesn’t feel like I’m gripping, just matching her pressure. Often we pull our hand back like we do in a regular nice-to-meet you handshake. This hold open is saying to her in Body language: ‘you have caught my attention, I am still curious’ I leave my eyes mostly in hers while her hand is in mine.
We chat, most of my eye contact on her eyes with quick scans every so often, to think of things and not to seem like a staring psycho. Her hand is still in mine. I am not gripping it, I am just open handed lightly solid.
She tells me she is from Russia; I practice my single Russian phrase with her. “Kahk DeeLah” (written phonetically). We chat a little and I notice her friend is standing a few feet behind her. I can tell from this, that she would get pulled by her friend or pull herself from this to not keep her friend waiting.
I tell her of an outdoor salsa class I am headed to later; I give her the time constraint of: “Well, I was going this way…” (She just starts to slowly pull her hand out of mine), “….and I have to feed the birds…” (she didn’t notice how ‘non-pressing’ that is, time-wise.) “…but let me see your cell phone, we can talk later.”
She pulls her phone out as if she was going to punch the number in herself, but I pretended not to notice, and was holding out my hand expectantly. She finally hands me the phone.
The picture on the phone’s screen was probably why she didn’t want to hand me the phone in the first place, but I’ll get into that in a bit.
I punched in my number, called my phone, and then described to my voice mail everything I just learned about this girl in the few minutes we talked. I hang up & tell her that I will call her a little later and walk on my way.
About 30 min later, I text her saying that “I should be finished at 5:00 and will call you then.” Yes, I did text her30 min after meeting her: I planned on keeping this temperature going.
I got her flirty temperature up while we talked. I knew if I was going to manage this I’d need to keep it up. I text in 30 minutes, call an hour later about a same day event.
I know that when you text things like that, they wait and are thinking about you the whole time until you call. She also is ready to talk to you when you call, she will be a little bit more…um how could I say this?… ‘State-prepared.’
I end up getting caught up in other things when I realize it is 5:45, so I call.
I get her voicemail message. Then a recording tells me her voice mailbox is full. Ok, I carry on.
I saved my name into her phone, so if she has caller ID she’ll know that I called. If she calls back – great…. if she flakes – oh well. She caught my attention for a few minutes.
Then at 5 minutes to six I get a text from her:
She says: “Its almost 6!! ”
So I see she got my text. I am guessing she saw my call on ID, but who knows. Now she is telling me by subtext, “ok C.J., call me now, I will answer.”
I call her. I tell her about the salsa in the park and ask where she is at his very moment. She tells me she’s in the Common
“Great, I’m over by the ‘Park St’ staircase, meet me here and we’ll go over to salsa together.”
This is all part of the ‘Assume the Close’ I just told her about the event, expected she would be dying to go, and told her what to do next to come along. (To be continued)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was explaining this to a buddy of mine on a different situation. If she doesn’t want to go, she’ll stop things & indicate it clearly or say it clearly. There is no need to ask her anything. Just lead. If she follows – great, if not – lead to something else.
Hear what she says in words when it comes to her denials. I don’t try to read signals, and tones, and subtext unless they are compliances, unless they are the message I want to hear. Interpretations of subtext are so broad/vague. Guys are not built to read between the lines.
The only: ‘Supposed to’ to define in this interaction are the words. Meanings beyond what is said, while girls get that naturally, if you have learned this, Great. Since the interpretation is open, read the ones you want to hear. (& her seeing which ones you read is a reward to her. She will keep giving back the ones picked up on, the positive ones.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(resume)
So, I Tell her of the good time at the salsa. Then I tell her what her next step is, & that it’s easy on her part. We can go from there….
I sit on the planter next to the stair case and am going through my date book paperwork. I think she is coming with her friend. We can all go the Salsa, I can work them like a two set, and some other dance partner will keep her friend occupied.
When she comes over, She gets my attention & is by herself now. (This is a signal her interest; did she ditch her friend to hang out with me alone?)
I stand up, give her a hug, lean back while holding her arms and check her out (I look from eyes all the way to shoes, then back to eyes. My smile brightens in the scan to be brightest back into her eyes as I start a new thread)
I tell her a bunch of details about the salsa as I put my hand on her lower back to guide her to the direction of the staircase.
And I keep talking, no questions to her are needed here, I just ramble along about my day. Girls are usually nervous at the start of dates and such. They want you to be talking & keeping the spotlight off them till they warm up a bit…..this always works for me.
Don‘t worry about it, after they get talking, they love to ramble on. Then you can ask her open ended questions to keep her rambling. At this point, she’ll interrupt if she has something to tell me.
We walk downstairs to Park St. cut across underground tunnel to Downtown to grab the orange line. I body language vibe her the whole way.
I take her hand into mine (as if I am testing it, in my head) then I toss it down like it was covered in cooties. I do that as I’m talking about something else. I pay no mind to it, but it does get filed in her mind, you’ll see the expression on their faces as you get better at vibing.
As we walk, sometimes I will take her by the shoulders and move her to my right side as we walk. That is the side I prefer her on, and this keeps touching, leadership, and her compliance momentum.
I lead her to the right direction at points with my hand on her lower back. Trust me, when you do this they get the feeling of being protected. Its great touching and comfort all wrapped in one move.
As I passed other cute girls walking by, I smiled at them and said ‘hi’ to some. This reminds this Russian girl I am social to chicks. She sees girls along the way smiling at me and saying hi. These unknown girls will return ‘hi’s and smiles much better because I am walking with a girl and totally non threatening.
They don’t think they have to be defensive to my greetings. I couldn’t be hitting on them since I am with a beautiful girl. And if I was, that’s good too because I must be a prize (pre-selected) walking with her….
I know a bunch of people are thinking that these moves make a girl jealous and will screw up chances with her. Not only does it do the opposite, but has this girl earned any of my affections yet?
While waiting for the orange line, I was leaning one arm on the post and she leaned on the same post facing me, leaning her shoulder. She let her face be near mine while we were talking. She just pulled her hair out of her face, turning her head towards me but close, letting her hair fall on her face again.
I just pushed her hair back off her face, letting my fingertips slightly brush her cheek. She doesn’t break her gaze from mine or move back from my touch at all, so now I know. I let my hand find its way from her cheek and hair to the back of her neck and pulled her to me to kiss.
So I started kissing her there. One five minute open, a text, a re-meetup with a hug… a bit of touching, affection push/pull then ten minutes later a kiss. Things happen that fast when you’re plowing on in the vibe, reading and sending the signals. 93% of communication received comes with Tone, Vibe, and Body Language. It seems like a born-with skill, but this like any clever opener, can be learned and mastered.
It was all about reading her cues and vibing that got her here. If I didn’t kiss her at that moment, she could/would have blocked it later. She was in a moment I could seize.
Now we were getting on the packed train, I know she is coming along to my event. There is no need to keep her entertained, so I sit in one empty seat, she stands by the doors. We just kissed, so I’ll give her a chance to let that sink in. It is very key to give girls little breaks, little takeaways that give her the space to come to you. The break from your attentions let her have something to miss.
We get off the train & walked trying to find the salsa park.
We held hands some, like girl & guy buddies, and then I stopped and got interested in something we were passing. I came back to her to decide to kiss her after looking at her a moment. (I takeaway, then back in with a little escalate in level but then I take away again. This is great at building great tension.)
We traded stories about our life. She told me she was a model. I picked up her hands and asked her
“What, a hand model?” So then I talked about Jergen’s and nail polish ads, while she tried to correct me
“No real model!!” she said
I defended them. “That nail polish models work hard you know. They are just as hardworking as the…”
This just got her laughing and still wanting to correct me.
So we went to the park-salsa, danced a little bit, made out along the way. I would stop her along the walk for a kiss, then she would come at me when I stopped the make out early, pushing her away a little. Sometimes when it would escalate in intensity, I would push her back from then too. We’re out in the world; all I want to do out here is build up tension.
“Not here….” I said. We were on the sidewalk or leaning on a store side. “We have a dance class to get to.”
We went to the salsa for a bit, danced some. She wasn’t really into it. She sat on the bench for a while watching while I danced with the other girls. I kept an eye on her to watch if she was getting bored.
Then we bounced to Copley to walk around. We both were push/pulling the whole walk. I would wander too far ahead then she would call me back. Then she would catch up and keep walking right past me until I caught up with her.
I called her on my cell phone. She answered. I told her to stop. She did. I told her to turn around as I was walking towards her. She did that too.
But when I got to her I looked her in the eyes, held eye contact as I kept walking. I gave her a “hmmpht!’ sound for acknowledgment, joking disregard. This was all very playful, like little kids teasing to be the lead.
She followed me, asked where I was headed next. I turned around, took her hands and started talking about Copley spots like they were fun-park rides… or at least in that excitement I explained with.
We wandered around, between random make-outs, and sat on some park benches talking. At one point she pulled out her compact mirror and was checking her hair or whatever….but for way too long and rude while we’re talking.
I am not down with the vanity thing, she can hit the restroom. I also needed to pull her out of her own head. She was dreaming if she thought she could hold may attention with her looks alone.
I just stood up and walked over to another park bench as I went through my Blackberry checking my email.
She continued to be checking herself in the mirror, yet glancing at me every so often. My takeaway didn’t fully work.
Even after a few minutes went by, she looked absorbed, but girls are always on scan-mode, monitoring things in their peripheral even when they don’t look like it.
I got up from my bench and walked the other direction and behind a structure that you couldn’t see through.
My walking path led me to be right behind her bench. I went there but she wouldn’t see where I was because the structure blocked her view.
I also wanted to finish my email but still keep an eye on her; once she was done in her mirror we could have fun again.
Then I get a text: “Why are you always leaving me?” It was from her.
I just walked up from behind her bench, sat next to her and said: “Relax kid, I’m right here, I was just taking care of my email tasks so I wouldn’t have to worry about them later.”
I told her of where I was going next, which was in Brighton, closer to where I live.
“There in a pizza joint & a few cool clubs.” You always have to frame these ideas as things that are already going on, and she can come along. That keeps the pressure off us both.
Now I don’t get too firm in plans. If I want to hang out with her, if she definitely doesn’t want to go along on the event I chose, I just modify my lead, pick a new place for now.
She said no at first, I told her that we could go there later, and started walking to my train. She followed but it was the train that was going where we said anyway.
This next part is weird, I hardly understand it, but it is how it happened: We went to the Arlington st. Greenline station, and would be taking a ‘B’ line to get where I intended. We talked and chatted and joked and laughed as all the other letter trains came by.
I greeted a few girls there and while walking through the station, nothing direct just easy going ‘hello’s. I was bouncing my attention back and forth from my girl and away to someone/something else. Then a ‘B’ train came.
I stood up, and held my hand behind me for her to take it. She didn’t take it, first time all day of me offering it. She said something about not wanting to to go, but she was up standing and a few steps to the train. “Alright, It was fun meeting you…” as if I was leaving.
She stood there with with a look of the blues in her eye, so I pulled her back to the bench as I sat next to her, looking at her uncertainty and I started laughing. The ‘B’ train took off.
“I am going to the Hookah-bar, and then maybe grab a bite to eat in Brighton. It would be great if you came along, but I have better things to do than hang out in a train station. Why don’t you go home for now, it’s been a long day. You’d have a
great time at these places I am going too; I just have to take the next ‘B’ train that comes through. ”
She had no response so I just went on telling stories and chatting about other things. I explained what the next few steps of mine would be. She stayed engaged in the conversation, and I left some open loops to keep her in curiosity, keep her wanting more.
So I did. I got on the next ‘B’ and she came along. We went to Allston, touched base with a lot of my friends in these places. Then around 10 or so, we talked of going to the playground for a little while.
So far at
this point I have about 4 hours of flirting that led this whole thing to be where it is:
We were
at the bus stop, to go to the playground I intended. She was sitting on the bench, her elbows on her knees, her head on her hands facing down. I was standing up waiting for the bus and she looks up at me and says:
“I am Tired….. I want to go home, or I want you.”
I stopped, I thought about what she just said.
Of course I
was taken aback to what I just heard, but I showed nothing. I looked at her again and said as I would say to anything she would have said that I didn’t hear. “I’m sorry, what was that you said?”
“I am tired. I want to go Home, or I want you.” she repeated verbatim.
I thought for a minute. We had been kissing, I was building up her tension all day by stopping early and the ‘almost kisses’ that drive ‘em crazy. Where I have my face close, my lips close, but I smell her skin, the air rushing over as I inhale.
“Ok… let me check one thing.” I said. I sat down next to her and kissed her like I meant it, a real passionate kiss. I stood up and said “Okay.” and stuck my hand out for a cab.
So we can talk about how to take a skill you know nothing about and make you a master. Let’s outline this. The best way I have heard to explain a concept is from the NLP crowd. It’s easy and basic with only four steps. You can break each one up as much as you would like but we’ll have something to build from. [private]
…upon opening a girl and early in the interaction, she hasn’t rejected the guy who opened her. He can’t take it personally yet because [private] she has no idea what he is like, how fun he is, how exciting he is, and all those things.
She has a certain amount of blocking maneuvers built in. These will weed out the first level of guys; this will qualify the weaker ones out of her scope before she needs to do any serious qualification. It is sort of a time saving technique.
Almost all girls have an auto-responder built in. They are raised to be polite, so of course she will say “It was nice meeting you” as a way to give a hint to end the conversation. She hasn’t said (and most girls wouldn’t say): “I am done talking to you”… so I can take this hint as meaning that I haven’t sparked any/enough interest & attraction yet which is fine.
It is easy to change topics like the signal wasn’t noticed. By frequently changing topics and coming back to touch base on ones talked about is how old friends converse. By keeping this same eye for her signals open, I will see which topics engage her, interest her, excite her & spark attraction in her.
This, in a way, will speed up the amount of rapport felt between you both. When you keep changing topics & find a bunch of them that you agree on, you have rapport on a variety of topics, like old friends. Women don’t need to have their conversations run on a linear structure; they very much operate on a moment to moment basis anyway.
Also by staying in the conversation & changing topics shows a masculine strength. Woman will stay polite as long as possible; it’s part of their social nature. This gives a man the opportunity to find her hot buttons.
If one reads her silly ‘nice meeting…’ as a negative signal and cowers away, they’ve answered a qualification factor very quickly for her. She sees this as a man with not much to offer in depth & variety to his personality, one who had no other interests left quickly, saving her time.
If she walks away, that is an obvious explicit signal. Other than the obvious, there is no (absolute) response expected, it is time to pick & choose.
Yes I keep my eyes and ears open to read the signals women send in subtext and indirectly, but I only respond to the ones that I like. I have heard girls blatantly disagree with an opinion point I have made. I am fine with disagreement, but I will just accept her point and further the reasons I have come to my conclusion. After hearing what I had to say I have heard girls make a second statement, agreeing with my point, as if she had never disagreed just a moment ago. By continuously responding to the ones I like and not the other, I always see the frequency of positive ones picking up. The girl is getting a reward for the positive ones, with them being replied to, while the other ones are just ignored and start to happen less.
Being such social creatures, they seem to have a craving for approval (message sent/message received) to be going one way or the other in any interaction they are in. They will do what seems to keep this happening over other factors so they will keep sending the messages that are getting them a favorable response (which is any response over it being ignored).
….you can easily change her mood, not her mind. Stay non-reactive no matter if you are getting results that differ from what you wanted. Being non-reactive is very attractive. Make sure you are having fun.
If you aren’t having fun, she wont have fun. Girls like to follow the lead and a fun lead is better than anything else.
Ok, I am not trying to over blow my own horn…This is just some of the stuff that goes through my head, getting me into a very fun[private] state. I started out by pushing those ideas in there, then they came habitually, but then the differences can be seen sometimes.
Look at these & trade my name for yours, see what happens to your state
As when C.J. steps into any venue, he is welcomed with the word “unstoppable.” in his thoughts. This rings through his mind as soon as he sees that he is in an environment to be interacting with women.
This word keeps flashing through his thought board: (unstoppable.) This excites him with that: ‘full of life’ juice. He now knows there is no obstacle that can get between him and the goal that he loves the most: fun with women.
He remembers that when he walks into a party, he always projects and ultra fun aura. “Now that he is on the scene, the good times can really start.(Uh oh, did he bring water balloons again?)“
“Where ever I am is the place to be. If nothing else: being in my favorite place seems to be contagious to who I am with.”
“You never know what adventure will be chased when hanging out with a CJ,” some one once told him.
“The world is mine to enjoy.” Since considering that any situation that he is part of the vibe, that is his whole world for the moment I am in it..
This love interaction is merely an ongoing session of batting practice. We are constantly interacting with women on a daily, and ‘throughout the day’ perspective in a positive and self affirming way, it is all preparation.
This is warming up.. so when the great girl comes along he is ready to hit that home run. Flirting with the girl who waits on him at the diner, receptionist, bank tellers… with every female he interacts with. Even the old lady at the grocery store*, he’s being so charming, polite, and establishing a momentary connection. Even and especially if he is not romantically interested in her — and in many cases he will not be — he does take the time to introduce himself and say something to make her smile. Maybe he makes her laugh. Her day will continue slightly better than if she never met him (*have found that playful interactions with children and old people, not only is a whole lot of fun, but seems to catch the attention of nearby HBs)
He also is distinguishing himself from ever every other guy she comes across.
If the waitress serves 100 customers in out day, it is him that she seems to remember next time he comes in. He asked her name, took time to chat with her about her day, and referred her name several times through the conversation. Enjoying the ways to be leaving a positive impression on every female he encounters. It’s amazing what a positive impression you can make simply by introducing yourself, expressing sincere interest in how her day has been going and paying her observation compliments.
When you put forth this positive energy, this is exactly what comes back to you on return. When you are charming and polite to waitress, she is going to give you the best possible service she can think of. Take those fun moments to establish a little connection with the pretty bartender and she will be the one to keep an eye out for you when you need a refill.
He starts out with the understanding. Imagining if every single one of them has a pleasant opinion of him & has heard all the fun stories. As he interacts and this fun comes through, unspokenly, She will be more likely remembering his name next time he visits and will be obviously willing to go the extra mile to help him out, he sees.
When you are constantly eliciting positive reactions from women it does great things to boost your inter-state, your ego and your confidence. And it always seems easy when you are socially lubricated, say, when you’re warmed up. You feel good about your game and always in a constant state of readiness at a moments notice. Keeping this habit regular allows you to be operating at your peak level when the unbelievable bombshell crosses your path.
You have been having friendly interactions with many women throughout the day so, instead of being anxious about talking to the gorgeous bunny just walking in the room, everything just comes naturally. You’ve been in the habit and momentum of regular practice your attitude becomes more relaxed, confident and she’ll pick up on the attitude which will also distinguish you from all the aggressive and over obnoxious men she encounters.
Also by consistently doing this, you are acquiring new knowledge about women in general. Striking up many conversations throughout the day and keeping your detail attention on… you will learn so much about what interests them and as things that bother them. You see patterns and start to form an ‘in general’ field in you mind about women, which is nice. Rapport seems easier to establish as this grows in you.
I’m not so much talking about gaming the hired guns but think of this: When you go out to shop for clothes and the sales girl asks if you need any help, most guys have no intention of meeting people. Some may figure she has other things to attend to …so he just says ‘no thanks’ and moves along (I see this in my people watching.) But this is part of what makes her happy for her day: having interesting and fun people to be of help to.
Moving into the situation is fun with acknowledging her, giving her your friendly smile and just tell her: “right now just browsing the stacks.”
Maybe you compliment her on a positive aspect of her appearance, namely something she is wearing or has done to it to catches attention. That’s the attention she put it there for. “That’s a really nice necklace you’re wearing. You mind if I ask where got it?” It could be anything that shows an interest is taken into how she looks. A pair of earrings, a matching outfit, or unique quality about her shoes. It doesn’t really matter… just to isolate one aspect of her appearance (that she worked on) and flatter about it. As a girl she will be more than happy to tell you where she discovered her ‘key find’ and this is a nice piece to file away for possible future reference.
Ok, Let’s say she bought it during a vacation in Puerto Rico. Now you have a little key point to reference during a future conversation with a woman. “That’s a nice necklace you’re wearing. I was talking to this girl he other day, and she had this cool necklace that she bought Puerto Rico.” Shows you are easygoing with women, and women travelers, which somewhat indicates qualities you have yourself or ones you like in others.
You could have just as easily complement to the sales girl on her hairstyle and said something like: “I really like your hair. A female friend who just moved to town is looking for a good hair salon.” If nothing else it is going to get the sales girl talking, which I think is very valuable skill to have. Learn how to get them talking and keep them furthering their points, show your sincere interest… as you are paying attention to detail she mentions and filing away possible fun-facts for later.
Without any “hired – gun’’ agenda, you will see how this takes a boatload of stress and/or pressure out of the interaction. You are just out shopping and making pleasant conversation with a girl who works there. So what if she is cute. Maybe you will want to take the conversation further and ask about cool shirts or jeans for men. This is part of her job and she will have fun showing you the latest fashions. Another great way to get tips in this area of your life.
It is so easy to be casual, this encounters completely innocent without some of stresses/expectations that want to attach itself to obvious pickup. You are not trying to pick her up, just reminding yourself you’re only lubricating your social gears. If you happen to feel like you really have a chemistry and want to see her again you can always ask for her phone number too.
By keeping this practice active, it all builds upon itself. Once a part of your daily routine, you become so comfortable around women and talking to a woman even for the first time in a day, it becomes something like second nature.
You will end up making great friends this way, and these are the ones who if you pay attention carefully enough, will indicate all the inside tips about girls you been looking for.
When I hear of guys having their ‘score count’ to be a priority, always looking for an SNL or a quick hook up, I know the strikeout ratio is higher on that level. This sort of approach with such a bad ratio of attempts to successes …does seem like it’s going to have a large effect on your self-confidence and inner game. Since the success rate ratio would be the factor having a bad effect, this will cause you to become more desperate for success, maybe becoming seemingly more needy.
On the other hand, by keeping regular chitchat with girls to be part of your habits, when the killer pitch comes your way, you will be ready to hit it out of the park.
An easy way to start the momentum in a subtle way of her chasing you, and [private] chasing your approval of her. this is another key to keeping the sexual tension built. Once you have found some interesting points the two of you have rapport on say something like:
“You seem interesting to me, I might want to get to know you better & see how things go.”
She hasn’t won a place in your life yet. She is still on a moment to moment basis, depending on how well she does. You don’t just let any girl in your life, you have certain qualifications and she has to has to earn her place with you. [/private]
Even if this thought is not for her, she will think of you as a potential boyfriend for[private] one of her single girl friends. Women love to find guys for their friends because they know the importance of quality male companionship is in a woman’s life. If you are continuously keeping this in mind when you are in the company of any woman you can find yourself being set-up with a really great girl. Always put your best foot forward even if you are not attracted to a particular girl you are talking to.
A man that walks tall and handles every situation with ease shows her a major protection when it comes to the rest of the world.
Girls are never quite sure how to properly qualify a man. They have been trying to get their process down since they started dating but after a few mistakes or men that didn’t turn out how they expected continues to refine their qualification process. If a woman sees a man who’s company is valued by other women, she assumes that he has already been pre-qualified on the qualities the women agree on.
When a woman meets a man that she cannot easily have completely simply based on her good looks as the bait, she works for what she can almost have & then appreciates and values her catch much more.
[private]Like anything else we stay fresh at things we keep regular. A musician friend told me today he has to play once or twice a week to stay good at all at it. People skills are the same way. Keeping random conversations to be regular keeps our edge up. We monitor how people react to things; then we know for next time. Everything is practice. We always get a next time; talking to people at the grocery store; stopping by those free events at libraries; going to AA meetings as a visitor and mingling with the crowds. Find a Toastmasters meeting, Hit every open gallery that you can find. There are so many ways to keep meeting new people and stay in practice. Just stay open to learn. Don’t try to be right, life is so full of change on all levels, staying flexible is an asset. [/private]
There are conversational hooks. These are things to sprinkle into conversations that get girls asking you questions. They make for the stories to be more interesting for you to tell with getting asked for more along the way…
…and they are more interesting to hear since they are working with active participation from your conversational partner.
“Then I said, “I got my own theory about enlightenment…but…ah…never mind, I don’t want to bore you with my awesome theory.” She steps closer and says, “Wait, I want to know!” I reply, “I don’t know…it seems like you’re just saying that just to be nice.” She said that she was being really sincere.”
Good conversational hook. Those ways you can phrase things in conversations and stories that get her asking questions, her eager to her more & asking for it. Another great part in keeping the chasing momentum to be in your favor.
“..dont want to bore you with my awesome story.” Has both the indication that it is a really great story and that you might not be telling it unless she asks for more.
“today i went to the dr. its amazing what a girl does , before going to the dr…..wax…new sox, bath shower……victoria secret lotion, and bra, panties…..make up……hair done……one might think i was on my way to do a dirty movie….well close enough……only i dont get paid…and in comes big fat nurse with roots……hea chick..i need sexy dr. i did not pretty up my goodies, for it all to be wasted on you….ugh… and where are you goanna stick that……? l.m.a.o……….”
> Walking home tonight, remembering the taste and feel of your beautiful
> cock in my mouth, dizzy with desire. May I take you into my mouth kneeling naked at your feet? I want you.
“Hello, my friend..I would like to privately pick your brain about something..I am having a bit of a life dilemma..I (think) I have fallen in love with a fellow co-worker who is 13 years older than me (not a prob, just wondering if I have daddy issues). We are both married. Both never cheated until now, and both in not so happy marriages. I know this is wrong, but, IS THIS WRONG??? If it feels so good and so right, I don’t want it to be wrong! We have been secretly seeing each other for rendezvous (whenever possible which isn’t easy) for about 2 months now. Is it love? Is it lust? Is it the turn on of a secret taboo? The reason I think its love is that sometimes I miss him so bad I actually cry. Was hoping maybe an expert on all things relationships could help me pick this situation apart…please?? “
a few seconds ago
Cj Clark Piona Replies:
“Secret’s safe I never mention real names of people’s questions unless they ask to..,
Starting with the age difference. Girls are naturally drawn to older guys since they excel in the most attractive qualities to a female heart. Wisdom, experience, know-how, worldly understanding, they make better providers and protectors for a tribe, for a female companion.
The girl i married in 2006, she w=is more than 10 years younger than me. I first told her we couldn’t stay together since (as I remarked playfully) “Because I am 45 and you are only 23!”
She paused. Then in tearful protest, she was beating on my chest saying “Who cares? My dad is (age) and his wife is (age)” that was more of a difference. I think it is just your natural attraction kicking in rather than when we settle for what we think we are ‘Supposed to’. When you say it feels right, I say “When it feels right, go with it, the heart knows what it’s talking about”
In regards to your new love interest, I see many people going through what you are.
Honestly I see situations and how you explain you are, how you feel: as being total love-LOVE…..
Biologically speaking (American Standard hates when I bring facts to table) committed monogamous love is active as it was at first for approx five years, (to keep guys around until offspring can run/protect themselves, etc)
…and I see love as a very expansive emotion, we can love many ppl, for real…
and the more we do love, like a muscle, the more our heart grows to give out more & receive more love
…while we can truly love different people for different quality packages they each may have, one love does not take from the other, they are just different. . I do love the girl I lost my virginity with. Girls I dated years ago…even staying friends with them, as I do with most, sometimes they comeback, closer to my life, and we recapture our romantic intimacy for a time, enjoyed fully
…much of these things comes with an evolved matured perspective as I see in many other people as well.
‘The secret taboo’ my bring excitement to things, yet the tears over times apart is much more than that… Whereas: ‘Lust’, We don’t cry over physical-only attraction, we cry over bonding feeling distanced.
The way I see it, imho, is life is too short to short-change ourselves. Love is the most valuable resource on this planet, the most fulfilling, generous, outreaching, all healing, abundant flourish of the best parts of life, all intertwined. While you can give and take a million kingdoms, Love is like nothing else, the only one worth cherishing so much. And it has a self flourishing factor that the more, utmost you can give out, brings back more than overfull cups of love back to you on an ever-overflowing basis.
Thank you, I love that you shared your question with me. I am honored you consider me to be one to come to about these things. This is something I never tire of talking about and do love to share everything and all I have learned since that too fulfills me, brings me feelings of Peace and complete that I feel no other way.
“”CJ..first and foremost thank you so much for taking the time to answer me so eloquently and honestly. I love reading what you write. The best part of it all..is that it makes SENSE to me. I get it-I really do. I just wish that I would have maybe known this about myself before I jumped into a committed marriage wit a close-minded, often rude individual. I know I can’t go backwards, though. Since it feels right, I’m not gonna stop. But I don’t like havin to be sneaky all the time..I wish I could put all my focus into the lovin and not HOW I’m goin to get/give the lovin.
And the age part..YES I see what you mean!! It is actually quite a turn on that he’s older! So thank you for giving me some peace of mind, some education, and the opportunity to discuss this with you. I appreciate the thought you put into it..”"
Juliet Capulet to me
show details Mar 18 (11 days ago)
by never (well, perhaps hardly ever) making tentative slightly sexual
advantages, giving the woman the complete and total option of
responding and encouraging you, or rejecting you softly – because
after, all you are friends and you are ..only a man, and we all know
that men are prone to have sex on their minds. (Many or at least some
women do, too, but men are less likely to know that, particular if she
is a “good girl”, which does not mean indifferent to sex.)
So if you were good friends, fond of each other, understanding built
up, then what could have been more natural on your part – and/or hers
- than wondering if you should take it to the next step – sensual,
say. Offering a relatively neutral massage – say, shoulders if she
seems tense, or asking for same if you can reasonably claim to be
tense or tight after sport or exertion in cold weather or stressed or
..whatever. Or to give or receive a manicure, sgtaqrting with hand
massave, of course, Or a pedicure, same logic. Adjusting her clothes
when they need it (or not too much), and asking her to do the same -
to tie your tie, to straighten it. When it’s true, an honest request
and reason, and/or honest offers to help her de-stress, with high
attention paid to the reaction to (implicit) suggestion of more
physical contact.
Bring sex into the conversation from time to time – gently, of course.
How long it’s been, how sad that makes you, how much you miss your GF
and the things you shared – anything along those lines.
Or admiring movies which have strong undercurrent of attraction
between the two leads – Angelina & Brad in Mr & Mrs Smith, Donald
Sutherland & Julie Christie in Don’t Look Now (vv hot sex scene in
this), Warren Beatty in Dick Tracy vs. Madonna (his other movies are
problematic, because he was so famously a shit with women, but since
Madonna has been just as bad with men, this one would be OK).
Jean-Louis Barrault & Arletty in Children of Paradise (les Enfants du
Paradis) – or many, many other French films with strong undercurrents
of sexuality. Belmondo in the Wages of Fear. Jean Renoir (and
others) in Rules of the Game. Deneuve & Depardieu in The Last Metro.
Michele Morgan & Jean Gabin in Quai des Orfevres. Even La Grande
Bouffe or Diva.
English: The English Patient (Ralph Fiennes & what’s her name). Black
Narcissus. Kind Hearts & Coronets. (a good one, this – quite funny,
with with sexual attraction a strong undercurrent.) Major Barbara,
ditto. Rent the DVD’s, share ones you have, or see them in an art
house together – mini-dates.
The best films starring Louise Brooks (Pandora’s Box), Clara Bow (“the
IT girl), Mae West (e.g., She Done Him Wrong), Cary Grant (Only Angels
Have Wings, when he was quite young and smouldering hot would be
particularly good), My Man Godfrey (Carole Lombard & William Powell,
after they divorced but were still quite close and of course had all
that history as lovers), Carole Lombard & Clark Gable, Gable &
Claudette Colbert, Gregory Peck & Jennifer Jones i n Duel in the
Sun. There must be modern American equivalents, but the only one I
can think of (funny, with the mysteries of sexual
attraction/difficulties with the opposite sex central) is Lars & the
Real Girl.
Or perhaps (for some women) even confessing that you’ve picked up Lady
Chatterly’s Lover (for example) to re-read because you’ve been missng
the “real thing”.
Or gazing soulfully into her eyes when she seems receptive, and
saying, for example, sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we
were..if we should be..more than just friends. Friends makes a good
start, doesn’t it? Take your cue from her, laugh it off if she seems
offended, but watch the reaction. You’d only be planting the seeds of
an idea, anyway.
Or doing things together which call for fewer clothes. Swimming is
good, so is sunbathing – athletic, neutral yet sexual.
Meeting at times which are more stress-free and offer perhaps a couple
of hours of free time, with no pressing engagements on either side
imminent.
Getting locked out of your apt. and asking if you could crash on the
floor. Then respecting that engagement as a first step to greater
physical intimacy. Sharing the bathroom, making tea or coffee for the
other, or fresh-squeezing orange juice, or running out to pick up
fresh croissants or Danish or donuts, whatever she likes and would not
have bothered with, or cooking and serving breakfast for the two of
you. Thoughtful, couple-y things. Bringing flowers or wine when you
come over to dinner. Or if she doesn’t cook, then offering to cook
for her and inviting her for a little dinner.
Or surprising her with tickets to a ball game – I prefer Little
League, myself – a joint excursion.
Or confessing shamefacedly – or honestly – that you’ve ;ve begun to
read an erotic book or scene from time to time, to partly make up for
lack of the “real thing” – something respectable, Lady Chatterly’s
Lover or Ulysses (the “yes, she said yes, yes, yes” soliloquy).
Romeo & Juliet works well, as you already know. Casablanca.
These are all slow approaches – successive approximation to the sexual
relation you may ultimately want – but are good practice and should be
possible to do without damaging the friendship. You can always ask
her to set you up with a friend, ask her how she’d describe you. Ask
her to help you write a personals ad.
Moving from slow to quick, I’ve known much faster and more successful
approaches than the trolling the bars/hitting on the babes/SNL
strategies you apparently recommend at least part of the time. One
“success” said he now gets laid once a week. Expensive, manipulative,
and inefficient.
Consensual sex once a week is NOTHING compared to the frequency with
which you (well, I) typically have sex within a sexual monogamous or
monogamish personal relationship. With my husband, 15-20 times a
week. (That was a bit too often for me – so often that I didn’t even
have time to get horny again -but he considered anything less
Lysistrata-like.) With my B-school boyfriend, 23 y.o., strong and
eager, 1-2 hr sessions about 3z/week,. (We were too busy with
schoolwork for more.) With both, sex initiated on first date: with my
husband, his iniative; with my young b-school boyfriend, a virgin I
later discovered – but we fixed that), it was mine.
Another quick flip from colleagues to lovers came in SF when I was
invited out to lunch (with a wingman) by our brilliant graphics
specialist, who I later discovered was a veteran of the SF Sexual
Freedom League. (Read: orgies.) We had lunch at a common work
handout, very polite but he was brilliant, his talk sparkling and his
eyes as well, and at the end of the lunch, in front of his buddy, he
took my hand, turned it over to kiss it on the palm then looked up at
me, still holding my hand, to say “Well? Shall we be lovers or not?”
I was speechless at the time, but quite intrigued, but later invited
HIM to lunch – and we were off, making arrangements to meet at night,
at his place, where work would not interfere.
She says: “I was like at kid at Christmas opening each little package. Smiling like an idiot, its the small things that mean the most xoxo” — with Cj Piona Clark.
.
Cj Piona Clark “Yay! SO happy it came…bet you thought I was sending you cereal!”
Jessica: “i did at first! lol. i was amused but especially so because that is my favorite cereal lol but i absolutely love it because i can tell each item was chosen with care and not just tossed into a box ”
Cj Piona Clark: “Waitaminnit, something there marked: “Do Not Open” looks like it HAS been opened”
Jessica: “well you KNEW that was gonna happen! lol as the old saying goes: curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back. ”
19 minutes ago · Like
I say: “Actually I was just [private] being social. But honey, accusing a stud like myself of hitting on you is not a good way to get me to like you more. Try being yourself,I like that. But don’t expect to get in my pants, I am more than piece of meat for you to enjoy ” [/private]
It works best to generate attraction till you see an even keel of mutual attraction is going on. Stay away from the ‘What do you do?’, ‘Where are you from?’ even the ‘What is your name?’ type of interview questions until a healthy dose of attraction is built up.
Don’t start until you see her showing ways that she is interested in you first. Keep everything a playful vibe; these are all practice people until you see something more. Once you see her signals that she is interested, and then it is okay to be showing her that your interest is of the same level. Regardless of what you feel inside, you should be showing her and equal amount of interest to reward her signals, but nothing more yet.
If she feels like she has won your heart before you guys had a chance to get to know each other, she will think: ‘Game Over’ and move on to the next guy.
As soon as I see her touching me, laughing at my jokes (even the stupid ones) and she is staying around for like 20 minutes or so, then I know there is a sweet spot going on. It’s not till then I start asking her some screening questions: “So what do you do for fun?”
Every time she tells me things about herself that I like, that I am attracted to, I compliment her on those points. This shows her which topics and behaviors get the most reward. She will be increasing these which will ensure a better time for us both.
At this point of learning more about her, I will say: “When I first met you, I wasn’t so sure about you…but now that I get to know you you are pretty interesting. This is usually the point when I begin to increase my playful touching to further reward the amount I like her.
This may start with tapping and poking to high-fives, pushing, butt-bumping and thumb wrestling. After the playful stuff, I may move on to hugging, holding hands like I am mocking a couple, cheek kissing, and picking her up jokingly.[/private]
“hea, i tried to call you, i know youre busy. i wanted to thank you for taking the time to help me make those lists……i have alot more lists to make. you have sooo mutch to offer…..you help people find happiness, and love….that is a priceless contrubution to the world. your words are going to help me make some changes in my life. im going to take my life back, and start to live…….your kindness and support will help me…..this is going to be hard… but i have 2. i will see you soon…i know what love is suppostew be…and i dont have it…..i know what happiness is suppostew be….but i dont have that either.,…….so thank you for your love page….and all of who you are…i love every part of who you are, you are an awsome person. i am soglad we reconnected…..….the wisdom, the kindness, the self expression, the talent……the artful ways you teach……you have alot to offer…..im here for you as a student…..xoxoxand a good friend…..what can i do for you in return….?you are love….. i do love you”
Keep at it, Journaling is a great tool for gaining the controls in designing your own life…Once we have the Thoughts, Ideas and Emotions labeled up with words, our minds can work pretty well with them.
And of course journaling events you will find new things you didn’t realize until you re-thought them a bit later and yourself is bout of everything that was going on while it happened.
It may work for you. I have found this other part helpful: [private] To journal events with actions you’d change/improve once you knew the ‘after’ information. By taking the time to organize the thoughts to journal a fictional account of what happened and what you would have done (as if you had)you now have these thoughts laid out in your head in order, so if something similar comes up you will think of it this way, almost like a preplan….it’s pretty cool.
Living life rather than letting life live you…
Yeah this system works well, I have quit smoking, installed new habits, extinguished old habits with this structure: “The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.”
I don’t know…See if you can teach it back to me!!! xo.cj
Why do we go after pleasure and try to avoid pain?
It seems so obvious, doesn’t it? Pleasure is pleasurable and pain is painful. Doh!
And what controls these feelings of pleasure and pain?
Your brain, of course.
And why does it do it…?
Here is why: Because it knows you will go for pleasure and try to avoid pain. And so, as an organ of survival, it drives you to do the things that are good for you. Yes, the things that are good for you are pleasurable.
WHAT? What did you say? So why do we overeat? Smoke? And all of those other bad things?
This is really important, so pay attention.
In your brain, there is a pleasure system. When you do things that are good for the organism (that’s you), there’s a reward mechanism that releases specific neurotransmitters in your brain that makes you feel good.
For thousands of years, these systems worked really well. Think about it: Sweet things found in nature — like fruits and berries — are good for you. Bitter things are usually poisonous.
And when you’re in good shape and you run around in the forest — you feel good — a lot of those rewarding neurotransmitters are released when your body is moving.
And eating — when there wasn’t the abundant supply of food that we have today, getting sugars and fats meant getting energy… crucial for survival, of course, and so your brain rewards the organism for it.
Do you see? The primitive part of your brain, the part that has kept you and your forefathers alive, is rewarding you for doing the things it thinks is best for you.
So What About Alcohol and Tobacco? And Other Drugs?
Ok, let’s take a tiny detour.
Can you remember the first time you had a sip of beer? Not very nice. Your first cigarette? Your first glass of whiskey? Cognac? All pretty bad experiences, I bet. But today, you’re hooked on some of these. You like them. No, you love them. They give you a great rush and they relax you, and you don’t want to live without them.
You know they are bad for you, of course (and maybe some more than others).
So why is your brain telling you not to quit? (At least the emotional part of it?) Why does it feel so good?
I’m not going to tell you that I understand addiction. Nobody really does. But we have some good theories. And here is one:
Your brain has a reward system that releases dopamine (a neurotransmitter) when you do something that is good for you (see http://www.addictionscience.net/ASNreport01.htm for a more scientific treatise on this). Drugs, like alcohol and tobacco, short-circuit the reward system of the brain. They directly push the buttons of the reward system, and so your brain gets a rush of dopamine. And you take a delight in doing whatever it was you were doing at the time you got rewarded — like sipping merlot or smoking a cigarette.
What does this mean for you?
For one thing, it means that if you do want to quit smoking, for example, that you accept and acknowledge that some parts of you are actually hard wired to sabotage your efforts. Your brain obviously wants you to do what it thinks is best for you — such as some of these negative behaviors. You are a thinking, reflecting human being and you know it’s not good for you. But sorry, the reward system was there first. It developed long before the logical reasoning of your frontal lobes, which in evolutionary light can be seen as addendums to your brain. The reward system is deeper, lower down, and has a lot of say. It is there to keep you alive and kicking.
-she will be open and warm welcoming to your approach -she will think you are hot and want to give you her number[private]
-she will be caught of guard and not know what to do. As the interaction begins, she will take your lead to the tempo. If you decide that you like her, you can direct the way things will go
Hands in pockets looks as if you don’t want to talk or you are hiding something.
When talking to people, keep your hands out visible and show your palms a lot. This shows you have noting to hide and are a safe person to be talking to. Seeing your palms open will put those you are with [private] at ease and will have them more comfortable sharing with you.
“When men lie, their body language can be obvious. women are in tune with this fact, of body language being obvious, so they like to look busy when they are fabricating stories.”
With your hands open and your palms visible, this appears more credible and more open.
In addition to the way people appear, as the frequency of open palm gestures becomes habit the keep much more of their communication to be honest. It is one hand washing the other. Not only will you look more honest, you will become more honest by speaking with your hands open and palms facing who you are talking to more often. Other people seeing these open palms will also put more pressure on them to be truthful witch is a more comfortable space for you both to share.
People also want to share more seeing the palm. Think of a time when after you have made your point, you tilt your palm up to the other person indicating that it is their turn to talk. These subtle signals are responded to so subconsciously, most people don’t realize why they are sharing so much.
[/private]
She says: “Cops and civilian passersby have caught me in many precarious situations. Lol the funniest memory I have is trying to pull my tube top into a dress to cover myself and the guy i was with couldnt do much other than to ball his shirt up in his lap and the cop knocks on the window. Flashlight blaring looks at us both and the guy say hey officer how’s it going. I lost it completely and just cracked up and the cop did too”
“i have no idea how my legs got in some of the positions they did….
in a car…
…i got caught 2 x by the cops..
..soooo embarassing..
..lol….ahhh..memories….
…and one time..
…again in the woods…
..cops did not catch me…
…but posion ivy did…
…yes… posion ivy has 3 leaves…
..and it does noy have to be shiney…
..lmao…….try explaining to the dr. at the hospital, how you got posion ivy in those areas..
…i had to get stelroids, and some other pills to get rid of it….
..sooo gross….total mood killer…..”
If you have a success story
you would like to share or a dating
question you would like to ask, or
a comment you would like to make,
following these guidelines :
1) Tell me what’s working for you
before asking your question.
2) Tell me all the details and specifics.
This helps guys to see what’s working
in different situations.
3) Make sure to include the fist initial of
your first and last name. And include the
country, state/province, and city you live in.
4) Send it to me at:
Siege@adventuresofattraction.com
[private]“You’re sorry that you’re married? You’ve got to slow down girl, I am out here making friends…” (A lot of these types of things need to be said as playful teasing, joking banter. A mischievous smirk during the comment usually takes care of this.) Then to keep the flow going, without batting a lash, let it continue “
(or there is always: “Reeeaallly?!? I though marriage was about happiness, what are you so sorry for?”)[/private]
The more you are standing there telling me why you cannot open, the more YOU are believing it. (There is not a person in the world we believe more than ourselves. every word that comes out of our mouth we feel a need to live by, as not have any cognitive dissonance).
I can’t monitor you in the groups you are in to see what you can improve unless I can see what you are doing and how they are reacting. If I pick a random close-by girl or set of girls for you to open a conversation with, take the steps and say hello.
When you pass a dozen sets, walk around the venue and then finally open a girl at the other end of the place, I can see a thing to give you the tips to help you upgrade your progress.
Things can only get better or they stay the same when you open a new girl. They cannot get worse. Before you say ‘Hi’ to a new girl, she was nothing to your life and you were nothing to hers. The worst thing she can possibly think of to say to you has to bearing on who you are, she doesn’t even know you yet. She cannot make any judgment to take seriously, she doesn’t have any information to have a credible opinion of any kind.
You know how cool you are, she hasn’t earned the privilege of knowing that about you yet. You are nothing to her life either. Girls are social creatures, they grow up thinking they have to be polite no matter what and only slip out of that with a new person, once in a while (unless she is a total bitch, then why would you want to know her anyways? She just save you the time and trouble. Next contestant to talk to!).
She has no idea if you could be the Tom Hanks to her Meg Ryan movie. You guys just happen to be in the same place coincidentally, maybe this is fate talking to her.
“It doesn’t have to make sense. It is just something that happens…and for a few seconds there is a kind of recognition like you both know something [you are both on the same plane about something] and the next moment it is gone. but it is too late to do anything about it and you always remember it. Because it was there and you let it go. And you think to yourself: ‘What if I stopped? What if I said something. What if? What if. It only happens a few times in your life.”
And the girl thinks: ‘Or it only happens once.’
You guys were not any factor in each other’s life before you said ‘Hi’. You may connect and become friends or BF/GF or phuckbuddy or dance class partner…or if you don’t connect, you both can continue your lives the way it was, without each other. It CANNOT GET WORSE.
The more times you walk over and say ‘Hello’, the quicker you will reduce your overall anxiety about approaching anyone. You will become desensitized to that part and your true personality will come out much easier, it will flow. This sincerity of you true personality coming forth is more attractive than a thousand openers or routines you can master, just start taking the steps.
Once you get past this part, everything else seems like a piece of cake. Everything you learn after you have this overcome will continue to grow upon itself, refining your game at an alarming rate that you never though possible. After getting the boulder to the top of the mountain, once you get over the peak… all the rest gains speed and momentum.
You are still that incredibly fun, interesting guy that she met. You have so many women that she has no idea if you are going to ask her out at all. You are totally un-needy. She wants you to tell her when and where to meet you. You don’t ask; you direct, since you are a leader.
Mainly, you want to reinforce in her mind…[private]
… that you are still that super fun guy she met, continue building lots of comfort (while keeping
the attraction fires burning), and last, but not least, get her to meet up with you.
The secret to good phone game is to be completely and totally un-needy. In any attractive woman’s life, there have been a million guys who she has her number to and lived to regret it; primarily because they made it a point to constantly ask her out at the slightest opportunity, whenever they had her on the phone. You are not going to be that guy. You are going to be that ultra-cool guy she wants to go out with but doesn’t give her any certainty that you will ever ask her out at all.
When you mention fun things you have in your upcoming plans, as soon as you hear her interest in them, it is so easy to suggest “Totally. I think we have room. You should definitely come along.”
“Our house almost got broken into when I was eight…but my if dad installed some swinging paint cans and some micro machines by the stairs that shit woulda never happened.”
If a girl spends a 30 minute convo with a new guy, with her spending 90% of the time talking about herself, being truly listened to and appreciated for who she may be, she is going to feel a deepest rapport, attraction, almost an utter craving to learn all about the guy, want to spend more time, want to extend the current moments as long as possible COMPLETE NIGHT VS DAY CONTRAST than her sitting there listening to a guy ramble on about things he thinks is impressing her*, while the majority of the time she is yawning in her thoughts and mostly thinking her own things TOTALLY unrelated to the guy at all, he is making no impact.
On Call or [On Location] via email to cj@adventuresofattraction.com
You can either completely makeover your personality in order to impress her, or you can turn the tables and make her [private]do the work. When you put yourself in control of the situation, you are the one who has the power to reject her, because she believes you can have any girl you desire. If you use this method to psych yourself up, you can calm your nerves and loosen up a bit, which will make women actually fight to get your attention.[/private]
I can also see that my enthusiasm for the places I have been does more than [private]…even out the playing field.
“Oh my god! Costa Rica was like a picture perfect paradise you see in picture books. There were monkeys pulling candy wrappers out of the trash and a two foot tall brightly colored parrot in the tree nearby the picnic table we were sitting at..
The people were So friendly. As soon as they hear you trying a few Spanish phrases they make every effort with any English they know. I remember on more than one occasion, when I was asking directions, the people would walk with me most of the way to be able to point out the last stretch of the directions..
There were volcanoes spitting lava over the bay, waterfalls in every neighborhood we visited, and palm trees to coconuts wherever the could see.
The sunset over the bay stuck so hard in my mind, I had to paint what I remembered of it a few years later. It was an ever changing rainbow of opaly colors, shimmering on the water for the whole time we were eating dinner across the street from the beach…”
No matter what they are, facts can be boring. Enthusiasm and colorful pictures painted with your words can be very alluring and the enthusiasm is contagious. When I tell those stories I hear “I wish I was there” all the time.
You see, we never really know what is considered totally acceptable or not until we put it out there. I see some guys dtaying headstrong on maintaining what they do, have done to maintain an alpha strength while asking for okayness before they proceed.
It is actually stronger, more alpha, to have to confidence to do what you do and enough confidence once you see things may not be received as you thought and apologize for the reception.
It can be as easy as explaining you motivation, that what was misinterpreted is not what you intended and you are sorry it was taken that way.
“Don’t get me wrong, [private] I’m not trying to pick you up I’m just here to meet new people and make new friends. However, when we do hang out, and if we were to really connect, who knows? It could be fate.”[/private]
(Comments started in reply to same photo of this post)
Megan: “oh how intelligent.. you ever hear less is more? you just set women back 100 years… discusting, have some self respect….”
Cj: “I love women, I enjoy your energy, grace, feminine energy, I enjoy naturally…and I am proud of who I am and how I love, love. It has set me freer as me, in abundant love, selfless giving without ever expecting any back…I love when you sent me sexy photos to my cell phone, am I evil to enjoy you?”
Claudia: “im enjoying her also….i think a womans body is beautiful , ….on this fb. page we as woman, can express thru art….our bodies…..we as woman have the beautiful abulity to reproduce, and feed our children with our bodies…..i like to call the breast…the built on bubba…..i think we forget….this is why we have breasts…..to give nurishment……and to show them off , in the proper forum….., like this page…….”
Jessica Cina: “hmmm… not sure where the post you made went.. however, i was able to read its contents in my email notification and i still have the biggest smile on my face. im glad the package got to you and that you are able to use the phone to complete what you need it for and im even gladder still, lol, that you liked the kisses also.”
Cj: “Oh MY Holy-G, whizzikers…they are awesome, even very loving how you did two sheets with lotsa kisses…I’d like to pull you close right now and SWAK one right on your face, right on those beautiful lips you have…(and suck your bottom one into my mouth for good measure. Whoops, did I just say that out-loud? ”
If you want a first date with a woman, and you pass up random moments to express affection or a skip to receive affection she will see right through you. Keep your detail monitor on her, please. Never let yourself automatically withdraw from her ‘accidental’ touch so to speak. It is time to promote it, to welcome it, to flourish it.
When a woman is lying back, totally submissive, blocking one simple sense seems to increase the volume of the others incredibly..More sensitive to touch, more keen on hearing the tiniest of noises …. almost, yes very pleasurable hungry for touch, hungry to have her mouth occupies, have a tongue or cock in her mouth…great responses to pausing on touches too…not knowing when the next ouch will be, where the next sensation will occur…and personally I do love the feeling of sensuous fabrics on my own skin as well, very much.
People ask me about secrets to ongoing happiness, the 5 senses, maximized in pleasure explored is a fantastic way to start…Most guys have to learn their sensuality tho, while it comes naturally to women…Is why I have been very thankful for my understand, enjoyment, immersion of these things all of my life., Very much…even when I was a little defensive when Bill Gormon told me I was androgynous back in the 90′s, I really don’t care anymore. It feels good to embrace who we are in fullest form.
As with all things resembling rejection, upon opening a girl and early in the interaction, she hasn’t rejected the guy who opened her. He can’t take it personally yet because she has no idea what he is like, how fun he is, how exciting he is, and all those things. She has a certain amount of blocking maneuvers built in. These will weed out the first level of guys; this will qualify the weaker ones out of her scope before she needs to do any serious qualification. It is sort of a time saving technique.
Almost all girls have an auto-responder built in. They are raised to be polite, so of course she will say “It was nice meeting you” as a way to give a hint to end the conversation. She hasn’t said (and most girls wouldn’t say): “I am done talking to you”… so I can take this hint as I haven’t sparked any interest/attraction yet which is fine. It is easy to change topics like the signal wasn’t noticed. By frequently changing topics and coming back to touch base on ones talked about is how old friends converse. By keeping this same eye for her signals open, I will see which topics engage her, interest her, excite her & spark attraction in her.
This, in a way, will speed up the amount of rapport felt between you both. When you keep changing topics & find a bunch of them that you agree on, you have rapport on a variety of topics, like old friends. Women don’t need to have their conversations run on a linear structure; they very much operate on a moment to moment basis.
Also by staying in the conversation & changing topics shows a masculine strength. Woman will stay polite as long as possible; it’s part of their social nature. This gives a man the opportunity to find her hot buttons. If one reads her silly ‘nice meeting…’ as a signal and cowers away, they’ve answered a qualification factor very quickly for her. She sees this as a man with not much to offer in depth & variety to his personality, one who had no other interests left quickly, saving her time.
If she walks away, that is an obvious explicit signal. Yes I keep my eyes and ears open to read the signals women send in subtext and indirectly, but I only respond to the ones that I like. I have heard girls blatantly disagree with an opinion point I have made. I am fine with disagreement, but I will just accept her point and further the reasons I have come to my conclusion. After hearing what I had to say I have heard girls make a second statement, agreeing with my point, as if she had never disagreed a moment ago. By continuously responding to the ones I like and not the other, I always see the frequency of positive ones picking up. The girl is getting a reward for the positive ones, with them being replied to, while the other ones are just ignored.
Being such social creatures, they seem to have a craving for approval (or explicit lack of) to be going one way or the other in any interaction they are in.
I am SO unbelievable happy, so abundantly for being a part of my life, in what level we share. YOU are a huge reason that I do have and experience the wonder each day, the miracles and fate I get saturated in of adventure more than I ever dreamed possible, Thank you so much!
Like · · Unfollow Post
Cj Piona Clark I really am talking to YOU, since I have been careful about doing what Facebook instructs me to do, my friends on my friendlist are wither people I have met in real life, real life friends of those wonderful people whom I found something va…
See More
2 hours ago · Like · 1
Cj Piona Clark Now unfolding and writing itself as it goes along, the BEST “Choose Your Own Adventure” I have ever seen and STILL beyond what I may have been able to dream possible, five years ago, one year ago…even a few short months ago…and the wonder keeps unfolding, on a daily basis,10X more wonderful that it did, just a day before that.
2 hours ago · Like · 1
Cj Piona Clark In complete love with sharing all I have discovered in this wonderful journey, SO PLEASE…even though my schedule gets very booked, overbooked at times, PLEASE contact me when you see some free-time opening up for yourself, I will sacrifice and cancel things to hang out in real-life time, SINCE THAT IS my number one priority, time spent with my family, friends and making new friends…
2 hours ago · Like · 1
Cj Piona Clark The people you are, the people in my life is my most cherished asset, everything else is replaceable, I have learned that time & time again. Lost many kingdoms of riches, only to find that letting them go easily brings the next, super huger, larger better one around the next corner…as long as I keep my focus on my people and share abundantly everything I am granted, which I do best possible
2 hours ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark If there is anything I can ever do for you, no matter how large or small, simply ask & it is granted. Anything with in my power, my reach, my means…if I have it & you want it, it is yours Ask and you shall receive anything you want from me, nothing expected back in return, no string attached, I totally promise as I live: “Death Before Dishonor” There is my word.
2 hours ago · Like
Claudia Morris do you have a book in print? are you published?….i see mutch more money in your future, thru different ways, added to what you already do……not mutch more xtra work tho….im not a fortune teller, i just have a strong feeling……
2 hours ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark There is my word for hundred of honorable people to see and witness to ensure I am absolutely accountable. If you like the shirt I am wearing on a particular day, tell me you want it. As long as you have a replacement at hand so I am not walking public venues shirtless, it is yours. I mean it, thank you \
2 hours ago · Like · 1
Cj Piona Clark Oh Claudia Morris, I thank you To answer your question, I have been published, many times, numerous public high-readership in short form…yet this is a distinct section of the AMAZING contract I accepted on 11/25/201, day after THANKSGI…
See More
Third party student review of C.J. after phone coaching:
www.adventuresofattraction.com
C.J. “The Siege” – Boston Dating Coach
2 hours ago · Like · 1 ·
Cj Piona Clark I was asked to take “The Truth Will Set You Free” to its fullest spectrum through my life (although I have been very descreet, incognito about many levels since 1994/95) to be released in four compartments of form. It seems as this all star…
See More
2 hours ago · Like · 1
Cj Piona Clark I was asked to take “The Truth Will Set You Free” to its fullest spectrum through my life (although I have been very descreet, incognito about many levels since 1994/95) to be released in four compartments of form. It seems as this all star…
See More
2 hours ago · Like · 1
Cj Piona Clark Back then, 2008 I believe, I made the video he requested (I’ll link it to this thread later) I filled out an elaborate application he requested and live up to the “ASAP!” he requested. The show was never bought by a network, or so I’ve heard, but there was a bit of a buzz about it when the promo stuff was going around. I was flabberghasted by what I was seeing,
2 hours ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark All of a sudden photos were popping up around the internet, showing support & desire to have me on ashow like that.
2 hours ago · Like · 1
Claudia Morris yup…i see you as a celebrity guest, on someones show……
2 hours ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark Aw jeez Claudia, I so thank you for saying that, but it is larger than that…WAY LARGER than really: Larger than I dreamed (like dreams of impossible things that happen in movies of your mind when your sleeping dreams.)
2 hours ago · Like · 1
Cj Piona Clark These were lovingly created: https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/29494_389778803717_662323717_3791579_6179415_n.jpg
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
2 hours ago · Like ·
Cj Piona Clark https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/25392_388246278717_662323717_3749627_4141662_n.jpg
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
2 hours ago · Like ·
Cj Piona Clark https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/25392_388052938717_662323717_3745568_6101448_n.jpg
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
2 hours ago · Like ·
Cj Piona Clark https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/541562_10150684725258718_662323717_9249882_974805504_n.jpg
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
2 hours ago · Like ·
Cj Piona Clark and these from places I have visited: https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/398887_158992104206450_100002869856016_205984_1834684088_n.jpg
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
2 hours ago · Like ·
Cj Piona Clark Somehow, in mainstream magazines ppl were mentioning me https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/24183_317126928717_662323717_3356521_2790545_n.jpg
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
2 hours ago · Like ·
Cj Piona Clark HERE is the MESSAGE I GOT: https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/31291_391022813717_662323717_3813922_2382340_n.jpg
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
2 hours ago · Like ·
Cj Piona Clark Didn’t seem like that much of a buzz, as super-fun as it was https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/31496_120015488020607_115997968422359_197496_3535697_n.jpg
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
2 hours ago · Like ·
Cj Piona Clark There was a ton more all through albums and on my site and this was totally blowing me away…there is a letter to the casting agency from this super-successful doctor who said all of this stuff about me, I never knew…I just kept telling things how they are, any question I was presented, no matter how personal, I never minded sharing https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/36933_410174013717_4663676_n.jpg and being known what it was I go through on any every level of life, no matter how intimate. Ilost the ‘be-too-self-protective’ need since I built & lost kingdoms, figuratively but I Phoenix ed every time and nothing, no matter how devastating it may seem to other people, really bothered me much, I just kept on loving life, and life kept rewarding me for doing so..
fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net
about an hour ago · Like ·
Cj Piona Clark So many people, couldn’t seem to understand how I could be so honest & on the surface about everything and loving every minute of it… I mean, like guy friends would get defensive and sort of protective, or reputation protective when I wouldn’t care sharing I’ve had four gay experiences, all of which I enjoyed. One was out of love for a dear friend Mark Fisher that when he came out he subtly indicated to me he wanted me.. I was friends with him since junior high, we worked together I admire many aspects of Mark as person, deeply. I still do even when he get bitchy…So Him me and Kelley Spada were hanging out one day, she fell asleep & we hooked up : )… He is attractive, very dapper at times and I love him inside and out, and wanted him to have that, I wanted to share that experience with him, express my love intimately and enjoyed it very much (although I blew him and we left it at that after her came. I didn’t really want anything done to me, I want to be the one doing stuff to him)…
about an hour ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark The second experience was with a co-dancer who was gay, that I worked with when I worked a male stripclub dancing in providence 95…He actually had a bunch of coke, which I did some of 15 years ago, and I was so into the partying all out experience, I was into full throttle that night…AND it was a way for me to see what a single-night hookup would stand in my heart. Honestly, I had fun that night, but a detached fun..It help me clarify the questions many of we guys may have wondering, I concluded once again how much I do truly love women. I can easily spot and explain which guys I can see are very attractive, very sexy …Axl Rose, Younger Steven Tyler, Mick Jagger youn and when he was singing with Bowie, etc
about an hour ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark The third experience was a misfire, again a guy I was friends with who indicated he wanted me regularly we were hanging out at a party…and at one point in a pile of laughter and silliness in the kitchen…You see he was sitting in the chair and I was standing next to him…At one point in the laughter, we paused, and locked eyes for a moment…He put his arm around my waist pulling me closer, to which I in good spirits and feeling loving for Jaime friendship wise, I wrapped my arm around his head, hugging back and running my fingers through his hair. Then he started kissing my belly whenre my shirt met the pants, lifting it up…it felt good in the moment so I let him go with what he was doing…Next thing I know he has my cock in his mouth, down his throat (yes he was VERY good with giving oral pleasure) so I enjoyed our moment for about 10 minutes. I stopped him before I came
about an hour ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark And I stopped him since3 there were a lot of our friends in the living room right next door who may have walked in at any moment to get a drink. So I stopped him and pulled him up to me and kissed him deeply to thank him for the pleasure, the effervescent, fleeting moment, but cherished all the same…and that did satisfy a curiosity. Jaime was a super-ultra-sexy guy..practically had sex appeal dripping from him for both guys and girls..so maybe I did ponder the possibility of what it would be like, if I ever gave in to his desirous flirting he would have my way pretty regularly…That was fine, we went on just as good friends and dropping his amount of desirous comments my way a great deal…While there might have been a look here & there I think it was good for us both, good for our friendship. He accepted my straightness and I had a taste of his gayness.
about an hour ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark The LAST TIME was my favorite and not only because it was my last. This was back in 2006 when I got married and I wanted to know what it felt like to get fucked in the ass. I mean, girls have always done this, even on GF stopped in the middle of our sexy-time and practically demanded it. She spun over on her all fours and simply state “fuck me in the ass”…To which I smiled brightly and did so. She loved it. … It was just that before I had the experience myself, i though it hurt girls a hell of a lot more than it does. Not only was I paying super high attention ot what was going on, seeing the other side of the coin, this is what taught me … or help me of what to understand when learning how to give a girl anal sex, for it not to hurt at all, be very pleasurable and to achieve another 1 of the 9 different types of orgasms a woman’s body is capable of. ..and being able to bring a girl to those magical places, through her whole spectrum of incredible pleasures the female body can bring to her, I’ll tell you…Once learning to love a woman like a master violinist loves the violin and the beautiful music that can come from proper technique, there is an inner joy to be felt that seems to equal her pleasure, is yours yet on and in a different plane, very fulfilling. Thank you.
Cj: “This is gonna sound retarded but whatever… people get so thinking that explicit and home-run is the sexiest…while I am …and have been since junior high…a kissing, making out, nibbling affictionado …There can be such a huger, humongous spectrum of variety of sensations and ranges of pleasures from kissing …. you can have a million kisses with the same person and no two of those kisses may seem alike, even close to alike.. Like snowflakes even..”
“Maybe that’s why a kiss and everything surrounding that kiss, the lace, the mood, the tempo…any sounds, ..Songs will remind me of an exact kiss, that one time, in that cool place by the cape cod canal, springtime breeze and sun on my back…pausing to look at your squinty smiling eyes in the sun…running my hands up the outside of your thighs, silky shaven up to that stretchy cotton skirt with the seem, whatever.”
“THOSE memories seem to stick with me like re-live-anle memories, in my thoughts in my journals that bring on those same high feelings, less but still there just thinking them over again ”
“(ok very different than my first kiss, now that it dawns on me…afterwards I went behind the garage and kept spitting after having a second tongue in my mouth..maybe that was the beginnings of what is the same today…I prefer penetrating over being penetrated whereas, I enjoyed exploring her mouth and lips with my tongue rather than having my mouth explored…am I being to graphic in my description, I never know.Well, if nothing else, that IS the truth…and yes that is my memory. …Oh ya, just rememebered while I was typing”
“(Her name was Jessica, she lived at the top of the street parallel to mine. We kissed at Jeff/Laura Carlson & Debi Glass Bender’s house, in front of the garage..we dated for that summer…I forget her last name now…She told me she lost her virginity to Brian Morse in the woods at the back of our neighborhood…and she talked about that very alluringly and temptingly as if she was trying to subtly suggest things to me..yet I was, well ..pretty super-happy about the kissing itself and wasn’t thinking much about sensual escalation with sexy-time yet…)”
” This is making me think all sorts of things…Weird or not, I remember sharing a new-found base with a different girlfriend each time…. (am I slut or what)…like it was my next girlfriend of that summer, Tijuana or Tjauna or something that we shared second base…Oh ya, I didn’t think anything of it but her older sister & I hooked up after & during that time & they were both cool with that…I was happy sharing love..Carla was like 2 years older than me and very assertive and quite skilled in the art of french kissing as I remember…I was more attracted to Twanya, my age yet twanya was always super bashful”
“Idk even if I should be feeling bad about 2 sisters sharing me like that or that I am revealing my life history in a Facebook thread…I guess the same, I write ‘Nothing to Prove/Nothing to Hide’ diary style on my website too.”
“And it wasn’t the only time 2 sisters have done that with me either. The other two, super lovely, beautiful ladies are currently my facebook friends and all of us use to have tons of fun together, going to Bosstones shows, partying with Kaluah, coffee brandy and milk on Friday (Deborah’s favorite drink) …Awe I miss Deb, such a fun rocker chick with 2 kids, she had 2 more now..Sexy memories, Deb was the first time I was with a girl from behind, her on all fours, SO HOTT…I miss Denise too, my freakin BFF for many years now lives miles and some water to her island apart…”
“Denise Nelson taught me the eyeball licking trick & it freaking tickle like crazy…we used ot hang out so many days in a row doing everything…I got her a job at my first job…she was the only girl, washing dishes with a pack of rocker dudes…Lepages with Craig Wallach, Shawn, Shawn2, Mark Fish, Bobby Hutton, Janine Daily, Paul of RISD, Jimmy Porter…Whole place owned & operated by Edward T Kelleher, my favorite boss ever…I am still very thankful to him for teaching such an awesome work ethic”
“Ted would come up stars at the end of our shift and check the kitchen, which we were to clean up, to a T for the end of the night. He would walk around, inspecting our work and if he looked under a machine or something and saw a single fry, way in the back corner he would tell us to get back to work, do it right an not to come down to get him until it was REALLY done. He wasn’t always that extreme, but enough so we got the point.”
“He basically taught me the concept I still live/work with today. That is “Always under-promise and over-deliver” or to do a WAY better job than expected leaves you with a memorable and contagiously spreadable reputation. Very thankful for that since it still rewards me this two decades later. Thank you Ted, wherever you may be. Oh ya, this too”
“How hott, just appeared in my mind…One night, while it was a quiter shift, near the end I was in the back closet, large closet where we kept brooms and mops in. I turn to discover Denise Nelson came here to get a broom or mop or something too. Weird cause neither of us started it really or anything but all of a sudden, we were in the middle of a good kiss, right in the closet at work, so hott. Even there were other peopl that might have discovered out in-work mischief, they hadn’t. We shared our hott moment, then continued to work as if, without skipping a beat.”
“Boy do I miss Denise, but she lives far away…She has the most contagious and easily accessible laugh, I love that about her. And she is super-creative too, she would come up with these thoughts within our conversations having you think “How did you come up with that?”… Funny, I remember too the creativity she would mse out of me. One time, we were talking on the phone”
“We were chatting on the phone and she was smoking, mentioned she blew out the match with her nose. Immediately, while we were still chatting, I started to sketch a guy, with a nose that had a little face on it, The nose had a face of its own and the nose-face was blowing out a match in the cartoon. Thinking of this I will sketch a re-creation of the sketch and link it in this thread….since it did, all start with a kiss. Ttfn ”
Cj Piona Clark”
[Comparison: "It's easy to take off your clothes and have sex. People do that all the time...Yet opening up you soul, your truest self to someone, and by you letting them into your core spirit, your most intimate thoughts, deepest fears, knowing the dreams of your insurmountable future, what you are hoping for, THIS is truly being 'Naked' ..." ]
To which, Jessica Claudio says beautifully: ["Love comes unbidden in so many different forms: A confined heart misses out on the insurmountable bliss that accompanies being 'naked' ..."]
Like · · 2 minutes ago
Cj Piona Clark then says: [To which C.J. takes in, responds with "And a confined heart missing out on that bliss, readily available to us as people, once we learn to accept the gifts though life that present themselves to us...THEN there is and experience in its most abundant possibility." Thank you, Jessica, very much so.]
Forever changing,,,that’s life. When it stops changing,,,,well you get the picture.
By: Land of 0z
Share
YesterdayClaudia
beautiful……
19 hours agoCj Piona Clark
You are….Very and I bet WAY MORE Thank you’ll ever really realize, really
You are….Very and I bet WAY MORE THAN you’ll ever really realize, really
is what I meant pre-typo
2 hours agoClaudia
very.what?…lol…i worked from 10 am yesterday, to 9 pm…..im changeing my monday hours to 2 to 9 ….. hope you get the pkg today…..hug
i just want to hear you say it…….you are sooo special cj, and god bless you for all you conntribute to the happiness of others….im sooo glad you are in my life…..
21 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
you’d like to hear me say what?
18 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
Thank you btw, your last message reminds me I am appreciated regardless of how many ppl take my blessings for granted….doesn’t stop me tho, as I learned in the book when I was a kid…when ppl disregard your kindness or counter it with animosity, you’re supposed to double up the kindness you have coming at them
16 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
I used to stop kindness when it wasn’t met with the same in return, but once I followed JC’s tip///I saw so man people with that angst to give back…they did soften up…or the got super confused, dumbfounded and acted silly enough that they would realize soon after the were being retarded
I am not religious at all, but I do have a huuge faith and saw amazing results when I started putting JC’s lessons to use, modeled his lifestyle in a 21st century sort of way
when I heard “Believe in JC” I analyzed & broke down the word ‘Believe”, it is ‘Be’ + ‘Live’ so I figured the phase means to be and live like the guy, easy enough…
11 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
If I was going to recommend which influences had led to me discovering an ongoing, overabundance of joy, fully appreciated in my life…It would be one part, JC, one part ideas practiced lik those explained in “The Secret”, Law of Attraction, understanding that people in life, friends and family are the most important thing to cherish, everything else is easily replaceable..
“The Way of the Superior Man” by David Dieda is a fantastic , ethereal assistance on how a man can find, embrace his trueness in masculinity to balance femininity in his life the most productively, enjoyably, ways to help both energies to flourish…
4 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
Tao of Pooh is pretty good, helping to understand an avatar, or role playing identity is not needed, we can constant change, ebb and flow to the influences around us, wear whatever hat feels best in a moment, bringing us closer to our true selves, which should be allowed to change easily with everything around us that changes, adapts, accommodation evolves…I’d even say to re-visit the A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh stories (my first books as a kid) not the disney ones, but after reading Benjamin Hoff’s book, you can see deeper meanings lessons in the interactions of the friends with Pooh, the truest value of friendship, how to deal with whatever comes by…I even learned wonderful lessons from Eeyore how life can be so easy when you learn to accept….Reminding me
2 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
That reminds me of a fantastic book, that is out of print now “F*ck Yes!” by Wing F. Fing….has been my most top recommended bok, I had bought a copies upon copies..reading over & over, learning a person would enjoy grow from the stories, giving copies away…now the book is out of print…I been looking for years, still haven’t found an older copy
Funny as it may be, surprisingly there were priceless lessons in The Big Lebowski…and recently I saw some very interesting truths about love and the balance in today’s 21st century everything in the movie “No Strings Attached” which is now on my repeatable watching list…
…what you have are beams of your powerful energy coming from your eyes, out to the world. If you practice maintaining eye contact with [private] every person (non-person to your world yet) that you pass in a day’s travel, you will see they are most often averting their eye contact first.
They are the first to break it, you are just scanning the people you pass to see which ones look interesting enough to say hi to or something. The people that do hold it for a through a whole second and into the next moment, maybe they are interesting. A simple ‘hi’ will start you off to have the answer to that question. Any girl that holds this eye contact, I will smile at and any guy that holds it I greet “Hey what’s up?”
By practicing your eye contact with everyone you pass will strengthen this in you. Guys that hold it get a greeting or the tilt head back a bit greeting and the girls get a smile. keep practicing this with all non-people to your world that you pass in a day and it will get stronger, more naturally regular. You get like a juice, a motivation from these tiny moments of connection throughout a day. [/private]
This is another excellent way to share information in a way that is fun and creates a playful back and forth vibe between the two of you. “I’m fascinated by…” or “I like…”
Remember, start small. Don’t go for the immediate [private] deep topics. Get her talking with you first and get into deep topics later.
Ex. “You know what I really like about NYC? The best pizza in the world. You know what I mean? (if she does, then:) What do you like
about NYC?”
Then once you’re warmed up… “I like girls who have a kinky side…” It is all about the “VIBE” that goes back and forth between you and the woman.
Instead of tirelessly trying to create a deep sense of rapport… simply focus on the back and forth vibe that is occurring between the two of you. Your interaction should be the center of attention….NOT the TOPIC being discussed. I repeat: Your interaction with the woman should be the center of attention… not the topic being discussed.
The galaxy is in a state of civil war. Spies for the Rebel Alliance have stolen plans to the Galactic Empire’s Death Star: a weaponized space station capable of annihilating an entire planet. Rebel leader Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher) is in possession of the plans, but her ship is captured by Imperial forces under the command of the evil lord Darth Vader (David Prowse). Before she is captured, Leia hides the plans in the memory of a droid called R2-D2 (Kenny Baker), along with a holographic recording. The small droid escapes to the surface of the desert planet Tatooine with fellow droid C-3PO (Anthony Daniels).
The two droids are quickly captured by Jawa traders, who sell the pair to moisture farmer Owen Lars (Phil Brown) and his nephew, Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill). While Luke is cleaning R2-D2, he accidentally triggers part of Leia’s holographic message, in which she requests help from Obi-Wan Kenobi. The only “Kenobi” Luke knows of is an old hermit named Ben Kenobi (Alec Guinness) who lives in the nearby hills; Owen, however, dismisses any connection, suggesting that Obi-Wan is dead.
During dinner, R2-D2 escapes to seek Obi-Wan. By the time Luke discovers his escape it is too late for pursuit. The next morning Luke and C-3PO look for R2-D2, and just after finding him are attacked by Sand People. The assailants are scared off by Ben Kenobi, who reveals himself to be Obi-Wan. He takes Luke and the droids to his home, where he tells Luke of his days as a Jedi Knight. The Jedi were the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy before being wiped out by the Empire. Obi-Wan tells of the Force, from which the Jedi draw their power. He goes on to tell Luke of his father, Anakin Skywalker, another Jedi who fought alongside Obi-Wan. Contrary to his uncle’s claims, Luke learns that his father was betrayed and killed by Darth Vader, Obi-Wan’s former pupil who turned to the “dark side of the Force”. Luke is presented with his father’s lightsaber, the Jedi’s weapon of choice.
Obi-Wan views Leia’s complete message. Leia begs Obi-Wan to take R2-D2 and the Death Star plans to her home planet of Alderaan, where her father will be able to retrieve and analyze them. Obi-Wan asks Luke to learn the ways of the Force and join him on the trip. Luke initially refuses, offering Obi-Wan transit to a local space port. When he discovers that his home has been destroyed and his aunt and uncle were killed by Imperial stormtroopers in search of the droids, Luke agrees to join Obi-Wan and travel to Alderaan. The two hire smuggler Han Solo (Harrison Ford) and his Wookiee co-pilot Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew) to transport them on their ship, the Millennium Falcon.
Meanwhile, Leia has been imprisoned on the Death Star and has resisted revealing the location of the secret Rebel base. Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing), the Death Star’s commanding officer and Vader’s superior, tries to coax information out of her by threatening to destroy Alderaan. Leia pretends to cooperate, but Tarkin destroys the planet anyway to demonstrate the power of the Empire’s new weapon. When the Falcon arrives at Alderaan’s coordinates, it finds only a cloud of rubble. They follow a TIE fighter, not realizing they are being drawn towards the Death Star. When they attempt to flee, the ship Falcon is captured by the station’s tractor beam, and is brought into its hangar bay.
The group escapes from the Falcon and takes refuge in a command room while Obi-Wan goes off to disable the tractor beam. While they are waiting, Luke discovers that Princess Leia is aboard and is scheduled to be executed. Sizing up the situation, Han, Luke, and Chewbacca stage a rescue and free the princess. After several harrowing escapes, they make their way back to the Falcon, where they witness a lightsaber duel between Obi-Wan and Darth Vader. As the others race onto the ship to escape, Obi-Wan allows himself to be struck down by Vader’s lightsaber; Kenobi disappears while his empty cloak and deactivated lightsaber fall to the ground.
As the Falcon makes its escape, Vader and Tarkin reveal that a tracking device was placed aboard the ship in order to finally find the rebel base. After fighting their way through a token defence, the Falcon flies clear of the Death Star and reaches the Yavin IV Rebel base. The Death Star plans are analyzed by the Rebels, disclosing a vulnerable exhaust port leading to the main reactor. Luke joins the assault team but Han collects his reward for the rescue and leaves, despite Luke’s request to stay and fight.
The Death Star arrives and is met by Rebel fighters. The Rebels suffer heavy losses—after several failed attack runs, few pilots survive. Vader appears in a TIE Advanced X1 and attacks the Rebel ships. Luke, one of the few Rebel pilots left, begins his attack as the Death Star moves into attack range. Vader closes on Luke, but as he is about to fire, Han arrives in the Falcon and attacks Vader’s wingmen. Vader’s ship is sent careening off into space. Guided by Obi-Wan’s voice telling him to use the Force, Luke switches off his targeting computer and fires a successful shot, destroying the Death Star seconds before it is about to fire on the Rebel base. Later, Princess Leia awards medals to Luke and Han for their heroism.
Karla Withrow That’s such a warm n fuzzy feelin!
17 hours ago · Unlike · 1
Cj Piona Clark Ok scratch that. In my imagination does start those feeling of tingles in my chest, but it is still an ‘almost-feeling’ rather than a complete feeling.
17 hours ago · Like
Karla Withrow I know… Been a loooooooooong time tho (since I had REAL tingles)
17 hours ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark The only distance between what we dream of imagination and what we live is a plan
16 hours ago · Like
Karla Withrow Yeah, I know. Plans are fuckin hard to come by these days, too…. When the weather isnt so up & down I’ll come by….
5 hours ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark IN OUR AREA of beautiful 617?!?, That will never happen, always up & down & always up & down &always up & down &….
5 hours ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark The photo was a funny joke BTW, we used to chat, picnic-table style at least 3 times a week…now zero times a week…there is like this empty space in my worldy time that leaves me feeling a bit incomplete, unfulfilled right now…need a bit more Karla to fill ‘er up!
5 hours ago · Like
Karla Withrow You must say this to all the girls!
5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
Cj Piona Clark Ya. They get kinda pissed off when I call them Karla, what can ya do, it is what it is.
5 hours ago · Like
Karla Withrow You do not call them Karla!
5 hours ago · Like
Karla Withrow Cute, tho!!! ♥
5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
Cj Piona Clark Ya honestly I try to stick to honey, baby, sweetheart but they TAKE it as if I called them Karla
5 hours ago · Like
Karla Withrow LOL, youre great at making me laugh! We’ll see each other soon. I miss you.
5 hours ago · Unlike · 1
Cj Piona Clark Remember when we used to chat, every few days at the picnic tables?
5 hours ago · Like
Karla Withrow Course I do! You spirited me away the 1st day of 2nd semester…. & the 1st thing you ever said to me. I remember all that.
5 hours ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark Spirited you away… (what is that?)…and what did I say?
5 hours ago · Like
Karla Withrow You said my bag was noisy
5 hours ago · Like
Karla Withrow You know what “spiriting” someone away is!!! I was a lil bit reluctant cuz it was the 1st day of the semester, but it did not take much convincing!
4 hours ago · Like
Cj Piona Clark
about an hour ago · Like
Claudia
lol….okay
this guy wants me to call him
i went to jr. high with him
his name is alan favors
he would not stop trying to have sex with me back then
he always seemed 2 agravisive to me
he lived with me in the village in easton
47 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
Re: “he always seemed 2 agravisive to me” Doesn’t sound like fun regardless if I kno what it means
46 minutes agoClaudia
2 pushy
46 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
Abrasive +Aggrivation?
So only cal who YOU WANT to call, easy. thats it.
46 minutes agoClaudia
i always felt uncomfortable around him
45 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
Then what inspirations to want more contact did he provide to you?
45 minutes agoClaudia
he said he wants to catch up on old times
im not going to call him
i dont feel any connection to him
44 minutes agoClaudia
we shared no
old times
do you know him he is from easton
43 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
Name does not sound familiar
42 minutes agoClaudia
he was always trying to get in my pants
did not work then, wont work now
37 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
I think that is a failing stradegy use by way too many guys, ….a little FBV observationon my part
37 minutes agoClaudia
hua
he is trying to guilt trip me….
im ignoring him
34 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
Argh, the guilt trip routine…like do guys really want that…a fuck given based of sympathy for a guy’s pathetic state of life?” doesn’t make sense
33 minutes agoClaudia
i know…and um..i dont just give myself to just anyone…
i lost my virginity at 17…
i was a big pervert, but i was all talk
do you want to hear how?
i mean…that story
i feel a connection to you
28 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
Yes, I’d like that
28 minutes agoClaudia
i was in the woods
with my first serious boyfriend
27 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
do I know him
27 minutes agoClaudia
i felt ready, but had no clue, as did he, because he was a virgin too
you may…
26 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
Ok you guys were clueless, in the woods
planing to have sexy time:)
26 minutes agoClaudia
then we started to make out
and touch eachother,….we got soo hto….
hot
i was so nervous, because of what we were going to do, and the fact that we could get caught
he put his jacket on the grass, i laid down on it, he took mt pants and pannties off
then he let me take his pants off
i put his penis in my mouth, for a little while…
he kissed me everywhere else…
he opened my vagana with his fingers….and began to rub my clitt
he put one, then 2 , fingers inside me
i got sooo wet. then he went down on me
i could feel his soft wet tounge so warm, slide up and down inside my llips
20 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
mmm
20 minutes agoClaudia
i was breathing sooo hard
my heart was beating a thousand miles a minute
the sounds i was making were those of a
wimper, moan,
i never elt a mans tounge inside me before
i remember my face getting sooo red
but thn, i did not care, because it felt sooo good
he kept at it for like 5 minutes
i told him to kiss me, i wanted to taste my pussy on his tounge
he put on a condom, and slid his rock hard dick into me…o my god…
i gasped…he asked if i was okay
it burned, and stung….
it hurt,
but i pretended it felt good
he kept going faster, and fastre
i could see his face change as he came…
when he pulled out, blood was all over the condom
he was like omy god
are u okay…
i said yes…, but i did not cum
12 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
you are awesome
12 minutes agoClaudia Morris
plus i have a tight pussy….
12 minutes agoClaudia
thank you…youre awsome 2
11 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
so what did he say, what happened next?
11 minutes agoClaudia
well…i have to admitt, he then got mad
he got mad, because i told him i wasent a virgin…i lied to him
i wanted to show off….and little did i know i was goanna give it up to him
he got quiet, then said…as we got dressed, i thought you were not a virgin
i wasspeachless…..
i said…well im not now…lol
he said why did you lie 2 me
i said i was showing off
i should have said….lucky bastard, you are the first…stop wineing…
we got dressed, and he walked me home….
what a shitty way to get caught in a lie…..
5 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
WHat a fun way to lose your virginity, in the woods, hott story
5 minutes agoClaudia
i got home, took a shower
and a bath
i dont regret who it happened with
but i think looking back, i would rather not do it in the woods
and i learned not to lie….honesty is the best polocy
about a minute agoCj Piona Clark
ya but woods is hott, I still like woodsy sexy-time out in nature, along the pulse of everything out there
sooo true…that was not the only time i had sex in the woods
do you want to hear the second one
dont tell anyone i told you that story…
its private, between you and me…okay…shhhhh
2:43pm
ya but woods is hott, I still like woodsy sexy-time out in nature, along the pulse of everything out there
sooo true…that was not the only time i had sex in the woods
do you want to hear the second one
dont tell anyone i told you that story…
its private, between you and me…okay…shhhhh
Oh shh
you can use it in your work, just dont put my name 2 it…..
i like when you use my words
have you ever done it outside
Ya I’ll take out your last name or give you a handle or something, I love your words
Yes, several times
sooo awsome
Once on the hood of my car, broad daylight, behind a school on a sunday
hottt
anybody could have driven back there for another reason & discovered us there
Claudia: makes it sooo mutch hotter
C.J.: another memorable time, my wife & I were along the walking trail at canal of cape cod..she was sitting on a rock, skirt on, no panties
I was standing in front of her, we were hugging
I penetrated her during that hug…if anyone came by, it just looked like we we hugging
Claudia
sooo hottt
did she cum
7 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
She gripped the back of my shoulders extra tight as if she did, keeping her voice almost silent tho…almost silent
I never ask…I learned to detect …and to detect the differecnt between real & faked…and Ilove when girls tell me they came by themselves…telling me the amount, the way it felt, where they feel feeling, all over
5 minutes ago Claudia
thats awsome
you have made me cum before
4 minutes agoCj Piona Clark
Mmm, I love that & love to hear you tell me
and tell me again remembering
I’d love to have you here in front of me to he3ar you try to tell me what you feel as you are feeling until words become distant and meaningless
2 minutes ago Caludia
iknow……..sweet….
about a minute agoCj Piona Clark
Sweet, sexy & sassy when the moment is right
Ok, from last Wednesday…I decided to log out this clip. I went into the Logan cafe…as I love it there…I figured a quick sandwich and a soda….Some beautiful bunny was leaning on the brochure counter looking as if she is waiting for someone…She was pretty model stat…Good-‘propa-lady’ like dressed on top of a Bally’s body…She held herself well, and when our eye contact was made…She humbly dropped [private] her gaze to the ground…for a couple a seconds…When she looks back up to see if I am still looking…which I was…I scoped her setup head to toes…On her look up she dropped her gaze again then a good 30 seconds before she looked to the side and the brochures…I figured I would say hi….
C.J.: “Hi, I do have a question for you.”
Beautiful Bunny at the Logan cafe: “Sure, what’s that?”
(I pause… pause. I paused for fun…)
C.J.: “Are you single?” (In my emotionless stone cold straight face)
Beautiful Bunnie: “Well, um…”
C.J.: “I’ll take that as a yes…” (I nodded in the grin that I felt creeping on…)
Beautiful Bunnie: (Laughter)
C.J.: “Well, I just happen to know someone that I
think might like you… if you’re more than
just a pretty face, that is… He’s fun and has
great taste, and I think you’d like him… I’d
love to sit down and get your life story, but I’m
on my way somewhere… do you have email?” I asked…
Beautiful Bunnie: “Yes.”
C.J.: Great… (I take out my favorite astronaut pen)… write it down for
me, and I’ll send you an email when I’m in ‘online time’.
I then folded her slip of paper slid it into the breast pocket of my jacket and wished her a good day…[/private]
Since girls have hit puberty, guys have been chasing them in one way or another. Guys grow up thinking they have to buy a woman gifts, take her out to dinner, and earn her approval. Girls on the other hand have had it easy their whole life, so once they meet an interesting guy who is actually a challenge for them to have his attentions, their desire and attraction quickly escalates.
With something as simple as sexual tension, [private] you are taking the role of the pursued party in the interaction. To get this started, you show her sparks of interest and attraction, but never completely. You still do not know if she is cool enough to add to your social circle even, not to mention getting intimate with her. While she never really knows if you are really into her or not, since she is getting mixed messages from you & this keeps her in chasing mode to find out for sure. When she feels a slight interest from you, she wants it to be certain. I see guys who express a ‘clear interest’ in a girl once they first meet her. This will lose her attention quickly and she will walk around to find a more challenging guy.
Consistently giving her these mixed signals causes tension to build to the point where she can only see a release of it would be to get intimate/physical with you. Then she will have the definite answer she has been looking for. Then she will have her uncertainty answered. The conflicting feelings in her that have built this tension are the indication to her that you might be interested, you might be attracted to her but she’s not so sure.
When you first meet a woman you can have great results in trading and building this tension while you playfully watch her chase you in a variety of ways. You see, body language is a powerful force in all of this. You can give her some undivided attention with your eye contact and keeping your gestures to be welcoming to her…and then SUDDENLY you let your attention be grabbed by something else. In the middle of a high point you have generated in her (You got her laughing, or talking about passionate subjects, or she is touching you more frequently), you can cut her off mid sentence and go check on your friends or open another girl who is nearby.
While the girl is talking you can triangulate your gaze (look from eye to eye to mouth to eye to eye…) on her which will indicate a kissing-though in your mind but then quickly find something else to do. Girls pick up on these things so once you have the seed planted, you can bounce your attention to a different subject. Once she has noticed it will be in her thoughts underlying everything else for a while. This in itself indicated your interest for her, but it is not guaranteed.
For most of the time you can give her your shining friendly personality. Reward some of her jokes with your laughs, reward some of her flirts with flirts back but then take them away. You can tease her like a little sister but just enough playful so she want more of this fun razzing you are giving her.
It can be very in-your-favor to be doing things that are opposite of common courtesy.
Much of what I teach is that of ‘capturing the frame’ or showing that you do understand where girls are coming from. To have indications of knowing these will set you apart from most guys right away. You can make it like you are going through the same things she goes through with an average guy, but you are going through those same things with her.
Let me give you an example. “Now just because you bought me a drink doesn’t mean I am sleeping with you tonight.” You see that is a thought that goes through many girls minds every time a guy buys them a drink. Girls are very social creatures and very polite by nature. With human nature often thinking of reciprocity, she thinks that.
Sometimes on a first date with a girl I may say: “Ok but I insist on paying my half, if picked up the whole tab I’d think I’d owe you (as I give her the playful sexual smirk) something else later…” This also takes the wonder of who pays for the first date dynamic. I don’t go through great lengths paying for dates until I know that I want her to be a regular part of my life. Before that, we are just meeting up, feeling each other out and I am seeing if she qualifies to spend any more time with me after this.
Half of capturing this type of frame shows that you do know how girls think but also by playing the part of the one going through these things as if she is chasing you.
Always remember the source. Don’t see other people as separate individuals, but think of the world as one family. Treat others as you would yourself. This is the secret of love.
To love others, you have to be able to love yourself. This is not the egotistical self-love, but an awareness of your real self. It is also important to always be true to your inner self. Love does not mean changing who we are. We first have to accept ourselves as who we really are. If we have to change our principles and identity, this is a false basis of love. But, if we can accept and love ourselves, it will be much easier to love others.
Think not what you can get from the relationship. Consider how you can serve and offer to other people. We need to give to other people in a way that also reflects our principles, and gives us joy. The secret is to feel joy from giving and helping others. Selfless love means we don’t have any expectations about how the other person will treat us.
“What is love? If love means possessing someone or something then that is not real love; that is not pure love. If love means giving and becoming one with everything, with humanity and divinity, then that is real love.”
- Sri Chinmoy 2
You don’t have to like someone to love them. It is easy to find faults with other people. In human life, it is inevitable there will be clashes of temperament and personalities. But, even if we don’t like someone, we can still love them. Perhaps someone has the habit of being annoying – they are egotistical or vain. It is hard to like that kind of person. But, we can still offer love. To do this we have to see beyond their outward human personality, we have to imagine the qualities of the soul, which may be temporarily hidden behind their ego. If we find that difficult, we can simply offer good will. You can inwardly say ‘peace be with you’ or something similar. We won’t say it outwardly as it will be misunderstood. But, if we inwardly offer some good will, some positive thoughts, it prevents us thinking of their negative qualities. It reminds us we can still love, even if there are outer difficulties.
How to Love difficult people? It is a mistake to feel that to love someone means we have to give them what they ask for. Real love means we will consider their real needs and not necessarily what they demand. If a young child wanted to take poison, the mother would never allow it. If someone places an emotional burden on us, we don’t have to encourage it. Love may require a degree of detachment, it may require point out to those who we love, there are better ways of being. It is good to have empathy and sympathy with other people, but that doesn’t mean we need to agree with their viewpoint. We can have sympathy with their position, and offer practical ways for them to choose the best course. But, we don’t have to feel responsible for their actions and choices.
“The success of love is in the loving – it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.”
- Mother Teresa
Put yourself in other people’s position. If you can see life from other people’s point of view, you can feel that given their situation, you might have come to the same view point or way of life. Even if you wouldn’t have done the same, it is still good to see life from their perspective.
Observe don’t judge. Real love should never have a feeling of superiority or inferiority; we can observe the decisions and actions of other people, but it should be without a sense of judgement. Judgement ossifies and divides. It creates a sense of separation. Merely observe and suggest there are different ways to live, and perhaps these ways give more joy.
Forgiveness. If we observe and don’t judge, we are practising forgiveness. Forgiveness, means we forget their weakness, we feel we have not been hurt. It is quite common to hold onto the thought of being hurt by another person. In our thoughts, we think how our life has been made harder because of the other person. Real forgiveness requires a sea change in thought. Let go of these thoughts which remember how we have been maligned and hurt. If we can reject these thought patterns, we can really forgive and make room for love.
“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”
- Corinthians 13.4
Remember, that the feeling of being wronged requires our participation. If we hold onto thoughts we have been hurt, that is what we will experience. With this we will not want to really love the other person because we focus on how they have hurt us
However, if we practise forgiveness, we decide to no longer make an issue over past wrongs. We start our mind with a clear slate, we no longer harbour feelings of being hurt but move forward and live only in the present moment. This is perhaps easier to preach than practise, it can take real courage to forget past wrongs and let go; but we have to be aware we always have a choice what we hold onto. Don’t hold on to the wrong things if they make us unhappy and prevent us experiencing the joy of love.
Treat other people as part of yourself. It is said in the Bible, we should love the neighbour as thyself. The real secret of this statement is that our neighbour is really part of ourselves. When we love other people we are loving the wider self, and not just the narrow self. If you can really feel the common source of humanity, you will realise that love does not involve sacrifice, because who is sacrificing to whom? When we love others, we merely love a different manifestation of ourselves.
Heaven and Hell – Love is its own reward. Hate is its own penalty. If we love in a divine way, we can experience heaven on earth. If we are embittered with hate, we can also experience hell here on earth. The bridge between heaven and hell is as short as our decision whether to cultivate love.
The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. In the context of interpersonal relationships, ‘the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component’.[1]
Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
Passion – Which encompasses drives connected to both limerence and sexual attraction.
Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other.
‘The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other’.[2] Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements.
Contents
[hide]
1 Forms of love
2 Criticism
3 See also
4 References
5 Further Reading
[edit] Forms of love
Combinations of intimacy, passion, commitment Intimacy Passion Commitment
Nonlove
Liking/friendship
x
Infatuated love
x
Empty love
x
Romantic love
x
x
Companionate love
x
x
Fatuous love
x
x
Consummate love
x
x
x
Triangular Theory of Love.gif
The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle, interact with each other and with the actions they produce so as to form seven different kinds of love experiences (nonlove is not represented). The size of the triangle functions to represent the “amount” of love – the bigger the triangle, the greater the love. The shape of the triangle functions to represent the “style” of love, which may vary over the course of the relationship:
Nonlove ‘refers simply to the absence of all three components of love. Nonlove characterizes the large majority of our personal relationships, which are simply casual interactions’.[3]
Liking/friendship is ‘used here in a nontrivial sense. Rather, it refers to the set of feelings one experiences in relationships that can truly be characterized as friendship. One feels closeness, bondedness, and warmth toward the other, without feelings of intense passion or long-term commitment’.[4]
Infatuated love: ‘infatuation results from the experiencing of passionate arousal in the absence of intimacy and decision/commitment…like Tennov’s limerance’.[5] Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.
Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses’ relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form, indicating ‘how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term relationship…[but] the beginning rather than the end’.[6]
Romantic love ‘derives from a combination of the intimate and passionate components of love…romantic lovers are not only drawn physically to each other but are also bonded emotionally’[7] – bonded both intimately and passionately, but without sustaining commitment.
Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. ‘This type of love is observed in long-term marriages where passion is no longer present’[8] but where a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship.
Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage – ‘fatuous in the sense that a commitment is made on the basis of passion without the stabilizing influence of intimate involvement’.[9]
Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple.” According to Sternberg, these couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they cannot imagine themselves happier over the long-term with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties gracefully, and each delight in the relationship with one other.[10] However, Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. “Without expression,” he warns, “even the greatest of loves can die”.[11] Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.
Wouldn’t it be great to be able to tell within fifteen minutes whether someone likes you or not? There are subtle clues people inadvertently give that can let you know if they feel favourably about you, or not. Most of these clues are expressed unconsciously, and via body language that is observable.
The Eyebrow Raise
The eyebrow raise is generally reserved for members of the opposite sex who like what they see, and it happens straight away. You will have to be on the ball to catch this happening as it only takes a second or so to take place, but is a clear indication that the person raising their eyebrows is pleased to see you.
The Smile
Although smiling can be faked a genuine smile can easily be separated from a false one because it is accompanied by eye contact and is broad, usually showing a hint of teeth when it is heartfelt and your entrance has taken the smiler by surprise.
A smile which is more of a grimace, or which is delivered with lips firmly shut tight, downward turning corners of the lips and a far away glassy stare is more of a made up effort than an indication that someone likes you.
The Lean.
If you are sat with a person who likes you they are likely to lean in toward you as you converse. If they don’t like you very much the opposite is true. They may well lean back away from you.
If you are standing the other person will stand fairly close to you if they like you and will give you all of their attention. If not, they will hang back from achieving close proximity with you.
Feet.
It is a positive sign if the other person has their feet pointing toward you, as we generally unconsciously point out feet where we want to go.
Of course, if the other person has their feet pointed toward the door then they probably are desperate to make a speedy exit.
Eye Contact
A person who is enjoying being with you will hold your gaze a few seconds longer than most other people. They will look directly at your face and their eyes will occasionally settle on your lips if they feel attracted to you also.
Touching.
When we like someone we are drawn to touch them, even when we try not to! The touching isn’t overtly sexual in nature, and may be subtle such as little pats on the knee or touches on the forearm.
If the other person touches your hair often this is a sure sign that they feel romantically about you, especially if they slowly move strands of hair away from your face while looking into your eyes.
Mirroring.
Another sign that someone likes you is where they mirror your actions. If, for example, they pick up their glass to drink and put it down each time you do you can bet that they feel positively towards you.
Grooming and Shoe Tipping.
When a woman likes a man, and she is wearing the right shoes, she may well inadvertently play with the straps or tip her shoe on and off.
Both men and women tend to play with their hair and perform grooming gestures to make sure that they look their best when they like you.
All of these examples of body language indicate how someone feels about you, and if they perform several within fifteen minutes you will definitely know that they like you.
Post: #1
“No Kelly, I will NOT have sex with you…”
In high school, I felt that I was, in a way, an outcast, not your standard popular kid in high school. The way I was, was very unique. I actually was voted ‘most unique’ in both junior high and high school. Sure everyone knew of me, but I was always outside the box of normalcy.
Although I never was part of a clique, I would be friends with so many girls, ever since I was young. When I was in High School, I bet people thought I was gay since like the gay dudes, I had a ton of chick friends. Often this would have chicks talking of subjects that they may not discuss in front of other guys or guys they wanted. I never made such a big deal as I listened to their flirts and relationships, I just took notes in my head.
Here is what started how I learned most of the stuff I learned that kicked me into studying, writing & teaching social dynamics now for quite some time.
A huge revelation happened with one of my chick friends. This was, lets say: Kelly. She was a top notch popular girl. She might have liked my punky ways, but we were just friends, she was just one of my chick-friends.
The way people pass notes to kill time in a boring class, I was passing notes with this Kelly. We would usually just write senseless things and try to make each other laugh just to make the the class time go by.
One of the notes I wrote her, all I wrote was: “Kelly, No, no, no, no, no, no, no,….” about ten times. That’s it. That’s all I wrote & I passed it to her.
When I got it back & unfolded it. What she had written back was: “C.J., yes, yes, yes., yes, yes, yes,” about TWENTY times.
Just joking, or so I thought at the time, to make her laugh I wrote “No Kelly, I will NOT have sex with you.”
She took the note, unfolded it and started cracking up laughing, just what I wanted. Then just to play along she looked at me with a turned out, pouty bottom lip.
Kelly was a top notch hott, popular chick with tons of friends and all the guys wanting her. Any and every guy in school would trade a limb just to get 5 minutes in bed with Kelly and she knew it. No guy that knew who she was would think it would be a sane decision to tell her that he would NOT have sex with her, even if he was joking (just in case…ya never know).
At the time, I would have said I’d do anything to screw Kelly, except it was an idea so far out of my realm of believable possibilities, I never even thought of it.
Quote:
At the time I was always trying to screw a chick I hung out with all the time that kind of kept me in the friend zone, but would have sex with me every once in while since I was persistent and always playful about it. I never took things seriously. I never let her rejection get to me, I just laughed it off and tried another time. Staying playful/joking in my pursuits kept is always in an easygoing playful manner.
Like my other chick friends, Kelly & I called each other every so often…what I didn’t really notice at the time is that Kelly started calling me to say hi a bit more often. She turned her flirting up a noticeable notch. Now instead of just chick-friend, or friend-zone type of stuff, she started getting jokingly sexual and a bit demure on me.
At that time, I was still mostly clueless. I didn’t realize what was going on until a time after when I thought through the time-line of everything and put the pieces together.
We stayed friends, talking every once in a great while. I moved out of my parents house and rented a house a few towns away, about 30 minutes. And then came that time she called and wanted to come over for a random nothing reason.
I was clueless, told her to come over, then resumed the stupid silly talk we always do. I still didn’t think a thing…until she was laying back on my couch with squinty bedroom eyes, saying in that coy-playful voice: “C.J., come over here…” Still I was sort of clueless…until I got over to her.
She put both her arms around my neck and pulled me to her. I saw what was happening and just went with it. We fucked that day, in the middle of the afternoon, 2:30 or something. Then at some point after wards while we were lying in afterglow or something, she says to me: “Hey C.J. (with a little giggle) I thought you would not have sex with me.”
Of course, I didn’t say anything to that in the moment but I remembered that note I wrote to her trying to make her laugh. To be honest, I kept it as a trophy for a while after We first wrote it. Although it was joking, I would show my friends: “Look at this note me and Kelly wrote, she wants to bang me so bad…” I just wished that was true when I said it, not knowing a thing.
Wow. I was blown away. At first I thought I was way over-analyzing the situation. I didn’t know exactly but back then I was convinced that she came over to be seductive on me was that I wrote her a letter a time back. I thought the only reason she came over to get me to fuck her was because I told her in a note that I wouldn’t have sex with her. I couldn’t believe she remembered that note. I did.
This sent me into a serious trial and journal phase. I would figure out how to elaborate this concept so I could use it at my beck & call. I would modify it for whatever situation I was in, but the core of it was that I would be indicating to girls that I would not have sex with them.
I would indicate that I didn’t want to date them. I would let them know that they could not have my number.
The core of this whole concept was that I made it clear that I did not want a particular girl, in a joking way and she would start pursuing my attentions. I would do different things to try this out and I would journal my results.
Quote:
By the way, this is one of the biggest suggestions I could make to an aspiring PUA. Start yourself a journal and write down every interaction you possibly can. Have your accounts saturated with details. Every cause and effect should be noted. Write out the different things you say, the different things you do and how she responds. Write out her mood, her receptivity to you, what pissed her off, what made her laugh. I couldn’t think of anything that has helped calibrate me to where I am today.
So as I was doing these things based on the first concept, ideas & concepts about it began to flourish and evolve. I started meeting girls and they were going through great lengths to be chasing me.
I met one girl in a supermarket in Rhode Island. She lived in providence but stared coming to Massachusetts every weekend that I would let her. I met a girl from Florida at a concert in Saugertise NY. We traded numbers, kept in contact until she came up to Massachusetts for a week to hang out with me. This is the same girl who asked me why I wouldn’t kiss her. She kept working to have her way until she got it.
Now it wasn’t about absolute blocking the girl. As I first said, it was all in joking. Then to keep the momentum, it became a game, like dangling the yarn in front of the cat. You dangle it, but pull it out of the cat’s reach before it grabs it. Maybe you let it get a small piece every once in a while.
With a girl, instead of the yarn it was feelings of validation and approval. I would give them small tastes of the good stuff, then take me out of their reach, just barely out of their reach. They always had to work at keeping me interested, which they did. They never felt like I was a sure thing with them.
*There actually are ways on this same core principle that keeps relationships fresh, never boring. It is much different in design, but same concept with different applications. If you kept up with the first part throughout a relationship, a girl would leave you to never have the feeling of security that a relationship provides. I will go into depth of the points that are modified for a relationship, but before that is meeting them and getting them into bed.
Switch that around. Imagine what it would be like if your hott dream girl was always trying to get you into bed. You’d be wicked happy with that on a regular basis, wouldn’t you?
Since guys hit puberty, we go around chasing girls, trying to convince them to be with us. We try to impress them so they’ll let us kiss them. We try to offer a good solid model of a man that looks like a good steady boyfriend, one that she will be with because he is stable. we go around thinking that buying them dinner and impressing them will win their heart.
Those are are very valid points and most of them are useful but since we have been chasing girls since we hit puberty, it is almost like a relief when they are chasing us. A man who is being chased by a girl, a man who feels wanted on a regular basis can focus his efforts and energies on bringing them both to fun places, adventures and experiences that they both will enjoy and never forget.
The same thing happens with a girl. Since she hits puberty, there are guys trying to win them over, all over the place. There are guys bending over backwards to get an indication of their approval. Guys have been going though great pains to be accepted, and hopefully liked by her.
She had to put very little, if any effort into always having a guy at her beck & call. Sure she keeps her looks in order, but she doesn’t have to invest in the interactions to feel like she has won the whole game.
Quote:
You know girls like sex. You also know that people want more of those things they cannot have. What they want most are those things they almost can have but not quite yet, just a hair out of reach.
A girl is actually happier when she is chasing a guy she likes since she never has had to do that her whole life.
Girls are humble creatures by nature. They won’t make a big deal getting things started with a guy, but once a guy gets things rolling and she is comfortable enough, she will chase with hopes higher than that of a dog at a cookout.
So both the guy and the girl are actually happier, from start to every step of the way along the process, when she is chasing him. Once I realized this from much trial and recording results that I went through, it dropped any feeling that this might not be the right dynamic to pursue.
As I have seen in PUA materials, I don’t like the thought of underhanded manipulation in any way. There actually was quite a famous pickup guru that along with his misogynist indications, he always seemed like he was skilled in tricking girls to sleep with them so he could drop them at the curb. I didn’t like that.
I grew up with a single mother and have enormous respect for women. Many women and girls have been a huge part of my life, my whole life. But this whole dynamic of girls in pursuit of a guy was actually what women enjoyed most, so I pursued learning more.
That was over 10 years ago, the learning never stopped and keeps growing as I share with people to this day.
Sept Day GSF
is on you, keep your eye contact locked with her as you lean over [private]to your friend to tell him something. It will look to her as if you are talking about this girl you just saw. If you start leaning over when her eyes are locked to hers, she is more likely to hold the contact to see what you are doing.
“You just licked your lips, now you’re touching me…I just wanna talk, slow down missy. You are sitting there waiting for me to talk, waiting for me to feel ready for you. You’re not even listening to what I am really saying….just biding your time until I feel comfortable.”
[/private]
”
as the old saying goes: curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back. 
